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Ah... so the assassination game is about to begin. And the ministry is in a very bad position for it. They'll have to present themselves to potential murderers, while Voldemort can sit in his manour smoking cigars or torturing muggles.
Well that is in a Wizard guerilla war. In a war between wizarding nations I imagine things would be a lot more balanced.
Well that is in a Wizard guerilla war. In a war between wizarding nations I imagine things would be a lot more balanced.
Well that is in a Wizard guerilla war. In a war between wizarding nations I imagine things would be a lot more balanced.
Hm... so Dumbledore has set up a trap and Voldemort is going to spring it. It just seems like he's learned from Hermione's cell and is going to bomb it instead.
I just hope Dumbledore has anticipated something like that considering the way his Death Eater hunter aurors died.
It took me about 5 seconds of puzzling about this sentence before I realized that they are talking about paper airplanes."I just received the signal to launch the aeroplanes," the wizard said. "We're up."
"If the Chief Warlock's still in the Ministry when you start it, then it's going to be a short fight." Unless the Dark Lord came in person to face Dumbledore. Brenda wasn't certain if she wanted to be anywhere near the Ministry should those two duel.
They had to secure theSAtrium first anyway, so entering there made the most sense.
Though in our current situation, it's a very good thing we have so many beautiful witches among our ranks.
Groaning, he tried to untangle himself from his broom, but his right arm didn't seem to be working, no matter how much he tried.
Good chapter! I thought the build-up of tension, interspersing the Wizengamot debate scenes with scenes of protagonists and antagonists making preparations for the aftermath, was done particularly well.
Also,
It took me about 5 seconds of puzzling about this sentence before I realized that they are talking about paper airplanes.
Ouch... that ploy really backfired for Voldemort. He's got no real commander in the ministry and he's busy in Hogsmeade while the Muggleborn resistance is mopping up his coup force.
He was in deep shit the moment he went for Harry instead of following his objectives. For all that Harry failed he still kept Voldi busy for minutes. Enough for Dumbledore to arrive and organise resistance.
You never allow yourself to be tied down in a Guerilla war.
Well he got Dumbledore away, but his minions are still screwed. Their fallback/strongpoint was just murdered from behind and the other ones are going to find themselves between a rock and a hard place now. (Hopefully) loyal aurors to the front and the Muggleborn resistance to the back. Even if they could have taken the Wizengamot they'll also have to defend to an assault from the back now.His objective was to draw Dumbledore away from the Ministry; Harry was a very convenient target of opportunity.
Well he got Dumbledore away, but his minions are still screwed. Their fallback/strongpoint was just murdered from behind and the other ones are going to find themselves between a rock and a hard place now. (Hopefully) loyal aurors to the front and the Muggleborn resistance to the back. Even if they could have taken the Wizengamot they'll also have to defend to an assault from the back now.
Dumbledore is away from the ministry, but Voldemort also isn't in the ministry - where his own guerilla strategy just badly missfired. If they fail he's doubly screwed. On one hand he'll have lost the majority of his forces and infiltrators in the ministry. On the other hand the remaining followers might wonder amongst themselves why he'd rather play catch with Potter than properly leading them.
Good action. The chaotic feel of the Ministry battle was hard to read in places (more on that below), but I thought it conveyed a good sense of chaos and incomplete information of modern urban warfare: we don't know what's going on across the wall the protagonists are about to blast, because they don't know. Also --- and this is a more general compliment for the whole fic --- how Hermione's leadership style is done. She isn't written as a "natural leader" or as particularly charismatic or even particularly confident. Rather, she learns to lead in a very Hermione way: by studying how leadership is done, getting advice from experts, and then meticulously adapting every aspect of her behavior to the role, including consciously suppressing her reflective nature and regrets to plunge ahead.
I did feel that Bellatrix's demise felt neither here nor there. The way I see it, it tried to both fit thematically (an individually powerful witch being brought down by a coordinated team effort involving both Muggle technology and magic) and give Hermione "personal credit" (for being the first to hit her), which contradicts the theme. I think that either going all the way in the "thematic" direction by having it be ambiguous who shot Bellatrix first; or going all the way in the "personal" direction with Hermione ending up one-on-one with Bellatrix, or nearly so, and winning a pitched battle with some clever combination of magical and Muggle tricks, would have worked better than the middle-of-the-road approach.
I also have a comment about the structure of the chapter. In a nutshell, I think that the interleaving of scenes that worked so well for the Wizengamot vote didn't work at all gere. You have two contemporaneous battles (Hogsmeade and Ministry), but they don't interact or influence each other at all, and this chapter is all action, so a scene change basically requires the reader to mentally put the current scene on hold and then resume it later.
More philosophically, while the Wizengamot vote chapter's scene changes built tension over the course of the vote, this chapter is scenes of catharsis, and interrupting them is jarring. If this were a movie, these sorts of rapid cuts between unrelated action scenes would be part and parcel of modern cinematography, but it doesn't work in prose.
So, I would suggest rearranging it to consolidate the Ministry battle and the Hogsmeade battle scenes. Perhaps there should be two short cuts at the end to "resynchronize" the two scenes, but no more than that. For example, here's a version with a total of 3 cuts:
- Hogsmeade: From the start, until Ron observing Death Eaters flying away.
- Ministry: From start, until Bellatrix's demise.
- Hogsmeade: From "Harry was panting" after Voldemort flees the battle.
- Ministry: From Brenda trying to flee ("When the stone and metal blocking the way to the Atrium...").
A cult leader she ain't.Hermione tries to be a by the book leader - which won't work all the time. She depends more than others on success.
Absolutely. I was specifically writing about how reading it felt (to me), not why it should have gone differently in-universe. The question is not even one of in-story "fact" --- whether Hermione's bullets hit Bellatrix before anyone else --- but one of whether the narrative chooses to mention that "fact", rather than more generally noting that Bellatrix was hit with bullets.
Well, all I can say is how it felt to me, which may or may not be what you had intended. Was nobody else shooting guns at this point?I really didn't think about giving Hermione credit or whatever - it's just that she was firing an assault rifle in rapid semi-automatic aimed fire, and so her bullets hit a fraction of a second before the spells from the others hit. Trying to see anything else in that is overthinking it, in my opinion. It was a team effort - the shield fell while Hermione was reloading, even - and I don't think pointing out that bullets are faster than spells will change that.
In my opinion, it doesn't work with prose. Prose conveys information one sentence at a time, while film conveys a whole picture at once. This means that in a film, when cutting away from a scene then cutting back to it, it takes no time or cognitive effort to "recall" what was going on and resume watching the scene. On the other hand, when reading, I, at least, have to expend cognitive effort recalling what the scene was before the cut and rebuilding it in my mind. Thus, "cuts" are much more expensive to the reader in prose.I wanted to have the conclusions of the the battle POVs close together - Harry/Dumbledore, Hermione, Ron. It was influenced by movies, yes, but I'm not quite certain that it won't work with prose - but that may be because I generally have a movie in my head when writing or reading.
Hermione: Speak for yourself. If I had a cult leader's charisma, it would have been so much easier to get Harry and Ron to do their homework, and for House-Elves to go along with their liberation; and maybe Allan would have stayed in line.To be fair, that's really a good thing, and I think this Hermione and this Dumbledore would both agree on that.
Maybe she'd be able to convince Harry and Ron, but houseleves are natural slaves while Allan was a psychopath.Hermione: Speak for yourself. If I had a cult leader's charisma, it would have been so much easier to get Harry and Ron to do their homework, and for House-Elves to go along with their liberation; and maybe Allan would have stayed in line.
Absolutely. I was specifically writing about how reading it felt (to me), not why it should have gone differently in-universe. The question is not even one of in-story "fact" --- whether Hermione's bullets hit Bellatrix before anyone else --- but one of whether the narrative chooses to mention that "fact", rather than more generally noting that Bellatrix was hit with bullets.
Well, all I can say is how it felt to me, which may or may not be what you had intended. Was nobody else shooting guns at this Point?
In my opinion, it doesn't work with prose. Prose conveys information one sentence at a time, while film conveys a whole picture at once. This means that in a film, when cutting away from a scene then cutting back to it, it takes no time or cognitive effort to "recall" what was going on and resume watching the scene. On the other hand, when reading, I, at least, have to expend cognitive effort recalling what the scene was before the cut and rebuilding it in my mind. Thus, "cuts" are much more expensive to the reader in prose.
I appreciate and agree with the benefit of having the battle scenes end closer together. That's why I suggested doing 3 cuts with the last two segments being much shorter. (Other variants are possible, such as switching 1 with 2 and 3 with 4, or merging 1 with 3 for 2 cuts.)
To be fair, that's really a good thing, and I think this Hermione and this Dumbledore would both agree on that.
Hermione: Speak for yourself. If I had a cult leader's charisma, it would have been so much easier to get Harry and Ron to do their homework, and for House-Elves to go along with their liberation; and maybe Allan would have stayed in line.
Maybe she'd be able to convince Harry and Ron, but houseleves are natural slaves while Allan was a Psychopath.
Anyway, it was probably a good thing that another of her two troublemakers died. She's now got a martyr that the ministry will have to acknowlege and one person less that could try to continue the conflict if Hermione wants to end it.
I'm curious where Voldemort went. Did he go for the ministry? And if so is Dumbledore going to follow him? The way he sent Harry away hints at that.
"As I recall your group did not come out of the battle usncathed either," Amelia said, a bit sharper than would have been advisable.