Duryodhana materializes a wicked, flanged mace in his hands and then strikes a great bronze gong with enough force to deform it. "Let the battle... BEGIN!"
And just like that, everything goes straight to Hell. Galahad steps up to cover me as both Arjuna and Karna Archer open fire, turning the stadium into a flame-scarred wasteland, while Karna Lancer, Karna Rider, and Ashwatthama all charge us.
'
All Servants, whatever you do, don't let them get to melee with you! ' Oh, GOD, why did I bring two assassins instead of one of my heavy hitters? It's just Arash, Cursed Arm, Yan, Medea, Georgios, and... Medusa. Actually, those last two might be able to pull this off. '
Medusa, Georgios, you're on intercept duty. STOP THEM! Cursed Arm, I sincerely doubt that your Zabaniya will work, here, but feel free to try. Yan, you're on distraction duty. Fan the fog of war, shapeshift into Duryodhana, start confusing them.' Medusa sheds her blindfold and meets Karna Lancer head-on, ducking beneath the swings of his lance to try and stab him in the leg with her spiked chain. It's utterly ineffective. Meanwhile, Georgios is trading blows with Karna Rider, and Ashwatthama...
shit, he's an Archer. '
Arash, sniper duel Ashwatthama, try not to die.'
Robin and Billy are helping as best they can, shooting at Ashwatthama to keep him distracted. He actually dodges. Wait, that's right! He's the only one on the enemy's side that
isn't indestructible! Oh my god, YES! I can work with this!
But still, I have no idea how we can win this one. We're way too underpowered to take down someone like Karna, much less three of him.
"Flynn, please tell me you have a plan," Galahad says with a grunt as he deflects yet
another stray flaming arrow away from me.
"I..." I turn to Medea, who's crouching down besides me. "Teacher, do you have anything that could work here?"
"No. Perhaps Rule Breaker might work, but only if I can actually penetrate their hides."
Hm. "Duryodhana might be vulnerable to that, actually. His invulnerability has a weak point. If you hit him there, we can take him down." Wait... I look around the battlefield, seeing my Servants running their delaying action, and Karna Archer and Arjuna trading shots that could destroy city blocks, but I don't see the enemy's leader. "Hold on, where's Duryodhana?"
"Right here!" the King of the Kauravas announces from behind me. "So, go on, what was that you were saying about your guru stabbing me where I'm weak?"
"That it would be dishonorable, Bhima-like cowardice, and we should under no circumstances do it?" I offer hesitantly, hating my voice for how it squeaks as I look up at him. He's smiling jovially as he stands behind us, mace in hand, well within striking range. He could kill any of us from where he's standing. And we both know it.
"Good lad," he says with a laugh, slapping me on the back. "Oh, come off it, boy, I'm not going to kill you. I've had more than enough of dishonorable backstabbing. This'll be a clean fight if I have anything to say about it!"
"So, you're not going for any dishonorable tactics?" I ask after I convince myself that this is actually happening.
"No, no, not unless you lot resort to cheating first," he assures me, tossing an arm over my shoulder. "But I'm sure that such a fine, upstanding young man such as yourself wouldn't even
think of doing anything dishonorable."
"Y-Yeah, no, nothing dishonorable going on here," I babble, feeling the blood drain from my face. "Never do anything even remotely dishonorable, I wouldn't! Good old Honorable Charlie, that's me, all right!"
Galahad just gives me a
look.
'
Shut up, he's a very scary man.' I hiss at him over the mental link.
Suddenly, there's a great shout, and I stare in disbelief as Georgios actually manages to
push Karna Rider back. Not that I'm complaining, but how did that happen?
Then Geronimo steps up. "TSEGO DEGI NALEYA!"
The giant, fiery coyote actually slams Karna Rider back into the edge of the stadium.
"KARNA!" Duryodhana shouts, backhanding Medea into the nearest wall before dashing towards his friend.
'
Medea? Are you okay?'
'
Everything hurts right now.' she replies.
'
Well, at least you're still alive.' I offer up as consolation.
Karna Rider's already getting back up, no worse for the wear, when Duryodhana reaches him.
"Apologies, my king. I have failed most shamefully to defeat the enemy swiftly." Karna Rider says, his head low. "If I could use my Noble Phantasm at the moment, I would have already crushed our foes in the blink of an eye. But I cannot steer my chariot and attack at the same time."
"If that is all that impedes you, my friend," Duryodhana says. "Then I will be your charioteer!"
"My king, there is no need to demean yourself by acting below your station for
my sake!" Karna protests.
"My friend, you are gravely mistaken if you think that fighting beside you could be anything less than the highest of honors!" Duryodhana says, a broad smile splitting his face. "Now call your chariot, and we will end this battle!"
Oh no.
Things go rapidly downhill from there. Karna Rider's 'chariot' turns out to be some sort of Ancient Indian
spaceship, and my Servants start dropping as the arrows start flying.
Soon, it's just me and Galahad left. And Arjuna, who's still dueling Karna Archer.
"So, any last-second Hail Mary's?" I ask desperately, as the four Kaurava Servants not fighting Arjuna all converge on us.
"I'm afraid not," Galahad answers. I had a feeling that was the case, but I still had to ask.
"Well," I sigh. "I suppose that if I have to die besides somebody, you're not all that bad a choice."
The crowd
roars as Archer Karna finally gets a lucky shot in, and Arjuna goes down.
"Same here," Galahad admits, his eyes already anticipating the first blow. "It was an honor, Flynn. I'm sorry we couldn't make it to the end."
The five Servants stop thirty feet away from us, and I suddenly hear clapping.
"Well, how the tables have turned," Thomas Edison gloats, walking out into the stadium. "You tried your best to stop us, Master of Chaldea. But, in spite of your treason, AMERICA WILL ENDURE!"
"Yeah," I shout, deciding that, fuck it, if I'm dying here, I'm doing it as I lived: Pissing off everyone around me. "In
your image, ya filthy Commy!"
"No matter what you say, I will SAVE MY COUNTRY! No matter what the cost, I will- Wait, WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"
"I called you a communist. Because you are one." I grin. Even if I'm dying here, I'm going down swinging, the only way I can. "I mean, you're an autocratic leader who
claims to stand for the people, while in truth operating a fascistic dictatorship that forces people to work constantly according to the demands of the state. I bet you don't even use money anymore, do you? Just giving out resources in accordance with each individual's needs, just like the
Marxist you are."
"What? No, I'm not-" He freezes. "SHUT UP!"
"In Soviet America, President is Lion," I say in my best impression of a Russian accent. "And also king."
"SHUT UP, SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!"
"Da, Tovarisch Edison. I am always ready to meet the needs of the State."
"You know what?" Edison snaps, pulling out a remote detonator. "I was going to tell you a bit more about my plans, and how I overcame adversity for my country, but you
just had to piss me off! Now, you get to watch as I cement America's future, and save us from the Incineration!" He presses the detonator. Nothing happens.
After a moment, he presses it again. And then again, then he starts mashing down the button like he's trying to get through a cutscene. "There was supposed to be a timeline-shattering kaboom! Why isn't there a timeline-shattering kaboom?" He roars in frustration. "With the power of the Grail, amplified by the McMahon magus family's magical rituals, there should be more than enough power for my device to work! Why isn't it doing anything?"
"Oh!" A woman's voice says from up on the suspended platforms. "Do you mean, by any chance,
this Grail?"
Nero smirks, dangling the Singularity's Grail loosely in one hand as she looks down at us. "Because I'm afraid that I removed it, and disabled that device of yours."
"Impossible!" Edison bellows, his jaw dropping as he looks up. "How'd you take it out without triggering my security measures?" He cuts his question off with a growl. "It doesn't matter! Duryodhana! Karnas! Other guy! Kill her and recover the Grail!"
"Indeed!" Duryodhana booms. "Kauravas! It is time we ended this farce!" As one, the five Servants draw their weapons, and then surround
Edison.
"W-WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Edisons shouts, looking around.
"We're betraying you, obviously," Duryodhana announces with a cheeky grin. "And, to answer your
first question, she knew how to get around your machine's security measures because I told her."
"TREASON! SEDITIOUS, VILE, TREASON!" Edison roars, the lightbulbs on his shoulders flaring erratically.
"Honestly, I was planning this from the beginning," Duryodhana admits with a shrug. "I'm always up for a chance to ham it up and show off, and especially to give Karna a fair match against the second-most-obnoxious Pandava brother, but not if it means sacrificing the entirety of human history to save one measly country, especially one that's not my own."
"Do you really hate us colonists so much that you'd rather leave us all to the Incineration than work together with us to save our land?" Edison asks, whiskers twitching with fury. "You filthy, uncultured savages!"
Duryodhana blinks. "Okay, boss, you
do realize that when I said we were Indian, I meant that
we're actually from India?"
"Oh." Edison blinks. "My apologies for lumping you in with the savages."
That's when Duryodhana just gets fed up and smashes his former commander's skull in.
And then, with their summoner gone, the Kauravas begin to fade.
Duryodhana turns to me. "Looks like my part in this is done, then. It was fun while it lasted, though." He grins. "Good luck, Master of Chaldea, and Godspeed."
And then he's gone.
Nero jumps down from the platform she's on, landing five feet away, Grail still in hand.
I'm alive. I'm alive, and we won, and it's thanks to her. And Duryodhana, of course.
"So, then,
irrumator. Care to sing my praises?" She smirks at me, one hand on her hip, the other holding out the Grail for Galahad.
I hug her, and she lets out a squeak. "Thank you."
"W-Well, you're welcome, then," she stammers out. "So, you admit that I was a useful and capable Servant?"
"The best in all the Resistance, and one I'm glad to call my ally." I release her, and she looks flustered. "Thank you, Nero. We couldn't have done it without you."
Galahad slots the Grail into place, looking between me and Nero warily.
"Very well, then!" Nero says. "The emperor forgives you for your earlier insults."
"I'm still not taking those back, actually. They were true, and I'm not going to stop pointing out your failings just because I've seen your good side."
"Impudent commoner," she says with a smirk. "Although I suppose that you wouldn't be half as intriguing without that sharp tongue of yours."
"Singularity's collapsing," Galahad reports, looking between us in concern. "We'll be Rayshifting out in a moment or two."
"Very well, then," Nero says, and then she kisses me.
Eventually, she pulls away and my brain restarts, allowing me to note that Nero looks smug and Galahad nauseated.
"Uh-Wha?"
"A little something to make sure you'll do your best to summon me to Chaldea," Nero smirks evilly. "
Husband."
"Yeah, oka- Wait, WHAT?"
As the Rayshift carries me away, the last thing I see is Nero's victorious smirk.
---
Roman greets me with a grin as I stagger out of my Klein Coffin. "So, Nero, huh?"
I stare at him for a long minute.
"S-So, we should debrief as soon as possible, in-"
"No. Bar."
"Yeah, that's fair."
