... if you ever, ever expect this thread to have a regular update schedule, you are a hopeless fool.
You are Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt-Zerbst, known as Kirche the Zero, and you are almost free of the stifling hellhole known as the Tristainian Academy of Magic.
Your parents sent you to attend school here rather than in your native Germania out of embarrassment at your continued inability to use magic, along with a hope that a change in scenery might properly motivate you into giving a damn about your studies. After all, there's a Vallière prodigy in your year, here; surely family pride won't permit you to lose to one of those uptight ninnies, right?
Apparently, it will. Louise Françoise Le Blanc de la Vallière is easily top of every class, while you continue to coast on your (considerable) charm... something 'Louise the Blowhard' ("That's 'the Howling Gale'!"

) couldn't do with a thousand years of practice; that Tabitha girl is her only actual friend, as opposed her many hangers-on. She's the one who came up with your Runic name - 'zero magical talent, zero ambition, and zero modesty'.
You don't mind the 'talent' and 'modesty' digs - why argue with the truth? - but you take exception to 'no ambition'. You have plenty of ambition.
And all of it is focused on getting expelled.
If you're expelled, you don't have to answer to anyone anymore. Your parents will stop shoving fiancés twice your age at you - ooh, if you get expelled disgracefully enough they might even disown you! Then you could go work at that darling little inn you found on your last Voidsday excursion and they couldn't say a word about it. Mademoiselle Scarron said he'd hire you in a second; said you'd be the star of the rue aux Suifs.
Now
that's something you have actual talent in.
That's an ambition you could happily chase.
But first, there's the little matter of the Springtime Summoning Ritual. (Potentially) Your ticket out of here.
This is going to be a piece of cake. If you can't even manage to cast a simple Levitation spell when you
try, how hard could it be to intentionally bungle a summoning?
*
The day is tempestuous, with a slate-grey sky and a distant rumble of thunder.
Naturally the Wind and Water mages are thrilled; it's a good omen for them, summoning a familiar in a storm. Tristainian nobles do not often indulge their taste for the dramatic openly, but concealing it entirely is a task they are simply not up to. You've noticed that in this country every remotely-noteworthy event requires the planning and execution of silly, superfluous details that don't actually do anything, as far as you can tell. The little plus, as they call it in Gallia.
This Springtime Summoning Ritual, for one. It's held outside, every year, rain or shine. When you asked Professor Colbert politely if it might not be best to move the ceremony indoors, in case someone summons a particularly lightweight familiar like a garter snake or a sparrow, you got a hail of laughter from your classmates and a firm but friendly rebuke from your teacher. The Springtime Summoning Ritual has been conducted out of doors since the time of Brimir, he says, and such a tradition cannot be changed on account of a breeze.
You nod, and resist the temptation to roll your eyes.
The obvious reason for that is that in Brimir's day we all lived in tents and didn't have
doors.
Your parents didn't have to summon outside when they performed the ritual at St Ansgar's. You know because father has that amusing story about how Kerze, his phoenix, accidentally set fire to the supervising professor's robes, causing the old man to panic completely and run smack into a wall.
You suppose by the end of today you might have a story of your own to tell, about how you finally climbed down from the plaster horse and got off this magic-fixated merry-go-round of misery.
It is a cheering thought.
You volunteer to go first, surprising everyone. You stand before the clearing, raise your wand, and say,
[X] *insert flowery incantation here - points for write-ins* - if you're going to pretend you should do so properly.
[X] "Come." It's all that really needs to be said, after all.
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So. As I mentioned in the other thread, no canon experience have I. HALP.
I'm basing my interpretation of Kirche off of my interpretation of Marie Antoinette. I apologize to any Russian history fans who are disappointed by this, and especially to any Germans or Austrians who're sighing and going, "Why doesn't anyone outside of Europe ever think of us as two different countries?"