There was once a boy who knew nothing but the world underground. He did nothing save dig and dig...
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LinkOnScepter | 12 |
You called the first threadmark chapter 2, but otherwise the story seems great.
It's good to know that you also publish this fanfic in QQ
...I blame Bell's grandfather for giving the boy those ideas.The reason he dared to go to the lower fifth floor of the Dungeon.
To meet someone.
The girl of his dreams.
He had wanted to come here to find her. Have a fated meeting with her. Save her from a monster. Be a hero that others tell tales about.
I don't know what to make of this scene, I mean, I want to laugh but I can't. On the other hand, if Ais appears I hope the whole cliche of Bell falls in love at first sight with Ais doesn't happen (I've seen it happen in some fanfics, they weren't that good)Bell remained silent.
He stared at his savior while the man kept fussing over him.
Then he did the only thing he could think to do at that moment.
He started screaming.
This idea seems good to me. I'm more interested in how Simon interacts with other Danmachi characters and his reactions to the new world.1. This is Simon after he beat the Anti-Spiral. For those of you who don't know what that is, I'd suggest you don't read through this. Cause it's gonna have a lot of Gurren Lagann Spoilers. For those of you who do know, then yeah. Simon's gonna be pretty OP going forward, but he's in charge of how much Spiral Power he uses. So, no, he won't just dumpster everyone else in the fic unless something pushes him to go all out.
I really don't like that idea. Bell is already OP(in Danmachi world terms) in the Danmachi canon and that at the same time that is a big problem for the canon plot(blames the author of the light novel for that stupid idea to use only one year for the canon plot).2. Bell is gonna get Spiral Power. I have an idea for how it's gonna work with his Rapid Growth Skill. And, yeah, it's gonna cause a bit of a stir in the Setting to put it lightly.
I agree with you about Simon and Nia... About Bell, I really don't want to jump to conclusions (The shippers will be a problem for you at any moment.I mean, when the main plot pillar in a fanfic is only focused on a specific ship then there is something wrong with the writer, the plot and the readers or something .)3. As always with these kinds of fics, no shipping. Bell's relationships will (mostly) remain the same save for logical changes based on what happens in the fic. But I'm not gonna be specifically trying to put him one character or another. And Simon isn't getting anyone cause he's loyal to Nia. Even now.
I like the image
It's good to know that you also publish this fanfic in QQ... I guess I'll just repeat what I mentioned in FF with extra comments
:
Well, I think the beginning could have been better, I mean, this was the cliche chapter that is used in every Danmachi fanfic (new character saves Bell).This chapter could have started differently, maybe with Simon appearing on the 18th floor near Rivira town or something.
On the other hand, I'm curious what canon changes will happen because of our favorite digger,
Will you use characters and events from the Danmachi games (Orario Rhapsodia and MEMORIA FREESE)?.
...I blame Bell's grandfather for giving the boy those ideas.
I don't know what to make of this scene, I mean, I want to laugh but I can't. On the other hand, if Ais appears I hope the whole cliche of Bell falls in love at first sight with Ais doesn't happen (I've seen it happen in some fanfics, they weren't that good)
This idea seems good to me. I'm more interested in how Simon interacts with other Danmachi characters and his reactions to the new world.
It will be funny how the Danmachi characters react when they see how Simon's abilities break the common sense they know.
I really don't like that idea. Bell is already OP(in Danmachi world terms) in the Danmachi canon and that at the same time that is a big problem for the canon plot(blames the author of the light novel for that stupid idea to use only one year for the canon plot).
Giving Spiral Power to him is something cheap and unnecessary (there are better options than Bell, I guess)...at least, other Danmachi characters will also have Spiral Power?.
I agree with you about Simon and Nia... About Bell, I really don't want to jump to conclusions (The shippers will be a problem for you at any moment.I mean, when the main plot pillar in a fanfic is only focused on a specific ship then there is something wrong with the writer, the plot and the readers or something .)
I like the image![]()
A good start but I can't help but feel you should have kept it solely Simon's pov instead of Bell reactions.
Chapter 2 is in extras , not in threadmarks as is 1 . You should change that."I'm sorry!"
Simon flinched as the boy he had rescued apologized for the fifth time in a row. He started to scratch at his cheek, ignoring the blood that still covered his body. A chuckle left his throat as he spoke, "Uh, you said that already. And, I told you before. You don't have to apologize for trying to run away. I'd just like to know why? I didn't scare you did I?"
"No!" the boy shouted as he shot up from the sitting position he was just in. He rapidly shook his head while keeping his red eyes locked on Simon, "You didn't do anything wrong! I'm apologizing because I tried to run after you just rescued me! It was rude of me to do that to a fellow adventurer that just saved my life and I-"
"Hold on. Senior adventurer?" Simon raised a hand to get the kid to stop talking. He clammed up instantly upon seeing Simon's hand. Which only made him feel worse. The two of them were still in the room where he had killed that monster. Bell was sitting on his knees while Simon was cross-legged. The monster's body was still on the ground behind them, but Simon paid it no mind. Nor did he care about how the entire room was caked in blood and viscera. He instead focused his efforts on the boy he had saved. Which is what led them to their current situation.
Simon shook his head and let his hand fall, "Don't worry about it. Let's just start from the beginning. Are you hurt anywhere? None of that blood is yours, right?"
Temporarily stunned, the boy started to slowly shake his head, "N-No. I'm fine. He didn't hit me at all."
Some of the tension left Simon's shoulders, "Good. Next, how about you tell me your name? Wouldn't want to keep calling you, well, 'you'."
"It's...it's Bell. Bell Cranel."
Simon thrust his right hand out to Bell, "Good to meetcha! My name's Simon. Simon the Digger."
Bell looked from Simon's smiling face to his outstretched. Still nervous, he reached out with his left hand and gripped Simon's. Simon's firm confident grip contrasted with Bell's loose and unsure one. When the two separated, Bell stared at his left hand with a bit of awe in his eyes. Simon's eyebrows rose in confusion. Which only got worse when Bell started flexing his fingers while nodding to himself about something or other. After getting Bell's attention by clearing his throat, Simon continued, "Anyway, mind telling me why you tried to run away after I saved you? I didn't scare you or anything, did I?"
Bell's eyes went wide as he swiftly shook his head, "No! No! It's just I wasn't sure what to do or say and I was still trying to...to...uh..."
Bell went quiet when he saw Simon chuckling at his reactions. Simon put a hand on the younger boy's shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly, "Well, glad that I didn't drive you away. Wouldn't be able to say a job well done if I ended up scaring off the person I was trying to help."
Simon's chuckle turned into a full laugh. Bell, not entirely sure what was going on, responded with a nervous laugh of his own. They stopped a few seconds later, an awkward silence falling over them as they both went silent. Simon broke it by jerking a finger behind him, "So, mind telling me how you ended up nearly getting crushed by that thing?"
"Huh? Oh right! The magic stone!" Bell nearly slipped as he got to his feet. He ran passed Simon, pulling his knife out of his back and rushing towards where the monster fell. He got to his knees next to the hulking beast's body and aimed his knife where its heart would be. Confused, Simon stood up and walked to the kneeling boy. He watched as the young man tried to stab through the monster's chest with his knife, only for it to get caught in the muscles without getting very far.
"What?" Bell said, pulling his knife out and stabbing at the monster again to no avail. His blows became more frustrated as he kept trying to pierce its hide, but wasn't getting anywhere. He pulled his knife back as he spoke, "Its..its hide's too thick. I can't through it with this. Aw, and this would've given us a lot of money we could've used!"
He hung his head dejectedly as if he could see all the profits from this little adventure of his slipping through his fingers. Simon walked over and crouched next to Bell. Then he tapped him on the shoulder, "Don't give up yet. You can get through."
"Huh?" Bell looked over at Simon, confusion plain as day on his face.
Simon jerked his head at the dead beast, "Keep going. It's not over unless you give up. Whatever you want is in that...uh...what is this thing?"
"You don't know?" Simon shaking his head seemed to surprise Bell more than what he said about getting at the monster's chest. Bell looked from Simon to the dead beast, "How do you not know what a minotaur is? Every level one adventurer knows to stay far away from them and...wait. You attacked a minotaur despite not knowing what it was?!"
Simon nodded without a hint of regret, "Yeah."
"...Who...who are you?"
Simon grinned, reaching up to tap on the sunglasses on his head, "Told you already. Simon The Digger. Now, back to the task at hand. That minotaur? It has something you need, right?"
"Yea-yeah but hold on-"
"Then don't stop here. Keep going at it."
"But...I can't. My knife won't cut it."
"You don't need to use your knife. You've got something way better," his eyes moved toward Bell's left hand. Bell followed his gaze and lifted his palm. Inside he found the small drill that Simon had tossed him before.
Bell held the drill up to the light, "This? But it's...it's so small. It won't get through this thing's hide."
"Don't underestimate it just cause it's small. It's still a drill. And if there's one thing drills excel at, it's breaking through a hard obstacle," Simon felt a strange bit of nostalgia as he spoke. For a moment, he felt like he was talking to a kid who doesn't know what Spiral Power is. Then again, considering he was supposed to be way older than he looked right now, he supposed the comparison wasn't just hyperbole.
Bell didn't look he bought into Simon's words. Simon kept grinning, waving a hand at the dead minotaur, "There's no harm in trying, is there?"
Bell pursed his lips before turning back to the minotaur's body. He ignored the sharp smell of blood and death in the room, focusing his all on the spot where its magic stone should be. Taking a breath he holds the drill in his right hand and places its tip where he was stabbing with the knife. While shallow the wound did make a good hole to start from. Once the drill was there, he started to turn it with his hand and...nothing happened. He got a bit further in but other than that-
"It's not working," Bell said as he turned to Simon.
Simon nodded, "Of course, it won't work the first time. Hardly anything does. The point is to keep going. Keep on drilling. Cause once you've dug through the last barrier, you've won."
Simon placed a hand on his chin as he looked at the minotaur's body. Then he reached out and placed his hand over Bell's, "Here. Let me give you hand. Start turning it counter-clockwise."
Bell followed Simon's instructions. He made note of how, despite his rough looks, his hands were surprisingly soft. And his grip was rather gentle. Careful even as they started to drill through the minotaur's chest.
And drill they did. It was slow going. Lots of blood started seeping out of the wound as they got deeper and deeper into it. But as he kept going, Bell noticed it started getting...easier. The minotaur's muscles and bones didn't break in one rotation or anything. But they weren't as hard to break through as they were with his knife. In addition, the hole didn't just get deeper. It got wider. It was the size of his hand by the time Simon let his hand go. He hardly even noticed. He was too engrossed with getting at the magic stone.
Bell was elbow deep in the minotaur when he finally strike something solid. Blinking, he pulled his arm out and reached into the hole he made with his left hand. As the minotaur's body disintegrated, he pulled the large purple crystal out into the open air.
"I...I did it," he gasped out, barely convinced that he managed it himself.
He jerked forward at a sudden weight against his back. Looking to the side, he saw Simon patting him on the back. His face was split into a proud smile that reached his eyes, "Told ya you could do it! And now you've got what you were looking for. Great job, Bell! Knew you had it in ya!"
"Th-Tha-Thanks, Simon," Bell said, his lips quirking up into an awkward but genuine smile. He looked at the heavy magic stone in his hand, mind already thinking of how happy his Goddess would be to see the money he got from the exchange. But a stray thought made his expression fall. He looked over at Simon and held the magic stone out to him, "Oh, right. Sorry, Simon. This is yours. You killed the minotaur so-"
"Keep it."
Bell blinked in surprise. Then he looked over at Simon to see if he was being serious. The smile on Simon's face told him he was. Bell pointed a finger at the magic stone, then at himself, "Re-Really? But...you killed it?"
"Yeah. So?" Simon shrugged, "You're the one that did the work to get it out. You should take it. Besides, I wouldn't know what to do with it anyway."
Simon's last words went over Bell's head as he focused on the fact that Simon was just giving him a valuable magic stone. For free. When Simon didn't say he was lying, Bell got to his feet and bowed deeply to the older man, "Thank you so much! For saving me and for giving me this!"
Simon stood up and started chuckling, "No problem. Now, then, hmm...mind doing me a favor, Bell?"
"Of course! Anything," Bell said as he straightened himself up.
"Do you know what this place is? And the way out of here?"
Bell tilted his head in confusion, "You mean the way to the Guild?"
"The Guild?"
"You don't...wait...Simon...how did you get here? To the fifth floor? In fact...where did you come from when you kicked the minotaur?"
"Oh, from up there."
Simon turned around and pointed at a spot above them. Bell followed his finger to see a cliff hanging over the building they were in. At the top was a ledge that had a direct shot toward the minotaur if someone had jumped off it. Only issue?
"That's...that's at least ten meters high," Bell said.
"Yep," Simon declared.
"...You jumped from ten meters up. And kicked the minotaur in the face."
"Uh-huh."
"...Simon? Sorry if this is rude but...what's your current level?"
"Level?"
Chapter 2 is in extras , not in threadmarks as is 1 . You should change that.
Ok , nice to knowNo that was on purpose. This is a sub chapter. I plan to post the full chapter as a threadmark, so people who just want to read straight through the story can.
Even in another world they use the metric system, and yet americans want to use imperials
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I'm pretty sure simon could literally break this setting over his knee if he was so inclined, gods and all.
As in literally break the setting, as in the the whole universe danmachi this takes place in
Oh well, you're other stuff is good, I'm sure this will be too.
Huh you collapsed the chapters together and both wrote and edited more
This is a really interesting fic, I kind of hope to see Simon turning down Falna and moving forward with the spiral power, it would be a nice read, but as it is unlikely I would settle for him spreading the knowledge about the spiral to those who he believes they deserve to learn.
What do you mean unlikely?
Simon's not getting a Falna.
He doesn't need it, and it would make him beholden to someone else's rules.