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Only Human (Goddess of Victory NIKKE SI)

Chapter 94 - No Rest for the Wicked New
===
Chapter 94 - No Rest for the Wicked
===

On his way back to the Outpost elevator, Joe remembered something very particular, and diverted to the Central Government Headquarters. Quickly finding his way up to a familiar floor he'd not visited in a while, it didn't take long for him to emerge into Andersen's office. His old friend was in the middle of hammering away at his computer, and seemed rather surprised to see the junior Commander appear.

"Commander Pholus, I wasn't expecting you," he remarked as he mucked around on his computer a bit more—double-checking the office's anti-surveillance systems no doubt.

After allowing a moment for Andersen to relax, thus indicating that they were doubtlessly safe to speak freely, Joe moved to take one of the seats across from the man's desk, settling down with a light hum. "You're rather late for that meeting in Shangri-La's Command Centre, you know," the junior Commander noted somewhat blithely. Best to exercise a degree of caution regardless of the fact that Enikk was likely actively monitoring them and redoubling their security.

The elder man clearly understood the point being made, however, and so he lightly grimaced at the statement. "...Yes, I am. I have, however, been needing to work myself like a dog to account for your meteoric rise to fame, in my defence," he said, presenting an expression equal parts bemused and annoyed Joe's way as he interlinked his fingers atop his desk. "Considering even the likes of Talentium are talking about you now, it's making my job increasingly difficult."

Joe blinked, and somewhat sheepishly reached up to rub the back of his neck. "Uh, well… That hasn't exactly been intentional on my part."

"Which makes it all the more annoying, having to watch Mr. Big over here casually knock everything around him over because he isn't paying attention to where his Johnson is going as he whips around like a lunatic," Andersen very dryly noted, presenting his younger fellow a flat look.

"I'm suddenly getting flashbacks to Red Hood with having my junk be so casually brought up in conversation like this…" Joe remarked with an embarrassed groan, bringing a hand to his face as he grimaced in a measure of distaste. "I've just been dealing with shit as it comes up. It's not like I've been deliberately causing a stir!"

"You didn't 'deliberately' seduce Red Hood and Ellie either," Andersen noted with all the moisture contained within the Sahara. "To say nothing of that one time with Rapunzel."

"I-" Joe started, his heart threatening to leap from his throat upon Andersen mentioning Cinderella, which caused the knife to flash in his mind's eye again, only to immediately crash and stop. "-That what with Rapunzel?" He asked, brow furrowing in genuine confusion.

There was a pause. A very pregnant pause as Andersen gave Joe a long, expressionless stare. When Joe brought his hands up in confusion, as if to compel the elder man to speak, Andersen sharply replied with: "Nothing, don't worry about it."

"-Huh?" Joe cried, blinking in abject confusion.

"It's nothing, I was just fucking with you, don't worry about it," Andersen asserted very forcefully before aggressively moving on. "You're remarkably skilled at making waves, regardless. It's almost as though there's a reason you've found yourself in the position you have."

Though the younger man was confused by that, it was all Joe could do to just shrug and move on, given that Andersen would just make stuff up all the time back in the day, after all. "Look, shit keeps happening around me, and everyone keeps making a huge deal of it. It's always been that way, and it seems like it always will."

"Yeah, that is how it kept working out with us," Andersen noted with a sigh. "The fact that you were just supposed to be the squad's figurehead to keep the brass off of our necks lives rent free in my head, considering the insanity that keeps cropping up around you, and how you seem predestined to be wed to fame, at any and all costs."

Joe leaned back in his seat, going limp as he allowed that fact to wash over him. Yeah. It never seemed to end. Talk about some bullshit. But, that aside… "So, that being said: when do you think you'll be able to come visit?"

Andersen looked at his computer, considered it for a few moments after clicking on a few things, and replied: "Everyone's just milling around the Outpost?"

Joe started to reply, only to halt as he remembered an important detail. "Snow just left for the Northern Base before I came down to the Ark, actually."

"Ah. Well then," Andersen adjusted his cuffs contemplatively. "I think it would be best if we waited until she returns. Best if everyone's back together for… That meeting."

Nodding shallowly, Joe had to agree. "Yeah, actually. I'll send you a message once everyone's ready for that."

"Sounds like a plan," Andersen said, letting out a small sigh before he contemplated the aether for a time. "That being said… 'Shangri-La?' Seriously? That's what you went with?"

Brow furrowing, Joe took some small measure of offence as he replied: "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"'Outer Heaven' was right there!" Andersen asserted, leaning forward in his seat, genuine dismay painted across his features. "What were you thinking, just throwing away the perfect name, wasting a perfect opportunity like that? When we were this close to greatness!?"

Joe stared at Andersen blankly for several long moments, his brow knitting as he processed that accusatory inquiry. "...Are you out of your fucking mind?" Was Joe's legitimately quietly angry reply.

Andersen was visibly taken aback by the audible heat in the junior Commander's voice, and wasn't given the chance to immediately speak back.

"Outer Heaven was a glorified terror state run by a bloodthirsty madman that went out of his way to tell Snake that killing people felt better than sex to him, that a life without war was a life not worth living, and that Snake, being a 'warrior,' was just the same as him," Joe continued actually glowering at Andersen outright. "The entire point of Outer Heaven as an idea was to give Big Boss the means to keep killing, slaughtering men en masse, causing war, explicitly and by his own admission deliberately creating child soldiers so there would always be a war to fight, men to kill. A world where peace would never exist, could never exist."

"Outer Heaven's name is ironic and blunt: it's a place outside of Heaven—literally Hell. A Hell where soldiers would never even receive the opportunity to be anything but a soldier, because there can be no place in Heaven for killers. A Hell where soldiers are born, live, and die on a pointless, purposeless battlefield, creating the next generation of soldiers who too, will never know the peace of Heaven by design."

"A place where the lives of soldiers are entirely without worth. Where they exist for the express purpose of being thrown into a pointless meat grinder from which no worth can be extracted, at the behest of officers that think of them as nothing more than tools to perpetuate their pointless forever war that exists for its own sake, of which there can be no winners or losers. And you expected me to name the Outpost after that nightmare? To inflict that fel augur on a place meant to be a refuge for Nikkes in a world that already is exactly what Outer Heaven was meant to be?"

Leaning forward in his seat, Joe all but snarled the end of his rant at Andersen outright. "'Outer Heaven' already exists here: a place where Nikkes exist for no other reason than to fight and die pointlessly for the pleasure of the mad men that've taken control of society and made themselves enemies of humanity in doing so. It's called 'the Ark,' you fucking donkey!"

Andersen was taken aback, needless to say. Staring wide-eyed, recoiling in his seat. He didn't know how to respond, pupils momentarily darting about, visibly overwhelmed.

Joe's eyes narrowed significantly, and he asked rhetorically: "You've never actually played the MSX Metal Gear games, or critically examined Big Boss in Peace Walker or The Phantom Pain, have you?"

"A-anyways…" Andersen inelegantly attempted to shift the topic, caught off-guard by how harshly he'd been rebuked, and just how betrayed he retroactively felt by Genius Kojumbo for portraying Big Boss as such an unequivocally cool and good guy without flaws in later games, if he was actually so bad at first. "I've still got some work to do here, so, you should head out and let me know as soon as we're good for that meeting-" Pausing, his eyes widened as something came to mind. "-Ah right, expect a call from Ingrid. She's going to be needing Counters for another mission soon."

Rolling his eyes at Andersen's once more revealing how shallow and uncritical his consumption of media was, Joe instead let out a long sigh. "No rest for the wicked, huh? Will there actually be time for that meeting, at this rate?" The older man was a dumb ass, and Joe had been legitimately pissed off at the 'Outer Heaven' suggestion, but Andersen clearly hadn't actually known better, so the younger man would let it go unless the Deputy Chief Commander tried to push it again later.

"It depends on how long Snow White is occupied," Andersen said with a shrug. "I suppose we'll see."

"I suppose we will," Joe rose to his feet, already tired by the knowledge that another mission was fast approaching. "Anything else before I go?"

"No, just," Andersen halted, contemplating the cuffs of his jacket. "Be prepared. This may wind up being a deeply demanding mission."

"Like every other one I've been on since I woke up in that fucking hospital bed," Joe sighed in bone-deep defeat. "Same shit, different day. Let's hope that meeting happens sooner rather than later." He shot the Deputy Chief Commander a half-assed salute as he started to move for the exit. "Smell you later, loser."

"Goodbye forever, see you never," Andersen shot back even as he proceeded to refocus on his computer, already tapping away at it on rapid-fire.

Such was their lot as military officers.



"'Heretic fragments?'" Joe repeated the term as he gazed out the window overlooking Shangri-La.

"Yes," Ingrid affirmed the question as she elucidated over the phone. "The remnants of the Heretic that was defeated by Absolute and Matis a few months ago. We haven't been able to retrieve them up to now on account of the dangerously powerful flames left in the wake of the Heretic's destruction."

"Too dangerous for even Nikkes to approach?" Joe asked.

"Vesti had to have her hand replaced because she got too close to the flames, and her fingers started to melt and fuse together from the radiant heat alone," Ingrid replied matter-of-factually. "Simply put: yes."

"Holy shit," Joe rubbed at his brow, shocked by the implications of just how intensely hot those flames must have been burning to be able to melt Goddessium at all, let alone so quickly.

"Indeed," was Ingrid's dry reply.

"How did killing the Heretic even produce fire anyway? They're Corrupted Nikkes, and Nikkes don't tend to explode when they die in my experience."

"Indivilia's exposed core was struck by lightning at the end of the fight," Ingrid elaborated. "The current theory is that the energy transfer from that interaction explosively overloaded her core. Hence the explosion."

"...So a powerful electrical strike can kill a Heretic if it hits their core directly," Joe mused, filing that point away for later reference. "Duly noted. I suppose these 'Heretic Fragments' have an entirely self-descriptive name, and we're literally being sent to collect the leftover fragments of this 'Indivilia?'"

"That's right," Ingrid declared simply. "The Central Government has been riding our asses about retrieving them ever since. Understandably, all things considered. We don't get very many opportunities to capture Heretic materials for study, as you might imagine. Area H has been off-limits since then."

"Area H?" Joe inquired.

"The crater left in the wake of the explosion," Ingrid noted matter-of-factually. "No Nikke squads have been permitted to so much as attempt approaching it since. Luckily, Andersen is high enough up on the ladder that he was able to get us special permission to do so. Doubly so considering the flames have died down."

Joe hummed in contemplation as he observed Cinderella—wearing that perilously short sundress of hers—attempt to climb a scaffolding with an I-beam loaded on her shoulder at a construction site. 'Attempt' being the keyword, as Liter had latched onto her leg and was making a very valiant attempt to wrestle the white-haired beauty to the ground to stop her exhibitionism. An attempt which was very much going in Liter's favour, to note, given that Liter had Nikke strength, while Cinderella's featherweight frame meant that she was only somewhat heavier than an unaugmented human woman of her size ought to have been.

The sight was actually pretty funny, considering the size difference between them and how Cinderella couldn't really leverage her flight abilities to win the tug-of-war with the pint-sized foreman, given that Ark Nikkes weren't supposed to be capable of flight.

That aside… "So this is an officially sanctioned operation, then?" Joe inquired as he idly rubbed at his bearded chin.

"With a dedicated operator and everything," Ingrid answered easily. "You've worked with Shifty before according to the records I checked. She's reliable and professional. She also tends to exercise discretion when it comes to bearing witness to things the Central Government would generally expect to be reported to them. We can consider her trustworthy unless you do something exceptionally untoward or illegal on the surface."

"That's good to know," Joe replied as he leaned on the wall framing the window, continuing to observe Liter's dogged attempts to prevent Cinderella from flaunting her admittedly perfect cheeks to anyone she could, causing Joe to idly ponder the fact that every woman that seemed interested in him on this branch of creation turned out to be a pervert to some degree. "So, it'll just be myself and Counters going in for this?"

"Absolute will also be accompanying you," Ingrid noted pointedly. "Indivilia is, by all reports, very dead, but we aren't taking chances with this. If she somehow stitches herself back together the moment she senses Nikkes nearby or something like that, we want those that have already demonstrated a capacity to fight her effectively on hand to maximize your chances of survival. Hence the reason I'm also cashing in that favour to have Matis be put under your Command for the operation as well."

"Matis… Missilis' big name squad, yeah?" Joe remarked with a hum. "If you're so quick to vouch for them, then I'm not going to complain about the extra firepower."

"While they may be…" Ingrid started, trailing off as she seemed to consider her next words carefully. "Most comparable to a gaggle of uncorralled headless chickens," holy shit did that comparison cause a pit to form in Joe's stomach real quick, considering that was apparently Ingrid putting it diplomatically. "They are also second only to Absolute. They're among the most powerful Nikkes to have ever been produced by the Ark. Teamed up with Absolute and Counters? I'd be surprised if you three wouldn't make short work of Indivilia if she did wind up reasserting herself out there."

"That's good to know," Joe nodded as though Ingrid could see him doing so over the phone. He didn't like the notion of encountering another Heretic after having been slam-jammed by Mordernia- Marian, so easily even with Snow White and Scarlet on their side, but if this 'Indivilia' had been 'dead' for months now, she was actually probably just dead. "But, speaking of firepower… Neon? Will she be fit to join us?"

"Right, Neon." Ingrid started, sounding intensely fatigued by needing to address her in the first place. "Long story short? Raptilion is a known quantity in the Ark, Commander. Neon hasn't undergone a Mind Switch, and everything she reported to you was the plain truth."

Joe blinked, stared blankly out the window, and eventually replied, "Huh?"

"Yeah," Ingrid sighed before she continued. "I checked her Audio/Visual recordings myself. She sought out and engaged with Raptilion for an extended period of time. Raptilion, as noted, is a known quantity. He's actually rather infamous, in fact. To the point of being on the Central Government's watch list, given his… Unorthodox opinions and research on Raptures."

Joe was about to ask, but then he recalled Neon's ramblings about Raptures being 'friends.'

At once, he recalled the campaign of extinction that had been waged against humanity. The millions killed. The uncountable deaths, the knowledge that so many had to be abandoned on the surface and left to the 'mercy' of the Raptures when the Ark was sealed.

All the lost knowledge, the destroyed cultures, and functionally extinct ethnicities as genocide had been blindly, but no less successfully performed on so many distinct peoples, leaving so precious few to descend into the Ark. Had the Ark not been built so near the Canadian-American border, not been able to pull on the melting pot nature of both North American populations alongside those who had escaped in such small numbers from the rest of the world as it had fallen… The Ark would have turned out even more starkly homogeneous than it already was.

And this 'Raptilion' wanted mankind to make nice with those same Raptures, to become friends with humanity's enemy?

The very notion, now that he knew it wasn't just the deranged rantings of a Mind Switched Nikke, actively infuriated him. With nostrils flaring, he shook his head, making an active effort to calm himself down. This 'Raptilion' was clearly a God damned fool, not someone worth wasting thoughts on. So Joe wouldn't, and would instead just focus on his duty: reclaiming the surface and utterly destroying the Raptures to make Earth mankind's again.

"Neon's tougher than she seems, huh?" The Commander changed the subject away from this Rapture apologist with no small amount of audible heat to his voice, for the sake of his own blood pressure, if nothing else. "I was certain that something in her must have snapped, but she really came out of that whole misadventure no worse for the wear?"

"The only thing she really needed was a shower and a change of clothes," Ingrid replied, allowing the topic to shift with no resistance. "We did do a proper maintenance cycle on her regardless, since we already had her here at Elysion HQ, but yes, there's a reason I assigned her to you. She's basically a solid rock wall as far as stability goes on top of being genuinely competent. Eccentricities aside."

"I'll be sure to rely on her more going forward, then," Joe said as he pushed off the wall next to the window and started to move to sit at his desk. "Estimated time on when we should expect to be deployed?"

"Within the next few days. Make sure your squad is prepared. Even if you're unlikely to encounter a living Heretic out there, the surface is always dangerous. Though if anyone would be aware of that, it would be you."

Powering on his computer with his free hand, Joe started going through the process of sorting out documentation and logistics ahead of time. Though… "Can't risk bringing Pioneer along on account of it being an official operation, yeah?"

"The less attention we bring to them in an official capacity, the better," Ingrid replied dutifully. "There's a reason I'm cashing in on that favour with Syuen to have Matis shore up your projected combat effectiveness in their absence, just in case."

"Fair enough," Joe said as he opened the planning programs Commanders were expected to use (but likely very rarely ever actually did use) to prepare for deployments. "Anything else before I focus on preparations?"

"No," Ingrid stated simply enough. "I'll let you know if anything important comes up, but this should be a fairly straightforward operation, all things considered."

"Understood. I'll get to it, then," the Commander acknowledged her assertion.

"As you were, Commander," Ingrid declared in her typical authoritative way before she cut the call.

Pausing, Joe mused on the 'straightforward operation' bit.

Meaning it was 50/50 odds of being jumped by Chatterbox again.

Joe really hoped they wouldn't wind up getting jumped by Chatterbox again.

They were totally gonna be jumped by Chatterbox again.

Shit.
 
Ohhhh my.
We are finally meeting Matis. This is going to end in explosions, heroism, ham and sheer epic. Though, mostly explosions and ham. Hope they don't get corrupted they way they were in canon. Their corruption was the first part of the tragedy that left the Ark in such a place it got in canon.
Funny enough, with me starting the game a couple of months ago, Drake was my main Nikke carrying through everything. Alongside Alice, which is truly Red Hood lite. I haven't managed to get Laplace, though. Birdie needs for the hero to come!
*starts preparing window replacement kits*
 
Ohhhh my.
We are finally meeting Matis. This is going to end in explosions, heroism, ham and sheer epic. Though, mostly explosions and ham. Hope they don't get corrupted they way they were in canon. Their corruption was the first part of the tragedy that left the Ark in such a place it got in canon.
Funny enough, with me starting the game a couple of months ago, Drake was my main Nikke carrying through everything. Alongside Alice, which is truly Red Hood lite. I haven't managed to get Laplace, though. Birdie needs for the hero to come!
*starts preparing window replacement kits*

Friend, use spoiler.
Please.
 
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Joe really hoped they wouldn't wind up getting jumped by Chatterbox again.

They were totally gonna be jumped by Chatterbox again.

Shit.

Think of it this way Joe, you got experience now putting down an enemy a tier lower than Chatterbox, so surely you'd be able to pop its eyeballs at least
 
Joe doesn't need Neon to jinx things, he's perfectly capable of jinxing himself :D
 
Ah, but you see, Joe, that's exactly why you missed the naming opportunity; giving your new land a pretty name changed nothing about its residents. In your optimism, you fail to recognize that you've accurately described exactly what the outpost is. Your argument betrays a lack of self-awareness. Nikkes remain an oppressed class of super-soldiers tasked with protecting the Ark and you remain one of their commanders. You, who is tasked with deciding which humanoid superweapon risks becoming a heap of scrap on the frontlines of a war against a seemingly inexhaustible foe, have refused to acknowledge reality. Shangri-la, while it may be sweet, is, and will remain, a lie so long as the Central Government exists and Raptures roam the surface... just like Eden. [Antagonist Monologue End]

Edit: Oh yeah, as always, thanks for the chapter. This story's goated.
 
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Now, you might believe the true foreshadowing was the lightning weakness of the core but don't be fooled by such an obvious red herring!

The real thing is going to be Anderson doing a 48h Livestream playing all the Metal Gear games until his daughter throws a shoe at him. Believe it!
 
Now, you might believe the true foreshadowing was the lightning weakness of the core but don't be fooled by such an obvious red herring!

The real thing is going to be Anderson doing a 48h Livestream playing all the Metal Gear games until his daughter throws a shoe at him. Believe it!
Okay, look.
The real reason Mustang underwent an Adonis conversion was because a) he could hit that griddy, b) so he could do livestreams 24/7, without need for pesky baseline human things like sleeping.
And Andersen is secretly jealous of that ability.
 
Up until about chapter 79 I have been thoroughly enjoying this fanfic. I think you as an author have been doing a very good job of portraying these very memorable characters in fun and interesting lights without losing their complexity.

But what changed my opinion on this fic is the treatment of Joe, Cinderella, and Dorothy in the chapters that followed Chapter 78.

Allow me to explain, beginning with the treatment of Joe and Cinderella.

What you as the author intended for the events of chapters 79 and 80 are very clear. Your own statements over on spacebattles make the intended interpretation of the text very clear.

According to your intended interpretation, Joe has been pathetic in the extreme, his outburst against Anis was him lashing out while at his lowest point, and his subsequent scolding at the hands of Cinderella is both his comeuppance for that, and the aggressive drop start to his 'redemption arc'.

This interpretation strikes me as blatantly incorrect, because, barring that one outburst against Anis, Joe has done literally nothing wrong.

He has been wildly successful in literally every single one of his missions, had exactly one(1) death under his command, which was both entirely not his fault and not even a real death, and has been doing it against impossible odds.

Like two chapters prior to his dressing down Joe has captured an entire other sector filled with pre-rapture technology and supplies, killed a Lord-Class Rapture himself, and done it all without Pionier or any casualties. This alone would be by far the greatest achievement of anyone else's career, but Joe has been so incredibly competent that it receives zero focus in the chapters that follow.

To be clear, I am not being obtuse. I understand that the regression is with regards to the treatment of his Nikkes. It's just that I want to put it in perspective just how hypercompetent Joe is.

In less than six months (As a guess of the timeline, I have not been paying much close to the passage of time, and I'm much too employed to go through and pin down an exact timeline for this fic) Joe has:

-Killed two Tyrants
-Defeated a third twice
-Defeated a Heretic
-Killed a Lord
-Retaken territory for humanity for the first time in decades, allowing for the formation of Shangri-La
-Headed Shangri-La's construction, serving as the mayor in addition to his duties as a Commander.
-Retaken a lost pre-IRI stronghold, reclaiming massive amounts of pre-Rapture tech, most notably not one, but two Harmony Cubes
-Tracked down and recovered the entirety of the long since thought dead Goddess Squad
-And did it all with, again, only one death under his command, which again, was neither his fault nor an actual death

The idea that Joe is in any way regressing is just absurd. Especially when you consider that, from the facts presented within the story, Joe during the Initial Rapture Invasion was in a far better position.

He had better tech, better support, and the prime Goddess Squad in his corner, against a Rapture that, from what I understand, is much less adapted against humanity.

The goddess squad, before 100 years of degeneration, with full regular maintenance and supplies, are orders of magnitude more powerful than they are in the present day. That, plus Andersen and his Nikkes, and actual whole armies for backup, and no cloak and dagger corporate conspiracies to worry about, and far less trauma mean that Joe straight up had it better back then.

But okay. This isn't about how he does out in the field. This is about how he's treating his Nikkes.

So far, in terms of blunders, Joe has lashed out at Anis and… not much else. He's being told that he has been keeping them at arm's length unfairly and that it's been negatively affecting his Nikkes, notably Rupi, but to be frank that is some bullshit.

To begin with nobody is owed his love, and as another reader over on spacebattles has said, making it seem otherwise is textbook narcissist behavior from Cinderella.

She made it sound like she waited for him for 100 years, but from what is said and shown, it is not nearly as romantic as she made it sound. The facts are that he was dead, and she had no other romantic options.

Nikkes in general seem to be considered undatable, just based off the fact that we have yet to see a Nikke who isn't single and also gorgeous. And Cinderella has spent a significant portion of those 100 years wandering the wastelands of the surface away from civilization.

But I digress.

I don't have a real issue with Cinderella's actions. Her motivations and perspective makes that course of action understandable, even if it paints her in a bad light. I've been known to love a yandere, and a yandere isn't a yandere if they don't draw blood.

My issue is that the narrative treats her as completely and unequivocally in the right, despite the fact that she is blatantly hypocritical and incorrect. She is telling him that he needs to accept help from other people, while also telling him off for needing the help in the first place. Even though the real damage is in Rupi, who herself receives no judgement for being 'weak' like Joe did.

And then in the following chapters, Joe is just better overnight. He's just 'over' his trauma, and everybody is better for it, and Cinderella is just in the corner smug that she was right.

I could have just let it slide if it wasn't indicative of a shift in quality. Less than ten chapters later, Dorothy is treated arguably even worse.

Eden is straight up the best option for Joe and his crew, and rejecting them because of their ethical objections is the wrong opinion on two different levels.

The first level, the practical level, is obvious. Eden is far and away superior to the Ark as a base organization for Joe. They have far better technology, far more competent soldiers, far less internal opposition, no Central Government ready to make Joe commit suicide via 9mm to the back of the head if he steps out of line, and no need to hide Pioneer or his active progress towards defeating the Rapture. The only place where they are in any way inferior is in numbers, the Ark has a much higher population, but even that is irrelevant, as Joe has been deploying with tiny squads of two to six Nikkes under Ark, and practically no backup.

The second level, the ethical level, is also obvious, so much so that it is pointed out in the chapter itself. Joe is 100% okay with killing Central Government agents, and has done it in the past. He personally killed all but five of the Council before. In flashbacks, he has been shown to order them to simply allow casualties in allied human armies. Him taking such a big issue with Eden just doesn't make sense. Executing Commanders after they surrender isn't even Eden Policy. It's just Dorothy who does that. And while child soldiers are bad, I'd argue that the Ark is significantly worse ethically, judging by how they treat the Nikke, and the fact that they are actively driving humanity towards extinction with their extreme malicious incompetence.

The third level, the interpersonal level, is the only one that makes any sense. The rest of Goddess had chosen to be pilgrims instead of staying in Eden. Logically, they would still choose to side against Eden, and logically Joe would end up siding with the majority, just because he doesn't have much of a spine. But ultimately I cannot approve of this just because of how it played out.

Put simply, Eden has in no way been shown to be more dangerous than the Ark. The aggressive distrust that Joe treats Eden with is more or less entirely unfounded. Eden welcomes turncoats, as long as they can pull their weight in a warzone, and Joe is the centerpiece of an anti-Central Government conspiracy, and also easily the greatest commander of all time. Even in the worst interpretation of their policy, he's completely safe to step foot in them. Especially considering the fact that he would have the entire reunited Goddess squad ready to back him up if the local government tried to start something with him.

Idk man, I'm ending this rant here. It's too damn long anyway.
 
The Blacksmith was defeated on account of Joe's legitimate command. Gravedigger was down to luck and Neon acting of her own accord. Counters would have been mulched to a man had she not set up those explosives without bothering to ask Joe for permission first.
-Defeated a third twice
The only other Tyrant that has been encountered by Joe and his teams is Chatterbox. Counters and Wardress got slapped around by Chatterbox in Vancouver while Joe ineffectually contributed literally nothing to the fight. Snow White showing up and saving their asses does not count as Joe being 'hypercompetent.' Nor does it count as Joe being 'hypercompetent' when he, again, contributed nothing to Scarlet dismembering Chatterbox without any direction from him whatsoever.
This has not happened, full-stop. The only Heretic that has been encountered so far is Modernia, who slam-jammed the asses of everyone but Rapi with no contest the instant she stopped toying with them, and Rapi had to flip the suicide switch to land a single effective hit on Modernia. Had Snow White not happened to be present, and had the Northern Base not been nearby and in possession of both a super-cooling maintenance bay and a stockpile of Rapture parts to jury-rig into replacement parts, Rapi would have died as a consequence of Joe's decision to pursue Modernia.

Calling that 'defeating a Heretic' is stretching the definition of 'winning' so far that it beggars belief.
Which got the drop on the team to the point that defeating it necessitated Joe acting as an active combatant, which Commanders are never supposed to do owing to their defenseless nature. Sunny almost died saving him from this mistake as well. Again, Joe salvaged a bad situation he walked everyone into. Barely.
-Retaken territory for humanity for the first time in decades, allowing for the formation of Shangri-La
Again, something that has not happened, full-stop. The Outpost is, and always was held by humanity. It was just neglected and left undeveloped because the Central Government considered it to be of no worth, to the point that Andersen and Ingrid both had to alter records and throw their weight around to make it look like the CentGov had left a massive, gaping hole in the Ark's defenses by not actively manning it. Considering that the Outpost was just left sitting unattended for a whole-ass century without Raptures getting into the Ark through it, evidence would suggest that it actually really wasn't all that important too.

The Outpost is not on the surface, it is in a cavern between the Ark and the surface. Conflating Joe's doing the functional equivalent of moving into an abandoned office building on the outskirts of a city with conquering a contested and active warzone on the surface is outright comical.
-Headed Shangri-La's construction, serving as the mayor in addition to his duties as a Commander.
It's been noted that Mighty Tools has been helping with this. To the point that Joe has been effectively rubber stamping paperwork for Liter so she can largely operate on her own perogotive and with minimal oversight afterwards. The most he's done besides that in terms of administrative work is basic budgeting, because Nikkes aren't legally allowed to do that to begin with.
-Retaken a lost pre-IRI stronghold, reclaiming massive amounts of pre-Rapture tech, most notably not one, but two Harmony Cubes
With minimal actual resistance aside from the aforementioned Lord class, because there weren't many Raptures actually inhabiting the Oregon Lost Sector in the first place. There being a second Harmony Cube was dumb luck, not a stroke of genius on Joe's part.

To say nothing of the fact that the Oregon Lost Sector wasn't 'retaken.' It was cleared out, had the copper wiring stripped out of the walls for resources, and was promptly abandoned again given that occupying it was never in the cards, nor even entertained as such. There's nothing to gain in trying to control uninhabitable and incomplete copies of the Ark lacking in any life support systems aside from basic emergency lighting.
-Tracked down and recovered the entirety of the long since thought dead Goddess Squad
Again, dumb luck. Especially given that if Snow White and Scarlet hadn't happened to have been actively hunting down Chatterbox in the Arctic at the time, Chatterbox would have escaped from Counters with Joe in hand with ease. A situation Joe found himself in to begin with because of how sloppily he approached and handled the entire operation in the Arctic the moment they stepped into the field.

Afterwards, he was literally told where to meet up with Pioneer as a whole. He was actually given the information that Snow White was seen in the Arctic via Andersen's scouting contacts. Him getting in contact with Pioneer is less an accomplishment pointing to his competence, and is more attributable to him being himself, given that Pioneer would have actively avoided literally any other Ark Commander for obvious reasons.
-And did it all with, again, only one death under his command, which again, was neither his fault nor an actual death
Because Joe displays basic competence on top of having the Devil's luck. This is less attributable to him being an amazing Commander, and more his just not being a gussied-up pig to be paraded before the masses before being literally thrown to the wolves by the Central Government.

This all considering that Rapi would have died, and it would have been his fault, if not for the dumb luck of the specific circumstances in which Rapi was forced to initiate Exceed.

Joe only seems hypercompetent by comparison to the average Ark Commander, and the Central Government that actively sandbags and sabotages high-profile surface operations to keep humanity trapped in the Ark and under their thumb. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is King. The likes of Johan, Dorothy's current Commander would know.
The idea that Joe is in any way regressing is just absurd. Especially when you consider that, from the facts presented within the story, Joe during the Initial Rapture Invasion was in a far better position.

He had better tech, better support, and the prime Goddess Squad in his corner, against a Rapture that, from what I understand, is much less adapted against humanity.

The goddess squad, before 100 years of degeneration, with full regular maintenance and supplies, are orders of magnitude more powerful than they are in the present day. That, plus Andersen and his Nikkes, and actual whole armies for backup, and no cloak and dagger corporate conspiracies to worry about, and far less trauma mean that Joe straight up had it better back then.
Goddess was also able to flat-out retake London, England from the Raptures in the middle of the IRI before the surface was entirely abandoned by the United Forces of Humanity. Hence the note that Goddess as a whole was knighted by the British Crown by Ludmilla. To say nothing of pushing the entirety of the Rapture invasion force back from Mexico to the Orbital Elevator in South America, which was also their initial invasion point.

Joe's modern accomplishments actually rather pale in comparison to even what little has been shown of Goddess in the IRI proper. To a rather depressing degree, considering he keeps walking ass-first into basic ambushes and only surviving by the skin of his teeth and a shitload of luck.

'Hypercompetent' my ass. The man's just been absurdly lucky and decent at operating under pressure after he makes mistakes.
Eden is straight up the best option for Joe and his crew, and rejecting them because of their ethical objections is the wrong opinion on two different levels.
Eden is a reproductive dead end. It does not have the population to sustain long-term human development without severe reproductive bottlenecking. This considering that 99/100 of all women that join Eden are Nikkes, and are therefore not capable of reproduction in the first place at that.

Abandoning the Ark means choosing to play Russian Roulette with five out of six cylinders loaded, ostensibly because one doesn't want to have deal with the necessary headache of eliminating the Central Government without risking destroying the Ark in the process. Eden has no means of eliminating the Central Government without open warfare that would risk the destruction of the Ark in whole. Eden has about a snowball's chance in Hell of retaking any meaningful amount of the surface without having the Ark, intact, helping them. Hence the reason Eden's holdings consist entirely of Eden itself, in the middle of the Okanagan Desert, and just that selfsame parcel of land the archology was built on top of no more than sixty years prior.

Dorothy and Johan are the biggest dogs in Eden, and they are both aggressively and unreasonably violent towards the Ark. Joe barging in with Pioneer to lay claim to the city-state in opposition to Dorothy and Johan because he's the Legendary Commander and everyone should listen to him will produce an immediate civil war that would result in Eden being functionally destroyed, at best. This especially considering that Johan is as much a living legend as Joe is, and unlike Joe, a massive portion of Eden's population were previously around to directly serve under Johan in the Second Surface Reclaimation Campaign in the first place. Johan alone has far, far more weight to throw around Eden than you're giving him credit for, to say nothing of the fact that it was Dorothy that founded the city-state to begin with.

So, no, Joe defecting to Eden outright while Dorothy and Johan are both outright hostile to the Ark would do nobody any good in the long term, or even the short term. Any chance mankind has of being able to begin meaningfully retaking the surface begins with the Central Government being dealt with—without sacrificing the Ark in the process—so that Eden has their largest bugbear eliminated, thus allowing proper cooperation to begin between the two factions as the Ark has its general culture and direction corrected to align with the purpose of actually working towards reclaiming Earth.
 

You know what, that's on me. I should have been more clear when listing his accomplishments. Joe is a bog standard normal human, with zero prospects of being upgraded. I've been attributing the achievements of his squad while they are under his command to him, because he has never and will never become a primary commitment. I've been under the impression that Joe, as Commander, has ultimate responsibility for whatever happens out in the field, both good and bad, because that is how it is for military officers IRL.

If you interpret things like that, yeah. Joe has accomplished jack shit this entire story, and is overall kind of a bum. But do you understand what that means for your story, though?

It means that almost everything Joe's done before and after his coma is worthless, because it's all done by his squad, rather than him specifically. As a matter of fact, his achievements during the IRI are even more worthless, because he wasn't even the real tactician or the guy in charge, that was Lilith and Andersen, I believe.

Like, the Goddess Squad retook London because they were just extremely powerful, not because of anything Joe did. He had no hand in building them, no hand in training them, he didn't even really come up with their strategies.

Under this lens, what is even the point of Joe? Like what does he actually do? We're 330k words in, and so far all Joe's done is... land a lucky shot? Why should I even keep reading? He isn't going to do any more in the future, he's still going to keep being just a guy, and if the way you've been talking about him is any indication, that isn't going to change, and idk if I want to keep reading a story about a dude who is basically a puffed up cheerleader.

Regardless of all that, Eden, under the facts of this story, is still the best option for Joe. All that stuff you just said has come up exactly zero (0) times in the actual fic. And even if it did, there is still the fact that going full all or nothing is a dumb way of looking at it. You said it yourself, Johan and Dorothy are both top dog in there, and unless they are going to kidnap him, he could go full double agent. Even just having Goddess join up to back them up in expansion in return for maintenance and supplies would be huge(I'd assume).

There are steps in between "Fuck all of you, I'm staying with the facist and racist CG" and "Fuck the Ark I'm staying with Eden", and Joe choosing to go with the first option is just a stupid choice.
 
There are steps in between "Fuck all of you, I'm staying with the facist and racist CG" and "Fuck the Ark I'm staying with Eden", and Joe choosing to go with the first option is just a stupid choice.
Correct, which is why he's on the "Plotting to overthrow the oppressively authoritarian regime and install a competent government that actually cares for it denizens, retaking the surface, and the survival of humanity" side of the argument, which you would know if you actually read the story.
 
and idk if I want to keep reading a story about a dude who is basically a puffed up cheerleader.
That's kinda what the commander is in canon? I don't know, since most of the time the Nikkes are the ones doing the fighting than him leading them. Maybe later he actually started leading them? But the guy had amnesia at the start, but still managed to defeat Blacksmith at the prologue, technically since it was Anis and Rapi who defeated it. But I can safely assume that Nikkes have some form of tactics and strategies downloaded in their NIMPH.
 
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Chapter 95 - Peak Performance New
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Chapter 95 - Peak Performance
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"No rest for the wicked, huh," Anis bemoaned the situation as virtual soldiers traded fire on the Command Centre TV's screen. "I really don't like the idea of poking around a place where another damned Heretic was…"

"A confirmed dead Heretic, though," Joe countered as another virtual soldier shifted from a sprint into a slide, taking a potshot at Anis' character with a decidedly non-regulation .44 magnum revolver, scoring a headshot and dropping her with a single bullet.

"Bullshit!" The blonde cried out, huffing and slapping her controller against her meaty thighs with a loud 'thwap!' "-But, anyways, that doesn't really make me feel much better, you know."

"You don't like our chances when we'll be going in as one of the few squads in the Ark with a reputation for brutalizing Tyrants, in addition to Matis and Absolute being there? This, considering they were the ones that killed said Heretic to begin with?" Joe inquired as his guy spun in place, firing his rifle into the air to celebrate his victory.

"...Oh," Anis looked upwards in consideration, weighing the context of the upcoming situation in the lull between matches. "How the heck did you manage to bag Absolute and Matis for an operation to begin with?"

"Syuen owed Ingrid one," Joe remarked matter-of-factually. "Plus, since this is an official operation, it'll look good for Missilis if Matis helps with finishing what they and Absolute started.

Anis hummed, leaning back in her seat as her fingers thrummed against the underside of the controller in her hands. "I feel like something bad is going to happen regardless…"

"Of course something bad is going to happen, we're going to the surface. Most things that happen on the surface are bad," the Commander remarked dryly. "Being soldiers means committing to being subject to bad shit all the time."

The blonde whined, kicking her legs rather petulantly at that. "Why does everything have to be such crazy bullshit all the time? Why can't everything just be normal…?"

"Consider for a moment who all of us are, and consider for a moment how 'normal' excursions tend to go for the average Nikke squad that gets deployed to the surface," Joe suggested to the somewhat immature woman, shooting her a lidded glance. "Us being 'normal' was never an option. Now, we gonna play another match, or not?" He inquired as he refocused on the communal TV. "...Still can't believe that CoD of Duty BlOps Ops is still ongoing a century and a whole-ass apocalypse later…" He remarked with no small amount of awe and disgust lacing his tone.

A few moments passed in awkward silence. Joe turned back to Anis, to see her glaring at him, her big golden eyes glowering with utter, sneering disgust. To say nothing of the tone with which she proceeded to address the Commander. "Can you please don't ever talk again, thank you," she inelegantly demanded of the man, clearly, having intensely disliked the way he referred to the game they were playing.

Silence hung between the pair for a good while after that. Silence in which the pair did not blink, nor move an inch as they gazed into each other's eyes with incredible intensity. Such were the conditions when Anis saw Joe's lips curl up most churlishly, his expression twisting into some demonic approximation of an ear-to-ear toothy grin. From the back of his throat, a quiet chuckling could be made out, and the former idol could tell: he'd baited her, and she'd taken the bait hook, line, and sinker.

As if she'd let that stand.

"You wipe that shit-eating grin off your big dumb face right now!" Anis demanded as she all but leaped to her feet, tossing her controller aside to land on one of the heavily cushioned single-seaters resting alongside the couch. "You aren't clever! Annoying, stupid word salad-tossing bastard! Wipe it off before I wipe it off for you!"

In response, Joe's expression twisted yet further, knowing that he could so easily get a rise out of Anis, he raised his free hand to point at the bodacious blonde, laughing loud and deep as he knew that he'd won, and would forever win going forward.

Joe's laugh sounded downright villainous. Deep, reverberating, like a cartoon character. That really pissed Anis off, on account of his making fun of her. So, she responded reasonably and as a responsible, respectable adult would. "You were warned!" She all but screeched as she lunged at the Commander that chortled like a cave troll at her. Though he yelped at having a Nikke come right at him like a spider monkey, he was pinned to the couch without being hurt, even as Anis began smushing his face with the palm of her hand as if to literally wipe the look off his face. "Perish!" She demanded of him.

In reply, the laughter redoubled, Joe deciding that he would double down and put the pedal to the medal. He could annoy the grenadier, and he had. Thus, he would point and laugh at her impotent rage, for that shouldst rather annoy Anis! Hehehehehe!

"Why you-!"
Anis was most annoyed by his attempt to annoy her, and so she worked harder to wipe that smug, shit-eating grin off of his face, to seemingly little effect.

What did give Joe pause, however, was when the leftovers of one of Anis' terrible Splendamin bars fell from the back of the sofa, bouncing off of his lips and eliciting a sharp cry of terror. Anis had terrible taste in snacks, and the Commander damn near had to taste one of these things that had nearly fallen into his mouth. "Keep those disgusting poopfeast bars of yours away from me!" He cried in an exaggerated, clownish tone of voice.

There was a pause in the battle, one in which the glare produced by Anis became particularly sharp. Joe stared up at Anis, who straddled the helpless Commander. Anis stared down at the man who had dared to offend her sensibilities. Her hand shot out, snatching up the partially-eaten green peas and mayonnaise-flavoured Splendamin bar, holding it up as if to call all attention to it.

Joe's eyes went wide. Anis' eyes narrowed to vicious slits.

Crying out from the back of her throat, in as deep a cadence as her naturally girlish voice would allow, Anis bellowed out a singular command to the Commander. "EAT." She ordered her superior officer in the instants before she attempted to shove the stale Splendamin bar into his mouth.

Initially, Joe cried out in horror as he barely avoided escaping the flavour of Anis' abominable snack, however, the man that held the line against the apocalypse had not earned his reputation by knowing when to fold 'em and surrender when under unreasonable amounts of fire.

So instead, he continued to chortle and present a maddened grimace at the blonde even as he squirmed to avoid being force-fed gross snack foods. This only served to further aggravate the blonde, who pressed all the harder to destroy the Commander for his temerity.

Joe's evil, villainous laughter echoed throughout the Command Centre, and even carried through the windows overlooking the street, to whomever might hear.

And hear someone did. As was announced by a muted shout heard through the window, a shrill, high-pitched cry of "Villain, beware-!" accompanied by music suddenly blaring out, this too, muted by the thick, heavy windows of the building. A cry cut off by a loud, crashing bang, followed by a harsh thump on the outside and a whining "Oooowww, it hurts, why does it hurt?"

Anis had snapped back to sharply turn to the window, even as Joe too sat up to look at it in shock as well. It was cracked, as though something had just been flung into it and come dangerously close to breaking through entirely.

As fun as it was to tussle with Anis after trolling her, that seemed concerning. So, the displaced Canuck rolled off the edge of the sofa, eliciting a startled "Eep!" from Anis as she had to catch herself in accordance with being pulled off along with the man.

Joe quickly up-righted himself and moved for the window. Upon approaching it, he was met with the sight of… A tableau, to say the least. Three very distinct figures were on the other side, one of whom was clearly extremely agitated at the smallest one, who was currently rolling around on the sidewalk, pitifully clutching her forehead.

Taking a deep breath as Anis sidled up next to him, Joe reached over, unlatched the window, and slid it open, which caused the Command Centre Common Room to be hit by a very loud, very triumphant heroic musical theme which ill-befitted the current situation.

"It hurts!" Whined a small, blonde girl with trailing twintails messily splayed out on the ground beneath her, enshrouded in a massive, puffy white winter coat as she squirmed about in pain. "Why does it hurt?"

"I told you, damn it!" A taller blonde, one with much shorter, closer to ginger hair declared in unabashed aggravation. "Mighty Tools reported that they were testing those new anti-Laplace windows up here in the Outpost! Why would you be surprised when trying to jump through a window specifically meant to prevent YOU from jumping through them causes you to just brain yourself like an idiot!?"

"But why does it hurt, Maxwell?" the smaller blonde, Laplace, evidently, cried again, curling up on her back like a dead spider, she whined heavily as that incredibly heroic background music inexplicably played from- Her? Kind of like Mustang and his background music, come to think of it… "Heroes don't hurt!"

The taller blonde—apparently Maxwell—with her hair cut short aside from messy bangs and clavicle-length sidelocks which framed her face, reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose with an exasperated sigh. She was, as pretty much all women Joe encountered in the Ark were, stunning. Big blue upwards-swept eyes, fair skin, a trim, very athletic and toned figure stood in stark contrast to Anis' soft and jiggly form, average chest aside. She looked like she could have been an all-star athlete, she was so sculpted. Hell, her bare stomach was so toned that she had what looked like the very beginnings of abs.

Joe didn't care much for that level of chiselled tone on women himself. He liked his ladies soft to the touch, but he understood why many would appreciate her visible dedication to cutting such an aggressively sporty form.

Her figure aside, her head was capped with a visor not unlike Privaty's, though with what resembled stubby diamond-shaped horns framing Missilis branding rather than the more standard military insignia the bluenette had. She wore a dark, cleavage-accentuating sports bra under a tri-colour winter jacket with a fur-lined hood, one which was much more commonly cut off at her hips. The sleeves and shoulders of the coat were stark white, with the main torso being black with neon green highlights. The article of clothing was also adorned with Missilis branding, making her affiliation quite clear at first blush.

Her lower half, notably, was covered with some kind of tech leggings that almost looked the part of exposed synthetic muscle fibres at a glance. A closer inspection revealed that they were, in fact, a kind of form-fitting sleek armour. They were obviously pants, pants which reached all the way up to her true waistline at the sides, but plunged all the way down to her crotch in a sharp V-shape.

She was very easy on the eyes, to say the least. Even with her face twisted up in open distaste and dismay at the antics of her fellow.

Yet, it wasn't the girl still rolling about on the concrete sidewalk that demanded all immediate attention next. "Hah! As expected of a foolish hero! A Villain would never impulsively make such a fool of them self like this!"

This one cut a very distinctive figure compared to the other two. Where they were blondes, her hair was silvery white, parted down the centre and to trimmed just meet the upper lids of her eyes, with the sides and back evenly bobbed in line with her chin. Her eyes were beady, sharp and angular like a predatory beast, and a cocky grin was plastered on her starkly pale features. Though she was flat-chested and slim, she did have a noticeably trim waistline and decently shapely hips that belied a respectably womanly nature.

Notably, her attire stood out for looking the part of some sort of antagonist. Aside from black hair clips on her sidelocks and a distinctive tapestry-like red earring, she wore a shoulderless black and red leotard under a matte black breastplate and red armoured cape trimmed and lined in white. The shiny leotard seemed purposefully designed to suggestively call all attention to the exposed strip of bare flesh between her hips and thighs. Her leggings otherwise left no skin bare, being similarly tech-based like Maxwell's. The armour on her legs consisted of flattened red horn-blades, cutting an aggressive image when coupled with the angular pauldrons adorning her shoulders.

"Shut up, Drake, you aren't helping!" Maxwell demanded of the most villainous-looking of the trio.

"Villains rarely do!" Drake asserted as she leaned back, laughing into the false sky of Shangri-La, setting a hand on her exposed hip and the other on her chin. "-Except for when someone really needs help! Then a Villain helps, because if a Villain doesn't help, then that means that they haven't taken the opportunity to mislead a poor fool into believing them to be helpful and trustworthy! Which a smart Villain will then take advantage of… By never betraying their trust! Thus subverting their expectations of a Villain being traitorous, and making them look even more like an easily tricked fool! Hahaha! Such is the way of the most duplicitous of Villains!" Drake once more leaned back to project her cartoonishly evil laughter skywards.

Maxwell just buried her face in her hands in readily apparent embarrassment, audibly grumbling under her breath as she did so.

Joe and Anis stood and stared, utterly blank-faced. Joe didn't know what to even begin to make of this display, while Anis mused, "I've heard that Matis is a walking clown show before, but to actually see it with my own eyes…"

Oh. Matis. Meaning the squad that was supposed to accompany Counters and Absolute to collect the Heretic Fragments.

Joe watched Laplace roll around on the ground, whining and crying in pain; while Drake leaned back so far that she looked like she was about to tip over—and probably actually would have were she not a Nikke—laughing like a hyena all the while; and Maxwell just whined into her own hands over the scene her squadmates was causing, given all the attention they were getting from wide-eyed passersby.

"I suddenly have a bad feeling about this upcoming operation," Joe intoned his admission to Anis.

"Oh, now you agree with me?" Anis accusingly noted, shooting a sharp glare the Commander's way.

"-Oh, oh damn it! Don't tell me-" Maxwell started, having taken her face out of her hands to catch sight of Joe and Anis standing on the other side of the now open ground floor window. "Of course you two had to go and mark our first meeting with the Commander by embarrassing us with this idiot scene…!"

"Commander-?" Laplace started, removing her hands from her forehead to crane her face downwards and look down the length of her body, catching sight of Joe and Anis standing in the now-open window- "AHA!" She suddenly threw herself to her feet like an old school martial artist, and launched herself at the now unobstructed portal.

Anis and Joe both yelped as they jumped aside just as a white, black, blue and blonde blur cannonballed into the common room, crashing into the couch and sending it harshly sliding across the floor and into the wall. If the TV and Tetrabox hadn't been elevated off the floor on wall-mounted shelves and one of those swivelling arms, they'd have both doubtlessly been damaged by the display.

Rolling back the way she'd come, Laplace backflipped and landed on her feet, striking a dramatic pose like she was a Tokusatsu character. "Have no fear! The Hero Laplace is here to save the day and cast down villainy! Now let me at the terrible villain that was so villainously laughing, doubtlessly as they'd just committed a heinous act of villainous crime in this humble abode!"

Laplace was, like Maxwell and Drake, quite fair skinned—bright red forehead mark where she had seemingly jumped face-first into the apparently anti-Laplace window aside—sitting between the other two in terms of the saturation of her skin tone. She had messy golden blonde bangs framing a nearly girlish face that had a single adhesive bandage on her cheek, big blue eyes glimmering with determined excitement, and a thick pair of high twintails held up by what looked like airplane wing-themed clips. She was cute, but in a 'someone's excitable idiot little sister' kind of way to Joe's sensibilities. This was only compounded by the fact that she was even smaller than Rapi at no more than 4'10/147cm.

Upon getting a closer look at her, it was clear that despite her height—or lack thereof—she was, regardless, physically mature. She was built similarly to Drake in terms of curvaceousness, save for having a somewhat larger bust. All of which was really difficult to miss, given that she was wearing a skin-tight black tech suit that left remarkably little to the imagination despite technically covering everything from the neck down.

Form-fitting undersuit adorned with little beyond some sort of armoured tech belt and shoes aside, she was, again, garbed in a noticeably over-sized white, puffy winter greatcoat with a fur-lined hood which trailed down just past her knees. Blue straps clearly just for aesthetics hung vertically from the greatcoat's midsection, cutting a seemingly deliberate synergy with the colour-matched blue sheet wires that ran up the entire length of each arm, connecting to golden ports on the back of her gloved hands, which terminated in blue fingers.

There, she stood, in what would have been silence if not for the heroic background music emitting from her person that seemed programmed to seamlessly loop ad infinitum, seemingly waiting to be directed to whatever indistinct 'villainy' she was prattling on about.

Anis and Joe's attention was caught by the sound of Drake incredibly awkwardly climbing in through the window after Laplace. Where Laplace had just carelessly rocketed in like a bat out of Hell, Drake seemed to be making an effort to be wary of whatever might be on the inside of the building. Not that it stopped her from slipping on the window's rim and falling face-first on the floor with a very loud crash that immediately betrayed her nature as a Nikke.

The inelegant pratfall didn't stop her from quickly and deceptively smoothly rising to her feet to strike a dramatic pose in the same vein as Laplace, revealing herself to be about 5'5"/165cm. "The most nefarious Villain Drake has arrived, to recruit the one who laughs so Villainously to the Villain's Union! Let them reveal themself, for the time to plot against the forces of heroism has come!"

There was a long pause as Joe and Anis shared a look, then expectantly stared at the still open window. They were, needless to say, actually surprised when Maxwell instead stepped into the room through the hallway door, which too highlighted that she was maybe an inch shorter than Drake at 5'4"/163cm.

"Oh," Anis began flatly. "You actually used the front door."

"Yes I used the door like a normal person!" Maxwell cried out, face flushed with embarrassment over the antics of her teammates, who she immediately rounded on. "Both of you cut that out, damn it! Why can't you two just be normal when I take you somewhere for once!? And turn that damned music off, Laplace!"

"A Hero's theme song never stops for anything less than victory, Maxwell!" Laplace asserted as she shifted to strike another Tokusatsu pose. "Such is the Heroic way of Heroism!"

"Heroism is for dweebs!" Drake countered with a scoff. "Villainy is where it's at! You see this aesthetic?" She asked, flourishing her cape for emphasis as she did so. "Villains always have the best aesthetic! Come to the dark side, we have capes and spikes!"

By the standards of Missilis, this was apparently what peak performance looked like.

Pinching the bridge of his brow, Joe took a deep breath, already exhausted by this bullshittery as he spoke up, making a point to address Maxwell directly. "The joint operation isn't set to happen for another couple of days. Why are you three here so early?" He inquired pointedly.

"Ah," Maxwell started, awkwardly scratching her cheek with a single finger. "Well, you see, honestly? The moment Syuen received that request from Ingrid, she contacted us and told us to get up here as soon as we could and, uh, well…" She trailed off momentarily, a forced chuckle slipping past her lips before she continued. "Take it as 'a good excuse' to 'seduce' you to Missilis."

There was a long beat as Joe just blankly stared at Maxwell, while Laplace and Drake continued to pose on his and Anis' flanks.

"...So, uh," Maxwell rubbed the back of her neck, presenting a very uncomfortably awkward smile the Commander's way. "You, uh, single, Cutey?"

Joe wished desperately to one day see Syuen fired out of a cannon and straight into the sun.

Desperately.
 

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