[X] "Oh, that explains it. I've always wondered, does visiting a hot spring count as a business expense when you're a pornographer?"
His face acquires a grimace, and a twitch to his right eye.
"... what's the matter?" you ask, feigning innocence.
"... what... WHAT THE HELL KIND OF KID ARE YOU?!" he hollers, pointing at you in an accusatory manner.
You shrug, grinning. "Me? I'm Ino the Fifth. Yamanaka the Fifteenth, Konoha's Poisonous Blossom, if you wanna get technical."
"That's not what I meant!" He starts moving his finger up and down, as if trying to include the entirety of your being in his pointing. "For starters, nice little girls don't use the ore pronoun! You are entirely uncute!"
"How cruel!" You turn on the shiny-good-girl eyes. "How could you say such a terrible thing? Did... did I do something wrong?"
"Much better!" He gives you a thumbs-up and a look of relief.
Wow. Note to self, use of 'atashi can only creep out people with more brains than a loaf of bread where chicks are concerned. -_-;
"And another thing," he says, "you're too young to know about..." Hah! Is this for real? He's a grown man, why is he blushing? "... this and that!"
"What's this and that?" you ask with a smirk. "Do you mean sex?"
"Augh! This is just.. y-y-you should be having this conversation with your parents!"
^_^ "I
did have this conversation with my parents. How do you think I know what sex is?"
"Stop saying that!" >_<
"Geez," you say, shaking your head, "that's pretty sad. Mr Big Bad Sannin can write
books about gettin' it on, but get 'im in the presence of a lady and he can't even say the word."
"What lady?! All I see here is a warped, uncouth brat!"
"And all
I see is a middle-aged guy with absolutely no moves, so I guess we're both a little disappointed."
"YOU-!"
"KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE!" A bucket flies over the barrier and, in defiance of all narrative convention, completely fails to hit either of you on the head. It lands in the empty bath beside you instead.
=
You are a best-selling author, a sage, and a member of the Sannin, and you ain't gotta take this kinda lip from any rugrat. Time for the no-fail impression-maker with kids: cool jutsu.
"No moves?" you growl, turning so she's out of the line of fire. "How's this for no moves?"
[X] "Housenka no Jutsu!" Little kids love fireflies, right? This is basically like a lethal version of that. Razzledazzle'er.
[X] "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" A large adorable animal is always a hit, especially if it can talk. Toads are cute, right?
[X] Hell, she talks like a delinquent; maybe petty vandalism is the way to get her on your side. Shikoku Fuuin it is!
