Gravitas of Zero

[Charles Flynn]

"Oh my God, you killed him," I said, even as my compatriot licked clean the blade with which he had just sliced a teenager's head off.

"He was a witness," Benny, my brainless Brujah brother-in-arms said, shrugging. "Saw me use Celerity. Couldn't be allowed to live."

"Yes! Yes, he could have!" I yelled. "I have Dominate, you idiot! I can wipe memories!"

The alleyway that my coworker and (not that I would ever publicly admit to it) kinda-sorta friend had just murdered a teenager in was rapidly flooding with blood from his decapitated stump, which was adding a tinge of hangry to my fury. Any minute now, a witness could come along and find us.

"It didn't matter," Benny said, sheathing his katana. "My blade had already been drawn, and I couldn't sheath it without drawing blood. The boy's fate was already sealed."

"That is not how swords work, you FUCKING WEEB!" I yelled. "And now, the Kuei-Jin are going to find out that we killed a mortal on their territory, when we were here without their permission, on a secret mission. They will skull-fuck our souls, Benny."

"Oh, I'm the weeb?" Benny said, choosing precisely the wrong part of my previous statement to focus on. "That's rich coming from the guy who can only drink the blood of women in maid cosplays!"

"I told you about my clan curse in confidence!" I hissed at him.

"Yeah, well, guess what, Adrian!" Benny shouted back. "I don't give a fuck! God, why can't you just respect my cool new sword?"

"Because you just murdered a teenager with it, Benny!" I whisper-shouted back. "When we were explicitly told not to kill anybody!"

"Look, you're the social guy, right? Just stick to the social things, let me handle the sword stuff," Benny said with a careless wave of his hand.

"This IS a social thing, Benny!" I shouted. "Because you have just committed a CRIME! Against SOCIETY!"

"Yeah, and I'm a rebel born and raised," Benny said, with a grin that he thought looked cool and suave, but just… really didn't. "I don't play by society's rules." He punctuated that by snapping his black, fingerless leather gloves, and pushing his sunglasses further up his nose.

"Yeah, shut up and help me hide the body, you fucking poser."

"Just for that? You can do it alone," and then he walked off, black trench coat sticking out like a sore thumb.

I muttered a curse under my breath, and started rifling through the corpse's pockets, hoping to get a handwriting sample I could copy for a suicide note. Instead, I only found a library card.

"Saito Hiraga, huh?" I looked down at the corpse sadly. "Sorry bud. Guess I just have to stick you in a dumpster and hope no one finds you."

Par for the course, really. Being the low man on the Ventrue totem pole meant doing a lot of the dirty work that the higher ups didn't want to do themselves. Especially corpse disposal.

"Cainite!" someone shouted behind me, and I turned to see two Kuei-Jin, standing with weapons drawn. "Explain yourself!"

This just really wasn't my day, was it? Suddenly, a glowing blue portal opened up right next to my buddy Saito, and, seeing the flaming crossbows the Kuei-Jin were holding, I decided to take my chances with the portal.

"No place like home, no place like home, no place like home!" I shouted as I jumped through the portal, on the off chance it worked by Wizard of Oz rules.

---​

I appeared in the center of a strange chalk circle, drawn on the dirt. Around me was a bunch of extremely colorful teenagers who had an equally colorful assortment of beasts with them. In front of me was a pink-haired girl, an extremely short pink-haired girl, with a bald man I assumed to be a teacher of some kind reassuring her in an unknown language. But I didn't have time to focus on that. Because, as the smoke around me cleared, I realized one critical, deadly fact.

It was suddenly, somehow, daytime. And I was in direct sunlight.

Howling, I burst out of the circle towards the interior of the castle stood before me, the Red Fear driving me to greater physical heights. Only my mastery of Fortitude (which I had religiously studied over the years, at first out of academic curiosity, and then out of very real necessity in order to survive being friends with Benny) allowed me to not instantly die. Instead, I burst in through the door, slightly charred, but not enough to impair my movement, and inwardly thanked my lucky stars. Wherever I was, they at least had internal lighting, meaning that the great hall was without windows.

I also became aware of the pink-haired girl dashing after me, while her compatriots laughed and jeered, and I decided to continue running. But, where, I thought to myself, in the building could I run without fear of windows?

As I contemplated my escape route, my body suddenly caught wind of the fact that it was daytime, and I was faced with a sudden, overwhelming urge to sleep. To crawl into some dark corner and let the sleep of the Damned consume me. I fought it off with strength of will, but even so, it beckoned me.

It also distracted me long enough for the pink hair girl to burst through the door and catch me off-guard with a flying tackle, though.

Pinned under her, and still very discombobulated, I could only try to shake her off my back as she huffed and panted and shouted something in that same unknown language they apparently used here. And then, she kissed me.

So, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I was tackled and molested by a pink-haired twelve-year-old. But wait! It got worse. My hand began to burn with some unknown fire, and as I stared at it incredulously, strange markings began to appear on it.

And that was about the point where I decided that all this shit was too weird for me, and I'd better just go into torpor until the world made sense again. Which I did.

---​

"YOU USELESS LUMP OF FLESH!" a shrill voice screamed in my ear, greeting me as I rose from my unearthly slumber to feast on the blood of cute girls in maid uniforms. I heard the crack of a whip, and felt the familiar, minor pinch of a horsewhip hitting my ear. "You humiliate me in front of everybody, you try to get out of being my familiar, and now you think you can skive off work just by dying? WAKE UP!"

I immediately rose to my feet, bowing profusely in the direction of the person whipping me. "Sorry, mistress, it won't happen again."

"But… you were dead…" the pink-haired girl said, looking flabbergasted that her brilliant plan of beating my corpse until I started moving again had actually worked. "You were cold… and I didn't feel a heartbeat."

We were in a girl's room, presumably hers, and my mind was racing. It must have been close to sunset if I was back up so early.

"I have a medical condition that makes me go into a coma when I'm exposed to sunlight," I said, shamelessly lying with a straight face. "When I'm in such a coma, my body temperature plummets, and my heart slows down so much you can't hear it beating. But other than that, I am a completely normal human."

Please buy it, please buy it, please buy it…

"Unbelievable," she muttered. "How could I manage to summon a familiar even more useless than a normal commoner?"

Holy shit, she bought it.

"Fine," she said at last, "If you can't be useful during the day, you can at least do chores for me at night. Wash my laundry, familiar."

And she tossed her hamper at me, gross, before turning to dress for bed.

Having found my excuse to leave, I took it for all it was worth. Explanations could wait until I found a less temperamental source, one that wasn't apparently my… Master? Was I a slave, now? Not too much of a downgrade from being a neonate, but definitely a situation to rectify.

And wait, wasn't she speaking a whole different language before, why the hell could I understand her now?

Things to ponder later.

It didn't take long before I made a shocking discovery: There were no washing machines. What sort of primitive hell had I leapt into?

Then, God decided to throw me a bone.

"Excuse me?" a girl's voice said, and I turned to find a beautiful young lady with a neck that wouldn't quit, wearing a maid uniform, holding a basket of laundry and looking at me. "Are you washing laundry as well?"

"Yes! Yes, I am," I said, staring at her neck. After the day I'd had… I could really use a pick-me-up. "What's your name?"

"Siesta!" said the young lady, looking at me curiously. "Excuse me, but… You wouldn't happen to be the person that Lady de la Valliere summoned as her familiar, would you?"

"I am indeed," I said, before sidling into conspiratorially whisper. "You wouldn't happen to know what that means, would you?"

"She didn't tell you?" Siesta asked, even as she led me towards a fountain.

"Afraid not. She was a bit busy whipping me and calling me useless to explain things to me," I said, shamelessly playing the sympathy card.

"Oh, my goodness, you poor thing!" She actually dropped some of her laundry into the fountain as she gasped in shock. "That's terrible!"

"It is what it is," I said with a sad shrug, not entirely effected. "That's why I really appreciate you taking the time to explain how this world works to me. It means a lot."

And so, aided by her sense of guilt, Siesta gave me the 411 on the world I ended up in. It took a while as she explained that the nobility had magic (as for the specifics, she gave a vague explanation of how it corresponded to the four classical elements and little else), that they all worshipped their Founder, Brimir, and how I was apparently now the little pink girl's personal property. There were other things, of course, but the three main bullet points are what I focused on.

"Thank you, Siesta," I said with a smile, leaning in close to put my hand over hers as we finished putting the laundry out to dry. And as I did so, I blasted her with my Presence, hopefully giving her a mortal adoration of me easily comparable with a blood bond. I didn't feel much resistance, so she was either remarkably weak-willed or fell easily for a pretty face (and my face is exceptionally pretty). "And, as token of my thanks, I wanted to give you this."

"G-Give me what?" she stammered, as I leaned in closer, blushing up a storm as I got closer and closer to her face. And then, just as we were a few inches apart, my arm looped up behind her back, pulling down her collar, and I sank my teeth into her neck, dipping her back as I took her in the Blood Kiss.

The taste was heavenly, and I felt her chest rising and falling against mine as she moaned beneath me, relishing it even as my fangs sank into her. And then, after but a few sips, I released her, making her whole body shiver as I delicately licked the bite wounds shut and propped her back up. She was a tad paler but hadn't lost enough blood to pose a health risk.

"Oh, and Siesta?" I asked, "If you could come tend to my mistress personally during the day, that would be quite nice. I can't do it myself, you see, since I'm allergic to sunlight."

She nodded woozily.

"Oh, and, would you happen to know where any other maids might be working?" I asked.

Shakily, still with a dopy, blissful grin on her face, she pointed.

I kissed her on the forehead and left, grinning. I could always do with more of the serving staff under my thumb, and tonight…

I was very far from feeling full indeed.

 

[Charles Flynn]

I saw the moons beginning to set on the horizon. It would be dawn, soon.

I was full by then, standing on the castle's ramparts, full as a blood-gorged tick. And now that my hunger was truly sated, I had to figure out what I would do next.

I could leave, of course. Have Siesta smuggle me into her hometown in a crate. Her local lord, Count Mott, was much despised from her accounts, and wouldn't be much missed. I could easily kill or bewitch him, turn the town into my own personal playground, where all the women would wear TINY MINISKIRTS! But what next? What then?

I was more of a follower than a leader, to tell the truth. Embraced for loyal service as an accountant, I had never once in my life had much of personal ambition. Even becoming an immortal bloodsucker hadn't changed that, to my sire's dismay. I… couldn't picture that life. Couldn't picture living for myself. I needed a superior. Needed someone's goals to work towards, because my own were small and petty things. So. I had to find someone to work for.

My summoner? The slip of a girl hadn't much impressed me, but I suppose that I could wait things out, watch, see if she had any depths to her. See if she was worth serving. And who knows? Even if she was unworthy, she might lead me towards someone I could serve with pride. I wouldn't mind a worthy master.

And so, as the sun began to peek out over the horizon, I settled into torpor beneath my summoner's bed. I knew what I would do come evening.

---​

"Siesta?" I said, appreciating the way the maid jumped in surprise when I snuck up on her the next night. "Could you tell me a bit more about my mistress?"

"Oh!" she started scrambling to pick up the armload of towels that she had dropped when I startled her. "Well… You know, I don't think you told me your name?"

"Oh it's…" it suddenly occurred to me, then and there, that I hadn't told anyone my actual name. This was my chance. I could reinvent myself, be born anew, finally get a new name, a cooler name than just Adrian Shumacher. I could be… "Nairda."

My face was stony as I screamed internally. WHAT WAS I THINKING? That was actually worse than being named Adrian, because it was literally just 'Adrian,' but backwards. No. No, it was a whole 'nother world, where people named their children after lazy Spaniards' midday naps. I could still make this work.

"Oh. Well," she sighs. "I'm sorry, Mister Nairda. I'm just a bit off, today. I've been feeling a bit woozy ever since you, um…" she blushes, and puts her fingers together. "Ever since last night, and I'm probably going to lose my job. I don't… I don't think I should be answering questions right now, I really need to be working my hardest."

"What? Why would you lose your job?" I ask, flabbergasted.

"Well, um, last night, I was sent on a late-night cake delivery, after we parted ways, and I saw the young lord Gramont a-wooing."

"Did he get fresh with you?" I asked, worried for the well-being of my new favorite food source.

"No, he was focused on the girl he was seducing at the time, but he dropped a vial of perfume, and when I was personally attending to Miss Valliere like you asked, I saw Lord Gramont, and tried to return the perfume to him. And… um… his fiancé sort of found out that he was cheating on her from that, and I saw he was glaring at me, so I think he's going to use his family's influence to get me fired."

"Well, that just can't be allowed to stand," I said, my face grim. "I'll go have a word with him."

"I wouldn't want you to get in trouble on my account," Siesta said, eyes wide.

"Don't worry, I can be very persuasive," I assured her with a million-dollar smile. "Which way to his rooms?"

She gave me directions, and, before I set off, I mulled things over, and decided to give her an offer. "Siesta? Do you feel… powerless, here?"

"Um, I mean," she stammered for a bit, then sighed. "Yes. I feel powerless… everywhere. Same as all of us commoners do, I suppose. Those without magic will always be at the mercy of those with it."

"Well, I can't offer you magic," I said. "But, if you'll serve me, I can offer you power. Nothing to shake the world, but enough to tip the scales a little more in your favor."

"I… how?" she asked, and I could taste the desire in her voice.

"Are you interested?"

She looked around, checking for witnesses, any prying ears, any sort of tattletale who might have heard her reply. And then she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into a broom closet.

"Yes."

I brought my wrist to my mouth, my fangs popping out easily in the presence of Siesta, and I cut open a vein.

"What are you doing?" she yelped, as I extended my bleeding arm towards her.

"Liquid power. Drink up."

She looked at me incredulously, and then, slowly, hesitantly, began to lap at my wound. At first reluctantly, and then with greater and greater fervor, a trickle of my blood dripping down her face as she rolled back her eyes and moaned. I withdrew my wrist from her mouth, ignoring her plaintive, kittenish mewls, and licked the vein shut. Without the support of my arm to hold onto, she slowly collapsed backwards, sitting down on a mop bucket woozily, with a huge, dopy grin on her face.

"When I see you tomorrow, I'll teach you a few of my tricks, little kitten," I said, internally cringing at the little kitten line. It just kind of slipped itself in there, and it was too late to take it back. "Until then, sit tight, and…" I ran a finger up along her throat, slipping over her jaw and onto her chin, along the thin red line of my blood that had slipped from her mouth. And then, I slowly, tenderly, slid my bloody finger between her lips, and she suckled on it like a babe at her mother's breast. "Enjoy the feeling of me inside you."

Her throaty moans followed me out of the broom closet, as I set off to defend my newest ghoul's job.

---​

It was a simple matter to get into Guiche de Gramont's room. The serving staff had keys, and I had already seduced a solid percentage of them.

The real problem, however, was that de Gramont was awake when I entered.

"You're not supposed to be in here," he said, eyes narrowed.

"Ummmm… Housekeeping?" I said, really wishing I'd thought things through a little more.

"Housekeeping staff comes during the day, when classes are in session," de Gramont said. "And they all wear maid uniforms. And, thanks to Headmaster Osmond, they're all female."

I silently promised that I was definitely going to do something nice for the headmaster when I met him. But for now, I would simply have to improvise. "I…"

"Wait, I know you," said de Gramont. "You're la Valliere's familiar. You shouldn't have access to…"

The kid had good instincts; I'd give him that. The moment he sensed danger, he leapt for his wand, lying on his floor as part of the colossal mess that really cemented this place as the room of a teenaged boy. Unfortunately for him, my first instinct was to immediately kick his wand under his bed, slamming the door shut behind me.

Swearing, the boy lunged at me, fists clenched, and I readied myself to meet him. Then I remembered two critical facts: One, I had absolutely zero combat training. And two, my entire body had the strength and coordination of a lump of wet noodles, vampire or no vampire. Thus, his fist eaily sailed past my panicked, flailing arms, and impacted solidly with my face.

I heard a crack. It wasn't from my face.

"My hand!" Guiche howled, cradling his fist. "You broke my hand with your face!"

I decided to capitalize on the opportunity, and tried to punch him, which he easily dodged. My unexpected durability had caught him off-guard, however. He backed away, fists up in a boxer's guard, stance firm. I, knowing that I had absolutely no chance in hell of holding my own in a fistfight against a member of this world's warrior nobility, who had most likely been taught unarmed combat from a young age, decided that the only way to conceivably win was to do something ridiculous and crazy. So, I lowered my head, and charged him with intent to tackle. He sidestepped, and tripped me, sending me crashing face first into the windowsill. He dragged me up from the shattered windowsill by my collar, and pinned me up against the wall, the blade edge of his forearm pressed against my throat. "Why did the Zero send you? Talk!"

I kneed him in the balls, burning blood to boost my strength. The way his eyes bugged out was gratifying, and I immediately tried to capitalize on it with an overhead double hammer fist, to smash him into the ground. Unfortunately, he stepped out of the way, and my attack made me stumble forwards, allowing him to execute a flawless side sweep that sent me tumbling to the ground.

"I'll ask you again," he said, circling me. I saw his eyes dart towards his bed, gauging his odds of retrieving his wand from under there without me exploiting the opening. "What the hell are you doing in my room?"

I couldn't beat him skill-wise. For every hit I landed, I'd take five more. Even so, he couldn't hurt me. I could probably win by endurance, but that was assuming that nobody heard the sounds of our scuffle and came to aid him. And that was a pretty big assumption. It also assumed that our fight didn't stretch out long enough to run into daylight hours, which, given the skill gap, was a very real possibility.

So, talking it was. "I came because I wanted to convince you to not try to get Siesta in trouble."

"I have absolutely no idea who that is," Guiche said, completely derailing my train of thought.

"Cute maid? Black hair?" I mimed large breasts. "None of this ringing a bell?"

"You just described half of the school's maid population, so no," Guiche said with a shrug.

"She brought you that perfume bottle? Exposed your… over-enthusiasm for romantic endeavors?" I said carefully, not wanting to poke too hard at a potential sore spot.

"Oh, that maid," Guiche said, looking surprised. "No! Of course, I wouldn't do something like that! She's part of the castle staff, she was just doing her job. She didn't do it on purpose. I'm not petty enough to take my frustrations out on an innocent woman like that, and, honestly, I'm kind of hurt that she'd think that lowly of me."

"So, I just broke into your room and fought you… for nothing?" I asked, feeling very, very foolish. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You struck against a superior opponent, even when the disparity between us became obvious, without ever faltering. All to ease the fears of a pretty girl in distress," Guiche smiled. "There are worse reasons to pick a fight, I think, and far less noble ways to go about it, too. What's your name, familiar?"

"You can call me Adrian," I said, just deciding to stick with what my parents gave me.

"And you can call me Guiche," he said, offering me his hand. "Shall we be friends?"

I took it, and, with his help, got to my feet. "Sure, why not?"

"I am curious about how you proved impervious to my blows, though."

"And I'm curious about what the hell Siesta exposed with regards to your love life, but you'll notice I'm not asking."

"Fair enough," he said with a chuckle. "Well, I'm afraid that after our little scuffle, I'm too tired for much conversation. Shall we agree to meet again tomorrow, and go our separate ways? I'm in dire need of sleep."

"Fair enough. Let's try to meet up tomorrow night, then," and with that, I made for the door. "Good night, Guiche."

"Good night, Adrian," he said in return, as the door closed behind me.

As I wandered down the corridor, I quietly pondered what in the ever-loving FUCK just happened, and simply decided to just chalk it up to the miracles of male bonding.

With that settled, I set off to find a maid. That fight had tired me as much as it had Guiche, and I was in desperate need of a bite to eat.

 

[Charles Flynn]

It didn't take long to settle into a rhythm. Every night, I rose from beneath Louise's bed, and listened to my mistress' complaints about the day. I would then leave the room with Siesta, who watched over Louise in the day, and get her perspective on things, while also trying to teach her a Discipline or two. I had already managed to teach her the most basic level of Fortitude, and I was now trying to teach her Dominate. And then, once I had bidden Siesta goodnight, I'd find a drink, and set out to arrange the ruin of my mistress' tormentors. Via public humiliation. A deep seated Dominate command to pants themselves in public here, a maid charmed into 'accidentally' revealing a colossally embarrassing secret there, and soon, the school had far more laughing-stocks to focus on than my Lady Louise.

And it was satisfying, this rhythm of mine. Manipulating the academy's social scene from behind the scenes, making my master happier… I suppose I felt happiest when I was looking out for someone. And I was most definitely looking out for Louise. Every night, her list of complaints got a little shorter.

There were some I wasn't quite ready to handle, though, like that Kirche girl. Try to act against a fire mage? No thank you. And that familiar of hers… brr. Made me shudder just to think of it.

But now, this comfortable rhythm was disrupted, as Louise frowned before me when I poked my head out from under her bed. "Familiar, do you have any sort of talent?"

"Why do you ask?" I said carefully.

"The Familiar Exhibition is coming up, and I refuse to be humiliated by that… that slattern Kirche! We are going to blow her out of the water, do you hear me?" my mistress said, gesturing wildly. "Come on, you have to have something exciting that you can do!"

I frowned. I was aware of the Exhibition, of course, but I had (perhaps foolishly) assumed that I wouldn't be attending, it being held during the day, and all. "Mistress, I can't perform at the Festival. It's during the day, remember? I could die, or fall into a coma I might never wake up from."

"Just bring an umbrella or something!" she snapped, but I could see that the thought of losing me troubled her. Her newly bolstered sense of self-esteem depended on my status as the only piece of magic she had ever (sort of) performed correctly. Losing me would bring it all crashing down. She was frightened of that, even if she responded to that fear with increased bluster.

"Mistress, my allergies are far too sensitive for a mere umbrella to suffice," I said. "I would have to be completely sealed off from the sun."

"Fine!" she snapped. "Then we'll just stick you in a box, and throw a cloth over it! How about that?"

"I… suppose that could work," I said reluctantly.

"Good. Then ready up. We're going coffin shopping, and buying you a sword while we're at it."

"A sword? Why?"

"Because you're representing me now. The familiar of a noble of my stature needs a weapon befitting his station."

I thought it over, and then sighed. She really cared about this. If I was to serve and protect her, then… perhaps I was obliged to yield to her on this matter. Besides, Siesta would be there, and I had Fortitude. If need be, I could survive long enough for her to use her Potence-enhanced strength to haul me out of danger. It was… if not safe, then within tolerable margins of risk. And, I could tell that Louise needed the recognition.

But even so, this was a terrible plan, and would only open her up to a world of humiliation, all because of one detail she clearly hadn't thought through. "Louise, if I'm in a box, how am I supposed to impress anybody?"

Her eyes widened, and then began to water as she grasped the enormous hole in her desperate plan for recognition and social standing. "You…"

"Lady Louise, there'll be other chances, I assure you of that," I said, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Stupid… Useless… DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGG!" she screamed, raising her wand. I immediately decided to be somewhere else as soon as vampirically possible.

An explosion chased me out the door.

"Should I kill her, Master?" Siesta asked, at my side immediately.

"No, no, she's just taking having one of her childhood dreams taken away from her a bit poorly. I can hardly blame her," I said. Behind me, the door to my lady's room went flying off its hinges. "Okay, maybe I can blame her a little bit. LADY LOUISE! REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYING FOR ANY DAMAGES!"

"ARGSNARFLE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHG!" she screams back, apparently having lost her capacity for coherent speech to her rage.

"Perhaps we should relocate?" I said to Siesta quietly. "The Lady Inverna will be receiving a visit from me later tonight, and we still need to work on your… persuasiveness."

Siesta nodded and followed me into our usual broom closet. "The Lady Inverna, Master? The tale of Lord Malkiss' shameful copulation with his own familiar is still circulating around the academy? Are you sure you need to start another scandal so soon? You might tip your hand."

I smiled to see that my tutelage of her in politics had paid off, then winced at the reminder of Malkiss, whose dog was slated to be executed under Brimiric law. If it had been Malkiss on the chopping block, I would have been fine, but the dog, a big, dopy golden retriever, wasn't guilty of any crime beyond trusting his master entirely too much, and perhaps being a bit too fond of peanut butter. I silently resolved that, politics be damned, I would save that shaggy brute tonight as well. The dog, at least, deserved to live.

Frowning, I focused on Siesta. "We'll need a new, suitably spectacular scandal to distract from Louise's upcoming poor performance in the Familiar Festival. Which is why I'll be priming Inverna's little… teenaged rebellion… to go off during said festival. We have our people set to deal with complications, correct?"

"Yes, Master," she said, staring up at me with starry-eyed devotion. "All shall be in accordance with your will."

"Very good, sweet kitten," I said, cupping her chin with my right hand, and running my thumb over her lips. "Very good indeed."

And I turned to go, leaving her mewling behind me. "I'll be going. Be sure to catch up on your rest."

And so I set out on my way, strolling through the halls in the dead of night.

Much as I would've liked to toy with dear Siesta some more, I had a scandal to orchestrate, and a dog to save, and could brook no delay for either.

---​

The matter of the Lady Inverna's social suicide was already half-done, it was a simple matter of finishing up bringing out the needed elements of her personality (previously repressed under fear of social censure and a sense of familial obligation,) implanting the appropriate Dominate commands, and ensuring through my network of contacts that the local circus was indeed in town, ready to leave at the drop of a hat, and sufficiently respectable that I wouldn't feel guilty sending a sheltered young lady to live amongst their number.

With that done, I set about to freeing the dog. It was, all in all, a tricky operation.

Malkiss' familiar had been locked up in a storage room with two armed guards out front as the beast awaited execution. Under Brimiric law, should any man lie with a beast, both man and beast should be killed. Unfortunately, Malkiss' family had connections, which meant he'd be going to join a monastery instead, while his poor dog had his neck broken and his body dumped in a nearby pond.

Naturally, this wouldn't stand.

But… the heist would have to be carefully done. The storage room the dog was being held in (only because everyone involved would have felt awfully silly sticking a dog in a dungeon) led into the school kitchens, which were always occupied and busy to some degree. Thus, a social approach or a frontal assault would both have far too many witnesses for my comfort. The only option, then, was to go in through the connecting wall with one of the school's unoccupied classrooms. And, fortunately for me, I was on good terms with at least one Earth Mage.

"This is insane," Guiche said, through the second of the two ski masks I'd had Siesta knit for me. "We're literally breaking the laws of man and God, here."

"Guiche, the laws of man and God went out the window the moment they decided to punish Dogfucker Malkiss by making him a priest," I pointed out. "That golden retriever in there is a pooch penetrated, a dog defiled, tricked into unnatural and ungodly relations by an intellectual superior it trusted completely. If Malkiss gets to escape punishment, then so should the dog. That poor pooch has been hard done by by humanity, and come Hell or high water, tonight, we are putting that poor dog back in the Man's Best Friendzone."

"Fine, fine, no more need for speeches," Guiche said. "I'll take down the wall for you, and put it back up."

"Good. One of the maids will be distracting the guards right now, so they shouldn't hear a thing. You can bring the wall down whenever you're ready."

Guiche did so, and my plans were immediately derailed. Because while one of the guards was still outside, being pleasantly distracted by one of my minion maids, the other one was even now inside the storage room, giving the golden retriever a tummy-rub.

"We're here to save the dog," I said, improvising immediately. "If anyone asks, you never saw us."

He nods, and I pull out a roasted leg of lamb from my gunny-sack to lure the dog over, while Guiche affixes a leash to the dog's collar.

Unfortunately, just then, the other guard opened the door to the storage room. "Hey, Clarence, you have to try these pastrie- ohmygod INTRUDERS!"

Guiche and I took this as our cue to run, the dog running excitedly alongside us, while shouts rang out behind us.

"This was a terrible idea, why did I let you talk me into this!" shouted Guiche, as we dashed down the halls, at least one guard in hot pursuit.

"Because it was the right thing to do!" I shouted back. "Left here!"

We rounded the corner, only to run right into a very mussed-looking Kirche von Zerbst bidding one of her gentleman callers goodbye.

"What on Halkegenia is going on here?" she shouted.

"No time to explain! The Man's Best Friendzone awaits!" I yelled as I continued to dash away from the guards, leaving her behind.

Finally, we reached the designated window, and I saw that my contact was there, waiting outside. I lifted up the dog by the scruff of his neck, and passed him into the smuggler's waiting arms. "You know the destination?"

"By heart," the man replied, tipping his hat and cracking his reins.

"What now?" Guiche asked.

"Now we run like hell and try to ditch our pursuers," I told him.

"That's what we always end up doing," he muttered irritably.

"Because it always works. Now come on!"

And so, we ran into the night. I made a mental note to pay one of the maids a visit before dawn, though.

I was feeling hungry.

 

[Charles Flynn]

Louise fumed with every new student that took the stage with their familiar. And with every new name that was called that wasn't hers, more eyes turned towards her. More voices were raised in mocking whispers behind her back.

I had expected this. Thus, why I had put my plan into motion. Already, I could see my schemes beginning to spring into motion, the maids under my control moving into place, the Lady Inverna nervously pacing back and forth at the very rear of the crowd with her familiar. I had done my best to boost her confidence, and ensure that her path would be smooth, but even so, Dominate, Presence, and the many courses on motivational speaking I had taken could only bring her so far. Her sense of self-preservation was screaming at her, and it was up to her to push past it, or failing that, discard the plan, and fall into line like her herd animal instincts bid her to.

But I was not worried. It was not for nothing that Lady Elanor de la Inverna had summoned a lion for her familiar. She would bear through.

And where was I to witness all this? On the second floor of the school, overlooking the ceremony in Siesta's body.

It had taken very little to convince Siesta to allow me to possess her for the day. It was risky perhaps, and hardly fair to my dear little ghoul, but I found that I could not bear to simply sleep the day away, unable to see the plan I had so thoroughly invested myself in come to fruition. Her will was easily overpowered, and now, for one day only, I walked the day once more.

I held out my hand and felt the sun play over it, relishing its soothing warmth, delighting in all the glorious sensations Siesta's body had to offer me. The soft, pleasant friction of her clothing against her skin, the smooth stone of the windowsill as I rested my arms against it, the breeze that rustled her hair…. I was awash in sensation, in the feelings that I had lost and longed for, and those I had never even realized I was missing. How dull had my Fortitude made my sense of touch, I wondered? How many little things had the dark blessings of vampirism taken away from me? Even with the unpleasant dangling weights upon her chest, and the equally unpleasant lack of a certain dangling weight between her legs, I felt happier and more alive then and there than I had in years. It would be easy, I thought to myself, to become addicted to this.

It was then, of course, that I heard the name "Elanor de la Inverna" called, and realized that, once more, my attention had slipped, caught by the sheer, unrelenting ecstasy of existing as a living human being. I would definitely be rewarding my sweet Siesta with vitae for letting me do this.

The Lady Inverna walked up to the stage, the dress she was wearing prepared with tear-away seams, the bag hanging on her shoulder containing the accessory that would prove the piece de resistance of her coming performance. Her lion, a great red-maned brute, trotted besides her.

Taking the stage she addressed her audience. "My friends. Shortly, myself and my lion will be doing tricks to entertain. But firstly, I would like to say a few words in advance."

"'In advance' is redundant when paired with 'firstly,'" I muttered, as her untrained diction triggered my inner grammarian. I noticed that her father, who lived close by to the academy, enough that he could attend the ceremony today, was frowning. He knew his daughter well enough to realize that her nervousness was a bit more than simple stage fright.

"My friends, tell me, are there not some limits to what a noblewoman can do?" said Elanor, beginning to really warm up, as passion infused her voice. "Can she marry who she truly loves? Can she pursue her own ambitions? Can she live her life free of society's call to play the subservient homemaker?"

The audience began to mumble and murmur. Whatever they expected when the lady decided to use her time on the stage for a speech, a proto-feminist thinkpiece was definitely not it. I could see her father's face begin to turn an interesting shade of purple, as his daughter rejected everything he'd ever taught her.

"Because I believe the answer is no," Elanor de la Inverna said, her wind magic carrying her voice to everyone. "And so, I REJECT MY NOBILITY, FATHER!" She grabbed the corner of the dress she was wearing, and ripped it away, revealing the outfit beneath.

It was masterfully garish and tasteless, if I dared say so myself. I had designed it with utmost care to be that way. The canary yellow shoes led into the purple, sequined trousers, which led up to the bright red shirt I had gotten off Guiche when I asked him for the single most ridiculous article of clothing he owned. Over top of that red shirt was a flashy purple overcoat, verging on turquoise, because color-coordination was a definite no-no when designing this crime against fashion. Drawing out a bright green top hat from her satchel, she put it on, even as absolute chaos swept the crowd. And so, her outfit complete, Elanor, just Elanor, stated her intent, "I! WILL JOIN! THE CIRCUS!"

It was glorious. The chaos and confusion that swept the crowd, as Elanor jumped onto her lion and dashed away, the look on her father's face, and the flawless, coordinated efficiency with which my agents "accidentally" hindered pursuit.

It would be the talk of the school for months to come, easily eclipsing any attention that Louise may have garnered through her non-performance in the Familiar Festival. And most importantly….

"Keikaku dori! Keikaku dori!" I muttered to myself, awash with the glow of victory, staggering about as I scarcely restrained my urge to dance, biting down on Siesta's finger to restrain some very un-Siesta-like cackles that threatened to break free. It was wonderful! It was mad! IT WAS ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN! Every last detail, perfect! Every last angle, covered! No deviations, and no last-minute surprises! The entire academy, puppets, dancing in lockstep upon my strings! So, THIS was what it felt like to be GOD!

I dashed back to the windowsill, seized by the urge to see how Louise would react to my plan.

She wasn't in the audience. In fact, I realized that Louise was nowhere that I could see. She must have wandered away before Elanor took the stage, must have been unable to bear the stares and the whispers. She had fled before I could deliver her.

I needed to find her, offer a consoling ear. She would need it, and I would be remiss in my service to her if I failed to comfort her. Hopefully, I would be able to find her. Now where would she…

I heard a loud thumping noise, coming from the other side of the school. Down in the chaos of the courtyard, though, it seems no one else did.

An ill feeling curdling in my gut, I raced towards it, emphatically shoving down the part of me that screamed I should be running away from danger. Because there was every likelihood that Louise was at the epicenter of whatever the hell was going on. And I couldn't leave the young girl to face it alone.

I rounded a corner, and came into sight of a titan, an enormous creature that put me in mind of Guiche's golems, if made of earth instead of bronze. And, on the ground, facing the golem, was Louise de la Valliere, casting explosions (the only sort of spell I'd ever seen her cast) at the golem. Honestly, I was rather heartened to see that she'd found a situation in which her particular breed of magic was best suited for the task at hand. I was also rather disheartened to see that she had picked a fight with an earth monster the size of a building.

"Lady Louise!" I called out. "What in the world is going on?"

"Siesta?" she shouted back, turning to look at me and leaving herself open to the titanic golem's counterstrike. "What are you…"

There was no helping it. Apologizing to Siesta within the confines of my head, I leapt from the second story window, kicking off the wall with all the strength her body could muster (considerably more than my own, especially thanks to Potence) to tackle Louise out of the way of the golem's fist. Siesta's natural athleticism and coordination managed to compensate for my mind's woeful lack of athletic training, and I bowled Louise out of the way, even as the golem's fist slammed into where she was standing before.

Unfortunately, while Siesta had a command of Fortitude (a rudimentary but existent one), Louise didn't. Being tackled by a hundred and twenty-odd pounds of maid launched at high speeds from a second-story window had, it seemed, done almost as much damage as the golem's fist would have.

"Siesta?" she muttered, clutching a clearly broken arm. "What're… Wha're…. heh, whirrrrrrr…"

All right, clearly the shock was making her loopy. And-

A dragon flew in. A literal, honest to God dragon flew in and a small figure on its back began tossing lighting at the golem.

"Louise?" a woman said behind me, and I turned to see von Zerbst. "Dear God, what happened to her?"

"I tackled her out of the way of the golem's fist," I said, trying my absolute best to sound like Siesta. "But I shouldn't have done that, I think. The impact broke her arm."

"You're a commoner," von Zerbst said, looking perplexed, even as the golem, having apparently gotten whatever it wanted from the smashed open side of the tower it was next to, lumbered away. "Why would you go to that much risk? Expose yourself to that much danger?"

Because I was actually her familiar possessing a commoner's body, and I had royally failed to look after her. But I couldn't actually say that, so instead, I went with, "Because it was the right thing to do."

That was a sufficiently Siesta-ish thing to say, wasn't it? God, I wished that I had paid more attention to those late-night acting courses I took two years ago.

It seemed to fool Kirche at least. "How… noble of you," she said after a short pause.

"Thank you, milady," I said, trying not to let the terror she inspired in me show through.

The closure of that particular fight took some time. But, at the end of it, after Louise had been treated in the infirmary, I (that is to say Siesta) was told that I should come to the headmaster's office tomorrow, to help give my account of what happened.

Which meant that I was either going to have to coach Siesta on how to answer an interrogation on events that she wasn't conscious or present for, or I would have to expend my willpower to possess her again tomorrow. Either way, fuck.

---​

That night, I looked down on myself through Siesta's eyes, and released her.

I opened my eyes to find her slumped over, having fallen onto the bed, shaking.

"Siesta," I said, and she looked at me.

"Master, I… it was so much. So much longer than you said, so many things, and you were in my body, and I couldn't… I couldn't…" She gave a keening wail, as I rose and wrapped my arms around her, feeling her warmth, and being painfully aware of how much colder and deader I now felt in comparison to the glorious warmth that was wearing her flesh. But it was her flesh, and by using it, even for a day, I had hurt her. I had taken what was fundamentally hers. And so, I wrapped my arms around her, and whispered my apologies in her ear, and comforted her as best as I could.

In time, she stopped shaking, and I took the opportunity to speak. "I am sorry, dear Siesta. It was selfish of me to ask that of you when you didn't know what it entailed. You were magnificent. Being a part of you was magnificent. But I will not ask that of you again. The Headmaster, Osmond, will call you up to his office tomorrow. He will ask you what happened. Do you remember what happened, when I used your body to save Louise from the golem?"

"Yes… no…" she looked at me, confused. "It all feels like I was dreaming. I… sort of remember doing things, pushing Lady Louise out of the way, but… it all feels distant. Like watching someone else do things."

"Well, then," I said. "Here's what you can tell them. Tell them that. Tell them that it all feels like a dream, like you were watching someone else do all those things. Tell them that your body moved on its own, without thinking. They won't think you were possessed, they'll think you're just shell-shocked. As long as you don't mention me at all, they'll simply think of you as a hero who intervened even though she was scared, behaving so bravely she couldn't even believe it was her doing it in hindsight."

"A hero? Me? But… I didn't even do anything!" she looked honestly flustered.

"Modesty! Good! Use that!" I said, with a reassuring smile. "But if they offer you a raise, don't turn it down."

"Well of course not," she said, once more reestablishing her position as my favorite ghoul. "What sort of lunatic willingly turns down a raise?"

"You'd be surprised," I said with a chuckle, pricking my own thumb with my fang. "Speaking of, I have something to give you."

She stared at the blood welling from my thumb with naked desire, scarcely even breathing.

"Go on, you've earned it," I said.

She wrapped her lips about my thumb, giving a muffled moan as she suckled from it. I stroked her hair, holding her close as she shuddered with pleasure.

"That's my girl," I whispered in her ear, and she groaned.

I left her there, passed out in Louise's bed, a shivering, blood-drunk mess, and set out into the halls, deciding to check my burgeoning network for information.

I had confirmed that it was in fact Foquet who had robbed the tower, a mage-thief who apparently robbed from the rich and gave to herself, to hear rumor tell of it, before I spotted something… interesting.

A green-haired woman, in a dress, furtively making her way back towards the school. Curious, and recognizing her from description as the Headmaster's secretary, Miss Longueville, I decided to interrogate her myself.

I waited for her behind a corner, having figured out her route in advance, and where I could ambush her with the least chance of witnesses.

"Hello there, Miss Longueville," I said as she came into view, making her jump. "Fancy meeting you here at this time of night."

"You're… you're the de la Valliere girl's familiar," Longueville said. "What are you doing here?"

"I fancied the night air," I said with a smile. "You felt much the same, I imagine. Why else would you be out at this hour? Stay. Talk with me. The night's more pleasant with company, wouldn't you agree?"

I struck out at her with a combination of Dominate and Presence. She nodded. "I suppose that's all right."

I had her. "Have you heard of what happened during the Familiar Festival?"

"No, not really," she said.

"Ah. Were you out of the school today?" I asked, my mind seizing upon that. Perhaps it was a coincidence, but perhaps…

"I… well, yes. I decided to take some time off and go shopping in the city," she said.

"An unsuccessful trip, I should imagine," I said with a nod. "Since you aren't carrying anything back with you."

"Er…" she's starting to panic, I can see. "Yes. Very unsucsessful."

I turn up the presence, even as I continue to look into her eyes. "C'mon, you can tell me the truth. Was it a lover? Family? Something… scandalous?"

"I'm Fouquet," she says, and she flinches, terrified at her own mouth for betraying her.

"Really?" I said, eyes wide, deciding to break out the big guns of Presence. "I'm a fan of your work, actually. Would you like to talk about this somewhere no one can overhear us?"

She nodded, and we soon found a suitable broom closet. And by the time she left that closet, she was my creature, body and soul, my second ghoul in this world after Siesta, completely bound to my will.

Now, what to do with her, was the question. I could have kept her for my personal use, as a thief of Fouquet's caliber was definitely someone worth having in my employ. But I could see a greater purpose for her.

My Lady Louise had been deeply injured this day, both in body and in pride. But what better way to soothe her, and turn her fortunes, than to, by the daring recapture of a stolen relic, and the thwarting of a dangerous thief, turn the Zero into a Hero?

 

[Charles Flynn]

During the day, I dreamed. I dreamed of my old world. I dreamed of… the Productivity Report.

Endless nightmares of shame and humiliation echoed through my mind, as I relived my fall from grace within the Camarilla.

And then, I woke up inside a coffin strapped to the back of a wagon.

"Lady Louise?" I called out, confused, but not yet worried to the point of terror. "Why am I in a coffin?"

"Oh, good," said a voice I recognized as belonging to Kirche von Zerbst. "Your familiar is finally awake."

"Familiar, Headmaster Osmond sent us off to recover the Staff of Destruction that Fouquet stole," Louise said. "We brought you along because Kirche said you might be useful."

Not as planned, not as planned! Why the Hell were they bringing me along? I was useless in a fight! And I'd constructed my plans on the assumption that I wouldn't be involved! How did they move me into the box without me- The nightmare! It was the nightmare that had left me unaware. Once more that goddamn performance report reached its accursed talons out to ruin my life.

Kirche. That was it. The deciding factor was Kirche. She wasn't well-known enough to me for me to properly pattern her behavior. I thought I'd built in enough flexibility to the plan to account for her variable behavior, but APPARENTLY NOT!

"Oh, well, if you wish me to, I will do my best to be of service to you, Lady Louise," I said with my most refined sycophantic tone. "If the sun is down, of course."

"Sun's down," Kirche called.

"Ah, well then, if it's not too much trouble, could you get me out of the coffin?"

"You- YOU CAN'T GET OUT ON YOUR OWN?" Louise asked, flabbergasted. "And it's not a coffin, it's a BOX!"

"I mean, aren't coffins just wooden boxes you stick bodies in?" Kirche asked. "I mean, it's made of wood, and we did stick his body in there. And we did purchase it from the local coffin maker."

"Shut up, Kirche," Louise said, as the wagon came to a stop.

"This is where my source reports seeing Fouquet," Longueville said.

"Fine, let's go," Louise said, and I heard them get out of the wagon. They didn't untie my coffin from the wagon, though.

"Err, Lady Louise? You haven't let me out, though," I said, as I heard them walk away. "These things really aren't designed to open from inside, milady, and I'm not very strong physically, so…"

I could feel them looking at me with… scorn? Pity? Hard to tell.

Then, they just left me there. In the box.

"Lady Louise? Are you still there?" I called out. "Hello? Anyone?"

This was perfect! As long as I just stayed in the box, I couldn't accidentally muck up my own plans with my presence! The ambush would proceed as planned, with Fouquet, under my control, leading them to the building, and then subtly throwing the fight.

"Oh, Master?" said Longueville. I could hear her just outside the coffin I was locked in. And then, I felt myself fall to the ground as Longueville loosed the ropes tying my coffin to the wagon. I hit the ground with a dull thud.

"Good work. No need to release me, though. I have no part to play in the plan to come. You, on the other hand, have your own role to play. Get to it."

"Oh, but sir," she said, her voice honey-sweet. "I forgot to mention two things last night! The first is… how did he put it? Oh, yes! You can only be affected by one blood bond at a time."

What? I never told her about what blood bonds were-

"The second is that my real Master taught me how to fake being affected by Dominate a long time ago," she said, making my blood dip beneath its usual room temperature. "I'll be back for you in a bit. But for now, enjoy resting beneath the earth, Vampire."

I felt myself dropping again, heard the earth closing around me, and… It finally dawned on me that I had been completely outfoxed. By a ghoul. Oh, God in Heaven, it was Siberia all over again. The blood bond would trump my Presence entrancement, and the previously extant blood bond would overcome my more recent attempt. A strong will could cause my Dominate to fail, especially once I bespelled her into revealing her true identity, and she was on guard, and her acting skills would have convinced me she was under my thrall. Oh, fuck, I had given away so much information!

But I didn't panic. I didn't falter. I began burning through my vitae, using it to boost my strength and dexterity to their absolute limit. It took me about a minute to bring myself up to maximum, and cost me over half the blood in my system.

I was the captain of my fate. I was the master of my soul. And so, even in these admittedly desperate circumstances, wherein I found myself buried at least ten feet beneath the earth, and with the young girl I had appointed my current protectorate in danger, I planned. Even with my blood-boosted strength, I couldn't dig my way out of this quickly enough to make a difference in the fight. And so, I took a different tactic. I called upon my mastery of the Discipline of Presence. The greatest power of that Discipline which I had ever mastered was the Beckoning. It allowed me to call any mortal I'd ever met towards me, making them remove any obstacles in the way, if I was successful enough in my activation of it. It was especially easy to use if I'd used Presence on the target before, and… Last night, I had used a lot of Presence on Fouquet. I didn't think all of it had missed.

And so, I called her. Filled her mind with a longing to see me face to face. And once I'd fired off the discipline, I held my breath (not I was actually breathing to start with) and prayed.

I felt my coffin move and prepared myself. I had one weapon I could reliably use against her, the Blood Kiss, and so I thought of Siesta to get my fangs out. That done, I prepared to break free.

I was on the surface, now. I felt my coffin flip up to stand vertically, pointing my head towards the sky, and I heard Fouquet say in front of me, just outside the coffin door, "Why… did I do that?"

I ripped my way out of the coffin with a single lunge and sank my teeth into her neck. She struggled, a bit, but my boosted strength and the narcotic effect of the Kiss stifled her resistance until she finally, blissfully, relaxed in my arms with a sigh as I drained every last drop of blood from her body. Soon, it was over, and I delighted in the high of her blood.

Suddenly, as the high of the Kiss faded, and I regained my clarity, it occurred to me that Fouquet wasn't in a maid costume when I drank all her blood, so my clan curse was about to give me Hell, and, far more importantly, I had just drunk all of a woman's blood in full view of a very horrified Louise de la Valliere. Kirche and Tabitha were both stood at the ready, wands pointed towards me, but Louise… Louise just stared at me, shock and nausea warring on her face.

"Louishe, I can exshplain," I said, forgetting for a moment that my mouth was still full of Foquet. I dropped her, feeling vaguely like a dog who has just brought a dead squirrel into the house and is about to be scolded for it, and readied a rhetorical masterpiece to convince them all that I was not in fact a vampire, when I felt my stomach rumble unpleasantly. "Oh, God."

And then I began messily vomiting blood onto Foquet's corpse until my stomach was completely and utterly voided.

"Familiar," Louise said, calmer and more dangerous than I had ever heard her. "We are going to have to have a talk."

"You know, I'm very fond of talking," I said with a sickly smile, blood dripping down my chin.

"Kirche and Tabitha will be there to help me kill you if you try anything funny."

"That's fair." And so, my night, already miserable, hit rock bottom.

 

[pingas plight]

hit rock bottom

Click to shrink...

At least the coffin didn't!

rimshot

 

[Charles Flynn]

Masquerade Breach. That was the term for what I had just done, back in my old world. I had exposed my nature as a vampire, in front of mortal witnesses. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought, although that might have been a consequence of vomiting up so much blood.

"So," said Louise, seated in front of the campfire, staring at me with caution. Her attempts at an intimidating glare were unpolished, but the fact that both Kirche and Tabitha's pet dragon were situated behind me, ready to kill me if I tried anything, leant a certain edge of menace to Louise's implied threats. "What are you? You drink blood, but when I summoned you, you didn't burn. You both can't be a vampire and can't be anything but a vampire."

"I'm a vampire," I admitted, deciding that the jig was up completely. If they decided to kill me, I would probably die. And so, I would have to be very, very cautious, and present myself in the best possible light. Honesty, or at least the outward appearance of honesty, was the first, crucial step for that. "I just have an extremely enhanced resistance to all forms of harm, including sunlight. That let me survive long enough to get out of the sun." I paused, then decided to go for it. "If it helps, before I killed Fouquet, I hadn't killed anybody since you summoned me. Or… ever, really…." I stopped, staring into the distance in horror. "Oh my God, I killed somebody. Oh my God, I killed somebody."

And, as I truly processed what had transpired, I was assailed by an overpowering sense of guilt. I hadn't even thought of it. She was dead. A human being was dead, because of me.

I started dry heaving, as I realized that, for the first time, I was no better than BENNY.

"What are you- Oh, for the Founder's sake, get a hold of yourself!" Louise snapped. "And… this! All of this! You act nothing like a vampire! You're completely useless, and!"

"Well, you did summon him," Kirche said from behind me. "So, a certain degree of uselessness is expected."

"Shut up!" Louise shouted, before returning her attention to me. "So. What can you do, and where did I summon you from? Because, according to the history books, vampires have been extinct since the last Vampire War at the end of the Blood Millennium. Where were you hiding, when I summoned you?"

"I don't know what you're even talking about," I said honestly. "I'm from a country you wouldn't know the name of, in a world entirely different from this one. I don't know how you guys have vampires here, but…" and here I took a gamble. "You pretty clearly still do have some vampires around. Fouquet knew some things that only a vampire could tell her about how my powers of mental control worked, and she resisted my control in ways that only someone who was under the thrall of another vampire could manage."

"You can control people's minds?" Louise asked, and I cursed myself for my recklessness. "Have you been controlling me?"

"No. Trust me, if I had been, you probably wouldn't be able to be asking me these questions. I'm very good at it. It's basically the only one of my Disciplines besides Fortitude that I'm good at."

"How do I know that you're not lying?" she asked, looking at me through narrowed eyes.

"You don't, but, then again, there haven't been any bloodless corpses reported around school, have there?" I pointed out.

"What do you want?" Louise demanded, after a long, dangerous pause. "What have you been up to? You have to have some sort of agenda, so what is it?"

"I want to drink the blood of cute girls in maid uniforms," I told her, and my word did her jaw drop!

"Y-You wha?"

"I want to drink the blood of cute girls in maid uniforms," I repeated. "Drinking blood is quite satisfying for me, and I can only drink the blood of cute girls in maid uniforms. If I drink the blood of literally anyone else, I wind up vomiting it out, like with Foquet."

"Bullshit," said Kirche.

"You literally just saw me vomit up ten liters of blood," I said, irritated. "Do you honestly think I did that on purpose? If I could have used that blood, I would've kept it!"

"Well," and Louise steeled her face, pushing past some unknown fear. "Prove it, then."

And she held out her arm.

"What are you doing?" Kirche and I asked in harmony.

"If you drink my blood, and throw it up, that'd prove your claims, right? More so if you do it without taking enough blood to hurt me."

"That's a terrible idea!" Kirche and I shouted in unison, before looking at each other indignantly

"Louise, what if his bite turns you into a vampire? Or he drinks all your blood to free himself from the familiar contract?" Kirche asked, worried.

"Okay, first off, vampirism doesn't work like that, second off, I really don't want to drink your blood," I said. "Vomiting blood up really, really hurts, and I don't want to do that again so recently after Fouquet."

"Okay, now I think you should do it," Kirche said.

"What? WHY?" I shouted, feeling thoroughly betrayed.

"Because now I think you're hiding something from us, and you biting Louise will somehow reveal it," Kirche said, the damn, detestable Germanian witch smirking at me as she spoke.

"What, no, I," I stopped, as flames began to spark from Kirche's hand. "Okay, whatever you want."

"And if you drink enough to hurt her, I'll kill you, got it?" Kirche said.

I moved into position, closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and tried to get my fangs out.

"Why aren't you biting already?" Louise asked, irritated.

"Look, my fangs have a mind of their own, okay? They only come out when I'm in a certain state of mind."

"And… I'm not enough to put you in that state of mind?" Louise asked, an ugly undertone that hinted of unimaginable pain in her voice. "Is that correct, Familiar?"

"You're not wearing a maid uniform, so yes," I said, my anger beginning to slip its chain. "And, admittedly, the thought that I'm under the constant threat of death right now, along with how I just threw up and am now setting myself up to hurl blood again are all combining to make my canines retract all the way up into my forehead right now."

"Try harder," she insisted.

I dismissed the thought of Louise. I dismissed the thought of Kirche, and Tabitha, of the campfire, of everything but the picture in my mind. And I pictured Siesta. She was the vessel I knew best, and, as a consequence, the easiest to imagine. I saw her neck before me, and I remembered the taste of her blood, that sweet ecstasy in liquid form, like happiness trapped in honeycomb, infused with the slightest hint of lavender. She was before me, her neck bared, and I would drink so deeply of her, and-

My fangs popped out, and I bit down.

The taste that assaulted my palate was at once musty and bland, like eating tofu that had been left out long enough that it was absolutely coated in greenish-blue fungus. I gagged, even as the blood entered my stomach, not long to stay.

And then, nauseated, unable to endure another drop of the vile stuff, I released Louise's arm, licking the wound clean on autopilot, and then vomited blood.

The process was agonizing, and I think I even yakked up some of my stomach lining, so powerful were the convulsions that wracked me.

"There," I finally croaked out. "Are you happy?"

Louise looked flushed, and dizzy. ""Ah? Um- Huh. Uhm, yeah?"

"That was actually painful to watch," Kirche said. "Well, I suppose that does back up his claims. Vampire or not, he's your Familiar. If you want to keep him alive, Tabitha and I will abide by it. Even keep his nature a secret, if you so choose."

"That… sounds great?" Louise said, with a dopy grin on her face. "Stupid Kirche. Why're… why're there five of you? That's too many, you silly cow."

And with that, she keeled over unconscious, happy grin still on her face.

"Don't look at me," I said defensively, as both Kirche and Tabitha looked at me accusingly. "I took as little blood as I possibly could. You can see by how little I just vomited up. She's just apparently an absolute lightweight when it comes to my bite's effects on people."

Please believe me, please believe me…

"Fine. Get in the wagon, Familiar," Kirche said with a sigh. "Just remember. Even if we don't tell the Headmaster what you are, we'll be watching you. If even one person goes missing…"

"You light me up. Got it," I said. "So, do you have a plan for what you'll tell the Headmaster?"

Kirche and Tabitha looked at each other, uncertain.

"Well, in that case, do you mind if I take the lead?" I asked. "I have a lot of experience coming up with flattering after-action reports."

Kirche sighed. "Sure. Prove your usefulness."

---​

"And then, having destroyed the titanic construct with her unrelenting barrage of explosions, my mighty mistress collapsed, having expended every last drop of Willpower in service to her alma mater," I said, as the faculty around me wept and applauded at my rendition of my lady's supposed heroics. Kirche, beside me, looked incredulous. (Admittedly, Presence helped, but since she wasn't being blasted by it, she had no way of knowing) "And, as the Ladies Kirche and Tabitha sallied forward, to retrieve the lost Staff of Destruction, Fouquet rose from the earth, looming over my mistress, unseen by all save myself. And as she raised her blade, to enact her final spite against the one who had thwarted her, I, who had been ignored by dint of my common stature, drew my blade and struck from behind to save the Lady Louise! My sword cut clean through Fouquet's neck, sending her head tumbling.to the ground!"

"Truly, you must be possessed of some martial skill, then, to have so swiftly decapitated the thief," Professor Colbert said.

"Only the strength of desperation, and the skill of being ignored," I said modestly. "And it was after I had peeled back the thief's attire that I learned just how the thief had so easily bypassed the vault's security, and so effortlessly ambushed us! For beneath that mask, I saw the face… of MISS LONGUEVILLE!"

"The Headmaster's secretary?" Kaita the Gust said with an appropriately dramatic gasp.

"The very same," I said with a heartfelt sigh. "It seems, Headmaster Osmond, that she was playing us all for fools from the very beginning."

"A shame," the Headmaster said, puffing sorrowfully on his pipe. "She had an absolutely spectacular ass."

I tried not to visibly react, even ass as Tabitha's eyes widened, and Kirche dissolved into a coughing fit.

"In any case, your deeds of heroism will surely be honored by the Crown, and I'll send word to the capital of these doings," Osmond said. He left unsaid that a team would be sent to verify our claims, just as I left unsaid that, with Kirche and Tabitha's help, I had ensured our story was airtight. Kirche had been the one to decapitate Fouquet's corpse, not me, but even so, we'd left everything as I had described it.

We were in the clear.

---​

"So, what now?" Kirche asked, as we headed down the stairs.

"Go to sleep or follow me around if you want, I don't care. But, as for me," I paused, letting the exhaustion of the day sweep over me, along with my gnawing hunger. "I need a fucking drink."

And so saying, I stormed off, to feast on the blood of the innocent, or at least the blood of cute girls in maid costumes, innocence optional.

 

[Charles Flynn]

"I'm going to need to visit the capitol," I said to my Lady, after I had risen from beneath her bed that night.

"Why?" Louise asked, looking at me with suspicion.

"Because I need to figure out how widespread the local vampires are. If it's just one or two transplants like me, if it's recent, then there won't be any vampires in Tristania. But if your… last Vampire War, was it?" At her nod of confirmation, I went on. "If any vampires survived the last Vampire War, then they'll have multiplied. Where there's one vampire, there's the capacity to make more vampires. And those vampires, when they get sick of their creator lording over them, will inevitably go off their own way to find a territory of their own, where they can be top dog. And once they're there, they make more vampires. Repeat ad infinitum."

"So, if there are more vampires in Tristania…" Louise began hesitantly.

"Then they'll definitely have established some sort of society. Complete with a social hierarchy. In that event, I'll need to introduce myself, and establish my current territory."

"Why? They're just monsters," she said.

"Monsters that were once human," I countered. "With human intellects, and human need for company, companionship, and cooperation."

"You're not denying that you're a monster," she said, looking… surprised.

"Lady Louise, no matter how you pretty it up, I'm an undead cannibal on a liquid diet. I eat people. Even if it's only a liter or two at a time, I subsist on the substance of other people's bodies. I'm a monster. I try not to be evil, but I'm still far from being human."

"That's… sad," she said after a long pause.

"I'm used to it," I said. "And the importance of this is that, as a vampire, I can discover more about the local equivalent to undead society than a human could manage. I know… some of the etiquette. I know the best places to look. And, of course, I don't have a pulse, and am, you know, a vampire. That helps."

"Fine," she said after a pause. "But only if you let me buy you a sword first."

"Louise, I don't know how to use a sword."

"That doesn't matter, though!" she said. "If this is anything like presenting yourself to a local noble whose territory you're passing through, you'll want to have something to show off that you're important, and can defend yourself. If you were a noble, I'd say it would be a wand, but you can't use magic, so it would have to be a sword, then."

"A sign of status, then," I said with a slow nod. "Alright, you've convinced me."

She grinned. "When should we go, then?"

"If you don't mind carting my coffin around, we could make the trip during the day," I offered up.

Then, we got into the details.

---​

The next Void's Day night, I awoke in Tristania, the unimaginatively named capital of Tristain, with my coffin already opened.

"Oh, good," Louise said. "You're finally awake." She stifled a yawn. "Let's get this over with quickly, so I can go to bed at the inn I rented a room in, and you can go on to investigate your kind's answer to high society."

"As you would have it, milady," I said, bowing my head deferentially.

The streets of Tristainia were relatively safe at night, or at least, the parts that Louise led me through were. Of course, it was only about an hour after dark. The real scum of the night wouldn't be out for a bit longer. Not when there was enough light left in the sky to make my skin itch.

The weapons shop was illuminated by a hooded lantern and looked to be in the process of closing up. But the proprietor, an absolute slimeball of a man, was very eager to greet us. "Oh, Lady de la Valliere! You've come just in the nick of time! I was just closing up. Is this the familiar you mentioned earlier?"

"I most certainly am," I said, with my patented charming smile. "I'm eager to see what wares you have to offer me."

He ushered us inside, and we were looking over some gaudy show pieces when a voice called out, and utterly derailed all of my plans for the night.

"Caine? Caine, is that you? It's been years! Get over here, you old son of a gun!"

I slowly, slowly turned my head to look at where the voice was coming from. It was an old, and rusted thing, vibrating in its sheath as it talked.

"It's been four thousand years, old man! You could have at least written me a letter! What? I know that the whole 'writing' thing is a bit of a new invention for you, but you've got to get with the times, man! Sasha's kids are doing it, heck, even Brimir's Church finally started putting the words down on paper after one or two generations. Barely anything lost!" the sword hums pleasantly. "Oh, do you know about Sasha's kids? I think they ate her, actually, it was all very unclear. Come on! Buy me! We can reminisce about old times!"

My eyes were bulging out of their sockets. My heart had started beating again out of sheer stress. I could feel my blood run cold… er.

"How do you know that name?" I asked, my heart pounding in my ears.

"Because… hold on, you're not Caine," the sword said, sounding disappointed. "Sorry. You just looked a lot like him to me, what with the similar body temperatures and familiar runes and whatnot."

Holy shit. Holy shit! HOLY SHIT! My body was trembling, my Beast shuddering within me at the enormity of what lay before me, but I locked it down. Calm. I was calm. Gravitas.

I immediately looked the proprietor in the eyes and Dominated him. "You're going to go get stinking drunk and forget tonight ever happened. For that matter, you're going to forget about everything to do with that sword, understood?" I tossed him a meager pouch of coin. "Here's your drinking money. Now go. Go and forget."

"Familiar, what are you doing?" Louise asked, concerned.

"Remember what I said about the local vampires' society? Forget all about it. This blade is worth a thousand times as much as anything a local vampire can tell me. It is… Louise, it knows the name of the first vampire. More than that, it speaks of him as an old friend. I'm taking it home with us. As a matter of fact, we need to get back to the academy, now. I don't feel safe having something that valuable in my position in anywhere that isn't my current center of power."

She paused, thinking it over. "How valuable do you think it is?"

"Worth as much as this city. Maybe even this entire country. I knew Kindred in my old world who would yank the very teeth out of their mouths to own this. We need to grab it and go."

"Fine," she said after a moment's thought. "But only because the awards ceremony is tomorrow."

And so, around midnight, we made our escape from the capital of Tristain, a hastily Dominated carriage driver driving us out as I clutched the priceless sword to my chest.

"Sword, what's your name? Mine's Adrian."

"Derflinger. I have a feeling that knowing you is going to be interesting."

"The feeling's mutual," I said, even as I watched the scenery fly by. "So, how did you know Caine?"

"Ah, well, that's quite the story," Deflinger said. "It all started a long time ago, when…"

 

[pingas plight]

"It all started a long time ago, when…"

Click to shrink...

"...When he... Wait, no, hold on, I swear I know it, but most of my memory is filled with that admittedly brutish but fine rock-club of his..."

"BY GOD'S NAME YOU WORTHLESS SLAG OF STEEL I COMMAND YOU TELL ME!"

"Sheesh, talk abo- OH, that's right! He just got punished by Big G and I was thrown at him! Apparently, I messed up his blood and turned him into the bloodsucker you are."