Cosmos Quest (Naruto/Lupin III)

[X] Face Fisted (because Kung-Fu Fighting is a shit-tier reference)

Man, and you felt short before. Everyone in the second year class has at least an inch and a half on you; you need to stand in the front row just to see the demonstration platform.

Sasuke is unbelievably envious of you getting to skip ahead, and makes you promise to share everything you learn. Ami seems to take your advancement as a challenge and promptly redoubles her efforts in taijutsu to catch up. Although, she may just be trying to become Sasuke's new favourite sparring partner. She might be behaving more rationally now that you're kinda sorta friends, but her massive crush on the Lollypop hasn't gone anywhere.

Your speed is no longer the utter game-breaker it was in the lower class, but you've still got a massive lead on most of these older kids.

Most. Not all.

The two biggest exceptions are Uchiha Touya and Hyuuga Neji.

Touya is a tough opponent for you just because he's the tallest kid in the class and has the longest arms, so your usual tactic of dancing out of reach doesn't work on him.

Neji, on the other hand, is quite simply a taijutsu monster.

If he isn't as fast as you are, the difference is so negligible it isn't worth measuring. And his Jyuuken is just... you know, you thought you understood the style, more or less. When Hinata uses it, it's a thing of beauty, graceful and refined; every movement is only as large as it needs to be, no unnecessary effort is exerted. It actually sort of reminds you of tessenjutsu. It's like a creek, gently rolling downhill, occasionally forming a tiny waterfall or hopping over a rock like it isn't even there.

Neji's take on it is more like dropping the entire goddamn ocean on you and then instructing the moon to do its thing.

To a sensor, it's not exactly a secret what the difference is. Neji has a lot of rage over something or other, and being from a Noble clan whose esteemed members obviously can't just talk about their emotions like sensible people, he's decided to express himself via his fists. His chakra doesn't mark him as an enemy, or anything, but it definitely projects an aura of pessimism and misanthropy you could cut with a knife.

His cousin, on the other hand, is just... not a violent person. At all. She has to force herself to fight. And being that way has made her rather catlike, to your thinking. Cats will only pick a fight if they think they can win it - pride is worth nothing when weighed against survival. Similarly, Hinata's tendency towards compassion means she'll only fight when people make her - pride is worth nothing to her when weighed against the wellbeing of others.

Oddly, in a way, you think this might also have made her a better fighter than she would have been otherwise. She's slow as shit, of course, like everyone else your age, and she hesitates too much, but you get the feeling that when all of you grow up, she's going to be much more efficient than Neji. Her fights already take less time than his do, comparatively; she seems to be focused on bringing her fights to an end, above all else. Neji sometimes seems to enjoy prolonging his opponents' suffering. The guy is just like his name: twisted.

All of this would be much less troublesome to you if he weren't easily the cutest boy in school.

"Hyuuga Neji vs. Yamanaka Ino."

Personally, you blame Ami. You weren't attracted to children before you talked to her - fuck, your response to hearing you're about to spar with the boy who left both your arms temporarily paralyzed last time should not be to grin like a fool.

*sigh* ... if only he didn't have to remind you of Goemon-san. You hate to admit it, but the resemblance is there. It's partially physical, but... that aura. It's thicker and heavier than the one Goemon-san had in the first dream, but you're almost positive it's the same one. The one that says "Leave me alone or I'll kill you."

No one who's had a good life can have that kind of song in their chakra.

Still.

This is taijutsu class, not group therapy.

And barbaric offshoot or no, Jyuuken is still a damned stylish moveset.

Rising -oof!- palm-heel strike? Yoink! (ouch)

His footwork? (Owgetoutofthewaybeforehedoesthatagain) In the very immediate future, it becomes your footwork.

(Hell, say goodbye to proper use of your right arm for the time being) Ooh, that twin-elbow sideways thing is cool! Gotta have that.

Aaaaand you're spent. You stumble to the ground, propping yourself up with your remaining good arm.

Yeah. Hinata may have her weak points, but if she were fast enough, she'd put you down the moment she got a chance. She wouldn't give you time to jack her moves.

Neji frowns imperiously down at you.

You smile innocently back up. "Problem, sempai?"

"I will not permit you to make a mockery of Gentle Fist."

"Pfft. Haven't you ever heard that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? You should feel proud I thought your moves were worth stealing!"

He laughs humourlessly, and shakes his head. "You're a fool if you think copying a few forms will improve your taijutsu. You lack all talent for the discipline, and you're a coward besides."

[X] "Better a live rat than a dead lion, bure-bure."

[X] "Aw, hell. If it's talent I need, I'll just steal that, too."

[X] "Who needs talent? Or courage, for that matter? We're ninja. If we can't win fair, we can always just cheat." 8)

[X] Write-in

 

You smirk.

[X] "Who needs talent? Or courage, for that matter? We're ninja. If we can't win fair, we can always just cheat."

Neji gives you a look of disgust (hee, he's so cute when he's mad), then turns on his heel to retake his seat.

"That's enough outta both of you," Sagara-sensei says, and calls the next match-up. "Harada Risa vs. Hio Mio."

You get to your feet and go back to where you were sitting before.

"Do you really believe that?"

You turn. There's a rather homely little boy sitting next to you, with a vaguely scared expression on his face. From the feel of his chakra, he's really hopeful about something, but there's a note of sadness and nervousness that's stomping all over that hope.

"Believe what, sempai?" you ask in a low voice, not wanting to disturb the other spectators.

"That it doesn't matter if you're not talented... that you can still be a great ninja even if..." He bites his lip, and seems unwilling to go on.

You think about it (maybe you should have done that before you said it, but eh, it sounded cool at the time). "Well, talent's not totally unimportant, or anything; if I weren't double-jointed and naturally fast, I wouldn't be able to compete against Neji on almost-equal terms."

"Oh." Oh, man, he's visibly wilting. Overprotective Ino mode, activate!

"That said," you continue, "you don't have to be talented at the things people think of first in order to be a shinobi. A shinobi isn't just someone who can throw around chakra attacks, or plant magic daydreams in your head, or punch someone really hard. It's a job, and just like any other job, all your employers are going to care about is results."

"Results?" the boy asks.

You nod, warming to the subject. "Right. Imagine you're a merchant who wants protection from bandits on the road. Do you hire someone because they know a lot of jutsu, or because they got all As in the Academy? Hell no; you want to hire the guy you've heard has successfully protected a dozen other caravans in the past. You don't care about jutsu, because the whole point is that you don't want there to be a fight next to the things and people you want protected. You're counting on this guy's fame to keep the highwaymen at bay.

"Or think about an infiltration assignment, where you have to pretend to be a lady-in-waiting to a daimyo's daughter; the difference between success and failure there has nothing to do with taijutsu and everything to do with your acting ability. A good spy can't just go around hitting everyone for information, that's retarded. At most he should have to knock out the people he's going to replace.

"Or if you're fighting other ninja in a war, and you come up against someone who completely outclasses you in all three disciplines. What do you do? You can run away, sure, but that doesn't solve the whole problem."

The boy looks surprised. "You can't run away!"

You blink. "Why not? Why should you have to fight on ground your enemies chose? Make them fight where you wanna fight, on your terms. If you're smart enough and you prepare well enough, it doesn't matter if you're weak and they're strong. You can win anyway."

"... does it have to be by cheating?" he asks, almost pleading.

You consider arguing that cheating in real life isn't like cheating in a game. How the world is a staggeringly unfair place and you have to take what you can get.

But then you think of a man whose sword never touches the flesh of anyone who does not deserve death. A man who always shows the utmost respect to his true opponents. A man whose pride in his skill will not allow him to take shortcuts to victory.

"... no," you admit. "Not if you don't want to. But it's really hard to live life without cheating at least once in a while."

The boy smiles. "I'm not afraid of hard work."

You return it. "... Ino the Fifth, of the Yamanaka."

"I'm very pleased to meet you, Ino-chan," he says formally. "My name is Rock Lee. How do you do?"

Two of them, you think to yourself with an internal chuckle. No, not even two; half and half.

=

Sasuke's birthday comes and goes; you do end up getting him those gloves, which he greatly appreciates. He doesn't have a non-family birthday party, but the two of you and Shikamaru and Chouji go get ice cream together on the day of, so that's something.



Aside from Shika and Chouji, who do you wanna hang with now? Pick two.

[X] Menka (who I really should have included last time as an option)

[X] Sasuke

[X] Kiba

[X] Hinata

[X] Ami

[X] Lee

[X] Neji clearly needs a rival to get him to lighten up. He's too bitchy to accept a friend at this point, but you're sure you can get around that.

What classes would you like to focus on for the next few months? Pick two.

[X] Trap-Making goddamn it, you're already top of the class, what more do you want?

[X] Handseals

[X] Taijutsu

[X] Chakra Theory

[X] Beginners' Weaponry

Free time! Whaddya do? Includes the option to do some of this stuff with the people you choose to hang with. Pick two.

[X] Introduce someone to the art of the five-finger discount.

[X] I'm dreamin' in the mornin', dreamin' all through the night~

[X] Tessenjutsu innovation time!

[X] Ride the Lightning

[X] Write-in

 

[X] It is quite literally tessen and bitches, though sadly not all the way down.

"Ne, Hinata-chan, can I ask you a favour?"

"M-me? Of course, Ino-chan. What do you need help with?"

"I want you to teach me how to beat up your cousin."

"WHAT!"

Huh. Whaddya know, she can yell. Several people turn to look in the direction of the noise, realize that you're involved, and grin in anticipation.

Hmm, you didn't want spectators for this. Pulling Hinata away by the hand, waving to your disappointed fans as you go, you eventually come to a little alcove around the back of the school.

"Calm down," you say, "I'm not gonna hurt him or anything. I just want him to stop being such a dick to everyone. He's angry, all the time, and he keeps taking it out on the other kids in class. He's a fucking mess."

Hinata flinches. Oh, right, she's all sheltered and stuff and no one really swears at her. Well, she's gonna have to get used to it - ninja aren't exactly known for their delicate manners, after all.

"Why would you ask me for help?" she asks, staring at her sandals.

"Well, I wanted to make sure you didn't already have dibs on kicking his ass, for one thing," you say.

"Ehh?!" And just like that, she is no longer allergic to eye contact. "Me? Th-that's impossible."

Ooooh, you love that word. Every time someone says it, it twinkles with pretty lights and tells you to catch it if you can.

"Why?" you ask. "I know you don't like fighting, but Neji seems to like it a little too much, if you know what I mean. And that's okay, with the profession we're going into, but if he doesn't get it under control, it could get him killed in the field, and then you'd be down a cousin."

Her chakra twists guiltily. "I wish Neji-niisan could be happy again," she says quietly. "But I don't think beating him up is going to help. And even if it would, I can't do it."

"Well, sure, not right at this moment," you concede, "you're too slow and the whole hating-fighting thing makes you hang back way too much. But those are temporary-"

"It's not just that," Hinata interrupts. "Neji-niisan is a genius."

... when you eventually catch your breath and wipe the tears out of your eyes, Hinata looks terribly confused.

"Ano..." you manage to get out, stifling a fresh round of giggles, "he really isn't."

"Yes he is," she says, frowning slightly. "Father won't admit it, but I heard some of the Branch Family members talking, and they said Neji is the greatest Jyuuken prodigy in living memory."

"Which makes him a guy who's really good at solving problems by hitting things," you say, "but that's not the same thing as a genius. Look, what're the two characters that make up the word?"

Her frown deepens. "'Heaven', and..."

"'Talent', or 'ability'," you fill in. "That means a genius is someone who wields the power of the gods, on a smaller scale; the ability to create something new."

Hinata just stares at you.

"Has he ever invented a new Jyuuken move?" You persist. "Has he figured out a way to make Byakugan training more efficient? Hell, has he ever so much as made up a story or baked a cake in his life?"

"I... don't know," she says.

"One thing I know," you say, crossing your arms authoritatively, "he hasn't made Jyuuken as beautiful as you have."

"Ehh?!" Her blush could power five cities.

You nod, resolute. "I don't know if Gentle Fist is usually the way he does it and you refined it somehow, or if yours is the normal way and he's fucking it up, but your version is better. It's more balanced."

... maybe you overdid it on the compliments, there; she looks like she's about to pass out.

"Wah! You okay?" you ask, stepping forward.

"Y-you shouldn't talk about things you don't understand!" Hinata says hotly. "Neji-niisan is not f-f-f-f-fucking anything up! He's already better at Jyuuken than most of the chuunin Hyuuga! To say that I could somehow s-surpass him is absurd! You've seen me fight, I'm terrible!"

You're about to laugh again, but you manage to turn it into a cough. "Hinata-chan, I don't think second place in a class of thirty is 'terrible' by any sane definition."

"You don't understand. Other children don't count," she says miserably. "I am Hyuuga; there is only excellence."

"... well I am Ino," you declare. "And I don't believe there's a single path to excellence. I think each person has to make a new one for themselves."

The pair of you stare at each other across the cultural divide.

"... if my Jyuuken is b-beautiful," Hinata asks finally, "what good does that do? Neji-niisan is still stronger than me."

You shrug. "Would you like to change that?"

=

Before you begin, Hinata makes it clear she won't use any of the private Main Branch techniques in front of you, because ever since rumours about your snatching habit started floating around you've been placed in the same category as a Sharingan-user (you're irked to no end to hear that), and it's now forbidden for any Hyuuga to show you anything too impressive.

You're kind of surprised any non-Hyuuga are allowed to learn Gentle Fist, but Hinata says without the Byakugan the style is considered incomplete, so there's no reason to guard it.

And you thought the Lollypops were arrogant.

Ah, well. You aren't here to master Jyuuken.

You're here to learn how defeat someone who uses it.

Menka sits on the sidelines, henge'd into human form, with a First Aid kit on his lap. You introduced him to Hinata as a friend and sparring partner of yours, but you're not sure she bought it. You don't know why; you made sure gave himself a shirt this time.

You fall into your ready stance, and beckon Hinata with your tessen. "Ready when you are."

=

An hour later, sprawled on the ground, staring up at the sky, you ask, "Wanna get a bite to eat?"

You interpret Hinata's wheezing mumbles as an affirmative, and after Menka fusses over the pair of you for a few minutes, she and you head over to the closest Akimichi-owned enterprise.

To your surprise, Ami's there, looking over a menu at the counter. She looks up when she hears the door open, and smirks at you.

"I didn't think there were any girls who could put up with you but me," she says with no preamble.

"Hinata-chan's Byakugan easily detected my awesomeness," you reply smugly. "Hinata-chan, this is Ami; if you ever need photographs of Uchiha Sasuke for whatever reason, she's your connection."

"Ha!" Ami tosses her hair. "Like I'd share. Besides, Hyuuga don't need photos; they can take a peek whenever they want." She frowns. "Hey, you haven't been looking under Sasuke-kun's clothes, have you?"

"Wh-what?! No!" Hinata looks scandalized. "I don't have the Byakugan yet! I wouldn't do that to a fellow classmate!"

You are incapable of keeping the grin off your face. Does she always have the best possible first reaction, or do I just bring it out of her?

=

Contrary to typical cliche, you know exactly how you ended up at the movies. You were passing by after your early dinner and Ami just dragged the two of you in to see Princess Fuun, regardless of Hinata's protests that she had to be home before sundown.

What you aren't clear on is how the three of you manage to get through the whole screening and out the door without getting arrested.

For one thing, Ami's pickpocketing technique is embarrassingly bad; she has to bump into people to make it work, and after the third time you're amazed no one, including the staff, has put two and two together.

For another, this and all subsequent criminal activity is greeted by a gaping mouth and loud squeak of panic from Hinata.

Naturally, the money isn't for tickets - all three of you sneak in, you dragging Hinata along to make sure she doesn't get snagged by moving too guiltily. You've seen that happen to other kids before; it isn't pretty.

But when Ami says snacks are on her, your pride intervenes, and you tell her not to waste her new wealth; you'll take care of it.

It's a simple enough trick; you glance at the counter boy's nametag as you pass, go down the hall to the bathroom, duck through the door labelled Employees Only, punch in the PA code helpfully taped to the wall next to the phone, and tell him to report to the manager's office. Then all you have to do is head back to the counter, and...

"... that candy case locks on the other side!" Hinata whispers in disbelief as you surreptitiously slide a chocolate bar into her pocket.

"Damn showoff witch," Ami grumbles, stuffing a chocolate-covered almond into her mouth and crunching loudly.

Then there's the film itself. It's pretty fun... or it would have been, if a group of teenaged boys hadn't decided to sit in front of you and start loudly mocking everything that happens on the screen.

By the time the love interest makes his first appearance (okay, admittedly, he is a pretty terrible actor), Ami looks about ready to murder someone. She contents herself with flicking almonds (denuded of their chocolate) at the boys' heads and telling them to shut up instead.

Understandably, if hypocritically, they take exception to this, and go off to find the manager.

Hinata looks stricken. Ami just pouts. "Rats. I really wanted to see the end."

"We can split up," you suggest. "If we aren't all sitting together, they have to round us up before they can throw us out. At least one of us is bound to see the whole thing."

"A-ano," Hinata interjects weakly, "maybe we should just leave?"

You and Ami both stare at her. "But... the movie isn't over."

Hinata opts to take her new seat in the corner, perhaps thinking they'll be less likely to look there. Ami decides to head for the middle of the theatre; if it'd inconvenience other customers and showcase security's incompetence to throw you out, they'll think twice before they try.

Pfft. Amateurs.

You make the only choice you can; the front row. Now you have a better view and there's no way you could have been sitting behind those boys.

Eventually, the day is saved, the heroes get back on the road to adventure, and the lights come up... but not before a security guard spots Hinata. You miss out on the last five minutes of the climax, watching to see if the girl's going to need a bailout diversion. But eventually he moves on, and you breathe a sigh of relief.

The three of you meet up again outside, and don't say a word until you've left the theatre a block behind you.

"You holdin' up all right?" Ami asks Hinata finally. "I saw what went down in there, and, well, I know you probably aren't used to that kind of thing..."

"He asked me if I'd seen anyone spitting candy at the other patrons," the white-eyed girl replies. "He didn't think for even a moment that it might have been me." She sounds almost insulted.

"So?" you ask. "Whacha say?"

She gives you a small smile. "I said if they got rid of those loud boys, I wish I had seen them, so I could say thank you."

The three of you don't talk much the rest of the way. There's not much left to say.

=

Chakra Theory is dogma and guesswork and bullshit that only tangentially relates to reality, and that's all you have to say about that.

On the plus side, this means you're doing really well in it.

=

Click. "Are you just going to keep picking up strays like this?"

"I'm not a stray," Sasuke objects, before turning his attention back to the game board.

"What's wrong with having lots of friends?" you ask, for once using your tessen as an actual fan as you lie on the floor of Shikamaru's living room, drifting in and out of sleep.

"Nothing, until you inflict them on the rest of us," your host replies.

"Hey, you invited me over!" the Uchiha protests, making his move.

You snort. "How're you ever going to make chuunin if you don't learn how to talk to people besides me and Chouji?"

Shika winces. "You've been scheming with Mom again, haven't you?"

"Possibly," you reply. "Or maybe I don't wanna have to be the one to marry you when she starts wanting grandchildren, just 'cause no one else'll take you."

Click. "That Ami girl is right," he says. "You are a witch."

"Someone call my name?" the aforementioned grape-haired girl says, carrying in a tray of lemonade.

Refreshment! You peel yourself off the tatami and reach out for a glass. "Ah~ my saviour has arrived! Come to mama, citrusy goodness~!"

Ami jerks the tray out of reach. "Sasuke-kun gets first pick of the glasses," she decrees.

Sasuke throws you an embarrassed glance.

"... fine," you pout, going back to fanning yourself. "It's too hot to argue."

=

Thwack! Another kunai hits the target handle-first.

Such a waste. Knives are expensive; bullets are cheap.

You shut up, you reply sulkily, we don't have your kind of guns here. I hafta make do.

Thwack! Hell.

Thwack! Damn it.

Thunk! Hey, there we go.

Thwack!

-______-

... oi, Jigen-san. Exactly how hard is a pistol to make?

=

[X] Shock the Monkey

... maybe I should have told Dad I was going to try Lightning today.

As if by some jinx, this is the moment Dad arrives home from work.

He takes in the destruction of the still-sizzling living room, along with your relatively pristine condition, and says only one thing.

"So. Dual-affinity, then."

Mom has quite a bit more to say on the subject.

You don't bother explaining that it isn't exactly Lightning you used. That you fucked up and thought about the actual composition of lightning, as opposed to the significance of Lightning. They wouldn't get what you mean, anyway.

----------

You know the drill. Pick two people to inflict on yourself and (perhaps) each other.

[X] Sasuke

[X] Kiba

[X] Ami

[X] Hinata

[X] Lee

[X] Neji


Free time? Pick two.

[X] Guns. Read everything you can about firearms as they currently stand. Kunai are taking too goddamn long to learn.

[X] Continue corrupting the youth of Konoha. ^_^ (Correlates to who you vote for above)

[X] Try to refine your mask design. There has to be a way to make them so you can just pull them right on without ripping them.

[X] Mom says if you work hard at your koto lessons, you might be ready to learn the next level of the style.

[X] Work on expanding your sensing range.

[X] Write-in.

 

[X] The Further Adventures of Your Waifu

"Ino-chan," Hinata says, gasping, "can we take a break?"

You skitter to a halt at the edge of the roof. "Sure thing," you say, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry, I forget sometimes I don't have a normal endurance level." You pass her one of your water bottles, and she drains it gratefully.

"I'm sorry too," she says as she hands it back, suppressing a yawn. "It was very kind of you to invite me, but I just can't keep up, it seems."

"Don't get discouraged," Menka says, stretching. "You've improved a lot even in just the last few weeks."

Hinata shakes her head. "I'm still nowhere near as good as the two of you. You can even keep this up while under a henge, Menka-kun; that's amazing."

"... aw, crap," you mutter.

Menka looks slightly put out. "I thought you said she didn't have the Byakugan yet," he says sulkily.

^_^; "A-ano, there's nothing really wrong with your henge, but..." she fiddles with her fingers, "... everyone knows Ino-chan owns a cat-"

"Ino doesn't own me! We're roommates," Menka says indignantly.

"-and that he has white and black fur," she concludes, eyes flicking from Menka's two-toned hair, to his white hakamashita and black hakama, to his fingerless black gloves. "And you forgot to change your pupils today," she adds, nodding at the black slits in the golden irises.

You scratch the back of your neck, embarrassed. "Could you please keep this a secret? No one's supposed to know Menka isn't a normal pet." You ignore Menka's disdainful sniff. "Sakkun's family has had a Cat Summoning contract for generations, and his parents might take it the wrong way if they find out I'm friends with summon-cats. Picking up a little taijutsu here and there is one thing, but this..."

Hinata nods vigourously. "Of course. I won't tell anyone."

You breathe a sigh of relief, and smile. "Good. Thank you."

There is a pause.

"Ano..." Hinata says to Menka's feet.

He tilts his head to the side, curious. "Mm? What's up, Hinata-chan?"

"... canIpetyou?" .///.;

With a pop! the henge disperses and the cat leaps onto Hinata's shoulder.

:3 "I thought you'd never ask," he says, rubbing his cheek against hers.

All in all, you think you like Hinata's cheerful blushes best.

[X] With Karate I'll Kick Your Ass

"I cannot believe I didn't think of this sooner!" You sling an arm over each of your friends' shoulders and grin at them in turn. "Now we can have some variety in opponents, and you guys don't have to waste chakra just keeping up with me."

Sasuke scowls. "Why are you making friends with so many girls all of a sudden?"

"Am I not allowed to like girls?" you ask rhetorically.

Hinata winces. "If I'm a bother-"

"Sakkun's just worried you'll kick his ass without a massive speed advantage," you say with a smirk.

"I am not!" Sasuke jerks out from under your arm. "If Hinata could kick my ass, she'd have done it in class already."

You roll your eyes. "Sakkun, remember that talk we had about how some people actually don't really like fighting? Including me?"

"That's different! You're good at it!"

All right, that's it.

"Hinata, is it okay if I teach Sasuke one of your moves?"

Her expression goes from melancholy to alarmed in two seconds flat. "One move," you promise. "No more, no less. The Elders can't ban non-Hyuuga from teaching Jyuuken moves to Uchiha, anyway, and Sakkun isn't going to tell anyone for obvious reasons."

She doesn't look happy about it, but after dithering for a minute or two, she nods.

Sasuke grumbles and makes much of you forcing him to learn a 'girly' move.

Until you throw a punch at him without warning and that girly move saves him from a black eye.

Oof. You blink up at the sky. Maybe you should have picked a different manoeuvre to show him; in the hands of someone who doesn't hesitate or pull punches that one hurts like hell.

Both of your friends crouch over you in concern, asking if you're okay. Sasuke looks particularly distressed; damn, how bad do you look at the moment?

You wave them off. "I'm fine," you wheeze. "But... you get my point, now, right?" You look at Sasuke, and jerk your head in Hinata's direction. "She's not unskilled. She just-" you cough profusely before you can go on, "-doesn't like to hurt people."

"... well, it's a good thing you brought her to me, then," Sasuke says, with a haughtiness that is only half in jest. "Uchiha aren't built delicately like the Yamanaka; we're not so easy to hurt."

"Fuck. you," you gasp out, taking Hinata's offer of an arm up and pulling yourself to your feet. You stagger over to a log, take a seat, and hold out your tessen like a referee. On the count of three, when it flicks open, the two children collide.

Hinata doesn't quite win the fight, but Sasuke's going to be walking with a limp for the rest of the day. You wonder where the hell the viciousness that fuelled that strike came from.

You grin to yourself. You have the best ideas.

[X] Yamanaka's 7 6 5

"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard," Ami says, "and I live above a bar."

"It'll work, I'm telling you!" You wave the folder at her. "It's all here! I did research and everything."

"Ino, this is..." Chouji bites his lip. "This is really too far. It was one thing when we were taking mon-candy, we weren't hurting anyone-"

"And who's hurt by this?" you ask.

"If we get caught, us, if we don't, the shopkeeper, the owner of the store, the shopkeeper's kids, the owner's kids, other people who wanted to buy exploding tags today..." Shikamaru lists dryly.

"Yeah, but that's, like, financial hurt," you say dismissively, "it doesn't count."

Ami snorts, but doesn't say anything.

"And if it hurts when you take a box of exploding tags, it should logically also hurt when you take some candy," you tell Chouji, "so really, if we're going to be hurting people, we might as well get better stuff out of it."

Sasuke nods as if this makes sense to him, and just like that, you know you can count on Ami regardless of what she thinks of the plan. It's twisted, but damned if it isn't handy.

Chouji looks even less happy than he did before.

"Hey, man, it's cool," you say. "I've got you listed as the diversion on this one; all you have to do is make sure people are paying attention to you, not us. You can't get in trouble for that."

"Actually, that makes him an accessory," Ami and Sasuke say as one. Both of them turn to stare at one another incredulously.

You sigh. "Ami, that ring you're wearing is an accessory; as far as anyone will be able to tell, Chouji is just gonna be some kid, in a store, acting like a kid."

"... no," he says finally, shaking his head. "No, I'm not." He turns and walks off.

"... Chouji?" you call uncertainly.

With a grimace, Shikamaru gets to his feet and follows him.

"Shika-chan?" That's not fear in your voice, it's just concern. Shut up.

"I'll talk to him," is all Shika has to say. He throws a half-wave over his shoulder and is gone.

You swallow, hard.

Very gently, Hinata pulls the dossier out of your hands, and starts reading.

"Most of these storerooms have biolocked seals on them, according to what you have noted here. Have you perhaps collected stray hairs from around the shop?" she asks politely.

You brighten up a bit. "Hey, don't worry about the seals; I have my ways."

=

All in all, you're going to call this one a success.

"Hello again, Yamanaka-chan."

"Why, Yura-nee, you look positively radiant this morning! Is cell number 5 open today?" :3

Sure, you got caught, but a) no one else did, b) Menka managed to pull off his part of the plan without alerting store personnel or your other partners that he's anything other than a normal cat, c) Hinata makes a surprisingly fantastic distraction, and d) Ami got away with the exploding tags, even if she did demand a 40% cut of them as a storage fee. That means you can't be charged with theft, just the usual disturbance of the peace. Well, okay, you're a kid, you can't be charged with anything, but theoretically, you're in less trouble than you could have been.

You're dismayed to discover that the last Sharingan-sweep of cell 5 found your cache of improvised escape implements. Ah, well. Next time.

To your surprise, Weasel is the one who bails you out. He even takes you out for onigiri afterwards.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't turn my little brother into a delinquent," he says as you scarf down your snack.

"What does Sakkun have to do with anything?" you ask in a note-perfect bewildered tone.

Weasel gives you a look that you would translate on anyone else as 'bitch, please', but says nothing.

[X] Face to Face

Rrrrrip!

"Sakkun!" you protest, "The whole point is to figure out a way that they won't rip when they're going on."

"Yeah, well..." he shrugs. "How are you supposed to do that if you don't try to rip them?" He grins. "Plus, it's a really cool sound."

-_- "Spoken like the boy who doesn't have to make the damn things."

"Why''re you so into this stuff?" he asks, gesturing at the little jars of odds and ends you have scattered around your desk. "I mean, we're gonna learn the henge later on anyway."

You snort, and go back to moulding the new mask you're working on. "The henge requires constant upkeep! And the Byakugan can see right through it, no matter how good it is."

Sasuke goes quiet at that. "... the Byakugan can see through the henge?" he asks after a moment.

You nod. "I read about it in a history book. Whereas the Sharingan is mostly for internalizing information it receives from the world, the Byakugan can be said to have the best insight of the Great Dojutsu; it can penetrate almost any disguise you care to name, whether by observing how it changes a person's normal chakra-flow or just by noticing the thousands of tiny tells that people give off when they're nervous or tense." You give the mask in your hands a final once-over, then reach for the tweezers and jar of hair. "One day, I want to be able to fool even a Hyuuga with my masks and acting. Test my talents against theirs, you know?"

"What about the Sharingan?" Sasuke says, insulted. You roll your eyes.

"Sakkun, c'mon. I test myself against the Sharingan every day, remember?"

"... oh. Right." He shakes his head. "Cousin Shisui says you have the longest rap sheet of any clan heir on record, you know."

"I do know." You frown to yourself, placing the individual hairs onto the head of the mask with the utmost care. "I wish I didn't. I wish I were good enough that I'd never get caught."

"... Father doesn't really like that I'm friends with you," Sasuke says quietly.

You stop working.

"... oh," is all you say.

"He said... well, he said some mean stuff. About you."

A slight, sad smile crosses your face. "I guess you lied to Mom when you said you got permission to walk over by yourself?"

"He just doesn't understand," Sasuke mumbles. "I told him you weren't like... what he said. And that just made him more mad." He looks vaguely dazed. "I yelled at him."

[X] Write-in?

 

[X] ".... Sorry. I guess it does cause problems, with you being the Police chief's son. And Chouji's not really happy with it either." You hesitate, your pride and sense of realism warring with your loyalty to your friends. "... I can't really stop, though," you finally admit. "I mean, we're going to be ninja. This is basically a lot of what we'll be doing after we graduate."

Sasuke goes stock-still, and stares at you in shock.

-[X] "... But I shouldn't let my training cause problems for my friends," you continue hastily, wondering what his problem is. "When it comes down to it, actually taking things is nice, but the rest of it is the fun part." You banish whatever disappointment might linger in your voice and put on a smile. "It can wait until I have the opportunity to take things from the village's enemies."

His expression eases. "... oh thank all the gods that's what you meant," he says with great feeling, letting out a sigh of relief, which quickly morphs into laughter.

You scowl, and twit him on the nose. "Oi, what's so funny?"

"My dad doesn't know what we've been doing," Sasuke explains, "he thinks your dad is trying to arrange for us to get married and that you're playing along with it."

You stare at him in disbelief.

"That's what I said!" he declares, pointing at your face.

"My god," you say, "what the hell is up with you Lollypops and sex? It's like none of you know how to relate to women in a non-fangirl context!"

"What's sex?" Sasuke asks.

You give him a brief rundown. He looks vaguely repulsed.

"So dad thinks you want to do that?" he asks, frowning. "I'm glad I yelled at him now, you wouldn't do anything that gross to a friend."

You disguise your laugh as a cough, and decide to move on in the conversation. "Why does everyone I meet lately think I'm your girlfriend? Even Hinata asked if we were betrothed a while back." You don't make mention of some of the jokes Kiba has cracked; if Sasuke can't handle the bare bones of the Talk he's not ready for crudity.

"Maybe I should just say you are my girlfriend," he says, shaking his head. "Maybe that'd make Ami stop bugging me."

You snort. "Please tell me you're kidding; she'd kill me! Or demand that I share."

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "All your friends are weird."

"Yeah," you say with a happy sigh, "isn't it great?"

After a while, you ask, "So what do you think I should do about your dad?"

"I was gonna ask you what I should do," he protests. His shoulders slump. "What're we gonna do?"

[X] First, you should establish whether or not your dad actually is trying to marry you off to Sasuke. Go bug him!

[X] Talk to Mom. She's not a ninja, but she is a former noblewoman; she has to know about this kind of thing, it's in her job description.

[X] Confront Fugaku. (What're you gonna tell him?)

[X] Fuck Fugaku; you know how marriages work - go talk to Mikoto. (And say what?)

 

[X] A Chat With Pops

Well, first thing's first. Going to your door, you call down the stairs, "Dad?"

"Sweetheart, come here if you want to talk."

"Are you trying to make me marry Sakkun?"

Almost immediately, there is a whoosh of displaced air; a drawing you did of Menka falls from where you taped it to the wall, one of your library books gets knocked off its stack, and Dad is in your room.

"You know Mom hates it when you shunshin in the house," you point out.

"No, I am not trying to make you marry Sasuke!" He looks horrified by the very notion.

"Hello, Sasuke," he adds as an afterthought.

"Hello, Inoichi-san," Sasuke says timidly.

"Where exactly did you get this idea?" Dad demands.

"Sakkun's dad thinks I'm trying to seduce him on your orders or something," you explain, rolling your eyes. "Do you know if there's anything I can say that will convince him I'm not trying to tempt Sasuke into becoming Mr Yamanaka?"

"Hey, that's not how it works!" Sasuke objects. "You'd become Mrs Uchiha."

"That's totally how it works," you declare smugly. "I'm the clan heir; I can't marry out, my spouse has to marry in."

"Now I'm definitely not marrying you," he says sullenly.

Dad, meanwhile, has taken a minute to breathe deeply and calm down. His smile is strained, but you're pretty sure that's because he's trying to hold in the impulse to storm over to the Uchiha District to switch bodies with Sasuke's dad and headdesk him into unconsciousness, so you smile back.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," he says, smoothing your hair out of your face. "I'll walk Sasuke home and have a long talk with Fugaku-san. Dad will straighten everything out, don't you worry."

"Are you gonna ask that he stop trying to use reverse psychology on me and Sasuke to make us hook up?" you ask eagerly.

His smile becomes much more genuine, and a little proud. "... I am now."

"Yay!" You hug him. "You're the best, dad."

Sasuke squawks in horror.

=

Dad gets home much more quickly than you would have expected.

"Well, I had a little fun with him," he says when you ask for details, "but in the end, when the dojutsu-interference argument failed to sway him, I had to reveal your dual-affinity to properly reinforce that it'd be bad for the clan's future to marry you to an Uchiha. We still don't know if Ranton is hereditary yet, after all, or what a Sharingan would do to the mix."

Roundabout bragging. A rather crude tactic, and not something your dad usually encourages, but apparently when dealing with a family of battle-nin the easiest way to make them understand a new idea is to drop an anvil on their heads.

You frown. "But what about the Yamanaka way? Couldn't you have just said we only marry for love and I'm not in love with Sasuke?"

"If I wanted to be laughed out of the district, yes," he says bluntly.

"Mou," you say, pouting. "Lollypops have no sense of romance."

You could swear you hear dad mutter, "Thank heaven for that."

----------

So. How do you want to handle things with Chouji?

[X] Lupin Sansei Route: You're sad, but... if he wants to go his own way, you don't want to stop him. If he's decided he can't accept the kind of stuff you do, it wouldn't be fair to either of you to try to force an active relationship. You'll still always have his back, though. Ino-Shika-Cho.

[X] Lupin Issei Route: You want your brother back, damn it. He's a worrywart and he has that pesky moral fibre thing going on, but you miss him. Ino-Shika-Cho, yo. You can fake being an upstanding citizen until you're old enough to deploy your talents in the field, right? Right?

[X] Write-in

Free time? Pick two.

[X] The theatre books you take out of the library have all sorts of tips about mending garments and stuff; could be handy on missions. And one of them have sewing patterns for costumes and props and stuff in the back pages - that's just fun. Teach yourself to sew.

[X] Expand your sensing range.

[X] People-watch. See if you can imitate them convincingly on the smallest of personality-cues.

[X] No, seriously. Guns. Why are they so much better in your dreams? Fucking bullets, how do they work? (Yooooooog~ come out and plaaa~aay~)

[X] Dad says you can start practicing building memory palaces whenever you like.

And whose Ino-time do you wanna peek in on? Pick two.

[X] Menka

[X] Kiba

[X] Ami

[X] Neji

[X] Lee

[X] Sasuke - you're already training with him after school. This vote's only concerned with whether you wanna see Ino's continued attempts to bring Lollypop-kun to the Light Side of the Force (we don't have cookies, just lots of hot girls, diamonds and car chases).

[X] Hinata - you're already going for parkour runs with her in the morning and training with her and Sasuke after school. Again, this vote's only for extra hanging out fluff. Said fluff will probably happen regardless of whether you ask to see it.

 

[X] Let it Ride

Click.

... click.

Shikamaru's expression is unreadable as he hears you out. You keep your tone light, and as sensible-sounding as you can manage. His dark eyes reveal nothing but the reflection of the game between you both. His chakra sounds sort of... melancholy.

You wonder if he's disappointed in you for not trying harder, for just giving up on Chouji like he never meant anything to you.

He picks up the shogi board, sets it to one side, and for the first time in your life, he hugs you.

For a moment you freeze. Shikamaru barely tolerates physical contact from his own parents. As far as you can remember, he has never initiated a hug with anyone.

"It's okay," he says. "You shouldn't force yourself."

You squeeze him so hard you feel his spine pop with released tension.

[X] Let's Lighten Up A Bit, Shall We?

[embed=425,349]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1bb2lDm1Cg[/embed]

Ami's hands might not be as quick as yours, but you'll freely admit she surpasses you in her grasp of profanity. You thank your lucky stars for roughly the fiftieth time that you don't live in a traditional house; if the walls were thin enough for mom to get an earful of this, she'd inflict her momkra kinjutsu on the poor girl.

You're not sure she hasn't already, actually; Ami never really seems to be at ease around your Mom. All quiet and polite and stuff. You wonder if it's because she doesn't have a mom herself.

After her tenth accidental stabbing in as many minutes, Ami throws down her sewing with a noise of disgust. "Why're you learning this stuff anyway? Clothing stores were invented specifically so women don't have to toil over stitching anymore."

"What about the women who make the clothes in stores?" you ask, turning the next stage of your work over and lining up the edges. Hinata's birthday is in a month or so, and you promised her something handmade. "C'mon, think of it like a mission; what if you have to pose as a worker in a textile factory in order to get proof they've been scamming your client?"

Ami snorts. "That's just weird."

"It sounds like a pretty standard C-rank to me," you say, shrugging. "Maybe a B-"

"No," she says, petting Menka idly, "I mean, the way whenever you talk about missions, you always seem excited about the ones where you don't do anything."

You quirk an eyebrow at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't you want to fight to defend the village?" Ami persists. "Punch out your enemies, or crush them elegantly with powerful jutsu? I'd think a tomboy like you wouldn't be interested in infiltration stuff."

A noblewoman's laugh rings out as you raise a hand delicately to your mouth. "My dear Ami, don't you know?" You leap to your feet and strike a pose. "I was born to perform."

Ami looks sceptical.

"I can prove it," you tell her, offering her a hand up with a grin. "Unless you'd rather stay here and keep failing to thread needles."

[X] Here we observe the common Konoha civilian in its natural habitat...

Ami shakes her head. "... I can't decide if it's cool that you can do that, or if it just makes you creepier."

You grin, dropping the posture and voice of a bent old man rebuking a grandson weighed down with packages. "I'd settle for a little of both. Can you name any awesome ninja who aren't creepy?"

"Jiraiya of the Sannin," she says confidently.

"... I'll be honest, I wouldn't have thought you'd pick a pornographer." Dad has pulled you away from the inviting displays of new volumes in the Icha Icha series more than once. You can't help it! The cover art's always really nice; all those pretty ladies~

"They're romance novels!" Ami protests, flushing in embarrassed anger.

"Well, yeah, but don't they have illustrations and-?"

"I wouldn't know, I've certainly never read one," she says immediately.

... but... she's... did she...

No, you decide. No. This is a conversation for another day.

Even if this does explain some things.

"Anyway, you're one to talk! You're the one who corrupted Sasuke-kun's purity by telling him about sex!"

You groan. "He asked! I'm not gonna lie to a friend when it's basic information he would've learned eventually anyway. And besides," you add, "you should be glad he learned about it from me and not from one of the boys."

"You are one of the boys!"

"That's so cruel, Ami-chan," you say in your most delicate tones. "To speak to a friend that way, after I've done you a favour-"

"What favour? And stop using 'atashi, it's gross on you."

"If Sakkun had heard about sex from the boys first, all the focus in the conversation would have been how to get it," you state matter-of-factly. You're... not sure if you want to know why you know this to be true, but you know it anyway. "As it is, I told him the whole point is that both people have a good time." You wink. "So if your wedding night is pleasant, you owe me big time."

"Pervert!"

"You're welcome~" 8)

=

Ever since that incident with Hinata, Menka has been obsessed with refining his henge. He uses it whenever any task could conceivably involve it and volunteers for chores that require the use of opposable thumbs. He particularly likes the sensation of turning doorhandles, for some reason.

The problem is that, aside from the clearing in the woods where you spar, the more secluded parts of the back garden, and inside your house, there's really nowhere he can practice during the day. This means he spends a lot of time lounging around your bedroom as a tall human boy, taking up too much space. Your room isn't all that big, so if Menka's in there in human form, he's either cross-legged on the floor (blocking the lower shelves of your bookcase), sitting at your desk (blocking access to your crafting supplies and other books), or reclining on your bed (blocking access to your damn bed).

Dad seems even more dismayed by this new habit than you, but he won't say anything outright because Mom clearly thinks Menka is the most adorable thing on the planet not named Ino. She even includes him in family dinners and corrects his table manners.

She puts her foot down at letting him go through his sword kata in the house, however.

So when Ami finally meets him as a boy, it's in the woods.

"Wow, neko-buta; you actually found a weapon ridiculous enough to suit you."

You do not jump. You're a sensor of the Yamanaka clan, and even if your range is currently shit, you will not give others definite proof that it's shit.

Looking up, you see her perched in one of the trees, watching the pair of you with interest.

You waggle your fan in greeting. "Mornin', Ami." You nod at Menka. "This is-"

"Daisuke," she nods, looking him up and down and smiling. "Hinata mentioned you once. I'm Kuwabara Ami."

"I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance," Menka says with a grin. "What brings you to this part of the forest?"

"Practicing my tree-jumping," she says, clambering on down the trunk. "I don't usually go this deep into the woods, but I heard Ino laugh a little while ago, and, well, you know how distinctive that sound is."

You 'hmph'. So what if your laugh is silly? Ami owns fifteen shirts and none of them could have been selected by someone who wasn't colourblind, but you don't go around saying so, do you?

"Would you care to join us?" Menka asks.

"Really?" She sounds surprised. "I thought clan kids only really trained with other clan kids or alone."

"The more the merrier," you say, shrugging. "I didn't ask you before 'cause I figured you'd say no way and spout off some crap about not needing my help to become worthy of Sakkun, or something."

Ami scowls. "I wanted to be a kunoichi before I'd even heard Sasuke-kun's name, you know. Of course I'll train with you."

"Cool!" you say. "I'm gonna take a break." You pull a granola bar out of your bag and a spare bokken that may or may not once have been yours along with it. You hand it to Ami, and are pleasantly surprised to see she actually knows how to hold it. "Hit Daisuke as hard as you can with that. He'll tell you how you're screwing up and what you can do to fix it."

You take a seat on the ground to watch the match and munch on your snack.

A few moments later you have a minor coughing fit. You actually forgot to chew before swallowing, so intense and fascinating is the fight. Menka's holding back on his speed, but that's the only way he's holding back.

Ami is a fucking beast.

It's not her sword technique; in that regard she's about as good as you could reasonably expect a seven-year-old to be.

But god, that ferocity; what was occasionally kind of amusing in taijutsu class is drained of all humour, possibly forever, as a single swing of her bokken misses Menka and gouges a chunk the size of a fist out of a tree without slowing down.

You can hear the chakra she's pumping into the wooden sword, of course. It's like a steamwhistle pounding in your head every time the pair of them get within four feet of you. You deduce that it must be dissipating off the edge of the blade because her control isn't fine enough yet.

Of course, none of this phases your cat in the slightest.

"Your Joudan needs work," he says, slipping to one side as what was intended to be a shoulder-strike comes down. "The angle you're holding the sword at leaves you too open." He taps her on the back with his own bokken. "And don't overextend."

More advice follows. Always it is answered by cursing and flailing and mass damage to bark, the ground, and very occasionally Menka's clothing.

The clearing is ringed in with heavily-notched trunks by the time she's tired enough that Menka calls for a break. She gratefully collapses, letting out a sigh of satisfaction.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" you ask.

Ami looks vaguely uncomfortable, though at least half of it is fatigue. "A guy who owed my dad money gave me some lessons for free when I said I wanted to go into the Academy."

You boggle at her. "And he just happened to know how to channel chakra into weapons?"

She frowns. "What are you talking about? A sword is supposed to be like an extension of your arm - at least, that's what Hotaru-san said. How can you not send chakra through your arm?"

You decide not to mention your little seal-shortcut. "How do you even have the reserves to keep that up? You're seven."

She grimaces. "I don't; you saw how fast I tired out." She rests the bokken on her shoulder. "But I practice the kata every day, so I'm sure to get better eventually."

... she's sure to get better at a chuunin-level technique.

Right.

You grin fiendishly to yourself. Yeah, Sakkun. All my friends are weird. And awesome.

"I'd be happy to help, if you'd like," Menka offers. "You have a lot of potential, and aniki's been bugging me to take on some students of my own."

Ami blinks at him. "Students?" She looks at you.

You shrug. "Daisuke is kind of older than he looks." Not technically true, but in practice it's pretty far from a lie.

After some thought, the purple-haired girl asks, "How much do you charge?"

"Five ryo a lesson," he says immediately, and you stifle a smile as you recall that's about the price of a glass of nepetajochu at the covert cat bar Yuji-sensei still thinks you don't know about.

Ami slowly nods. "I think I can manage that. Okay. Deal." She holds out her hand, and Menka pulls her to her feet and shakes it.

"Let us celebrate this arrangement with the adding of chocolate to milk," he says solemnly.

"... are you sure he's older than he looks?" Ami whispers to you.

=

You walk into class, and stop short for a moment. You say good morning to everyone, yeah, but your actual focus is on Sasuke. He seems kind of upset over something.

[X] You can talk with him about it later; he looks like he wants to be alone right now.

[X] Go sit with him and ask what's up. If you're sitting next to him, Kiba can't, and therefore he won't be able to poke whatever wounds Sasuke has festering.

 

[X] Go sit with him and ask what's up. If you're sitting next to him, Kiba can't, and therefore he won't be able to poke whatever wounds Sasuke has festering.

"Hey."

He nods. He doesn't look at you.

"What's wrong?" If he tells you 'nothing', so help you...

"Cousin Shisui is dead," he says woodenly.




[X] What Feel?

[X] What Say?

 

You go slightly cold. Shisui? But... Shisui can't be dead. Don't be ridiculous. He's only... you don't know how old he is, but he's not old. He's young enough that he doesn't really know how to pick up girls yet. The last time you saw him he was getting a tongue-lashing from his superior about flirting with Yura-nee at Admittance while supposedly on-duty.

[X] Deploy the hug.

You don't even think about it. This isn't like with Weasel, this is Sasuke, and right now his chakra is so twisting and pained and unlike him that you want this to stop now.

You ignore several people's 'OOOoooh's and give Ami an apologetic look and a hold-on hand gesture. Her frown goes from jealous to concerned, and she rushes over.

"Catfight!" Kiba crows. Ami smacks him in the head on her way past.

"Sasuke-kun," she says worriedly, "what's the matter?"

"His cousin passed away," you say in a low voice, releasing him from the hug. Ami's mouth drops open, then closes again in a firm line. She lays a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, and squeezes it, stroking his back with her thumb. For once, he doesn't shrug her off.

You don't mention it, not in front of other people, but there's an extra harmonic to his chakra that tells you he's not actually all that upset about Shisui; there's something else. Maybe something related to his cousin's passing.

It makes sense; you never really got the impression the two of them were close. But...

Okay, you weren't close with Shisui either. He was a skeevy loser.

... no, you think, looking back on your memories, and really looking at them, he wasn't. He was young, and sometimes mean, and sometimes kind.

And now he can't be anything any more, because he's dead.

"How did it happen?" Ami asks quietly.

Sasuke swallows. "... Mom told me it was a mission, but then I heard Dad and some policemen talking to nii-san. They said... he k-killed himself."

What? Bullshit. That doesn't make any sense. It's Shisui. You can't think of anyone less likely to commit suicide.

"If you wanna talk after class," you begin, but Sasuke shakes his head, and you roll your eyes. "All right, fine, if you wanna hit someone after class, let me know and we'll head over to the usual place."

He shakes his head. "I don't want to fight."

"Who're you and what have you done with Uchiha Sasuke?"

"Just leave me alone."

"Denied." You cross your arms. "You're sad, and it's a friend's job to make sure their friends aren't sad. Isn't that so, Ami?"

Ami nods vigourously. "You're not getting rid of me."

"How is that any different from normal with you?" you ask, and she scowls at you.

Ignoring Kiba's clueless muttering about 'Uchiha-hime and her handmaidens', you and Ami spend the rest of class sitting on either side of Sasuke, not really doing anything out of the ordinary, just... providing a buffer zone, you guess. You try to get some schoolwork done, but you can't get your mind off this whole thing.

The longer you think about the situation, the less sense it makes. Shisui might have been secretly depressed or something, but you doubt it. Yeah. It's a coverup. Shisui's either still alive and in hiding for some reason (which would explain Sasuke's mom's 'mission' explanation), or he was murdered. Maybe an A-rank prisoner he brought in (occasionally dumb or not, Shisui was certainly strong) broke out and killed him. Or maybe he was sent out on some mission and did something that made the Clan look bad, so they made him commit seppuku to make amends.

You can't just let this go. Yeah, ninja die all the time - you know that now, you're not three anymore. But there's something about this death in particular that doesn't add up. And you want to know what it is.

But. You're gonna need backup.

[X] Sasuke. Hell, it's his cousin, isn't it? Maybe it'll help his mood to have something to do about it.

[X] Ami. An extra set of eyes never hurts.

[X] Hinata. If you're looking for details and stuff, even a recently-activated Byakugan is going to be a big help.

[X] Kiba. An Inuzuka's nose is pretty sharp. You're sure you can convince him to do Sasuke a favour. (How?)

[X] Shikamaru. He has a habit of noticing things even you would miss; he'll be exceedingly handy to have along.

[X] Write-In?

[X] Fishie. If you're doing this, you're doing this right. No half-measures.

[X] Now that you think about it, you should probably solo this one. If something really big is happening, you don't want to risk getting the others in actual trouble right along with you.



[X] How do you want to go about your investigation?

 

[X]Akamaru! Where Are You? Gather Your Pa- UCHIHA INTERRUPT

You scribble a quick note and slip it to Ami. She reads it, then crumples it up and sticks it in her pocket.

The lunch bell takes forever to ring, but when it does, you and Ami nod at each other, and she follows Sasuke out the door. You then make a beeline for your first recruit.

"Hey Kiba. Wanna solve a murder?"

"Seriously?"

"Meet me by that bench on the far side of the obstacle course."

You dash off to find Hinata.

"Sakkun needs our help. Meet me by the bench."

She looks surprised, but nods, and you run back into the classroom, where Shikamaru still hasn't 'woken up' from his most recent nap. You aren't fooled; he drifts in and out, sure, but he's usually at least half awake at any given time.

"Sakkun's cousin is dead and they're saying it was a suicide but that doesn't make any sense. Want to help me figure out what's going on?"

Sure enough, he sits right up and stares at you.

"Repeat that."

You do, with a few details thrown in.

"... did you consider that this Shisui guy's a police officer and the KMP are probably already conducting their own investigation into his death?"

"Not if it was the Uchiha who punched his ticket. What if he found something out and they had to silence him?"

"And now you want to find it out too so they can silence us," Shikamaru says flatly.

... okay, granted, you didn't think this all the way through.

"See?" you say, recovering. "That's why I need you on this one, Shika-chan; you keep me from doing anything too stupid. You're the brains, and I'm the slightly-more-attractive brains."

He sighs, and gets to his feet, "Don't expect me to talk anyone into this. You're on your own with that."

"Hey, how hard could it be to talk people into doing the right thing?"

When you get to the bench, everyone's already there.

"He wasn't murdered!"

Including Sasuke and Kiba.

Ami, to her credit, is trying to hold Sasuke back, although you're not sure if that's just to have an excuse to hug him or not.

You wince. "Sorry, Sakkun; I had to tell him something to get him to come along."

"Come along to what?" Sasuke asks, glaring at you.

"It doesn't make any sense that Shisui would kill himself," you say. "I thought if we all worked together we could figure out why he would do it-"

"What does it matter why he did it? He did, and that's it, end of story!" Sasuke's eyes are screwed shut, and his fists are clenched so tightly there's a vein standing out in his left arm.

"Hey, neko-buta's just trying to help!" Kiba says, frowning.

"Well she can help by going away! All of you can!"

"Maa, Sakkun, don't be like that," you wheedle. "If you don't want us to pry, it's fine, but you can't expect me not to want to try to-"

"To what, boss everyone around like you always do?"

That stings. "To find out if something bad happened to a member of your family so I know how to make sure it doesn't happen to you next!"

"NOTHING HAPPENED!"

You run your fingers through your hair in frustration; that one lock that never likes to stay back falls in your face. "All right, fine. Nothing happened. I'm sorry I wanted to make sure everything's going to be okay before I accidentally lie by telling you it is when it isn't."

"I don't need you to coddle me," he says sullenly.

You roll your eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you're a big tough Uchiha who doesn't need anyone to look after him." You look around awkwardly at everyone else. "Sorry, guys. I guess I called you over here for nothing."

Kiba glares at Sasuke. "I don't blame you; he's the one being an idiot."

Ami promptly belts him one, leaving him doubled over and cursing.

"Your human really can't read a room, can he?" you ask Akamaru wearily.

The white puppy whimpers slightly, as if to say Hey! He has his good points.

"Ino-chan was just worried. And so was I," Hinata tells Sasuke, bowing. "I'm sorry to intrude on private Clan matters. Please forgive me."

Sasuke sighs through his nose, but tells her it's okay.

"... well," Shikamaru says dryly, "this went better than I expected. I was sure Kiba would come out of this with at least some second-degree burns."



How do you want to handle the Shisui conspiracy?

[X] Hey, you didn't promise you wouldn't investigate on your own. Full speed ahead.
->[X] Plan? Good thing to have, yes?
[X] Let it drop, but be on the lookout for weird stuff going on in the village.
[X] Write in?

 

[X] Nii-san Pathfinder

You pay Indara in roast chicken, but Seido says it would be an honour for him to waive the required 'sacrifice' for a friend of Tora-sama. Both of them get to work immediately... which means you still aren't going to know anything until they get back. Damn it.

When is dad gonna let me learn Tobideru Shiryoku no Jutsu? you lament silently; the Art of Projected Sight has a limited range, but it's so useful it isn't even funny.

Indara is assigned Fugaku as his target, following the clan head on his daily rounds and seeing if he makes any suspicious moves. Seido's job, as the more presentable of the two, is to patrol the Uchiha District itself, on the lookout for anyone who might have profited from Shisui's demise or just signs that something big went down.

Menka is disappointed at not being asked to do a solo run like the others, but you can't risk it; everyone knows you own a cat with black mask-markings, and as good as Menka is getting with the henge, it'll be even more suspicious if a boy who's only rarely seen around town suddenly takes an interest in the heir of the Uchiha Clan.

If a little girl takes an interest the cool, mysterious older brother of her friend, however, no one will think twice.

"How long are you going to keep following me?"

Hee. He says that like he's been aware of you the whole time, but you know he only detected you ten minutes ago. That's when a tinkling little note of suspicion crept into his chakra... before he smoothed it out. That impressed you; you didn't know non-sensors could be aware enough of the music to consciously change it.

Which actually makes you wonder if he was aware of you this whole time. Argh, ninja mind games!

You step out into the open, Menka perched on your shoulder. Weasel doesn't look surprised, but his chakra says he's less hostile and more interested than he was a second ago.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something private."

"I apologize, Ino-san. I'm in the middle of preparations for an important mission-"

"It will only take a minute."

He regards you for a moment, then nods, and waits for you to start talking.

"I'm sorry about what happened to Shisui," you say. "I know you two were good friends."

"... thank you for your concern."

How shall you proceed in your interrogation?

[X] With honesty. It's Weasel; Uchiha don't get more level-headed and reasonable than him.

[X] With partial-honesty. "I'm worried about Sasuke..."

[X] Try to trick him into revealing information he wouldn't otherwise give out. He's Shisui's friend, so it's possible if there was something going on, he knows more than he'd tell even the other Lollypops.

 

[X] With honesty. It's Weasel; Uchiha don't get more level-headed and reasonable than him.

You get the impression that half of this interrogation is going to involve sensing (Itachi's body language and facial expressions are so closed off he might as well be a living statue), so you slowly step forward a few paces.

"I was wondering... did something happen to Shisui recently? He didn't seem upset or anything the last time I saw him."

Itachi's gaze is steady, unblinking. "The last time I saw him, he was perfectly calm."

You fidget. It probably won't go down too well with him if you ask outright about the possibility that it's a plot by the Clan, so... "I don't know quite how to ask this, but did Shisui have any enemies?"

"A ninja does not reach the stature that Shisui did without making enemies."

Thanks, Weasel, that was an insightful and helpful answer. -_-

"Of course. I'm sorry to pry-" was that a trill of amusement you heard just then? "-but Sakkun is really upset about this." Oh, man, that did it; you've always known Weasel loves his little brother to a degree that rivals most parents, and it looks like you might have said the magic word. You decide to bite the bullet and just be upfront. "And I don't think it's just the fact of Shisui's death. There's something else going on."

The concern for Sasuke retreats to a muted murmur, walled off by a defensive flare of chakra; Itachi's eyes go hard, and you shiver involuntarily. But you don't back down. "Is there some trouble with his parents, or-"

"Shisui was a police officer," he interrupts coldly. "The Keimu Butai are already investigating his death, so if-"

"Do you trust them?" you ask, returning his glare, straining your ears with all your might.

Shit. Another brief flutter of humour and a rumble. Yeah, he has his doubts, at the very least. Fuck, you were hoping this was going to be a straightforward murder-coverup; now the cops are in on it?

"Whether or not they have my trust is immaterial," Weasel sidesteps. "Such concerns fall under their jurisdiction."

"You're an ANBU Captain!" you protest. "Are you telling me you aren't allowed to conduct a parallel investigation?"

"I am telling you that a six-year-old girl is likely to do more harm than good attempting to conduct her own parallel investigation."

"... I'm seven, you dick," you mumble, embarrassed.

Like it or not, you can see his point. Furthermore, from what he said, you guess that there is a parallel investigation going on and he doesn't want you to fuck it up by playing detective on your own and potentially blowing the whole thing. Now you feel kind of dumb for not thinking of that.

"I just..." you huff in frustration. "...I wish I knew what to do." Menka rubs his cheek against yours reassuringly. "Usually I'm really good at solving problems," you continue, "but nothing I do about this seems to make anything better. Sakkun's upset and he won't tell me the real reason why, and Shisui is just... gone." You frown. "I don't understand how this could have happened. I know I didn't know him as well as you did, but..."

Itachi sighs. "Ino-san... when you're older-- when you've lived in the world of ninja for long enough-- you will understand. Sometimes there is nothing that can be done to prevent a death, but dealing with these circumstances as they arise is necessary in our line of work."

"... so how do you think I should deal with it this time?" you ask.

He smiles sadly. "Please... I beg of you... look after my brother. And..."

=

iT hUrTs To tHiNk.

Worms, thousands of them, are silently burrowing into your brain, devouring everything in their path. Everything inside your skull is engulfed in noxious smoke.

Your eyes and brain burst from the pressure and melt out of your eye sockets and down your face.

It is agony beyond anything you could have imagined.

If you could move your mouth, you would ask to be killed.

=

You wake up in a room you've never been in before. The blinds are slightly open, and you see that the sky is black outside. From the smell and the fact that you're hooked up to an IV, you determine that you're in the hospital. That's weird. You don't feel sick. You've maybe got a bit of a headache, but that's no big deal.

Your eyesight's a little wonky at the moment, the way it always is when you sleep too long (too long in your case meaning 'over six hours a night'), but your sensing seems to be doing fine, because you can tell that there are two strangers and one Sasuke in the room.

Aww, Sakkun came to visit you! :3 You were worried he was going to hold a grudge over the whole investigation thing.

Shifting toward where you think Sasuke is, you blink the funk out of your eyes and see that he's conked out a chair next to your bed, curled up tightly into a ball. Damn, how long were you out?

"About two days," one of the strangers says. Oh, it's an ANBU. Two ANBU; the other one heads out the door, maybe to get the doctor.

"What'm I in for?" you croak out, wincing at your dry throat.

The unidentifiable-mammal-masked man doesn't answer, just hands you a paper cup of water. Your hands shake a bit receiving it, but you drain it gratefully.

"Where're my Mom and Dad?" you ask next. "And Sakkun's? They didn't leave him here by himself overnight, did they?"

"Your father is at work; your mother stepped out to get dinner ten minutes ago."

You frown. That's half of the answer to your question. You're about to ask the other half again when Sasuke jerks awake, gasping.

You blink at each other for a moment, until Sasuke lunges out of his chair and clings to your hand like a drowning man. Oh, god, his chakra... it's like molten death pouring into your ears. It's music only in the strictest sense of the word.

"Sakkun...?" you ask anxiously, putting a hand on his arm and squeezing it; you'd offer a hug, but you're not quite mobile or tall enough for it. "What's wrong?"

He doesn't say anything. He just squeezes your hand in both of his, and stares at it.

You note with concern that the ANBU guard stepped forward when Sasuke moved, as though expecting to have to intercept him. Which is ridiculous; why would Sasuke want to hurt you?

The second ANBU, Mom, and the doctor enter together, mom bearing a takeout bag and a coffee that she hands off to the second ANBU without so much as a please before throwing her arms around you and Sasuke both. Sasuke goes stiff for a moment at the sudden contact, but eventually eases into the embrace.

"Sweetheart, thank the goddess, we were so worried about you!"

"How are you feeling, Ino-chan?" the doctor asks, smiling.

"I'm okay," you reply uncertainly. "Do you have me on a lot of drugs or something? I feel perfectly fine."

She sighs. "Well, that's not uncommon, in cases such as yours. What's the last thing you remember?"

You frown. "I remember being at school... I had a bit of a fight with Sakkun... then I went off to talk with..."

Please, I beg of you... look after my brother. And...

Something stabs you in the forehead, and you clutch it, gasping in pain. Your mom takes a half-step out of the doctor's way as she rushes over.

You squeeze Sasuke's hand twice as tightly as he's squeezing yours.

"Itachi..." you wheeze. "Uchiha Itachi."

"What did the two of you discuss?" the second ANBU asks.

"Finch-san, please!" the doctor says.

"Shisui," you manage as the pain dies down. "I thought he might know something about why Shisui would kill himself."

"Why the interest?"

You shake your head. "... no one I know has ever died before."

If the ANBU suspect there's more to it than that, they don't say anything.

"Ino-chan," the doctor says gently, "we have reason to suspect that you've awoken from a Sharingan-enhanced genjutsu. Do you remember Itachi's eyes turning red? Did he say anything strange?"

Please, I beg of you... look after my brother. And...

You shake your head again. "Nothing like a jutsu name, no. We were just talking, and then..." You look up at the doctor. "What genjutsu was it?"

She bites her lip. "We don't know."

You stare at her. "What do you mean you don't know? You just said you're pretty sure it was Sharingan-enhanced; isn't there an Uchiha medic on staff who could help you narrow it down?"

The doctor looks from Sasuke back to you, uncertainly.

"... no. There isn't." Sasuke finally speaks, and you almost wish he hadn't. His voice is like meeting the floor when you roll off the bed in the night.

"... Sasuke?" you ask quietly. "What happened while I was asleep?"

His eyes meet yours, and the mixture of rage and sorrow within them takes your breath away.

"He killed them all."

"I think perhaps it would be best if I continue my examination of Ino-chan in private," the doctor says delicately, looking at the ANBU in a manner just shy of hostile.

"Sakkun can stay if he wants," you say, not looking away from him. Like hell you're making him leave! Where does he even have to go if everyone is gone?

Everyone...

With Shisui, at least, you could see that your life wouldn't be all that different. You just wouldn't see Shisui anymore. But...

You suddenly realize that no one is going to call you Yamanaka-chan ever again, for as long as you live.

As far as the doctor can tell, physically, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. That rules out certain advanced genjutsu right away, and makes it more likely that what Itachi did was purely psychological.

"So if the whole thing was in my mind, why can't I remember what it was now?" you ask.

"There are certain genjutsu," the doctor explains, "very difficult to use, that can make a person do things without giving them the opportunity to say no. Such genjutsu are often nearly impossible to detect by those who fall under them."

... well that isn't a disturbing thing to say to at a seven-year-old girl at all, is it?

"Orders given by the caster of the genjutsu are usually of the kind that can be carried out immediately," the doctor continues, oblivious, "because of the difficulty in maintaining such a complex illusion over a long period of time. But, with a Sharingan in the mix..."

"... that's where there were ANBU here," you realize aloud, shock flooding you. "They thought I was going to kill Sakkun?"

"I told them you wouldn't," Sasuke says to the floor.

"It wouldn't have been your fault, Ino-chan. You wouldn't have been able to stop yourself," the doctor says sadly.

... no.

"How does one go about learning to counter these mental attacks?" you ask in an even tone.

"You'll begin learning counters to genjutsu next year in the Academy, dear," the doctor replies in a voice she probably thinks is soothing. "You don't have any reason to worry; given your mind's violent reaction it's likely the genjutsu, whatever it was, didn't take at all."

"Bullshit," you snarl, with such vehemence that she actually takes a step backward, blinking in surprise. "This genjutsu was cast by Uchiha Itachi. If he wanted me under a compulsion, I'm under a compulsion."

And damned if that doesn't fucking burn.

You're a Yamanaka.

And he stole a piece of your mind.

Yeah. You're totally Clan Heir material.

=

Sasuke refuses to leave your side. He sleeps in the visitor's chair, he gets his meals from the cafeteria, and his screams keep you awake at night.

Mom puts a face-saving spin on it, saying she's formally requested his protection as the head of the Uchiha Clan, but all three of you know the real reason.

"... I can't go back," Sasuke says after waking from a particularly bad nightmare. "The house... when n- when he showed me what he'd done, I ran home as fast as I could, and... there was just..." He's been shaking since he woke up, but the vibrations are slowly dying down as he regains control of himself. "They were all gone."

This has happened a lot over the past week; Sasuke will spill out handfuls of information, and then go quiet again. You don't rush him. Better he go at his own pace.

From what he's told you, you've begun to piece together a timeline of what happened after you parted ways. After school, Hinata asked Sasuke to spar with her (probably trying to give him a chance to cool off, knowing her), so the two of them went off to the usual clearing.

When Hinata went home for dinner, Sasuke headed back toward the district, but was intercepted by Itachi. This surprised him for two reasons; one, Itachi was supposed to be under house arrest under suspicion of murdering Shisui (how did you not think of him as a suspect?! Ugh!), and two, he was injured.

Sasuke hasn't told you what they talked about yet, and you're not sure if he ever will, but the end result is that Itachi's Sharingan started spinning, and suddenly Sasuke was watching his relatives fall dead around him. His aunts, his cousin Chihiro the urban-legendsmith, other kids he played with, Yura the KMP desk clerk, the retired couple who owned the bakery down the block from his house, everyone.

When he came to, Itachi laid a little bargain on him; live, get stronger, and one day challenge him to a worthwhile fight, or everyone else Sasuke cares for will be picked off by Itachi one by one.

You grit your teeth in anger. That sick fuck...

Hell. How are you supposed to explain this to Sasuke? That his brother loves him, and did this to him anyway? How can you explain it when it doesn't make any goddamn sense to you either?

You've never been so glad to be an only child.

So after that pleasant little chat, Itachi made his exit and Sasuke ran home in tears, hoping against hope that it was all not true, that Itachi had lied, that he'd come home and find his mother waiting to scold him for staying out so late training.

What he found instead was an empty district.

The place was completely deserted. There wasn't a single person, anywhere, in the entire walled neighbourhood.

Sasuke knows, because he checked; he went through the houses and streets he had just seen in his mind, calling out desperately to people he expected to see staring blankly up from heads that may or may not still be attached to their bodies. Nothing. Just blood, and knocked-over furniture, and kunai embedded in floors and walls, and the occasional shredded shoji.

In his own home, there wasn't even that. It was as pristine and warm as it was when he left, the sunset pouring in through the kitchen window.

His parents just weren't there anymore.

=

Chouji's visit is less awkward than you would have thought.

He even brought you some edible food, a sight for sore eyes in this abode of the culinary damned.

No apologies are issued, but none are really expected, so that's all right. Both of you are glad to be talking to each other again, and that's all that matters.

Sasuke pretends to sleep through the whole thing.

=

Dad and Mom may seem like people with complementary or contrasting rather than harmonizing personalities, but there is one thing that makes them twins of spirit.

Both of them, when truly angered, are cold as death.

Dad sees you flinch when he gets within range of your sensing, notices Sasuke tense up next to you, and stops short with a hurt expression.

"No, sweetheart," he says, looking through you, almost, "it's not you I'm mad at."

"I should have started building memory palaces earlier," you say quietly, all in a rush, trying to get the words out. "Maybe it wouldn't have been so easy for him to-"

Dad scoops you up in his arms, and strokes your hair. "Ino, listen to me: Uchiha Itachi is an S-rank nin," he says. "There is absolutely no shame in losing to him. I'm just glad you're still here."

You do what you've wanted to do since this whole thing began, and burst into tears.

----------

Yeah, Inoichi is piiiiiiiiissed at you guys for getting his daughter involved in all this shit.

So. You had another significant visitor while you were in the hospital. Who?

[X] Mulberry fields forever
[X] The sempai
[X] The incisor
[X] A masked man

And once you're back on your feet, what's your plan? (Pick three)

[X] Have a real conversation with Sasuke about all this shit and where you stand in relation to one another.
-> [X] Where do you stand in relation to one another, as far as you're concerned?
[X] Memory palaces. Memory palaces everywhere. You will become the Mountain.
[X] Independent genjutsu study. You want a head start.
[X] Mr Sandman? Bring me a dream.
[X] Write-In

 

[X] Gomen ne, sunao ja nakute

The scuffle wakes you up. At first you're worried, but then you hear who it is.

"Menka, put him down! Sakkun, it's all right."

The two break apart, Sasuke looking back and forth from you to... a rather handsome young man in a cloak and a domino mask, with white and black hair.

You raise an eyebrow.

Menka looks rather embarrassed. "It's how I was dressed when I brought you in. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time!"

"You called him Menka," Sasuke says, frowning.

You sigh. "I didn't tell you before because dad made me promise to keep it a secret. You're the only one outside the family who knows other than Hinata, so please don't tell anyone else." -_- Who knows? At this rate you might be able to make it all the way through the Academy without Naruto figuring it out.

Menka hops for the bed and reverts to cat-form in mid-leap. You hug him and scratch his head. "Are you okay?" you ask. "Weasel didn't hurt you, did he?"

He flinches. His chakra lets out a burst of surprised pain, then spirals low and gloomy.

"... I ran away," he confesses.

"Thank heaven," you breathe, hugging him again. A dark thought strikes you. "Wait, how are Indara and Seido? They didn't get caught up in this too, did they?"

He shakes his head, incredulous. "They're fine - what do you mean 'thank heaven'? I left you alone with that sick bastard! You could have been killed!"

"And you couldn't have?" you scoff. "I'd rather have me injured and both of us alive than me injured and you dead."

"I'm supposed to look after you!" Oh, great, he's going into sullen yojimbo-mode, now. "I promised tono-sama and your dad both."

You give him a noogie. "And you did look after me," you say in a mock-stern tone as he struggles. "You came back when Weasel was gone, and you took me to the hospital. Given where I was when I was attacked, it would have taken ages for someone else to notice. You saved my life, like you were supposed to, so stop moping about it." You let him go. "You're not my vassal, or anything, you're a cat; I don't expect you to pick fights you can't win."

Menka doesn't say anything.

[X] What ask?

 

[X] The Red String

For a moment you consider asking Sasuke to leave, but the thought is dismissed almost as quickly as it arrives. He has a right to know as much as you do. Hell, you wouldn't have ended up in the hospital if you weren't friends with him, right? He should know why.

"Menka, what did Itachi say to me before I passed out?"

Sasuke's hands ball into fists involuntarily.

Menka growls. "I never trusted that fucking creep."

He takes a deep breath before continuing.

"You asked him, I dunno if you remember, but you asked him how to deal with the fact that you were sad about Shisui's death."

Sasuke looks surprised, but you nod. "I remember. What did he say after that?"

Menka glances at Sasuke, then looks back at you. "He said, 'Please, I beg of you, look after my brother-'"

"LIAR!" Sasuke roars, lunging for the cat.

You shield Menka with your body. "No! Sasuke, he's telling the truth!" you plead as he tries to pry Menka out of your arms. "That actually happened. It's the last thing I remember before waking up."

Eventually, sweaty and panting, Sasuke gives up his assault, but not before leaving long scratch marks on your arms. You really hope they fade before Dad visits again; he's been sympathetic to Sasuke up to now, but if he thinks the kid's hurting you he might change his mind.

"Why?" he asks, voice shaking. "Why would he ask you to do that?"

"Maybe we should hear the rest of what he said before we ask that," you say, sitting up and stroking Menka's fur to calm him. "Go on, man, what else did he say?"

Menka shivers. "I don't know if I should, Ino."

"The doctors said I've been put under some kind of long-term genjutsu," you tell him, petting his tail like he likes. "If I'm going to get rid of it, I need to know what he said to me."

Menka closes his eyes.

"'Please, I beg of you, look after my brother. And when the time comes... die by his hand.'"

The only sound in the room is an echo of laughter from the nurses' lounge down the hall.






[X] Write In (Like a Thief)

 

[X] (Poor Itachi. He is so dead. XD He just woke up the Ultimate Plan-Ruiner.)

You are aware, in a vague sort of way, that your hands are bleeding. Ah, well. That's what happens when you clench your fists with pointed nails.

"... no offense, man," you say to Sasuke, voice shaking, "but your brother is a psychotic cuntbag who needs to die."

Sasuke's expression shifts at that. Some of the horror goes out of it, and some of the rage comes back in.

"You don't have to worry," he says hoarsely. "I'll never, ever fight you again, I promise; we don't even have to talk to each other, if you don't want to. And if Itachi comes back..." He glares at the ground. "... I'll deal with him myself."

"Fuck that noise!" you roar, grabbing the front of Sasuke's shirt and pulling him over to you. "He took my mind, Sasuke. I am one who will become the fifteenth head of the Yamanaka Clan, and this man put his filthy hands on my thoughts and made them what he wanted them to be. That is a sin equal to the extraction of a Sharingan, and there will be a reckoning for it."

"He slaughtered my family and stole their bodies!" Sasuke shouts in your face. "I can't even give them a proper funeral!"

"And there will be a reckoning for that as well!" You let go of his shirt. "Just don't expect me to let you hog all the vengeance for yourself. There's plenty of S-ranked Lollypop asshole to go around."

Menka manages to hide behind you just as a nurse throws the door wide open. "What on earth is going on in here?!"

"A private conversation," Sasuke says harshly.

"Well if you intend to keep it private perhaps you should lower the volume! It's 10:30, the other children on this floor are trying to sleep!"

And with that she's gone again.

"From what I saw on my way in, exactly two kids are actually sleeping," Menka remarks. "The rest either have radios under their pillows or flashlights and manga. The ones in the rooms on either side of you guys probably have their ears pressed against the wall to listen." He thumps on your headboard in code, and sure enough, there's a curious answering knock.

"I'm not letting you stop being my friend," you say, ignoring your cat's new conversational partner. "Not because your brother has some kind of twisted 'plan' for you. I swear, on my name, as the future family-head, I will discover the seed of this genjutsu, and when I do, I will tear it out by the roots." You pause. "And I'll do the same for you, if it turns out he put you under one too. If you'll let me," you add.

"... do you think he did?" Sasuke asks, frown deepening.

You shake your head. "I honestly don't know what Uchiha Itachi would or wouldn't, can or can't do now."

Sasuke sighs.

"So..." he says after a while. "We train. We study genjutsu, and get you fixed, and fix me if I need fixing. We get strong, stronger than anyone else in the village, and then... we go find him."

His tone of voice is one you haven't heard from Sasuke before; it's heavy, and bitter, and as grown up as an eight-year-old's voice can be.

"If you're serious about this," you say quietly, petting Menka, "you might want to start by coming with us on our morning runs. I'm pretty sure they're why Hinata's endurance has improved lately."

"... okay."

He says it in the same tone as 'thank you'.

=

Perhaps sensing you need some cheering up, your brain-guys show you the time Jigen-san caught a mermaid, Lupin met a yeti and got frozen in carbonite, whatever that means ("Lupin, for god's sake, stop corrupting the kid's vocabulary to make your stupidity look cool."), and Goemon-san slew a fucking dragon from the inside out.

It's pretty great.

=

For your first memory palace, Dad suggests using your hospital room. You're going to be here a few days more, after all, until they've finished up the tests; you might as well use a room whose details you can check just by opening your eyes.

You decide to use this test-run palace for remembering:

[X] The names of the capitals and major cities of the Elemental Nations. Start with something you already know, to get a feel for the process.
[X] Stitching patterns and their names. You're always mixing them up.
[X] Your promise to Sasuke. If this room should be remembered for anything, it's that.

=

You are Hyuuga Hinata, it is 11 pm, and you are supposed to be in bed.

You are instead reading every scroll the clan library has on genjutsu structural analysis. It's not a field that many Hyuuga choose to study, given the futility of using all but the most fiendish genjutsu against the Byakugan, but the few books there are on the subject are thorough and methodical in their approach.

The material is miles beyond your current skill level, and there are many words you don't understand.

You don't care. You write them down on a pad of paper, so you can look them up later.

A smiling, slightly lopsided stuffed rabbit sits in your lap, a hand-lettered tag reading "Happy Birthday Hinata-chan" still around its neck.

=

You're Nara Shikamaru.

You aren't apparently doing much of anything, beyond sitting at the kotatsu and staring into space.

But at the moment, you're thinking about yin-chakra, and Rikudo Sennin, and eyes that turn like pinwheels.

That's good. They're constructive thoughts that build on what you know, and show you a few different beneficial moves you could make.

It's much better than thinking about a tiny blonde girl in a hospital bed pretending to smile while she tells you she's going to be fine.

=

You are Kuwabara Ami, and you are a princess on a mission.

Someone - there's an unsubstantiated rumour that it was Sasuke's brother, but nothing concrete has been said - has killed the entire Uchiha Clan except for Sasuke.

Ino has not been in class for a week and a half.

Neither has Sasuke.

Again. Someone has wiped out the Uchiha, a clan it was your fondest hope to one day join, and probably put your two best friends in the hospital while they were at it.

Someone has just made an enemy.

You recognize, on some level, how stupid you're being. Anyone who can take out the entirety of Konoha's strongest clan in one afternoon is not someone who has to worry about a civilian-born Academy student. They'd probably laugh themself sick at the thought.

Unless they were smart, and remembered that two out of three Sannin are civilian-born orphans, and that the Yondaime's parents ran a sandal shop.

The classroom door opens, and Ino and Sasuke enter together. Conversations grind to a halt, and everyone stares.

Calmly, you get to your feet, and go to your friends.

The path of the rescued princess is closed to you now.

What new destiny will you forge?

[X] The Princess Knight. "I, Kuwabara Ami, do in this hour and place pledge my sword to the service of Uchiha Sasuke, in the name of the Will of Fire."

[X] The Princess Mage. *hug; whisper in ears* "When I find whoever hurt you guys, I will crush them."

[X] The Princess Rogue. "I'm dropping out of the Academy." Sasuke can get ninja-help from anyone, but only one person can one day put the Family's resources at his disposal.

 

Teach us, Jigen-sensei!​

A thick cloud of smoke hangs over the bar; Nina Simone wails from within the heart of the jukebox, and the booths are upholstered in red leather. The bartender spots all of you entering, and waves you in the direction of a corner booth at the back of the long room. Jokes are cracked about Strider that leave the bartender staring after you blankly as you make your way past the pool tables.

Someone comments under their breath that if this bar isn't occupied entirely by crooks they'll eat their foot, and wonders aloud if this means you're gonna meet Ami's dad. Another astutely points out that since this all looks like real world America, but with bars you can still smoke in and jazz in the air instead of classic rock, you're more likely to run into a Lupin character.

This person is later vindicated when you arrive at the last booth on the right and encounter your rumpled, black-clad sensei.

Pleased t'meet ya, kids. And don't get any ideas with that title; it's just Jigen. Anyone lookin' to play 'naughty schoolgirl', you go talk to Lupin or Goemon - that's their scene, not mine. Don't let bushido-boy try and deny it, either.

Right, where was I? Yeah, okay, the skirt running this charade hired me to give you the low-down on how best to improve the assassination skills of the little girl you're pretending to be. I guess she felt bad about not giving me more screentime. Pagetime? Whatever. I was between jobs and the pay's not bad. From now on, if there's a prolonged tie or you hit a Bad End (which I doubt you will, seeing as this broad GMs with the training wheels on) you can come here and learn how not to fuck up.

*takes a long drag to punctuate his sentence* ...I don't harbour any false hopes about you actually learning anything from these experiences, a'course; you did decide to play as Lupin, after all.

First order of business: those of you worried about having to 'tear down' bits of memory palaces in order to modify them are takin' the 'house' part of the 'house of memories' thing too far. It's in your head, guys; you can just warp it into whatever you want. You got that elemental training for a reason, y'know - it wasn't to hand you a paintbox, it was to give you a framework to work with when you're just starting out so you don't jump into designing R'lyeh right off the bat. It constricts what you can do into something more manageable.

*grins around his cigarette* Why all the surprised looks? Didn't think I could read a book without pictures?

Anyway, what you need know now, with this deadlocked vote, is that you're picking your future specialization, here. Do you want to be good at building palaces that can store a lot of information related to a topic, which'll make it easier for you to pass that information on to other people in an organized way? Or do you want to get good at preserving emotional and spiritual information and all that hippie crap?

Hell, because I'm not an overgrown brat like your GM, I'll even tell you about the option you've completely ignored: it'll make it easy for you to store complex information. That's what it says in her notes, anyway - couldn't tell ya what the italics are supposed to indicate.

Right. Lesson's over. One of you buy me a whiskey sour and everyone get the hell out.

Thank you Jigen-sensei! Everyone, do your best!

Workin' for fangirls. What the hell am I doing with my life? -_-

 

Congratulations, you have just chosen a specialization in Constructs.

I could write a snippet about this, but I figure I said I'd tell you about it if you picked it, and that's what I should do.

Basically, from all your focus on trying to capture the moment just as it was, with all the emotional intensity you both felt, you got quite good at making your mental Sasuke seem lifelike. Granted, he only has the emotions he had in that short period of time... for now, anyway... but still. What you have preserved is more than a memory, even if it's still less than a full mental clone.

Constructs borrow a tiny fraction of your yin energy to mimic lifelike behaviour inside your head; they are most commonly used as part of a Yamanaka family jutsu I'll think of a poncy name for later. The basic idea of it is that when encountering a 3-5 group of mooks, career genin and the like, you trap them in your head the way your Dad did to you when he showed you his Matrix, and instead of the ninja waving to the guests, they wail the shit out of them.

Now tell me. What happens if you die in the Matrix?

Okay, okay, no, you can't kill people with your brain. ) But you can overwork their imaginations (read: yin reserves) so much that when you drop them back into their own heads, they'll wish they were dead. You might even be able to get it to the point that you can put people into comas - your Dad can manage that in a fight, provided he only has to do it to one target.

It's basically Tsukuyomi as designed by a Spark.

But that's just one thing you can use constructs for. Sakura unconsciously uses one as a vent to get rid of her more problematic emotions and opinions, the Hokage uses his to honour fallen friends and 'get their advice', some ANBU or, formerly, KMP personnel use them to model their targets' behaviour or compare various pieces of testimony at once, and Ebisu uses his to practice talking to women.

O.O PLANS! TO CUSTOMIZE LESSON PLANS IS WHAT HE MEANT TO SAY!

tl;dr: The Fab Four better get the sofabed pulled out, they're gonna have company in your head.

You can still learn to do the other stuff, too, but constructs are going to be the easiest for you.

 

[embed=425,349]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VnMNl92Qj4[/embed]

[X] The Princess Mage. *hug; whisper in ears* "When I find whoever hurt you guys, I will crush them."

You smirk. "That's the plan!" you say cheerily, drumming your fingers playfully on Ami's back as you return the hug.

Sasuke gives you a look.

"Dude," you say in a low voice, grinning maniacally, "can you imagine how royally pissed Itachi would be if we sent someone else to kill him? We could give her an introductory letter and everything, be all like 'hey bro, I'm kinda busy being awesome at the moment, but my friend Ami said she wanted a crack at you first anyway, so if you can defeat her, maybe I'll pencil you in next month'. It'd be awesome."

Sasuke frowns, but you can tell you've given him food for thought.

"So... the rumour's true?" Ami whispers as the three of you take some free seats in the back row. "The one who... hurt you, was...?"

"If you really wanna crush him, Ami, you're going to have to do better than a 72 in Handseals," you say bluntly.

She turns bright red. "Then I will, you smart-mouthed hussy!"

Whew. That's better. Ami is too young and too... Ami to act like an overprotective mother.

At least to you. To Sasuke she rarely acts like anything else.

At lunch, Hinata comes over to give you some notes she's taken on genjutsu from her clan library.

"This is great!" you exclaim, flipping through page after page of yin-manipulation theory rendered in her elegant brushmanship; she even included some diagrams of what different types and levels of genjutsu look like with a Byakugan. "Thank you so much, this is going to be really helpful. I'm surprised your Dad let these notes out of the compound."

She shuffles her feet and smiles at the ground. "... I think he would be surprised too, if he knew he had."

You blink.

Rebellious Princess Syndrome. The voice 'nods'. Uncharacteristically, it feels the need to add, in a sulky murmur: How are you better at this at seven than I was at 14?

=

When you and Shikamaru arrive at his house after school, Chouji's there.

In his hand is an envelope. A hesitant smile crosses his face as he hands it over.

You open it, and find that the letter inside is written in Chouji's dad's hand.

A crow landed in the duck pond yesterday evening.

You go stock-still.

Duck pond is code for Hikari-kyo, after the giant artifical lake next to the vizier's residence.

Itachi is in the capital.

You look at Chouji. He holds up an ink well and a brush.

^_^; "I know how much you hate it when you don't get the last word."





Acquire Weasel penpal? Y/N

If yes, please select trolling style:

[X] Pithy and to the point. You're already demonstrating you can just send him a letter whenever you want, that does half the work for you.

[X] Troll? No, no, no. Ino is a good girl. :3

[X] Follow me on twitter @TheCrimsonFuckr! ;D

----------

Because it doesn't really make any sense for the creepy bug people or the introverted lazy deer people to have an intelligence network. A successful intelligence network requires a natural gift for establishing person-to-person connections and a nonthreatening atmosphere.

Much like the restaurant business.

 

Dear future drinking-vessel (and the brain inside it, I guess),

I'd like to thank you for so graciously volunteering your services as both a murder victim and secondary source of income. Really, I don't know what to say - we've never been close, and to just offer me $28 million like this... well. I'm touched. But of course I don't need to tell you that, do I? ^_^

Since your genjutsu lesson I've made excellent progress, and I hope to be able to share some of my refinements and new ideas with you very soon.

Did you know the Nara still have some of Orochimaru's old notebooks in their private medical library? I know! I was surprised, too.

Sincerely, Ino the Fifth

p.s.: If you're wondering where your brother's letter is, there isn't one. You don't have a brother anymore. He's mine now. So... that's a thing.

=

Unsurprisingly, there is no reply. Those Lollypops, no manners at all.

----------

As you've no doubt guessed, $28 million ryo is Itachi's bounty in the latest Bingo Book.

I had to channel manga-Lupin a little bit to write this.

----------

The school year ends in March. Choose one training focus for the next two months or so, and then we'll have a timeskip to the first day of grade two.

[X] Memory palace-ing.
-> [X] Refine brain-Sasuke a little bit more. See if you can add your memories of him from when he was younger and more cheerful; it's depressing, having him be in aftermath-of-the-Massacre-mode all the time.
-> [X] Start work on a new palace. (To help you remember what? Write-In.)
[X] Read over those genjutsu notes Hinata got for you.
[X] According to the Bingo Book, Itachi's only real weakness (which isn't really all that much of one, but hey, it's something) is his stamina and endurance. Time to grind free-running like you and Sasuke talked about.

 

It's a cloudy but calm day that you begin your second year as an Academy student.

You notice a few new kids and a few missing faces. You're not really surprised by that; Shikamaru's dad has mentioned before that the Academy has a student-shuffling system it uses to sort out who's going to be in which class and, ultimately, what their options are after their graduation.

What does surprise you is that Sakura, that pink haired girl with great scholastic marks, is gone, but Uzumaki Naruto is still here. And he's stepped his game up from last year - no longer content to be merely loud, he's moved on to being obnoxious. And referring to himself by his full name whenever attempting something he perceives to be 'cool'.

"I'm not that much of an attention whore, am I?" you ask as he fails at air-somersaulting onto his desk.

"Mm, maybe," Ami says, sounding slightly grudging, as though disappointed at having to compare you half-favourably with someone for once. "You're annoyingly good at a lot of stuff, so it's not as if it's entirely your fault that you're a showoffy bitch, but this is just kinda pathetic. It's like he wants us to make fun of him."

"I think it's admirable, the way he keeps trying," Hinata puts in. "I don't think he has anyone helping him with his homework, or with anything, really, and he still comes to school every day and works his hardest."

Ami frowns at that, but doesn't say anything. She just twists her hair, a habit she developed when she decided to grow it out.

You poke her. "Split ends! If you want long hair you have to take care of it!"

"Yeah, thanks, I got that the last fifteen times you told me."

=

Your non-shinobi-course teachers are finally letting you skip ahead, but where do you want your punchy-wizard focus to be this year? Pick two, but you can only make a memory palace for one.

[X] Intro to Genjutsu
[X] Intro to Ninjutsu
[X] Taijutsu
[X] Survival
[X] Weaponry
[X] Tutoring Ami in Handseals and Trapmaking, her two worst subjects. In exchange, she'll be willing to tutor you in Weaponry, her best subject and your worst.

You, Hinata, Menka and Sasuke have been free-running together in the mornings like you agreed to, and you're all still sparring buddies. Any additional training you'd like to do? Pick one.

[X] More parkour. Stamina's the one advantage you could conceivably have over Itachi, level it up for all you're worth.
[X] Both of them have been comparing stories, and now they want to know; how the hell do you keep picking locks and getting away with it? How do you make seals just not work?!
[X] Sasuke has full access to the wealth of the Uchiha clan - he can amply afford to join Menka's kenjutsu lessons with Ami. If he can stand her longing looks and stay out of the way of her devil-blade.

 

[X] While Lupin and Elan from Sidereal Quest adjourn to the patio to kick back, down some cocktails, and call out unhelpful instructions...

It didn't take either of you long to discover that neither of you can teach worth dick.

"No, you're holding it too tightly," Ami says, yanking the kunai out of your hand. You glower at her as she once again 'demonstrates' in a way that doesn't actually explain what she's doing.

"I still don't see why all of us have to learn to throw stuff," you grumble.

"God, you're lazy," she scowls. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised; you did grow up with Shikamaru, after all. Are you seriously incapable of learning stuff unless you're good at it right away?"

"Maybe?" you offer sulkily. You weren't this mean when you were showing her how nested-trapping works.

"Well, become capable, then! Have a dream about your Goemon-san practicing shurikenjutsu or something, instead of magic rifles."

"There's a way to make those, there has to be."

"Stop talking and throw the damn knife!"

"Fine!" You don't even bother to look as you whip it away.

There is a distant shattering sound.

"... Ami?"

O.O "Yeah."

"Did I just...?"

O.O "Throw a kunai right through Kiba's mom's front window? Yeah. Yeah you did."

You bolt.

Naturally you make it all the way home without getting caught, but that just means Inuzuka Tsume shows up at your house after dinner and lets Mom and Dad know what you did. Stupid nose-based sensors.

They make you apologize to her, and once she leaves you get a lecture from Mom about responsibility and owning up to your actions.

You don't entirely follow. If you had let yourself get caught, wouldn't Dad have been disappointed in you?

Still. You don't like it when Mom is sad, so you promise to be more careful when practicing in future.

She... doesn't seem satisfied by this, and you wonder if somehow you've missed the point of what she was saying.

Eventually, over the course of the school year, your Weaponry marks get better. They aren't great, but you aren't barely getting by anymore, and for that you're thankful.

Ami, with painstaking effort, brings her Handseals average up to an 80, but the best you can say about her Trap-Making is that she's a lot better at taking them apart without setting them off now.

=

[X] Here in the middle of Imagination...

Shahera-sensei kicks so much ass and Genjutsu is awesome.

She starts off with an explanation of how to identify that you're in a genjutsu, and seems delighted when you turn out to have lots and lots of ideas about little details that could tip you off. Then she casts an illusion that turns the classroom into a beautiful garden full of exotic flowers and birds.

When she releases it, she holds up various items she's taken from each of your desks.

That first class is what decides it for you. Before, you wanted to learn about genjutsu because of what Itachi did to you. Now you want to know all about it because it's wonderful, and it deserves better than him.

=

[X] Bridging the Gap

The Byakugan adds a little something extra to Hinata's frown.

"... Ino-chan, you know if you didn't have such good chakra control you could easily permanently paralyze your hand using this method, don't you?"

You laugh. "Aw, it can't be that hard, I've been doing it since I was a baby."

"That story is true? Wait," Sasuke interrupts himself with a sigh, "of course it's true, it's you."

"Is this really that different from what you do, Hinata-chan?" you ask. "I mean, when you push chakra out of your fingers or Ami pumps it into whatever weapon she's holding, do you guys stop and think about how much chakra is too much or too little, or do you just do it?"

"D-don't be ridiculous! This is on a different level from that!" Hee. She doesn't blush as much as she used to, but you seem to have a knack for bringing it out of her. "Only seal masters are supposed to be able to do this kind of thing! Promise me you won't try to do this with a more complicated seal without studying under a seal master first!"

You blink. "I promise. Dad already made me promise that."

"Good," she says, with visible relief. "And Sasuke, please promise me you won't try to learn it until you activate your Sharingan."

"Ino does it without a dojutsu!" he protests.

"But I do have a rare and elusive mimijutsu!" you declare, striking a pose.

"Ano, I don't think that's a word, Ino-chan," Hinata says.

"My ears hear all~!"

"Promise, Sasuke," Hinata says, trying to get you both back on topic.

"... I promise," Sasuke finally says sullenly.

"Well, since that lesson's been put on hold... wanna learn how to get past a normal lock?" you ask.

Hinata gets the basics down quicker than Sasuke, but Sasuke picks it up much faster than would be realistic to expect from someone who can't make their eyes give them a cross-section of the lock.

=

You, Hinata and Ami are walking home from school for a sleepover at your place when you come across Lee-sempai and the older boys in the park.

They aren't all that much older, really, but both of them are taller than him and both of them are fighting him at once. He's fending them off all right, but it looks like it's taking everything he has to do it.

"C'mon!" one of them says. "What about all that tough talk earlier about making it without genjutsu or ninjutsu? If you can't even manage this much, how do you expect to ever be a ninja?"

[X] Go help him fight!

[X] Make a plan with Ami and Hinata to distract these assholes and get them to go away.

[X] Lee would be crushed if you had to rescue him; he's very big on the whole sempai-protecting-and-guiding-their-kouhai thing. Have faith in your sempai's ability.

 

[X] Playing with the Big Boys Now

"We have to do something," you say, eyes scanning the terrain to best know how to set up your diversion.

KUWABARA INTERRUPT!

"Then what are you standing around for?" Ami says, and picking up a stone from the road, chucks it right at the tallest boy's head.

He drops to the ground a scant second after it hits him, out cold.

You whistle. Note to self: When running away from a pissed-off Ami, serpentine movement is key.

The fight breaks off for a second, and both of the combatants stare at first the passed-out kid and then you three.

"You little-!" the older boy yells, and breaks into a run toward Ami.

He's tackled from behind before he takes more than three steps.

"Did you forget?" Lee asks, panting. "Your opponent is m-"

The boy cuts him off with a punch to the face, and the fight resumes. All sign of formalized structure has disappeared; the Academy doesn't teach a whole lot of grappling, after all.

"Kick his ass, sempai!" you holler.

Lee looks up, shock on his face.

Unfortunately, this leaves him open for the suckerpunch that knocks the wind out of him.

The big kid gets to his feet, panting, and wipes the blood away from his mouth. "Huh. How d'ya like that? Even a freak like you can get fangirls, I guess."

Lee makes no reply, still wheezing, trying desperately to fill his lungs again. It's a terrible sound.

His opponent turns his back on him, and starts trying to wake up the boy Ami knocked out.

Teeth gritted, you slip your tessen out of your sleeve and-

"... don't..."

You stop short.

Lee has propped himself up on his elbow, and is now struggling to sit up.

"... my fight..." he manages, his voice little more than a whisper.

[X] What the hell kind of shinobi of the Leaf stands by while their friend gets pummelled? Ignore his request and open up a can of whup-ass!

[X] Such determination... that stubborn idiot...! Why does he have to be so...?

----------

Okay, explanation here. If you'd jumped right in, you wouldn't have given Ami time to do what her first instinct was, and if you'd cheered Lee on, she would have gotten curious about what exactly you think a kid barely older than you could do to two opponents, and held back.

As it was... well...

 

[X] 10/10 for style, minus several million for good thinking

You swallow your anger. Lee may get beat to hell, but he wants to end this himself. You...

... keep swinging, keep moving, the blood will mat into your hair soon and it'll stop dripping in your eye, god why'd you have to get dizzy now, shit, is your nose broken or does it just hurt, fuck, there goes a tooth, new crown if you get out of this, which you will, you've just got to deal with this ugly Hulk-looking bastard first...

... understand, a little bit. You let out your breath, and loosen up your back a bit, then saunter over.

"Maa, maa, what's this?" you call to the boy bent over his fallen friend, forcing cheer into your voice. You point at Lee, who has made it back onto his feet, clutching his ribs. "It's rude to leave your dance partner before the music stops."

The boy looks at you, then at Lee. His eyes bug comically. "Wh-what the hell, kid?" he blurts out. "You tryin' ta die?"

"... no..." Lee whispers, and with a wince, he falls into a ready stance. "... trying... to finish..."

"What the hell's going on?" the tall boy on the ground asks dazedly.

"I got this, Muchi," the other one says, standing and lunging at Lee once again.

"I remember..." 'Muchi' says to no one in particular, "we were gonna give that little thick-browed brat a taijutsu lesson, and then someone hit me in the head..."

"Mmhmm," Ami says, leaning over him with a smirk. "That was me."

"... you-!"

"Ah, ah, ah," you cut him off, blocking his fist easily with your tessen. "Assaulting one of the judges is cause for immediate disqualification, you know. You don't want to make your friend lose on a technicality, do you?"

He shakes out his hand, eyes watering. "Judges...?" he asks, frown deepening.

You nod merrily, making all this shit up as you go along. "In the match between Lee-sempai and that other sempai."

Ami pulls out a kunai and glares. "We're here to make sure no one does anything as despicable as ganging up on someone younger than them."

"Isn't that right?" You pat the boy on his shoulder. "We'll just all sit here and watch the fight together..."

You smile at him. "... ne?"

It is not a kind expression.

He bites his lip, and nods.

The fight is hell to watch. You can hear Hinata's insides spiralling in distress, and it's obvious it's taking all of Ami's self-control not to jump into the fray herself.

Lee gets knocked to the ground again, and gets up, again.

Lee gets knocked to the ground again, and gets up, again.

Lee gets knocked to the ground, and gets-

"WHY WON'T YOU STAY DOWN?!"

The older kid is freaking out, and you can see why. Lee isn't going to need long-term hospitalization or anything, but he looks like he's been thrown from a horse; his arms are covered in a mass of purplish-grey, he's been socked in the eye so much the bruise on his cheek has started bleeding, and there are twin trails of blood trickling from his nose. Any other, sane kid would have run home by now, or just turtled on the ground, or something. They wouldn't be trying to hold a proper taijutsu stance on a twisted ankle.

"Because..." he wheezes, "I haven't won yet."

The boy stares at him for a moment, trembling, expression warring between fear and disgust.

And then he runs.

"Kato!" his friend calls after him, then looks at you and Ami.

You shrug, and Ami puts her kunai away. He gets to his feet and follows his friend, throwing one last look over his shoulder at you.

"Well, I don't know about you," you say, genuinely smiling for the first time in what feels like ages, "but when your opponent runs away like a startled kitten, I call that a win." You grin at Lee, who, while still on his feet, seems a little spacey. "Whaddya say, Ami?"

She raises one arm and brings it swiftly down in a fight-concluded gesture. "THE MATCH GOES TO... uh... NORI-SEMPAI!" she shouts.

"Ami-chan!" Hinata says, sounding indignant.

You giggle. You've never mentioned it, but Lee's eyebrows really do look two strips of nori over his eyes.

Lee blinks, very slowly. A look of surprise creeps over his face.

"I... won?"

"Did I win, he asks!" Ami says, rolling her eyes. "That kid is going to be having nightmares about you for the rest of his life. What the hell were you thinking, telling us to keep out of it? You look like a bum getting thrown out of a casino!"

"It's a guy thing," you tell her. "You wouldn't get it."

Lee's expression is like the sun coming up. All of a sudden he bursts into tears. "I... I wanted to prove I belong in the Academy... that I could be a great shinobi, even though I can't use genjutsu or ninjutsu... and I did!"

He attempts to punch the sky in triumph, only to let out an 'ouch!' and clutch his side again.

Despite yourself, you grin, and pat him on the shoulder. "Damn right you did, sempai! You showed that jerk what a real Leaf-nin is made of."

"Ino-chan... thank you..."

"What would that be, sheer bloody-mindedness?" Ami snorts. "I wish that didn't make all kinds of horrible sense."

"Ami-san, was it? And Hinata-san?" Lee manages a half-bow. "I am in your debt. If you hadn't held back Muchi-san, I might not have made it this far. Thank you."

"It was nothing," Ami says, waving a hand.

"... youwereverybrave!" Hinata blurts out all in a rush.

... oh that's what that was. You try not to let your grin turn into a leer.

Oblivious, Lee grins broadly at her. "It was easy to be brave, with you three here."

"Well, you might need that bravery a little while longer, man," you say, "seeing as we're taking you to the hospital."

"I assure you, I'm fine!" He tries to laugh jovially, but the wincing kinda ruins it.

"Bullshit," you say cheerfully, stepping behind him and shoving him in the direction of the hospital. "Ami, Hinata, grab hold to make sure he doesn't get away."

By the time you hand Lee off to a medic, Hinata's face has turned so pink it's almost purple.

You smile knowingly at Ami behind her back.

Ami's eyes flick in a circuit between you, Hinata, Lee, and then come back to you with a look of astonishment.

"What could she see in him?" your purple-haired friend asks later that night, while Hinata's in the bathroom changing into her pyjamas. "He's so plain and normal."

"Were we watching the same fight?" you ask. "I don't think that kind of iron will to succeed is normal at all. Maybe among Kage-"

"Or Iga-nin?" Ami asks, raising one eyebrow.

Damn it, you knew you shouldn't have taught her how to do that. She's using her powers for evil! Time to rebuke her like a good sensei should!

"Shut up!" You tickle her furiously until the two of you dissolve into laughter.

----------

Summer vacation is coming up. Whacha wanna do for the most part? Pick one.

[X] Hang with Shika and Chouji. You three aren't like you were, but sometimes it's just nice to be together, y'know?

[X] Train with Hinata, Sasuke and Menka. Sasuke says if you want there's a whole scroll on tessenjutsu techniques in the family library that's just going to go to waste if you don't use it.

[X] Get into mischief with Ami and Hinata. Maybe even get some training in.

After the summer break, what do you want to do with your free time? Pick three.

[X] Dream a little dream (or two, or three) of...
-> [X] Fucking handguns! How do they work?
-> [X] Hinata and Dad made you promise to get a seal master to teach you. They didn't say who the teacher had to be. Maybe one of your dream guys knows something about seals...
-> [X] A funny short-legged gorilla-man in a trench coat and hat.

[X] Work on improving your sewing.

[X] Work on your koto-playing.

[X] Work on expanding your sensing range.

[X] Introduce Lee-sempai to Menka. You don't need to be able to mould chakra to be a great swordsman, after all.

[X] Well... there's another art you know that doesn't require external chakra-manipulation...

 

[X] Blow Me Away

Tessenjutsu as the Uchiha practised it is different from what little you've learned of the Takazono manner, or your own improvised (rather noodly) strikes.

Mom showed you how to use moves that could be executed easily and rapidly inside a small room, one after the other, without knocking anything over. It's a courtier's style, through and through.

The Uchiha-style Art of the Steel Fan is primarily concerned with how to knock everything over, including small-scale fortifications and improperly-reinforced siege engines, apparently. There are illustrations and everything.

Sadly, the instructions on how to do it aren't on any of the scrolls. They must have been passed down exclusively through the oral tradition.

Maybe one day you can figure out how to recreate the technique. It'd make a nice present for Sasuke; flashy ninjutsu is pretty much his favourite thing.

Most of the forms are designed for gunbai or, of course, uchiwa, rather than your own folding fan, but the basic principles are the same, and you quickly adapt and absorb what you can.

Sasuke still refuses to spar with you until the compulsion matter is settled, but Hinata's got that covered. She seems less hesitant these days, more willing to go for openings when she sees them; Sasuke and she are competing on an even footing, now.

You're a little envious. Yeah, you've got Menka, but it's not quite the same thing as having someone your own age and skill level to test yourself against.

Ah, well. At least you've still got cranky-sempai at school.

Speaking of Menka, you're happy to be able to spend a little more time with him over the month and a half you have off. Since you started the Academy and made new friends it'd felt kinda like you two had gotten into a rut of just seeing each other in the morning for runs and at night before bed. Now that Hinata and Sasuke are in on 'Daisuke's' secret, though, you can talk all the time.

A few weekends you set aside for just you two, though. There's a relaxed atmosphere to being alone with an old friend. Occasionally Menka'll pose some bizarre hypothetical about a Ninja Princess Kurogiku character's love life (he has made you swear a solemn oath never to reveal that he's read the series), or come up with a theory for why there aren't bakeneko anymore, and you can just go with the conversation, and not find him weird or worry that he'll think you're weird. In each other's company, you find contentment.

And occasionally janken matches over who has to do the dishes, but mostly contentment.

[X] Pistolero

Finally, at long last, you know why Konoha does't have any handguns.

They are a bitch and a half to make and their bullets have to be of specific dimensions or they won't fire properly.

The one you learn this from is, of course, Jigen. You see him taking his gun apart to clean it, and when he puts it back together you see just how perfectly all the edges line up and how alike all the bullets are.

Bullets, you know, can't be reused. If they're that polished and smooth, it's because they have to be.

He then rubs in the fact that you're never going to get to try out a real pistol by showing you all the different ways it can be used to make repeated, impossibly-accurate shots that even Weasel would have a hard time replicating with traditional weaponry. Thousands of shots, over decades. Shots that save lives, shots that end them

You wake feeling frustrated, and chained by reality.

But you have what you need to begin.

=

[X] The Chair at the Heart of the Rock

He leaps backward with a yelp, and the sparks follow him.

You facepalm. Fire. Fucking of course his affinity would be fire. The most difficult affinity to truly master, and it goes to him.

The laws of physics just hate this guy.

You'd thought that, not being able to manipulate chakra externally at all, Lee wouldn't have an affinity, and the more volatile elements wouldn't be such a dangerous place to start. No such luck, apparently.

Lee's not dumb, but his grasp of the philosophical relationship between the elements and himself is about where it reasonably should be, for a nine-year-old. Which is to say, pretty damn far behind yours; no flash of insight for him. If the elements were people, they'd lock their doors and pretend not to be home when your sempai came to visit. You find out when you question him that the flames only reached out for him once he tried to reach out for them, prompting you to give him a highly-hypocritical lecture on safety.

At this rate, it'll be years before he gets the synchronicity down. Maybe even a decade.

You sigh. Maybe this is why only a few people bother learning how to organize and command their Matrices.

Lee doesn't want to give up, though. If anything, the difficulty makes him more determined. Says even if it takes him the rest of his time in the Academy, he'll master elemental meditation.

He says it in a tone that is so nostalgic for you that any pessimism you might have had evaporates.

It is very slightly awkward when the next day at school he accidentally refers to you as 'Ino-sempai'.

----------

You got something cool for your birthday. What is it?

[X] A second tessen! Awesome, now you can try out some of those two-handed moves that were in the scroll.
[X] Permission to start learning D-ranked jutsu! 'Bout damn time!
[X] A long-weekend trip with Mom to Tanzaku Gai. A whole three days of cool new food, theatre, staying up late, and relaxing in hot springs. And she let you bring a friend!
-> [X] Ami
-> [X] Hinata

----------

So here's the thing, guys; I don't know a lot about gun construction. Is a Walther P38 going to be harder to replicate than a S&W Model 19 Combat revolver? I went with Jigen because I assumed a revolver would be easier, since they were invented first and everything, but I honestly don't know.

Either way, it will be fiendishly difficult. Less difficult than relearning Lupin's facility with throwing knives (it's a massively-difficult skill to acquire to a useful level in real life), but still. Impossible dream is impossible.

... and you know how Lupins love that word. 8)

 

[X] It's a Kanye West song, okay? C'mon, click the link, it won't kill you.

[img width=600 height=400]http://cdn.c.photoshelter.com/img-get/I0000bWHiPoge2MI/s/850/850/konstantin-egorov-japan-026.jpg[/img]
(Source: Some fellow named Konstantin Egorov. Found on photoshelter.com

The sun has nearly set on Thursday evening as the bus comes over the hill, and you and Ami gasp in delight. The shifting colours of the spotlights directed at Tanzaku Castle are visible even at this distance, like a lighthouse for weary travellers and hungry card-sharps alike. The bared slopes of Mt Ogon, used in winter for skiing, have been lit with torches that spell out WELCOME in characters thirty feet tall.

"You're very lucky to have been born on the Equinox, sweetheart," Mom says, smiling. "It's as though the whole town is celebrating your birthday with you."

For once, you have nothing to say. All you can do is smile back at her.

The spectacle doesn't end when you arrive in the town itself; drummers and pages proclaiming the commencement of the 118th Annual Tanzaku Gai Shubun no Matsuri flank the gates, serenading you and the other travellers as you dismount from the bus and enter a glowing tunnel of rickshaws, high-rollers, touts, call girls, tourists, and innumerable neon signs. The main drag of Tangai (as the locals call it, according to your guidebook) stretches in a straight line from the gates to the castle palisades, and not an inch of vertical space has been allowed to go to waste.

The Limetree​

TONIGHT ONLY: MASUYAMA EIKO AND THE HONEY FLASH FIVE​

THE GLASS SLIPPER​

Featuring Special Guest MC: Sohma Ayame​

*
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Seven Sisters Casino & Lounge​

Kitajima Maya is​

Kurenai Tennyo​

The international award-winning production in a limited two-week engagement​

5 RYO SHRIMP PLATTER!​

"Which hotel is ours, Takae-sensei?" Ami asks, eyes drinking in all the brightly-decked inns and boarding houses. She's called your mother that ever since she found out her maiden name and put two and two together. You wouldn't have figured Ami for a traditional-music fan, but apparently you would have figured wrong.

"It's in a much less exciting neighbourhood, I'm afraid," Mom says. She turns at a broad intersection and leads you down a street not as bright but just as gaudy as Castle Boulevard.

Eventually, the gimmicky signboards and statues of 'goddesses' of luck give way to a quiet residential district, full of well-tended apartment houses and traditional single-family homes. At each gate hang pink lanterns, illuminating the street with a gentle glow.

Just when you're reaching the point of whining about your backpack being too heavy, you catch a whiff of sulphur on the breeze, and look up at mom in shock.

"But you said it was going to be too expensive..."

She winks at you, and echoes your plea of two months ago. "How can we visit Tanzaku Gai and not stay at a ryokan?"

"Whoo!" You turn to Ami and hug her enthusiastically. "Hot springs here we come!"

The inn in question is owned and operated by a widow and her very, very tired-looking son-in-law. He brightens up when he sees mom, then goes back to normal when he sees she's travelling with kids. With a sigh, he hands over the keys to rooms 10 and 11.

You are stoked to be having your own room. Dad wanted it to be all three of you sharing, but Mom was really nice about your request for privacy and talked him into springing for two rooms. Mom takes the one facing the exterior garden; if you need her, she'll be right across the hall.

Dropping your bags in exhaustion, you and Ami collapse gratefully onto the futons that've been laid out for you.

So this is Tanzaku Gai. The whole place can't be more than a third Konoha's size, and yet it seems like the beating heart of everything worth doing in the world.

"... hey, Ino?" Ami sounds sleepy already.

"Mm?"

"What's with that nickname your mom has for you?"

"... oh, 'sweetheart', you mean? I dunno, it's just something she's always called me. Dad does, too."

"It's kind of weird. Does she mean your heart is tasty, or that she thinks you're the goddess of sweets or something?"

You blush in embarrassment. "I never thought about it before. I guess she means that my feelings are sweet, or something like that."

"Mm..." She yawns (you try, unsuccessfully, not to echo her), and rolls over.

"Hey, don't go to sleep!" you protest, shaking her. "We have permission to stay up for as long as we want if we don't make too much noise."

"You're such a kid, Ino," she mumbles.

You huff. "Well you can sleep and be boring if you want to. I'll just go through the guidebook by myself to decide what stuff we'll do tomorrow."

"'kay."

You sit there for a while, underlining interesting stuff to see in silence.

"... Ino..."

You glance over at Ami. She's curled up into a little ball on her futon, facing you. Her eyes are closed, and her chakra indicates she's in the peaceful state between sleep and waking. You smile. Somehow it's just so... Ami, that even when everything else about her is relaxed, her mouth and brows both fall into a natural frown.

"... Ino..."

"Yeah, I'm listenin'," you say. Your first instinct is to touch her hand or something, but Ami isn't much of a touchy-feely person even when she's awake.

"... thanks..."

----------

Never underestimate the overactive imagination of a shoujo manga fan when it comes to setting design. :3



It's a bright new day in Tanzaku Gai! What's first on the list you made last night?

[X] Go check out the castle! Tangai started out as a gold-mining town, they've got to have loads of beautiful stuff on display in there!

[X] The markets! Mom says they double in size during festivals and bring in stuff from all over - who knows what you could find?

[X] The festival-proper! Between Ami's skill with throwing stuff and your fast hands, you two'll make out like bandits!

 

[X] Pinocchio

It takes Ami approximately twenty minutes to catch the attention of the festival's organizers, and by the time they arrive she is surrounded by tiny children hugging the various gigantic stuffed animals she's won and calling her nee-chan.

Turns out if you win every single game you play in a casino town, eventually someone invites you to their office to say hello. You wonder if this isn't just a convenient way to snatch you for the pickpocketing, but Ami waves off your concerns.

"You have to take care of your big winners," she says authoritatively. "It makes sure they'll come back and give you more money. And when someone wins a lot, it's important to know what they look like, in case they turn up later. That way you can keep track of who the cheaters and troublemakers are."

Well, it certainly worked today, you think with a smirk.

When you inform Mom, she takes this whole thing in stride, inspecting your fingers for the remains of cotton candy and wiping a non-existent pizza stain from the corner of your mouth before instructing the two fellas sent to fetch you to lead on.

You're initially annoyed at her treating you like a kid like this, until something occurs to you.

She's treating you like a normal kid because as far as these guys know, you are a normal kid. For some reason, she doesn't want you to stand out to this Kurioka guy.

Kurioka's office is impeccably furnished, with tasteful millwork and fine silk curtains. You conclude almost immediately that his wife must have approved these touches, because Kurioka himself could not look more out-of-place or uncomfortable if he were wearing a Kumo hitai-ate at a Hyuuga family reunion. The only thing in the room that really looks like it belongs to him is the drinks cart; it's made of fake bamboo with frosted glass shelves and green paper-umbrella hubcaps on the wheels. It is adorably kitschy and goes well with Kurioka's floral shirt.

The bottles on the cart are all full, which makes you wonder if he's trying to project the image of a good host while not being a drinker himself, or if he's an alcoholic with a mickey stashed in his desk drawer who's trying to look like a more temperate man.

"Ah, Takae-sensei!" Kurioka says, grinning as he lays down his cigar and stands to greet the three of you. "How wonderful to have you in Tange' once again, how." Hm, your guidebook was wrong about the local nickname, sounds like. Noted.

"It has been a while, has it not, Kurioka-san?" Mom murmurs with a bow that you echo perfectly, wondering what's going on. "Please convey my congratulations to Oshibe-san on your recent good fortune."

"You are too kind, sensei," he says, returning the bow, then turning his attention to Ami. "And this young markswoman who swept the fair is with you?" He extends a hand, and Ami shakes it. "Kurioka Yoshihiro. What might your name be, ojou-chan, what?"

"Kuwabara Ami," she says with a nod.

There are the usual hangers-on lounging around the room (rent-a-ronin, a lawyer, a beautiful woman in a dress that would be almost cartoonishly oversexualized if it weren't so well-made), but the ones who catch your attention (and Ami's, from the look of things) are the Konoha-nin.

There're three of them, all in their mid-teens, two of them in glasses. Well, three if you count the sunglasses Mr Cool over there is wearing so he won't be left out. The black-haired ones are a pace behind Kurioka, but the one you're interested in is the one behind you, by the doors. You tried to pretend you didn't see him when you came in, but you're pretty sure he knows you know he's there. He's quite a bit stronger than the average genin, after all.

"Kuwabara Ami," Kurioka says in a considering tone. "Now that wouldn't make you Saito Sumire's little girl, now, would it?"

"You knew Mom?" Ami asks hesitantly.

Kurioka gives her a proud nod. "Mm. Everyone knew Saito-san; she was a great lady. I was sorry to hear she'd passed. You look a lot like your dad, otherwise I'd've worked it out when I saw that purple hair. Anyway, how's old Rei doin' these days, anyway?"

"Quite well, thank you," Ami replies through gritted teeth.

"I guess he'd have to be, puttin' his daughter through the Ninja Academy," he replies, oblivious. "Good. That's good." He grins. "Maybe when you graduate I can hire your squad for festival security. Kabuto-kun, ne, whacha think, Kabuto-kun?" he calls to the genin by the door, making Mom and Ami turn in surprise (and you in 'surprise') to look at him. "Does she have what it takes?"

"She's very skilled for someone so young, Kurioka-sama," the boy answers.

Ami stares at him. "Thank you for your kind words... Kabuto-san, was it?"

"Say, there's a thought," Kurioka says, and you almost - almost! - roll your eyes. There is no way in hell he didn't plan to suggest whatever he's about to suggest from the moment you walked in, probably before. You've met genin who were better actors than this guy.

"Kabuto-kun, I want you to show these ladies the sights," he continues. "Misumi-kun and Yoroi-kun can protect me for a few hours by themselves; I'm sure they're more than capable of keeping me from accidentally strangling myself with the... the swags, or whatever trouble it is my wife thinks I'll get into in here."

"It would be my pleasure, Kurioka-sama," Kabuto says, smiling at Ami.

=

Kabuto, as it turns out, is a pretty good tour guide. You'd almost think he was a native of Tanzaku Gai.

First off he shows you the rooftop park on top of the Mishima Zaibatsu building and the collection of sculptures on display there. The view is amazing, and he points out all the parts of the wall around the town that've had to be rebuilt over the years, thrice from Uchiha raids (Ami preens in borrowed pride at this).

Then he takes you by the birthplace of Himekawa Ayumi (tokubetsu jounin, infiltration specialization, 200 D-rank, 150 C-rank, 228 B-rank, details of A and S-ranks undertaken not yet fully declassified), because you've wanted to pay your respects there for a while.

It's a small traditional home, behind an Udon shop. Now converted into a museum of her life in drama, its tiny rooms are crammed with display cases and hung with photos, postcards from famous fans, and other memorabilia. In the living/bedroom she shared with her mother and two sisters before she was sent to Konohagakure at age 6, the juunihitoe she wore in her first starring role as Tsubakihime has pride of place, as vibrant and beautiful as it must have been on the night she wore it. Your fingers itch ever-more uncontrollably the longer you look at it.

But no treasure, even such a lavish one as that, can surpass what is easily the saddest and most impressive thing about Himekawa Ayumi.

In the whole museum, there is not one mention of her shinobi career.

No documents. No rumours. No urban myths. No ghost stories.

If you hadn't read that biography all those years ago, you'd wonder if they really were the same woman; the kunoichi, and the most famous actress of her day.

You spend a little time at the small shrine to one side of the house, not really praying, just thinking, hoping Ayumi got the recognition she deserves in whatever passes for an afterlife for ninja. Finally, you drop some coins in the offering box and clap your hands together once.

Please let my jounin-sensei be even half as cool as you.

=

"Ne, Kabuto-san," you ask a short while later, "where do the lights and things go during the day?"

The four of you are walking down Castle Boulevard, but the only thing that indicates this is true is the streetsigns. To all appearances, this is a perfectly normal traditional street. Quaint, even, if it weren't so crowded.

"Ah, if I recall correctly that is the result of an agreement that was reached between the Tanzaku Gai Cultural Preservationist Society and leaders of the business community," Kabuto says. "The town council has ruled that all neon signs and other modern illuminations are prohibited on the streets until sunset, and must be constructed to attach or detach from a building's façade as events may require."

"The town council can do that?" Ami asks with a frown. "Do civilian villages not have someone like a Kage to make decisions?"

"Well, the council has a president," the grey-haired boy says, adjusting his glasses. "But his decisions have to be ratified by a civil majority in the case of purely local affairs, and two-thirds majority in the case of tourism-related endeavours."

Ami looks blank.

"He means they have to vote on what to do," you whisper.

"Oh. Wait, a vote?" she asks in disbelief. "They have to put everything to a vote? How do they get anything done?"

"Ah, by the standards of a Hidden Village, they... don't, in all honesty," Kabuto says, sounding almost embarrassed on the council's behalf.

"Well, it's nice that more than one person gets a say," you remark.

"But if more than one person gets a say how can you make sure people do their jobs?" Ami asks you, frowning.

You shrug. "They'll do them because they want to. Why else does anyone do anything? You aren't friends with me because I ordered you to be, right?"

Eventually, for whatever reason, Mom steers the conversation away from politics and onto dress shopping for tonight. Apparently the clothes you brought aren't good enough for a night at the theatre. When you ask why mom didn't just pack nicer dresses for both of you, then, she and Ami share a look of exhasperation.

You find yourself dragged into multiple stores and forced to go through the endless purgatory that is clothes-shopping. Easily the worst part of caring about your appearance. You like to look your best, sure, but why does that have to involve hours in dry, overly-warm stores with Mom asking to see every single thing you try on? Especially this formal stuff!

You quickly pick the first acceptable green dress that fits and doesn't itch (Mom doesn't like seeing you all in red, for some reason), and move on to a much more fun task; choosing Ami's attire.

Enlisting the ever-patient Kabuto as your beast of burden, you tear through the store, Ami in tow, grabbing dress after dress and throwing them over your shoulder at him. By the time you make it back to the dressing rooms, he's a pile of satin and taffeta with feet.

And thus begins the sorting game. You pull a dress off the pile, and hold it up for Mom. "Yes, no, or maybe so?" you ask.

"Ino, Ami is far too young to dress all in black," Mom replies reproachfully.

Sighing in disappointment, you remove about eight of the thirty dresses you chose and hang them on the discard rack.

In rapid succession a blue velvet dress joins them for being too warm for late September, two yellow dresses are rejected for being too flimsy for a formal event, and ten get veto'd on the grounds of being shoddily-made, though your Mom doesn't come right out and say so with the staff in earshot.

The remaining dresses come under scrutiny as well; you're dismayed to find Ami has no appreciation for halter-dresses or mock-turtlenecks, two of your personal favourite necklines.

You're not discouraged, though - you have a trump card.

[img width=431 height=600]http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m568/RegencyLady/Regency%20Gowns/1820-2320evening20dress20silk20satin2020bobbin20lace20VA_jpeg.jpg[/img]
(Found on photobucket.)

"Ja-jan~!" you sing-song, holding the dress aloft.

Ami appears to be thunderstruck. She reaches out a hand, but then draws back, as if afraid to touch it.

"C'mon!" You shove it at her. "Go try it on!"

When she re-emerges, your mother outright gasps. "Oh, Ami-chan," she says with feeling, "you'll shame the stars with your beauty."

You blink. Mom is... not far off.

You picked the dress mostly because you knew Ami would love it; she's got a frills-and-flowers mindset, despite what she usually wears. But seeing her in it, the way she walks in it, the way her shoulders sit... it's like she was made for evening gowns. She doesn't just love sage tales and romance manga; she breathes them.

"... exquisite," you say, hands clasped before you, eyes sparkling. "My only worry is we'll be kicked out of the theatre for outshining the actresses. Isn't that right, Kabuto-san?" you add, and smirk as he stops spacing out and realizes that yes, he's still trapped with three women on a dress-hunt.

"Mm!" he says with a smile (nice recovery, man, full points!). "A very well-suited choice, Ami-chan. You look lovely."

Ami's eyes widen, and the lightest of blushes rises in her cheeks. "... thank you, Kabuto-san."

... wow. Rejoice, Uchiha Sasuke. Despite all previous evidence to the contrary, Kuwabara Ami does not have single-target sexuality.
----------

What show did your mom buy tickets for?

[X] One that she says concerns the ancestor who founded the Akegami school of koto-playing; she's probably hoping it'll get you more interested in practising.

[X] An adaptation of a sage tale that Mom remembers loving as a child

[X] Washi the Listener

 

[X] A tale of vengeance

... Mom almost certainly didn't know how violent this show was going to be when she purchased these tickets. She hates seeing people use gore for entertainment, and by the intermission there's so much blood on the stage they already have a couple of guys with mops waiting in the wings. She tries to leave, but you and Ami plead with her to let you see how it ends; Ami because she thinks the fight scenes are awesome, you because you sympathize with the hero (even if he's more bloodthirsty than you'd like).

The play concerns the life of Shirasu Washi, the fictional son of a prominent merchant family of Hikari-kyo in the Warring Clan Era, whose father and brothers are framed for treason by a rival house and executed. But all is not as it seems; as Washi quickly discovers when he seeks refuge for himself and his mother and sister with his uncle, his father and elder brother were actually members of a long-standing alliance of shinobi sworn to stand against corruption. They were executed to better facilitate an assassination attempt on the consul of the city, a man who you know from history will later become the first daimyo of Fire Country.

Washi swears revenge against the forces that conspired to wipe out the Shirasu clan, and after undergoing a hilariously brief bit of training under his uncle sets about killing his way across the Elemental Countries.

Finally, after many adventures, he comes face to face with the first daimyo of Lightning, who in the world of the play is not only a ninja but the ultimate architect of all Washi's suffering since the story began, a cruel tyrant on a quest to become ruler of the world, who possesses two artefacts of the Time Before The Sage that could give him dominion over all human life.

... and Washi decides that now's the time to show mercy. When he's faced with the one guy who inarguably deserves to die.

-_- This better be a sequel hook.



One thing about the play catches your eye above all else.

[X] The spring-loaded wrist-mounted knife Washi wears. Unlike practically everything else he does, it's discreet and stylish as hell.

[X] So help you god, if it takes you the rest of your life, you will find a way to steal people's weapons from them while they're trying to use them on you.

[X] The set design! The costuming! Aw, that stylistic decision where all the bad guys are dressed in red or gold to represent what sensing is like for people who don't have it? Awesome!

[X] The special effects! Sure, there was a lot more ninjutsu and kenjutsu thrown around than you think was strictly necessary for a character who's supposed to be from an infiltration-focused clan, but who cares? It looked great!

You decide to

[X] Research this stuff when you get home

[X] Get backstage and talk to the craftsmen who worked on the play; surely they'll have some insight!

 

[X] Let's see what you can do. Take it away!

There is some token protest and questioning as to how you got backstage, but for the most part no one cares as long as you stay out of the way. The elderly stunt-master is just happy someone wants to talk to him instead of the actors for once. "Sure, kid, I'll show you a trick or two."

And does he. He throws around the burly rigger he ropes into helping like the guy's made of paper.

"You've gotta remember to watch the blade, not their hands - very important. The weapon can be in either hand. Once I met a fellow in the circus who could even hold knives between his toes, so watch out if your opponent is barefoot." He winks at you.

He shows you how to turn people's grips on kunai and swords against them, and even demonstrates a breakdown of how to break someone's arm or wrist to get them to let go. When he sets you loose on his 'lovely assistant Saburo', it's less than two minutes before he pronounces the lesson ended.

"Thanks for your time," you say, ducking your head. You're a little disappointed you couldn't learn anything more complicated, but hey, he's a busy guy and you have to get back to mom.

"Mm," he replies, looking at you for a moment, his expression unreadable. Finally nodding, as if coming to a decision, he hands you a business card. "If you ever find ninja-ing doesn't agree with you, that's my address in the capital. I run a self-defense school for noblewomen and courtesans and their fathers are always complaining about all my assistants being male."

"... I didn't say I was a shinobi," you say.

He just laughs.

But then, he didn't say he was, either.

You grin.

"Thanks for the invite, jii-san. Maybe I'll stop in for a visit sometime." You run for the door. "Abayo!"

"Who're you calling jii-san?! My mental age is young!"

As you emerge back in the lobby, scanning the crowd for mom, you're surprised to suddenly feel her hand in yours. You barely have a moment to look up at her in surprise before she's dragging you (and, with her other hand, Ami) out of the theatre.

You shoot Ami an inquiring look, but she shakes her head.

Mom vetos a late-night soak when you suggest it, and sends the two of you to bed immediately after you fold your dresses and pack them away.

"What the hell happened when I was 'in the bathroom'?" you whisper when you and Ami are finally alone.

Ami sighs. "That lady, Oshibe-san, your mom called her, showed up and had a conversation with your mom."

"Oshibe... that was the name of that woman she and Kurioka talked about this morning."

"She said something about how the next game had been scheduled, and asked if she'd be sending a substitute."

You frown. "A game?"

"Yeah." Ami rolls onto her side to face you in the dark. "Is your mom always... like that when she's mad?"

You shudder reflexively. "You mean the yuki-onna routine? Yeah. Dad's the same way."

"I can't believe the lady just laughed it off," Ami says, sounding a little creeped out. "I wasn't even on the receiving end and I was nervous; normal civilian women don't usually give off killing intent like that."

Now you're worried.

"What did this Oshibe look like?" Blah. Why can't everyone be a sensor? Normal people's senses are always so unclear on whether someone's dangerous or not.

Ami gets what you mean. "She didn't look like a kunoichi; not even a genjutsu specialist would have arms that soft."

Which means she's either a really fucking good genjutsu specialist, she was under a henge (Ami isn't great with details, she might have missed it), or she's some new, non-shinobi type of dangerous person.

"Wait," Ami says, remembering something. "Her eyes were like yours."

"What? She was a Yamanaka?" The pupil-less eye thing is particular to the main line of the family; that narrows down the list of who she could be quite a bit.

Ami frowns, thinking back. "I don't think so... I mean, she didn't look like your family otherwise. Her hair was black, not blonde or red. And she was wearing it loose; I've never seen any Yamanaka wear their hair down."

"Could she have been a Branch House Hyuuga?" Your mind is trending in a direction that you'd really wish it'd cut out until all hope is definitely lost.

She snorts. "I think I'd have remembered seeing a green-eyed Hyuuga around town."

Aaaand there goes your last hope; there're lots of normal dark-eyed people who seem not to have pupils, but aside from the Hyuuga, you and your dad, you've never met anyone with light-coloured pupil-less eyes.

Except for Mom.

"Did she say anything else?" you ask.

Ami makes noises to the effect that she did, but Ami doesn't remember the specifics. "They used a lot of metaphors and stuff," she says, embarrassed. "It was over my head a bit."

You sigh.

Well. You were the one who was so curious about why your mother was banished. Looks like the mystery's brought itself to you.

In the morning, you

[X] Go about the day as normal. It's really unlikely Mom's going to want to talk about this now and you'll just spoil the rest of your vacation. (Skip to next set of options)

[X] Talk to Mom before breakfast.

[X] Talk to Mom after dinner.

What's on tap for this fine Saturday?

[X] It's the peak day of the market! Let's go check it out!

[X] Der Kestle! Maybe there's a dungeon with traps you can test!

 

[X] One Jump Ahead

"AC-ME SUR-PLUS, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'LL FIND~!"

"THEY'RE FRESH, MY FISH, THEY'RE FRESH!"

"DON'T LISTEN TO THAT CROOK, I'VE GOT BOOMERANG FISH~! GUARANTEED FRESH! THROW THE FISH AWAY! AND IT COMES BACK TO ME!"

"WHO'D EAT THAT, YOU FRAUD?!"

"TWO-FOR-ONE T-SHIRTS, EVERY SIZE!"

"What the hell is that smell?!"

*strummastrummastrumma* "... and as the road comes up to meet my feet~ I think of you, again, my love..."

*twang-twang-twang* "... but the girls in the city they look so pretty..."

*noodling to stall for time and draw in more revenue* -_- "Why do you have to come here every day? This is supposed to be my corner!"

*twing-twitta-twang-twang-ting-tong-twang* "Is an uncle not allowed to look out for his nephew?" ^_^

*slightly more desperate noodling* "You're stealing my business!" >_<

*elegant flourishes* "Oh, I don't see how that could be; what kind of lady shopper would prefer a broken-down old man like me to a strapping lad like you?"

./////. "W-would you like some oolong, sensei? On the house."

^_^ "Why thank you, my dear; I was just considering taking a break." *takes the cup* "Please give your mother my warmest regards."

^///^ *runs back down the street, hugging her tray*

*watches all this go down* "... fuck my life." -_-

~doodly-doo-doodoo-doodoo-doodoo-doodoo-doo-doo-doo~ :3

;D ;D ;D "ICE CREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAM~!"

"EVERY LIQUOR YOUR TONGUE CRAVES, AND TODAY ONLY WE'RE HOSTING A FREE TASTING!"

"THE SICKEST LIGHTNING COUNTRY BEATS, THE SMOOTHEST WATER COUNTRY THRUMS, THE COOLEST ROLL WIND HAS TO OFFER! YOU JACKASS, YOU DUMBASS! THE AOI BROTHERS' NEW SINGLE DROPS TOMORROW ON CASSETTE AND 45, SO BE HERE OR BE SQUARE!"

"SAPPHIRE NECKLACES 100 RYO! YOU WON'T FIND A BETTER PRICE FOR GENUINE BEAR COUNTRY SAPPHIRES! TREAT THE WIFE, TREAT SOMEBODY ELSE'S WIFE..."

"HELP! HELP! SOMEONE STOLE MY WALLET!"

"WELL THEN YOU NEED A REPLACEMENT! I'VE GOT GENUINE RIVER COUNTRY LEATHER, FUNNY ANIMAL ONES FOR THE KIDS, AND ONES WITH SCENIC VIEWS OF TANZAKU GAI AND ALL THE LADIES OF THE TOKONATSU PALACE ON 'EM!"

"I never want to leave," you declare, arms and back loaded down with bags and parcels, stomach full with the snacks of three continents, and still staring hungrily at the stalls, hunting for your next bargain.

"We should have come here to get our dresses," Ami muses aloud as she pokes her head around a corner into the sea of silk that is Dyer's Alley.

"... perhaps we should sit down and rest for a moment?" Mom suggests weakly, fingers pressed against her temple.

The three of you find a cafe that isn't too crowded and head up to the rooftop patio to have a beverage and take a load off.

"We should head back to the hotel in another hour or so," Mom says, shading her eyes to examine the position of the sun. "The parade will come through once it gets dark and the streets will be impassable."

"We can't stay to watch?" Ami asks, disappointed.

"It says in the guidebook the parade's the official kick-off of the traditional Iron Stomach competition," you point out. "So yeah, we can stay, if you wanna see a bunch of old guys throwing up and a bunch of young guys drunk out of their heads."

"Ugh," Ami says. "Never mind, I could watch that at home."

=

You're finishing up your sweep of the antique shops on the far side of the market when something catches your eye.

[X] A sealed scroll.

[X] A ring.

[X] A brooch.

 

[X] Nostalgia: it ain't what it used to be

It's strange. Usually you won't give costume jewellery a second glance - especially not painted costume jewellery. You're not four. But there's something about this brooch that makes you... well, excited.

Depicted on it is a circular map of some kind, with a sword hanging point-down behind it and a wreath embracing its bottom half. You don't know what those basket-looking things on either side at the bottom are about, but all in all it's a pretty neat-looking image. At least at your house it'll get some love instead of being stuffed half-heartedly into a bookcase. You slip it into your sleeve and regroup with Mom, wondering if perhaps your Annotated World Atlas of Art History has anything in it about foreign alphabets.



=

Supper is delicious, if slightly more mundane than the various rare treats you were able to taste this afternoon. The three of you retire to your rooms to decompress from the long day.

That is, Ami wants to decompress in your room; Mom is heading for the hot springs and you intend to corner her and have a nice chat about this Oshibe, whoever she may be.

"You sure you don't want backup?" Ami asks, fanning herself with her new custom uchiwa (decorated, of course, with a scene from the Great Uchiha Fire of Rakka 34 on one side and the kanji for mulberry on the other).

"The offer is appreciated, but unnecessary," you say, ear pressed against your door, waiting for Mom to head out. "Thanks, though. I'll take you up on it when the interrogation target isn't my Mom."

It's then that you hear your mother's door open and shut. You wait a full five minutes, and then saunter out into the hall with your yukata tucked under your arm.

You quickly get done washing and wrap a huge towel around yourself (you're so short it comes down almost to your ankles), and you're about to step out into the open onsen area whenWHOAYOUCANFEELAJOUNINPOSSIBLYAKAGEWHATTHEFUCK.

Through a small rip in the shoji, you take a quick peek in the direction of the signature, and quickly conclude that unless Tsunade-hime of the Sannin has had a bust reduction since her photo in the history textbook was taken, neither of those two twentysomethings are likely to be her.

That just leaves the male side.

[X] What do?