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Cosmos Quest (Naruto/Lupin III)

[X] Ask the kid to introduce you to his playmate. You're amazed he hasn't seen fit to do so already; clan children nowadays! Why, back in your day...
 
[X] Help the kid out. It's only fair after he told you what you needed to know.
-[X] Kawarimi with Konohamaru.
----[x] Ruffle your clothes as you do so
----[X] Scream "Pervert!"
 
Yog said:
[X] Help the kid out. It's only fair after he told you what you needed to know.
-[X] Kawarimi with Konohamaru.
----[x] Ruffle your clothes as you do so
----[X] Scream "Pervert!"

Ami: -___- Observe, Inuzuka-kun. This is what our lives are now. Observe, and despair.
 
[X] Ask the kid to introduce you to his playmate. You're amazed he hasn't seen fit to do so already; clan children nowadays! Why, back in your day...


Yog, I'm totally on board with your plan. It just feels like a Step Two plan instead of Step One. Lets give him some rope to hang himself with eh? Or, conversely, to impress us.

*snirk*
 
[X] Help the kid out. It's only fair after he told you what you needed to know.
-[X] Kawarimi with Konohamaru.
 
[X] Ask the kid to introduce you to his playmate. You're amazed he hasn't seen fit to do so already; clan children nowadays! Why, back in your day...
 
FurikoMaru said:
You sound like a man on the way to a write-in. 8)

Kinda. Paradise Viewing seems kinda dickish after what our mother did to us, so using that with the intention to distracting him enough to scribble something seems low. We got no chance of making it happen with kawarimi on its own, but I can't think of anything else to use.
 
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Ah hell with it, mash-up in the name of pranking.
[X] Help the kid out. It's only fair after he told you what you needed to know.
-> [X] Paradise-Viewing. Not going to do much against the guy long-term, if his general level of strength is as solid as it feels, but it should make him let go of the kid for a second, and a second's all you need.
-> [X] Kawarimi with Konohamaru. Or shunshin behind the guy. Whichever is faster.
-> [X] Write something embarrassing on the guy's back with Finger Burning Seal.
-> [X] Get out of dodge with your new accessory to assault, vandalism, and probably defamation of character.
-> [X] Extra points if you and the rest of the team Henge into Konohamaru to make tracking you more difficult.


EDIT: Another idea if people are interested:

-> [X] Also, if the guy has any...unusual reactions to the genjutsu that would embarrass him, and we can take advantage of him? Do so. Camera and blackmail, shouting pervert and forcing him to explain himself while we make a getaway to his peers, or slicing open his pants so he's either forced to run after us in his underwear or hold his pants up. Or Henge into a new form, you guess, but if he's gonna be that stupid then it just means we get caught in a public area, dispel his Henge, and scream our lungs out. Possibly replace henges of Konohamaru with Henges of women just for extra bits of discrediting. No way is your team outrunning this guy, so you gotta make sure they get a head start and don't get caught!
-> [X] If you're feeling mean, invoke The Lolicon. Hey, if it can send a Sannin into a corner of woe and depression, it might work on this guy. Or bring down righteous indignation. Either or.



The Poisonous Blossom strikes again.
 
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Doesn't the seal-scripting method still take us buttloads of time?
 
Yep, it's fast.

Also, I edited my post and put in some ideas/suggestions in the case of Ebisu getting a woody or something. Fight dirty so we make a clean getaway!

Well, unless we're trying to befriend Ebisu or something weird like that. :p If that were the case, helping Konohamaru escape is the wrong way to go about it from the word go.
 
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[X] Fight the Power

While the assailant's distracted, you launch into the handseals for Paradise Viewing. By the time he's started berating the struggling brat in his hands he's hit, and by the time they've taken three steps you can tell the vision has him. His grip on Konohamaru slackens, and the kid jumps back, frowning in confusion at the sudden dazed look on the man's face, eyes widening in shock as he outright keels over.

Holy shit. You just dropped a dude with chakra reserves thrice the size of yours like it was nothing. Genjutsu truly is the best thing ever.

"Oh, gods, Ino, what did you do now?" Ami moans. Kiba would likely add something, but with all the guffawing he's probably too out of breath.

Shunshin'ing over, you scrawl 'Beware! Kidnapper!' on the man's back in elegant script, then turn to Konohamaru with a grin.

"Run for it, Hokage-chan."

;D "THAT WAS AWESOME!" The kid cheers in glee. "You're almost as cool as the Boss, nee-chan!" Suddenly he stops short. "Hey, don't call me -chan, I'm not a little kid!"

"Hai, hai, Hokage-kun," you say, grabbing his hand and tossing him onto your back.

"Ino, you cannot just steal children!" Ami hisses in disbelief.

"Huh." You look over your shoulder at Konohamaru. "You mind bein' stolen?"

"Not if you'll teach me that awesome jutsu!"

"As my Hokage orders," you intone solemnly, before grinning at Kiba. "Wanna show off your firearms to an impressionable minor?"

;D "You know I do!"

And the five of you - you, Kiba, Akamaru, Konohamaru, and the long-suffering Ami - charge off toward glory.

=

Dad isn't home when you get back in, but the look on mom's face says she knows you two have quarrelled. She doesn't say anything about it, though; you're grateful for that, since you still aren't sure if you want to talk about the situation just yet.

It's only when you take off your haori that the note flutters out of your sleeve.

Free piece of advice: any time a protagonist encounters a minor vice for the first time, they'll decide either to indulge in it or to vehemently shun it. Predictable as clockwork. Welcome to Team 5. Asuma.

----------

1989, the number, another summer!

And also do the impossible, I guess.

I rather like Ebisu. Sad to see him relegated once again to his status as butt monkey.

By the way, Hymn, congratulations. Now you've met an elite jounin. 8) /continuity nod
 
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.....Did Asuma go Genre Savvy on us?

Nice.

Also, lulz. Alas, shame we did not accommodate the GM, but it was just too easy. Also, chance to play hero, should surprise no one it was taken. Especially since, well, we really didn't have a reason to be nice. Sad.

Also, I love how Ami is the one remotely responsible person on this team.

....Actually, come to think of it, every damn one of us is terribly irresponsible in different ways. Asuma, you better not try to tie us down!
 
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Oh snap son.

*Licks his finger and marks a point for Asuma.*
 
Secrets of Konoha Revealed! Jounin being assigned teams will often swap with one another based on various criteria. The most significant of these is the jounin's individual perception of each kid's status. Some people are desperate to avoid becoming someone's dead mentor and as a result pick only those who appear to be completely average; most, however, are loath to teach NPCs, since the universal sign of a bad teacher is one whose students bite it before hitting chuunin, and competition can get fierce.

The only thing that really surprised Asuma about the way things went down is that Ami the Proper Civilian Girl Who Made Good didn't pitch a fit about him indulging a filthy habit, and you were the one to ask for a smoke, not Kiba The Bad Boy With A Devil-May-Care Attitude.
 
XD Holy cow, all three revealed a LOT during their introductions didn't they?
 
FurikoMaru said:
Secrets of Konoha Revealed! Jounin being assigned teams will often swap with one another based on various criteria. The most significant of these is the jounin's individual perception of each kid's status. Some people are desperate to avoid becoming someone's dead mentor and as a result pick only those who appear to be completely average; most, however, are loath to teach NPCs, since the universal sign of a bad teacher is one whose students bite it before hitting chuunin, and competition can get fierce.

The only thing that really surprised Asuma about the way things went down is that Ami the Proper Civilian Girl Who Made Good didn't pitch a fit about him indulging a filthy habit, and you were the one to ask for a smoke, not Kiba The Bad Boy With A Devil-May-Care Attitude.
I just can't wait until the topic of icha icha comes up, with an attitude like that. Kiba's got nothing on the other two, perversion-wise.
 
Ebisu really needs training against genjutsu, doesn't he? Damn covert pervert. :p
 
He really should have that already, given he's got to be a strategy-based ninja.
 
The thing about genjutsu is, if you don't have any reason to think you've been put under one, it can be hard to figure it out if the person doing it is skilled enough. Ebisu barely gave you and your teammates a second glance, because like Shahera-sensei said years ago, most kids aren't as naturally-talented at genjutsu as you. Even if he had had reason to think you'd have gone after him, he'd have expected a kunai or a Kawarimi or a much less well-conceived genjutsu. And if there's one thing you can say for Ebisu, he knows all of the basics inside and out, and can turn them against their users in a snap.

Think of him like one of those elementary school teachers who're smart, but in a bit of a rut from focusing on child-level material so long.
 
wait Asuma is Genre savvy...we are going to be giving him all the wrong signals aren't we.
 
R.A.G. said:
wait Asuma is Genre savvy...we are going to be giving him all the wrong signals aren't we.

Wrong signals?

We're going to be shouting 'I WANT TO BE THE GUY!' at him, mate.

In TECHNICOLOR.
 
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The next morning Dad apologizes to you profusely, almost desperately, for the things he said, and you forgive him. Both of you were blindsided and angry about what happened, it's not surprising he didn't think before speaking.

=

"So how's your team so far?"

"I am in hell," Sasuke hisses as the two of you slump against the retaining-wall of the bank's roof. Hinata had some family thing to attend and isn't with you this morning.

"Well, at least you didn't end up with Ami like you worried about."

"Ami knows what chakra is," he fires back. "That makes her an automatic improvement on the dead-last."

"Ouch." You wince. "How did he pass again? I mean, I know the teachers don't like him, but I didn't think they'd outright throw him to the wolves."

"I wish I'd known they were splitting the Ino-Shika-Cho," Sasuke grumbles. "As the head of the Uchiha Clan I'm allowed to make team-assignment requests, I could have asked for you to be put with me."

"You me and Naruto on the same team? Konoha'd be a smoking crater within a week." You stretch. "Well, it could have been worse. I've still got Ami, and Kiba's an all-right guy."

"Kiba's an ass," Sasuke says flatly.

You shrug. "He's never shaken down underclassmen for protection money."

"I charged them less than the bully I beat up for them did! And I forgot my lunch that day, so shut up."

"So what's the 'Sharingan-thief' like?" you ask.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "He showed up forty-five minutes late, after all the rest of you left, and led us up to the roof for introductions and a briefing. Naruto acted like Naruto, inevitably, and Shino told him to shut up and stop interrupting. Of course, being Shino, he did that thing he does and gave actual reasons why it'd be a good idea for Naruto to shut up. When Naruto yelled at him to stop using such big fancy words, Kakashi remarked that, by a 'happy' coincidence, Shino's file says he's fluent in B.G. monosyllabic codetalk. The two of them proceeded to speak it and nothing else for the rest of the time we were together."

"Ha!" You cannot contain your glee. "Awesome!"

-_- "No. No it was not awesome. It was the opposite of awesome. I swear to god, the next person who answers one of my questions with a 'hn' is getting a gutpunch." He unscrews the lid of his water bottle and drinks deeply. "Can I come over to your place for breakfast? We have some sort of survival training for our genin test later today and the bastard 'advised' us not to eat beforehand. I'm staying out of restaurants until I can be sure he isn't keeping tabs on me."

"Huh. So either he's testing to see if you guys're professional enough to follow weird orders and respect that you don't have clearance on certain things, or he's trying to see who among you is too thick to realize that stupid orders should sometimes be discreetly flouted. That's... an interesting guy you're saddled with, there."

"... would you mind not smiling when you say that?"

=

Ami has a sheathed sword in her hands when she arrives at the foot of Hokage Tower. She barely looks up to say hello before taking a seat next to you on the steps.

"Graduation present?" you ask.

Ami nods slowly. "Dad said it's a tradition... in the business." She stares at the screaming-Suzaku pattern on the lacquered sheath. "When someone becomes a full member of the organization instead of just being under someone's protection, they get a sword."

Her chakra doesn't indicate that she's angry, even if she kinda looks it. Mostly she just seems confused and a little sad. You can't blame her; Ami's relationship with her dad has never been great, but lately it's just been... weird. And by lately, you mean the past two years or so. Used to be they'd have daily arguments, or he'd bring his friends or business-associates up from the bar at all hours and expect her to play hostess to them. Now he just avoids her, for the most part.

You have a couple of ideas why this should be, but you haven't shared any of them with Ami.

Santa Claus is only for little kids, after all.

"The steel is absolute shit," she says suddenly, pulling it out a bit for you to examine.

"He's a civie," you say with a shrug. "I think my dad knows a guy who could adjust the sheath to fit a better sword. Your old man probably won't know the difference."

"Mm. Probably not."

It's a long, quiet wait in the sun until Asuma and then Kiba show up.

=

<"Hey, Miun-chan. Haven't seen you around in a while.">

<"Hi, Ino! Daddy sends his apologies, but he's been having some liver trouble lately, so I'll be filling in for him. Ooh, right behind my ears, mm~!">

.__.; "... I'm guessing this is why you kids call her nekobuta?"

=

Regarding the prank on Asuma:

The members of Team 5 have made a pact to never discuss The Sausages again.

=

In the past month you have trained mostly:

[X] Taijutsu
[X] Genjutsu
[X] Ninjutsu
[X] Tessenjutsu

and hung around with (pick two)

[X] Ami
[X] Kiba and Akamaru
[X] Menka
[X] Sasuke
[X] Shikamaru
[X] Chouji
[X] Hinata

Request a C-rank in your second month?

[X] Yes
[X] No

----------

Blah. I went kinda drabbly and lazy-as-shit on this one. I'm sorry guys, but I just finished Stone Ocean and started Steel Ball Run. My current status could best be described as "my god, it's full of Joestars."

If you had voted to see the bits where you interacted with Ami during the timeskip, you'd have seen the point where she figures out Daisuke-sensei and Menka are one in the same; she's not a detail-oriented girl, true, but she isn't Mori Ran, or anything. Kiba's always suspected, so he wasn't really that shocked to find out.
 
....God damn it Kakashi, why are you such a magnificent troll and why aren't your our troll?!

I'm sorry Furiko, while Asuma was surprisingly tricksy and clever, Kakashi is just so blatantly laughing at you and dicking you over that I can't help but love the guy. It's just the way Sasuke had one day and is driven to pull out his hair....god damn.

You just know that under Kakashi's tutelage Lupino would have been the most glorious, in your face troll Konoha has ever seen.
 
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Want me to write an omake where you ended up on Team Kakashi?
 

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