Sepulchare's Foray into Creative Writing

[Sepulchare]

Hello anyone who chooses to read this, this thread will be where I place my writing experiments, they will all essentially be first drafts or ideas I use to practice my skill in writing (which is almost none at this moment) the I have no real confidence in writing NSFW content (because as I said I have almost no skill as a writer in my own opinion) but I may attempt to write Gore or stores that contain Mature Content etc. This is a quick warning, I will likely always mess up or purposefully ignore certain elements of any series I am writing about.

These are first drafts to practice my writing and if I ever feel confident enough with them I will create a new thread dedicated to those little snips and correct as many details as possible, but for now that is not a priority.

Please enjoy these snips and please correct any Grammar issues you see that I have missed, these Snips have gone a single round of corrections by myself. Thank You, now onto the very first snip:



~Anonymous member of the 501st​ Legion
We were sent to Vurdon Ka as a part of the peacekeeping efforts of the newly formed Galactic Empire, our purpose on Vurdon Ka was simple, search for any signs of Separatist/Rebel influence and stamp it out, we were to leave no survivors.

Our initial efforts bore no fruit, there were no signs of Rebel or Separatist influence, a surprising conclusion seeing as Vurdon Ka was one of the industrial worlds for the Confederacy, it had seemed as if they had fully folded into the Galactic Empire after the end of the Clone Wars. There was very little in the way of military presence in the region, besides our 501st​ legion detachment and minor patrols made by local units.

We were caught completely off guard when performing final scans of the Mountain Range roughly 800 clicks from the nearest city, one of our guard ships was shot out of the air upon entering the range, the collision damaged our only Tie Fighter that we had brought down with us, as well as killing our communications officer, we were hit hard and fast, and we were so far out from the rest of our detachment that reinforcements were unlikely, our only real chance of survival was finding the wreckage and salvaging the communications array from our officer.

We were under fire the moment we landed our own craft, Droids, remnants of the Separatist insurrection, It was a battalion of B-1 and B-2 droids, their chassis were rusted over and scared, they had seen little in the way of maintenance, and their shots were wildly off target, but there was too many of them all around us to engage from our position, we used our Repulsortank, a fresh model out of assembly we brought with us into the field for testing, to break through their line, we made way for the wreckage avoiding trees and keeping to cover as much as we could.

When we finally reached the wreckage almost 2 hours later it was a hellhole, Droids that came right out of a recruits nightmare, patchwork things, barely standing, were pulling apart the remains of the salvage, and the crew with it. It was a gruesome sight, the droids seemed completely out of it for the most part, they didn't acknowledge us at all until we got closer to examine the wreckage, they started ranting in a dozen languages I don't know and my translator couldn't identify, they were completely mad, and upon closer inspection were wearing Bones and Flesh where they couldn't patch with metal on their broken bodies, one of them was even wearing half of what looked like a Clone's helmet (not one I recognized, not from the 501st​), once we realized what they were we opened fire immediately, they didn't even bother firing back, even the ones clearly armed were just flailing their guns in our direction as if they couldn't even understand what was happening.

Once we finished the last of the Clankers we set about searching for our officer (if he was even recognizable), but we couldn't find him at all, just the gored and mutilated bodies of our fellows from the 501st​, we didn't have time or the resources to make even a basic grave, we had to leave their bodies out and come back later hoping they hadn't been finished off by scavengers.

Eventually our Engineer, C-O6Y, Cody he liked to call himself, hobbled together a basic communications set from the droid salvage, we had to get into contact with the rest of our detachment immediately, and check this entire valley again, search for the battalion we had to break past and find out how in the Hell something like this went unchecked for so long.

 

[Sepulchare]

I definitely messed up on some canon details here and there, and I probably will continue to do so, my knowledge of current Star Wars canon is super messed up at the moment, I used the planet Vurdon Ka because it was, to my knowledge, a blank slate of a planet that would have been in the region of the CIS.

*EDIT*
Also, I have already completed the second snip in Journals from the 501st, I will be posting in sometime between 5PM - 11PM Central Standard time Ignore that, no real reason to hold it back an entire day.

 

[Sepulchare]

~Anonymous member of the 501st​ Legion 2nd​ Entry
Once we got in contact with the rest of our detachment we were able to begin planning a proper offensive. Droid remnants from the tail end of the Clone Wars, Intelligence believes they may have been a part of this planet's Garrison, but weren't activated before the factories were abandoned.

Scans from our ship, a small Assault Frigate named the Belasarius, revealed the location of the primary facility, inside the mountain range we had finished extracting from they had set up heavy anti air Droid Encampments. Images show that they suffer from similar states of disrepair and patchwork that the droids encountered in the edge of the valley had. The few droids that were coherent seemed to be trying to make repairs to the facility, Scans show that power had been restored to the facility 136 hours before our arrival in the system. Orders from Imperial Command were clear, wipe out these remnants and eradicate the droid production facilities present on the planet, nothing is to be salvaged.

Unfortunately the Belasarius was unable to lock the primary cannons onto the facility, some kind of jamming all around the valley, we only had a general location to go on, we would have to comb the entire mountain range on ground, Tie Fighter support would remain minimal as they were securing the space in and around the system, in case there were any Droids hiding amongst one of the moons or the asteroid belt, to destroy the Facility we would have to either manually disable whatever was causing the signals to stall, or set up a beacon on site.

We took plenty of supplies with us, we were in for the long haul. We started our search in the same general area we had evacuated from, just to make sure we didn't miss any our first run out. Our Commander for the duration of this mission would be another Engineer, Rifht was the name he preferred, He had us tear down trees to form a clearing, so we could begin setting up an encampment, this wasn't going to be a short mission and we needed a place to bunker down if things started getting heated, the jamming in the valley meant reinforcements were a long way out if we needed them.

Turrets, blasters, trenches, and a command convoy were all set up for the next few days we spent in that valley, at that point there was nothing, no Clankers no Ships not even any hot spots, We weren't lucky enough for them to come to us, so we set up into several parties and began combing the woods, leaving beacons where we had finished scouting, clear up that jamming a bit near our encampment at least.

Naturally our party was the first to encounter anything at all, one of our recon troopers nearly tripped a landmine while scoping out a nearby brush. It was a dud fortunately but we didn't know that at the time, when he yelled out in surprise they sprung an ambush, Super Battle Droids had been hiding inside of the massive trees present nearby, they had drilled bark and leaves into bits of their chassis and had powered off to keep cool, We were caught flat footed but managed to hold, we only lost two troopers taking out those droids, one of them, Rits, was clipped in the neck by a stray shot, Strap ended up tripping a mine after we had finished off the last of the droids, it wasn't a dud that time.

We set up a relay beacon and sent for our Commander, we were on the right track. Reinforced with Mine Sweepers, standard issue device commissioned after the Clone Wars and the opening battles against the Rebellion, and Heavy Troopers we made our way further into the mine field, after four long slow hours of marching and cleaning out mines we finally got sights on the Factory, what a hellhole that place was, even though half of its guns weren't even on their tracks it was still armed to the teeth.

We didn't open fire immediately, Commander Rifht had us scout the perimeter for any more of those camouflaged Battle Droids, there weren't any we could tell at the time, but it doesn't hurt to be cautious he had told us.

We had our Heavy Troopers set up their Plasma Launchers and Rockets in key positions, outside of the direction locked heavy guns, once we began the assault our greatest worry would be those guns, That made them priority targets.

After two more hours of waiting for any patrols and setting up our assault Commander Rifht sent the order to begin the assault, Thankfully the armor on those heavy guns were heavily corroded, it only took two salvos to disable them, we came under fire almost immediately after though, what was unexpected was just how lightly armed the droids were, The most well-armed droids would have been the patched up Droidekas refitted into turrets inside of trenches, and the occasional Super Battle Droid with functioning wrist rockets.

We had come far more prepared than we may have needed too, but none of us were going let risk it, not after Mustafar, the 501st​ knew just how little was needed to make a functioning fleet and Garrison with a functioning factory, we brought everything we felt we needed to make sure something like that Never happened again.

We tore into the entrenched droids, apparently some B1s tried to run away near the back, picked off by the troopers set up around the perimeters of the battlefield. Eventually it seemed we were in the clear. We shouldn't have let our guards down so quickly though, because the moment we began to relax four Heavy Battledroid Tanks burst from the collapsed hangar. They were obviously heavily refit, some of them even seemed to have been equipped with the heavier arsenal from some of those decommissioned Anti Air guns. They ripped us apart in the beginning. Just their opening salvo cost us two of our vehicles and at least 10 ground troopers.

Their own defenses worked in our favor however, Rubble from collapsed buildings and trees stopped them from getting any closer, and they had stopped firing those bigger guns, one of them even tripped a mine or a shell sparked, We immediately began a counter attack, the armor on the tanks seemed to have been stripped down and rusted over, even our smaller rifles were able to spear holes in the side armor, they didn't last long.


It took us an embarrassing amount of time to clear up our wrecks and bodies, three whole hours of digging through rubble and collapsed droid salvage, eventually though we finished, we were began preparations to breech the Factories main building and finish off these Remnants.

They had been quite busy, basic casts and forges for the B1 Droids had been set up and were in the middle of preparing new droid parts, defenses inside the factory were incredibly light, aside from the turrets set up in the hallways anyway. We had managed to find their Command Center, and their Commander, a Super Tactical Droid right out of the Clone Wars, this presented a unique opportunity for us, Super Tactical Droids shared a data with any nearby garrisons and droid fleets to increase the Unity of the Droid Army, we could use slice into its files and use them to find out if there were any other surprises nearby.

We had set up the servers for transport, and had the droid readied for Transport to the Belasarius for Interrogation, once we finished that we set up the firing beacon and sent the signal to our Camp, who sent the firing orders and coordinates of the facility to the Belasarius, After that all that was left was to make our report to Imperial Command and wait for intelligence to finish splicing those servers and droid.

 

[Gaemnomut]

Interesting. It isn't too often that you read something that's from the clone's perspective.
The only advice I can offer you is that I think some of your sentences are too long and convoluted.

Eventually it seemed we were in the clear, we shouldn't have let our guards down so quickly, Four Heavy Battledroid Tanks had burst from the collapsed hangar, they were obviously heavily refit, some of them seemed to have been equipped with the heavier arsenal from some of those decommissioned Anti Air guns, They ripped us apart in the beginning, in the opening salvo we had lost two of our vehicles and at least 10 ground troopers.

Click to shrink...

Take this part for example. Imho it would be easier to read if it were structured like this:

Eventually it seemed we were in the clear. We shouldn't have let our guards down so quickly though, because the moment we relaxed four Heavy Battledroid Tanks burst from the collapsed hangar. They were obviously heavily refit, some of them even seemed to have been equipped with the heavier arsenal from some of those decommissioned Anti Air guns. They ripped us apart in the beginning. Just their opening salvo cost us two of our vehicles and at least 10 ground troopers.

 

[Sepulchare]

I actually noticed that Exact problem when writing, but I couldn't figure out how to fix it, and figured since it was the First - Second draft it wasn't a super huge issue. I definitely need to work on splitting up the paragraphs and sentences more, Thank you for the feedback
*EDIT*

Also I do agree with your corrections, it looks much smoother that way, and I definitely see where I went wrong, I will see about editing the story posts soon with those corrections if that is alright with you? Gaemnomut

 

[Gaemnomut]

Sure.
Also, I don't know if you know this, but if you edit in the Username, it doesn't show up in the alerts.

Edit:
oops, I didn't know there was a user called "username" XD
I meant "@ username" (but without the space)

 

[Sepulchare]

I did not know that lol, and thank you for helping me with corrections and the feedback, I have finished writing the third snip but it is currently undergoing some editing. I will probably post it sometime today and tomorrow. Gaemnomut

 

[Gaemnomut]

Looking forward to seeing it.

 

[Sepulchare]

~Anonymous member of the 501st​ Legion 3rd​ Entry

A report had been made to the rest of the 501st​ informing them of everything that was going on. In the end Intelligence needed to request more experienced slicers to assist us in cracking the encryption on those servers, ours just weren't cutting it. Two months have gone by and Zero progress has been made.

Dozens of systems and belts Scoured searching for any possible droid remnants like the ones found on Vurdon Ka in the meantime, several detachments from other Legions have received orders to begin searching other former CIS territories for anything similar as well, no progress on that front either.

Those slicers should be arriving soon, along with reinforcements to our Detachment. Casualties on Vurdon Ka were incredibly low but they could have been much worse if those droids had finished repairs and gotten the rest of those forges operational. Our detachment would not be enough to fight off even a small droid fleet if it came down to it, we need those reinforcements.

At the moment we are making our way to Vandyne, a former industrial world for the CIS located in the Outer Rim. According to Communications those splicers and reinforcements should arrive in the system before us to secure the system and prepare to retrieve the servers.

Four days in and out of the firing range, hours spent going over our equipment, sharpening our skills. The rest of the 501st​ has slowly been rusting away and were no different. We haven't had a proper battle since Kamino. We are in desperate need of improvement, fresh recruits from the next generation of clones haven't been making this easy, fresh out of the simulations, they wouldn't be ready for the worst case scenario on Vandyne.

Eventually we arrived to see fireworks all around the planet, Droid and Imperial ships fighting all over the system. Explosions big enough planet side that we could see them from the inside of the ship, the worst case scenario had occurred. We had to break the blockade they were setting up if we wanted any chance of reinforcing our Brothers in the Air and on the Ground.

All of our pilots were deployed around the Belasarius, our few Interceptors and Fighters would have to secure a path for the rest of us. And they tried, we only just managed to break their forming blockade and reach the Star Destroyer Byzantium, a good fourth of our pilots were lost and we took some beatings to the front side of the hull, but we got there.

Communications from Grand Moff Tarkin is where our next orders came from, we were to place our ship into firing positions in the upper atmosphere and fire at the planet using the coordinates received from ground troops; The idea was that we would fire down at Droid Superstructures and stop them from firing whatever it was that was causing those explosions. We encountered several droid fighters attempting to delay us but the reinforcements received from the Byzantium made quick work of them.

Once we were in firing position we received our first coordinates, honestly we didn't even need them, we could see the superstructure from the ship just clear. It was some kind of massive Artillery gun, it was almost as big as a small city, and this time it wasn't covered in corroded armor and shells. A fully functional droid army has been built on this planet, and it went completely unnoticed.

While the Belasarius was firing on key points ground troops were to be deployed to reinforce the battalions fighting on the planet's surface, our transports were under heavy fire all the way down, but we managed to reach the surface intact.

We had to move fast if we were going to make it to the rest of our forces on the ground, we sped through tree lines and rammed and droid lines we encountered, firing on as many as we could without stopping. Nearly an hour after we started we finally managed to reach them, hundreds of Storm Troopers in formation firing on the encroaching droid army.

We set our heavy vehicles in an artillery position and began laying suppressing fire down on their left flank in the hopes that it would split their attention between our forces, make it easier on our Brothers in the field. We ended up losing half of the fresher recruits and Troopers and three of our Transports, but after hours of fighting eventually the last Droids were scrapped.

Once that was finished we moved to join the main force, reinforcing their battered battalions with what we had left. We had taken supplies with us from the Belasarius, so we could help take some pressure off of their own stockpile. Their Commander, Specialist Grend, is the one who thanked us for the support. They had desperately needed those supplies, they had been fighting for days nonstop.

Now that they were no longer under siege we could begin planning a proper counteroffensive on any droid encampments and factories in the area, according to Specialist Grend there were two in the region. They had been making their way to the one located in the nearby City when they came under attack by the Droid Army, after some rest we began to march on the city.

We made it there fast, it seems they had used most of their garrison in that small army they sent after Grend's troops. We came under little fire entering the city, According to Grend this city was primarily a residential area, with little in the way of Factories outside of the decommissioned droid forging plant.

That made the lack of any civilians rather worrying.

As we made our way to the decommissioned factory we finally found what had happened to the people living in the city, huge piles and lanes of bodies dumped and discarded onto the roadside. It was around then we began encountering heavy droid resistance, Heavy Droid Walkers had been set up on top of and between buildings in firing positions between the roads. We lost several groups to the initial ambush before we could move out of the primary lanes and out of the cone of fire.

The sound of metal sliding across metal and concrete began to echo all around us, Droideka models and Rolling Tanks began to make their way down the larger lanes where we had just run from and were beginning to make their way towards us. We had just enough time before they got to set up small killzones and mines at the entrances to the smaller lanes. It didn't help much but it was comforting to have anyway.

The moment they crossed into the lane explosions ran out as we all began to detonate the mines and fire down the alley. The sound of plasma scorching metal and shields sparking rang out as the Droidekas began setting up for a counter attack, the Rolling Tanks weren't able to make it into the smaller lanes, and were dispatched by our Brothers in the neighboring isles. Soon enough we made our way to the Factory.

It was a mess, Civilians in chains being dragged out of the Foundry from several entrances, escorted by some kind of modified B1 droids. Rather than the old cream coloration they had some kind of silver and chrome chassis, we opened fire immediately. The sound of screaming civilians and scorching flesh rang out as we fired upon the group, we would not allow hostages to stop us from dispatching these Droid troops, we had learned that lesson during the War.

 

[Sepulchare]

You know, I am actually really enjoying this little experiment I started. I'm still making loads of mistakes with things like sentence structure, grammar, punctuation etc. But writing this actually feels pretty good.

This snip was way more experimental than the previous two if you couldn't tell, It also highlights my shaky knowledge of the Star Wars timeline, as well as my bad name ideas. Hopefully the plot isn't too bad, let me know what any of the people who read this think, if you think anything.
*EDIT*

Also, i'm not feeling too well today, so I probably won't be able to start writing the next snip until tomorrow or the day after.
*Double Edit*

Also hopefully some parts of this weren't too "cringe", I tried to show more of the ruthlessness? of the Empire but it may have been poorly expressed or a little edgy

 

[Gaemnomut]

Heh, yeah, writing is fun. It's time consuming as all hell, and pretty hard at times, but still really enjoyable.
As for the plot, it's ok imho. I'm interested in seeing who is behind all the new droid forges popping up.

 

[Sepulchare]

My biggest worry right now, after the grammar issues, is the story pacing, when I was writing the third snip I felt like stuff was moving a bit faster than it needed too, wasn't sure what to expand on and what to move past quickly, hopefully I was able to make it work well enough though.

Also, I haven't said this already, but Thank You for checking out these snips and helping me a bit with editing.
I hope you continue to enjoy reading this as much as I am writing it, even if the grammar could be better :d

 

[Gaemnomut]

My biggest worry right now, after the grammar issues, is the story pacing, when I was writing the third snip I felt like stuff was moving a bit faster than it needed too, wasn't sure what to expand on and what to move past quickly, hopefully I was able to make it work well enough though.

Click to shrink...

I guess that depends on what you have planned for future chapters. Atm it feels a lot like buildup to a mystery. Who is responsible for the droids being restarted, what is going on, and so forth. If this is what you're doing then I think it's fine as it is. Sure you might be able to improve, but all in all it's fine.
If the focus is supposed to be more on the clones themselves and their experiences, then I'd recomend slowing down some, and going into more detail in certain areas. For example, atm your focus is very much on the military side of things, what happened and how many troops they lost and so forth. Perhaps try to include some observations a man on the ground would make, like the smell of an area, or something else that's worth remembering even if it's not important to the battle. This is a journal written by a soldier after all, not a military report, right?

Take my advice with a grain of salt though, I don't know where you're heading with this, and I'm just a beginner myself. I haven't written much yet.

Also, I haven't said this already, but Thank You for checking out these snips and helping me a bit with editing.
I hope you continue to enjoy reading this as much as I am writing it, even if the grammar could be better :d

Click to shrink...

Sure thing. I know how frustrating it is to write something and getting no reaction at all. So when I see something I like, I try to leave a comment or two. And with the hype for the new star wars movie starting up a story about the good ol' 501 was just what I needed ;-)

 

[Sepulchare]

Quick little update, I've been super sick for the last few days, and I haven't been able to write which is really starting to piss me off, I will probably be able to start rewriting my outline sometime next week.