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Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!
- Thread starter Davos
- Start date
alextheconqueror
Not too sore, are you?
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2022
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Someone pass me the phone, because I fucking called it!!
Cu-nosuba Chapter 30: Going Gently Into That Good Night.
New
Davos
laxing0@gmail
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2023
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Kazuma and Rin manage to maintain eye contact upon waking the next morning.
For all of 5 seconds before blushing profusely at recalling all the painful and perverted things they said and done.
But a record is still a record.
Though being unable to look at Rin makes untying her difficult, both in undoing the knots and not wanting to continue.
Kazuma's self control makes Rin pout.
'I didn't let you tie me up twice more for nothing…!'
After getting dressed and still peeking at the other, they head into the kitchen to begin the day with breakfast and continue with arson and their very possible deaths before stopping at the sight on the wall.
The clock says noon, a full 2 hours after the planned duel time.
They pale before glancing at their hands, seals still intact.
"I guess that means they didn't fight without us at least…though they are probably worried about where we are. I'll call my place." Rin says, dialing the phone and grimacing when it goes to voicemail.
"Guess Lancer is still busy with Sella…and those two." She mutters before hanging up.
"They might be at the temple so-" She stops when she sees Kazuma standing still at the window.
'Oh no…' Rin thinks before going to the window, paling at seeing the servants and the homunculi there.
Some are scowling like Saber and Archer.
Some are noncommittal like Medea and Rider.
Others are grinning like Cu and Leysritt.
"…Least it isn't Gilgamesh and Shirou." Kazuma says as Rin covers her face.
===
"Where in the world are those mongrels? Making a king such as I wait…I will have them executed!" Gilgamesh says while tapping a finger, standing in the half ruins of the Einzbern castle.
"I doubt they would use everyone to attack the church…wonder if they are using the tactic Musashi used against Kojiro?" Shirou says, equally annoyed until his phone rings. He answers it and groans a moment later.
"Are they holding Kirei hostage?"
"Worse, they rescheduled for tomorrow."
"They WHAT?"
===
"This place is a fire hazard…" Archer says while cooking in the kitchen and glancing at the papers, cardboard, and Artoria made logs everywhere.
"That is the plan." Kazuma says while handling his dish, making Archer stop.
"You're going to set this place on fire?!"
"Yeah." Kazuma and Rin say at the same time.
'I hate most everything about this timeline…' Archer thinks while continuing to cook.
"So…the fight to the death is tomorrow?" Illya asks.
"Yes. I got a letter back with choice words about breaking my word will send me to Hell." Kazuma says as he finishes cooking his part o the dinner meal.
"That sounds like Kirei…did he do a long meandering paragraph of 'Jesus is watching'?" Rin asks.
"He did…it seemed out of pocket until I recalled he was a priest."
"You met him a church." Cu says as the meal is set.
"Guess I forgot with all the blood and him punching a hole in the…wall…" Kazuma says when he looks at his portion of food from Archer.
It is small and slightly burnt.
Rin's is as well.
Saber and Rider have a larger portion cooked to perfection.
"…Your favoritism is showing." Medea says as Saber starts devouring her meal, smiling at the full meal.
"You could be more subtle." Rin says.
"Bite me." Archer says, making Illya giggle.
"…I don't think I can even finish all-" Saber scoops out a chunk of Rider's rice, making Archer sigh.
"It's not good to be a glutton Saber." Archer says.
"Bite me." She says, while looking at Rin and Kazuma. Kazuma glares as Rin extend her hands towards Saber. Kazuma tries to push Rin's hand down.
"If you ruin another meal of mine, nothing will stop me from-!"
A bag of clothes is placed silently next to Saber from Medea.
Saber sits back down with a cold scowl before resuming her meal.
"Thanks Med!"
"No problem Kaz."
'…I feel there should be more concern about him being friends with a heroic spirit who is infamous for being a child killing witch…' Illya thinks before looking over the lively table, liking the liveliness compared to the usual dinners in the now ruined castle.
===
"Unbelievable, unforgivable…! Those cowards dare call themselves heroes?!" Gilgamesh says while stomping through town.
"…I'm sure they are doing this to vex you into making a mistake…also you're scaring the children." Shirou says as another mother pulls her son away from them, telling him not to point at the foreigner.
"I do not care…I was going to simply kill most of them quickly, but now they face a slow, agonizing death!" Gilgamesh mutters.
"…Is this because we missed the Kamen Rider and Power Ranger movie?"
"It certainly did not help!" He says as they enter the church to find a crestfallen Kirei.
"…What happened to you?"
Kirei merely hands a letter over, allowing Gilgamesh and Shirou to read it over.
"…I don't see the issue. Did you expect him to change his ways from a lecture through a l-" Shirou stops when he sees the final sentence.
"Your ward calls me daddy too~."
"That scumbag, I was going to corrupt your ward!" Gilgamesh says with a clenched fist, making Kirei groan in despair.
"…Didn't you already do that with the phone sex?" Shirou asks, making Kirei groan louder.
"So he should enjoy the fruits of my labors?" Gilgamesh asks, making Kirei stand up.
"I'm getting rid of the cable."
"Kirei, don't you dare deny me my stories! Especially not after today!"
"Pardon me, King of Heroes, but I need to make someone suffer after the revelations this week!"
"Then toss Shirou around in the courtyard!"
"He needs to rest for tomorrow!"
'…Still better allies then those three.' Shirou thinks with a flat face as Kirei rubs his temple.
"Sorry…I think I will retire early…Hopefully there is someone suffering more than I this day." Kirei says before going to bed.
===
Saber covers her ears with the pillow, trying in vain to drown out the repeated smacking sounds from three rooms. Just when she thought they finally relented, they resumed.
One even got louder, as if another participant joined.
'Is this what drove Rin mad?! And Medea just floated away like a traitorous- AGH! I can't take this lurid version of Chinese water torture anymore!' Saber thinks before standing and walking towards the shed, fingers in ears when she hears something more disturbing then the fleshy debauchery.
"You really are a bad nun~."
"Indeed I am father…or should I say daddy~?"
Saber nearly vomits on the spot before going outside. There she meets Illya.
"…Couldn't sleep either?"
"Nope…especially when it got through the ear plugs…Even after they were enhanced with magic." Illya says with vacant eyes.
After a scream rings out they silently take a walk through the neighborhood.
After a point Saber notices Illya looking at her.
"…I can't shake the feeling that I've seen you before."
"I…was in the prior Grail war as Kiritsugu Emiya's servant." Saber says, making Illya stop.
"You were my dad's servant?"
"You're…dad? Wait…You're Irisviel 's daughter?" Saber asks with wide eyes.
After the initial shock and question about Illya's size, they got to talking through much of the night.
They even found that café with the giant muffins and shared one.
For all of 5 seconds before blushing profusely at recalling all the painful and perverted things they said and done.
But a record is still a record.
Though being unable to look at Rin makes untying her difficult, both in undoing the knots and not wanting to continue.
Kazuma's self control makes Rin pout.
'I didn't let you tie me up twice more for nothing…!'
After getting dressed and still peeking at the other, they head into the kitchen to begin the day with breakfast and continue with arson and their very possible deaths before stopping at the sight on the wall.
The clock says noon, a full 2 hours after the planned duel time.
They pale before glancing at their hands, seals still intact.
"I guess that means they didn't fight without us at least…though they are probably worried about where we are. I'll call my place." Rin says, dialing the phone and grimacing when it goes to voicemail.
"Guess Lancer is still busy with Sella…and those two." She mutters before hanging up.
"They might be at the temple so-" She stops when she sees Kazuma standing still at the window.
'Oh no…' Rin thinks before going to the window, paling at seeing the servants and the homunculi there.
Some are scowling like Saber and Archer.
Some are noncommittal like Medea and Rider.
Others are grinning like Cu and Leysritt.
"…Least it isn't Gilgamesh and Shirou." Kazuma says as Rin covers her face.
===
"Where in the world are those mongrels? Making a king such as I wait…I will have them executed!" Gilgamesh says while tapping a finger, standing in the half ruins of the Einzbern castle.
"I doubt they would use everyone to attack the church…wonder if they are using the tactic Musashi used against Kojiro?" Shirou says, equally annoyed until his phone rings. He answers it and groans a moment later.
"Are they holding Kirei hostage?"
"Worse, they rescheduled for tomorrow."
"They WHAT?"
===
"This place is a fire hazard…" Archer says while cooking in the kitchen and glancing at the papers, cardboard, and Artoria made logs everywhere.
"That is the plan." Kazuma says while handling his dish, making Archer stop.
"You're going to set this place on fire?!"
"Yeah." Kazuma and Rin say at the same time.
'I hate most everything about this timeline…' Archer thinks while continuing to cook.
"So…the fight to the death is tomorrow?" Illya asks.
"Yes. I got a letter back with choice words about breaking my word will send me to Hell." Kazuma says as he finishes cooking his part o the dinner meal.
"That sounds like Kirei…did he do a long meandering paragraph of 'Jesus is watching'?" Rin asks.
"He did…it seemed out of pocket until I recalled he was a priest."
"You met him a church." Cu says as the meal is set.
"Guess I forgot with all the blood and him punching a hole in the…wall…" Kazuma says when he looks at his portion of food from Archer.
It is small and slightly burnt.
Rin's is as well.
Saber and Rider have a larger portion cooked to perfection.
"…Your favoritism is showing." Medea says as Saber starts devouring her meal, smiling at the full meal.
"You could be more subtle." Rin says.
"Bite me." Archer says, making Illya giggle.
"…I don't think I can even finish all-" Saber scoops out a chunk of Rider's rice, making Archer sigh.
"It's not good to be a glutton Saber." Archer says.
"Bite me." She says, while looking at Rin and Kazuma. Kazuma glares as Rin extend her hands towards Saber. Kazuma tries to push Rin's hand down.
"If you ruin another meal of mine, nothing will stop me from-!"
A bag of clothes is placed silently next to Saber from Medea.
Saber sits back down with a cold scowl before resuming her meal.
"Thanks Med!"
"No problem Kaz."
'…I feel there should be more concern about him being friends with a heroic spirit who is infamous for being a child killing witch…' Illya thinks before looking over the lively table, liking the liveliness compared to the usual dinners in the now ruined castle.
===
"Unbelievable, unforgivable…! Those cowards dare call themselves heroes?!" Gilgamesh says while stomping through town.
"…I'm sure they are doing this to vex you into making a mistake…also you're scaring the children." Shirou says as another mother pulls her son away from them, telling him not to point at the foreigner.
"I do not care…I was going to simply kill most of them quickly, but now they face a slow, agonizing death!" Gilgamesh mutters.
"…Is this because we missed the Kamen Rider and Power Ranger movie?"
"It certainly did not help!" He says as they enter the church to find a crestfallen Kirei.
"…What happened to you?"
Kirei merely hands a letter over, allowing Gilgamesh and Shirou to read it over.
"…I don't see the issue. Did you expect him to change his ways from a lecture through a l-" Shirou stops when he sees the final sentence.
"Your ward calls me daddy too~."
"That scumbag, I was going to corrupt your ward!" Gilgamesh says with a clenched fist, making Kirei groan in despair.
"…Didn't you already do that with the phone sex?" Shirou asks, making Kirei groan louder.
"So he should enjoy the fruits of my labors?" Gilgamesh asks, making Kirei stand up.
"I'm getting rid of the cable."
"Kirei, don't you dare deny me my stories! Especially not after today!"
"Pardon me, King of Heroes, but I need to make someone suffer after the revelations this week!"
"Then toss Shirou around in the courtyard!"
"He needs to rest for tomorrow!"
'…Still better allies then those three.' Shirou thinks with a flat face as Kirei rubs his temple.
"Sorry…I think I will retire early…Hopefully there is someone suffering more than I this day." Kirei says before going to bed.
===
Saber covers her ears with the pillow, trying in vain to drown out the repeated smacking sounds from three rooms. Just when she thought they finally relented, they resumed.
One even got louder, as if another participant joined.
'Is this what drove Rin mad?! And Medea just floated away like a traitorous- AGH! I can't take this lurid version of Chinese water torture anymore!' Saber thinks before standing and walking towards the shed, fingers in ears when she hears something more disturbing then the fleshy debauchery.
"You really are a bad nun~."
"Indeed I am father…or should I say daddy~?"
Saber nearly vomits on the spot before going outside. There she meets Illya.
"…Couldn't sleep either?"
"Nope…especially when it got through the ear plugs…Even after they were enhanced with magic." Illya says with vacant eyes.
After a scream rings out they silently take a walk through the neighborhood.
After a point Saber notices Illya looking at her.
"…I can't shake the feeling that I've seen you before."
"I…was in the prior Grail war as Kiritsugu Emiya's servant." Saber says, making Illya stop.
"You were my dad's servant?"
"You're…dad? Wait…You're Irisviel 's daughter?" Saber asks with wide eyes.
After the initial shock and question about Illya's size, they got to talking through much of the night.
They even found that café with the giant muffins and shared one.
alextheconqueror
Not too sore, are you?
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2022
- Messages
- 457
- Likes received
- 2,538
I wonder how Shirou would react when he learns Kazuma is a hero with the task to save another world, Kirei tried to kill kiritsugu and Saber was Kiritsugu's sevrant, and let's not forget Gilgamesh plan for humanity