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Okay Gilderoy Lockhart was the favourite part of that chapter for me.
I shudder to think of what sort of magical spiders from Australia Jenny is showing to Hagrid.
Yeah, bugger that.I wanted to bring him back since Chapter 2. And those are muggle spiders. Therefore - at least Dumbledore thinks so - perfectly harmless.
Aww I was busy dreaming how messed magical spiders would be when compared to how lethal the muggle ones are. Though... perhaps the spiders are already magical and muggles just don't know it, thinking they're mundane. That would certainly explain how crazy they can get.I wanted to bring him back since Chapter 2. And those are muggle spiders. Therefore - at least Dumbledore thinks so - perfectly harmless.
Aww I was busy dreaming how messed magical spiders would be when compared to how lethal the muggle ones are. Though... perhaps the spiders are already magical and muggles just don't know it, thinking they're mundane. That would certainly explain how crazy they can get.
Dude.Odds are good that magical Australia's lethal fauna will make more appearances.
Do they at least drop 17-23 gold pieces when they die~?
No-one's ever been game to check.
They
spidersRon stared at the two of them, who usually were not as understanding of his attitude towards siders, swallowed, and slowly nodded before checking the room for spiders again.
looked a bit nervousShe took a few deep breaths, then smiled at the next student, who looked a bit nervously when he reached for the box with the badges.
Inverting Hermione so that her camisole rode up.
This bit seems odd - you're very conspicuously using full names and mentioning relationships we already know about, like it was the start of a new book or something.Harry Potter hadn't visited the teacher too often, despite a standing invitation for tea. Luna though could consider the hut her home away from home - the half-giant was a close friend of the Lovegoods, and a regular contributor to their magazine. So the group of friends was following the blonde Ravenclaw as she made good speed towards the cottage.
Not everyone was similarly enthusiastic. Hermione, Harry's girlfriend, was looking forward to find out more about their newest professors, and would welcome any information the teacher let slip about magical animals. Aicha as Luna's best friend was a regular herself, but more reserved than the blonde witch, and looked a bit uneasy. Ron seemed more concerned with scanning the environment for dangers than the visit itself, an attitude Harry tended to share. With good reason, he thought, with Voldemort's forces out there, somewhere. The rest of their friends had declined to come along - Padma was already studying for their O.W.L.s, Neville was doing extra-credit work for Professor Sprout, and Ginny was helping the green-thumbed Gryffindor.
This bit seems odd - you're very conspicuously using full names and mentioning relationships we already know about, like it was the start of a new book or something.
The use of Harry's full name, the 'his girlfriend' thing, and, to a lesser extent, the mention of Aicha as Luna's friend were the big one. The way you listed all their close friend in the course of explaining why they were not present only added to the sense of 'And here are the characters you may have forgotten since last time!', but, with the big ones fixed, they don't seem out of place on their own.I rewrote that slightly, though I only removed "his girlfriend" and added a line at the start of the scene. I usually use the full name of the POV character when starting their scene, so I started with Harry in the rewrite. Aicha is mentioned as Luna's best friend to explain her regular visits. I don't see other relationships and full names mentioned than those though.
Q: What do you do when confronted with an extremely aggressive and venomous spider?"Alright. We're missing one, so if you see it, call. Careful when stunning them, they're fragile little things, even when enlarged a bit."
Neat detail. I was wondering why she only included Harry, but, yeah, lots of False Positives there.The young muggleborn witch was certain that the result would have been far different if she had included a wish to harm herself in the trigger condition - but then, as a prominent true muggleborn, and retainer of Harry Potter, a great many witches probably wished her harm, if only to have a better shot at her Patron, so it wouldn't have served its intended purpose.
Interesting worldbuilding element to complement nonverbal casting. Could also work as plausible headcanon, since it does seem that many of the spells taught later have less complex wand movements than early spells.
The use of Harry's full name, the 'his girlfriend' thing, and, to a lesser extent, the mention of Aicha as Luna's friend were the big one. The way you listed all their close friend in the course of explaining why they were not present only added to the sense of 'And here are the characters you may have forgotten since last time!', but, with the big ones fixed, they don't seem out of place on their own.
For the Aicha part, I'd suggest rephrasing it slightly to make it sound more natural. Something like: "Aicha was a regular herself, of course, thanks to her relationship with Luna, but, being more reserved than the blonde witch, she looked a bit uneasy."
Good chapter. I like the action scenes.
Q: What do you do when confronted with an extremely aggressive and venomous spider.
A: Make it into a giant extremely aggressive and venomous spider, to get a better look.
Neat detail. I was wondering why she only included Harry, but, yeah, lots of False Positives there.
Interesting worldbuilding element to complement nonverbal casting. Could also work as plausible headcanon, since it does seem that many of the spells taught later have less complex wand movements than early spells.
This sentence seems to have extra words in it. What is it supposed to say?
Interesting. How much is Hermione sandbagging throughout the story? Does she use that sort of room-scale casting in lessons with Sirius?Theyoungmuggleborn witch at once stopped vanishing and repairing piecemeal, and finished the room with two spells while heading over to her boyfriend. "My Patron." She bowed slightly.
"The room's been restoredresetto the state it was in when we arrived."
And now, Pansy knows... Interesting."Parkinson didn't stare at Harry, but she was impressed by your last two repair and vanishing spells, Hermione," Luna finished her soft_drink. "I think thats quite suspicious."
He is? That seems to be a pretty weighty deviation from canon, since it radically shifts the balance of power. Is it a good idea?but he was one of the few wizards Albus wasn't certain he could beat in a fair fight
It's dialogue, so it can be poorly phrased and ambiguous, but I suggest replacing "preparing" with "trying".
No, Merope Gaunt used Amortentia to snare (to make an understatement) Thomas Riddle Sr. and then, when she stopped dosing him and came clean, he immediately left her.Actually, IIRC, Amortentia is permanent. It's other, less powerful love potions that require constant application.
This sentence seems to have extra words in it. What is it supposed to say?
Interesting. How much is Hermione sandbagging throughout the story? Does she use that sort of room-scale casting in lessons with Sirius?
He is? That seems to be a pretty weighty deviation from canon, since it radically shifts the balance of power. Is it a good idea?
It's dialogue, so it can be poorly phrased and ambiguous, but I suggest replacing "preparing" with "trying".
On an unrelated note, I've been in an anti-'shippy mood lately. Any chance that the whole Harmony thing does, in fact, turn out to be a Life Debt + Patron Oath messing with both parties? Magic can't create true love, supposedly, but there's precedent for a party being kept "in love" with continuous administration of Amortentia, only to immediately fall out of love once it was no longer administered.
And no, I wouldn't consider that a bad end.
I've probably forgotten something, but when did this happen?Though speaking of canon, I don't see how anyone could expect the man who went into a three-way duel with Grindelwald and Albus Dumbledore, and didn't get defeated right away, but survived until the end, as anything but damn powerful.
It's not an objection to romance as such: "'shipping" is something more specific. It's more that, why does their romance have to be their ultimate destination? Teenage relationships are important --- to the teenagers --- but in the grand scheme of things? They tend to be pretty ephemeral, and I'd rather they get a chance to be grown-ups first. Viktor and Nymphadora did.Zilch. Nil. Zero. If I have the choice between a story with romantic relationships, and one without, I'll always pick the one with romance in it. I consider love one of the most important and fundamental motivations of humans, and a story where it doesn't play a role (apart from a few exceptions) seems lacking in realism. Especially if it involves teenagers. And I would consider your ending a very bad ending.
When Gellert Grindelwald came to Godric's Hollow, he and Albus instantly struck up a friendship, together dreaming of finding the Deathly Hallows and leading a revolution that would make Muggles subservient to wizards. When Aberforth pointed out that Albus could not be the heroic leader of the revolution with Ariana in tow, Grindelwald became furious and used the Cruciatus Curse on Aberforth. Albus tried to protect his brother and a three-way duel broke out. While the three battled, Ariana tried to help her brother, but a stray curse from one of them hit Ariana, killing her.
It's not an objection to romance as such: "'shipping" is something more specific. It's more that, why does their romance have to be their ultimate destination? Teenage relationships are important --- to the teenagers --- but in the grand scheme of things? They tend to be pretty ephemeral, and I'd rather they get a chance to be grown-ups first. Viktor and Nymphadora did.
As for whether it's a happy ending, well, because of the whole Life Debt + Patron Oath, their relationship feels inherently tainted to me. If both ended up with different people after that, I would respect that ending more.
It would feel incredibly cheap and wrong to me to go "oh, yeah... turns out, all of that was for nothing. You don't actually love each other romantically. You don't need to fight for each other. Enjoy your totally accepted life as best friends. Hermione can marry that half-blood she will now fall realistically in love with, removing even the last potential for conflict with society." Removing their love, reducing it to a platonic friendship, would pretty much destroy the story in a "slap in the face" twist because they would have gone through all those trials and challenges just to realize that they actually were fooling themselves all along. That would be on the same level as "Oh, you beat Voldemort. Good job. But it turns out, his new body was defective. He'd have died anyway in a few weeks."
I do not do that kind of "twists".