I did not read the rewrite yet because of the PREMISE THE COMMENTS ARE TELLING ME YOU SHIFTED TO, ACK! It's monumentally DUMBER than G-whatshisface mucking with the contract despite knowing how important it is to the company and how fucked up he'll be for it!
Annette or any being that can pass as Annette is not fucking retarded enough to do something like what I'm gleaning from their comments. I strongly advise you change this to a "Little Owl, they kind of resurrected me with porn logic technology. So, uh, I'm probably going to take a couple months to stop being more than a little horny..." plot like the commenters suggested. The mindfuck of Taylor learning that her parents were probably fucking outdoors when she was conceived, among other things, would be more than enough conflict.
Failing that, if you're going to have Annette plan anything even within several universes of this,
why didn't Annette sign up for a Slut Life run herself? Consensus said (over on Commercial Break when we were debating Taylor's horribad credit point management skills) the Heberts were lower middle class before she died. They could really use the money, and powers for that matter.
This thread agreed it was a "head up ass stay faithful to Danny" thing, and
then you give us this "Annette is so desperate for sex that a) she would absolutely have jumped at the opportunity to participate in SL herself--hey, desperate nympho, also powers and money could be useful in the future--
and b) our previous (IMHO idiot balling Annette's practicality level)
consensus is absolutely impossible." thing???
Yeah, have to say, if that was supposed to be obvious to the readers it didn't really come through that well. I think mainly because of the jarring tone-shift I mentioned before and the fact that Gareth came off as someone stubbornly following orders from his superiors rather than someone trying to cover his ass.
Will agree that we as a readership seem to have misconstrued the situation with arbor and pulled it out of proportion from what actually happened though.
I thought it was Gareth. The immediate ambush with armed thugs strongly pointed toward that.
Hence I believed you could get away with murdering him for mucking with the sacred Conceptual Contract--SL has connections to conceptual-controlling realities. After all, if the Contract agreed to by both parties is not the same, it fails to be a Conceptual Contract.
And that's the one thing more important to SL than anything else.
Still think that the fact that there is proof that the contract was altered should in such way should have been a bigger deal. It was altered between Taylor signing it and it getting to the server. This implies a security breach.
Indeed it should.
But if we want to be generous Arbor just got off their equivalent of a 50-hour work marathon and is looking forward to going on vacation starting tomorrow, and he's just barely fallen asleep before being woken up, and isn't exactly in good touch with reality yet and is basically running on 2% processor availability swatting at buzzing insects in his sleep.
Oh, and Ack, you said no one suggested a way to rewrite that last chapter? I saw pretty much everyone saying the same thing (though not blunt enough apparently), drop that plot point entirely. Figure out some other way to get that gangbang for Annette if you really have to.
That Contract swapping plot point was, and still is, bad.
Agreed, in other news this site needs a stronger upvote system.
Ack, I'm in no way saying Gareth isn't the responsible party. The problem is that Arbor is being just as stupid and greedy.
Indeed, which doesn't make sense for such middle management. It's literally his job at stake when it comes to such a crucial concept as preserving server integrity after all...
Taylor was being dragged to the med bay, to have whatever unknown alterations done to her body and mind, and Tori and Annette would have been stunned, so unable to prevent anything.
I saw everyone saying "it was good right up until this happened", "this broke my SoD hard", "whoever did this should burn because of how wrong it is", "the contract is sacred to the setting" (especially this one, very especially this one)
Basically everyone saying that that one plot point was bad and didn't fit.
And it's bad in-setting because, as Arbor said:
This is exactly what happened from Taylor's PoV. And even if it was setup by Annette, A SL employee went along with it, which makes it actual contract entrapment, even if they never intended to follow through with it. And there's video proof. I don't think someone would knowingly open their company up to even the chance at a lawsuit like that.
This sort of thing would not fly in any legal system that actually functioned well enough to even have contracts be a thing. Because Imperfect Information says that Contract cannot be formed if the parties are not agreeing to the same thing. And if they're connected to conceptual magical girl settings, well...
This is the first time I ever invoked conceptual bullshit settings in a positive sense, hah!
Her mom and Tori just faked it to get some sexy time. It is slightly better then altering the actual contract, but it still feels like a gross violation of Taylor's trust with the other two.
Your wording is grossly insufficient.
It is bugfuck impossible for Annette to do this sort of deliberately traumatizing thing unless
a) Taylor is hallucinating
b) Annette is so unthinkingly horny she ABSOLUTELY would have taken a Slut Life run if she was allowed--I spent how many posts earlier raging about how she's stupid not to and the other commenters spent HOW MUCH effort to browbeat me into "stay faithful to Danny" bullshit? And given they're kidnapping random folks from the multiverse for their show they'd be happy to have volunteers.
c) Annette is a worse mother than Squealer, or perhaps Glastig Uaine, would be.
If you want to get Annette involved just have her be fricken honest to Taylor. Have Annette tell Taylor that her resurrection screwed up her body bad and she needs to have sex. Have them work it out. That there could be your drama piece. Taylor and her mother coming to terms with seeing each other as adults and not just parent and child. Taylor having to acknowledge that her mother is a person, not perfect, and she has sexual needs and desires too. Heck, you can even make it so that in order for Annette to stay faithful Taylor has to help her mother with her needs. Good drama there with getting Taylor to that point as well as all of the issues that come afterwards with the fact that she has sex with a women as well as her mother.
It is your story though, you do you. Sorry that you had to get all this salt for your hard work.
Agreed, even Literal Motherfucking Taylor Hebert would be less RIDICULOUS than this.
...Wait a second. Dude, TYPOES! You just told the author to go fuck himself rather indirectly ("you do you")! (inb4 infraction for horribad pun)
