OverMaster
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Reverse Flash. The guy from the 'It was me, Barry!' meme. Flash's archenemy.
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OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing
- Thread starter OverMaster
- Start date
Reverse Flash. The guy from the 'It was me, Barry!' meme. Flash's archenemy.
OverMaster
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Two Feet.
'Boss' Maroni threw the acid from the bottle at Dent.
Fortunately, the Batman acted fast and punched Maroni in the face. The gangster lost balance and the acid only touched Harvey's left foot.
The District Attorney howled.
---
Later, in his bed, he brooded to his wife.
"My career is over, Gilda," he said. The man lifted his deformed foot. "Look at what crimefighting did to me! Justice failed us! The only thing I can do now is flipping a coin to decide between good and evil, embarking into a life of crime as the gang boss known as Two-Feet!"
Gilda blinked. "Harvey," she said at last, "that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
After a moment, he said, "It is, isn't it? Guess I'll only have to limp and walk with a cane from now on, huh!"
And so he did.
'Boss' Maroni threw the acid from the bottle at Dent.
Fortunately, the Batman acted fast and punched Maroni in the face. The gangster lost balance and the acid only touched Harvey's left foot.
The District Attorney howled.
---
Later, in his bed, he brooded to his wife.
"My career is over, Gilda," he said. The man lifted his deformed foot. "Look at what crimefighting did to me! Justice failed us! The only thing I can do now is flipping a coin to decide between good and evil, embarking into a life of crime as the gang boss known as Two-Feet!"
Gilda blinked. "Harvey," she said at last, "that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
After a moment, he said, "It is, isn't it? Guess I'll only have to limp and walk with a cane from now on, huh!"
And so he did.
wellis
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Bah! He can still have crazy villain name, like One Foot!
OverMaster
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But he's Cooler, and he has a Keyblade.
"You'll remember me, won't you, Sora?" Winnie the Pooh asked.
Sora smiled. "Of course I will remember you, Pooh."
The small bear put a paw on his own heart. "Because... friends should always remember each other. If I ever forgot you, I'd feel... I forgot how it feels, but it'd feel bad. Like there's something missing inside me. And it must feel that way if you forget me, I think. Friendship is very important. Friends are all we h--"
Christopher Robin walked in. "Hi there, Pooh! Who's your new friend?"
Pooh looked up and down at him. "Who are you?" he asked him.
"You'll remember me, won't you, Sora?" Winnie the Pooh asked.
Sora smiled. "Of course I will remember you, Pooh."
The small bear put a paw on his own heart. "Because... friends should always remember each other. If I ever forgot you, I'd feel... I forgot how it feels, but it'd feel bad. Like there's something missing inside me. And it must feel that way if you forget me, I think. Friendship is very important. Friends are all we h--"
Christopher Robin walked in. "Hi there, Pooh! Who's your new friend?"
Pooh looked up and down at him. "Who are you?" he asked him.
Neo3932156
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You may not be much of a bear, Pooh Bear, but damn do you have to go for the jugular?
OverMaster
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Funny part is that wouldn't be too ooc for comic strip! Pooh.
If I have time later today I'll try to post some examples from the strip. Pooh could be a real jerk there.
If I have time later today I'll try to post some examples from the strip. Pooh could be a real jerk there.
OverMaster
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OverMaster
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Negi Springfield and the Chocolate Factory.
"What is this?" Chisame asked, seeing Negi pull in a large package left on the doorstep.
"I'm not sure. But it's sent from the Wonka Chocolate Factory." Negi breathed out. "Remember that contest in the news a few months ago, before I arrived from England?"
"Yeah. It was all over the Net..."
"Well, I got one of the golden tickets," Negi said casually. "I had no use for it so I gave it to Percy, a classmate."
"You just gave it away?!"
Negi looked at her. "Why would I be interested on a tour of some chocolate factory?"
Chisame sighed. "For a child, you're too weird. So...?"
"Let's unwrap it," Negi said, doing just that. He blinked several times at the life-size, extremely detailed and lifelike figure of a boy near his age. It seemed to be screaming. Negi finally picked the note attached to it and read aloud faintly. "The ticket was originally yours, so this is yours, Mr. Negi."
He and Chisame looked at each other in mild horror.
Satomi walked by. "Oh, chocolate!" she said with interest, grabbing a finger, snapping it and eating it before they could stop her.
"What is this?" Chisame asked, seeing Negi pull in a large package left on the doorstep.
"I'm not sure. But it's sent from the Wonka Chocolate Factory." Negi breathed out. "Remember that contest in the news a few months ago, before I arrived from England?"
"Yeah. It was all over the Net..."
"Well, I got one of the golden tickets," Negi said casually. "I had no use for it so I gave it to Percy, a classmate."
"You just gave it away?!"
Negi looked at her. "Why would I be interested on a tour of some chocolate factory?"
Chisame sighed. "For a child, you're too weird. So...?"
"Let's unwrap it," Negi said, doing just that. He blinked several times at the life-size, extremely detailed and lifelike figure of a boy near his age. It seemed to be screaming. Negi finally picked the note attached to it and read aloud faintly. "The ticket was originally yours, so this is yours, Mr. Negi."
He and Chisame looked at each other in mild horror.
Satomi walked by. "Oh, chocolate!" she said with interest, grabbing a finger, snapping it and eating it before they could stop her.
OverMaster
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Batman 89.
The Joker kept on looking at the quickly approaching Batplane. He gestured at his right hand man. "Bob. Gun."
Bob gave him a huge gun with a very long barrel. Without looking at him, the Joker aimed at him and pulled on the trigger.
But no bullet came out.
The Joker blinked and looked at the barrel while the Batplane kept on approaching very quickly. "Did you remember to reload this thing?"
Bob blinked as well. After a moment, he hissed in fury, pulled a normal gun out, and shot the Joker in the chest.
Up there, in the still very quickly approaching Batplane, the Batman gasped. He flew over the gang as the Joker hit the floor, and disappeared from sight between the buildings.
Bob stayed there, looking down at the Joker. After several moments the Batman came in, stomping angrily. "Why did you do that!?"
"Huh, you landed that thing rather fast," Bob said. "Where did you g--"
"That doesn't matter!" Batman growled. "He was mine to kill! I had a revenge to fulfill on him!"
"He had just tried to murder me! What was I supposed to do!?"
"RRRRRRRRRRRR!"
"I'm not... dead yet...!" Joker gurgled from the floor.
Batman and Bob looked down at him.
Bob gestured at the Joker. "Happy now?" he asked Batman. "Have it your way then!"
Batman paused. "I don't know... Suddenly, I don't think I can do it...."
Bob slapped himself on a knee. "Oh, come on!"
A nearby manhole was pushed open from below. A small head with a top hat on popped out, that person pulled an umbrella out, and shot the Joker through the head.
Batman and Bob glared at the stranger.
"Look, I'm not going to be even more outstaged in the sequel!" the stranger growled.
---
Cue Danny Elfman's theme.
The Joker kept on looking at the quickly approaching Batplane. He gestured at his right hand man. "Bob. Gun."
Bob gave him a huge gun with a very long barrel. Without looking at him, the Joker aimed at him and pulled on the trigger.
But no bullet came out.
The Joker blinked and looked at the barrel while the Batplane kept on approaching very quickly. "Did you remember to reload this thing?"
Bob blinked as well. After a moment, he hissed in fury, pulled a normal gun out, and shot the Joker in the chest.
Up there, in the still very quickly approaching Batplane, the Batman gasped. He flew over the gang as the Joker hit the floor, and disappeared from sight between the buildings.
Bob stayed there, looking down at the Joker. After several moments the Batman came in, stomping angrily. "Why did you do that!?"
"Huh, you landed that thing rather fast," Bob said. "Where did you g--"
"That doesn't matter!" Batman growled. "He was mine to kill! I had a revenge to fulfill on him!"
"He had just tried to murder me! What was I supposed to do!?"
"RRRRRRRRRRRR!"
"I'm not... dead yet...!" Joker gurgled from the floor.
Batman and Bob looked down at him.
Bob gestured at the Joker. "Happy now?" he asked Batman. "Have it your way then!"
Batman paused. "I don't know... Suddenly, I don't think I can do it...."
Bob slapped himself on a knee. "Oh, come on!"
A nearby manhole was pushed open from below. A small head with a top hat on popped out, that person pulled an umbrella out, and shot the Joker through the head.
Batman and Bob glared at the stranger.
"Look, I'm not going to be even more outstaged in the sequel!" the stranger growled.
---
Cue Danny Elfman's theme.
OverMaster
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The Fine Arts.
And Nodoka began singing, beautifully.
"I hate every ape I see. From chimpan-a to chimpan-z. No, you'll never make a monkey out of me. Oh, my God, I was wrong, it was Earth all along. You finally made a monkey...Yes, we finally made a monkey... Yes, you finally made a monkey out of me!"
Undaunted, Yue stood her ground before her and began singing as well.
"A superstitious, cowardly lot! They plan and plot, but they always get caught! Their evil schemes all come to naught! A superstitious, cowardly lot!"
Negi and Haruna sat at the sidelines, watching their duel.
"I hate it when they discuss theatre," Haruna confided him.
And Nodoka began singing, beautifully.
"I hate every ape I see. From chimpan-a to chimpan-z. No, you'll never make a monkey out of me. Oh, my God, I was wrong, it was Earth all along. You finally made a monkey...Yes, we finally made a monkey... Yes, you finally made a monkey out of me!"
Undaunted, Yue stood her ground before her and began singing as well.
"A superstitious, cowardly lot! They plan and plot, but they always get caught! Their evil schemes all come to naught! A superstitious, cowardly lot!"
Negi and Haruna sat at the sidelines, watching their duel.
"I hate it when they discuss theatre," Haruna confided him.
OverMaster
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Love and Pride.
Madoka came back from another afternoon with the SOS Brigade. She spotted Misa splayed on their couch, seemingly depressed. That was a very rare sight.
"What happened to her?" Madoka asked Shiina.
Sakurako shrugged. "Today, she saw Bookstore singing."
"She... She sings even better than I!" Misa whined. "I can't forgive her that!"
"What? Misa, that's not like you!" Madoka said. "True, you may be petty, grudge prone, egocentric and selfabsorbed..."
Misa groaned but did not argue the point.
"But you'd never let something like that keep you down!" Madoka finished. "You wouldn't be like this even if Bookstore started targeting Negi romantically!"
"Of course I wouldn't, that, I could cope with," Misa said soberly. "I know I'm more beautiful, and even if I weren't, fair is fair, we met him the same day at the same time. I can deal with competing with the Vice Prez, and she only met Negi-kun much later! But--"
"But?" Madoka folded her arms.
Misa stood up, put a hand on her own heart, and stated very seriously, "But music is different, because we are talking about my first love here!"
Madoka came back from another afternoon with the SOS Brigade. She spotted Misa splayed on their couch, seemingly depressed. That was a very rare sight.
"What happened to her?" Madoka asked Shiina.
Sakurako shrugged. "Today, she saw Bookstore singing."
"She... She sings even better than I!" Misa whined. "I can't forgive her that!"
"What? Misa, that's not like you!" Madoka said. "True, you may be petty, grudge prone, egocentric and selfabsorbed..."
Misa groaned but did not argue the point.
"But you'd never let something like that keep you down!" Madoka finished. "You wouldn't be like this even if Bookstore started targeting Negi romantically!"
"Of course I wouldn't, that, I could cope with," Misa said soberly. "I know I'm more beautiful, and even if I weren't, fair is fair, we met him the same day at the same time. I can deal with competing with the Vice Prez, and she only met Negi-kun much later! But--"
"But?" Madoka folded her arms.
Misa stood up, put a hand on her own heart, and stated very seriously, "But music is different, because we are talking about my first love here!"
OverMaster
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Unequally Christmas Carol.
"Hey, Negi," Asuna said. "We're going Christmas shopping. Wanna come?"
"No, I'm too busy with the project," Negi said, hunched over the schematics. "That's much more important than Christmas!"
"You have no holiday spirit!" Asuna said, dragging Chisame out.
"Why does he get to stay and I dooooooooooooon't!"
"Bah, humbug," Negi said once he was alone. He was a big smart boy, he had outgrown that Santa foolishness, after all!
He eventually fell asleep at the table.
When Asuna and Chisame returned, they found him surrounded by a small, cute female Christmas of Times Past-chan, a tall, athletic tomboy Christmas of Times Present Onee-chan, and a smaller yet, pale, Goth loli and pouting Christmas of Times Yet To Come-chan.
They all were hugging him.
"Aisaka will want to hear about this," Chisame said, laconically.
"Hey, Negi," Asuna said. "We're going Christmas shopping. Wanna come?"
"No, I'm too busy with the project," Negi said, hunched over the schematics. "That's much more important than Christmas!"
"You have no holiday spirit!" Asuna said, dragging Chisame out.
"Why does he get to stay and I dooooooooooooon't!"
"Bah, humbug," Negi said once he was alone. He was a big smart boy, he had outgrown that Santa foolishness, after all!
He eventually fell asleep at the table.
When Asuna and Chisame returned, they found him surrounded by a small, cute female Christmas of Times Past-chan, a tall, athletic tomboy Christmas of Times Present Onee-chan, and a smaller yet, pale, Goth loli and pouting Christmas of Times Yet To Come-chan.
They all were hugging him.
"Aisaka will want to hear about this," Chisame said, laconically.
OverMaster
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What a Dumb Old Man.
Someone knocked on the door.
Negi went over to open.
Nagi Springfield stood there, smiling at him. "Hello, Negi. I finally found you! You can't imagine how much I had to fight for this!"
Negi blinked at him several times before bawling his eyes out.
"STUPID OLD MAN! I WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND YOU! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, I HATE YOU!"
And he slammed the door on his face.
Nagi blinked to himself. "What."
Someone knocked on the door.
Negi went over to open.
Nagi Springfield stood there, smiling at him. "Hello, Negi. I finally found you! You can't imagine how much I had to fight for this!"
Negi blinked at him several times before bawling his eyes out.
"STUPID OLD MAN! I WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND YOU! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, I HATE YOU!"
And he slammed the door on his face.
Nagi blinked to himself. "What."
OverMaster
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The Day Negi was Abducted.
"You are late," Chisame told him as he entered the apartment. "What took you so long?"
"I was kidnapped," Negi said mildly, taking his dress jacket off.
"What!? And why didn't you call us!?"
"Because I was off-planet, the cards don't have a signal that far. There are good news and bad news, the good news are that I saved Earth!"
Chisame scowled. "And the bad news?"
A beautiful long haired girl in a tiger print bikini walked in past Negi. "There aren't any bad news, Darling, don't be silly!" she said, giving Negi a casual pat on the head, and a soft electric shock.
Then she dropped some luggage at Chisame's feet.
"You are late," Chisame told him as he entered the apartment. "What took you so long?"
"I was kidnapped," Negi said mildly, taking his dress jacket off.
"What!? And why didn't you call us!?"
"Because I was off-planet, the cards don't have a signal that far. There are good news and bad news, the good news are that I saved Earth!"
Chisame scowled. "And the bad news?"
A beautiful long haired girl in a tiger print bikini walked in past Negi. "There aren't any bad news, Darling, don't be silly!" she said, giving Negi a casual pat on the head, and a soft electric shock.
Then she dropped some luggage at Chisame's feet.
OverMaster
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The Fate franchise is the creation and intellectual property of Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon.
---
We Come to Kill Emiya Shirou.
---
"You might be wondering," Tohsaka Rin said, "why I have summoned all of you here."
"... orgy?" Sessyoin Kiara said.
"DEFINITELY NOT!" Rin roared.
"Revenge," Kotomine Kirei said detachedly. "But ask yourself, Rin, if your father were still alive, you wouldn't be able to dictate your own fate, and if your mother were still alive, you'd still have to look after her and--"
"We'll discuss that later!" Rin gritted her teeth, playing with a certain blade. "But that's not the subject for today's meeting, either!"
"You want to solve our differences in a single all out brawl where we murder each other until there is only one to claim the Grail," Waver Velvet guessed. "How Rider of you."
"It's not that bad an idea," Fujimaru Ritsuka said,stuffing her mouth with Cheesy Poofs from a bag.
"If I wanted to kill you all in a single sweep, I wouldn't have shown up and I'd have rigged the whole place with explosives, triggering them from a distance," Rin pointed out.
"Are you sure you aren't my sister?" Illyasviel von Einzbern asked, very impressed. "Because that was SO VERY Dad!"
Emiya Shirou blushed, staring fixedly at Rin's face. His heart was beating faster now. Matou Shinji, who sat between him and the upset Sakura, winced away from him.
"Are you sure you aren't being Tsundere about wanting an orgy?" Kiara asked Rin.
"I DON'T WANT AN ORGY!" Rin said. She slammed her foot down.
"Then what do you want?" a bored Roche Yggdmillennia yawned. "I knew I shouldn't have come..."
"What do we all have in common?" Rin asked, folding her arms.
"We are all struggling for our dreams and illusions, fighting hard for the futures we believe in! Even though we occasionally may disagree, we are all brothers and sisters in the battle for a better tomorrow, and eventually we'll find common ground!" Fiore Yggdmillennia said with a beautiful smile.
Everyone around the table stared at her.
Caules Yggdmillennia closed his eyes. "Sis..."
Fiore blinked. "Did I say something wrong?"
Flat Escardos looked at Shirou. "Did she?"
"Why were you also staring at her if you didn't think so?" Shirou asked patiently.
"Because everyone was doing it," Flat said, all candid honesty.
"We all would have something to provide in an orgy?" Kiara raised a hand.
"MENTION ORGIES ONCE AGAIN AND I'LL KICK YOU OUT!" Rin threatened her.
Bazett Fraga Mc Remitz sighed. "We are all Masters, we know it. So?"
"And where are our Servants?" Rin asked.
The others all blinked.
"Why didn't any of you bring your Servants to a meeting called by a rival in the Holy Grail War?" Rin asked this time.
Kiara pouted. "Hans never does anything I tell him to if I don't use a command seal!"
"Saber went fishing with Lancelot, Gawain, Bedivere, Tristan, Gareth and Percival," Shirou said.
"Mordred went to chase Artoria-san, Lancelot, Gawain, Bedivere, Tristan, Gareth and Percival," Sissygou Kairi answered.
"That stupid Meduseless must be somewhere sucking the blood out of women," Shinji grouched. "Deviant! Pervert! Immoral filthy monster! What a creep! Yeeech!"
Everyone, Kiara included, stared at him now.
"WHAT!?" Shinji exploded.
"At least I don't rape," Kiara said with disgust. "Too much."
Waver rasped. "Rider is planning his next world conquest..."
"In World of Wild and Wily Warfare VII?" Caragiri Jinako asked.
"It's part VIII, are you seriously still stuck in VII?" Waver frowned.
Jinako blushed and hewed. "Anyway, Launcher is out there... doing out of the house things..."
"What kind of things?" Shirou asked.
"I don't know! How am I supposed to know about the things people do outside!" Jinako whined. She pointed at Rin. "Tohsaka-san, you'll pay for making me go out and come here!"
"Okita-san is out playing with Nobunaga-san," Akagi Kanata said placidly. "They are such good friends, ha ha!"
"Who are you?" Celenike Yggdmillennia asked him.
"Nero is practicing with Liz-chan!" Kishinami Hakuno said.
"I have no idea where Morgan is, why should I care?" Beryl Gut shrugged and put his feet on the table.
"Caenis went to make Mordred company at chasing King Artoria, Lancelot, Bedivere, Tristan, Gareth and Percival," Kirschtaria Wodime said.
"Richard grabbed Robin-san and said he was going to recruit his own fishing party to equal Artoria-san's," Sajyou Ayaka said.
"Oh, so that's where Archer went to," Dan Blackmore hummed thoughtfully.
Lil' Ronnie grabbed a hasty handful of Cheesy Poofs from Ritsuka's bag and started stuffing her own mouth madly.
"Do you mind!?" Ritsuka said.
"Did any of you bring any of your Servants along!?" Rin demanded of them.
"..." they all told her.
Finally, Shirou raised his hand sheepishly. "Do you want me to summon Saber here, Tohsaka? I still have one command seal left..."
"That's not the point, you dummy!" Rin snapped.
"Oh, stop acting so high and mighty, brat!" Celenike scoffed. "Is your Servant around then?"
"No he isn't! That's the problem, see!?" Rin said. "They all have come to ignore us altogether! They have forgotten that we are Masters and they are Servants!"
"Ooooooohhhhh!" There was a collective sound of understanding across the table.
Rin nodded and put on some glasses. "Good thing that you understand now!"
"I don't," Flat admitted.
"Then did you say 'Ooooooohhhhh' too?" Shirou asked.
"Because everyone else was doing it!"
Rin turned a Power Point display on. "As you see--"
The Power Point only showed a blank screen.
Sakura stood up, walked to the Power Point, and fixed it.
"Thank you, Matou-san," Rin said stoically. She pulled a pointer out and aimed at the list on the Power Point display. "As you see, these are the main issues we face as Masters now!"
The list went
Type-Moon fandom.
Haters.
Treble.
Sakurai.
OverMaster fanfiction.
Meteo stalling.
Schedule Slips.
Lack of NP skip feature.
Ritsuka began clapping.
Tsukihime fans.
Mahoyo fans.
China server censorship.
ONOIRE ARCADE.
Ankoman.
Uppity Servants thinking they own the (bleep!) place.
The Alien God, I guess.
The Velber, if they ever show up at all?
Kiara.
"Oh, Rin-san!" Kiara beamed. "I'm so honored!"
"This can't be allowed, Servants have taken over the whole procedures! What would my father think?" Rin shook her fist up. "We must teach them a lesson, to regain our honor as Masters!"
"Your father was a cuckold simp who summoned a Servant who whipped him, and--" Matou Zouken began.
"Shaddap!" Rin said. "The point is that we barely matter anymore! At this rate it'll be only a matter of time before the only way any of us gets anything to do is if we're posessed by someone into turning into Servants ourselves!"
Bazett, Caren, Jinako, Shirou, Sakura, Kirei, Illya and Waver all looked at each other.
"That is correct," Jean Rum pushed her glases up her nose elegantly. "Like Shakespeare would say, we have lost all narrative importance as protagonists of our own stories."
"Who are you?" Kanata asked her..
"Servants summoning Servants! Stray Servants who show up on their own! Kirei! Ruler Servants moderate wars now, making your role obsolete!" Rin barked.
"You have a point, Rin," Kotomine said. "We do have a pride to defend. What do you suggest?"
"We'll show the Servants by reminding them how much they need us!" Rin boasted. "This is our era! We'll see how well can they do without us!"
"Isn't that kind of giving them what they want?" Tine Chelc asked softly. "That is, if we go away, and they keep on functioning as before, we might be proved as irrelevant."
"Oh, I always was irrelevant at life so I don't mind!" Jinako giggled.
The others stared at her in horror.
"TOHSAKA!" Ophelia Phamsrolone bellowed. "LEAD THE WAY! BEFORE ALL OF US ARE TURNED INTO CARAGIRIS!"
Waver shuddered. "What a horrible perspective!"
"Even I fear that one," Flat said in a sober tone.
"HEYYYYY!" Jinako said.
Rin nodded. "It's up to us, then, to stage the Remind the Servants who are the Masters counter-strike! By the time we're done with them, they'll finally be thankful to us over our generosity!"
"And then we'll celebrate with an orgy, right!?" Kiara began clapping happily.
Rin kicked her out through a window.
---
We Come to Kill Emiya Shirou.
---
"You might be wondering," Tohsaka Rin said, "why I have summoned all of you here."
"... orgy?" Sessyoin Kiara said.
"DEFINITELY NOT!" Rin roared.
"Revenge," Kotomine Kirei said detachedly. "But ask yourself, Rin, if your father were still alive, you wouldn't be able to dictate your own fate, and if your mother were still alive, you'd still have to look after her and--"
"We'll discuss that later!" Rin gritted her teeth, playing with a certain blade. "But that's not the subject for today's meeting, either!"
"You want to solve our differences in a single all out brawl where we murder each other until there is only one to claim the Grail," Waver Velvet guessed. "How Rider of you."
"It's not that bad an idea," Fujimaru Ritsuka said,stuffing her mouth with Cheesy Poofs from a bag.
"If I wanted to kill you all in a single sweep, I wouldn't have shown up and I'd have rigged the whole place with explosives, triggering them from a distance," Rin pointed out.
"Are you sure you aren't my sister?" Illyasviel von Einzbern asked, very impressed. "Because that was SO VERY Dad!"
Emiya Shirou blushed, staring fixedly at Rin's face. His heart was beating faster now. Matou Shinji, who sat between him and the upset Sakura, winced away from him.
"Are you sure you aren't being Tsundere about wanting an orgy?" Kiara asked Rin.
"I DON'T WANT AN ORGY!" Rin said. She slammed her foot down.
"Then what do you want?" a bored Roche Yggdmillennia yawned. "I knew I shouldn't have come..."
"What do we all have in common?" Rin asked, folding her arms.
"We are all struggling for our dreams and illusions, fighting hard for the futures we believe in! Even though we occasionally may disagree, we are all brothers and sisters in the battle for a better tomorrow, and eventually we'll find common ground!" Fiore Yggdmillennia said with a beautiful smile.
Everyone around the table stared at her.
Caules Yggdmillennia closed his eyes. "Sis..."
Fiore blinked. "Did I say something wrong?"
Flat Escardos looked at Shirou. "Did she?"
"Why were you also staring at her if you didn't think so?" Shirou asked patiently.
"Because everyone was doing it," Flat said, all candid honesty.
"We all would have something to provide in an orgy?" Kiara raised a hand.
"MENTION ORGIES ONCE AGAIN AND I'LL KICK YOU OUT!" Rin threatened her.
Bazett Fraga Mc Remitz sighed. "We are all Masters, we know it. So?"
"And where are our Servants?" Rin asked.
The others all blinked.
"Why didn't any of you bring your Servants to a meeting called by a rival in the Holy Grail War?" Rin asked this time.
Kiara pouted. "Hans never does anything I tell him to if I don't use a command seal!"
"Saber went fishing with Lancelot, Gawain, Bedivere, Tristan, Gareth and Percival," Shirou said.
"Mordred went to chase Artoria-san, Lancelot, Gawain, Bedivere, Tristan, Gareth and Percival," Sissygou Kairi answered.
"That stupid Meduseless must be somewhere sucking the blood out of women," Shinji grouched. "Deviant! Pervert! Immoral filthy monster! What a creep! Yeeech!"
Everyone, Kiara included, stared at him now.
"WHAT!?" Shinji exploded.
"At least I don't rape," Kiara said with disgust. "Too much."
Waver rasped. "Rider is planning his next world conquest..."
"In World of Wild and Wily Warfare VII?" Caragiri Jinako asked.
"It's part VIII, are you seriously still stuck in VII?" Waver frowned.
Jinako blushed and hewed. "Anyway, Launcher is out there... doing out of the house things..."
"What kind of things?" Shirou asked.
"I don't know! How am I supposed to know about the things people do outside!" Jinako whined. She pointed at Rin. "Tohsaka-san, you'll pay for making me go out and come here!"
"Okita-san is out playing with Nobunaga-san," Akagi Kanata said placidly. "They are such good friends, ha ha!"
"Who are you?" Celenike Yggdmillennia asked him.
"Nero is practicing with Liz-chan!" Kishinami Hakuno said.
"I have no idea where Morgan is, why should I care?" Beryl Gut shrugged and put his feet on the table.
"Caenis went to make Mordred company at chasing King Artoria, Lancelot, Bedivere, Tristan, Gareth and Percival," Kirschtaria Wodime said.
"Richard grabbed Robin-san and said he was going to recruit his own fishing party to equal Artoria-san's," Sajyou Ayaka said.
"Oh, so that's where Archer went to," Dan Blackmore hummed thoughtfully.
Lil' Ronnie grabbed a hasty handful of Cheesy Poofs from Ritsuka's bag and started stuffing her own mouth madly.
"Do you mind!?" Ritsuka said.
"Did any of you bring any of your Servants along!?" Rin demanded of them.
"..." they all told her.
Finally, Shirou raised his hand sheepishly. "Do you want me to summon Saber here, Tohsaka? I still have one command seal left..."
"That's not the point, you dummy!" Rin snapped.
"Oh, stop acting so high and mighty, brat!" Celenike scoffed. "Is your Servant around then?"
"No he isn't! That's the problem, see!?" Rin said. "They all have come to ignore us altogether! They have forgotten that we are Masters and they are Servants!"
"Ooooooohhhhh!" There was a collective sound of understanding across the table.
Rin nodded and put on some glasses. "Good thing that you understand now!"
"I don't," Flat admitted.
"Then did you say 'Ooooooohhhhh' too?" Shirou asked.
"Because everyone else was doing it!"
Rin turned a Power Point display on. "As you see--"
The Power Point only showed a blank screen.
Sakura stood up, walked to the Power Point, and fixed it.
"Thank you, Matou-san," Rin said stoically. She pulled a pointer out and aimed at the list on the Power Point display. "As you see, these are the main issues we face as Masters now!"
The list went
Type-Moon fandom.
Haters.
Treble.
Sakurai.
OverMaster fanfiction.
Meteo stalling.
Schedule Slips.
Lack of NP skip feature.
Ritsuka began clapping.
Tsukihime fans.
Mahoyo fans.
China server censorship.
ONOIRE ARCADE.
Ankoman.
Uppity Servants thinking they own the (bleep!) place.
The Alien God, I guess.
The Velber, if they ever show up at all?
Kiara.
"Oh, Rin-san!" Kiara beamed. "I'm so honored!"
"This can't be allowed, Servants have taken over the whole procedures! What would my father think?" Rin shook her fist up. "We must teach them a lesson, to regain our honor as Masters!"
"Your father was a cuckold simp who summoned a Servant who whipped him, and--" Matou Zouken began.
"Shaddap!" Rin said. "The point is that we barely matter anymore! At this rate it'll be only a matter of time before the only way any of us gets anything to do is if we're posessed by someone into turning into Servants ourselves!"
Bazett, Caren, Jinako, Shirou, Sakura, Kirei, Illya and Waver all looked at each other.
"That is correct," Jean Rum pushed her glases up her nose elegantly. "Like Shakespeare would say, we have lost all narrative importance as protagonists of our own stories."
"Who are you?" Kanata asked her..
"Servants summoning Servants! Stray Servants who show up on their own! Kirei! Ruler Servants moderate wars now, making your role obsolete!" Rin barked.
"You have a point, Rin," Kotomine said. "We do have a pride to defend. What do you suggest?"
"We'll show the Servants by reminding them how much they need us!" Rin boasted. "This is our era! We'll see how well can they do without us!"
"Isn't that kind of giving them what they want?" Tine Chelc asked softly. "That is, if we go away, and they keep on functioning as before, we might be proved as irrelevant."
"Oh, I always was irrelevant at life so I don't mind!" Jinako giggled.
The others stared at her in horror.
"TOHSAKA!" Ophelia Phamsrolone bellowed. "LEAD THE WAY! BEFORE ALL OF US ARE TURNED INTO CARAGIRIS!"
Waver shuddered. "What a horrible perspective!"
"Even I fear that one," Flat said in a sober tone.
"HEYYYYY!" Jinako said.
Rin nodded. "It's up to us, then, to stage the Remind the Servants who are the Masters counter-strike! By the time we're done with them, they'll finally be thankful to us over our generosity!"
"And then we'll celebrate with an orgy, right!?" Kiara began clapping happily.
Rin kicked her out through a window.
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Anonymous Brainwash
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Yeah it is sad how Fate got overtaken by Servants and the Masters slowly got forgotten.
It only makes logical sense, Servants by definition need to be some sort of memorable/legendary badass.
Masters can be any Magus, skill nor resolve required. Not to mention that there's a soft limit of sorts in the kinds of Magus that can be involved with summoning Servants.
Either they're exceptions that aren't complete assholes, or they're complete assholes.
Heck, they aren't even guaranteed to be competent. Remember the Master of Caster in the 5th grail war?
wellis
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You mean Kuzuki?
And frankly I think the problem was that writers took the wrong lessons from Stay Night. The 5th Grail War was a backdrop to explore ideas and themes about Shirou.
And endings like Sunny Days, or Hollow Ataraxia, as an example, could've been used as springboards to explore Masters & Servants in events outside of Grail Wars.
But everyone got into and focused on the spectacle of the conflicts instead, which IMO caused Fate to stagnate.
OverMaster
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Three Jokers.
"You'll come back crawling and begging, Jeremiah," his father said, pointing at his back while he was leaving. "You can't just abandon the family business!"
Jeremiah closed his eyes and tried to block his words, rushing out.
---
The woman waited by the window, sitting in silence.
She looked towards the door as her husband walked in. "How did it go?" she asked, and tried to smile.
He dropped on the couch and almost clawed his face. "They didn't laugh. I wasn't funny. I thought I could do it! But I'm not funny at all..."
---
Jack Valeska smiled. "So, the prodigal son returns..."
"I only need enough money for the childbirth," Jeremiah said wearily. "I will work for it."
"Oh, of course you will. Chasing dreams didn't work out that well, or did it?" Jack snapped his fingers towards the younger son. "Jerome. Show Jeremiah the hood."
---
Jerome grinned one of his vacant grins while placing the shiny red hood on Jeremiah's head. "An invention of mine. Heh heh. You can look out. Just fine, just great! But nobody can look in. An art piece, if I say so myself..."
Jerome. Always a genius, in his own way. Dad's little psycho.
Jack put his cigar off. "Take Rocky and Derek. The job will be hitting Axis, next to that factory you used to work at."
"You knew," Jeremiah said, unsurprised.
Jack smiled and lit another cigar. "I control this city, Jeremiah. Of course I knew. Do you think you can run anywhere? I just let you try. So you could see by yourself, how stupid you were being."
---
The job went to hell, as the police showed up before they could leave. Someone had to be at fault. Probably Jerome. That was the kind of stunt he would pull just to mess with him. And yet, Jeremiah almost escaped. He almost made it out.
But then, the Bat monster swooped down, landing on its feet right before him.
"So, Red Hood," it growled."We meet again!"
Jeremiah screamed and fell backwards, slipping on his own panic.
---
Jack Valeska put the phone down.
"That idiot bungled it," he told Jerome. "Teach him a lesson."
Jerome grinned and nodded.
---
Jeremiah stumbled in. His face still burned, his skin was crawling, his eyes felt swollen.
"Jeannie," he gasped. "Jeannie, we gotta leave..."
Then he saw it. The floors, red all over, and his pregnant wife splayed all over the couch.
He shook. He hiccuped. He sobbed.
Then he fell to his knees and began laughing.
---
Jack Valeska woke up with a headache, and found himself tied back to back with a moaning Jerome.
"Who the hell..." the boss wondered.
Then a green haired demon grinned down at them.
"Jeremiah?"
"Sorry, that name doesn't ring any bells," the demon hissed playfully, pushing them with a foot towards the end of the catwalk. "I'm afraid you're talking to the wrong person."
"Jeremiah," Jack said, while Jerome just chortled goofily, as if finding the whole affair amusing. "Look, we can talk this out! You can have the whole business if you want, I didn't have anything to do with the girl, it musta been Grissom, or--"
"Oh, Jack," the demon cooed at them. "Always thinking about business! Why so serious? But don't worry..."
He punted them off the edge.
"I'll show you a new kind of business. So you can be free as well!"
They fell into the chemicals.
Above them, the first demon laughed.
"You'll come back crawling and begging, Jeremiah," his father said, pointing at his back while he was leaving. "You can't just abandon the family business!"
Jeremiah closed his eyes and tried to block his words, rushing out.
---
The woman waited by the window, sitting in silence.
She looked towards the door as her husband walked in. "How did it go?" she asked, and tried to smile.
He dropped on the couch and almost clawed his face. "They didn't laugh. I wasn't funny. I thought I could do it! But I'm not funny at all..."
---
Jack Valeska smiled. "So, the prodigal son returns..."
"I only need enough money for the childbirth," Jeremiah said wearily. "I will work for it."
"Oh, of course you will. Chasing dreams didn't work out that well, or did it?" Jack snapped his fingers towards the younger son. "Jerome. Show Jeremiah the hood."
---
Jerome grinned one of his vacant grins while placing the shiny red hood on Jeremiah's head. "An invention of mine. Heh heh. You can look out. Just fine, just great! But nobody can look in. An art piece, if I say so myself..."
Jerome. Always a genius, in his own way. Dad's little psycho.
Jack put his cigar off. "Take Rocky and Derek. The job will be hitting Axis, next to that factory you used to work at."
"You knew," Jeremiah said, unsurprised.
Jack smiled and lit another cigar. "I control this city, Jeremiah. Of course I knew. Do you think you can run anywhere? I just let you try. So you could see by yourself, how stupid you were being."
---
The job went to hell, as the police showed up before they could leave. Someone had to be at fault. Probably Jerome. That was the kind of stunt he would pull just to mess with him. And yet, Jeremiah almost escaped. He almost made it out.
But then, the Bat monster swooped down, landing on its feet right before him.
"So, Red Hood," it growled."We meet again!"
Jeremiah screamed and fell backwards, slipping on his own panic.
---
Jack Valeska put the phone down.
"That idiot bungled it," he told Jerome. "Teach him a lesson."
Jerome grinned and nodded.
---
Jeremiah stumbled in. His face still burned, his skin was crawling, his eyes felt swollen.
"Jeannie," he gasped. "Jeannie, we gotta leave..."
Then he saw it. The floors, red all over, and his pregnant wife splayed all over the couch.
He shook. He hiccuped. He sobbed.
Then he fell to his knees and began laughing.
---
Jack Valeska woke up with a headache, and found himself tied back to back with a moaning Jerome.
"Who the hell..." the boss wondered.
Then a green haired demon grinned down at them.
"Jeremiah?"
"Sorry, that name doesn't ring any bells," the demon hissed playfully, pushing them with a foot towards the end of the catwalk. "I'm afraid you're talking to the wrong person."
"Jeremiah," Jack said, while Jerome just chortled goofily, as if finding the whole affair amusing. "Look, we can talk this out! You can have the whole business if you want, I didn't have anything to do with the girl, it musta been Grissom, or--"
"Oh, Jack," the demon cooed at them. "Always thinking about business! Why so serious? But don't worry..."
He punted them off the edge.
"I'll show you a new kind of business. So you can be free as well!"
They fell into the chemicals.
Above them, the first demon laughed.
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Akuma-Heika
The Devil Exists Within
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Hope this is continued!...and threadmarked
OverMaster
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No Yay.
"Why won't you come out with me?!" Ataru chased after Chisame. "Why won't you give me a chance!?"
Chisame turned on her heels to face him and roared. "Might it be because you're annoying, you always chase other women too, you are dangerous to be around of, you don't accept a no for an answer, you are engaged to someone else, we have nothing in common, you have no goals for the future besides chasing more women, I am in a relationship with someone else, you are not even good looking, you aren't willing to listen to advice, you are too loud, and I'm not even good at romance to begin with!?"
Ataru stopped, stroked his chin, and shook his head. "It couldn't be any of that, it has to be something else."
She booted him away.
"Why won't you come out with me?!" Ataru chased after Chisame. "Why won't you give me a chance!?"
Chisame turned on her heels to face him and roared. "Might it be because you're annoying, you always chase other women too, you are dangerous to be around of, you don't accept a no for an answer, you are engaged to someone else, we have nothing in common, you have no goals for the future besides chasing more women, I am in a relationship with someone else, you are not even good looking, you aren't willing to listen to advice, you are too loud, and I'm not even good at romance to begin with!?"
Ataru stopped, stroked his chin, and shook his head. "It couldn't be any of that, it has to be something else."
She booted him away.
OverMaster
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What If.
Yotsuba smiled. "I'm sorry I haven't visited you for so long."
"But... I have been busy. I met a boy! He began tutoring me, and my grades improved a lot! And, and we're starting to talk about marriage. He's so nice, but still, it's a bit scary! He he."
Slowly, the smile faded and she wiped her eyes with a fist. "I wish you could see him. I'm sure you'd love him too."
Delicately, she set the flowers down. "Just know that I've never stopped thinking about you. Even if we really never met, even if I don't come so much, I always wonder about how it'd have been."
The young woman stood and bowed at the four small graves. "I wish we could have gone through life together. But I love you all regardless. Bye, Ichika-chan, Nino-chan, Miku-chan, Itsuki-chan."
The wind blew a chilly whisper on her face.
Yotsuba tightened the jacket around her torso and walked away.
Yotsuba smiled. "I'm sorry I haven't visited you for so long."
"But... I have been busy. I met a boy! He began tutoring me, and my grades improved a lot! And, and we're starting to talk about marriage. He's so nice, but still, it's a bit scary! He he."
Slowly, the smile faded and she wiped her eyes with a fist. "I wish you could see him. I'm sure you'd love him too."
Delicately, she set the flowers down. "Just know that I've never stopped thinking about you. Even if we really never met, even if I don't come so much, I always wonder about how it'd have been."
The young woman stood and bowed at the four small graves. "I wish we could have gone through life together. But I love you all regardless. Bye, Ichika-chan, Nino-chan, Miku-chan, Itsuki-chan."
The wind blew a chilly whisper on her face.
Yotsuba tightened the jacket around her torso and walked away.
OverMaster
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Yuuki Yuuna is a Hero.
"Well, I had to be to marry Rito," the former Miss Akashi said.
"Well, I had to be to marry Rito," the former Miss Akashi said.
Five, Four, Three, Two, One! Part One
New
OverMaster
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Gotoubun no Hanayome is the creation and intellectual property of Haruba Negi and Kodansha.
Five, Four, Three, Two, One!
Episode One: Being Poor Sucks.
Three Amigos.
"I have excellent news!" Uraraka Ochako said, punching the air. "They accepted me in UA!"
"Really? That's excellent, Ochako-chan!" Yuiga Nariyuki smiled.
"Mmmmm," Uesugi Fuutarou said, non committally, just sipping the miso soup from his meat menu with no meat. Every day, they'd order three meat menus at the cafeteria, and two of them would be asked to be left with no meat. Tuesdays and Fridays, Nariyuki would get the one with meat. Since she was a girl, Ochako would get the one with meat in Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays. Since Nariyuki was too skinny, Fuutarou had declined on having a meat day for himself.
Ochako casually sliced a piece of her meat and put it in Fuutarou's plate, like she did every other day she got protein. Just like always, Fuutarou put it back in her plate. Just like always, Ochako made it levitate back onto his plate.
"I met the cutest, kindest guy during the tests, too!" the brown haired girl narrated while Fuutarou sighed and relented, eating the meat in silence. "He could use some combing, but he saved me during the entrance tests, and he has the most adorable freckles all over his face, and-"
Itsuki la Gordis.
"S-Sorry, but I've gotta leave," Nariyuki laughed nervously. "I have to understand Furuhashi-san and Ogata-san if I want to help them, so I'm having lunch with them..."
Fuutarou nodded. "Okay."
So there he sat now, all alone, trying to take his time to savor every bite from a meat menu with no meat whatsoever at all in the slightest, or he'd have called it like that if the mere idea wouldn't offend his proper language sensibilities.
A girl sat opposite him, where Ochako usually sat before transferring. She had long pink hair and a nice figure, but Fuutarou barely registered anything about her besides that, being too busy quietly trying to keep the flavor in his mouth.
"I was asking if this seat is taken," he finally heard the girl saying, in a somewhat stilted tone.
He shrugged, still not really looking at her. "It is now, since you just sat on it without asking first."
The girl glared at him in silence. "I can leave right now, if that bothers you so much," she said eventually.
He shrugged his shoulders. "It makes no real difference."
After another moment of unpleased staring, the girl set her lunch on the table. Finally, the black haired boy showed some emotion in the form of a subtle gasp.
Udon: 250 yen.
Two scampi: 300 yen.
Scrambled squid and chicken: 100 yen.
Battered sweet potatoes: 100 yen.
Jumbo custard cup (Dessert): 180 yen.
Fuutarou then looked at what remained of his lunch.
Meat menu with no meat (Miso, rice and vegetables): 200 yen.
The girl blinked at his expression. "Are you feeling okay?"
Fuutarou nodded in silence.
"And.. what is your name?" she asked awkwardly, to break the ice. Mine's Nakano Itsuki, I'm new here..."
"Jean Jacques Rousseau," the oblivious Fuitarou said, reminiscing.
"Funny, you don't look French," the girl said, starting to stuff her mouth avidly right before him.
Quand le peuple n'aura plus rien à manger, il mangera le riche.
All Japanese Men are Lolicon- Illyasviel von Einzbern, Probably.
His sister called him after lunch. Not after lunch break; he had wandered off to study on his own after finishing eating but before the bell rang for the return to classes.
"Oniichan?" she said. "Dad says a guy he's working for offered you a job!"
A job!
"Doing what?" Fuutarou asked.
"Tutoring his daughter!"
"How old is she?"
"Around your age, I think..."
Oh, a chance to spare Raiha from a life of selling her body in the streets! Good, good!
"That sounds... adequate," he said, trying to fake indifference. "We'll talk it out as soon as I'm home, okay?"
"Okay...! Thank you, Oniichan...!" the adorable child said happily, and hung the phone.
Only then her smile dropped and she spoke to herself in a jaded tone much more fitting an older woman. "Oh, thank goodness, maybe I won't have to sell my body in the streets after all."
Her stomach growled.
Class Warfare.
"It's a guy named Nakano," their father had shrugged it off during the meager dinner. "Medic, with a lot of money. He has five daughters and none of them are doing well at studies, but nothing is concrete yet..."
Well, that had been vague, but if nothing had been settled yet, Fuutarou couldn't blame him.
And then, sure enough, the next day, the teacher had introduced the girl from the day before.
"I am Nakano Itsuki. Nice to meet you all!" she said in a loud and clear voice.
And then she looked at him and added blandly, "Well, I believe I already met some of you yesterday."
Wha, what she was doing here if she hadn't started studying yet?! Fuutarou screamed in his mind.
Nakano Itsuki sighed. "I thought it'd be a good idea getting to know our new surroundings before joining in. For the most part, I liked what I saw a whole lot..."
You liked what you ate, you mean! Fuutarou thought. You devoured that extravagant lunch as if you were a vacuum cleaner, you little-!
"Anyway, please bear with me, everyone!" she laughed. "My grades aren't that good, but I'm sure I'll pull up on my own! Dad was talking about giving me a tutor, but no way, Julian!"
Fuutarou slammed his forehead on his desk.
He still was that way when Nakano Itsuki passed him on the way to her own seat. "You should eat better if you don't want to keep on faltering like that," she told him without stopping.
Clone Wars.
"Hey, Nakano-san," he tried to call after her as soon as the lunch break began, "sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to be so cold, and-"
Smiling to herself, Nakano walked off and went to sit at the same table as three other girls, who sat with their backs turned on Fuutarou.
Snapping his tongue to himself, the young man walked away, pondering what to do. He sat down at the other end of the lunchroom after ordering another meat menu with no meat, and found another, short haired Nakano Itsuki sitting across him, waving at him.
"Hello," she said.
Fuutarou pulled back and broke into a fit of coughing. "What, what, what?!"
The girl shrugged and began eating her lunch with good appetite, although nowhere as voracious as that of the previous day. "I saw you trying to talk with Itsuki, and I got curious," she said casually. "Tring to ask her out in her first day here? Slow down, cowboy!"
"It's, it's nothing like that!" he frowned, squinting at her face. Other than the lenght of her hair and its lack of any star shaped ornaments, they were identical. "Are you... her sister?"
"Oh, no, Itsuki's my clone!" she said matter of factly.
Fuutarou frowned. "Her twin, then..."
"I'm telling you she's my clone."
Fuutarou leaned back on his chair, folding his arms. "Sure thing."
"Have you heard of the Bizarro Superman?" the girl asked him. "That's what Itsuki is to me."
"I'M HEARING YOU FROM HERE, ICHIKA, STOP THAT!" came Itsuki's angry voice from her table.
Nakano Ichika raised hands. "Okay, you got me," she told Fuutarou. "That was a lie. As a matter of fact, I'm her greatly improved clone! She was only the prototype."
"WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?!" Itsuki shouted again.
"Okay, that was a lie too," Ichika said. "Would you actually believe that anyone would have ever thought cloning her would be a good idea?"
A spoon flew from across the room and hit her on the head.
Such an impressive throw!
Enter the Idiot.
While leaving school, his father called. "Fuutarou?"
"Yeah, what do you want?"
"Nakano says he's willing to pay five times as much as usual if you take the job."
Fuutarou stopped, blinking several times. "Hmmmm... That sounds really good, but..."
"But what? You're so good, your grades aren't gonna drop just because you took some time off to help someone else."
"No, no, that's not it." He sighed. "I think I met that person and she's turned off on me. Maybe I was a bit cold on her. I don't know."
"Well, then be a man and ask for her forgiveness. How difficult could that be?"
"Dad, Mom was a saint and you've never been with another woman afterwards. Sorry, but I think you just don't know enough about how women act."
His father chuckled. "Oh, and now you are an expert on women! You've never even had a girlfriend."
Fuutarou groaned. "I'll see what can I do, okay? Tomorrow, when I see her again."
He pocketed the phone and then heard Nakano Itsuki's voice from behind him. Or maybe it was Nakano Ichika's? "So, are you taking the job, Uesugi-san?"
"What?!" He spun around and found himself face to face with a smiling Nakano. She had short hair so she had to be... "Ichika-san?"
"Nope!" She pointed at the green bow on the top of her head. "My name's Yotsuba! Nakano Yotsuba!"
Oh my God, there are three of them! Fuutarou swallowed. "You are... Ichika-san and Itsuki-san's sister?"
"A-yep!" she nodded vigorously.
"And... We'd never met before, so how did you know my name?"
She looked somewhat almost briefly disappointed for a moment, as if something in his words had hurt her for some reason.
Fuutarou was about to ask something else when she smiled brightly again, pulling her phone out and showing him a picture of himself. "Dad just called saying he'd hired a tutor for us! And that tutor's you, right? See!"
Fuutarou facepalmed. Those two old men just made their deal without waiting for my opinion...
Nakano Yotsuba blinked curiously at him. "Something wrong, Uesugi-san?"
He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head slowly.
"That's great! I really need your help, because, well, just look yourself!"
She held a test before him.
"... zero?" Fuutarou said.
"Eh heh heh! Zero!" She poked the tip of her tongue out, blushing.
"How can anyone score a zero in a test?" The words left Fuutarou's mouth before he could stop them.
"I have experience," Nakano Yotsuba admitted candidly.
"... that's going to be well earned money," he said.
"Oh, you have no idea...!" she whistled.
"And your sisters... I have to tutor them as well?"
"I think that's the idea, yeah."
"Are they... how should I say this... better than you?"
"Oh, no way they could be any worse!"
"You're right. Only making sure," Fuutarou said in a hollow tone.
Nakano Yotsuba dragged a foot around. "So... is it alright with you if we start tomorrow?"
Five, Four, Three, Two, One!
Episode One: Being Poor Sucks.
Three Amigos.
"I have excellent news!" Uraraka Ochako said, punching the air. "They accepted me in UA!"
"Really? That's excellent, Ochako-chan!" Yuiga Nariyuki smiled.
"Mmmmm," Uesugi Fuutarou said, non committally, just sipping the miso soup from his meat menu with no meat. Every day, they'd order three meat menus at the cafeteria, and two of them would be asked to be left with no meat. Tuesdays and Fridays, Nariyuki would get the one with meat. Since she was a girl, Ochako would get the one with meat in Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays. Since Nariyuki was too skinny, Fuutarou had declined on having a meat day for himself.
Ochako casually sliced a piece of her meat and put it in Fuutarou's plate, like she did every other day she got protein. Just like always, Fuutarou put it back in her plate. Just like always, Ochako made it levitate back onto his plate.
"I met the cutest, kindest guy during the tests, too!" the brown haired girl narrated while Fuutarou sighed and relented, eating the meat in silence. "He could use some combing, but he saved me during the entrance tests, and he has the most adorable freckles all over his face, and-"
Itsuki la Gordis.
"S-Sorry, but I've gotta leave," Nariyuki laughed nervously. "I have to understand Furuhashi-san and Ogata-san if I want to help them, so I'm having lunch with them..."
Fuutarou nodded. "Okay."
So there he sat now, all alone, trying to take his time to savor every bite from a meat menu with no meat whatsoever at all in the slightest, or he'd have called it like that if the mere idea wouldn't offend his proper language sensibilities.
A girl sat opposite him, where Ochako usually sat before transferring. She had long pink hair and a nice figure, but Fuutarou barely registered anything about her besides that, being too busy quietly trying to keep the flavor in his mouth.
"I was asking if this seat is taken," he finally heard the girl saying, in a somewhat stilted tone.
He shrugged, still not really looking at her. "It is now, since you just sat on it without asking first."
The girl glared at him in silence. "I can leave right now, if that bothers you so much," she said eventually.
He shrugged his shoulders. "It makes no real difference."
After another moment of unpleased staring, the girl set her lunch on the table. Finally, the black haired boy showed some emotion in the form of a subtle gasp.
Udon: 250 yen.
Two scampi: 300 yen.
Scrambled squid and chicken: 100 yen.
Battered sweet potatoes: 100 yen.
Jumbo custard cup (Dessert): 180 yen.
Fuutarou then looked at what remained of his lunch.
Meat menu with no meat (Miso, rice and vegetables): 200 yen.
The girl blinked at his expression. "Are you feeling okay?"
Fuutarou nodded in silence.
"And.. what is your name?" she asked awkwardly, to break the ice. Mine's Nakano Itsuki, I'm new here..."
"Jean Jacques Rousseau," the oblivious Fuitarou said, reminiscing.
"Funny, you don't look French," the girl said, starting to stuff her mouth avidly right before him.
Quand le peuple n'aura plus rien à manger, il mangera le riche.
All Japanese Men are Lolicon- Illyasviel von Einzbern, Probably.
His sister called him after lunch. Not after lunch break; he had wandered off to study on his own after finishing eating but before the bell rang for the return to classes.
"Oniichan?" she said. "Dad says a guy he's working for offered you a job!"
A job!
"Doing what?" Fuutarou asked.
"Tutoring his daughter!"
"How old is she?"
"Around your age, I think..."
Oh, a chance to spare Raiha from a life of selling her body in the streets! Good, good!
"That sounds... adequate," he said, trying to fake indifference. "We'll talk it out as soon as I'm home, okay?"
"Okay...! Thank you, Oniichan...!" the adorable child said happily, and hung the phone.
Only then her smile dropped and she spoke to herself in a jaded tone much more fitting an older woman. "Oh, thank goodness, maybe I won't have to sell my body in the streets after all."
Her stomach growled.
Class Warfare.
"It's a guy named Nakano," their father had shrugged it off during the meager dinner. "Medic, with a lot of money. He has five daughters and none of them are doing well at studies, but nothing is concrete yet..."
Well, that had been vague, but if nothing had been settled yet, Fuutarou couldn't blame him.
And then, sure enough, the next day, the teacher had introduced the girl from the day before.
"I am Nakano Itsuki. Nice to meet you all!" she said in a loud and clear voice.
And then she looked at him and added blandly, "Well, I believe I already met some of you yesterday."
Wha, what she was doing here if she hadn't started studying yet?! Fuutarou screamed in his mind.
Nakano Itsuki sighed. "I thought it'd be a good idea getting to know our new surroundings before joining in. For the most part, I liked what I saw a whole lot..."
You liked what you ate, you mean! Fuutarou thought. You devoured that extravagant lunch as if you were a vacuum cleaner, you little-!
"Anyway, please bear with me, everyone!" she laughed. "My grades aren't that good, but I'm sure I'll pull up on my own! Dad was talking about giving me a tutor, but no way, Julian!"
Fuutarou slammed his forehead on his desk.
He still was that way when Nakano Itsuki passed him on the way to her own seat. "You should eat better if you don't want to keep on faltering like that," she told him without stopping.
Clone Wars.
"Hey, Nakano-san," he tried to call after her as soon as the lunch break began, "sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to be so cold, and-"
Smiling to herself, Nakano walked off and went to sit at the same table as three other girls, who sat with their backs turned on Fuutarou.
Snapping his tongue to himself, the young man walked away, pondering what to do. He sat down at the other end of the lunchroom after ordering another meat menu with no meat, and found another, short haired Nakano Itsuki sitting across him, waving at him.
"Hello," she said.
Fuutarou pulled back and broke into a fit of coughing. "What, what, what?!"
The girl shrugged and began eating her lunch with good appetite, although nowhere as voracious as that of the previous day. "I saw you trying to talk with Itsuki, and I got curious," she said casually. "Tring to ask her out in her first day here? Slow down, cowboy!"
"It's, it's nothing like that!" he frowned, squinting at her face. Other than the lenght of her hair and its lack of any star shaped ornaments, they were identical. "Are you... her sister?"
"Oh, no, Itsuki's my clone!" she said matter of factly.
Fuutarou frowned. "Her twin, then..."
"I'm telling you she's my clone."
Fuutarou leaned back on his chair, folding his arms. "Sure thing."
"Have you heard of the Bizarro Superman?" the girl asked him. "That's what Itsuki is to me."
"I'M HEARING YOU FROM HERE, ICHIKA, STOP THAT!" came Itsuki's angry voice from her table.
Nakano Ichika raised hands. "Okay, you got me," she told Fuutarou. "That was a lie. As a matter of fact, I'm her greatly improved clone! She was only the prototype."
"WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?!" Itsuki shouted again.
"Okay, that was a lie too," Ichika said. "Would you actually believe that anyone would have ever thought cloning her would be a good idea?"
A spoon flew from across the room and hit her on the head.
Such an impressive throw!
Enter the Idiot.
While leaving school, his father called. "Fuutarou?"
"Yeah, what do you want?"
"Nakano says he's willing to pay five times as much as usual if you take the job."
Fuutarou stopped, blinking several times. "Hmmmm... That sounds really good, but..."
"But what? You're so good, your grades aren't gonna drop just because you took some time off to help someone else."
"No, no, that's not it." He sighed. "I think I met that person and she's turned off on me. Maybe I was a bit cold on her. I don't know."
"Well, then be a man and ask for her forgiveness. How difficult could that be?"
"Dad, Mom was a saint and you've never been with another woman afterwards. Sorry, but I think you just don't know enough about how women act."
His father chuckled. "Oh, and now you are an expert on women! You've never even had a girlfriend."
Fuutarou groaned. "I'll see what can I do, okay? Tomorrow, when I see her again."
He pocketed the phone and then heard Nakano Itsuki's voice from behind him. Or maybe it was Nakano Ichika's? "So, are you taking the job, Uesugi-san?"
"What?!" He spun around and found himself face to face with a smiling Nakano. She had short hair so she had to be... "Ichika-san?"
"Nope!" She pointed at the green bow on the top of her head. "My name's Yotsuba! Nakano Yotsuba!"
Oh my God, there are three of them! Fuutarou swallowed. "You are... Ichika-san and Itsuki-san's sister?"
"A-yep!" she nodded vigorously.
"And... We'd never met before, so how did you know my name?"
She looked somewhat almost briefly disappointed for a moment, as if something in his words had hurt her for some reason.
Fuutarou was about to ask something else when she smiled brightly again, pulling her phone out and showing him a picture of himself. "Dad just called saying he'd hired a tutor for us! And that tutor's you, right? See!"
Fuutarou facepalmed. Those two old men just made their deal without waiting for my opinion...
Nakano Yotsuba blinked curiously at him. "Something wrong, Uesugi-san?"
He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head slowly.
"That's great! I really need your help, because, well, just look yourself!"
She held a test before him.
"... zero?" Fuutarou said.
"Eh heh heh! Zero!" She poked the tip of her tongue out, blushing.
"How can anyone score a zero in a test?" The words left Fuutarou's mouth before he could stop them.
"I have experience," Nakano Yotsuba admitted candidly.
"... that's going to be well earned money," he said.
"Oh, you have no idea...!" she whistled.
"And your sisters... I have to tutor them as well?"
"I think that's the idea, yeah."
"Are they... how should I say this... better than you?"
"Oh, no way they could be any worse!"
"You're right. Only making sure," Fuutarou said in a hollow tone.
Nakano Yotsuba dragged a foot around. "So... is it alright with you if we start tomorrow?"
Anonymous Brainwash
Ex-Lurker
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This is anime, there are people so poor that they've only ever eaten the crusts of bread.
OverMaster
Well worn.
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Relationship Upgrade.
"Good morning, Anya!" Yor said, happily walking into the room.
"Good morning, Anya!" Loid smiled while sitting at the table.
The blond picked the newspaper up and began reading, whistling.
Anya looked back and forth between them, with bugging eyes.
Yor put a hand on her own cheek and blushed, dreamily sighing as her gaze drifted.
---
"This morning, I learned that you can get very happy and traumatized at the same time," she told Becky.
"What are you talking about?" Becky said.
"Good morning, Anya!" Yor said, happily walking into the room.
"Good morning, Anya!" Loid smiled while sitting at the table.
The blond picked the newspaper up and began reading, whistling.
Anya looked back and forth between them, with bugging eyes.
Yor put a hand on her own cheek and blushed, dreamily sighing as her gaze drifted.
---
"This morning, I learned that you can get very happy and traumatized at the same time," she told Becky.
"What are you talking about?" Becky said.