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"I won't ever regret keeping them with us, Flynn. You can count on that."

"Never thought I'd say this, but fuck you, Roman! It's the Seven Singularities all over again, damn it! Now with more guilt over killing entire timelines, ans dealing with half-way competent enemy Masters! I knew I should've pulled the plug on them!"
 
"It's an honor to have you with us, Mr. Holmes," I say, and I really do mean it. Looking at his stats, it's readily evident that, even if he's only a detective and investigator, his incredible deductive skills effectively make him a budget version of Fionn. And I've never been more effective in destroying humanity's enemies than when Fionn Mac Cumhaill was on my side.

Don't be too quick to celebrate there Charlie.

After all someones skills and abilities can be exaggerated sometimes.

 
Chapter 143
"Charlie, thank you for coming," Roman says as I step into his office.

"Pleasure's all mine," I assure him with a grin. "So, why did you call me here before the meeting?"

He seems to be thinking over how to best answer that, as I settle into a chair opposite his.

"Let's not get to the meat of the matter just yet," he says, after his deliberations come to a close. "So, tell me, how have things been going? How's life been treating you?"

"Good."

He waits for me to follow up on that, and then looks disappointed in me when I don't. "That's it?"

"I mean, unless you count the Singularity Hunt, everything's just been, well, routine." And even the Singularity Hunt has been its own flavor of boring, if you think about it. Grabbing Grails from Singularities that've already been taken care of, for the most part, is incredibly easy work. Ultimately, it's just… routine. I'm good with routine. Much less good with risks.

"What about life in Chaldea? Anything interesting to report there?" He's staring to take on the tone that my old therapist would have when I was being a bit too blasé. I suppose I could run through things, see if I have any real issues.

"Well… hm. The Pathfinder game is still going strong, but you already knew that."

"I'm well aware."

"You finished rerolling yet?"

"Yes, you freaking psycho."

"Cool. My lessons with Medea are progressing nicely as well, she actually showed me a few new poisons we could use to execute Mata Hari the next time she crosses the line." I initially thought that Servants were immune to poisons. My teacher has taken great delight in showing me just how wrong I was.

"Ah." Roman looks slightly disapproving. "Are you still insisting on having her followed?"

"Yes. No point in giving her an opportunity to betray us again."

"Do you feel like that's a bit… well, paranoid?"

"Not particularly, why do you ask?"

"No reason. So, any other notable events?"

"I mean, aside from that, it's just checking up on Servants."

"And how's that going?"

"Well, the Berserker Lounge," formerly the Admin Break Room, "is still under control. Everyone's content, and none of them are on the verge of doing something destructive. I've also been checking in with the Chul Kids, seeing as they're one of my early warning systems. They're doing fine."

"Have they figured out if one of them is the father yet?"

"No, actually. They're going to wait until the kid comes out before they start looking for who his father is. If it's got blue hair, then it's probably theirs."

"And they… can't be specific as to which version is the father?"

"I actually asked them about it. Turns out that Sarah slept with all of them during the estimated time of conception. Sometimes with more than one at the same time." And apparently, she's not the only woman in Chaldea who's done that. Looking my female coworkers in the eye is going to be so much harder after this. Repressrepressrepreeeeeeeeeeeess…. aaaaaaaaaaand… we're good.

"Well, um," Roman looks downright flabbergasted. "I suppose if they're consenting adults, then it's really none of our business."

"Yep."

"So, anything else interesting going on in your life?" Roman asks.

"Well, I did set up a swimsuit calendar."

He raises an eyebrow. "Really? And what brought this on?"

"Well, after Blackbeard died a month and a half ago, in what was perhaps the most hilarious example of natural selection I've ever seen…"

"I still don't know why he thought stealing Serenity's underwear was a good idea," Roman mutters.

"Me and Mash had to go through his effects, after that, and we found that he was trying to put together a swimsuit calendar. Anyways, I was bored, and I thought, hey, maybe if this was official, and done with the models fully informed and agreeing to it, then it'd be a halfway decent way to improve morale. So, yeah. We're working on it. We're producing three, actually. One all-female, one all-male, and one mixed for those bisexuals among us."

"Really?" Roman asks, sounding more amused than anything else. "Any other entertainment products in the works that I'm in the dark about?"

"Well Shakespeare's play is going through production well enough. He's got Anderson co-writing, and he just finished up writing Galahad out of the play and giving his old scenes to Mash."

"What?" Roman asks incredulously. "How are you okay with this? I thought you and Galahad were friends!"

"We are. They're writing him out at his request. According to him, Mash deserves to be remembered as a hero far more than he does."

"That's…" Roman looks stunned.

"Yeah. He's really not that bad a guy once you really get to know him, is he?"

"I… I suppose so." He pulls himself together. "Anything else to report?"

I… do I tell him? Do I tell him what I'm planning?

No. But I can lay seeds for future threats.

"I've been having some concerns, actually."

"Do tell."

"From what I've read of the Association's records, and our own bylaws, I'm pretty sure that they'll try to shut us down, if we save the world."

"They'd be in the right to do so," Roman says gently, prompting an ugly snort from me before I can stop myself.

"Yeah, I think that using the words 'in the right' and 'the Mages' Association' in the same sentence counts as an oxymoron." I pull myself back on track. "Look, I've been thinking of the superhero paradox a bit, lately. Do the threats all appear there, in that one city, because the superhero is there? Or is the superhero there simply because there will be threats."

"And you're saying Chaldea is the superhero in this analogy of yours."

"Yeah. And call me stupid, but… well, I'm afraid. I'm utterly terrified that, even if we save the world this time, it'll happen again, and next time it'll stick, because the Association tore us apart in fits of petty jealousy and hidebound foolishness."

"Even you have to admit that the complete and utter destruction of humanity is an event unlikely to be repeated."

"I remember that Terry Pratchett once wrote something about climbing mountains. About how everything is easier once you've done it at least once. A tall, treacherous peak would take multiple teams of daring mountaineers countless tries to reach its peak, and then, a few generations later, little old grannies would be heading up to its summit for their morning constitutionals. What if… what if destroying humanity is like that?"

"Now you're grasping at straws." Roman places a hand on my shoulder. "So, why are you telling me this?"

"I just… I don't want these fears of mine to die with me, if I don't make it to the end," I look him dead in the eyes. "So, promise me, all right? Promise me that, if I don't make it, you won't let the Association take Chaldea apart?"

"Flynn," Roman looks me in the eye, and then sighs in defeat. "I promise."

"Thank you."

"Right, then." He looks slightly embarrassed all of a sudden. "Gah, now I feel like an ass for having to bring up what I originally called you here to discuss."

"Lay it on me. I promise I won't get mad."

"I've been getting some complaints about you basically turning Chaldea into a police state."

"What? That's ridiculous!"

"What did Marjani eat for breakfast this morning?"

"Her usual fare is scrambled eggs and bacon, but I can check to confirm, if you want," I say automatically, before realizing what I just said. "So… okay. I might have accidentally turned Chaldea into a police state."

"How many people's usual breakfasts have you memorized?"

"All of them. Medea beat it into my head that you always have to pay attention to people's diets so you know where to put the poison." I blink. "I'm really not helping my case there, am I?"

"Yeah, no." Roman gives me a stern look. "I'm not asking you to drop your monitoring entirely. God knows we do need someone that knows what's going on in Chaldea. But please, try not to make it so invasive? And leave the human staff out of it?"

"All right." It's not a hard concession, really. Honestly, half the reason I set up the network in the first place was because I was having trouble keeping track of all the names and faces. "Anything else?"

"Nothing that we won't be addressing in the general meeting, at least."

And with that, we head off towards the meeting room.

---​

"Ladies, gentlemen," Roman says as he calls the meeting to order. "Thank you for coming. Da Vinci and I have an announcement to make."

"You're tying the knot?" I ask teasingly, which gets a laugh out of the table, and an indignant splutter out of Roman.

"W-What, NO! Well, I mean, eventually, maybe, but now's not the- You know what? I'm just going to keep going. We've finally upgraded Chaldea's mana generators to the point where we can see into the Age of the Gods."

I… I feel a grin start to make its way across my face. "So, you mean to say that…"

"We've found the true Seventh Singularity," Roman confirms, a holographic representation of Chaldeas activating on the table. "It's located in the year 2655 BC, in Mesopotamia." He looks around the table. "We're deploying in two days. Take that time to prepare yourself as much as you can, because this is going to be the hardest Singularity yet."

The endgame is in sight. The final act is beginning.

And I can hardly wait.
 
"Yes, you freaking psycho."

Either Romani didn't pass any psychology courses, or he did and this is the way he needs to talk to someone like Charlie.

"I actually asked them about it. Turns out that Sarah slept with all of them during the estimated time of conception. Sometimes with more than one at the same time." And apparently, she's not the only woman in Chaldea who's done that.

All the fangirls, and boys, are screaming in jealousy.

Now that I think about it Cu impregnating someone even if he's essentially just a super powerful ghost may be possible due to his father being considered a fertility god, among other things.

"Well, after Blackbeard died a month and a half ago, in what was perhaps the most hilarious example of natural selection I've ever seen…"

"I still don't know why he thought stealing Serenity's underwear was a good idea," Roman mutters.

It wasn't enough that you had to leave out the scene of them dealing with Attila and Duryodhana, but now you had to leave out this.

You dirty mongrel.

one mixed for those bisexuals among us."

I'm assuming that the Chul kids, due to the whole thing with Ferdiad, and Leonidas, due to the whole Greek thing and fucking boys, are among the people in that group.

I thought you and Galahad were friends!"

That's a bit of a strong word here Roman.

"Even you have to admit that the complete and utter destruction of humanity is an event unlikely to be repeated."

For a guy that spent most of his life being a magic user you'd think he'd learn to not taunt Murphy.

And I can hardly wait.

And we can hardly wait for you to again meet King Hassan, and let's not forget your first meeting with Tiamat.

The girlish screams are going to be hilarious.
 
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Lil-gig gonna be big help if the events remain the same till chaldea arrives, or they die cause lil-gil recognizes not-enkidu and he murder-death-kills them before dick wizard comes.

I forgot about Merlin.

Get ready Charlie, because I doubt Galahads stories about him will do any justice to the real him.

I now have the image of him giving Galahad his penis back as some kind of gift.

From everything we know about him this is highly likely something he would do.
 
"Even you have to admit that the complete and utter destruction of humanity is an event unlikely to be repeated."

"Hey, I'm Kirstachia Wodime, and I'm about to do something people call a 'pro gamer move'. Did I say that right, Beryl? I still don't ubderstand why we should send this video to Chaldea through..."
 
Chapter 144
"All right," I say, looking over my away team. Cu Chulainn, Medea, Holmes, Cursed Arm, Georgios, and Siegfried will be joining me on this one (and Galahad goes without saying.) All proven to be reliable and powerful except Holmes, and he's useful more for information gathering than combat. "You all know the drill by now. We go in, work with the locals, and resolve the Singularity. We'll be Rayshifting into the City of Uruk, home to King Gilgamesh, humanity's oldest known epic hero. Consequently, I'll have to ask that you all watch what you say and stay on your best behavior. I've met the man, and he is not someone you want to cross." I look around. "Understood?"

They all nod grimly.

"All right then. To the coffins, we're going in."

The Rayshift fires up, and we're off.

---​

OH FUCK WE'RE FALLING.

Alright, Charlie, no time to panic, got to get it together. Were we somehow deflected? Did Da Vinci screw up? Come on, come on, think of something.

"LORD CAMELOT!"

Or… I suppose Galahad could take care of it. Still not sure how the hell that even worked, but, hey, beggars can't be choosers.

We hit the ground, none of us taking any injury, to my great relief.

Then, I open my eyes and realize I landed on Galahad.

For a moment, we stare at each other, faces a few feet apart, trapped in a moment of pure, silent awkwardness. Then I break that moment.

"So, count of three, we get back up, dust ourselves off, and never speak of this again?"

"Like you read my mind."

"Right then. One… Two… Three!"

As one, we rise to our feet, and get our first look at the Singularity's landscape. It's a wide, empty plain, one utterly devoid of any sign of human interference.

'All Servants report in and convene on my location.'

It takes less than a minute for my team to be fully assembled.

"All right, then, people. I'm calling Roman in, and he'll be guiding us towards Uruk."

---​

"Interesting," I comment, as my more melee-inclined Servants deal with the pack of lion-like monstrosities that attacked us. "I don't think I recognize these ones."

"Well, it's to be expected, really," Holmes points out. "I doubt that you know about every monster there is. For my part, I'm not precisely sure. Perhaps one of the Children of Tiamat? They do seem to be the most notable monsters in Babylonian mythology."

"I mean, weren't those in the time of the Babylonian creation myth?" I point out. "And I'm pretty sure they're each one of a kind. There's around five of these guys, and they all look to be the same breed of beast."

"I WILL BRING YOU DOWN! BALMUNG!"

"Well, I suppose we'll have to ask the locals. It would seem that our more physically gifted compatriots have resolved the issue."

"True-" That's all I get out before I'm suddenly sent slamming into the ground by some sort of airborne projectile.

Right, that was a blunt-force trauma. Soft impact too. Still, heavy enough weight and strong enough impact that I should be dead. Is my contract with Galahad giving me enhanced durability?

"Owowowowowowow," the surprisingly warm projectile mutters on top of me, and I suddenly realize that she's a woman.

A very revealingly dressed woman.

A very revealingly dressed woman who's directly on top of me right now.

Right, right, think with the upper head. Come on, upper head, give me something to work with here. Wait, she fell on me from above, right? And she's unharmed from the impact. No real elevated spaces here, and I doubt she was launched from a catapult, which would mean that she possesses some means of flight. A quick scan of the sky reveals that she wasn't using some sort of mount, which means that she, of her own nature, possesses the power of flight. She's most likely some sort of Servant or Divine Spirit, and definitely dangerous. She can fly, after all, and that's almost always the sign of someone really strong. Just look at Superman!

Right then, mentally dubbing her Sexy Scary Sky Lady until I'm told her actual name and putting her in my People Not To Be Fucked With folder. Thanks, upper head. This is why you're the one running the show.

Shit, she's noticed me!

Right, right, don't panic, just think of what you're going to say, there's got to be a-

"Please don't kill me."

She smirks, floating up and away from me. "Well, well, a mortal showing proper respect. Will wonders never cease."

"Only a fool would disrespect a goddess, milady. Especially one of such obvious power and majesty as yourself," come on, pour on that flattery. If there's one thing Classical mythology has taught me, it's to never piss off the nigh-omnipotent anthropomorphic personifications of universal forces. Hubris never ends well.

"Well, obviously," she says, smugness dripping off her words. "It's gratifying to see that even an obvious foreigner like you recognizes a real goddess when you see one."

"May I ask your name, so that I may sacrifice in your honor?" I ask, giving Georgios a look when he seems poised to interrupt. There's only one God truly worthy of respect and worship, sure enough, but this one has power, at least for the moment, and when you've got a gun to your head, you don't pick fights with the person holding it.

"I am Ishtar, petitioner." Right, then. Threat level confirmed. Redoubled, even. I was ass-kissing pretty hard before, but now I'm going to have to turn it up to eleven, if I want even the slightest chance of surviving.

"Ah, truly your beauty eclipses what words can describe, most mighty of the gods, for as this humble petitioner gazes upon you, he finds that what he was told could not even begin to match the genuine article. Indeed, he eagerly awaits the chance to see your prowess in battle, that he may behold your transcendent mastery of all that rests within your domain." Right, should probably introduce myself. "This humble one's name is Charles Flynn, and he would be honored beyond words were the most radiant goddess to deem his petty title worth remembering."

"I suppose I might," she says, obviously preening. "So, little man, what brings you to my lands?"

Hm. I think I might be able to turn this encounter to our favor. "Indeed, Lady Ishtar, this humble one can only praise your benevolent wisdom, and your generosity in gracing us with your presence!"

"Yeah, I am pretty great, aren't I?"

"Indeed, for our entire reason for this journey was to make a pilgrimage to your most holy of cities, divine Uruk, and bear our offerings to your great temple. Have you come to command us to turn back? Have we displeased you? It that the reason you fell on me from a great height?"

"Wait, what?" she asks, doing a double take. "Wait, what kind of offerings are we talking, here?"

"Approximately eight cubits of pure gold," I tell her, keeping my face completely straight.

"Well, I mean, yes, I suppose this is a pretty dangerous place," she says, a bit uncertain all of a sudden.

"I see. If it is the goddess' judgement that we are unworthy of offering her our gold, then we shall abide by it."

"W-What? No, no, sweetie, you're still worthy of giving me your gold, now fork it over and then do an about-face."

"Oh, we don't have it on us."

"THEN HOW WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO HAND IT OVER?" she asks incredulously.

"Priest Roman is gifted in sorcery. He deemed it too risky to send the sacred gold with us, on the chance that we fall prey to monsters or bandits. Thus, he sent us ahead, and planned on monitoring our location, and sending the gold over so we could make the appropriate offerings when we arrived at your most holy of temples in Uruk." Dear God, I hope Roman picked up on that. If he doesn't Rayshift that gold in, I am screwed.

"And- What if you don't make it?" she asks, almost sounding concerned for my personal well-being, although I very much doubt that's the case.

"Then Priest Roman will send another group out on pilgrimage, although I don't doubt it will take some time."

She seems to think on it for a moment, and then gives the answer I was aiming for. "Very well, then. In light of your piety and respect, your goddess will bless you with her presence and protection as you make your pilgrimage to Uruk."

"Thank you, great goddess. I will personally entreat Priest Roman to triple our offerings to you."

She flies ahead, leaving me with a distinctly displeased Georgios and Galahad.

'Flynn,' Galahad begins angrily. 'What the Hell was that?'

'Me keeping the most hair trigger goddess in Mesopotamia from killing us all, and hiring us a guide that knows the lay of the land, even if I didn't put it in precisely those terms.'

'Really?' Georgios asked, looking a bit irked. 'Because it looked a lot like you paying homage to a false idol.'

'She's not worthy of that respect, sure. But, at the same time, she's too dangerous not to play to her ego. I'm not Gilgamesh, here. I'm not going to flip off Cthulhu just to appease my own ego, and I'm not going to risk the mission. And considering that the mission in question involves rescuing His favorite creations from a sudden, ignominious, and, above all else, permanent end, I'm sure He wouldn't mind making an exception just this once.'

That seems to placate them, and so we begin making our way towards Uruk.
 
Aww. Not bringing an actual Gilgamesh along...he'd have been perfect.

Charles Flynn

May I ask why not? He's agreeable, a perfect guide, one of maybe two Servants who might have been able to get through to the expected Archer-Gilgamesh (the other being Enkidu)...

While he does have many of those qualities Charlie may have thought that they were going to deal with the evil asshole version of Gilgamesh and Kid Gil doesn't like him so may criticize him, and that version of Gil doesn't exactly like to be criticized so he may try to kill them for what he sees as their insolence.

They don't know that they're going to be dealing with the assholish, but good and decent, version of Gil.
 
Holmes, and he's useful more for information gathering than combat.

That may not be a guarantee.



Then, I open my eyes and realize I landed on Galahad.

Ohh to have Lancelot see this and be mortified.

"Owowowowowowow," the surprisingly warm projectile mutters on top of me, and I suddenly realize that she's a woman.

A very revealingly dressed woman.

Yesssss!

The Tsundere Goddess is here!

A very revealingly dressed woman who's directly on top of me right now.

Charlie has the weirdest romances doesn't he?

First it was with a crazy emperor, then there is the implied thing with a teenage ghost trapped in the body of a girl, and now a crazy goddess in the body of animes queen of tsunderes,

There's only one God truly worthy of respect and worship,

To be fair, even he can be a gigantic douchebag.

Especially in the era they are in now.


And not in a sexual way.

...

Actually it may honestly be in a sexual way, given that Ishtar is a sex goddess she may be able to kill people by having sex with them, either by draining their life force or like in that James Bond movie where that woman breaks men's spines with her legs.

"And- What if you don't make it?" she asks, almost sounding concerned for my personal well-being, although I very much doubt that's the case.

Hey tsunderes are capable of caring about people.

'Really?' Georgios asked, looking a bit irked. 'Because it looked a lot like you paying homage to a false idol.'

Careful she may hear them in their little telepathic talk.

Plus she is real.

'She's not worthy of that respect, sure.

The only three gods of any religion that may be worthy of respect and haven't done anything that is either straight up evil or just utterly dickish may be Hestia, Ganesha and Hades.

That thing with Persephone may not really count as being evil due to the fact that in some myths he actually talked to her father for the right to marry her and may have courted her before anything happened.
 
You know, considering the time period, you might be able to pray to the One True God and have Him show up in some way.

Like a grand feeling of "Hang back, children. Daddy's got this." and then, with a Heavenly Choir, a giant beam of Get the Fuck Away From My Kids slams down into Tiamat.
 
You know, considering the time period, you might be able to pray to the One True God and have Him show up in some way.

Like a grand feeling of "Hang back, children. Daddy's got this." and then, with a Heavenly Choir, a giant beam of Get the Fuck Away From My Kids slams down into Tiamat.

He may want to be careful if he does that.

This is God before he mellowed out with the whole hippie Jesus phase, so he may try to punish Charlie for working with pagans, regardless of the whole needing their help to save the world.

Forgiveness wasn't exactly a big part of God's character pre New Testament.
 
Aww. Not bringing an actual Gilgamesh along...he'd have been perfect.

Charles Flynn

May I ask why not? He's agreeable, a perfect guide, one of maybe two Servants who might have been able to get through to the expected Archer-Gilgamesh (the other being Enkidu)...
He didn't bring Gil Junior along because A) he wasn't sure how the King of Egos would react to another him, and B) he tries not to make a habit of dragging children into warzones.
 
He didn't bring Gil Junior along because A) he wasn't sure how the King of Egos would react to another him, and B) he tries not to make a habit of dragging children into warzones.

Those children may be annoyed with his reluctance, seeing as they come from eras where being a child soldier and fighting in wars and battles was accepted for young people that may have just entered puberty.
 
Those children may be annoyed with his reluctance, seeing as they come from eras where being a child soldier and fighting in wars and battles was accepted for young people that may have just entered puberty.
True, true, but he also has a bevy of Servants that have decades more experience in battle than them, and don't suffer from the crippling disadvantage of being children, and therefore being smaller and having less combat training.
 
Damn it!

Okay, okay, maybe when Roman sends that gold their way Fou will come along, somehow.

We need to see that cute little furball attack the futa wizard.
Sorry to break it to you, buddy....

But Fou left Chaldea after the Fifth Singularity.

Or, more accurately, the Cath Palug left Chaldea after the Fifth Singularity.
 

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