FurikoMaru
Versed in the lewd.
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- Feb 28, 2013
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[X] Milestones
>__< "Y'know, when you said you wanted help training in jutsu, the nice thing to do would've been to go into detail about what kind of help you wanted, exactly."
You roll your eyes. "You're the dumbass who said yes without asking. Considering what everyone else in school considers 'awesome jutsu', you're lucky you aren't regrowing some burnt-off eyebrows right now."
The anaesthetic Mom gave you to practice with is probably the weakest poison she has; dentists use it in stronger quantities to numb mouths before extracting teeth. It's used in preference to ordinary unsanitary water because if your jutsu can purify intentional poisonings out of your drinking supply, chances are it can handle anything nature can throw at it.
When you were first starting out with it your main test subject was yourself, but over time, as Mom had warned you might happened, the 'safe' dose didn't have an effect strong enough to be noticeable to you anymore. You think you've perfected Shisetsu Jousuichi no Jutsu, but how the hell are you supposed to tell?
That's where an Inuzuka guinea pig comes in handy. Kiba'll taste even a single drop of something off, no matter how many times he drinks the stuff.
"Man, aren't you some taijutsu prodigy? Isn't that why you got skipped ahead?" he asks, leaning lazily on the desk, watching you pour about half the remaining amount of liquid into the water cup. "Why're you wasting time on survival jutsu?"
"I got skipped ahead because I'm not a taijutsu prodigy," you say with a sigh, screwing the lid back on the bottle; no matter how many times you explain your circumstances, he never seems to get it. "And whaddya mean wasting time? Your whole clan is about wilderness skills and stuff."
"Yeah, and I wanna know why you're hornin' in."
You stir the mixture with a plastic swizzle stick. "Because I'm not going to be on a team with an Inuzuka, remember?"
"You don't know that," Kiba says sullenly.
"I've known that since I was four," you reply jadedly. "All that stuff about grades determining the teams is just a front for the politics. The Yamanaka, Akimichi and Nara heirs are always on the same team because our parents would complain if it didn't happen. Why do you think Shika-chan never does any work?"
"'Cause he's a lazy bastard," Kiba replies flatly.
"Yeah, 'cause he can be. It's not just the Ino-Shika-Cho thing, either," you add. "The jounin trade people around based on who they want to teach, I think. I mean, what's the point of an apprenticeship where you weren't actually picked by your teacher?"
Kiba scowls. "Whatever! I don't care! Just do the damn jutsu so we can go out for recess!" Akamaru barks in favour of this motion.
"Geez, okay, I was just answering your question." You cast the jutsu.
"Finally!" He throws the drink back with no ceremony, and wipes his mouth on his sleeve. "There. Can we go now?"
Well if he's gonna be that way about it, time to get him back a bit.
O.O "KIBA!" you shout.
"What?" he asks.
"The anaesthesia hasn't been drawn out yet!" you lie dramatically. "The handseals are just the first part of the technique!"
"... WHAT!" He leaps to his feet in a panic, looking around as though expecting someone to just appear and hand him the antidote. Akamaru licks his forehead and whimpers, trying to calm him down, but to no avail. "B-B-B-But I didn't taste it!"
"Because you just swallowed it!" you point out. "If you had even bothered to taste it properly-"
He flutters around like a concussed bird. "I-I-I need to go to a doctor! Am I gonna die?"
"No, no, don't worry about that," you say soothingly, "it's the same stuff they use at the dentist's, only stronger. You're just gonna be, um... drooling. Uncontrollably. For a few hours, at least."
Up to this point your poker face has held admirably.
But then this happens:
"WHA-WHA-WAN-WAN WOOF?!"
And you laugh your ass off.
It's cruel, it's unfair, and it's the funniest thing you've seen in months. Seriously, he didn't say 'woof', although that would have been great too, he genuinely barked. You lean over on the desk, gasping for breath. You laugh so hard that you can't even break off to tell him he didn't drink anything.
"Damn it, nekobuta, I'll give you something to laugh about!"
His sharp teeth nick your lower lip. His mouth still tastes like the tempura he had for lunch.
"There!" he says triumphantly, shoving you back into your chair. "Now you have to drool on yourself too!"
You blink. That... you think, wasn't where I expected this to go.
A smirk crosses your face. But okay.
"Gochis'-san da, Kiba-chan~" you trill, and rising to your feet, you dash for the windows and throw one open. You toss off an Utsusemi, and take a deep breath.
"GOOD AFTERNOON, DISTINGUISHED CLASSMATES!" you shout at the top of your lungs. The kids on the field below look around in confusion, before someone spots you and points.
"INO!" Iruka-sensei calls angrily from a bench, "come down from there and stop yelling!" Hee. He's a lot less intimidating with one of Suzume-sensei's homemade bento in his hand.
"Ino...? What the hell are you doing?" Kiba asks worriedly.
"LET THE WORD GO FORTH FROM THIS TIME AND PLACE~!" you declare, flashing a manic grin. "I, YAMANAKA INO, HAVE STOLEN INUZUKA KIBA'S FIRST KISS!" Aaaaand just to cap it all off, some evil laughter. There! That should do it.
"... is that all?" someone asks as you shut the window. Pff. Philistine.
Meanwhile, Kiba has been bonking his head gently against the wall and groaning.
Akamaru makes a chuff noise that you'd bet ryo to yen means, Drama queen.
----------
tsuzuku~
>__< "Y'know, when you said you wanted help training in jutsu, the nice thing to do would've been to go into detail about what kind of help you wanted, exactly."
You roll your eyes. "You're the dumbass who said yes without asking. Considering what everyone else in school considers 'awesome jutsu', you're lucky you aren't regrowing some burnt-off eyebrows right now."
The anaesthetic Mom gave you to practice with is probably the weakest poison she has; dentists use it in stronger quantities to numb mouths before extracting teeth. It's used in preference to ordinary unsanitary water because if your jutsu can purify intentional poisonings out of your drinking supply, chances are it can handle anything nature can throw at it.
When you were first starting out with it your main test subject was yourself, but over time, as Mom had warned you might happened, the 'safe' dose didn't have an effect strong enough to be noticeable to you anymore. You think you've perfected Shisetsu Jousuichi no Jutsu, but how the hell are you supposed to tell?
That's where an Inuzuka guinea pig comes in handy. Kiba'll taste even a single drop of something off, no matter how many times he drinks the stuff.
"Man, aren't you some taijutsu prodigy? Isn't that why you got skipped ahead?" he asks, leaning lazily on the desk, watching you pour about half the remaining amount of liquid into the water cup. "Why're you wasting time on survival jutsu?"
"I got skipped ahead because I'm not a taijutsu prodigy," you say with a sigh, screwing the lid back on the bottle; no matter how many times you explain your circumstances, he never seems to get it. "And whaddya mean wasting time? Your whole clan is about wilderness skills and stuff."
"Yeah, and I wanna know why you're hornin' in."
You stir the mixture with a plastic swizzle stick. "Because I'm not going to be on a team with an Inuzuka, remember?"
"You don't know that," Kiba says sullenly.
"I've known that since I was four," you reply jadedly. "All that stuff about grades determining the teams is just a front for the politics. The Yamanaka, Akimichi and Nara heirs are always on the same team because our parents would complain if it didn't happen. Why do you think Shika-chan never does any work?"
"'Cause he's a lazy bastard," Kiba replies flatly.
"Yeah, 'cause he can be. It's not just the Ino-Shika-Cho thing, either," you add. "The jounin trade people around based on who they want to teach, I think. I mean, what's the point of an apprenticeship where you weren't actually picked by your teacher?"
Kiba scowls. "Whatever! I don't care! Just do the damn jutsu so we can go out for recess!" Akamaru barks in favour of this motion.
"Geez, okay, I was just answering your question." You cast the jutsu.
"Finally!" He throws the drink back with no ceremony, and wipes his mouth on his sleeve. "There. Can we go now?"
Well if he's gonna be that way about it, time to get him back a bit.
O.O "KIBA!" you shout.
"What?" he asks.
"The anaesthesia hasn't been drawn out yet!" you lie dramatically. "The handseals are just the first part of the technique!"
"... WHAT!" He leaps to his feet in a panic, looking around as though expecting someone to just appear and hand him the antidote. Akamaru licks his forehead and whimpers, trying to calm him down, but to no avail. "B-B-B-But I didn't taste it!"
"Because you just swallowed it!" you point out. "If you had even bothered to taste it properly-"
He flutters around like a concussed bird. "I-I-I need to go to a doctor! Am I gonna die?"
"No, no, don't worry about that," you say soothingly, "it's the same stuff they use at the dentist's, only stronger. You're just gonna be, um... drooling. Uncontrollably. For a few hours, at least."
Up to this point your poker face has held admirably.
But then this happens:
"WHA-WHA-WAN-WAN WOOF?!"
And you laugh your ass off.
It's cruel, it's unfair, and it's the funniest thing you've seen in months. Seriously, he didn't say 'woof', although that would have been great too, he genuinely barked. You lean over on the desk, gasping for breath. You laugh so hard that you can't even break off to tell him he didn't drink anything.
"Damn it, nekobuta, I'll give you something to laugh about!"
His sharp teeth nick your lower lip. His mouth still tastes like the tempura he had for lunch.
"There!" he says triumphantly, shoving you back into your chair. "Now you have to drool on yourself too!"
You blink. That... you think, wasn't where I expected this to go.
A smirk crosses your face. But okay.
"Gochis'-san da, Kiba-chan~" you trill, and rising to your feet, you dash for the windows and throw one open. You toss off an Utsusemi, and take a deep breath.
"GOOD AFTERNOON, DISTINGUISHED CLASSMATES!" you shout at the top of your lungs. The kids on the field below look around in confusion, before someone spots you and points.
"INO!" Iruka-sensei calls angrily from a bench, "come down from there and stop yelling!" Hee. He's a lot less intimidating with one of Suzume-sensei's homemade bento in his hand.
"Ino...? What the hell are you doing?" Kiba asks worriedly.
"LET THE WORD GO FORTH FROM THIS TIME AND PLACE~!" you declare, flashing a manic grin. "I, YAMANAKA INO, HAVE STOLEN INUZUKA KIBA'S FIRST KISS!" Aaaaand just to cap it all off, some evil laughter. There! That should do it.
"... is that all?" someone asks as you shut the window. Pff. Philistine.
Meanwhile, Kiba has been bonking his head gently against the wall and groaning.
Akamaru makes a chuff noise that you'd bet ryo to yen means, Drama queen.
----------
tsuzuku~
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