Crime Fiction, no title; submitted with others for public review

[Sandscar]

(Since this is my first post here, I'll give a little intro. I'm a writer who blogs on Wordpress, and does paid commissions to share my love of writing with others. The viewers on Wordpress haven't been vocal, and I thrive on comments and constructive critique, so I wanted to branch out of creative types and those who love reading. Hopefully, you all like this enough (or dislike it enough) to share this piece with me. Any comments you have are very welcome.)

Rodney gave the floor's contents a steely regard. He had seen this before; they all had, but that made it no less grim. Body laid out in distorted angles, blood spatter on floor and across to the wall, obvious lack of murder weapon. All signs pointed to someone who did not wish to be caught. Was it guilt, post-murder clarity, or the cleverness of a wicked man? Questions for the philosophers.

Rodney had the simple task of gathering these bits of evidence to develop an understanding, one more sophisticated than that of the police. These poor fools had an obligation to the state and to the people, but they lacked the sharpness needed to catch a criminal before he struck again. Why 'he,' when the killer could have been female? It was simple, really; murders committed by women generally sought to apply some kind of advantage. Poison, a man killed whilst sleeping in his own bed, or else killed in someone else's bed.

Take a victim while their pants are down — literally or metaphorically — and the deed is done more easily. For one of slight frame and questionable fitness, ease was the name of the game. But this act was one of savagery, borne out by passion and more than the lion's share of strength. Rodney would be looking for someone tall, brawny, with a look that said they could get angry, even violent, at the slightest provocation. Only such a monster could reduce a life to such a miserable contortion of flesh.

(This sample was originally posted on my blog. It, and others I intend to post here, can be viewed at sandscarwriting.wordpress.com. I have other Crime pieces tied to this one, and the next piece I intend to post in the thread is one of the Sword and Sorcery subgenre of fantasy. I'd love to hear what you think of this sample, where you think the story is going, and how you think it lines up with any Crime pieces you've read.)

 

[Smurfpapa]

Flashed ne back to my teenage years when I used to read crime story rather than watch them. Anyways:

These poor fools

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Those

sharpness

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Doesn't seem to be the best word choice.

a man killed whilst sleeping in his own bed

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Maybe use 'a sleeping victim'

Why 'he,' when the killer could have been female? It was simple, really; murders committed by women generally sought to apply some kind of advantage. Poison, a man killed whilst sleeping in his own bed, or else killed in someone else's bed.

Take a victim while their pants are down — literally or metaphorically — and the deed is done more easily. For one of slight frame and questionable fitness, ease was the name of the game.

Click to shrink...

Should be the same paragraph since the subject matter is the same which is the predisposition of female murderers.


Other than these I have little to add since the content is too little.

 

[Sandscar]

Flashed ne back to my teenage years when I used to read crime story rather than watch them. Anyways:

Those


Doesn't seem to be the best word choice.

Maybe use 'a sleeping victim'



Should be the same paragraph since the subject matter is the same which is the predisposition of female murderers.


Other than these I have little to add since the content is too little.

Click to shrink...

I used "these" instead of those because the police are present in the scene. If I was thinking about someone with me, I probably wouldn't think in terms of "those guys," but instead "these."
Maybe "lacked the sharpness needed" could be replaced by "weren't sharp enough"?
The rest is very good.