"All right," I say, looking over my away team. Cu Chulainn, Medea, Holmes, Cursed Arm, Georgios, and Siegfried will be joining me on this one (and Galahad goes without saying.) All proven to be reliable and powerful except Holmes, and he's useful more for information gathering than combat. "You all know the drill by now. We go in, work with the locals, and resolve the Singularity. We'll be Rayshifting into the City of Uruk, home to King Gilgamesh, humanity's oldest known epic hero. Consequently, I'll have to ask that you all
watch what you say and stay on your best behavior. I've met the man, and he is
not someone you want to cross." I look around. "Understood?"
They all nod grimly.
"All right then. To the coffins, we're going in."
The Rayshift fires up, and we're off.
---
OH FUCK WE'RE FALLING.
Alright, Charlie, no time to panic, got to get it together. Were we somehow deflected? Did Da Vinci screw up? Come on, come on,
think of something.
"LORD CAMELOT!"
Or… I suppose Galahad could take care of it. Still not sure how the hell that even
worked, but, hey, beggars can't be choosers.
We hit the ground, none of us taking any injury, to my great relief.
Then, I open my eyes and realize I landed on Galahad.
For a moment, we stare at each other, faces a few feet apart, trapped in a moment of pure, silent awkwardness. Then I break that moment.
"So, count of three, we get back up, dust ourselves off, and never speak of this again?"
"Like you read my mind."
"Right then. One… Two… Three!"
As one, we rise to our feet, and get our first look at the Singularity's landscape. It's a wide, empty plain, one utterly devoid of any sign of human interference.
'
All Servants report in and convene on my location.'
It takes less than a minute for my team to be fully assembled.
"All right, then, people. I'm calling Roman in, and he'll be guiding us towards Uruk."
---
"Interesting," I comment, as my more melee-inclined Servants deal with the pack of lion-like monstrosities that attacked us. "I don't think I recognize these ones."
"Well, it's to be expected, really," Holmes points out. "I doubt that you know about
every monster there is. For my part, I'm not precisely sure. Perhaps one of the Children of Tiamat? They do seem to be the most notable monsters in Babylonian mythology."
"I mean, weren't those in the time of the Babylonian creation myth?" I point out. "And I'm pretty sure they're each one of a kind. There's around five of these guys, and they all look to be the same breed of beast."
"I WILL BRING YOU DOWN! BALMUNG!"
"Well, I suppose we'll have to ask the locals. It would seem that our more physically gifted compatriots have resolved the issue."
"True-" That's all I get out before I'm suddenly sent slamming into the ground by some sort of airborne projectile.
Right, that was a blunt-force trauma. Soft impact too. Still, heavy enough weight and strong enough impact that I should be dead. Is my contract with Galahad giving me enhanced durability?
"Owowowowowowow," the surprisingly warm projectile mutters on top of me, and I suddenly realize that she's a woman.
A very revealingly dressed woman.
A very revealingly dressed woman
who's directly on top of me right now.
Right, right, think with the upper head. Come on, upper head, give me something to work with here. Wait, she fell on me from above, right? And she's unharmed from the impact. No real elevated spaces here, and I doubt she was launched from a catapult, which would mean that she possesses some means of flight. A quick scan of the sky reveals that she wasn't using some sort of mount, which means that she, of her own nature, possesses the power of flight. She's most likely some sort of Servant or Divine Spirit, and
definitely dangerous. She can fly, after all, and that's almost always the sign of someone
really strong. Just look at Superman!
Right then, mentally dubbing her Sexy Scary Sky Lady until I'm told her actual name and putting her in my People Not To Be Fucked With folder. Thanks, upper head. This is why you're the one running the show.
Shit, she's noticed me!
Right, right, don't panic, just think of what you're going to say, there's got to be a-
"Please don't kill me."
She smirks, floating up and away from me. "Well, well, a mortal showing proper respect. Will wonders never cease."
"Only a fool would disrespect a goddess, milady. Especially one of such obvious power and majesty as yourself," come on, pour on that flattery. If there's one thing Classical mythology has taught me, it's to
never piss off the nigh-omnipotent anthropomorphic personifications of universal forces. Hubris never ends well.
"Well,
obviously," she says, smugness dripping off her words. "It's gratifying to see that even an obvious foreigner like you recognizes a
real goddess when you see one."
"May I ask your name, so that I may sacrifice in your honor?" I ask, giving Georgios a
look when he seems poised to interrupt. There's only one God truly worthy of respect and worship, sure enough, but this one has power, at least for the moment, and when you've got a gun to your head, you don't pick fights with the person holding it.
"I am Ishtar, petitioner." Right, then. Threat level confirmed. Redoubled, even. I was ass-kissing pretty hard before, but now I'm going to have to turn it up to eleven, if I want even the slightest chance of surviving.
"Ah, truly your beauty eclipses what words can describe, most mighty of the gods, for as this humble petitioner gazes upon you, he finds that what he was told could not even begin to match the genuine article. Indeed, he eagerly awaits the chance to see your prowess in battle, that he may behold your transcendent mastery of all that rests within your domain." Right, should probably introduce myself. "This humble one's name is Charles Flynn, and he would be honored beyond words were the most radiant goddess to deem his petty title worth remembering."
"I suppose I might," she says, obviously preening. "So, little man, what brings you to my lands?"
Hm. I think I might be able to turn this encounter to our favor. "Indeed, Lady Ishtar, this humble one can only praise your benevolent wisdom, and your generosity in gracing us with your presence!"
"Yeah, I am pretty great, aren't I?"
"Indeed, for our entire reason for this journey was to make a pilgrimage to your most holy of cities, divine Uruk, and bear our offerings to your great temple. Have you come to command us to turn back? Have we displeased you? It that the reason you fell on me from a great height?"
"Wait, what?" she asks, doing a double take. "Wait, what kind of offerings are we talking, here?"
"Approximately eight cubits of pure gold," I tell her, keeping my face completely straight.
"Well, I mean, yes, I suppose this is a pretty dangerous place," she says, a bit uncertain all of a sudden.
"I see. If it is the goddess' judgement that we are unworthy of offering her our gold, then we shall abide by it."
"W-What? No, no, sweetie, you're still worthy of giving me your gold, now fork it over and then do an about-face."
"Oh, we don't have it on us."
"THEN HOW WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO HAND IT OVER?" she asks incredulously.
"Priest Roman is gifted in sorcery. He deemed it too risky to send the sacred gold with us, on the chance that we fall prey to monsters or bandits. Thus, he sent us ahead, and planned on monitoring our location, and sending the gold over so we could make the appropriate offerings when we arrived at your most holy of temples in Uruk." Dear
God, I hope Roman picked up on that. If he doesn't Rayshift that gold in,
I am screwed.
"And- What if you don't make it?" she asks, almost sounding concerned for my personal well-being, although I very much doubt that's the case.
"Then Priest Roman will send another group out on pilgrimage, although I don't doubt it will take some time."
She seems to think on it for a moment, and then gives the answer I was aiming for. "Very well, then. In light of your piety and respect, your goddess will bless you with her presence and protection as you make your pilgrimage to Uruk."
"Thank you, great goddess. I will personally entreat Priest Roman to
triple our offerings to you."
She flies ahead, leaving me with a distinctly displeased Georgios and Galahad.
'
Flynn,' Galahad begins angrily. '
What the Hell was that?'
'
Me keeping the most hair trigger goddess in Mesopotamia from killing us all, and
hiring us a guide that knows the lay of the land, even if I didn't put it in precisely those terms.'
'
Really?' Georgios asked, looking a bit irked. '
Because it looked
a lot like you paying homage to a false idol.'
'
She's not worthy of that respect, sure. But, at the same time, she's too dangerous not
to play to her ego. I'm not Gilgamesh, here. I'm not going to flip off Cthulhu just to appease my own ego, and I'm not going to risk the mission. And considering that the mission in question involves rescuing His favorite creations from a sudden, ignominious, and, above all else, permanent end, I'm sure He wouldn't mind making an exception just this once.'
That seems to placate them, and so we begin making our way towards Uruk.
