Cosmos Quest (Naruto/Lupin III)

[X] Not remotely appropriate, but very festive

"Lee's not hurt," you say. "He seems to be in good spirits, actually; Haku must be fast enough to be fun."

Temari blinks. "You can sense his emotional state?"

You wink. "I'm a Yamanaka; it's what we do. 'Positive love' is our motto."

"'Groovy'," murmurs Kankuro. "What about the Mist guy?"

"He's in stalling-mode. Has been since the fight started. It's hard to get a lock on him physically, but all things considered, I think he might have a broken rib or something. It isn't slowing him down, whatever it is - after all, the fog's still hanging around."

"What're they holding back for?" Temari says with a roll of her eyes. "I get that if that's Zabuza over there, his students probably know something about Silent Killing, so we wouldn't hear what he's doing, but you'd think we'd have heard at least one jutsu from bowlcut there."

"Nori-sempai doesn't need jutsu," Ami declares with a snort, and everyone turns to look at her. "That guy's terrifying enough without them."

=

"Ah, you are my adorable student's kouhai Ino-chan, are you not?"

Maito "Fuckin' Sunset, Seriously, What The Shit Is That?" Gai has a reputation, even among jounin, for outbursts of craziness. Given your own rep, you thought that would mean the two of you would get on like a house on fire.

It's a little different when you see him in person.

"Y-yes," you say, leaning away from him slightly. The pressure from the man's sheer presence is overwhelming; you wouldn't usually notice someone's Yang chakra as distinct from their Yin, but Gai's is in fucking Dolby. It's like an enormous shaggy dog that's just so gosh-darned happy to see you and wants to give you all kinds of kisses, nevermind that you just saw it cleaning its balls a minute ago. "You must be his jounin-sensei. How do you do?"

"Ino-chan," Gai says, in a slightly quieter tone of voice that you would in no way term a whisper, "I have an urgent matter I would discuss with you! Lee, may I speak with your dear underclassman?"

Lee fires off a salute. "Of course, sensei! I shall proceed with my training alone. Ino-chan, when you catch up with me we'll move on to aerial redirection!"

"See ya then, sempai."

After Lee takes off, Gai says in an actual whisper, "Lee tells me it was you who taught him elemental meditation."

"He remembers that?" you ask, blinking. "Man, that was ages ago. He said he was going to practise, but I never saw him make any big gains in ninjutsu or genjutsu, so I thought..."

"It's true," Gai says stoutly, "Lee has absolutely no talent for genjutsu or ninjutsu whatsoever. However!" He points a finger in your face, making you flinch. "Though you may doubt it, he has practised diligently for many years, and can now achieve a connection to any of the elements with just ninety seconds of meditation!"

"Ninety seconds?!"

"Of course!" Gai lets out a hearty laugh, and slaps you on the back so hard you almost tip right over. "You should be proud of our mutual student, Ino-sensei! He has gloriously persevered and made wonderful progress!"

"Well, yeah, I should say so!" Son of a bitch, it still takes you like an hour every time - not that you do it all that often. Which leads you to your next question: "But usually people stop practising the meditation once they make the first connection. Why has he kept it up so long?"

"That is what I wished to discuss with you." And suddenly, Gai's all business.

=

"Behind you!" Hinata blurts out.

"Rikugame-ryu: Caressing Claw!"

With a cry and the speed of a rocket, Haku is thrown up and backward out of the cloud, coming to a stop seemingly in mid-air, spread-eagled.

The mist clears.

Haku struggles, caught high in the web of sticky-wire left behind from your match with Tenten. His clothes are torn in several places in a manner that would strike you as rather appealing under different circumstances.

Lee stands below, arms crossed, brown splotches on his face and neck, green and yellow lines around his eyes, his slight overbite much more pronounced than normal, almost resembling a beak.

Hundreds of senbon lie scattered across the floor.

Two stick out of the armour above his kidneys.

Gaara whistles. "Hero in a halfshell, huh?"

"Do you yield, Haku-san?" he calls.

Haku hangs his head, and falls still. "... I yield."

"Winner, Rock Lee."

As the ecstatic smile rushes up from Lee's chakra and across his face, the lines and splotches retreat, and he falls to the ground.

"Medic," the proctor calls, "we need two stretchers!"

"Congratulations, Gai-sensei," you call, wiping away a fake tear. "Our little Lee is all grown up."

Whoa. If chakra music could kill, Haku would already be digging your grave. And yet his face remains as blank as a doll's. Supercreepy.

"... indeed, this is so."

Your attention turns back to Gai, and you see his fingers gripping the railing tightly. To your slight embarrassment on his behalf, entirely genuine rivers of tears are flowing down his face.

"But even still..." he says, "... discipline must be observed."

... uh oh.

"Leeeeee!" Gai hollers, leaping into a flying kick. "Did I not specifically order you not to make use of senjutsu in this stage?!"

"His punishment will have to wait," the chief medic nin says, not even looking up from his examination, "you can kick him in the face in a week."

Gai's body swings around and he lands casually next to the medical team like nothing happened. "Very well! Lee, when you have recovered, you will drag yourself across the diameter of Konoha using only your fingertips."

"He can't hear you, Gai-sensei, he's unconscious. Stop yelling at my patient."

"Of course, medic-san!"

-_- "Now stop yelling at me, please."

"Well," Kankuro says, voice calm, chakra anxiously jangling. "You've certainly got some interesting guys here in Konoha."

"Shit, can I defect?"

"Do you have to say that everywhere nice we visit?!"

You call down to the floor, "Hey, medic-san! How's Kiba?"

The chief medic ignores you, but one of the underlings says, "The Inuzuka boy? He'll be fine."

You pout. 'Fine' is a lot vaguer than you wanted to hear, but you suppose they didn't want to be more specific in the hearing of foreign villages. Can't blame them; bullet wounds aren't something you necessarily want your enemies getting tips on, either.

"So who're you hoping to fight first in the finals?" Temari asks you.

A standard kunoichi icebreaker if ever there was one. This could be a good sign.

[X] "Anyone who isn't your little brother, more or less. No offence, Gaara, but you're a scary bastard."

[X] "Hm. Not sure yet. I'd have to see everyone in action before I decide."

[X] Lee (Why?)

[X] Hyuuga Neji (Why?)

[X] Hyuuga Hinata (Why?)

[X] Nara Shikamaru (Why?)

[X] Akimichi Chouji (Why?)

[X] Haruno Sakura (Why?)

[X] Sayuri (Why?)

[X] Kuwabara Ami (Why?)

[X] Houzuki Suigetsu (Why?)

[X] Kuyo (Why?)

[X] Ira (Why?)

[X] Kibi (Why?)

[X] Kankuro (Why?)

[X] Gaara (For the love of god, why?)

[X] "You, of course." (Why?)

[X] "Honestly? No one." (Why?)

 

[X] Help me, information, get me Memphis, Tennessee...

"Kibi!" you declare, pointing her out.

"... what, the guy behind the little girl?" Kankuro asks.

You frown. "No, the little girl! Word around the campfire is she's a genjutsu specialist. And since I'm the only other genjutsu specialist here, as far as I know, I wanna get a firsthand look at the competition."

"... well, the competition is currently picking her nose," Kankuro replies, "so if I were you I'd wait a sec to take that look."

"Cute." You roll your eyes. "Look, genjutsu takes cunning, refined chakra control, attention to detail, keenly honed senses, an instinct for psychology, and a perfectionist streak a mile wide - most people who are good enough at it to be known as genjutsu specialists are adults. I'm a freak of nature to be as good at it as I am at this age." Your eyes flick over to the oblivious Kibi, who's sitting on the railing and innocently kicking her shoe off her foot and catching it with her toes, over and over again. "So what does that make her?"

"Hm. I guess you've got a point," Temari says with a frown. "Genjutsu isn't like taijutsu; you can't just look at someone and tell how good they'd be."

"Well, that Lee kid looks like a lot of fun," Gaara says, "if he can keep up that turtle-mode longer than he did here. It's been too long since I got some actual exercise." He grins at you fiercely. "Wouldn't mind taking you out dancing, though."

"Hey, I never say no to a free meal."

Ahahahahaha oh god I'm dead.

What's up?

Gaara wants to fight me.

Oh, don't worry about it. There's a note of distaste in Lupin's voice, but he doesn't sound disapproving, exactly. He's just the type of jerk that likes to flirt violently. He won't actually hurt you if you don't hurt him first; he'll just scare you half to death to impress you.

Oh, so he's like you?

What? No!

"What about you?" you ask Temari, ignoring your other-self's indignant defensiveness for the moment.

"The auntie over there," she replies, nodding at Sayuri. "A quick win to take me into training for the finals with no injuries. After that, who knows?"

Wow. Harsh.

Gaara gestures expansively. "Ah, poor Temari; you've got no appreciation for-"

"No. I don't," Temari cuts him off. "I didn't come here to play around, I came here to get promoted."

"Temari vs Ira!"

"I withdraw," the Sound boy says in a clear but quiet voice.

Temari frowns. "... that doesn't mean I didn't come here to fight," she says peevishly to the air.

And my suspicions of him already being a chuunin are almost completely confirmed. Why else would he travel all this way just to resign? We must be hammering out some kind of alliance with Oto.

Iwa's gonna be pissed.

"Next match," the proctor says, barely missing a beat, "Hyuuga Neji vs Kibi."

Kibi beams, and turns around to hop off the railing and hug first Ira and then her sensei.

Neji casts a brief glance in a worried-looking Hinata's direction, and shunshins to the lower floor.

"Aw, man!" you whine. "There go my chances of facing her. Stupid magic eyes."

"I have something to say before we begin," Kibi calls, bouncing down the stairs. Hopping the last three steps, she smooths out her skirt and strolls casually over to face Neji.

"I came to Konoha for these exams because my mother said this town was full of strong and kind-hearted people," she says, smiling up at the dark-haired boy, who waits, listening with a politely neutral expression. "And she was right! Everyone from Konoha who's fought today has been really strong and really nice. That pretty nee-chan with the exploding seals could have made them lethal, but instead she just played happily with her friend. That boy in the funny jumpsuit let the pretty Mist boy have a chance to give up. Even the doggie nii-chan helped his friends out by trying to fight the mean demonboy for them!" She clenches her hands in two excited fists and bobs up and down in excitement. "That's why no matter what happens in our fight, or who wins, I wanted to say thank you for facing me, and I hope we can be friends afterward."

Well, now we know why they're called Sound. All in all, you're impressed; this is a pretty intricate aural genjutsu she's weaving, here.

"Kai," you whisper, and the reality is laid clear before you. She's hypnotizing Neji to respond to certain keywords or actions on her part with hesitation or even outright fear, and he isn't even noticing.

That idiot. After all his talk about not overestimating yourself...

"I will take your request under advisement," Neji says stoically.

"Begin!"

[X] Cheer Kibi on. Genjutsu that can fool a Byakugan is always impressive to see in action.

[X] Cheer Neji on in such a way that you make him snap out of it.

 

[X] K-I-B-I, you ain't got no alibi

"Good luck, Kibi-chan! Do your best!"

"I always do!" the little girl calls back, waving, and ducks into a leg-sweep as Neji's jyuuken assault begins.

The sweep doesn't look very strong, but then you see she wasn't trying for that at all; she was just hooking his ankle to swing around behind him and build momentum for a punch to the back of his knee.

He catches her tiny fist with an almost ladylike lift of his leg and dips backward, pushing Kibi to the floor and clearly intending to flip over and up onto his feet, but Kibi proves too quick and manages to wrap her skinny legs around his neck and begin squeezing.

Not that it does her much good. Neji flips and stands regardless, and pokes at a point on Kibi's right leg that makes her disengage and hop back on first her hands and then her left foot, wincing.

"You're really fast!" she says, but has no time to say anything more as Neji begins his assault anew, targeting specifically the shoulders and arms.

And even more specifically...

Your eyes widen.

Temari frowns. "Wait... Hyuuga go for the organs normally, don't they?"

Kibi puts up an admirable defence, even with her limp and the fresh bruises welling up on her arms; whatever suggestions she has Neji operating under, he's playing right into her blocks and missing his targets entirely on the rare occasions his strikes connect.

But the fact that he's going after them at all means...

The Eye of Insight, eh? Well, now I know who I wanna fight. Let's see which of us gets our wish.

At the moment, it looks like it'll be you. Neji's getting tired, his moves more sluggish; in this state he reminds you of the way he was when you were children, when his jyuuken was coarser and anger ruled his fights.

There must be a soporific effect to the illusion.

"Now you've got 'im!" you call.

... wait, what the hell was that?

It showed up for a second, like a false note, before his chakra righted itself again.

Did Kibi tie certain responses to audience commentary, or did you just hurt Neji's feelings?

Ho~? What a cold heart you have to go with those icy good looks. Suits ya. :3

What?!

C'mon, how did you not notice?

He's a teenage boy! They'll go for anyone who isn't covered in lesions and boils, it doesn't prove anything!

Tut tut tut! That settles it, we're making a Fujiko construct next. You can't be wandering around this pretty and this naive at the same time, it's not safe.

"Are you okay, Hyuuga-nii-chan?" Kibi asks.

"Cease your idle chatter," he says darkly.

And the chorus swells to a crescendo.

-Jyuukenpo: Ichigekishin - Gentle Fist Art: One Blow Body-

Kibi stumbles backward. "W-what?"

"Perhaps it was a mistake to show restraint because of your age," Neji says. "But I've seen through your tricks now. You won't ensnare me a second time." And he dives in for the next attack.

"I most certainly will!" Kibi declares, ducking and dodging and landing a few good hits of her own. You can hear her excitement and anticipation building - so seeing through the genjutsu is part of her plan too, somehow.

"There's nothing even your eyes can do," she goes on, hammering at his abdomen with her little fists whenever she gets a chance before dancing out of reach again. "This is my art - the art of a single encounter. That's because-"

-Rolling Thunder!-

A handstand-supported double scissorkick knocks Neji backward, though he regains his footing almost instantly.

"-I never cast the same genjutsu on a person twice!"

Neji goes still, and waits.

You lean over the railing almost involuntarily, transfixed, waiting for what's next.

"I don't use normal handseals or normal jutsu! All I need is my voice and line-of-sight, and I can make anything I want."

You kai automatically.

"I understand," Neji says, one side of his mouth turning up in amusement. "So then, even while you've been bragging... you've been putting me back under."

Kibi grins. "Try your Jyuuken and see!'

The moment he snaps into a stance, his eyes go wide. His legs begin to shake, and he sways from side-to-side on them, stepping this way and that, as if seeking traction. He falls to his knees at last, staring at his hands. "What?"

Kibi lets out an unselfconsciously malicious giggle; a sound only a truly innocent little brat can make. "Can you see? I've won! A person can't force their body to ignore the training they've put it through for thousands of hours, and now every time you do what you, as a Hyuuga, have always trained to do, gravity will betray you, just like that!"

Your mouth drops open. Not just genjutsu then... gentaijutsu?

Of the three main shinobi disciplines, ninjutsu and taijutsu are combined most often. Ningenjutsu is the rarest combination, being confined to use by masters of particular bloodlines, but gentaijutsu is a very close second because of the wide array of skills someone seeking to study it must master. A gentaijutsu specialist must be a flexible and peerless athlete, a scholar well-versed in hundreds of fighting styles, and a genjutsu master on top of everything else.

And none of the very few you can name off the top of your head have done what this girl has done. To have managed this much she must have spent months if not years learning the theory of Gentle Fist, running through the few common elements known to those outside Konoha, all in order to internalize the style and turn it back on itself.

All for a match she could have ended up with.

I think I might hate this girl's parents.

I think you might be right to.

"Don't worry," Kibi says, "I won't hurt you. I just need to win the match, so I'll go for a harmless KO."

She rushes at him, fist raised.

"Say goodnight, nii-chan!"

-Shoryuken!-

Kibi's body makes a small arc, and lands with an 'oof'. You wince, knowing the wind has been completely knocked out of her.

"Goodnight, nii-chan," Neji says dryly. He wipes the blood from his chin and gets to his feet. "Hyuuga though I may be, do not forget that my sensei is the Green Beast of Konoha."

"NEJI~!"

"Yes, Gai-sensei, that is my name."

"Winner, Hyuuga Neji."

Ira and Deidara have shunshin'd down before the words are even out of the proctor's mouth. Ira has a hand on Deidara's arm, but gets shrugged off immediately as they arrive.

"How'd ya like to try eating your victory dinner with no teeth, mn?" the blond snarls at Neji.

"Do not attempt to paint your own shortcomings as a teacher as my fault," Neji says sternly. "You let a child gentaijutsu specialist go into battle against a vastly more experienced Hyuuga opponent. What outcome did you expect?"

"... are you lecturing me, you little bastard?!"

"Deidara," Ira says warningly.

"I lost, didn't I?"

Deidara whirls around to see a very disappointed and shame-filled Kibi propping herself up on one elbow.

"No!" he says placatingly, going over to stoop next to her as she begins to cough up a storm. "No, Kibi-chan, you didn't lose, you just... encountered a philistine, that's all." He glares at Neji, and straightens out her fight-mussed hair.

"So I did lose," she says. She pats Deidara's hand, and looks back at Neji. Pulling herself into a sitting position with her legs tucked under her, she bows.

"Thank you for reminding me that intel is not the whole story, that I'm not as fast as I think I am, and that if I don't clench my jaw in time I can end up biting my tongue," she says, lower lip trembling.

... wow. Now I think Neji hates her parents, too.

And you thought you had nothing in common.

"Your skills are superb," Neji says finally. "If in future you remember not to underestimate your opponent, you will one day make a truly fearsome adversary."

"Mou!" Kibi pouts. "I don't want to be your adversary, I want to be your friend."

That gets an actual smile out of him, though just a small one. "Perhaps one day you will be."

Kibi smiles back.

"Hey, do you have a girlfriend?" she asks. "Karin-nee needs a cool boyfriend and I promised her I'd bring her home some handsome guys' addresses."

The resulting pandemonium (Gai wailing and carrying on, medic-nin trying to herd the teachers out of their way without actually touching the scary A-rank ninja, Ira scolding Kibi for trying to strangle people with the red string, Deidara declaring that it's bad enough Karin's stuck dealing with the creeps back home without Kibi trying to import perverts, Kibi insisting that Karin asked her to be on the lookout for cute and strong boys, Hinata and Ami gossiping excitedly, Chouji edging away from them slowly, Neji getting progressively pinker and and fidgety-er, Gaara laughing his ass off) takes a full seven minutes to settle down completely.

"Thanks for cheering for me, Konoha-nee-chan," Kibi says, coming back up the stairs even as the adults continue to flail.

"Hey, no problem. I'm just sorry we won't get to have a totally awesome genjutsu duel in the finals."

"Don't worry! If Kuyo wins her fight, we'll have a whole month to pl- hang out together before I have to go home."

You whistle. "Is it scary, bein' away from home so long? I can't imagine being a genin already at eight."

She shakes her head. "Not really. I think it's exciting - I've heard a lot about this place. It's neat to have finally seen it."

"Houzuki Suigetsu vs Kuwabara Ami!"

[X] Be Ino

[X] Be Ami

 

[X] But don't play with me, 'cause you're playin' with fire...

You are Kuwabara Ami, and being underestimated is seriously starting to piss you off.

Oh, sure, call it hypocritical after the way you reacted to Kiba, but Kiba isn't you and Suigetsu isn't Gaara. There was absolutely no call for Hyuuga Neji to shout for you to 'wait', and as for Ino calling your name like you'd just thrown yourself off a cliff...

I'm not the one encouraging a sleazy lounge lizard even after what happened with the last one!

Anyway, there's no way this is suicide. For one thing, that's an ordinary sword; you'd have given in immediately if Zabuza had let him use the Kubikiribocho, but without it the odds open up a bit.

For another, you have a cunning plan.

"Awesome!" Suigetsu says, grinning with filed teeth. "Now I can finally take this stupid thing off!" And he throws aside his wig and clothes.

"... that was your disguise?" you ask, nonplussed. "What did you need the wig for? Your hair looks like you take better care of it than I do mine."

"Hey, shut up!" He shakes a fist at you in a manner that coming from someone less obviously skilled would probably be funny. "I'm not some primpin' weekend ninja like you Konoha brats! The Houzuki all have naturally silky-smooth hair!"

"Because that's more manly, apparently," you hear the puppet-user mutter.

"Damn, I want that kekkei genkai," Ino replies, sounding impressed.

"Sorry," you say. "I just wanted to tell you it's pretty."

"Oh, you are so dead!"

Again, almost a brotherly air. It'd set you at ease, if he weren't a fucking apprentice swordsman permitted to wear the signature filed teeth of a successor.

"Begin!"

Just like you expected, he leads off with

-Kirigakure no Jutsu - Hiding In Mist Technique!-

[X] Goryuuka no Jutsu! Set the fucking ceiling on fire and let evaporation solve this little problem for you.

[X] Throw a couple of exploding tags at the windows above the statue to shatter them, hop up to sit on the windowsill and breathe fresh air so you don't pass out, pour a couple of bottles of hairspray you brought down from your room for this occasion into the fog, and Goukakyuu the floor.

[X] Write in?

-----

Kuwabara Ami

Inventory:

Your sword, which you've resisted giving a name because you're an adult now, damn it.

Ten generic exploding tags.

Five yards of ninja wire

Two dozen shuriken

Twenty kunai

Three senbon tucked into your hair in case you have to go for an in-close finisher

Two bottles of hairspray. Reasonably flammable, stored in aerosol cans meaning they can be converted into bombs if necessary.

A spraybottle of your lemon-lime eau de toilette. Good for setting up traps in the fog.

Perks and Traits:

Wrong Genre Savvy - in the midst of a seinen retread of a shounen battle series, you are convinced that you live in a romance novel. You're the heroine, Ino is the Good Bad Girl best friend, Kiba is the loyal but hapless brother figure, Jiraiya-sama is the wise old master/magical friend who helps out the heroine, and Sasuke is the tragic prince. Through trials unnumbered, you will forever seek a happy ending.

Chakra Reinforcement - This is the first ninja skill you learned and the one you excel at the most. You're so good at it, in fact, that it got you a spot on the genin team of a jounin who perfected the ability to the point of making a proper technique out of it - a technique which you can now replicate with your own elemental affinity.

Jutsu:

The Academy Three
Shunshin no Jutsu
Goukakyuu/Great Fireball - C
Ryuka/Dragonfire - C
Hien/Flying Swallow - B
Gouryuka no Jutsu/Great Dragonfire - B

 

[X] If I say that I quitcha, you can call me a liar

Outgetoutgetoutoutout!

You fling the exploding tags, leap, and pray.

The glass shatters outward, leaving you a nice smooth ledge on which to gain a foothold. Turning, you throw the hairspray cans and two kunai; the knives slice the aluminum, the propellant is released into the fog, and now it's time to light it up.

-Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu/Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique!-

Suigetsu jumps out of the mist and up onto the catwalk's railing with a grumbled curse. "Chemical warfare? That's a little hardcore for a chuunin exam, don't you think?"

And Silent Killing is a damn boyish prank?!

The fog is almost completely gone. The fire is dying down as the fuel runs out, but you've stripped what little glaze there was off the already banged-up tiles with your flames.

Suigetsu is currently fifteen feet from you and perspiring badly for someone who isn't at all winded. He has yet to draw his sword.

[X] Goukakyuu the ceiling to match the floor and hop back down to the arena level. If he doesn't like fire, you can work with that.

[X] Make yourself a makeshift ninja wire tightrope strung lengthwise across the room, hop down onto it, run your chakra through it, and invite your opponent over for a good old fashioned duel.

[X] Hop down onto the railing with him for a duel.

[X] Toss an exploding tag at the railing and blow it up, sending him careening back to ground level. If he hops over to the other railing, blow that one up too.

[X] Write in?

 

[X] Now and then I must aspire to go out of the ordinary

-Goukakyuu no-

"Oh, no you don't!"

The blade comes within a hair's breadth of your stomach, but you manage to get back down to the floor at least. Suigetsu doesn't look too happy about having to follow you, but he's doing it regardless.

-Hien!-

His sword is long and wide, and though it's neither as well-made nor as fast as the Kubikiribocho would be, it's still a better blade than you'd be able to afford if you saved for two years. The boy's suddenly freakish arm swings it with a ferocity that makes you gasp even as you block it; if you had ignited your blade even a second later you'd be dead.

The two of you stare at one another, eye to eye. You're the same height, more or less, so it's probably very dramatic to the people watching from above.

"Oh~?" he says across the blade-lock. "Don't tell me you actually know how to use that thing?"

You try to breathe through your mouth exclusively, ignoring the stench of burnt hairspray and melting rubber.

... wait.

If you're lucky, very lucky, it's the soles of his sandals that have melted and stuck to the floor; your soles are firesafe by necessity, but not every ninja bothers. Especially not ones with a Suiton affinity.

Of course, there's still the matter of the bladelock to consider. His sword and muscles can keep this up all day, but even with Hien in effect, you can only do so much for so long.

Besides, just because he can keep it up all day, that doesn't mean he wants to. Real swordsmen hate bladelocks; they can do costly damage to even the best swords and they reduce the fine art of kenjutsu to an arm-wrestling contest minus the arms.

[X] Disengage by pouring even more energy into the Hien and trying to knock him backward; you're tall enough and strong enough in ninjutsu if not in physicality that you might be able to manage it.

[X] Try to kick him in the face. Even if he catches your foot, that's a hand he now doesn't have on the sword. If he is stuck to the floor, it won't take much to knock him on his ass under those conditions.

[X] Write-in.

 

[X] So small in times such as these

You turn, letting him slide past you, and are disappointed to see him adjust his footing with little trouble. Oh, hell, you can see it now; it wasn't the soles of his shoes, it was those false breasts he threw aside with the rest of his disguise - they're what's melting.

Undaunted, you hurl the tiny glass bottle at him, and it shatters on the flat of his sword near the hilt.

"Sheesh, what's next?" he asks, closing the gap to take another swing at you. "You gonna hit me with a sh-?"

Your swords collide, and you flare your Hien.

-WHOOSH-

"Holy-!"

His arm melts into blue; his grip on the sword goes loose as his hands turn into water, and in that moment you make the decision to

[X] take the sword away; you can't wield it and your own at the same time, but you can carry both at least. If you hop back afterward, you might be able to sheathe your sword before getting a better grip on his.

[X] hammer at the foible of the blade with all your might and snap it.

[X] slap an exploding tag on the part of the blade not currently on fire and get clear before it blows.

[X] get clear and finally set the damn ceiling on fire like you've wanted to this whole time.

[X] Write-in.

 

[X] And as it fell, you rose to claim it

With a cry, you heave sideways at the sword's hilt with the back of your blade, driving it out of reach and embedding the very tip in the wall. Cursing, Suigetsu kicks you hard in the ribs, leaving you winded for a moment as he dives to pull his sword out of the wall before you can retaliate.

[X] Intercept him!

[X] Throw wire around the sword and Hien it by extension.

[X] Why are we even discussing this?! Ceiling! On fire! Now!

[X] Write in?

 

[X] When Brian Boitano was in the Alps, fighting grizzly bears

-Gouryuuka no Jutsu!/Great Dragonfire Technique!-

Hinata actually screams.

The heat and pressure are unlike anything you've ever felt before; you wobble slightly, but you manage to keep your footing. Suigetsu, meanwhile, drops to his knees in a way that makes it very clear that wasn't his idea.

"What the hell have you been teaching these children?!" you hear Kurenai-san scream at Asuma-sensei.

"Science...?" he offers weakly.

"I hate science," Suigetsu groans, getting to his feet.

[X] Make him hate it more. Great Fireball, right in the chest. The Gouryuuka took a lot out of you, but you have to keep him away from that sword.

[X] Now wire up the sword and Hien it.

[X] Write in

 

[X] Satisfaction came in a chain reaction

You have him now!

Rushing him, sword raised, you

-Drowning Water Blob Technique!-

drop to your knees beside him.

can'tbreathecan'tbreathecan'tcan'tcan't...

Suigetsu is saying something, but you can't quite make out what it is over the pounding of blood in your ears and the rushing of the water that used to be his left arm swirling around your head. Oh, god, it's boiling! You feel like your eyes are going to burst. You shut them tightly, and grit your teeth to force yourself not to scream and waste more air.

"... you what, if you tap your hand on the ground three times to signal you give up, I'll let you go before you drown. Deal?"

... give up...

[X] Do what he says, make this end...

[X] Rragh! This just means he's desperate! At least don't let him go on to the finals! Reach up and chop his extended left arm off. If you do it quickly, you might be able to get free of the blinding agony that surrounds your head when he hydrafies the rest of himself to avoid the blow.

[X] Write-in?

 

[X] Little mama game is about to change

Fuck him and the fake tits he rode in on.

-SCHWING!-

Your head is immediately free, and you duck to gasp for air low on the ground even as Suigetsu swears and stares at his arm. He saved it, but he couldn't do that and keep you under at the same time. And now it looks like you were right; that was his last chance. His fingers flicker into vapour once, twice, and then he's left gesticulating with no effect, like a jackass. His lower lip has a thin split down the middle, and the whites of his eyes have gone pink.

[X] Right, where were we? Oh yeah, pin him to the fucking wall and don't let him up until he either concedes or the ref calls it.

[X] No more mêlée; this guy just boiled your damn face off, it feels like. Set his feet on fire and watch him dance.

[X] Write-in?

 

Furiko's Omake Theatre~!​

[X] No we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it

Enough! No matter how much pain your pride is in, your life has to come first.

Your left hand, still holding your sword, slams down wildly once-

-crack!-

"AUGH!"

- twice, ohthankallthegodsyoucanbreathe -

-whumpcrackboingvlipvlip!-

- three ti- wait, did you hit his foot the first time?

You look up.

Suigetsu is rolling on the floor, cursing fluently, a frankly vomitous bruise rising on one of his feet near the ankle, his arms and body bound up in some kind of white cloth wrap that tightens every time he moves. An empty spring-loaded launcher of some kind bobs behind him.

[img width=600 height=447]http://www.anime-gift.com/gallery/media/naruto/yamanaka-ino/48c38abc-d81e-11df-8228-a8bfc396a36f.jpg[/img]
"... how many traps did she set up?!" you hear Ino ask.

"Five," Hyuuga Neji replies. "You didn't give her enough time to get the walls of spikes set up, thank god."

... I won?

For the first time, victory tastes bitter in your mouth.

No thanks to me.

"Winner-Kuwabara-Ami-someone-put-the-fucking-fires-out!"

"Suidan no Jutsu," Zabuza says, as though almost bored, and the bonfire on the ceiling you were so proud of is snuffed out like a candle.

"Hey, girl," he calls down to you. "If you can pull that sword out of the wall it's yours."

"What?!" Suigetsu rasps. "But, Zabuza-sempai-!"

Immediately, you plant a foot on the wall and pull on the hilt of Suigetsu's sword with all your might.

"We had a deal, brat. The hamster is officially dead, you're busted back down to goldfish as of this moment. Haku, cut him loose."

An array of senbon slice the bindings off your erstwhile opponent just as you manage to wrench the blade out of the wall.

MOEYOMIZU GET

"This isn't over!" Suigetsu tells you with a jabbing finger.

You think of what would have happened if you'd dropped your sword when the water hit you, or if you'd struck the floor instead of Suigetsu's foot, or if it had been you next to the trap Tenten set.

"You're right," you say, looking him dead in the eye as you swing your new sword over your shoulder (motherfucker this thing weighs a ton!). "It isn't."

"One day, I'll be back to cut that fire right out of your hands," he says with a determined smirk.

"And one day, I'm going to leave a scar on that watery body of yours." You set your jaw. "Remember it."

~owari~

 

[X] Makka-na, bara nya, toge ga aru... sashitaka-naiga sasazu'nya-okanu...

You lunge, you slam, you hold your sword to his neck, and you're just about to demand his surrender when the referee calls "Winner, Kuwabara Ami. Now someone put out the damn ceiling!"

"Thought you'd never ask," Gaara says, and for a moment the lights are gone, snuffed by the canopy of sand as surely as the flames are.

In that moment, in the dark, you suddenly become very aware of the fact that your arm is pressed against the chest of a heavily-panting boy.

When the lights come back, you release your hold immediately and sheathe your sword. Suigetsu slides down the wall and lets out a long sigh. You notice that one of his filed teeth is slightly crooked, poking out of his mouth like a tiny fang.

Focus, woman, focus!

"Seriously, do we need like an embassy or something in Konoha...?"

"Gaara, for the last time, you are not moving here."

A bottle of water is thrown over from the balcony. Suigetsu catches it, desperately unscrews the lid and chugs the contents, throwing back his head. His eyes close and his brow unfurrows in relief.

When the bottle is empty, he lowers it, wipes his mouth with his wrist and says, "You're a complete lunatic, you know that?"

"There's no point in fighting if you aren't fighting to win," you answer bluntly.

He can say anything he wants to you, you've heard it all before; 'bully', 'gorilla girl', 'cruel enslaver of our Sasuke-kun', 'uncute', 'crazy bitch', 'wannabe-homemaker from hell', 'who does she think she's wearing makeup for?' - and that's just your classmates.

Suigetsu just laughs, and coughs. He closes his eyes and lets his head hang. "Can't argue with that."

The lucky son of a bitch gets to wave off the medics with some line about village secrets while they're still shining bright lights in your eyes and asking you to list the Hokage in backwards chronological order and telling the one newbie who keeps demanding to know how you're still alive to shut up.

Pulling the Kubik-isn't-bocho out of the wall with a mighty heave, the Kiri-nin stumbles off to the stairs.

"Thanks for the fight, Ami," he says over his shoulder with a toothy grin. "I look forward to killing you soon."

[X] ?

 

Furiko's Omake Theatre~!​

Selected Posts from Lunar Gear Liquid: Tactical Espionage Assassination Quest (A Suigetsu is You!)

~owari~

 

[X] If you don't like my fire, then don't come around

You are Yamanaka Ino, and you are currently watching a staredown between a tall girl with red, peeling skin and a straight-backed boy as pale and cool as a snowbank.

"I believe you owe me an apology."

("Ooh, check it out, catfight brewin'.")

("That's a guy, Gaara.")

("For real?")

Neji looks up at her balefully. "For what? Advising you against facing an opponent you almost died fighting? If we had been in a civilian building you could have killed us all."

("Holy crap you were right! Where'd the other one go? There was a chick, too, wasn't there?")

("She's over there with the spiky-haired kid. Bastard didn't even wake up when the room was on fire, can you believe that?")

Ami glares. "I won, didn't I? I beat the big bad Mist-nin you were so frightened of."

"You fight like a genin," he replies coldly. "You should drop out of the exams right now if this is the extent of your skill. Someone who spares no thought for the greater situation is completely unfit for promotion."

"You smug-!"

"Neji!" Gai says, a little too jovially. "The medics inform me that Lee has just awoken! Shall we visit our youthful teammates?"

Neji nods at him, not giving Ami a second glance. "Good. Let's go, then."

Your lanky teammate seethes.

"Nara Shikamaru vs Kankuro!"

[X] Go visit the infirmary too! You can check up on Kiba and the whole bullet issue, and get a chance to pester chat with Tenten.
-> [X] Warn Shika about Kankuro apparently being a gunman?

[X] Shit, no way, you have to be here for Shika-chan's fight! And warn him about Kankuro being a gunman!

[X] Shit, no way, Ami needs to hear someone congratulate her and Shikamaru needs to know Kankuro can shoot him.

[X] Write-in?

 

[X] Standing on the corner feeling blue

"I can't believe I doubted you, you madwoman," you say cheerfully, slipping in beside Ami along the railing. "Congratulations on completely mindfucking the opposition."

She wants to smile, you can tell, but she's still pissed enough at you to hide it.

"Thank you," she says coolly. "Are you done playing footsie with bloodthirsty battle junkies?"

You smirk. "If I were, I'd have to stop playing with you, now, wouldn't I?"

Ah-ah-ah, there's the grin. Yeah, you've still got it. 8)

Menka jumps from your shoulder to hers and gets some pets for his trouble.

Hinata, meanwhile, is in what your mom would call a tizzy over her still-idling teammate. "Shikamaru-kun, you have to! What will your mother do to you if you don't get to the finals?"

"... hmph. You have point."

"He's got a gun too," you quickly mime to Shikamaru. You slap him on the back, saying, "Good luck, Shika-chan! Don't go too wild on him, I know you have issues with that!"

-_- "Mendok'se."

"Ami," Asuma says, nodding in the direction of the hallway, and after a small moment's hesitation she follows him out.

"Begin!"

The two opponents size each other up.

No, wait, is that the fucking puppet?

As far as your ears are concerned, now that they're in the arena, there's no difference. Some songs start in Kankuro and spread to the puppet strapped to his back, some emanate from the puppet and go back to Kankuro.

That's insane! I mean I knew before the puppet had something like a chakra system, that's why I didn't notice it was a puppet at first during the written test, but I thought it was a- I don't know, some kind of multi-seal array to throw off sensors! Or a don't-look-at-this-too-closely genjutsu! Fuck! Can that thing use jutsu?

Oi, Ino, calm down~! It's okay. It's okay. At least now we know.

You frown. Hell of a lot of good that's going to do Shika-chan.

You've been dealing with Kiba and Ami too long. Trust him. He'll notice it.

Shit... this is beyond Hien. This-

Has Shintenshin written all over it.

... someone just made it into the top three.

"Ready when you are," Kankuro says, hands in his pockets.

"That's my line," Shikamaru replies, echoing the pose.

"Hm? Even now you're carefree." The puppet drops, and Kankuro yanks its bindings aside. Surprise surprise, it looks just like him.

"Kind of pisses me off, honestly."

The puppet lunges forward at a speed you're not sure Kiba could equal and you know Shikamaru can't-

-Kagemane no Jutsu/Shadow Imitation Technique!-

"Phew!" Shika says, blinking away the last of his nap-borne fatigue. "That was a close one. Thought I'd have to wait longer for you to get impatient and try something." He pulls out a broken-off kunai handle, and the puppet follows suit with a whole kunai from its own pouch on the opposite leg.

"I know you're the real one," Shikamaru tells the puppet, and sure enough, its - his - eyes widen.

Along with yours. Holy crap. He's right.

"The tension in the wires connecting you is pulling in the wrong direction for you to be the puppet," he explains. "And even if they weren't, the one back there doesn't have the normal ease of movement that a real human does; I haven't seen him blink once since we got down here." He lifts the handle in his hand to his throat. "Concede and I'll let you live."

Kankuro laughs under his breath. "You've got good eyes, kid."

Behind him, with blinding speed, the puppet throws a brace of shuriken at the lights, and for the second time in ten minutes, the room goes dark, save for the soft, indirect light from the broken windows.

You can dimly make out Kankuro - or, wait, is it the puppet?! ARGH! - as he rushes Shikamaru and knocks him unconscious.

"But they aren't the eyes of a killer."

Oh, a tough guy! I think I'm gonna like this one.

Little more sentimental than you usually see around here, too.

"Winner, Kankuro. And we'll take a short break while we get the lightbulbs replaced."

"So what do you guys do with your uncool family members?" you ask Temari. "Do you hide them in the basement, or are there remedial classes in Stylishness they can take?"

"Apparently we make 'em Kazekage," Gaara says dryly.

"Uh... where did the lights go?" Ami asks, returning with Asuma. She's been crying, but not for very long or very hard; if you weren't a sensor you wouldn't be able to tell.

"Kankuro ganked 'em," Temari says proudly.

"He did? Good for him, I always said being a one-trick pony would come back to bite Shikamaru-kun."

No. Kagemane wasn't the problem here.

"No. It wasn't the jutsu that failed him," Kankuro says, arriving back on the balcony. "He lacks experience."

His instincts aren't sharp enough.

... would you two like to be alone?

"Tch. I was sloppy." Kankuro leans on the railing. "If he were a little older he'd've had me."

"Man, you always worry about the past!" Gaara claps his brother on the back. "You ought to be worrying about the future - like how I'm gonna beat your ass in the finals."

"Pass. I like to keep my organs on the inside, thanks."

"Hey," Ami says to you in a whisper, "you wanna visit Kiba? They'll be working on the lights for a while."

[X] You'll visit him when the matches are over. You don't want to miss any clues to defeating Kuyo if she gets through; she's Deidara of the Bakuton's prize pupil, after all.

[X] You'll visit now; you've left the bullet issue long enough.

 

[X] And I'm lyin' here, just starin' at the ceiling tiles

Ugh. Your nose crinkles as you walk in the door. Hospital smell. So many precious memories.

Well, you know one way to fix that!

With a flick of your wrist, a bouquet of anemones (for sincerity - never hurts to be prepared to deliver a formal apology) pops out of your sleeve and into your hands. Like an admirer to a prima ballerina, you toss them into Tenten's thoroughly surprised arms.

"Ah, there's my destined rival~!"

Tenten can't seem to decide between glaring at you and looking horrified at those words.

Can't say I blame her. Your non-apology was way crueller than anything I've ever said to her; she's gonna kill herself trying to catch up to us.

Don't worry about her, she's a Zenigata; she can take it.

"UUOH! Such an honest and forthright acknowledgement!" Gai's eyes well with tears. "Tenten, you are most fortunate to have a rival so full of fire!"

Very quietly, Neji laughs.

He really needs to do that more often!

"Indeed!" Lee injects as much intensity into his exhausted voice as he can manage while propped up in bed, which makes him sound, oddly, like a normal person being enthusiastic. "As your sempai, Ino, I'm proud of how much you've grown! The truth is, for a moment in your battle with Tenten, I doubted your spirit. I thought perhaps your spark had dimmed with unyouthful contempt. But the true beauty behind your words...!" He clenches his fists. "I still have so far to go in my understanding of true rivalry."

"Hahaha!" Gai lets out a mighty laugh. "What's this, Lee? Getting discouraged, are you?"

"Not at all, sensei!"

"Ino is not my rival!" Tenten declares heatedly to the room in general.

Neji shakes his head. "Let them be. Once they get going it's impossible to change their minds."

"Hey, where're my flowers?" Kiba calls.

"Aren't we enough?" you ask, dragging an eyerolling Ami over to his bedside.

"Did you bring it?" he asks.

[X] "Yep." Pull out the bullets.

[X] "'Course." Don't pull them out.

 

[X] Puzzlin' Evidence

"Yep." You tap the hidden seal on Menka's collar (a bit of camouflage for the exams) and empty the contents into your hand for Kiba's perusal. "I didn't know which one you wanted, so-"

Your eyes widen.

Gaara's bullet, the one that hit Kiba, is

a) made of solid chakra

b) made of Gaara's chakra, and

c) rapidly dissolving right before your eyes.



[X] Perfect chakra control, don't fail me now! Try to force it to maintain its shape. You've never worked with other people's chakra, sure, but there's a first time for everything.

[X] Shit, shove it back in the seal, quick!

[X] Whoa, the sooner the scary-chakra is dispersed and away from your hand and your friends, the better. Let it dissolve.

[X] Write in?

 

[X] SHOT THROUGH THE HEART

"Ararara, no no no you don't!"

Ignoring your own fear, you reach out with your sensing and clamp down on the tiny wild tune, gripping it with all your might.

You're a bullet. Stay a bullet. Stay-

Pain. Pain unending.

INO!

"INO!"

It's as though you hold five hundred thousand sandstorms in the palm of your hand. The dark fanfare doesn't spread. It merely, suddenly, undeniably, is.

And now your hand is not.

Panicking, you release your hold, but it's too late. Now it has a hold on you. It will not leave.

Sainte Mère de Dieu it's the Kyuubi the Kyuubi's back the Kyuubi the Kyuubi's back Ino you have to move get moving run-!

You aren't even aware you've been screaming until Neji grabs you by the arm and forces his chakra into your tenketsu, blasting the other invading chakra with everything he has.

But he's too late.

Cursing, he falls back, his hands as blackened and useless as yours.

Abruptly, you find yourself wrapped tightly in someone's arms. The pain is dimming, now.

"Lupin?"

"It's okay, Ino. I promise, it will be okay."

The dream complex flickers around you.

"But... I'm not done! I have to get back out there!"

"Ino, I'm sorry. But in a minute there won't be an out there anymore." He clings to you desperately, like a little kid. "Please stay with me..."

=

Teach Us, Jigen-sensei!​

"There's bijuu chakra in it, you idiots. You don't know a deathtrap option when you see one? Fuck, she spoils you.

"Okay, those of you calling bullshit? Shut up. If an alkaline battery started to crumble in your hands, would you try to put it back together or throw it away before the contents ate through your skin? Just because something was harmless to the touch in its normal state doesn't mean that once decay sets in it's still open season. That bullet isn't supposed to stick around; you'd have found that out if you'd voted to examine it back when Menka picked it up.

"Yes, tailed beasts can theoretically grant their chakra to other creatures. Note the phrasing there: grant. So just this once, pretty please, with sugar on top, don't touch the scary demonic energy unless Gaara explicitly tells you it's okay.

"... christ. I feel like I spend half my life telling Lupin not to fuck with the supernatural. >_<

"And just because I don't want to have to come back out here in ten minutes, the other two options are both fine. I don't want to hear any of you wishy-washy sons of bitches whining about how trying new things got you a Bad End.

"You, with the face! Bring me the 30-year-old Glenfiddich from behind the counter. The rest of you get back to your underage ninja girlfriend."

Thank you, Jigen-sensei! Congratulations, everyone, you've got the Together in Death sticker. Isn't it pretty?

=

you requested a rewind...

[X] Shit, shove it back in the seal, quick!

[X] Whoa, the sooner the scary-chakra is dispersed and away from your hand and your friends, the better. Let it dissolve.

[X] Write in?

 

[X] Shinde shimau to wa nasakenai!

"Shit!" You shove the chakra bullet back into the seal, making Menka yelp at your sudden movement. Slowly, you breathe in and out, easing your way out of the adrenaline spike.

That... okay, you're positive now, Gaara is at least partially not human.

For fuck's sake, do not tell me the Kyuubi is walking around wearing a kid like a dinner jacket!

He can't be the Kyuubi. He can't. The Yondaime killed it!

"What the hell was that?!" Kiba asks.

"Seconded," Neji says. Glancing over, you realize everyone on Team Gai is staring at you. Tenten and Lee look confused; Neji is equal parts disturbed and relieved.

Gai?

Gai is legitimately terrified.

"Where did you get that chakra?" he demands, striding over.

If your past self tried to tell you now that happy-Gai is a little scary, you would laugh in her face. Or you would in a minute when you regain control of your vocal chords. That big boisterous dog? Apparently it's a goddamn Doberman, and it is pissed that you brought something like this anywhere near cute little genin.

Still shaken, you blurt out,

[X] "Why is he the Kyuubi?!"

[X] "Sabaku no Gaara!"

[X] "I'm sorry!"

[X] Write-in?

 

[X] And lots of wavy hair like Liberace!

Some instinct, call it self-preservation or just an ingrained need to pass on helpful information promptly in a crisis, grabs the steering wheel of your brain and offers Dead Man's Curve a sacrificial lamb in your stead.

"Sabaku no Gaara!"

"What?!" Neji asks, furious. "What on earth were you doing taking samples of his chakra?"

"You complete lunatic!" Tenten yells.

"I didn't know it was made of pure chakra!" Wincing, you realize how that sounds coming from a sensor, and decide to confirm what they likely already suspect about your feline friend. "Kiba asked me when they were bringing him out of the arena to 'find the bullet'. He didn't say which one, so I sent Menka after both and he sealed them away to be examined later."

Wait a minute, why didn't Menka sense it before he put it away? He isn't that bad.

Which means its nature was disguised somehow. We'd probably have to ask Gaara himself to find out the details.

"And the seal held it in stasis until you released it," Gai says. He sounds much calmer now, which is in no way a reassuring thing. "Ino-chan, will you please allow me to examine the seal on Menka-kun's collar?"

You unbuckle the collar and hand it over without a word. Menka tidies his neck fur fastidiously, obviously glad to be rid of the thing.

Gai is obviously no seal-master, and after a moment he cocks an eye at Neji, who obligingly activates his Byakugan.

"It's secure, for now anyway." The veins recede, and a pair of white eyes glare at you. "It seems your luck holds out."

Ami frowns at the disdainful tone, but now that you listen for it you can hear an ascending arpeggio of worry in Neji's chakra. Damn. He always was hard to get a read on. Recent revelations have just added another layer of complexity.

You let out a breath you didn't realize you'd been holding, and slouch in your seat. "Thank god. I should have been more cautious. I figured if it didn't dissolve after impact and if I didn't sense anything strange about it it must be at least a half-normal bullet. I mean, Gaara's chakra is obviously all messed up, but..." You stare up at Gai. "What the hell is he? Really?"

Gai is silent for a long moment, and when he speaks again he doesn't look any of you in the eye.

"Lee. Neji. If either of you are called upon to fight Gaara in the finals, you must forfeit."

"Absolutely, sensei," Neji says as Lee cries, "What?!"

"Ino-chan, Ami-chan," Gai says turning to you, "I know I have no authority to ban either of you from doing so, but please give my words the consideration they are due; Gaara is an S-rank opponent."

Ami's mouth goes from agape to downright slack-jawed. Then she closes it, and nods decisively.

You:

[X] Nod along with her. You didn't want any of that before, and now your resolve is even stronger.

[X] Nod along with her. He only asked you to give his words consideration, after all; he isn't asking you not to fight outright. You might be able to find a way around Gaara.

[X] "I... might not be able to avoid it, Gai-sensei. He really seems eager to face me in the ring. If I say no it might damage international relations - I mean, Suna definitely sent him here to show him off in front of a live audience. If he doesn't get a good opponent for at least one fight, I'll have pissed off an ally and an S-rank ninja who up 'til now I was kind of getting along with. That doesn't seem like a very wise decision for a clan heiress to make."

[X] Write-in?

 

[X] There goes the fear again

You bite your lip.

"I... might not be able to avoid it, Gai-sensei."

And you now have the dubious pleasure of hearing what Hyuuga Neji sounds like when he's actually frightened.

Gai's eyes widen. The chords low in his chakra rumble with anger and the promise of disappointment, but the notes above them speak of concern. For now, he's waiting for your explanation.

"Have you completely lost your mind?!" Tenten asks, almost definitely stealing Ami's line.

"You total hypocrite!" she says instead. Oof, I almost made her swear in front of a responsible authority figure.

"Suna sent Gaara here to put on a show," you say as calmly as you can manage while talking about an opponent who can completely annihilate you. You recall some of the reports you received over the past month from some Tora clan members in the course of your research. "The Wind Daimyo and the village have been involved in an ongoing labour dispute for the last ten years; the Kazekage has set mission wages at a level where they're actually worth a damn to someone living in a desert town that imports most of its food, and the daimyo has been hiring Konoha-nin as scabs, the cheap bastard. Needless to say, there's a lot of resentment about that."

"What does the cost of food in Suna have to do with you committing suicide by sand-monster?" Kiba asks, flabbergasted.

"Making Gaara a household name is their best chance of convincing their daimyo that it's in his best interests to support his local shinobi," you summarise. "If Gaara gets at least one good fight out of the finals, where he can really strut for the clients, impress them the way he impresses us, Suna will be back in business."

"Who cares if Suna is back in business or falls off a cliff?" Ami demands. "Are you seriously willing to die just to help an ally take clients away from us?"

"I haven't decided if I'm actually going to fight him yet!" you retort. "I'm just saying I have to think about it; there's more at stake here than just my health." You try to smile. "Besides, he specifically said he was excited to face me in the ring. If I turn him down, after all the other finalists turn him down, we'll have saved our skins at the cost of pissing off our ally to the southwest - and an S-rank ninja who up 'til now I was honestly kind of getting along with."

"You do remember the part where he shot Kiba, right?" Ami says, raising an eyebrow at you.

"In the leg," Kiba says reasonably, "after I shot him in the guts."

"Are you defending that sleazeball?"

Kiba shrugs. "Just sayin', if someone shot me in the stomach, I wouldn't pussyfoot around; I'd take the headshot if I could get it. Organ damage is really fucking painful."

Ami looks like she wants to strangle him. "You shot him there knowing that?!"

"But if no one wants to face Gaara, isn't that proof enough of his strength?" Lee asks.

"How is anyone going to prove we weren't all bribed to drop out?" you reply. "Suna doesn't want a win by default, they want a spectacle."

And we all know who can give them one, don't we?

As if by magic, the façade of an overprotective adult melts away, and the thief re-emerges. Damn right we do.

Gai's chakra has settled down now, from anger to sorrow and regret. He seems resigned; you can already hear him smoothing a facsimile of his usual bombast over his actual feelings. And yet, there's a hint of calm resolution to him, as though he's just made a decision that comforts him somewhat.

"... very well, Ino-chan," he says solemnly. "I will trust your judgement in this matter."

It's as if he just stabbed Neji in the throat. The boy's chakra wails like an air-raid siren, and the notes of his song pound out in short phrases repeating over and over, turning in on themselves and tearing each other apart.

The only outward sign of this is a slight widening of his eyes.

Neji Route Unlocked

Lee, by contrast, almost flies right out of bed in his agitation.

"Sensei! In that case, please permit me to be the one to fight Gaara!"

The pair of them blink at each other, unnerved by the momentary shared wavelength.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lee! Your senjutsu is not yet perfected," Neji says.

"If I haven't perfected it in three weeks, I'll do five thousand chin-ups and sit-ups and sign up for poison immunity training," Lee swears. "I will not permit my kouhai to be pummelled in my place! Or you, Neji - your Gentle Fist is superb, but-"

[X] "Oi, guys... not that I'm not flattered, but this is my fight. I don't want you guys to get pummelled either, y'know." You'll just refrain from mentioning that it's Lee Gaara's most anxious to tussle with.

[X] Wait for Gai to break it up. He's their teacher, after all.

[X] Write in.

 

[X] "Slow down there boys, we don't even know if one of us will draw Gaara's number or get the chance to fight him. Not that I'm not appreciative of you two willing to put yourselves on the line for me, because I am. I really am. It means a lot to me.

Oh for- why are you blushing?

Ah, well, at least Neji got caught in the blowback. Take that, ya moody bastard!

[X] But has it occurred to you that I don't want to watch you two get pummeled either?!"

"You cannot expect us to stand back and watch a girl be beaten if we can prevent it!" Neji retorts. Lee nods vigorously.

"What does her being a woman have to do with it?" Tenten asks indignantly.

"Well..." Lee mumbles, embarrassed.

"You don't have to be down on kunoichi to notice that Ino's as weak as a kitten," Kiba says. "No offence, Ino, but there are kids in the Academy right now who could seriously do damage to you if they landed a hit, and Gaara is just as fast as you are."

Ami just shakes her head like she's completely given up understanding what everyone's priorities are.

[X] "Yes Ami, we're all hypocrites here."

You gently cuff Kiba on the head.

[X] "Look, how about this: we back each other up as much as we can in whatever way we can, so that in the case that we fight Gaara we're as well prepared as we can be. I'd suggest we swear not to take stupid risks to set each other at ease, but I don't think a single one of us would mean it. Not like we aren't already taking a stupid risk..."

Neji - surprise surprise - glares. "Training together can only do so much in such a short amount of time. When you step into the arena, you will still be alone."

[X] "Stop acting like I'm pulling some kind of tragic sacrifice. I'm not stupid. You two might be able to beat me silly in a straight fight if so inclined, but don't think I came into this exam unprepared. I walked in here with plans for how to kick your butts. I'll work something out for Gaara too. I wouldn't walk into the ring otherwise."

"Why must you always court disaster?" he growls, closing his eyes in barely-suppressed frustration.

Wow, it is seriously bothering him that you won't sit back and let him handle everything.

Welcome to the wonderful world of having friends more talented than you are. The bar's next to the fireplace, you're gonna need it.

[X] "It's not like Gaara wants to kill me or anything; he's definitely got enough self-control to keep whatever the hell is up with his chakra from leaving a smoking crater in Kiba's leg, so why should we assume he doesn't have enough to keep from caving in my skull?"

[X] "It's not like disaster's just going to go away. Life's more fun when you meet it head on."

[X] Write in.

 

[X] She comes and goes and comes and goes like no one can

You shake your head. Has he completely forgotten that you guys are supposed to be ninja? Danger is what you do. "It's not like disaster's just going to go away." You smile at him, trying to get him to lighten up. "Life's more fun when you meet it head on."

The heartache is visible on his face, now.

Yare yare. I wouldn't be a teenager again if you paid me fifty trillion dollars.

"Gai-sensei," Neji says, turning desperately to his teacher, "please."

Tenten looks away, grimacing, giving off waves of sympathy and embarrassment. Lee's head turns back and forth between Gai and Neji uncertainly.

"Neji," Gai says finally, "your desire to protect your comrades does you credit. But I am your commanding officer, not Ino's. It is for she and Asuma to determine if she is to be permitted to face Gaara. We must not interfere. That goes for you as well, Lee."

"Yes, sensei."

Way to pass the buck, Gai.

"... yes, sensei," Neji says bitterly, humiliated.

A change of subject is definitely in order, you decide.

"So, Kiba. Which bullet did you want and why?"

"What? Oh! Mine," Kiba says, shifting uncomfortably. "I thought if we could prove he can be cut, and if we had a sample of his blood, we could have sis and her friends analyze it and give you some hints on what poisons he's immune to and which ones he isn't." He eyes Menka's collar, still in Gai's hand. "But given whatever the hell that's about, I'm thinking I completely wasted my time." He sounds pissed about that, and well might he.

"Well, we can give it a shot, anyway," you say optimistically, examining the reddened little ball of lead. "Odds are they'll find something."

There is an anxious jangle of chakra.

... yep, Gai definitely knows. Whatever it is.

Seems like everyone in this exam's got secrets.

[X] You should head back to the exam room. Don't want to miss the next fight.
-> [X] Ask for Gaara's bullet back?

[X] Unless you have something else you want to discuss, with...
-> [X] Ami (Write-in)
-> [X] Kiba (Write-in)
-> [X] Gai (Write-in)
-> [X] Lee (Write-in)
-> [X] Neji (Write-in)
-> [X] Tenten (Write-in)

 

[X] Blow me away

You get to your feet with a stretch.

"Well, I guess I should be heading back. Ne, Gai-sensei, can I get that bullet back from you? We'll have better luck figuring out a weakness if we have a chakra sample as well as a blood one."

Gai hands the collar over. "Keep it well concealed. If asked, inform people that I confiscated it."

"Gotcha. Later, everyone. Tenten? Stay gold." You look to Ami.

"Go on ahead of me," she says, with a sidelong glance at Kiba. "I still have matters to attend to here."

Ooh, someone's gonna get it.

"What does stay gold even mean?"

=

You're almost back when you hear Sakura scream, "SAYURI-SAN!"

The doors at the end of the hall slam open, and two medic-nin rush by. On the stretcher between them lies Sayuri, unconscious.

Ino, don't look-!

You look.

And turn to the wall to catch your breath and keep yourself from vomiting.

That... that used to be her legs, didn't it?

Ino, don't think about it. You hear me? Don't. Put it in a box and put it aside and we'll deal with it later.

She's got her family waiting for her. What are they going to do? Is she going to be-

Ino.

You try to slow your heartbeat down, and wipe the tears from your eyes. Right. Later.

You know before you're even in the room what the basic lay of the land is. The Konoha-nin are, to varying degrees, angry; Kuyo is apologizing but seems to be more disappointed than anything else; Deidara's probably pulling that soccer-mom routine again, from the sound of things; Ira is trying very hard not to lose his temper; Kibi is upset but probably not making much of a fuss out loud. The Mist nin have apparently left already.

Of the entire occupancy of the room, Sakura is easily the angriest.

The runners up, however, surprise you.

Temari is about how you expected; a bit shaken, but bearing neither good or ill will - for Kuyo or Sayuri. But her brothers are another story.

Well. At least now I know Gaara won't maim me and call it good. That's comforting, I guess.

When you enter the examination hall, you go to

[X] The Sound kids.

[X] The Sand Siblings.

[X] Sakura.

[X] Hinata - by process of elimination, her match with Sakura is next.

[X] Shikamaru and Chouji.

[X] Asuma.

 

[X] Mother, mother... there's too many of you cryin'...

"What's the situation?" you ask your teacher in a low voice.

"The Sound girl misjudged Sayuri's speed and resilience based on the data points provided by the rest of your fights and the fact that she made it through the forest." Asuma's tone isn't accusatory, but it's obvious that he knows or at least suspects what you did. "She threw out a diversionary tag that a normal genin would have leapt away from, right into a trap, but Sayuri hit it head-on."

"I'm sorry, sensei; I promise my next fight will go better," you hear Kuyo say.

... it's my fault.

Lupin sighs. ... yeah. It is. I could tell you Sayuri is a grown woman and she's responsible for her own decisions, but we both know you wouldn't believe me. But Ino, a lot of things are going to be your fault sooner or later. That's just part of being an adult. So if you really want to be a ninja, you're going to have to get used to feeling guilty.

You bite your lip. ... I guess it's better I helped her get through the Forest, in a way. I mean, here she can get full medical treatment; out there she could have died.

There's a feeling like a pat on the back. Yeah. There's that at least.

We're still going to kick Kuyo's ass, though, right?

I~ think we're gonna hafta wait in line on that one.

Ho, yeah, no shit, where did a clerk get killing intent like that?

Ever tried to take out a library book with late fees outstanding?

No, why?

Don't.

"What made Sayuri-san think she could take her?" you ask.

"I don't think she did," Asuma replies, eyes on Sakura.

... aw, geez. She pulled a momkra manoeuvre, didn't she? You glance at Hinata, who seems to be having a whispered conversation with her summon. Thought that if she managed to get through Sakura wouldn't have to fight a taijutsu-queen.

"Hyuuga Hinata vs Haruno Sakura!"

"I concede!" Hinata says in a loud, clear voice.

"The preliminaries are hereby at an end," the proctor says, sounding slightly relieved. "We'll be drawing up the bracket for the finals now, and after that you'll be free to leave."

Sakura's chakra reminds you of the time you accidentally pushed Menka into the pond in the backyard. Shock, slowly melting into impotent anger and shame. She stalks out of the room, not looking at anyone.

[X] Go after her, see if you can give her someone to vent to.

[X] Ho, fuck that, she clearly wants to be alone.

[X] Oi, what about Hinata? You know, your actual friend? The girl who's really sad and disappointed right now?

 

[img width=409 height=600]http://i655.photobucket.com/albums/uu276/SharinganAngel16/Naruto/ino3.jpg[/img]
Holy crap, Anko turning down booze? Ten years of fanon down the drain.

[X] She's the kind I'd like to flaunt and take to dinner

"Hey."

"I couldn't fight her, Ino-chan," Hinata says softly.

Mokona puu-puus sympathetically, patting one of the hands that holds him.

"I know," you say. Taking hold of the railing, you lean backward, stretching out your shoulders and arms. "Will your dad be upset with you?"

She smiles bleakly at that. "When is Father not upset with me, Ino?"

"... in all fairness, I think his face does that on its own."

She laughs, despite her dark mood.

"Still," you say, "there are a couple of ways you could spin this that'd make it acceptable to him, I think. We could brainstorm-"

"Ino-chan," Hinata says, giving you a real smile. "Thank you, but..." She takes a deep breath, and continues: "I don't want to give my father an 'acceptable' answer. I want to give him my actual reason for doing what I did."

You blink. "... and that is...?"

She plays with her fingers nervously. "They work in the basement of the hospital. All day long they organize the records of who's been skipping their appointments, and whose children have had chicken pox, and who paid for what, and who needs which prescriptions when, and who's got allergies, and all kinds of things that the hospital eventually needs to know and needs to be able to find out right away when they need to know them. They're always working hard to keep things running smoothly, because they know people's lives depend on them, and they're proud of what they do. Sayuri-san said she's been there since before we were born, even. She was working overtime when the Kyuubi attacked, and instead of staying where she was, where it was safe, she went upstairs and helped the medics move everyone down into the basement shelter."

Hinata squeezes Mokona.

"But no one cares about that, and no one cares that Sagiso-san upgraded the entire filing system herself into three separate levels of security when their direct superior kept putting off doing it. No one says Sakura-san's a prodigy for working full time and still making top of the introductory iryo classes. And none of that will stop the hospital giving the job of Head of Archives and Data Management to someone with no training who's just going to leave in a year when a more 'important' position opens up."

She bites her lip. "I can't change the rules of how someone becomes a chuunin, and I can't keep Sakura-san safe from whatever opponents she's going to face, but... I can do this." Hinata turns to you with a fearfully determined look on her face, chakra jingling with uncertainty. "They're strong. And they should at least have the chance to make everyone acknowledge their strength. Shouldn't they?"

[X] "... yeah."

[X] "Does that mean you're going to oversee her training for the finals?"

[X] Write-in?

 

[X] "... Hinata?" you ask finally, smiling. "When you become Hokage, can I borrow the hat for costume parties?"

) You haven't seen that blush in a while!

Before she can answer, the proctor down below coughs in a deliberate way for once.

Handouts. Heh. It's like we're back in the Academy.

"S-sir?" Hinata manages to get out, before finally getting a grip on herself and continuing in a normal tone: "Sakura-san has just stepped out. May I have two copies so I can take her one?"

"I can do that, Hinata," Kurenai-san murmurs.

Hinata looks like she's about to protest, but nods.

=

Konoha Chuunin Exam Finals

Haruno Sakura
-------------> ______________
Temari
----> ______________
Akimichi Chouji
--------------> ______________ ----> _________
Hyuuga Neji
----> ______________
Sabaku no Gaara
---------> ______________ ----> _________
Rock Lee
----> _______________ ----> ____________
Kuwabara Ami
-------------> ______________ ----> _________
Kuyo
----> _______________
Kankuro
-------------> ______________
Yamanaka Ino

=

Wow. Is it just me, or are they totally trying to cut out the weaker contestants as quickly as possible?

What did you expect? They're running a business.

You grumble quietly to yourself. Now Hinata's sacrifice was totally pointless. Sakura's almost certainly going to get creamed.

Oh, well. Spilt milk. Time to look on the bright side: you can finally go home.

[X] Go straight home with Ami and Menka to tell Sasuke all about the exam.

[X] Invite some of the other contestants out for dinner and swing by home to pick up Sasuke for it. Hey, inter-village relationships need building. (You can afford dinner for everyone. Who do you invite?)

[X] Go visit your parents and ask Dad about Gaara's bullet and the blood.

[X] Write-in?

-----
Your GM cannot bracket worth dick.

 

[X] One is silver and the other gold.

"You know what?" you say to Hinata. "I think I could use a bite to eat; how about you?" At her nod, you turn to her teammates. "Shika, Chouji, you in?"

"You have to ask?"

"Hey, Temari!" you call. "What are you guys doing for dinner?"

Temari blinks. "Well, we were talking about finding a restaurant..."

"Hey, look no further!" You throw an arm around Chouji's shoulders. "This guy'll hook you up and I'll cover the tab. The only catch is you have to sit with us while you stuff your faces."

Before she says anything in reply, Temari slams a hand over her little brother's mouth. "Are you sure, Ino-san?" she asks. "I've seen Gaara close down a restaurant in under half an hour with how much he eats."

You grin evilly at Chouji, who gains a determined fire in his eyes. "Oh~ that sounds like a wager to me, how about you, Chouji?"

"OSU! Don't underestimate an Akimichi cook!"

Gaara laughs behind his sister's hand, and after a moment she pulls back in disgust and wipes the spit off on her pants.

"Why not?" Kankuro says, shrugging. "Can't be worse than what happens when Gaara tries to cook."

"Awesome! I'll just swing by the infirmary to pick up Ami and see if anyone else can come."

Kibi sounds like she wants to ask if she can go too, but Ira puts a hand on her shoulder and eyes Kuyo, and she keeps quiet.

=

"No joke, it wasn't a fire on the ceiling, it was the whole ceiling and it was on fire."

Gaara drinks his daiquiris without the straw, throwing back the ice, sugar and rum as though he's never heard the words 'brain freeze' in his life. He gestures at Ami with a garnishing cherry. "You seriously know how to have a good time, you know that?"

Oh, this is comedy gold. She's actually blushing and Sasuke actually seems pissed about it.

Should we tell him it's partly 'cause her skin's still peeling?

Hell no. High school drama is a sacred rite of passage, my young apprentice. We must not interfere.

Speaking of drama, Shikamaru and Kankuro are having a little tête-à-tête in the corner over god knows what, Chouji seems to be trying to think of something cool to say to Temari, and the off-duty ANBU at the bar against the far wall (he's not in his gear, but you can see the tan line at his jaw where the mask would end) is pretending he isn't watching you guys out of the corner of his eye.

In less tense news, Tenten and Hinata seem to have hit it off, so that's nice; they're talking about some movie they both saw.

Neji is sitting by himself, drinking water and defending his food from Menka.

Your hostess instincts indicate to you that for the next ten minutes, no one is going to actually stab anyone else.

And you know what that means.

"I'm gonna go for a smoke," you announce, getting out of your chair.

"You have smoke-free bars here?" Gaara asks, surprised.

You roll your eyes. "Don't these guys all wish."

"If you haven't got your health you haven't got anything!" Ami calls after your retreating back by way of retort.

The autumn air is crisp against your face as you take your first drag. You watch the smoke rise up past the harsh red light of the alley's one bulb and drift away on the breeze.

Aw, shit.

"Whacha starin' at?" you ask Kankuro without looking at him. "You gonna propose?"

"I'm not looking to start anything," he says. "I just want to talk."

You turn to face him with a mischievous smirk. "So talk."

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a scrap of paper. He unfolds it and holds it up.

The black ink makes it hard to make out in this light, but you recognize it after a moment's thought.

It's the note you left on his puppet in the first exam.

"Did you write this?" he asks.

[X] "I think the real question is, can you prove I wrote that?"

[X] "Never seen that note before in my life."

[X] "Well, yeah. No hard feelings or anything, I'm just really scared of your brother."

 

[img width=600 height=257]http://www.joygazm.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/lupin11_1024X768-e1304224793607.jpg[/img]

[X] Why wert not thou born in my father's dwelling?

Your smirk gets a little broader, and you cross your arms. "I think the real question is, can you prove I wrote that?"

The hope that was lilting in his chakra becomes a crescendo in an instant.

Outwardly, Kankuro hmphs. "Those clothes don't suit you at all, kid. But honestly, I'm just glad I didn't find you in miniskirts and thigh-highs."

"Wow, you know just what a girl wants to hear, don't you?" you quip, wondering what the hell he's talking about.

He just shakes his head. "If you want to flirt, I think Gaara's a little more in your age range."

... why is this so familiar?

"Maybe I like older men," you say cheerily.

"Idiot," Kankuro says, raising his hand as though reaching for something on his head that isn't there. "What the hell are you doing corrupting twelve-year-old girls like that? Get out here so I can beat you."

You almost drop your cigarette.

[X] "... Jigen-san?!"

[X] "JIGEN!" *tacklehug*

[X] Hey, if he'd rather talk to Lupin first, that's cool... you guess...