Chapter 1: Get out of my flat!
My life was a simple one. One where things were dictated by...
My life was a simple one. One where things were dictated by...
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
User | Total |
---|---|
JBukharin | 23 |
Excuse me, but why the attached link?
This is cute. I didn't care much for blake post volume 3 but she was an enjoyable enough character before then, if a bit naiive. Sid is a pretty nice guy for all he puts on airs about being all tough. His and Blake's interactions are cute. He's a bit snarky, but not in a MCU-type way, and he can still be put off his game. Not unflappable or anything, which is nice. You've captured RWY's essences well, from Ruby's wishy-washiness trying to please everyone and not having a strong stance only to please no one. You've captured Weiss' stubbornness, especially in the earlier volumes. And it's satisfying to see her uppityness get thrown in her face. She's the type to think anything from her homeland is automatically good, so not expecting Atlas Coffee to be utter shit is in line with her character. Pre-fall of Beacon Yang is a type of character I like, with her super upbeat attitude and earnestness but IRL her type could be overbearing, and I like how you portrayed that.
Lucidum I think Cinder being his sister would be a bit too convenient, but I suppose stranger things have happened. I certainly can't think of any other canon important female human characters that hail from Mistral, but there is always the chance Sid's sister could be another OC. Sid's pretty well written, so it wouldn't be the end of the world.
I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop, and Blake to eventually get found out. Although there is a chance she will decide to reveal herself to her old teammates on her own but choose to keep living with Sid.
Wherever you take this, JBukharin, I am looking forward to it. This story is criminally underwatched both here and on SB (I don't even think there are ANY comments in that thread) and it's a damn shame because this is in the upper percentile of RWBY fanfics I have read.
You lied to meLet's just say that it isn't Cinder... but someone with Cinder's face and inherent personality. It will be fun to write her in the next chapter.
I have only played around the truth. This isn't Canon Cinder, so she isn't technically Cinder. Also, I think it would have been worse if I had just said yeah and thus spoilered the little secret. Didn't mean any harm with that, of course.
Okay, it's Cinder.It's Cinder. You've given her a backstory but it is still Cinder
The young woman could then remember when she first learned about love in a simple day at school, about that dumb emotion that would make girl go after men without an apparent reason and then she compared her strange interest she had over her adoptive sibling and then the realization struck hard.
It was difficult to stomach, but the signs were far too evident for her to blatantly ignore and...
It was temporary, she remembered thinking at first, it would go away by getting distant and letting time pass through and…
That idea was obliterated in that very day she decided to visit. It had been a surprise to learn about his presence here in Vale and part of her had wanted to make use of the visit to subtly pressure him to leave the capital and return back to Mistral, where he would have been safe from the dangerous plans she was pulling the strings of.
But then things changed when she was hugged.
From what she could discern from this visit, which should have been just one of courtesy, her mind was still intrigued by him to a concerning degree.
He had grown again, this time leaving the boisterous rebelliousness he had displayed in his teenage years and…
Sid had embraced a more mature and adult-focused mindset. He was slightly-taller, more confident and… that lovely smile of his was still there.
The way he was so eager to hug her, to show his love and support…
And his still-present muscles-
I generally go too mad with tags. It's just unlimited power... I can't hold myself!You have way too many damned tags on Ao3. IMHO tags should only be used for characters that have a major role, not just mentioned. Also several of the non-character tags are unnecessary. I've seen worse, but I've seen better too.