Self-Medication
The Ero-Sennin
Shitposter no more
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2014
- Messages
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Let's take a quick look at some others.
Content Warning: Drug and Alcohol Use
Josephine McCormick sat on the floor in front of her brother's bedroom door, idly fanning herself with her baseball cap as she listened to the sound of wooden cabinets closing and plastic bags rustling. Normally with a day off from school in front of her, she'd have been at Zoom hours ago, but she wasn't in a very sociable mood. In fact, her attitude could be compared favorably to that of a wolverine out to make its existence everyone else's problem. Her normal inward and outward loathing notwithstanding, the current target of her ire was the source of the mild racket going on downstairs, that began to make its way up after a few more moments of tooling around.
Reaching the top of the stairs, Mr. McCormick turned and gave a start at his daughter sitting against his son's door, staring at him with an unreadable expression. He carried in his hand a large plastic bin, which itself was filled with plastic bags and cleaning supplies.
He answered her look with a wholly dispassionate one of his own, as he addressed her. "What are you doing, Josephine?"
Jo rested her head against the door and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just occupying this moment of time and space for no particular reason. What are you doing, Dad?"
"Your brother did not come home last night, even though he knows he's grounded."
That certainly did not answer her question. "… And?"
"And I'm cleaning out the junk in his room."
There it was. Jo sighed. "Yeah, didn't I say something about Drew not having his phone and having no way to contact us if anything happened to him?"
"If there was a problem, he'd find a way to call us," he answered.
Jo rested her hand on her cheek. "And what if he couldn't…?"
Her father let out a sigh of mild exasperation. "Jo, go to your room, we'll discuss Drew's whereabouts after I'm done cleaning his."
Jo shook her head. "Nah."
Mr. McCormick stopped. "… Pardon me?"
She looked down at her crossed legs. "Just nah, I don't feel like getting up."
Mr. McCormick reached up and adjusted his glasses with two fingers. "… Jo, move."
She looked up at him and spoke with a firm and pointed tone. "No, you move."
Her father frowned at her defiance. "I will move you."
Jo held out her hands, smiling. "Cool, you've never picked me up before, Dad."
Setting down the plastic bin, Mr. McCormick reached out to hoist Jo up off her butt and move her aside… when the bedroom door opened, and Drew stuck his bandaged face out to look at his sister and father. Drew opening the door clearly took his Dad by surprise, as he stood back quickly.
"… Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to sleep," he said, like his physical condition wasn't a big deal.
As Drew opened the door wider, revealing the bandages on his arms, going all the way up under his t-shirt, his father gawked at him in confusion. "When did you get home?"
"Like at around ten?" He replied, before adding. "I'm fine, by the way."
Mr. McCormick narrowed his eyes at his son. "I was up until eleven waiting for you, how'd you sneak in?"
Drew scratched his cheek as he recalled about how Star was kind enough to let him use her Dimensional Scissors to get back into his room without anyone being the wiser. "Magic."
His father's eyes widened, an intense rush of anger filling him that both he and Jo could see before he tamped it down and brought his hand up to adjust his glasses again. "Are you going to play games with me, Andrew?"
Though the corners of his lips twitched slightly upward, Drew remained impassive. "Are you going to ask why I'm covered in bandages?"
Now his father was glaring at him.
"No? Then I think we're done here. I need to sleep this off." He gestured to himself, before shutting the door. The audible click of a lock engaging surprised his father, who stepped up and turned the doorknob–only to find it unmoving.
"What's this?" He asked firmly through the door. "When did you install this?"
"More magic, Dad," Drew called back. "Now can you leave me alone?"
Jo, her hand firmly over her mouth, silently thanked Drew for turning her mood a complete one-hundred eighty. She scooted aside, as her Dad firmly knocked.
"Andrew McCormick, this is my house, and that's my door. I did not give you permission to install a lock on it," he said with a mustered authority that matched how hard he struck the door.
On his side of the door, Drew expressed his thanks to Star again for using her magic to conjure up a lock and reinforcing his door. Though she may have overdone it, not being able to use her wand and all, he had nothing but praise for the result.
His father struck it a final time, much harder than the other knocks, and took a deep, calming breath. "… I will take this door off the hinges."
"I thought this was your house and your door. Don't you remember? The hinges are on my side." Drew pointed out.
Mr. McCormick looked and saw that the hinges he would take the door off from were indeed on Drew's side of the door. Jo sounded like she was dry heaving from how hard she suppressed her laughter. Taking a deep breath, he picked up his cleaning supplies. "You want to sleep, you can sleep. But we are discussing your attitude Monday, which is the next time I want to see you out of that room."
"Does that include bathroom privileges, or do I have to use a bucket?" Drew called back.
Mr. McCormick marched off downstairs. "I'm sure you can 'magic up' something."
Soon as he was out of sight, Jo went back to Drew's door, and he opened it for her without hesitation. Slipping inside, she let him close it with his telekinesis and burst into giggles. "… What the hell, man? What was that?"
Drew, lying on his bed, rubbed his face. "After fighting Saberizer and Jara, standing up to Dad's crap is a lot easier."
"How did you sneak back in?" Jo asked.
"I called Star and she set me up with the Scissors. Also did some magic with the door."
Jo had hoped it was him using his telekinesis or something. "… Oh. Well, at least you have a way in and out of the house if you're still going to that stupid dance."
Drew nodded in agreement. "I am, Roland thought of something even better than the prank he had in mind."
She shrugged her shoulders. "I hope it ruins Brittney's entire night."
"Oh, it will," Drew promised her.
At that moment, very loud music began to play from the McCormick's home entertainment center in the living room downstairs. Both Drew and Jo stared down at the floor as The Eagles "Take It Easy" floated through the walls at a volume clearly intended to impede any kind of sleep.
Drew and Jo rolled their eyes in unison, before he pulled out a pair of noise-canceling headphones.
"Man, he is gonna be all day with it," Jo lamented.
Drew laid back in his bed. "I hate the fucking Eagles, man."
"You should tell him."
It was tempting, but… "Nah, I've gone this long without an actual fight breaking out."
Jo nodded. "… Wanna sneak out and go to Zoom, anyway?"
"Nah, I seriously gotta sleep this off. Since, you know, seeing a doctor would raise questions."
Crossing her arms, Jo weighed on that. "You know, we should get a doctor on our side. Someone who can work on us and not ask questions if we get hurt."
"There's Flabber, he assisted a Doctor," Drew suggested.
"A mad scientist quack doctor who kept monsters in his house. No, we need a real doctor."
Drew huffed in amusement. "We're still looking at back-alley surgeon at best if you want someone who's ethics put them at treating kids who get bashed up without informing parents, or authorities."
Jo's shoulders dropped at the validity of her brother's point. "Well, crap."
"You're smart, you'll figure something out," Drew assured her. "As long as it's not you trying to be a back-alley surgeon."
Jo tilted her nose up. "How do you know I won't be amazing at it?"
"I'm not willing to loan my body to science," Drew snapped back.
Letting out a laugh, Jo turned to the door. "I'm still going out, you want anything?"
"A Mexican Cheeseburger from Britta's, and more bandages, thank you," Drew said before he affixed his noise cancelers and laid back.
Watching him get comfy, Jo let out a small sigh and left his room to escape the house and The Very Best of The Eagles. Jogging down the stairs to the garage, she cast her father the barest look. He sat on his chair, a tablet in his hands, ignoring her presence entirely to stare in the direction of Drew's room while the music blared from the speakers of the Home Entertainment Center.
Shaking her head ruefully, Jo left the house for some peace and quiet elsewhere.
His father's efforts were for naught, as Drew settled in to go back to sleep–barely inconvenienced by the racket downstairs. What did prevent him from closing his eyes to drift away, was the jolt of his phone buzzing from under his pillow. With his telekinesis, he slipped the phone from beneath him and hovered it above his face.
Janna Banana said:
*Slides in 2 ur DMs* Sup Sad Kid, how's the phone? :smirk:
Rolling his eyes, he wrote back.
Dr00 said:
Im managing, and the phone is great. What do u want?
Janna Banana said:
Just making sure ur still alive, buddy. Also wanted to show u something cool.
Dr00 said:
It better not be nething weird.
Janna Banana said:
If you wanna see something weird I can come over later but you may regret it :wink:
Dr00 said:
:rolling_eyes:
Janna Banana said:
But seriously I'm watching the audition of the newest member of the DK Crew right this second.
Drew lifted an eyebrow, wondering what the heck she meant by that. He got his answer when the request for a video call suddenly popped up, again from Janna. Accepting it, he was immediately greeted by Janna making an ugly face at the camera, startling him.
"Gah!" He yelped.
"Hey Sad Kid," Janna chimed, chuckling from her little prank, before she noticed the background music. "Okay, whoever is in that house is so not a fan of The Big Lebowski."
"My Dad cannot live without listening to one Eagles song a day," Drew replied.
Janna let out a snort. "Wow, what a boomer."
"He's not even that old," Drew replied.
"He listens to boomer tunes, and not even any good ones, like Creedence or King Crimson." Janna stopped. "Hold up, I'm getting ahead of myself. Check this out."
The phone's camera turned away from Janna's face to a wide shot of Marco Diaz's backyard, where Princess Marco in all his Shadowy Radiance was squaring up against Jackie Lynn Thomas holding a broom handle with its end unscrewed like it was a bo staff. His eyebrows rose high at the unexpected sight and shot higher when Jackie took off and attacked Marco with the broom handle.
"Haaaa!" She called out as she swung the broom handle down, and narrowly missed the top of Marco's head as he twisted to the left to avoid it. With surprising competence, she hooked the handle up and thrust and swung rapidly for his head in tight circular motions, forcing him to bob and weave while he retreated and she advanced.
Marco's hands, quick as lightning, flashed into action, parrying a strike with his left hand and then with his right when she looped the broom handle over his head to swing for the other side of it. Undeterred she lunged straight, and Marco tilted his head to the left to avoid the thrust.
Parrying the broom handle up with his right palm, Marco jumped back as Jackie readjusted her grip and made short shallow strikes aimed for his head, as though she were swinging a sword down on him.
"Jackie Lynn Thomas can fight?" Drew asked.
"Always could," Janna replied. "She's more of a lover than a fighter, though. Would rather give hugs than headlocks."
After several swings, Jackie aimed low and used short sweeping motions aimed for Marco's feet and ankles while keeping out of his reach. When Marco began hopping from one foot to the other, Jackie suddenly swung the broom up for his face–but Marco was faster. His foot shot up in a high kick to kick the broom up and out of her hands.
But Jackie did not hesitate, as soon as she lost her weapon she jumped, twisted, and fired a flying roundhouse with her right foot that he blocked with his left arm. He counterattacked, driving his palm into Jackie's stomach at the same time, knocking the wind out of her before he used his left hand to strike her cheek and send her spinning to the ground.
Drew winced. "Oof."
Janna actively recoiled. "… Whoa…!"
Marco gaped in surprise for an instant, then gasped in horror. "Jackie, oh my God!"
Jackie, pushing herself up, quickly raised a hand and waved it off. "Dude, it's okay, I'm good." She coughed for a moment. "I'm good…"
She sat up on her knees and rubbed her face. In spite of taking two pretty stiff hits from Marco, she lit up in a smile. "Dang, dude, I'm glad you were holding back."
With her free hand she reached up and caught the falling broom handle before it could clock her atop her head. Twirling it hand, she drove the end into the ground and used it to slowly hoist herself to her feet with Marco's help. As soon as she was on her wobbly two legs, Marco was already checking her for any serious injury.
"Try not to move around too much, okay?" He asked as he checked her eyes whole holding her still. "How's your head? Any ringing in the ears? Do you feel sick?"
Jackie's face turned red as he looked so intensely into her eyes. "Y-yeah, I told you I'm good, Marco… I've fallen off my board enough times to know when I've gotten a concussion…"
Janna peeked into the camera shot to address Drew. "Aren't they cute?"
Marco turned to look at her. "Janna, can you go and get–"
Janna looked back and whipped a plastic first-aid kit container at him. "Medkit incoming."
Snatching it out of the sky, he gave Janna a pointed look.
She shrugged her shoulders. "Come on, Diaz, you should be impressed that I'm so considerate to think ahead of you."
"You're like this with everyone, huh?" Drew asked.
Janna brought her phone back to look at it. "Only the ones I wanna bully."
Drew let out a snort. "Aren't you greedy?"
Marco heard his voice. "Oh, hey Drew. Jackie knows about the Beetleborgs and stuff."
Hearing that, Drew did a double take. "Wait, she does?"
Jackie called over. "Yeah, I want to help how I can. Is that okay?"
He wasn't all too sure about that. "Uh… this is kind of a big deal to want to be part of. It's really dangerous, and you could get hurt."
Janna chimed in. "But think of all the perks. Jackie's got some serious skills… and she's a hugger."
"Totes a hugger," Jackie added, before suddenly glomping onto Marco and cuddling him for emphasis.
Marco made a sound not-unlike a squeak and a gurgle.
Drew gave Janna a flat look when she turned the camera back onto her. "I'm not gonna be convinced to let her join our group fighting the Magnavores with free hugs."
"Yeah, but you know Star, Mabel, and Misao totally are." She glanced back at Marco. "Him, too. But you know what he's all about."
In spite of not having interacted with Marco at all before literally a couple weeks ago, Drew explicitly knew. And sympathized.
"Besides, you've seen her fight; she took a two piece from Marco and didn't die. She'll be useful," Janna continued.
It was Marco, however, who provided reasoning that stuck. "Plus, she already knows who you guys are," he said, "It's going to be for the best to keep the people who are in the know close."
Drew immediately understood. "Well, in the spirit of pragmatism, I'm fine with it. Just uh… please run it by Dipper sooner than later?"
"I'll text him as soon as I'm tired of looking at your mug, Sad Kid," Janna teased.
And once more Drew responded with a hard look. "No bulli."
"Yessss bulli," Janna purred back, and his face colored under his bandages.
Marco called over to Janna as he finished bandaging Jackie's cheek. "Seriously, stop being such a flirt."
"Asking me to stop breathing is easier, Princess," Janna sassed back.
Jackie smirked. "It really is. She can drop her pulse to zero for like a whole minute."
Janna grew alarmed and whirled on Jackie. "Hey! Don't go showing my trump cards!"
The intensely catty smirk Jackie answered with surprised Marco and Drew as much as Janna's own indignation. "I could reveal so much more, Janna Banana~"
"Not if I make you fish food, first," Janna seethed, prompting Drew to burst into laughter, Marco joining in shortly after.
Jackie tilted her head up, looking the smuggest either young man had ever seen her. "Dude, I got clobbered my Marco and didn't die. What can you do?"
"Exact my revenge in ways that surpass physical pain," Janna promised with a colder smile of her own.
It honestly sent a shiver through Jackie. "Challenge accepted."
Drew's laughter died down to chuckling. It hurt to laugh. "Okay, okay, I have no objections to Jackie being part of the team now."
Marco agreed. "Me too, I'm gonna recommend you highly to Dipper."
Janna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, go on and sign up for my wrath with her. I'll make sure there's plenty to go around."
"If your wrath's anything like your 'bullying' I might be up for it," Drew clapped back.
Janna, now completely off her game, glowered at Drew even as a blush spread across her face. "I'll talk to you later, Sad Kid."
Drew waved at the camera. "Bye~"
Janna ended the call, and turned to Jackie and Marco, who were both now in hysterics. Her eyes narrowed, as she quickly scanned the back yard.
"She's so cute when she's flustered, right?!" Jackie asked him.
"Oh man, it's like fourth grade again!" Marco howled between his guffaws.
Jackie, looking up mid-peal of laughter, suddenly gasped with fright. "Janna, no don't you fucking–!"
She was cut off by a stream of water to the face from the Diaz residence's water hose. Marco, surprised, had even less time to react before Janna hosed him down too. On the other end of the torrent, Janna smirked as she alternated between hosing down both Marco and Jackie, preventing them from trying to rush her.
"You both can cool off; you did work up a sweat and all~" She said with all the sugar-coated malice in the world.
On his end, Drew stifled his laughter and caught his phone in hand when he sensed his father making his way up the stairs. Even with the literal walls between them, he could feel Mr. McCormick's approach and had his phone hidden away before he heard the first hard knock on the door.
"What's so funny?" His father demanded.
Drew looked towards the door, still smiling as he realized he'd been heard laughing. What unfortunate timing, he'd gotten caught between those horrible songs, and that consideration combined with the sheer freedom that came with tweaking Janna caused a glint to appear in his eyes.
"I was just laughing at how much The Eagles suck."
He closed his eyes. Through the door, just beyond the threshold, he could see it perfectly–his Dad gaping wide-eyed at the door, his nostrils flaring, his fists clenching and his veins bulging up his unimpressive neck and up to his severely receding hairline. Then, his father took a deep, long breath, and turned away from the door.
"Whatever that was, just now, will cost you dearly, Andrew," he said as he tried to stop his voice from shaking. "I do not want to see you until next week. Do you understand?"
Drew opened his eyes, feeling triumphant. "Perfectly."
His father walked away from the door, and out of the influence of his telekinesis by the time he reached the bottom of the stairs.
Drew did not miss, however, his father looking back and raising a middle finger at his door before he did.
St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses Doing Just Fine had really changed since Star last saw it. Gone was its oppressive atmosphere, robot guards, and draconian headmistress. The gothic-style castle of a school was radiant with colorful flashing lights from every window, and loud party music pumped from every speaker. Its orderly halls were now awash with fun and mayhem, as young women freed from the oppressive yokes of their prison celebrated their freedom by living their best untethered lives entire realities away from their homes.
In the main dining hall of the school, now converted into a bar and dance floor, Star lounged comfortably on a furry aquamarine-colored bean bag, sipping from a bottle of something both powerfully sweet and absurdly alcoholic as she watched Pony Head–straw wedged in he right nostril–sail down a line of violet-pink crystals, inhaling it as she went. Reaching the end of the line, Pony Head shot up and expelled the straw before letting out a cheer.
"WHOA-HO! YEAH! THIS FEELS SO GOOD!" She yelled, as her eyes developed a blue hue and similarly colored sparks showered from her horn. "Hey B-Fly! You gotta hit some of this, I just wanna dance forever!"
Star laughed as Pony Head twisted and turned to the hard pumping beat of the music. "Nah, I'm good, Pony! You do your thang, tho, girl!"
"Hahahah! More for me then~!" Pony Head cheered back before she floated up to and leaned against Star's shoulder. "But for real, girl! You and Marco are already messing around; you ain't get this far with Tom!"
Star's face turned a bright red. "Po-HEY! It's not like that!"
"Uh huh? And what kind of privileges have you been letting the BF enjoy, B-Fly?" She turned to drill her starry-eyed stare into Star. "HMMMM?"
Star looked away, sputtering into the mouth of her bottle. "Freaking Marco… for goodness sake, Pony! We're just taking it easy and going at our own pace."
Pony Head relented. "Yeah, but you do make out with him, right? Can he at least kiss?"
Letting out a giggle, Star swooned and leaned against Pony. "Oh yeah, he's amazing."
Relieved, Pony Head zipped around Star from being unable to stay still. "Good, get you some girl! Not like Tom and his 'oh my gosh we're holdin' hands' posts. That was so lame!"
Star gasped. "Hey, I made out with Tom!"
"Uh huh, then why didn't you tell me, your bestie?" Pony Head was so happy that she had the crown back. She didn't need the Kalaxian Crystals for that high.
Taking a sip of her drink, Star rolled her eyes and fessed up. "Because he didn't want his Mom to know that we were."
Pony Head let out a very horsey snort, a cloud of purple powder escaping her nostrils. "Yeah, that sounds right. You know how demon boys be all like 'The heart of pure black darkness beats in me, now give me your soul!' but then they turn around and are all like 'Oh I wuv my Mama~! I wanna be her widdle boy 4 EVER.'"
Star giggled. "Oh no, don't get me started on Tom's whole… DEAL."
"You don't have to," Pony Head insisted, "I was there for that six-hour cry after you set fire to that village."
Star desperately wanted to change the topic away from that village. "Hey, have you heard anything about Tom lately? Or Amirana?"
Pony Head was more than eager to share. "Oh my goodness, B-Fly. You don't even know. So like, the arrangement between Tom and Amirana is off, and like Tom's been stuck in the underworld because the Bounce Lounge sent his parents the bill for activating the fire suppression."
"Has anyone talked to Amirana?"
"Pfft, no?! I mean, the last anyone saw her she was all up in her library in Septarsis and she hasn't come out for anyone. But you know, that's not new."
Star threw her head back into the aquamarine fluffiness of the bean bag and groaned, before she tilted the bottle up to her lips and drained the remainder of the drink contained. "… Great, I have to ask Tom for her number now."
She couldn't go asking her Mom for Amirana's number, because then she'd ask why her sudden interest, then she'd turn it into an interrogation, and then she'd know for sure she'd been to the Bounce Lounge. On the bright side, Star couldn't be sent to St. O's, but on the other hand her Mom would find out about St. O's and if there was anyone who could bring an end to the multiverse's greatest party, it was the multiverse's greatest buzzkill, Moon Butterfly.
Pony Head got that. "Well, she's your family, and you know how I feel about family."
"… They inevitably try to kill you in order to take your birthright for themselves?" Star asked.
"Exactly!" Pony Head nodded firmly with that, before she once again cuddled up to Star. "But Amirana got played by Tom too, so she deserves like a little chance, all right?"
Star conceded to Pony Head with a determined nod. "I'll call him when I get home!"
"You should call him now while you got that buzz going, but only because I wanna see that fight," Pony Head insisted.
Star looked at her drink and dropped it unceremoniously to sink into the bean bag. "Then I'm gonna need more than this; I am not there yet."
On cue, a Princess behind the bar tossed a bottle across the dining hall-turned-night club, and Star smoothly snatched it out the air before it struck the left side of her head. "Thank you!"
"It's all good, Princess B-Fly!" Princess Bartender called back.
Star smiled back at Princess Bartender, before popping the cork of her drink and sprawling herself out on her comfortable cushion to take a long sip. "I am so glad I came here. I really needed this."
"Of course this is a better party than that lame-o dance with teacher supervision and no bar! What's the point of going to a dance if you can't get messed up? Nobody acts a fool sober!"
To demonstrate the point, both Star and Pony Head turned to the dining hall, where Princess Smooshy was performing a headspin in the middle of the dance floor while other Princesses chanted her name to cheer her on. Spinning faster and faster, the ogre-like princess quickly lost control and bowled over several other Princesses–all of them careening off the far edge of the dance floor.
Star and Pony Head burst into laughter at the sight with the other Princesses in the room, even the ones cut down by Smooshy. She herself did not hesitate to take a selfie where she lay in the center of the carnage with a call of "Camera Phone!"
Calming down after laughing herself breathless, Star looked at her drink and took another pull from it. As she drank, Pony Head continued. "But yeah, that princess wannabe wouldn't last five minutes at a real party. I thought Marco was boring, but she sounds like a bigger square than him."
Star lowered her bottle as Princess wannabe set off an epiphany. "She's kinda like Ludo, you know?"
Pony Head gasped. "You mean that freaky kappa always trying to steal your wand?"
Star turned to look at her. "… Kappa?" She nodded slowly; half confused at what a kappa even was. "The ugly little beaked guy I guess, yeah."
It had been almost a year since Star had received the Royal Magic Wand on her birthday. From the beginning she'd been targeted by monsters led by the embodiment of the small monster complex, Ludo Avarius. Almost every week, sometimes twice, he would send his goons after her, or craft some kind of scheme to catch her off guard to get the wand. It wasn't particularly difficult for her to routinely beat him and his monster henchmen when they came for her, and it got even easier after she came to Earth and met Marco.
At least until Toffee came along, but Star didn't want to think about that. This was about Ludo.
She gripped the fluff of the bean bag as she dashed any thought of that loser lizard from her mind. "Ludo's loud, mean, totally obnoxious, and he was always barking orders at his minions without actually giving a crap about them. The only difference between them is Brittney doesn't send her cheerleaders to try to take my wand from me–and she's not bad to look at either."
Taking another sip, Star noted that the bottle was half gone already. "But still, she doesn't have any friends–just people she uses and like with Ludo, one day they're going to go away and she's going to be all alone."
Pony Head wasn't sure if it was because she was coming down from her crystal high, but she suddenly had a weird feeling. "… Now tell me the part where that's great and you want to throw a party when that happens."
Star looked away from Pony Head, who floated closer to her, ominously. "… B-Fly…"
Rather than answer. Star began chugging down the rest of her drink.
Pony Head loomed even closer, the stars in the center of her pupils shining like headlights onto her. "B-Fly."
Unable to delay any longer, what with her bottle of liquid courage being drained, Star let out a gasp and shouted. "I want to be her friend, okay?! Like, I know I messed up with her super bad, and everything that's happened tells me that I need to put as much distance between us as possible but…!"
She stopped and took a deep breath. "I can't stand the thought of her ending up like Ludo! Ludo sucks and I know if Brittney had a real friend, she wouldn't suck either!"
Brittney wasn't the only one Star was thinking about. "Eventually when you push everyone away enough, they just take the hint. I'm really bad at understanding hints though, so I'm gonna be Brittney's friend… and Jo's, too."
Pony Head mulled over this. "I think you should just introduce them to Ludo instead so they could all bond over hating you."
Star glared at Pony Head. "Lilacia."
"I'm joking, girl! You know I have no doubt that you can be friends with them!" She nuzzled Star affectionately. "Just remember that I'm still your bestie and they gotta respect the hierarchy. It goes Bestie, Boyfriend, and then immediate family, and then everybody else's gotta fight for a spot in line."
Star laughed and hugged Pony Head. "Thank you so much." She pulled back. "With Mabel's help, I can definitely win them both over and squash all the beef once and for all."
Pony Head circled around Star. "You know, you need to invite her and Misao over next time, the girls have been asking about them non-stop. Also, Mabel owes me a hairstyle ascension to godhood."
"Oh sure, yeah, yeah, yeah! I'll even see if I can get Marco to show up, it'll be great!" Star giggled and rolled over on the beanbag to bury her face in it and squeal in excitement for her resolution and from her moderate intoxication.
An idea came to Pony Head, as she moved around Star to face her in her new orientation. "Oh yeah, speaking of hair. You should ask Kelly if she wants to help fight those loser monsters."
Star lifted her face from the beanbag. "Kelly…?" Her eyes darted about in confusion, as if the name had been lost to her, and then widened when by providence it had been found again. "KELLY! Oh my gosh, I almost forgot about her, she loves fighting more than Marco!"
"Yeah, and like even more than you!" Pony Head stopped and looked aside. "It's actually kinda gross? I don't get her."
Star didn't think it was weird. "Well, Kelly can't help that, she's from Woolandia. Their entire culture is built around fighting." She pulled out her compact mirror. "… I don't have Kelly's number, do you?"
Pony Head gave Star a strange look. "You don't have to call her."
Star answered with a raised eyebrow. "… Yes, I do? You want me to ask her for help and she's like… in another dimension?"
Pony Head looked down at the fluffy bean bag Star laid upon, and back up at her. "No, I mean, you've been literally laying on her the entire time you've been here."
Star went pale, looked down at the "bean bag" in horror, and only then realized it was moving like it was breathing. "OH MY GOODNESS, KELLY I AM SO SORRY!"
The bean bag did not respond.
"… Kelly?" Star asked.
Pony Head enlightened her. "Oh, she got wasted and passed out hours ago. She's gonna be like that for a while."
Star stopped and stared down at the sleeping mass of fluff. "… Huh." She returned her attention back to Pony Head. "Well, I'm not getting up, she's hecking comfortable."
If Pony Head had shoulders, she'd shrug them. "That's okay, Kelly used to always go on to me how she'd love if you sat on her.'
Star craned her head back slightly from Pony Head. "Huh?"
Just as quickly, Pony Head snapped back. "What?"
Leave a comment.
Content Warning: Drug and Alcohol Use
= - = 5.5-4 = - =
|Self-Medication|
|Self-Medication|
Josephine McCormick sat on the floor in front of her brother's bedroom door, idly fanning herself with her baseball cap as she listened to the sound of wooden cabinets closing and plastic bags rustling. Normally with a day off from school in front of her, she'd have been at Zoom hours ago, but she wasn't in a very sociable mood. In fact, her attitude could be compared favorably to that of a wolverine out to make its existence everyone else's problem. Her normal inward and outward loathing notwithstanding, the current target of her ire was the source of the mild racket going on downstairs, that began to make its way up after a few more moments of tooling around.
Reaching the top of the stairs, Mr. McCormick turned and gave a start at his daughter sitting against his son's door, staring at him with an unreadable expression. He carried in his hand a large plastic bin, which itself was filled with plastic bags and cleaning supplies.
He answered her look with a wholly dispassionate one of his own, as he addressed her. "What are you doing, Josephine?"
Jo rested her head against the door and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just occupying this moment of time and space for no particular reason. What are you doing, Dad?"
"Your brother did not come home last night, even though he knows he's grounded."
That certainly did not answer her question. "… And?"
"And I'm cleaning out the junk in his room."
There it was. Jo sighed. "Yeah, didn't I say something about Drew not having his phone and having no way to contact us if anything happened to him?"
"If there was a problem, he'd find a way to call us," he answered.
Jo rested her hand on her cheek. "And what if he couldn't…?"
Her father let out a sigh of mild exasperation. "Jo, go to your room, we'll discuss Drew's whereabouts after I'm done cleaning his."
Jo shook her head. "Nah."
Mr. McCormick stopped. "… Pardon me?"
She looked down at her crossed legs. "Just nah, I don't feel like getting up."
Mr. McCormick reached up and adjusted his glasses with two fingers. "… Jo, move."
She looked up at him and spoke with a firm and pointed tone. "No, you move."
Her father frowned at her defiance. "I will move you."
Jo held out her hands, smiling. "Cool, you've never picked me up before, Dad."
Setting down the plastic bin, Mr. McCormick reached out to hoist Jo up off her butt and move her aside… when the bedroom door opened, and Drew stuck his bandaged face out to look at his sister and father. Drew opening the door clearly took his Dad by surprise, as he stood back quickly.
"… Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to sleep," he said, like his physical condition wasn't a big deal.
As Drew opened the door wider, revealing the bandages on his arms, going all the way up under his t-shirt, his father gawked at him in confusion. "When did you get home?"
"Like at around ten?" He replied, before adding. "I'm fine, by the way."
Mr. McCormick narrowed his eyes at his son. "I was up until eleven waiting for you, how'd you sneak in?"
Drew scratched his cheek as he recalled about how Star was kind enough to let him use her Dimensional Scissors to get back into his room without anyone being the wiser. "Magic."
His father's eyes widened, an intense rush of anger filling him that both he and Jo could see before he tamped it down and brought his hand up to adjust his glasses again. "Are you going to play games with me, Andrew?"
Though the corners of his lips twitched slightly upward, Drew remained impassive. "Are you going to ask why I'm covered in bandages?"
Now his father was glaring at him.
"No? Then I think we're done here. I need to sleep this off." He gestured to himself, before shutting the door. The audible click of a lock engaging surprised his father, who stepped up and turned the doorknob–only to find it unmoving.
"What's this?" He asked firmly through the door. "When did you install this?"
"More magic, Dad," Drew called back. "Now can you leave me alone?"
Jo, her hand firmly over her mouth, silently thanked Drew for turning her mood a complete one-hundred eighty. She scooted aside, as her Dad firmly knocked.
"Andrew McCormick, this is my house, and that's my door. I did not give you permission to install a lock on it," he said with a mustered authority that matched how hard he struck the door.
On his side of the door, Drew expressed his thanks to Star again for using her magic to conjure up a lock and reinforcing his door. Though she may have overdone it, not being able to use her wand and all, he had nothing but praise for the result.
His father struck it a final time, much harder than the other knocks, and took a deep, calming breath. "… I will take this door off the hinges."
"I thought this was your house and your door. Don't you remember? The hinges are on my side." Drew pointed out.
Mr. McCormick looked and saw that the hinges he would take the door off from were indeed on Drew's side of the door. Jo sounded like she was dry heaving from how hard she suppressed her laughter. Taking a deep breath, he picked up his cleaning supplies. "You want to sleep, you can sleep. But we are discussing your attitude Monday, which is the next time I want to see you out of that room."
"Does that include bathroom privileges, or do I have to use a bucket?" Drew called back.
Mr. McCormick marched off downstairs. "I'm sure you can 'magic up' something."
Soon as he was out of sight, Jo went back to Drew's door, and he opened it for her without hesitation. Slipping inside, she let him close it with his telekinesis and burst into giggles. "… What the hell, man? What was that?"
Drew, lying on his bed, rubbed his face. "After fighting Saberizer and Jara, standing up to Dad's crap is a lot easier."
"How did you sneak back in?" Jo asked.
"I called Star and she set me up with the Scissors. Also did some magic with the door."
Jo had hoped it was him using his telekinesis or something. "… Oh. Well, at least you have a way in and out of the house if you're still going to that stupid dance."
Drew nodded in agreement. "I am, Roland thought of something even better than the prank he had in mind."
She shrugged her shoulders. "I hope it ruins Brittney's entire night."
"Oh, it will," Drew promised her.
At that moment, very loud music began to play from the McCormick's home entertainment center in the living room downstairs. Both Drew and Jo stared down at the floor as The Eagles "Take It Easy" floated through the walls at a volume clearly intended to impede any kind of sleep.
Drew and Jo rolled their eyes in unison, before he pulled out a pair of noise-canceling headphones.
"Man, he is gonna be all day with it," Jo lamented.
Drew laid back in his bed. "I hate the fucking Eagles, man."
"You should tell him."
It was tempting, but… "Nah, I've gone this long without an actual fight breaking out."
Jo nodded. "… Wanna sneak out and go to Zoom, anyway?"
"Nah, I seriously gotta sleep this off. Since, you know, seeing a doctor would raise questions."
Crossing her arms, Jo weighed on that. "You know, we should get a doctor on our side. Someone who can work on us and not ask questions if we get hurt."
"There's Flabber, he assisted a Doctor," Drew suggested.
"A mad scientist quack doctor who kept monsters in his house. No, we need a real doctor."
Drew huffed in amusement. "We're still looking at back-alley surgeon at best if you want someone who's ethics put them at treating kids who get bashed up without informing parents, or authorities."
Jo's shoulders dropped at the validity of her brother's point. "Well, crap."
"You're smart, you'll figure something out," Drew assured her. "As long as it's not you trying to be a back-alley surgeon."
Jo tilted her nose up. "How do you know I won't be amazing at it?"
"I'm not willing to loan my body to science," Drew snapped back.
Letting out a laugh, Jo turned to the door. "I'm still going out, you want anything?"
"A Mexican Cheeseburger from Britta's, and more bandages, thank you," Drew said before he affixed his noise cancelers and laid back.
Watching him get comfy, Jo let out a small sigh and left his room to escape the house and The Very Best of The Eagles. Jogging down the stairs to the garage, she cast her father the barest look. He sat on his chair, a tablet in his hands, ignoring her presence entirely to stare in the direction of Drew's room while the music blared from the speakers of the Home Entertainment Center.
Shaking her head ruefully, Jo left the house for some peace and quiet elsewhere.
His father's efforts were for naught, as Drew settled in to go back to sleep–barely inconvenienced by the racket downstairs. What did prevent him from closing his eyes to drift away, was the jolt of his phone buzzing from under his pillow. With his telekinesis, he slipped the phone from beneath him and hovered it above his face.
Janna Banana said:
*Slides in 2 ur DMs* Sup Sad Kid, how's the phone? :smirk:
Rolling his eyes, he wrote back.
Dr00 said:
Im managing, and the phone is great. What do u want?
Janna Banana said:
Just making sure ur still alive, buddy. Also wanted to show u something cool.
Dr00 said:
It better not be nething weird.
Janna Banana said:
If you wanna see something weird I can come over later but you may regret it :wink:
Dr00 said:
:rolling_eyes:
Janna Banana said:
But seriously I'm watching the audition of the newest member of the DK Crew right this second.
Drew lifted an eyebrow, wondering what the heck she meant by that. He got his answer when the request for a video call suddenly popped up, again from Janna. Accepting it, he was immediately greeted by Janna making an ugly face at the camera, startling him.
"Gah!" He yelped.
"Hey Sad Kid," Janna chimed, chuckling from her little prank, before she noticed the background music. "Okay, whoever is in that house is so not a fan of The Big Lebowski."
"My Dad cannot live without listening to one Eagles song a day," Drew replied.
Janna let out a snort. "Wow, what a boomer."
"He's not even that old," Drew replied.
"He listens to boomer tunes, and not even any good ones, like Creedence or King Crimson." Janna stopped. "Hold up, I'm getting ahead of myself. Check this out."
The phone's camera turned away from Janna's face to a wide shot of Marco Diaz's backyard, where Princess Marco in all his Shadowy Radiance was squaring up against Jackie Lynn Thomas holding a broom handle with its end unscrewed like it was a bo staff. His eyebrows rose high at the unexpected sight and shot higher when Jackie took off and attacked Marco with the broom handle.
"Haaaa!" She called out as she swung the broom handle down, and narrowly missed the top of Marco's head as he twisted to the left to avoid it. With surprising competence, she hooked the handle up and thrust and swung rapidly for his head in tight circular motions, forcing him to bob and weave while he retreated and she advanced.
Marco's hands, quick as lightning, flashed into action, parrying a strike with his left hand and then with his right when she looped the broom handle over his head to swing for the other side of it. Undeterred she lunged straight, and Marco tilted his head to the left to avoid the thrust.
Parrying the broom handle up with his right palm, Marco jumped back as Jackie readjusted her grip and made short shallow strikes aimed for his head, as though she were swinging a sword down on him.
"Jackie Lynn Thomas can fight?" Drew asked.
"Always could," Janna replied. "She's more of a lover than a fighter, though. Would rather give hugs than headlocks."
After several swings, Jackie aimed low and used short sweeping motions aimed for Marco's feet and ankles while keeping out of his reach. When Marco began hopping from one foot to the other, Jackie suddenly swung the broom up for his face–but Marco was faster. His foot shot up in a high kick to kick the broom up and out of her hands.
But Jackie did not hesitate, as soon as she lost her weapon she jumped, twisted, and fired a flying roundhouse with her right foot that he blocked with his left arm. He counterattacked, driving his palm into Jackie's stomach at the same time, knocking the wind out of her before he used his left hand to strike her cheek and send her spinning to the ground.
Drew winced. "Oof."
Janna actively recoiled. "… Whoa…!"
Marco gaped in surprise for an instant, then gasped in horror. "Jackie, oh my God!"
Jackie, pushing herself up, quickly raised a hand and waved it off. "Dude, it's okay, I'm good." She coughed for a moment. "I'm good…"
She sat up on her knees and rubbed her face. In spite of taking two pretty stiff hits from Marco, she lit up in a smile. "Dang, dude, I'm glad you were holding back."
With her free hand she reached up and caught the falling broom handle before it could clock her atop her head. Twirling it hand, she drove the end into the ground and used it to slowly hoist herself to her feet with Marco's help. As soon as she was on her wobbly two legs, Marco was already checking her for any serious injury.
"Try not to move around too much, okay?" He asked as he checked her eyes whole holding her still. "How's your head? Any ringing in the ears? Do you feel sick?"
Jackie's face turned red as he looked so intensely into her eyes. "Y-yeah, I told you I'm good, Marco… I've fallen off my board enough times to know when I've gotten a concussion…"
Janna peeked into the camera shot to address Drew. "Aren't they cute?"
Marco turned to look at her. "Janna, can you go and get–"
Janna looked back and whipped a plastic first-aid kit container at him. "Medkit incoming."
Snatching it out of the sky, he gave Janna a pointed look.
She shrugged her shoulders. "Come on, Diaz, you should be impressed that I'm so considerate to think ahead of you."
"You're like this with everyone, huh?" Drew asked.
Janna brought her phone back to look at it. "Only the ones I wanna bully."
Drew let out a snort. "Aren't you greedy?"
Marco heard his voice. "Oh, hey Drew. Jackie knows about the Beetleborgs and stuff."
Hearing that, Drew did a double take. "Wait, she does?"
Jackie called over. "Yeah, I want to help how I can. Is that okay?"
He wasn't all too sure about that. "Uh… this is kind of a big deal to want to be part of. It's really dangerous, and you could get hurt."
Janna chimed in. "But think of all the perks. Jackie's got some serious skills… and she's a hugger."
"Totes a hugger," Jackie added, before suddenly glomping onto Marco and cuddling him for emphasis.
Marco made a sound not-unlike a squeak and a gurgle.
Drew gave Janna a flat look when she turned the camera back onto her. "I'm not gonna be convinced to let her join our group fighting the Magnavores with free hugs."
"Yeah, but you know Star, Mabel, and Misao totally are." She glanced back at Marco. "Him, too. But you know what he's all about."
In spite of not having interacted with Marco at all before literally a couple weeks ago, Drew explicitly knew. And sympathized.
"Besides, you've seen her fight; she took a two piece from Marco and didn't die. She'll be useful," Janna continued.
It was Marco, however, who provided reasoning that stuck. "Plus, she already knows who you guys are," he said, "It's going to be for the best to keep the people who are in the know close."
Drew immediately understood. "Well, in the spirit of pragmatism, I'm fine with it. Just uh… please run it by Dipper sooner than later?"
"I'll text him as soon as I'm tired of looking at your mug, Sad Kid," Janna teased.
And once more Drew responded with a hard look. "No bulli."
"Yessss bulli," Janna purred back, and his face colored under his bandages.
Marco called over to Janna as he finished bandaging Jackie's cheek. "Seriously, stop being such a flirt."
"Asking me to stop breathing is easier, Princess," Janna sassed back.
Jackie smirked. "It really is. She can drop her pulse to zero for like a whole minute."
Janna grew alarmed and whirled on Jackie. "Hey! Don't go showing my trump cards!"
The intensely catty smirk Jackie answered with surprised Marco and Drew as much as Janna's own indignation. "I could reveal so much more, Janna Banana~"
"Not if I make you fish food, first," Janna seethed, prompting Drew to burst into laughter, Marco joining in shortly after.
Jackie tilted her head up, looking the smuggest either young man had ever seen her. "Dude, I got clobbered my Marco and didn't die. What can you do?"
"Exact my revenge in ways that surpass physical pain," Janna promised with a colder smile of her own.
It honestly sent a shiver through Jackie. "Challenge accepted."
Drew's laughter died down to chuckling. It hurt to laugh. "Okay, okay, I have no objections to Jackie being part of the team now."
Marco agreed. "Me too, I'm gonna recommend you highly to Dipper."
Janna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, go on and sign up for my wrath with her. I'll make sure there's plenty to go around."
"If your wrath's anything like your 'bullying' I might be up for it," Drew clapped back.
Janna, now completely off her game, glowered at Drew even as a blush spread across her face. "I'll talk to you later, Sad Kid."
Drew waved at the camera. "Bye~"
Janna ended the call, and turned to Jackie and Marco, who were both now in hysterics. Her eyes narrowed, as she quickly scanned the back yard.
"She's so cute when she's flustered, right?!" Jackie asked him.
"Oh man, it's like fourth grade again!" Marco howled between his guffaws.
Jackie, looking up mid-peal of laughter, suddenly gasped with fright. "Janna, no don't you fucking–!"
She was cut off by a stream of water to the face from the Diaz residence's water hose. Marco, surprised, had even less time to react before Janna hosed him down too. On the other end of the torrent, Janna smirked as she alternated between hosing down both Marco and Jackie, preventing them from trying to rush her.
"You both can cool off; you did work up a sweat and all~" She said with all the sugar-coated malice in the world.
On his end, Drew stifled his laughter and caught his phone in hand when he sensed his father making his way up the stairs. Even with the literal walls between them, he could feel Mr. McCormick's approach and had his phone hidden away before he heard the first hard knock on the door.
"What's so funny?" His father demanded.
Drew looked towards the door, still smiling as he realized he'd been heard laughing. What unfortunate timing, he'd gotten caught between those horrible songs, and that consideration combined with the sheer freedom that came with tweaking Janna caused a glint to appear in his eyes.
"I was just laughing at how much The Eagles suck."
He closed his eyes. Through the door, just beyond the threshold, he could see it perfectly–his Dad gaping wide-eyed at the door, his nostrils flaring, his fists clenching and his veins bulging up his unimpressive neck and up to his severely receding hairline. Then, his father took a deep, long breath, and turned away from the door.
"Whatever that was, just now, will cost you dearly, Andrew," he said as he tried to stop his voice from shaking. "I do not want to see you until next week. Do you understand?"
Drew opened his eyes, feeling triumphant. "Perfectly."
His father walked away from the door, and out of the influence of his telekinesis by the time he reached the bottom of the stairs.
Drew did not miss, however, his father looking back and raising a middle finger at his door before he did.
@@@@@
St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses Doing Just Fine had really changed since Star last saw it. Gone was its oppressive atmosphere, robot guards, and draconian headmistress. The gothic-style castle of a school was radiant with colorful flashing lights from every window, and loud party music pumped from every speaker. Its orderly halls were now awash with fun and mayhem, as young women freed from the oppressive yokes of their prison celebrated their freedom by living their best untethered lives entire realities away from their homes.
In the main dining hall of the school, now converted into a bar and dance floor, Star lounged comfortably on a furry aquamarine-colored bean bag, sipping from a bottle of something both powerfully sweet and absurdly alcoholic as she watched Pony Head–straw wedged in he right nostril–sail down a line of violet-pink crystals, inhaling it as she went. Reaching the end of the line, Pony Head shot up and expelled the straw before letting out a cheer.
"WHOA-HO! YEAH! THIS FEELS SO GOOD!" She yelled, as her eyes developed a blue hue and similarly colored sparks showered from her horn. "Hey B-Fly! You gotta hit some of this, I just wanna dance forever!"
Star laughed as Pony Head twisted and turned to the hard pumping beat of the music. "Nah, I'm good, Pony! You do your thang, tho, girl!"
"Hahahah! More for me then~!" Pony Head cheered back before she floated up to and leaned against Star's shoulder. "But for real, girl! You and Marco are already messing around; you ain't get this far with Tom!"
Star's face turned a bright red. "Po-HEY! It's not like that!"
"Uh huh? And what kind of privileges have you been letting the BF enjoy, B-Fly?" She turned to drill her starry-eyed stare into Star. "HMMMM?"
Star looked away, sputtering into the mouth of her bottle. "Freaking Marco… for goodness sake, Pony! We're just taking it easy and going at our own pace."
Pony Head relented. "Yeah, but you do make out with him, right? Can he at least kiss?"
Letting out a giggle, Star swooned and leaned against Pony. "Oh yeah, he's amazing."
Relieved, Pony Head zipped around Star from being unable to stay still. "Good, get you some girl! Not like Tom and his 'oh my gosh we're holdin' hands' posts. That was so lame!"
Star gasped. "Hey, I made out with Tom!"
"Uh huh, then why didn't you tell me, your bestie?" Pony Head was so happy that she had the crown back. She didn't need the Kalaxian Crystals for that high.
Taking a sip of her drink, Star rolled her eyes and fessed up. "Because he didn't want his Mom to know that we were."
Pony Head let out a very horsey snort, a cloud of purple powder escaping her nostrils. "Yeah, that sounds right. You know how demon boys be all like 'The heart of pure black darkness beats in me, now give me your soul!' but then they turn around and are all like 'Oh I wuv my Mama~! I wanna be her widdle boy 4 EVER.'"
Star giggled. "Oh no, don't get me started on Tom's whole… DEAL."
"You don't have to," Pony Head insisted, "I was there for that six-hour cry after you set fire to that village."
Star desperately wanted to change the topic away from that village. "Hey, have you heard anything about Tom lately? Or Amirana?"
Pony Head was more than eager to share. "Oh my goodness, B-Fly. You don't even know. So like, the arrangement between Tom and Amirana is off, and like Tom's been stuck in the underworld because the Bounce Lounge sent his parents the bill for activating the fire suppression."
"Has anyone talked to Amirana?"
"Pfft, no?! I mean, the last anyone saw her she was all up in her library in Septarsis and she hasn't come out for anyone. But you know, that's not new."
Star threw her head back into the aquamarine fluffiness of the bean bag and groaned, before she tilted the bottle up to her lips and drained the remainder of the drink contained. "… Great, I have to ask Tom for her number now."
She couldn't go asking her Mom for Amirana's number, because then she'd ask why her sudden interest, then she'd turn it into an interrogation, and then she'd know for sure she'd been to the Bounce Lounge. On the bright side, Star couldn't be sent to St. O's, but on the other hand her Mom would find out about St. O's and if there was anyone who could bring an end to the multiverse's greatest party, it was the multiverse's greatest buzzkill, Moon Butterfly.
Pony Head got that. "Well, she's your family, and you know how I feel about family."
"… They inevitably try to kill you in order to take your birthright for themselves?" Star asked.
"Exactly!" Pony Head nodded firmly with that, before she once again cuddled up to Star. "But Amirana got played by Tom too, so she deserves like a little chance, all right?"
Star conceded to Pony Head with a determined nod. "I'll call him when I get home!"
"You should call him now while you got that buzz going, but only because I wanna see that fight," Pony Head insisted.
Star looked at her drink and dropped it unceremoniously to sink into the bean bag. "Then I'm gonna need more than this; I am not there yet."
On cue, a Princess behind the bar tossed a bottle across the dining hall-turned-night club, and Star smoothly snatched it out the air before it struck the left side of her head. "Thank you!"
"It's all good, Princess B-Fly!" Princess Bartender called back.
Star smiled back at Princess Bartender, before popping the cork of her drink and sprawling herself out on her comfortable cushion to take a long sip. "I am so glad I came here. I really needed this."
"Of course this is a better party than that lame-o dance with teacher supervision and no bar! What's the point of going to a dance if you can't get messed up? Nobody acts a fool sober!"
To demonstrate the point, both Star and Pony Head turned to the dining hall, where Princess Smooshy was performing a headspin in the middle of the dance floor while other Princesses chanted her name to cheer her on. Spinning faster and faster, the ogre-like princess quickly lost control and bowled over several other Princesses–all of them careening off the far edge of the dance floor.
Star and Pony Head burst into laughter at the sight with the other Princesses in the room, even the ones cut down by Smooshy. She herself did not hesitate to take a selfie where she lay in the center of the carnage with a call of "Camera Phone!"
Calming down after laughing herself breathless, Star looked at her drink and took another pull from it. As she drank, Pony Head continued. "But yeah, that princess wannabe wouldn't last five minutes at a real party. I thought Marco was boring, but she sounds like a bigger square than him."
Star lowered her bottle as Princess wannabe set off an epiphany. "She's kinda like Ludo, you know?"
Pony Head gasped. "You mean that freaky kappa always trying to steal your wand?"
Star turned to look at her. "… Kappa?" She nodded slowly; half confused at what a kappa even was. "The ugly little beaked guy I guess, yeah."
It had been almost a year since Star had received the Royal Magic Wand on her birthday. From the beginning she'd been targeted by monsters led by the embodiment of the small monster complex, Ludo Avarius. Almost every week, sometimes twice, he would send his goons after her, or craft some kind of scheme to catch her off guard to get the wand. It wasn't particularly difficult for her to routinely beat him and his monster henchmen when they came for her, and it got even easier after she came to Earth and met Marco.
At least until Toffee came along, but Star didn't want to think about that. This was about Ludo.
She gripped the fluff of the bean bag as she dashed any thought of that loser lizard from her mind. "Ludo's loud, mean, totally obnoxious, and he was always barking orders at his minions without actually giving a crap about them. The only difference between them is Brittney doesn't send her cheerleaders to try to take my wand from me–and she's not bad to look at either."
Taking another sip, Star noted that the bottle was half gone already. "But still, she doesn't have any friends–just people she uses and like with Ludo, one day they're going to go away and she's going to be all alone."
Pony Head wasn't sure if it was because she was coming down from her crystal high, but she suddenly had a weird feeling. "… Now tell me the part where that's great and you want to throw a party when that happens."
Star looked away from Pony Head, who floated closer to her, ominously. "… B-Fly…"
Rather than answer. Star began chugging down the rest of her drink.
Pony Head loomed even closer, the stars in the center of her pupils shining like headlights onto her. "B-Fly."
Unable to delay any longer, what with her bottle of liquid courage being drained, Star let out a gasp and shouted. "I want to be her friend, okay?! Like, I know I messed up with her super bad, and everything that's happened tells me that I need to put as much distance between us as possible but…!"
She stopped and took a deep breath. "I can't stand the thought of her ending up like Ludo! Ludo sucks and I know if Brittney had a real friend, she wouldn't suck either!"
Brittney wasn't the only one Star was thinking about. "Eventually when you push everyone away enough, they just take the hint. I'm really bad at understanding hints though, so I'm gonna be Brittney's friend… and Jo's, too."
Pony Head mulled over this. "I think you should just introduce them to Ludo instead so they could all bond over hating you."
Star glared at Pony Head. "Lilacia."
"I'm joking, girl! You know I have no doubt that you can be friends with them!" She nuzzled Star affectionately. "Just remember that I'm still your bestie and they gotta respect the hierarchy. It goes Bestie, Boyfriend, and then immediate family, and then everybody else's gotta fight for a spot in line."
Star laughed and hugged Pony Head. "Thank you so much." She pulled back. "With Mabel's help, I can definitely win them both over and squash all the beef once and for all."
Pony Head circled around Star. "You know, you need to invite her and Misao over next time, the girls have been asking about them non-stop. Also, Mabel owes me a hairstyle ascension to godhood."
"Oh sure, yeah, yeah, yeah! I'll even see if I can get Marco to show up, it'll be great!" Star giggled and rolled over on the beanbag to bury her face in it and squeal in excitement for her resolution and from her moderate intoxication.
An idea came to Pony Head, as she moved around Star to face her in her new orientation. "Oh yeah, speaking of hair. You should ask Kelly if she wants to help fight those loser monsters."
Star lifted her face from the beanbag. "Kelly…?" Her eyes darted about in confusion, as if the name had been lost to her, and then widened when by providence it had been found again. "KELLY! Oh my gosh, I almost forgot about her, she loves fighting more than Marco!"
"Yeah, and like even more than you!" Pony Head stopped and looked aside. "It's actually kinda gross? I don't get her."
Star didn't think it was weird. "Well, Kelly can't help that, she's from Woolandia. Their entire culture is built around fighting." She pulled out her compact mirror. "… I don't have Kelly's number, do you?"
Pony Head gave Star a strange look. "You don't have to call her."
Star answered with a raised eyebrow. "… Yes, I do? You want me to ask her for help and she's like… in another dimension?"
Pony Head looked down at the fluffy bean bag Star laid upon, and back up at her. "No, I mean, you've been literally laying on her the entire time you've been here."
Star went pale, looked down at the "bean bag" in horror, and only then realized it was moving like it was breathing. "OH MY GOODNESS, KELLY I AM SO SORRY!"
The bean bag did not respond.
"… Kelly?" Star asked.
Pony Head enlightened her. "Oh, she got wasted and passed out hours ago. She's gonna be like that for a while."
Star stopped and stared down at the sleeping mass of fluff. "… Huh." She returned her attention back to Pony Head. "Well, I'm not getting up, she's hecking comfortable."
If Pony Head had shoulders, she'd shrug them. "That's okay, Kelly used to always go on to me how she'd love if you sat on her.'
Star craned her head back slightly from Pony Head. "Huh?"
Just as quickly, Pony Head snapped back. "What?"
= - = 5.5-4 = - =
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