Chapters
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User | Total |
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Quillion9000 | 3 |
"Only one person has shown themselves to be more skilled than me." Shark nodded. "I'm looking at him, right now."
center of the courtyard. After confirming it was seemingly no ones, he got to claim it and gave it to me."
Should be "you're" (Also, Flip Turner, you suck! You're nowhere near as awful as some of the other characters, but that bar is deep underground so no points there)
"every one" instead of "everyone" I am almost certain.
"I'd say it's a little to earlier to go saying that." Tori retorted.
"Every bit of defense I whittle down, is one more layer of defense you lose and one step further I take to reclaiming Master Hyperion." Tori drew. "With this next monster, I'm about to take several steps towards that goal.
I release my Meltiel to summon Airknight Parshath(LV5/1900/1400)."
"I may have lost some control over this duel, but it's easily regained with the monsters at my disposal!" Flip drew. "I set one monster before activating Book of Taiyou. This spell allows me to flip this set monster into face up attack position.
Say hello to Slate Warrior(LV 4/1900/400)." A blue fiend in orange attire appeared.
Say hello to Slate Warrior(LV 4/1900/400)." A blue fiend in orange attire appeared. "By being flipped face up, he gains 500 ATK and DEF." Slate Warrior(LV 4/2400/900 effect). "He'll use all that power to wipe your Airknight off the field."
You're, btw.
Another case of somebody's speech being broken into two paragraphs without quotation marks at the start of the second to indicate continued speech."Warrior of Zera is actually where Zeradias began his journey, with plenty of others like or beyond it able to claim the same." Tori informed. "On the path my deck takes, Zeradias is by no means the end of this particular journey.
Zera discovered the Sanctuary in the Sky to become Zeradias, and when the time was right, he was promoted. This can be achieved in duel by releasing Zera himself to special summon him. I call upon Archlord Zerato(LV 8/2800/2300)." A taller Zera with wings appeared.
Fairly sure you want "single" here.
Wrong warning, Tori. You should have warned him against playing that card against Flip, not against accepting it.
This is missing a closing quotation mark. (Not continued in the next paragraph, after all)"I just don't like making enemies. Some people might say I'm too forgiving, but that's who I am. My dad always said dueling was meant to bring out the best in people, so that's how I duel.
I am almost certain you want "whether" here rather than "weather".
Silly Yuto, you don't need people Shark believes to be better than him, just ones who're vaguely near him in skill. I believe Rio qualifies? Not very familiar with Zexal, though. After all, a lot of decks would have a better matchup against Yuto than Shark's deck.
Nah, just get undressed. If you showed up naked it'd be fine.I think several of your classmates would enjoy the view.
Good on Yuto treating his duel against Yuma as a teaching duel. Those two have it rough, and need as much help as possible redeeming their genocidal villains (Astral, XYZ Dragon, and Z-Arc) so them being friendly with each other is definitely a good sign.
I believe this should be "no one's".
Should be "you're" (Also, Flip Turner, you suck! You're nowhere near as awful as some of the other characters, but that bar is deep underground so no points there)
Request: Indicate that monsters are attacking to destroy monsters; when somebody declares that their monster destroys another monster I expect it to be by card effect, so that's been tripping me up.
"every one" instead of "everyone" I am almost certain.
"little too early" I believe
I believe you should either combine these into one paragraph, or open the second with quotation marks to indicate that it's the same character speaking.
Same deal here.
This seems like an error. IIUC, Man-Eater Bug destroyed Airknight last chapter and nothing happened to bring them back.
You're, btw.
Do you mean "Tori" rather than "Troi"?
Another case of somebody's speech being broken into two paragraphs without quotation marks at the start of the second to indicate continued speech.
Fairly sure you want "single" here.
Wrong warning, Tori. You should have warned him against playing that card against Flip, not against accepting it.(Though does Yuma even have a reasonable way of playing it? Ruri would, but she'd also have very little reason to play it since her archetype provides a much better method of getting direct attacks out)
This is missing a closing quotation mark. (Not continued in the next paragraph, after all)
Sorry this isn't organized particularly well, and I hope you don't mind the suggestions.
Thank you for writing and sharing this story; I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Also, thank you for allowing Tori to be more relevant; Yugioh has a bad habit of not allowing female characters to do much. Also, starring the best of Z-Arc's incarnations and involves the second-best of Ray's! (Serena is my favourite)
I had her use Monster Reborn at the end of the chapter prior to that and bring Airknight back.I'm glad it was helpful.
Not sure how you'll fix the opening to Dawn of the Numbers since the game state as it developed currently relies on Tori having a moderately powerful monster on the field. Add another set card and have it be something to recur Airknight? Though it'd probably have needed to be set on the prior turn so she couldn't bring it back for a second attack after the Man-Eater killed it...
I had her use Monster Reborn at the end of the chapter prior to that and bring Airknight back.
Yeah, it was a simple change that pretty much allows the duel to flow without there just suddenly being Airknight on the field after being destroyed by Man-Eater Bug. Her ace monster is actually Master Hyperion, but that's currently in the grubby hands of a certain flip effect user. Yeah, Tori has quite a few good fairy monsters within this deck of hers. Like Yuma, prior to suddenly getting Number 39, she lacks an extra deck as well in this universe.Ah, missed that. Thank you. And bringing it back during Main Phase 2 like that means you need far fewer changes.
Nice to see she has such a card; it'll be very helpful to her in general, I think.
In a way, this variation of Zexal does and does not connect to Arc-V. That is a story element that will be flushed out as the story progresses. As this is set more within Zexal, fusion, synchro, and rituals are cards which can show up. I will say Xyz summoning is going to be the main thing utilized, not exactly going to have people with abundant cards for their archetype branch into them, but they will show up.Are you running with Xyz monsters being the only known Extra Deck monsters? Or are there Fusions, Synchros, and maybe even Pendulums openly being used? Also, I'm hoping we get at least one good Ritual specialist.