Is It Wrong for a Rabbit to Have Bizarre Adventures with an Unsinkable Battleship?

[The Hero Without a Name]

Gold Ship had seen a lot of weird crap in her gloriously unhinged life.

She'd seen cursed racetracks that tried to eat runners, carrots that were definitely plotting something, gods with way too much free time, and trainers who thought "being boring" was a personality trait.

But this?

This old geezer standing next to the tiny white-haired kid?

Yeah. Red flag city. Maximum suspicion. The kind of danger level that made her brain go ding ding ding like a slot machine hitting a jackpot.

Not the normal kind of dangerous. Not the 'oops I forgot to warm up' kind of dangerous.

This fossil had full-on 'I keep weird books under my bed and tell kids stories they're definitely not old enough for' energy. His beard alone looked like it was hiding forbidden lore and several war crimes.

Gold Ship narrowed her rosewood eyes, a wild grin slowly spreading across her face.

The kid had red eyes too. Softer and shinier, like a baby rabbit who still bought every dumb thing the old man told him. Total hero eyes. Main character eyes. And man... he kinda looked like he could be her little brother. Not that she had one, but she'd always kinda wanted one. This kid would fit perfectly, he has similar hair though his was white, red eyes though hers was rosewood, and he had the perfect 'way too pure for this world' face.

Yeah. Screw it. This one was hers now.

No way some sketchy old fossil was keeping him. Unacceptable. Absolutely not. Not on Gold ship's watch.

The creepy aura around the geezer was practically oozing out like bad perfume. Or maybe that was just old man smell. Either way, her chaotic divine instincts were screaming loud and clear:

Rescue the baby rabbit. Right now.

No need for plans, no need to overcomplicate things with any thoughts on if she should do this or not.

Gold Ship's fingers were already gripping the sack with way too much excitement, squeezing the fabric like it owed her money. A wild, mischievous grin spread across her face as she imagined how perfectly the little rabbit would fit inside.

---

Bell squirmed and wriggled as hard as he could inside the dark, rough confines. The coarse, scratchy fabric rubbed against his skin and face with every movement, squeezing him tightly and leaving almost no room to move. It felt like a heavy, bumpy bag made of something thick and woven, and it smelled faintly of dirt and old vegetables. Every jolt made his small body bounce uncomfortably, banging his elbows and knees against the inside.

This is just like Grandpa's stories…

Bell's mind raced. He had listened to so many of his grandfather's adventurer tales that his imagination was running wild. When something scary like this happened to the heroes in the stories, it usually meant one of two things: either a monster was eating them… or they were being kidnapped by bad guys.

He sniffed again and felt around with his little hands. The material was rough and prickly, not wet or sticky like a monster's mouth. There was no chewing or squelching sounds either. So… probably not being eaten.

That meant he was being kidnapped.

Bell's ruby-red eyes widened in the darkness.

Kidnapped?!

He bit his lip, trying to be brave like the heroes in the stories, but his voice still came out small and shaky inside his head.

Who would kidnap me? I'm not even an adventurer yet… I'm only nine! Did I do something bad? Maybe they think I'm someone important? Or… or maybe they're taking me to a dungeon to feed me to a big monster?

His little hands clenched into fists as more worried thoughts flooded his mind.

What's going to happen to me? Is Grandpa okay? Will someone come save me like the heroes in the stories? …Or do I have to be the hero this time?

Bell kept wiggling inside the rough, scratchy sack, his heart thumping like a little drum in his chest. The bumpy ride made his bottom hurt every time the sack bounced.

Then a new thought popped into his head.

Wait…

In Grandpa's stories, when the hero got captured, they didn't just stay quiet. They yelled! They shouted for help so someone could hear them and come rescue them!

Bell's eyes went wide in the darkness.

I should be screaming!

He opened his mouth, but right before any sound came out, he hesitated. His cheeks felt hot even though no one could see him.

But… what if the bad guys get mad? What if they hit me? He thought nervously. Heroes are supposed to be brave… but I'm still just nine. My voice is small… will anyone even hear me?

He squeezed his little fists tight, trying to gather his courage. The sack smelled like potatoes and dirt, and it kept rubbing against his face every time it bounced.

Taking a big breath, Bell finally shouted as loud as his small lungs would let him:

"Help! Somebody help me! I've been kidnapped!"

His voice cracked a little at the end, sounding more like a scared little boy than a brave hero. He waited, listening hard, but all he could hear was the creaking of wheels and the thumping of footsteps outside the sack.

He shouted again, a bit louder this time:

"Grandpa! Anyone! Please help!! I'm in a sack!"

Bell panted after yelling, feeling both proud and embarrassed at the same time. Part of him felt like a real adventurer for calling out… but another part of him was worried that the kidnappers would just laugh at how squeaky his voice sounded.

Bell kept screaming for help until his throat felt scratchy and sore. His small voice grew weaker and weaker until he finally ran out of breath. Then the tears came. Big, hiccupping sobs shook his whole body as he cried inside the dark, rough sack.

The bumpy movement suddenly stopped.

He felt the sack being flipped upside down, and before he could even yelp, he tumbled out onto the ground. The cool night air hit his face. When he looked around with teary eyes, he saw tall trees all around him and bright moonlight shining through the leaves. He must be in the forest.

Bell didn't dare look up at the person who had taken him. He stayed curled up on the ground, sobbing quietly. He felt so small and helpless. This isn't how heroes are supposed to feel… he thought sadly.

But instead of kicking him or yelling at him to be quiet like a bad guy would, something unexpected happened. Strong but gentle arms carefully picked him up. A warm hand started rubbing slow circles on his back, almost like Grandpa did when he had a bad dream.

"There, there…" a soft, warm voice whispered kindly. "It's okay, shorty. You're safe now. No more crying, alright?"

The voice continued speaking gently, saying more comforting things Bell could barely understand through his sobs. It sounded really nice and warm, even though this was the person who had kidnapped him. The gentle rubbing on his back and the soft voice slowly made the fear loosen its grip on his chest.

Bell's breathing started to calm down just a little. His eyelids grew heavier and heavier. No matter how hard he tried to stay awake and stay alert, sleep gently pulled him under.

---

The kid must've been scared half to death living with that creepy old geezer. At least, that's what Gold Ship's wonderfully chaotic brain decided the moment she saw the situation.

Honestly, she expected him to start screaming for help way earlier. But nooo, it seemed that the little guy only properly freaked out after she'd already stuffed him in the sack and taken off like a rocket.

Gold Ship didn't stop at the edge of the village. She didn't stop at the next mountain ridge. She kept running and running, legs pumping with that ridiculous Uma Musume power, the sack bouncing lightly on her shoulder as she blasted through the forested mountain paths and down into the wide valleys beyond. By the time she finally slowed down, they were ridiculously far away, at least several mountains over, deep in the quiet countryside under nothing but moonlight and open fields and a a few trees.

"Heeey, you're a bit slow on the uptake, aren'tcha?" she laughed under her breath as she dashed through the dark streets, the sack slung over her shoulder. "I already rescued you, y'know!"

Still… he was smaller than she expected. Tiny thing. She was almost half a meter taller than him, easily. If she held a ruler on top of his head, it probably wouldn't even reach her chin. Kinda cute, actually.

Once she was sure no one had followed, Gold Ship opened the sack and gently pulled the trembling, sniffling kid out. Her usual wild, chaotic grin softened just a little.

"There, there…" she whispered softly, her voice warm and comforting. "It's okay, shorty. You're safe now. No more crying, alright? That old fossil isn't gonna lay a finger on you again, okay?"

She continued murmuring quiet, soothing words while rocking him lightly in her arms. She ruffled his fluffy white hair (maybe a bit too roughly at first), then pulled him into a loose but warm hug, throwing in some dumb jokes and ridiculous promises between the gentle reassurances. It took a while, but the frantic sobs slowly turned into hiccups, then quiet sniffles, and finally calm, even breathing as he drifted off to sleep in her arms, his small hands loosening their grip on her jacket.

His tiny hands, which had been clutching her racing jacket like it was a lifeline, slowly loosened. Gold Ship looked down at the sleeping kid in her arms, her usual mischievous smirk returning.

His tiny hands, which had been clutching her racing jacket like it was a lifeline, slowly loosened. Gold Ship looked down at the sleeping kid in her arms, her usual mischievous smirk returning.

"Heh… Mission success. Gold Ship strikes again~" She poked his cheek lightly. "…You're lighter than you look, though. I could probably carry ten of you and still win a race."

Gold Ship triumphantly poked those soft cheeks for exactly three glorious seconds.

Then her ears twitched. She slowly looked around the moonlit countryside with its fields, trees, distant mountains, and one peacefully sleeping white-haired kid in her arms.

No racetrack, check. No Tracen Academy, check. No familiar skyline, check. Not even a single sign congratulating her for being an absolute legend, that was just unforgivable.

"……Huh."

Gold Ship glanced left, then right, then up at the stars like they owed her an explanation. "Minor tactical issue," she muttered.

The kid was saved. Obviously. Flawlessly. In the most stylish way possible. But now that the adrenaline was wearing off, a few annoying little details started lining up in Gold Ship's head.

She had no water, she had mo food, no map and absolutely no idea what country this even was.

Gold Ship stared down at the sleeping boy, then at the empty sack, then back at the boy again.

"Ah." Her face went completely blank as if she remembered something extremely importnat only just now. "I forgot to put Toreina in the sack." The realization hit her like a terrible race start. Gold Ship lifted one hand to her chin, looking gravely serious. "No snacks. No one to yell at me. No emergency scolding. No Toreina to say 'Gold Ship, you can't just kidnap children' right before I heroically ignore him…"

She looked out across the unfamiliar fields with the sleeping boy still tucked warmly against her side.

"This," Gold Ship declared dramatically to the night sky, "might be the first time in history that one of my perfect plans has developed… one or two teeny-tiny imperfections."

The silence only made it worse as thatm eant there was no one to incorrectly correct her claiming that her plans had more than one or two imperfections. All lies of course, Gold Ship was aware her plans were always perfect.

A cold breeze rustled through the grass. Gold Ship hugged the kid a little closer, both to keep him warm and because he was currently the only thing here that made any sense at all.

"…Okay then," she whispered with a returning grin. "New plan! Find food. Find water. Find out where the heck we are. Avoid any more suspicious bearded men. And maybe steal some potatoes if the chance appears." Gold Ship then paused like she was trying to remember something important. "And somehow find Toreina before he finds out I accidentally misplaced myself."

 

[trashtaker]

THE HORSE HAS BEEN FREEED

THE FUCKING HORSE IS FREE!!!

 

[Fredd0367]

Reminder that Gold Ship is a deity in Granblue Fantasy