Smells Like Butterknife Spirit
darthcourt10
Well worn.
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Yellowhammer
Smells Like Butterknife Spirit
Castle Moulbaix, Belgium
June 1st, 2014
Claire du Chasteler hummed thoughtfully to herself as she headed up to her room from the kitchen to change out of her pajamas.
As she entered, a misty rain pattered the window and she hummed a brief chordal sequence from Rossini's storm movement from William Tell as she watched the rain fall, turning the grounds outside to a monochrome gray.
She then frowned, for while Rossini was majestic and certainly gave meaning and color to such an event, this rain was not powerful and hammering, but just there. A melancholy rain that seemed to bleach out the world with its existence.
Confusing....
With that insight her face lit up and she dug through her dresser until at the back she found an old, worn white T-shirt. She gently stroked the faded image on it of a young boy in a swimming pool swimming toward a dollar bill.
Her mahogany eyes teared up as she remembered the first time that she had worn this.
Pukkelpop Music Festival
Hasselt, Belgium
1991
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." Mother said in that Mother-voice filled with concern and care for her.
Claire shook her head, even as she shivered a little as a group of rowdy college students passed her, reeking of alcohol and some kind of acrid tobacco. "I do want to, Mother."
Mother sighed. "I don''t understand you sometimes, Claire." She paused to give a tattooed boy a threatening look as he made his way toward them. He changed course at the unspoken promise of trouble in her look.
Claire nodded. "I know, it's confusing me too." Her voice was small and shy and her fingers twitched as they finally found a spot to stand in the crowd. "People confuse me," she whispered to herself.
She wished that they came with musical notation, or at least spoke to her like the great composers did in their interpretations of the essence of what it was to exist.
A voice blasted from the loudspeakers, drowned out by the cheers of the crowd periodically. "For our nex--- ---band all the way from Seattl---- ----ive it up for Nirv----"
"Life's confusing, Mother...." Claire whispered as the guitars and then drums from the new band on stage started to play.
"Load up on guns, bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over-bored and self-assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word"
As the thunder of the instruments faded to a relative hush, the lanky blond-haired singer spoke words that somehow touched her very being. They were confusing, but life was confusing and messy. Somehow she sensed that this song spoke to her what confusion and uncertainty and not knowing what to do really was. That the seeming nonsense made sense of what she was learning about the world.
"I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end"
Swept up in the emotions of the moment she began to clumsily dance along with the song and the crowd as the chorus hammered her with harsh, almost violent chords and words.
"Hello, hello, hello, hello
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello
With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido"
She felt confused and uncertain and alone, true.
But it was fine for she was not the only confused and uncertain and alone person in the world.
Others were like her looking for connections, for meaning, for what Mother had with her sisters Aunt Jackie, Aunt Del, and Aunt Zamarad.
Mother was so happy being a Big Sister, maybe she could be a Big Sister too someday.
She might like being a Big Sister if a suitable Little Sister could be found.
"And I forget, just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind"
Claire's hair flew around her face as she danced, one of the thousands engraving the memory on her heart.
She lost track of time, of everything around her, of all her shyness and worries and trouble communicating as a girl. The only thing that existed in her world was the music and her.
Her spirit was engraving each drumbeat, each guitar chord, each word on her heart to join the other great pieces of music collected there.
Each one speaking to the human condition. Each one speaking to her in its own way.
On the way out, Claire spotted a stall selling Nirvana tour merchandise. After one look at her joyfully smiling daughter's eyes, Colombe sighed and pulled out her wallet to buy Claire a Nevermind tour T-shirt.
----------------------------------
Claire pulled on the old and worn T-shirt over her bra and tucked it into her blue jeans.
Spoiler: The T-shirt
She was much less confused now, and was a Big Piano Sister like she wanted to be.
And it was as fun as Mother's being a Big Sister was.
And she understood much more as she learned song after song.
Truly there was music to express everything in the world.
But sometimes you needed to return to your roots, return to your early moments to honor the person you were who became the person that you are.
And while she had outgrown her confused grunge phase, she could still pretend to be the young piano listening to the radio, and hearing of a rock festival nearby that mother could take her to.
A festival where she heard a song that spoke to her heart.
Her fingers found her keys and she began to play from memory as she stared at the falling gray rain spattering her window and thought.
Because while everyone died sooner or later, music and beauty would endure in some form.
Spoiler: Anthem Of A Generation
Ehren silently entered and sat in a chair, listening to her sister play the music written by a tormented young musical genius who in the end flew too close to the sun.
As she began the song engraved on her heart again, Claire gifted her beloved Little Dagger Sister with a warm smile, and began to sing the words for her.
"A denial, a denial
A denial, a denial...."
Smells Like Butterknife Spirit
Castle Moulbaix, Belgium
June 1st, 2014
Claire du Chasteler hummed thoughtfully to herself as she headed up to her room from the kitchen to change out of her pajamas.
As she entered, a misty rain pattered the window and she hummed a brief chordal sequence from Rossini's storm movement from William Tell as she watched the rain fall, turning the grounds outside to a monochrome gray.
She then frowned, for while Rossini was majestic and certainly gave meaning and color to such an event, this rain was not powerful and hammering, but just there. A melancholy rain that seemed to bleach out the world with its existence.
Confusing....
With that insight her face lit up and she dug through her dresser until at the back she found an old, worn white T-shirt. She gently stroked the faded image on it of a young boy in a swimming pool swimming toward a dollar bill.
Her mahogany eyes teared up as she remembered the first time that she had worn this.
Pukkelpop Music Festival
Hasselt, Belgium
1991
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." Mother said in that Mother-voice filled with concern and care for her.
Claire shook her head, even as she shivered a little as a group of rowdy college students passed her, reeking of alcohol and some kind of acrid tobacco. "I do want to, Mother."
Mother sighed. "I don''t understand you sometimes, Claire." She paused to give a tattooed boy a threatening look as he made his way toward them. He changed course at the unspoken promise of trouble in her look.
Claire nodded. "I know, it's confusing me too." Her voice was small and shy and her fingers twitched as they finally found a spot to stand in the crowd. "People confuse me," she whispered to herself.
She wished that they came with musical notation, or at least spoke to her like the great composers did in their interpretations of the essence of what it was to exist.
A voice blasted from the loudspeakers, drowned out by the cheers of the crowd periodically. "For our nex--- ---band all the way from Seattl---- ----ive it up for Nirv----"
"Life's confusing, Mother...." Claire whispered as the guitars and then drums from the new band on stage started to play.
"Load up on guns, bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over-bored and self-assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word"
As the thunder of the instruments faded to a relative hush, the lanky blond-haired singer spoke words that somehow touched her very being. They were confusing, but life was confusing and messy. Somehow she sensed that this song spoke to her what confusion and uncertainty and not knowing what to do really was. That the seeming nonsense made sense of what she was learning about the world.
"I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end"
Swept up in the emotions of the moment she began to clumsily dance along with the song and the crowd as the chorus hammered her with harsh, almost violent chords and words.
"Hello, hello, hello, hello
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello
With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido"
She felt confused and uncertain and alone, true.
But it was fine for she was not the only confused and uncertain and alone person in the world.
Others were like her looking for connections, for meaning, for what Mother had with her sisters Aunt Jackie, Aunt Del, and Aunt Zamarad.
Mother was so happy being a Big Sister, maybe she could be a Big Sister too someday.
She might like being a Big Sister if a suitable Little Sister could be found.
"And I forget, just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it's hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind"
Claire's hair flew around her face as she danced, one of the thousands engraving the memory on her heart.
She lost track of time, of everything around her, of all her shyness and worries and trouble communicating as a girl. The only thing that existed in her world was the music and her.
Her spirit was engraving each drumbeat, each guitar chord, each word on her heart to join the other great pieces of music collected there.
Each one speaking to the human condition. Each one speaking to her in its own way.
On the way out, Claire spotted a stall selling Nirvana tour merchandise. After one look at her joyfully smiling daughter's eyes, Colombe sighed and pulled out her wallet to buy Claire a Nevermind tour T-shirt.
----------------------------------
Claire pulled on the old and worn T-shirt over her bra and tucked it into her blue jeans.
Spoiler: The T-shirt

She was much less confused now, and was a Big Piano Sister like she wanted to be.
And it was as fun as Mother's being a Big Sister was.
And she understood much more as she learned song after song.
Truly there was music to express everything in the world.
But sometimes you needed to return to your roots, return to your early moments to honor the person you were who became the person that you are.
And while she had outgrown her confused grunge phase, she could still pretend to be the young piano listening to the radio, and hearing of a rock festival nearby that mother could take her to.
A festival where she heard a song that spoke to her heart.
Her fingers found her keys and she began to play from memory as she stared at the falling gray rain spattering her window and thought.
Because while everyone died sooner or later, music and beauty would endure in some form.
Spoiler: Anthem Of A Generation
Ehren silently entered and sat in a chair, listening to her sister play the music written by a tormented young musical genius who in the end flew too close to the sun.
As she began the song engraved on her heart again, Claire gifted her beloved Little Dagger Sister with a warm smile, and began to sing the words for her.
"A denial, a denial
A denial, a denial...."