Rathmun
"Not interested" is not hate speech.
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Finally! A fuckup that doesn't confuse me!
Besides the edginess of this sentence alone, twas a good chapter.The question was spoken in no language she knew, no language spoken by any living being. It was the language of the dead and the dead alone.
I think we're operating on rather different definitions of what the word "edgy" means.Besides the edginess of this sentence alone, twas a good chapter.
Missing quotation mark."This is Arila," Cali corrected the girl with a smile. "My hometown, and seat of our Barony. Engewal is more than ten times this size, seat of both the Duchy and Kingdom of Acheria."
If that is the worst error I made in this chapter, I consider it a resounding success.
I think we're operating on rather different definitions of what the word "edgy" means.
I was honestly going for a bit cheesy in that sentence, to help capture the experiences of a child witnessing something bizarre and inexplicable.
But edgy? I just don't see it.
Certainly not compared to such scenes as the undead disemboweling people and/or eating their faces. Or some asshole shooting a little girl with a crossbow. Now that is edgy.
Fair enough, we are in complete agreement, that was a cheesy line. I try to change the language of the story a bit when dealing with Elruin experiencing magic, make it more childish as well as fantastical.
heelsDeath was all but literally at its heals, and instinct alone commanded the beast.
That should be a dash instead of a semicolon, as the second part is not a sentence.Fire was a good way to cleanse just about any magical energy; except fire itself, of course.
Plans were dashedPlans dashed when she saw the heavy wooden gates had been closed behind her.
a largerAs she approached her dolly, it extracted larger, blocky object from the depths.
Larger than the dagger by far, Elruin at first thought it might be a small shield covered in much, but then the skeleton set it on his lap and began wiping the dirt away.
Huddled in the back of her tiny shelter, Elruin can think of no way out of the mess.
It wouldn't take long for the wolves to figured that out, and then she'd be killed and eaten.
teemedThe forest teamed with life even, perhaps especially, at night, and there was nothing special about the wolves other than that they were larger than most creatures in the woods.
Elruin sang for it still, bolstered its power, and was rewarded by the sight of Black carving through Orange, releasing a torrent of spilled lifeforce that took not but seconds to go from orange to the dim blue of lifeless material on the ground.
itsA fourth rushed into the shelter, it's massive jaws open wide with the intent of stopping the necromancer, and so ending both the song and the skeleton.
reflexElruin acted on reflect, blasting the monster in the face with her bolt; for a moment it slowed in confusion as the necromantic energies struck its skull and dimmed the life energies coursing through its brain and all but shutting down higher reasoning for a moment.
Unfortunately for Elruin, this form of magically-inflicted dementia accomplished little to against the instincts driving the monster forward on its attack; predator by nature, it didn't need to think in order to kill.
had left behindOnce outside, she got a look at the carnage her attackers left behind.
lossShe cried for the relief that she survived, for the pain of her broken limb, her family abandoning her to the woods, and above all else for the lost of the only true friend she'd ever known in her life.
She didn't hate it, but it never rated high enough in her attention to merit an opinion, it simply was a thing she had always been there, and she expected always would be there.
"praying", unless that's a new species with a punny nameIt looked somewhat human, but in many ways more like the occasional preying mantis her brothers caught on the farm and tried to scare her sisters with when they felt like being mean.
the other animals are "a"Some dryads are intelligent, but this one is around the level of a smart dog, with the personality of the cat, and the power of a dragon.
ledThen she chased after Cali who, to her surprise, lead Elruin into the cellar instead of outside.
Undue. "undo" is when you return things to their former state. When I first read that portion, I thought there was a spell to "undo" someone's actions.
It's going to turn out that the inquisitor stuff about the deads bollux ain't it, after all, the skeleton in the beginning of the story was very much alive, if only at first.
That would be major spoilers.It's going to turn out that the inquisitor stuff about the deads bollux ain't it
Not by any traditional definition of "alive", but I get your meaning. However, sapience neither proves nor disproves the prevailing theories of the undead in the setting. After all, the spirits of volcanoes can be sapient, too.after all, the skeleton in the beginning of the story was very much alive, if only at first.
rather thanShe was surprised to learn there was a farmer's guild, then disappointed to learn it was about selling food made on the farms than doing any farming.
dressed in aAn older woman dressed a formal black combat uniform of leather stood there.
wereHer stern face and reserved body language was oddly comforting to Elruin, though it made the guards uncomfortable.
Extra space there. I tried indicating it with a background color change, but that doesn't seem to work properly. The change is visible in the editor, but not in preview.
Of He-Man fame? A universe where many characters (including the main villain) are canonically of a power level that trades blows with Superman? Granted, they'd lose, but so did The Hulk... the MotU setting is absurdly powerful even by comic book standards. Skeletor, hammy clown that he is, is a legitimate "punch the ground, kill a city" grade powerhouse... be like trying to fight The Hulk, except that Midara has a lot of mind and emotion mages, so they have a chance against Hulk.Imagine if Skeletor walked out, he'd basically be the most powerful threat to the universe in this setting.
Of He-Man fame? A universe where many characters (including the main villain) are canonically of a power level that trades blows with Superman? Granted, they'd lose, but so did The Hulk... the MotU setting is absurdly powerful even by comic book standards. Skeletor, hammy clown that he is, is a legitimate "punch the ground, kill a city" grade powerhouse... be like trying to fight The Hulk, except that Midara has a lot of mind and emotion mages, so they have a chance against Hulk.
Midara's not a setting which treats casual city-breakers as minor problems. Mind control parasites, yes, but not city-breakers.
The introduction of the college topic was a bit abrupt. Unless I missed something, the alternatives weren't mentioned anywhere? There was a vote on the quest side which listed possibilities, but not shown here?
tooLike most of the rooms she'd seen, it seemed to large for its purpose, with a table that was well made, but looked small compared to the floor it stood on.
DiningDinning while we await Lord Garit's arrival would be save time.
That team was not but the lowest rung of their organization, and if we took all of them alive, I doubt we'd know more than we now do.
I thought "academies" was mentioned often enough... it's plural, which means there must be more than one academy, which implies she'd have to choose one to go to. The College (of High Thaumaturgy) is one of the academies. I guess I could spell it out more clearly, but I didn't think it was that much of a leap to make the connection.The introduction of the college topic was a bit abrupt. Unless I missed something, the alternatives weren't mentioned anywhere? There was a vote on the quest side which listed possibilities, but not shown here?