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Alea Iacta Est - a Worm AU Fanfic

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slicedtoad said:
huh. nicely written. While I agree with Firedon that it's kind of cheating to use PtV out of nowhere like that, any use of PtV is cheating. And this is the kind of thing that Cauldron would be doing, imo.
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It just feels cheap. Might be that I'm tired, but the story was ramping up, they were making plans and KAISER! Okay, now we have some more tension, how will they deal with this? Will it be a long struggle where they have to carefully gather information and allies? Or will they manage a quick beheading of the E88 with a plan somehow? Nope, PtV.
 
Who says things have been dealt with? Kasier might be dead, might not be dead. Either way, things will be shaken up, with E88 in turmoil depending on the outcome.
 
Firedon said:
I think I don't like this chapter. Has Janet ever been mentioned at all before? Can't find her name in he search.
I mean, I expected them to do some plans and everything with their team to help out, not that the problem will be taken care of by an unknown and a Contessa ex machina.
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Janet is a new character.

The original plan was for Purity to show up and kill Kaiser herself on top of the roof. But the problem with that was that the Empire guys already on site, on seeing the body, would fairly quickly determine that it was her work. So she'd have to either claim leadership of E88 by combat or go on a murder spree to clean up the inconvenient witnesses. And I can't really see Taylor & co being happy with that much murderising. Also, she's split from the Empire so she would have to deal with Kreig.
 
Kaiser, don't you know not to hold a long rod of metal up in a storm?! For someone so smart, he lacks common sense.
 
So E88 just lost Medhall to Theo and the team gains a water/weather controller since she just happens to be on the roof of the apartment building in which a new cape group is forming with a Teamwork Thinker. Plus they are friends/related to two children of a powerful cape who are thus highly likely to trigger at some point and join the team.

Why am I suddenly believing that Andrea is going to end up seducing Kayden and then forming a three way relationship with Danny?
 
Theo reaction is pretty funny, though. Yeah Theo, the girl you're checking on? your sister.

I wonder what power Annette can have if she triggered? inorganic material manipulation?
 
Kerfirou said:
Theo reaction is pretty funny, though. Yeah Theo, the girl you're checking on? your sister.

I wonder what power Annette can have if she triggered? inorganic material manipulation?
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Hm... She'd be more likely to get a thinker power than anything related to Kaiser, seeing as she's spent no time around him, and it's proximity, not blood, that causes buds.
 
Ack said:
This is remarkably clumsy, Max, especially for you.
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Basically my thoughts on this entire subplot. Kaiser finds out about Andrea and Annette and immediately tries to get them back in the most ham-fisted way possible. Immediately resorting to threats, without even a token attempt at getting together willingly. It's not entirely out of character considering the entitlement issues Max seems to have in this fic, but it is disappointing when I was expecting something more subtle.
 
Zackarix said:
Basically my thoughts on this entire subplot. Kaiser finds out about Andrea and Annette and immediately tries to get them back in the most ham-fisted way possible. Immediately resorting to threats, without even a token attempt at getting together willingly. It's not entirely out of character considering the entitlement issues Max seems to have in this fic, but it is disappointing when I was expecting something more subtle.
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There was a token effort. Remember? He offered her a new place, a better position in the company.
 
Primary changes in the rewrite:

Janet's appearance and scenes postponed until a later chapter, to maintain tension. She's still present, but the fic is now pretending that she doesn't exist quite yet and it reads in a way that doesn't require her involvement at all.
Dinah gets Taylor to answer the door instead of Theo, leading to a much more drawn-out argument scene.
Kaiser is very definitely dead; no more ambiguity there.
 
Ack said:
Theo

Oh no, no, no.

Horrified at what he was seeing, Theo opened his mouth to plead for Kayden's life. Even as he did so, Max stepped to her side.

"I can stand initiative." Max's voice was harsh. "I can stand defiance, at least for a while." He raised the blade as her head slumped forward. "But one thing I cannot countenance is betrayal."

Oh god, he's going to -
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Really thought Theo was going to Trigger there.

I could be wrong, but it does seem like a very similar situation to how he Triggered in canon. Replace Max with the PRT and Annette with Aster and it's pretty much identical. The fact that it's the father Theo hates would just add even more stress to the situation, further enhancing his chance to Trigger...
 
edale said:
Really thought Theo was going to Trigger there.

I could be wrong, but it does seem like a very similar situation to how he Triggered in canon. Replace Max with the PRT and Annette with Aster and it's pretty much identical. The fact that it's the father Theo hates would just add even more stress to the situation, further enhancing his chance to Trigger...
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You may be mistaking Security! with canon.

In canon, he triggered when Crusader and Purity abandoned him to be captured by the PRT.
 
Ack said:
There was a token effort. Remember? He offered her a new place, a better position in the company.
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It was less an offer, and more Max telling Andrea that she now had a new place and better position. He clearly had no intention of taking no for an answer either way, but he skipped over the part of actually asking.
 
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Zackarix said:
It was less an offer, and more Max telling Andrea that she now had a new place and better position. He clearly had no intention of taking no for an answer either way, but he skipped over the part of actually asking.
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If you are surprised by that, you don't understand Max's character. This is exactly how I would have imagined him reacting.
 
RoninSword said:
If you are surprised by that, you don't understand Max's character. This is exactly how I would have imagined him reacting.
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I specifically said "It's not entirely out of character considering the entitlement issues Max seems to have in this fic," my complaint is that the "token effort" of getting Andrea to come back willingly is written in such a way that even if she had considered Max her true love and had been pining away after him ever since they were separated she would likely still hesitate after the way Max acted. No reasonable person would react well to "We're getting back together after not seeing each other for decades, and of course you agree, so I'm not even going to bother asking first."
 
Zackarix said:
I specifically said "It's not entirely out of character considering the entitlement issues Max seems to have in this fic," my complaint is that the "token effort" of getting Andrea to come back willingly is written in such a way that even if she had considered Max her true love and had been pining away after him ever since they were separated she would likely still hesitate after the way Max acted. No reasonable person would react well to "We're getting back together after not seeing each other for decades, and of course you agree, so I'm not even going to bother asking first."
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Max is kind of arrogant, on top of being excited to have finally found her again, so I don't have too much trouble believing that, I think.

Kerfirou said:
Theo reaction is pretty funny, though. Yeah Theo, the girl you're checking on? your sister.
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Jamie Lannister would have no problem with this.

On the bright side, he can still check out Taylor.
 
Max: I HAVE THE POWER!!

*KRAKATHOOM*

Max: Owie......
facepalm.jpg

Zackarix said:
Is there anything stopping Theo from continuing to check out Annette? Besides social taboos.
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He'd have to endure the men from Maine jokes.
basically new England's take on mimetic hillbilly's
 
Zackarix said:
I specifically said "It's not entirely out of character considering the entitlement issues Max seems to have in this fic," my complaint is that the "token effort" of getting Andrea to come back willingly is written in such a way that even if she had considered Max her true love and had been pining away after him ever since they were separated she would likely still hesitate after the way Max acted. No reasonable person would react well to "We're getting back together after not seeing each other for decades, and of course you agree, so I'm not even going to bother asking first."
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Well, at least he was nice enough to offer her a better place to live, a position as his 'personal assistant' (with concomitant pay raise) and a chance for Annette to go to a better school.

He could have just said, "Hey, I'm back. You're not currently attached, I'm rich as fuck, so why don't we take up where we left off, without my interfering dad to get in the way?"

EDIT: Ironically, if Danny hadn't been there, she might well have taken him up on the offer if he'd made it that way :p
 
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