Seven Colours (Naruto)

Planeshunter · Aug 25, 2020

Surprise, I'm back!

This chapter was a bitch and a half to write. Which compounded everything else in my life into a muse-killing concoction. I had half resigned myself to shelving this story when… Well, I don't know what happened today, words just seemed to flow and fill all the holes and fix all the parts I didn't like.

Fucking Magic, I swear. Not that I'm complaining.

031 - About careless handling of unstable shinobi and horrible, horrible misunderstandings

Well, we're finally here. This is the forest that traumatised Karin. Rather, the forest where the ninja who traumatised Karin have their hideout. I would just set it on fire and be done with it, but our target being suspected Iwa-nin means [Hiding like a Mole Jutsu] and other easy ways to no-sell a forest fires. That and they'll give me the stink eye if I commit to wholesale landscaping.

Madara does it, he's a legend, I suggest it, people call me crazy. Typical.

Oh, well, I've waited too long to be satisfied with something so impersonal anyway. It's been weeks since I was first assigned this mission. Turns out handling the logistics of an operation like this isn't as easy as the Boss Dude telling me what to do. Isn't that how military dictatorships are supposed to work? Damn paperwork, it ruins everything.

Anyway, besides the fact we took friggin' forever, the travel was nice and uneventful. The first night out they tried to patronise me with some bullshit about my test not starting until we reached the enemy, that I would've happily taken advantage of to skip my turn during guards and sleep full nights in normal circumstances, but I happen to be aware of shinobi examinations and their favorite tactics, so I assumed the test was already on and this was a trap.

It's not like this is my first mission, you know? One gets used to guard shifts quickly, and I've never slept all that much anyway.

I even make a point to wake up at every guard shift even if it's not my turn, just in case I see something funny happening. Like now, when instead of going straight to bed, Jounin #2 went outside and took a couple of hours to come back. Problem? People do that all the time. To have a cig, to take a wee, to get away from people for a while, to find a hooker… take your pick.

It doesn't mean shit, I'm tired and tomorrow's the day, so I make note of it and go back to sleep.

Back to the present, I'm still in front of a forest holding an indeterminate amount of enemy ninja, not the time to let the mind wander. Taking a deep breath to refocus myself, I sign my ~~examinators~~ teammates I'll be taking point and to follow me, warning them about being stealthy and keeping an eye for traps.

Yes, I know I'm the one being patronising now, but I'm supposed to act like a Chunin would with his squad, so that's what I'm doing. Nevermind the fact they have ten times my experience in the field. Assuming they're not undercover Kusa-Anbu. I honestly have no idea what the Boss Dude feeds those guys, but I haven't been able to catch sight of them yet.

As I get into the depths of the forest, I sink into a sort of methodic focus, letting training and instinct take control as I sweep for traps while remaining as hidden as possible. Those I find, I have to signal to my squad without disarming. Too high a risk our target will be warned if we fiddle with them.

It's stressful work, but relatively straightforward. I can safely assume there's no trap specialist here, probably nobody over chunin either. That or they're particularly devious and are letting me be lulled into a false sense of saf—

I suddenly stop, foot not an inch away from a thin strand of ninja wire. If not for my actually secret training, I would've missed it completely and lost a foot, or at least gotten a very nasty cut. Eyeing around, I see no other trap like this, and internally frown. Wire traps like this don't really fit Iwa's MO in general, nor what I've learnt of this group so far in particular.

What's more, there's only one wire, this one. It's rather telling that it was placed in such a way I almost tripped it. Perfect positioning, not for any infiltrating shinobi, because that's impossible to manage, but for an infiltrating Shimada Ran. This isn't a defensive trap against intruders, but a deliberate attack against me in particular.

There's no way these guys know enough about me to prepare this. I eye the strand again, noticing an irregular sheen indicating some sort of liquid subtly smeared on it. Thin enough to not form droplets, and a delicate artwork only found in the best Suna puppet master or in…

I'll bet galleons against your knuts that liquid is one of Kusa's special mixes. This is active sabotage against me. My blood runs cold at the feeling of betrayal.

Is this their own initiative or was it ordained? Does the Boss Dude want me to fail? Or has he finally decided I'm not worth the hassle and wants to wash his hands off me in a way that won't draw Mother's ire on him?

Thinking about it, how come I never considered the possibility of being 'silenced' by the Village? I certainly give them enough trouble, at some point my potential, or even catering to Mother has to stop being worth it. Focused as I was in other matters, I just never thought I'd reach that point, or at least that it would be so soon.

As I'm reflecting this, I spy my two 'examiners' exchanging a look in the corner of my eye, and my pulse quickens. Muscles tense when I see one of them [Flickers] at my side and blood roars in my ears as he tries to put a hand on my shoulder.

They say time slows to a crawl when you're tense enough, but it wasn't like that in my case. He touched me and, next thing I knew, I had put a kunai through his chest and my hands were covered in blood. Then time slowed to a crawl.

Fuck!

"Hey, are you alright?" The other one hurries to break cover and get to me, can't blame him, there are now bigger concerns than stealth.

I just stand in place, too shocked to form a coherent answer, and his expression softens slightly. With very slow, very deliberately non-threatening moves, he puts a hand on my shoulder. From the front.

"Look, this is obviously not your fault, the idiot should know better then to approach a tense shinobi from behind. Probably even did it on purpose to be a jerk.. He just subestimated your speed."

He's been the cool guy all the mission, the one who makes the fun jokes and doesn't rub my inexperience in my face. I might still not remember his name, but he sure was nicer than Mister Bleeding Heart down there in the ground, so I hesitantly put a hand around him. This isn't as comforting as I hoped, but I'll take it.

"No I'm not okay." I whisper, before taking a step back to break contact and let out a short laugh that's well within the territory of hysterics. "I just wanted to get promoted, reach the exam safely and cheer on Karin while making sure she met the family she has there in Konoha."

He tenses, and I realize I've said too much. I do my best to collect myself and retake control, but it's like a damn dam has broken. There's no stopping the words now.

"But you had to sabotage me, didn't you? Now the Boss Dude will force me to assist Team Deader Meat and we'll be Orochimaru'd on the way there and all will follow canon and Karin will be miserable for years till she dies to save Sarada and who the fuck calls her daughter Salad? Is this Dragon Ball? Is she a saiyan?"

I'm rambling. I'm running my mouth and saying things I really should be keeping quiet. Which takes us to the next business of the day.

"… And now I have to kill you too"

"Easy there, the only place you're going is an interrogation cell back in Kusa." I get on guard and he laughs. "You won't be catching me by surprise like that idiot. What makes you think you can take on a jounin?"

He goes through some hand seals I recognise as genjutsu. The movements are slow and deliberate. He clearly wants me to know what he's doing, probably to jump at me the second I try to dispel it. Still, I form the release seal and channel a pulse of chakra.

"Katsu!" Indeed he tries to rush me, but there's a wet sound, kind of like a watermelon bursting, as soon as I finish channeling, and his body falls to the ground sans a good piece of his torso. "What makes me think I can take you? Just the explosive tag I slipped on you when you touched me. Nothing else."

Three hours later I leave the forest, my late teammates sealed in scrolls and seven cooling Iwa-nin corpses left behind. Okay, maybe not cooling, because I set their camp on fire, but you get what I mean. And no, I made sure the fire wouldn't spread, I don't need to be caught causing forest fires on top of everything else.

I let out a sigh. It should've been an easy thing. Inside and out, and the broken corpses of my enemies as the only witness of our mission. Well, my mission. Which means there would've been two other witnesses, but they'd be on my side and I kinda needed their positive verdict to become a chunin, so yeah.

Case is, as capable as the Iwa-nin were to kill two fresh and naive genin and their probably bored out of his mind jounin in a surprise ambush, they turned out to be quite incompetent when they were the ones being anbushed. The only reason I took so long was because I have to seed the place with hints pointing at Kumo, without being so obvious it would look like someone was trying to frame Kumo. That takes a while

Really, had things gone as they should, it would've taken me longer to say my goodbyes back in the Village than actually executing them. And I only get along with what, four people? Knowing then what I know now, I could've fucking walked into their camp and slit their throats in their sleep. Or seeded the underground with explosive tags and send them back to Iwa in bite-sized chunks with a single boom.

Once tempers cooled down and I examined the facts, I realized my 'examiners' were most likely under orders to subtly sabotage me, so I would have to take the exam anyway. I overreacted big time there, and there's nothing I can do now about it save for the three D: Deny, deny, deny. The Iwa-nin got the drop on us, Mister Bleeding Heart took a kunai for me, Cool Guy got exploded with a strange jutsu from a bitch I swear was part of the Explosion Corps.

I pinky promise, Boss Dude, they were friggin' heroes! They saved my life! I wouldn't have been able to accomplish the mission without them, I'll remember their nam— nicknames forever!

...I would even feel guilty about everything if I wasn't fighting for my life here. Taking the exam with Team Deader Meat was death a sentence.

Oh, who am I kidding, I'm more pissed off about drawing the wrong conclusions than anything else.

Stupid Shimada blood.

Planeshunter · Aug 28, 2020

032 - My Boss Dude can't be this petty!

"Let's go over it one last time." Boss Dude promises, but it's kind of lost its shine, that with it being the seventh time he says these words today. "Kasamitsu took a kunai for you, but somehow managed to power through a pierced heart for long enough to take his would-be killer with him."

"Eh, he was already pretty messed up." I wave my hand in front of my face. I know I'm being nonchalant, but I returned to the village without making stops, came to report straight from the field, I've told this tale ten times already, it's been hours and I'd really like to get back home and sleep for a week. "Jumping at me looked like a desperate gambit."

"One that paid off for them."

"They're all dead, along with all of my team, Boss." I protest tiredly. It's not hard to do, since I actually regret their deaths. Such a pointless waste… "I'd say nobody won."

"I'll have to go through the details with my advisors later." He grumbles, and it's the closest to hinting this meeting will end at some point he's gotten yet. He takes a different paper from his desk, eyeing it as he shifts topics. "And while Masanobu managed to avoid a heart injury, he also got a whole fist into his chest cavity soon afterwards, a fist that then Exploded."

"It was a big surprise, and kinda gross. I think I still have pieces of lung in my hair." Speaking of that… "On that topic, I'd appreciate the chance of a shower at some point this year, Boss."

"And yet you managed to kill them all." He presses on without acknowledging my very sensible… Nay, I'd even say 'sanitary' request.

"There wasn't all that much left over by that point." Pun intended. I was just reminded I'm gross on top of tired, sue me. "Bleeding Heart and Cool Guy did a good job before going down, I think I only survived because I was the lesser threat. And, not to polish my own horn or anything." I quickly add, intending to do exactly that. This is supposed to be a promotion review, after all. "But I am damn good in a fight."

"Yes, yes, you've given us the play-by-play already. Look, Shimada. I'll be candid with you here." I bite my tongue not to snark how that would be a first. "We wanted a clean mission for your promotion, so we investigated the field before sending you. There was no one from the Explosion Corp in their group. Their fucking exploding nin are big news, since they can take down whole villages if let unchecked, so everyone pays a close eye to them. They don't just 'appear' somewhere without half the world knowing. See now why I'm having trouble believing that part of the story?"

"Well, that's a good point..." Bullshit. If those imaginary investigators could get close enough to tell that for sure, why the hell would they send us? They could've done the mission already and saved time and resources. Not that I can call him on it. "As a counterargument, I'm going to say 'Deidara'."

"There's a slight difference between an S-rank missing-nin with support from an organization of even more dangerous monsters and a lone Explosion Corps operative you could take on by yourselves."

"My point is that Iwa can lose a S-rank threat like him. One that's known to be unstable and have destructive tendencies. One they raised themselves and they sure as hell they have a way or seven to fight against. One who goes into withdrawal unless he does something stupidly flashy at least once per month. One who has zero stealth training, by the way…" I raise a finger, a light heat on my cheeks as I realize I'm rambling. "Not the point. What I'm trying to get at is that claiming to know something for sure in this world is suicidally pretentious. Heck, I don't even know if she was really Explosion Corps or just someone with a messy taijutsu secret move."

"Well, if nothing else you've kept your story straight through some of our best non-invasive interrogation methods. Besides the disturbing fact your own participation wasn't nearly as over-the-top as I've come to expect, I got nothing to pin on you." Of course, I am— Wait, what? "So there won't be any official follow up from this incident. Regarding the possibility of a field promotion…"

I hold my breath. This is it, the moment of truth when history gets made or unmade! Will I get my well-deserved rank up? Or will I be sentenced to a very short future ending with a faceless corpse?

"Congratulations on your promotion." I hold back the urge to raise my arms and whoop, but it's a close thing. Fuck yeah! Things are still on track! All according to plan! Take that, Murphy, I survived your Madoka-damned trip-wiring ninjas of sabotaging doom! Who's laughing now? I am! Because I'm not going to die horribly!! "There's a hang on. You'll be taking a month of enforced suspension to deal with the trauma. Then it'll be solo missions until we can find a team you can fit in."

"Are you sure Boss? I can still work!" A month free of obligations followed by official leave to do missions my way… It's like it's christmas and my birthday all rolled into one. Which is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. Nothing I know about Kusa indicates medical leaves for mental reasons are a thing. Karin sure didn't get suspended for her own traumas.

"Don't celebrate so soon, Shimada." Aaaaaand here comes the other shoe. "We can't afford our shinobi to get paid for doing nothing. This is coming out of your vacation days."

"What? But I had already filed for those! It was already approved!"

"And now the approval is revoked." He shrugs. "You take your vacation now, then it is a full year of work."

"That is workforce exploitation!"

"And this is a military dictatorship, your point?"

"Can't I just give up my payment for this month?"

"No."

"But I—"

"You have your orders, Shimada. Now get out of here before I involve the Kusa-anbu!"

At that I have to leave. What else can I do? Boss Dude was clearly serious, he never involves the Kusa-anbu. Once I'm outside his office I can't help but let out an inarticulate sound of frustration.

He did it on purpose! It's not like I was trying to hide why I asked for my vacation time when I did, and he just went and overruled me just to be petty. Because he couldn't find proof I killed my team! I can't believe he was interrogating me! Can't one get away with a bit of accidentally highly treasonous manslaughter scot free anymore? What's the world coming to?

Stupid Shinobi World...

As soon as I leave the building, Karin tackle-hugs me. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm always ready for Karin's tackle-hugs, but she still manages to topple me over. I blink in confusion. This is certainly a welcome surprise, but I don't get why she would lie in ambush for hours on end until I'm done with my repor— interrogation. So why is she hugging me for dear life and trying to bury her face in my honestly lackluster bosom?

"I heard about your team." She murmurs from your chest. Oh, that would explain it. "I'm sorry."

"Eh, don't worry. I didn't know them for long and—" Wait, could this lead to a reversal of last time? "On second thought I feel terrible and might need some therapeutic cuddling."

She freezes for a moment, then all her worry dissolves into relieved giggles. "Only you, Ran." She finally says after running out of air to keep giggling. Good, this is way better than a crying Karin.

We get up and walk back home, with me being bombarded by questions all along the way. It briefly crosses my mind to find some place to eat, but truth is I'd kill for a shower about now. Yeah, I'm hungry and all, and it's always nice to spend time with Karin, but there's days old gore in my hair. Gross and unsanitary.

So we just walk home at a sedated pace. Once we arrive, there's another surprise waiting. Or rather, it's Mother who is waiting for us. Sitting at the kitchen cable, tea already serv— Huh, there's only two mugs?

"Ran, we need to talk." I don't like how that sounds. "Karin..."

"I'llbeinthebedroomgoodnightbye!" Traitor...

I sit in front of Mother and take a sip of blazing hot tea. Unlike usual, there isn't a long uncomfortable silence.

"What happened during the mission?"

The break in the pattern makes me hesitate long enough to consider lying but, in the end, I decide against it. I mean, it doesn't really serve any purpose, it's doubtful I'd get away with it and I don't really want to, so…

I tell her everything. From the slightest little detail on our way there, Bleeding Heart's casual disdain and Cool Guy's jokes, to the serious things like the trap that almost took my foot, my realization about their true purpose, my accidentally putting a kunai through Bleeding Heart's chest… or how I infiltrated a camp of missing-nin with still-drying gore in my hair to kill them all. That was kind of stupid now that I think about it, the smell could've easily given me away.

I only keep to myself the contents of my rant during my breakdown. I doubt she missed it, but she doesn't' press on it either. Instead, she remains quiet all along my tale. And for a long while afterwards.

Oh, here you are, uncomfortable silence! I didn't miss you at all!! I take another sip of tea.

"I hope you have a long term plan, Ran." She finally comments. "Because things can't remain like this."

"I… don't know what you mean?" And I don't, I hope. I mean, there's this vague suspicion in the back of my mind, but it's both impossible and carries terrifying implications, so I'll ignore it.

"After Makise died you suddenly decided to dive head-first into training and become the best kunoichi you can be. Where you used to grumble and drag your feet, you began working without pause. Where you once treated the future as something abstract that would never catch up to you, suddenly you became hyper focused. You don't pause, you don't rest." I feel my vision swim and something cold and heavy at my stomach. Because one thing is knowing something you're not happy about, and a different thing to have it ruthlessly said out loud. "I might be proud of what you've achieved, but I'm not blind to the obvious. You didn't choose this."

"It's… It's my problem, Mother." And my stupid pride still gets in the way. "I can deal with it."

"You might've weathered the situation so far, but you haven't 'dealt with it'." She chides, not unkindly. Which is really weirding me out, by the way. "So far I've let things play out, waiting for whatever your plan to solve the situation to bear fruit, but you're running out of time."

That startles me out of my self-pity. There's no way she can be referring to—

"You are frazzling, Ran. The pressure is getting to you."

Okay, that's not what I was afraid of. But what does she mean 'frazzling'?

"Little mistakes born from mental exhaustion are slowly growing worse. A trap you should've caught on sooner, a hint you failed to chase, a threat you assessed wrongly… Those are indicators of a problem that'll end killing you, if you let it fester long enough."

… Oh.

She puts her mug down, entwining her fingers under her chin in a pose reminiscing of Hokage Tsunade, or Ikari Gendo. "So I need to know, is there an endgame beyond maintaining this status quo?"

Left unsaid is the fact she'll take matters in her own hands if it isn't. This is… an unexpected hurdle. Should I insist on keeping my cards close to my chest? Having pride is one thing, but letting Mother worry to the point of distress is something very different.

Then again, by the time this is over, I'll have done way worse.

The silence stretches as I try to piece an answer together.

"I…. I honestly hadn't noticed, but it shouldn't be a problem for long." I finally say. I can't afford the risk of Mother acting before I'm ready. "I have a plan. I can't tell you the details, but give me ten… No, five months should be more than enough." Can she figure out what I'm planning just from that? Maybe, but I'll take the risk over having her lose sleep because of m—

I mean, I can't risk ruining years of planning just because Mother jumped the gun! Yeah! That's what I meant!

"You still owe me, Ran." I freeze. Out of all the times for Mother to mention the topic, this might very well be the most inopportune. "I've not forgotten, and I doubt you have either."

"Of course, Mother." How could I forget? I would've lost Karin three times over without her help, not to mention I would've probably gone out in a blaze of glory trying to either save or avenge her. Which doesn't magically make this timing not to utterly suck for discussing the topic. "Did you have something in mind?"

"As a matter of fact, I have: Live." What? "I don't care about what other plans of goals you set for yourself. I want to know you won't throw your life away for them." The swimming vision and cold stomach comes back, this time accompanied by intense facial heat. Maybe I'm coming down with something? "Live a long, prosperous life. As your Mother, that's all I want from you."

Damnit Mother! "I… " And my stupid throat has to get a knot precisely now! "I promise I will." There's hoping she believes me.

There's another long pause, where Mother's eyes study me with an intensity that would put the sun to shame. Her glare is always piercing, but now I feel like she's examining my very soul, and judging the worth of my words. Finally, she nods and stands up, taking the empty mugs with her.

"See that you do."

I can only nod, and stand up to ~~flee~~ retire to my room while she cleans up the table.

"And Ran?" She stops me when I'm at the door. "I'll need to have words with our fearless leader. You might find it somehow affects your vacation times."

What have I done to deserve such a great Mother?

I couldn't fit the problem in the next interlude, so I had Mother confront her with it instead. Hopefully Ran will be a bit more aware that her decision making capabilities are compromised from now on (heh, as if). It also means the 'you can't go watch the exam' petty subplot had to be scrapped, because Mother is going to be pissed about the entire farce, and there's no way that particular piece of bullshit will stand.

It wasn't a great subplot anyway.

So! The Boss Dude will need a new office, and I might skip to the day Ran leaves for the Exam. That means Whatsyourface's (Ryūzetsu's one) Interlude

Planeshunter · Aug 30, 2020

This piece is written in second person. No idea why, it just came out like that.

033 - Ryūzetsu's Whatshisface Interlude: How to deal with the little monster.

It's a quiet and nice day in Kusa. You have no plans to take any mission today, sensei isn't around to train your 'situational awareness', and Shimada isn't in town to rave at your team(mates) about the unfairness of life or beg about news about her own dorm mate. With whom she has a disturbing obsession… and might be also her adoptive sister?

You feel a shiver crawling up your spine. Yeah, not thinking about that. She won't be back for at least a month, so you can occupy your mind with more pleasant thoughts, like how some species of wasps put their eggs inside live spiders, and their larva eats them alive once they hatch.

… You'll miss how she always took care of the bill, though.

"I hear they've finally rebuilt the Boss Dude's office." Ryūzetsu comments, distractedly toying with the straw of her drink.

"I'm surprised he managed to get the workers on board in the first place." Muku answers, ignoring the casual disrespect of our tyrant leader. One can only listen to Shimada so many times before it sticks. "There were rumours that they'd demolish the whole building instead, and build something else somewhere."

"... I'm still confused about that one." You finally pipe in. "The Boss Dude's office gets destroyed and nobody raises a fuss. I was expecting martial law and curfew at the very least. Maybe some public executions."

"We're in a military dictatorship, we're always under martial law."

"Oh, bite me Ryūzetsu!" You get along with your team better than you ever expected, but she can still be a pedantic bitch when she wants to piss you off. "You know what I mean!"

"Oh, yeah, you're not from a clan, so you wouldn't know." Thank god you have Muku. You can always depend on him. "It's simple, really. If you want to live in Kusa you must always remember not to piss off the Shimada. Since they're both helpful and scary as hell, and they don't really go looking for trouble, it's not a hard thing to do. Still, all the old clans have warnings passed down, just in case."

"From time to time though, some of the higher ups either think they're above it or are clanless shinobi who didn't get the memo and try anyway." Ryūzetsu pipes in. "Last time it was my clan elders, and coincidentally we had new leadership instated two years ago. I'll give you three chances to guess who tried now, and the first two don't count.

Another shiver goes down your spine. Like most of your promotion, you've always wondered why Shimada got away with half of the things she did back in the Academy. Especially when she had the whole Haizuki Clan against her. Then you graduated, and someone told you a bit about her family. Months later you still wake up drenched in sweat some mornings, and thank all the kami you're still alive after the stunts you pulled on her back then.

"For what I hear," she continues. "He either tried to either have the little monster put down or... " Now it's her turn to shiver. "Set her up to fail."

"You don't try to make a Shimada fail." Muku explains at your confused expression. "They'll succeed anyway just to spite you, and then bite your head off. He got lucky the current matriarch is so stupidly loyal to the village or we'd be having meetings to pick a new leader about now."

"Sometimes you see her sitting there, rambling about that weird obsession she has with Uzumaki, and she almost seems harmless." You comment, still trying to digest the new information. 'Scary' might fall short, you'll have to find a new word to describe her. "Then you remember she was perfectly willing to gouge an eye out of its socket back when we were ten."

"Nine." Ryūzetsu pedants again. Is 'to pedant' a real verb? Whatever, it is now. "But she's not that bad." At my incredulous look, she lets out a chuckle. "Sure, she's hard to understand, but she's also painfully easy to work with, provided you have two brain cells to rub together."

"Are you suggesting something about her team?"

"I'll bet my heir position nobody in her team tried to sit down with her and have an honest heart-to-heart."

"Bullshit."

"It worked for me." She shrugs. "And I spent years doing my best to turn her life into a living hell. What you need to realize first is that she doesn't care about things most people consider important. She just doesn't think like you or me."

"And you know how she thinks?"

"I know enough. When I say she doesn't care, I mean it. She doesn't give a flying fuck about you, she doesn't have a flying fuck about her team, and I'll eat my forehead protector if she gives more than half a flying fuck about me. In whatever messed up set of priorities she has, most people don't even ping the radar."

She stops to finish her drink while you assimilate her words. It certainly would explain her behaviour, if it didn't exactly detract from the horror. Instead of being a terribly cruel or ruthless individual, she's someone terribly indifferent. Yeah, you're still going to have those recurrent nightmares, but she'll now probably look bored while hacking your arms and legs off and hanging you by his entrails.

"But it also makes her easy to deal with. Because ultimately she doesn't care about you, she won't take offense. Even if by some miracle you manage to piss her off, she'll forget about it as soon as whatever caused the problem disappears. Something I recommend you see to ASAP, because she's liable to gouge your eyes out for a minor offense. Because she just doesn't fucking care."

"Now, she's strong and smart, and scarily competent." Muku continues for her after nodding a couple of times at her explanation. "And keeping her happy is stupidly easy. So don't go around poking the sleeping dragon, and you'll be alright."

"I know I joke sometimes about her not being human, but right now you sound as if..."

"As if she really isn't?" Ryūzetsu finishes for me. "That's because I don't think she is. At least…" She pats her forehead with two fingers. "Up here. 'Little monster' is a title that fits her to a T."

"But she gets along with some people, right? Karin? You two?"

"Yes, some people. Without hows or whys we normal humans can understand. I still have no idea what causes her to take an interest in people." She shakes her head. "Take us two for instance. Muku and me were the strongest in our promotion, sure, but she never gave a flying fuck about that, and she somehow remembered our names from day one, anyway. There's nothing that would explain why she latched onto Uzumaki either. I'll admit she's strong and somewhat cute, but she's not the only cute girl in our class, and she didn't become strong until after Shimada took her under her wing."

"... Maybe she just likes redheads?" You offer. There were no more redheads in your class. Is kind of a rare hair color in the Elemental Nations.

"… Sounds stupid, but who knows with Shimada? It might be as simple as that." She throws her plastic cup at a trash can. It goes wide, but then she throws her straw at it and somehow both things end up going in. After bouncing in a signpost. Muku and you clap a bit and she takes an exaggerated bow before continuing. "Also, I suspect she's being subtly nurtured for our team."

"The Boss Dude dropped the ball with his last stunt." Muku comments. "But everything else adds up."

"It 'adds up'?" You don't like how that sounds. "That makes no sense! And why all the cloak and dagger? Couldn't the Boss Dude just assign her with you from the start?"

"Not if he wanted it to work." She explains. "Since the moment she was pulled away from Uzumaki, she's made very clear her thoughts about it. And I'm pretty sure the Boss Dude knew beforehand."

"I really hope he had good reasons to separate those two, by the way." You mutter, starting to see the logic of it all. "Whatever team she was assigned to, she would resent."

"Meanwhile we're the sympathetic ear who commiserates when she complains about her, as she puts it, 'Karin withdrawal'." She says, making air quotes "It all has to be subtle, though, because if she hears this was the plan from the start, there's a high chance she'll blow it out of sheer spite. Between you and me, I half-expected her team to have suffered a 'unfortunate incident' by now."

"Wait, you mean the Boss Dude set the whole team to die?"

"Don't put words in my mouth that might end up with the Kusa-anbu after my ass." She grumbles. "But they were the graduates and sensei with less potential and that can't be coincidence, so it wouldn't surprise me if he did. Shimada is that useful to the village. Or at least can become such."

"So he's just waiting for one of us to die?" Which means you, because your teammates are leagues ahead.

"Oh, sweet summer child." Ryūzetsu shakes her head in amusement.

"What? What did I say?"

"I would talk with the Boss Dude if I were you, Miki-san." Muku pats your shoulder. "Just in case there's an 'unfortunate incident' slotted for you. In the near future."

"Isn't she a chunin already?" You point out, your voice maybe a pitch higher than usual. "Won't it be easier for the Boss Dude to simply put her in charge of our team instead once we get some more experience?"

"Well, maybe…" Ryūzetsu concedes slowly, obviously wondering why she didn't think of that herself. She looks at Muku, obviously asking for a second opinion.

"She likes us well enough," He agrees slowly. "making the team her responsibility might work."

You deflate in relief, that means you're safe. Heck, it might even be a good thing! Sensei isn't bad, but it's not hard to notice he considers the team a chore half the time. If Shimada is so stupidly effective at everything, she might be a suitable replacement. Maybe you'll even become the next Sannin.

Wait, wouldn't that mean you'd be Jiraiya?

"For now, at least." Muku continues, pulling you out of your daydream. "I mean, sooner or later the Boss Dude will have to concede and put Uzumaki in Shimada's team. And I can guarantee you won't like being in the way of that."

Okay, you're screwed. Time to find a way to get reassigned.

Arc 2: Pile Gambit, END.

This is what I had ready for the 'you can't go to the exams' subplot

Planeshunter said:
That evening, the Boss Dude examines the slightly crumpled up note a harried-looking chunin had just delivered him. There's no doubt about it's authenticity. He'd known for months this development was a distinct possibility, but to have material proof of it…

"This Shimada Ran will be humbly ignoring orders and acting on her own volition for a month or so, please have it in your heart to be lenient when she comes back, Boss." As he finishes reading the word, his stony facade breaks into a sharp grin. "All according to plan."

In that continuity, he'd use her 'desertion' as leverage/excuse to put her into Ryūzetsu's team once she returned.

On other news, I'm glad the Pile Gambit arc is done. Things were getting too contrived. Next we have a month of relative peace in Konoha, without a care in the world (or the closest to that a paranoid shinobi can get) while ~~Karin fights for her life~~the exams take place. I'm not sure when I'll start posting the third arc tho. My notes are bare bones for this.

Planeshunter · Mar 26, 2021

It's back! I promised you guys this would happen sooner or later and it's finally here. I have reasons why this story is a bit more important to me than most, so there was never a chance it would be abandoned for good. Though I have to admit it was a good three years between writing the one-shot that inspired it and actually got around to properly write it, so how long 'later' could've stretched was anyone's guess.

Until now! Because we're back in business!!

034 - Konoha (The land of opportunity)

I have a problem.

And this isn't a problem like when traveling with Grandfather turned out to be not so great, or when I had to figure out how to tattoo storage seals on my wrists with invisible ink for my trump card. No, this is a serious problem. The process has been subtle and insidious, but there's no way I can miss it anymore. You see, I am becoming Future Ran.

… Don't laugh!

Future Ran is serious and responsible, she always clears up my messes and all her plans come to fruition. I don't feel like I am any of that, but the clock's ticking and I'm running out of time. I'll have to step up to the plate sooner rather than later.

For the longest time, the Konoha Chunin Exams were just a vague possibility for the future. Something I even detachedly looked forward to. I mean, who wouldn't? I like to think I never was the acheotypical stupid fangirl who would squee at the chance of being inserted, but I was, at least, a little bit giddy at the possibility of meeting my favorite characters face to face.

Now? Not so much.

Shikamaru would peg me as strange in the first five minutes of conversation and wouldn't let go until he made me spill the beans in some subtle and overly elaborate plan that actually wouldn't take much effort on his part.

Hinata is a sweet girl, but she's also kind of scary? Yandere potential aside, I really don't want her to take an interest in me right now.

Yakumo might be my favorite filler character, but I'd rather only interact with her after her Dying Will Flames of the Mist Real Illusion Demon/Shadow Alterego Persona Thingie (kind of a mouthful, I know) is dealt with.

Naruto would… There's a nonzero chance of Naruto being able to tell people apart by their very souls, which is all sorts of bad news for my plans. The least be said about Aburame or Inuzuka, the best.

Because that's the crux of the matter. I have plans, and there's so much hanging on them. My neck, to begin with, Karin's too, most likely. And they're not the best plans to begin with, so I don't need to add further complications. Or rather, they're the best but that doesn't make them good.

And yet, I have to spend a month here, cheering on Karin, but without spending too much time with her, because I'd rather she bonded with her cousin and maybe clan head and I have to avoid him like the plague. And it makes me feel… I don't know. I don't know, okay? There's a reason why I don't usually do introspection.

Konoha's walls appear between the stupid-ass giant trees so common in this part of Fire Country, and I can only think that's too soon. At some point during my travel I must've gotten too lost in my own mind and increased my pace without thinking.

That's what I'm going to assume happened, because it's the only way I'd reach Konoha before the actual aspiring teams, who left Kusa with a two days advantage. Cutting through the wilderness instead of following the snaking road like a damn civilian probably helped, now that I think about it.

In any case, here we are. Time to pull out my permit and enter a ninja village not my own in an entirely legitimate way.

… Now, that's a weird thought.

Konoha's security is relaxed by necessity. They simply don't have the human resources to keep track of everyone during an event like this one. As a low-ranking nin from an allied minor village, my own threat rating is pretty much down the gutter, so as long as I don't do something stupid and attention grabbing, they won't bother with me.

It should be a good thing, but… I'm kind of bad at not grabbing attention. How does one do unassuming, anyway? I tried it once, back when I hadn't yet resigned myself to excel like the bloody Shimada I am, and I failed spectacularly. The question is, did I learn enough about what not to do to pull it off now? It's only a month, right? I should manage, right?

… Yeah, I don't believe it either, but I'll have to try anyway.

I show my papers at the gate, hiding my disappointment at the eternal gatekeepers not manning the post at the moment, and step into the village proper. I was expecting a shiver down my spine as I set my foot in, maybe a sense of trepidation clenching my heart or a moment frozen in time as my brain registered the event and burned it to memory.

Instead, I took another step. And then another, and another, and another one. As opposed to what some people say about me, I did check a map of the city before leaving Kusa, so I don't have trouble locating a hotel. Not the best, maybe, but with good installations, a private onsen and a reputation for clean rooms. Good enough for me.

After getting the keys for a couples room for the following month, I leave to take a look around the civilian markets and kill some time. The teams from Kusa are scheduled to arrive today, but with most of them being lazy bastards, it'll be some hours before they make it here.

In the end, the markets were a dud. I saw a couple of interesting things, but nothing to really get my attention and keep me entertained, so I ended up going back at the gates and waiting near them for three hours.

It was a relief when the teams from Kusa finally popped their heads along the path. Everyone is there, looking healthy and whole. Team We-Run-From-Bears and Team Deader Meat are walking at a sedated pace in what appears to be a basic defensive formation... Which means Karin is right in the middle.

Bitches, Karin can wipe the floor with your collective asses.

Besides that small slight, nothing draws attention to them. Just a normal group of normal genin from a normal minor village visiting in a normal way for their perfectly normal Chunin Exam. In other words, Orochimaru pulled off his assassination and replacement so flawlessly nobody even noticed. As expected of him, really.

I try to put that out of my mind when Karin finally notices me, a wide smile brightening her face at the pleasant surprise. Did she really think I would arrive after her just because she left earlier? Pu~lease!

"Ran-chan!" Karin rushes to my side as soon as they are given the all-clear. "I wasn't expecting you for days!"

"Yeah, well. I'm prodigious like that." I wink at her. "How was the trip? Any bear in the way?"

"Ran-chan…"

"Shimada." Whatever else Karin was going to say is interrupted when the leader of Team Deader Meat approaches me. "I wasn't sure whether we would see you here in Konoha, but Uzumaki was insistent you'd come."

Orochimaru. If there was any doubt about his identity, they vanish as soon as he approaches me. It's nothing I can put a pin on. Heck, I'm pretty sure his act is objectively perfect, but there's a shiver down my spine the moment he calls my name and I just know.

I don't react to that knowledge, though. I don't freeze up, I don't grow tense. This is something I wouldn't have been able to achieve, in most circumstances. Only by committing time and effort to it have I been able to accept that there's not a single thing I can do against him and thus, there's no point in acting differently. A pathetic epiphany, and nothing short of self-hypnosis.

"Here I am." I answer with chill. With all the chill. I'm the chillest chill this side of the Mississippi, cooler than a watermelon in sunglasses. "I'm officially on a holiday, but if you guys need the occasional hand with training, just hit me up. I'll give Karin the information on where I'm staying later."

I'm not making the offer idly. I have exactly zero interest in breaking my R&R by putting up with these lazy bums. But there's something well known about me, something anyone with even cursory knowledge of me would know, something I might want in return from helping around.

What catches me on the back foot is the barely concealed shiver as he takes a step back and looks around nervously.

"That's… generous of you, Shimada. But we should have it covered." He licks his lips nervously, looking a bit green. Heck, both teams look a bit green. Food poisoning? Maybe the trip didn't sit well with them? "Actually, why don't you take Uzumaki with you? There's little we can do before the first phase anyway. I'm sure our sensei won't mind giving her some time to kick off and relax before the exam starts in earnest."

He looks behind him, where the two jounin-sensei and Karin's actual team leader hurry to agree with his words. There's something that sounds suspiciously like 'please don't hurt us' coming from them, and I wonder whether Orochimaru might not be that good at infiltration after all, he has everyone terrorized!

…

Anyway, that's not what I was aiming for, but I'll take it. With a shrug, I grab Karin's hand and disappear amongst the mass of civilians before someone can change their mind. Karin is mine until the exams proper!

"So!" I ask once I'm reasonably sure chasing us isn't worth the effort. "Do you want to gather intel on the competition or go see the sights?"

"I think we can leave the cloak and dagger stuff for tomorrow. And maybe do something relaxing before sightseeing?" She smiles tiredly, stretching like a cat. "Right now I just want to sit down and maybe have a nice dinner."

"Say no more, I know the place!" I answer cheerfully

If you're thinking Yakiniku Q, you're utterly wrong. Who the heck has barbeque for dinner, anyway? Especially after a long trip. No, as much as Karin doesn't conform to that certain irritating trope about the Uzumaki, Ichiraku's is still the best ramen place in the Elemental Nations.

… Or maybe it isn't, I've never been there myself. That's why we're paying a visit.

It's still a bit early for dinner, so we take a sedated pace to get there. The streets of Konoha may hold little interest to me, but strolling alongside Karin is a different matter altogether. I feel myself relax as she tells me about her own trip here. And I let myself forget about the absolute shitshow that's coming.

The smell hits us before the place comes to sight. Miso, baked bone, seafood and the other thousand subtle and blatant aromas of a shop that deals with a variety of broths, accompanied by an undertone of ground cereal, exclusive to places that dough their own noodles.

I smile as we get closer, readying a bit of a grandstanding introduction. My hand goes to the curtain, lips splitting for my announcement as I pull it open and-

"Welcome to Ichiraku's!" A cheerful male voice comes from inside, stepping on my line.

I very pointedly don't pout as we take our seats, and whoever says otherwise is a lying liar who lies. Obviously Karin's snickering is because of some old joke she just happened to remember. At least the waitress is cute.

It's at that moment, right as I'm trying to figure out what I want to try first, that my day gets utterly and completely ruined by a cheerfully boisterous voice coming right from my side and possibly ruining my hearing for the rest of the evening.

"Oi, Ossan! Another three tonkotsu here!"

I freeze, slowly turning my head to the side to verify what I already know to be true. Uzumaki Naruto is here. Because of course he's here. Somehow, it never crossed my mind that this place's best client, who just happens to be in the top 3 of Konoha people I didn't want to randomly meet, might be eating here.

I've always planned on helping the lovable fool meet and connect with Karin, but it was supposed to be something engineered from afar, without involving myself with Naruto if at all possible. As mentioned before, Naruto is bad news for my anonymity. How did I even miss a blonde in eye-searing orange sitting in the stall when I came in?

Don't… don't talk to me, okay? I know. Dear Homura, devil of love, I'm a fucking idiot.

… Maybe he won't see me if I don't move?

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn't at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here's my Patreon. It's not much, but it's mine. Don't feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my work?

MudkipSage · Mar 26, 2021

"Hello Uzumaki. What Ramen would you reccomend?"
"How did you know my name?"
"You smell like an Uzumaki. This is my Uzumaki. her name is Karin, she's probably your cousin several times removed."
*Twin shocked Uzumaki, 'I have Family?!?!' faces*
"Hey Bonde, I still wanted to know what Ramen you recomend. Don't worry Karin, your still my favorite, but I'll tolarte him if you want to keep him"

[Several hours later]
"Thank you for meeting with us we-"
"I'm in."
"I'm sorry?"
"Your trying to get me to defect, right? Yeah they bullied my Karin, so i'm in."
"...You would throw away your loyalty so easily?"
"I'm loyal to my family. My family is all dead, except for Karin, who I adopted, and they bullied."
"..."
"Can i be the one to tell team Deader Meat and Afraid-Of-Bears? I bet they'll make funny faces."
"Let's just get started on the paperwork for now, we can deal with the...Political ramifactions of you and Uzumaku-chan's defection later.."
"Okay, but i'm going to ignore it if it's inconvenient, and if anyone tries to take away my Karin, I will beat them to death with a frying pan."
"I see. Just out of curiosity, Have you ever met a woman nammed Kushina?"
"No? Huh for some reason she sounds really cool tho. Got any stories?"
"Perhaps later"
"Oh, and I would like to request being kept far away from the Snake Sannin you got infiltrating another team. He's creepy."
*Hokage Migrain Intensifies*
"I'm sorry. What?"

Planeshunter · Mar 29, 2021

035 - Meeting the locals
(In the name of everything that's cute and fluffy, leave me alone!)

Fortunately for my blood pressure, Naruto seems too absorbed with inhaling the food in front of him to pay attention to his surroundings and our own dinner goes by without any upset. I don't know about 'best in the Elemental Nations', but Ichiraku sure knows his shit. This is the best ramen I've ever had.

I've already paid and given my compliments to the chef when…

… What? I can be polite, you know? There's a difference between socially awkward and utterly useless, okay?

Whatever, as I was saying, we are leaving. I have to admit feeling a teensy little bit guilty about not dragging Karin and Naruto together right here right now, but I'll get over it. It's not like it'll be the end of the world to wait a bit and set up things properly. Probably wait until they're done with the Forest of Death so they have a month to get used to each other without anything important getting in the way.

Also, plot reasons. Who knows what could change if I put my foot in my mouth before Orochimaru makes his move, after all?

So yeah, exfiltration successful, chance lost, it won't be missed. I can't help my lips curving upwards in relief as–

"Uzumaki Naruto!!!" Oh, fuck me sideways. "What do you think you're doing still here?"

Have I offended the gods? Sweet Hylia, goddess of whatever, what have I done to deserve the Pink Banshee interruption? I take a mental deep breath to calm down. Life is what happens while you are making other plans and all that. Nothing to it but try to make the best out of the situation. My smile turns into a frown as I turn around for that Oscar Award I never knew I would earn.

"Uzumaki!?" My eyes zero in on the girl as I leave Karin's side to practically pounce at her. "Did you say 'Uzuma—'?"

She interrupts me with a very rude squawk and tries to… flail at me?

"'—ki'?" I catch her arm, doing my best to convey my lack of amusement with an arched eyebrow. "Do you usually greet people like this?"

"Who do you think you are!?" She tries to slap me with her other hand, but I catch it too. Seriously this is getting old. "Unhand me this instant!"

"... Right." I very pointedly wait a couple of seconds before slowly relaxing my grip. She jumps back as soon as her hands are free, pulling a kunai and taking a fighting stance. I find myself humming in approval, that's not a bad stance at all. "My name is Shimada Ran, and this cutie here is my adoptive sister, Uzumaki-Shimada Karin."

Admittedly, she's never been called Uzumaki-Shimada before, but it's still the truth. Karin blushes and headbutts my shoulder with an embarrassed groan.

"Now, I heard about one Uzumaki Naruto?" I force myself to put a smile on my face. I never liked Sakura as a character, but this is a real person in front of me, it wouldn't be fair to judge her by a cartoonish caricature of her worst traits. "Sorry if I came out too strong, but that's kind of important family business here. I lost my cool for a second."

Damn am I cool or what? Everyone is speechless.

"L-leave Sakura-chan alone!" Huh, is he stuttering before my coolness? That's kinda cute. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! You better believe it!"

My left eye twitches. Oh, cursed be the one-eyed fiendish blade and the blazing inferno gestating inside! Why did that horrible verbal tick have to be real!? I suddenly don't feel like dealing with this anymore.

"Yeah, whatever, nice to meet you Blondie." I nudge Karin towards him. "Why don't you take this yourself?"

"U-um! I'm Uzumaki-Shimada Karin from Kusa." She manages to get out before taking a deep bow. Damn, she's taken my joke about her name and ran away with it, hasn't she? It sounds kind of nice so I don't mind. "Please treat me kindly!"

Silly Karin, of course he's going to treat you kindly if he doesn't want his teeth and intestines to switch places.

"A-ah! Uzumaki Naruto! Likewise!"

But still… What's she acting all skittish around him for?

"Karin? Why are you… Oh." Chakra sensor, Kyuubi chakra, derp. "Look closer Karin, that doesn't come from him."

She throws me a confused look, before shrugging and focusing on Naruto. I get a bit worried when she takes more than a second to be done with it, eyes widening and pupils dilating, but she snaps out of it soon enough. From there, the awfully awkward conversation I want no part in begins in earnest.

They have a lot in common, after all. Even if very little to share about their common family. From the fact they are both attending their first Chunin Exam, to how neither of them has grown in the best environment and everything in-between. Before they know it, they're both laughing at funny tales of each other's lives, and I find myself feeling more and more like the third wheel.

So I hold an impromptu staredown contest with the pink banshee, who is standing to Naruto's side, looking as awkward as I feel. She looks away first, it doesn't even take long. Damn, now I'll need to entertain myself in some other fashion. I thought Sakura was competitive?

"Okay then!" Naruto slams the table, drawing everyone's attention. Ah, that means the four of us and Ichiraku's family, because there's nobody else in the stall at the moment. "I'll go talk with Jiji! I'm sure he won't mind giving you a pass to come visit whenever you want. You're family after all!"

… Well, that was faster than expected. It really shouldn't have been, because Naruto, but somehow I'd expected him to take longer to open up to Karin. Stupid of me, I know.

"Naruto!" His teammate protests. "You can't just go to the Hokage and ask him to accept a stranger into the village because they're family!"

"What do you mean he can't, Pinkie?" No, seriously, what's she talking about? "He's the clan head and this is clan business, of course he can!"

"Eh?" Now everyone is looking at me funny. What did I say? Is there something stuck in my teeth?

"The last member of the main branch of the Uzumaki clan after Uzushio's destruction was Uzumaki Kushina." I elaborate when it becomes obvious everyone else is determined to make this awkward. "Who had left the village to learn the sealing arts from Uzumaki Mito here in Konoha when she was a kid and decided to stay and become a full Konoha citizen after that event."

It's not like that's a secret or anything.

"She later died during the Kyuubi attack, and was the only Uzumaki in the village at the time. You were born the same day she died." I continue with a shrug. "Sure, there might be some sort of overly contrived set of circumstances involved, but usually a cigar is just a cigar."

And with that I shut up. I'm done, If they insist on the awkward silence, they can try to outstubborn me and see how that goes.

"Ran-chan?" Karin finally breaks the silence after a long pause. "How long have you known about that?"

"A couple of years? I investigated the Uzumaki clan after Uzumama died." I feel suddenly uncomfortable, it's been a while since I last lied to Karin, but can't exactly say I was born knowing it. "I wasn't sure you'd like me rubbing it in, since what I discovered wasn't very nice, so I've been sitting on it ever since."

"That's decided then!" Naruto announces proudly, breaking the heavy mood with a smile. "I'm taking you to see Jiji as soon as we're done with the exams!!!"

He leaves with Sakura soon after, raving enthusiastically about cousins and family and finally knowing who his mother is and oops maybe I should've kept that part to myself. At least he didn't immediately storm the Hokage's office asking for explanations, which shows a maturity I wasn't expecting from him. That or he's scared of what he might learn. Or he's being considerate towards Karin.

Anyone's guess, really.

Sakura says little, but I can tell she's a bit shaken because she doesn't even rap him on the head when he gets too loud. I guess Naruto being part of an ancestral clan with an illustrious history is causing a bit of cognitive dissonance. Actually, how come a bookworm like her hadn't heard about the Uzumaki Clan before? Was there ever a canonical explanation for that plot hole? Because everything I remember is 'hur hur evul civil council manipulates academy curriculum' from fanon.

I'll have to keep an eye on that, just in case that happens to be a thing after all. But some other time, right now we could really use a bed and... Huh. I was expecting to feel exhausted too just by dealing with the kid, but I'm actually feeling kind of energized.

"Nice cousin you have here." I comment as we start making way towards my our hotel. "You think he drugged us with that overflowing Yang chakra of his? Because I feel like I just had seven coffees."

She just shakes her head and grabs my arm, and you won't see me complaining. Just the smile on her face would've made this dumpster fire of a random encounter worth it, but snuggles are the cherry on top.

We wake up horribly late the following day. I don't know if it was an overdose of Naruto's chakra, Ichiraku's Ramen being spiked, nerves about the approaching exam or just the giddiness of a new place, but it took us far too long to fall asleep. One would think that we'd be out like candles on our first real bed after sleeping in tents in the wilderness for days, but that's how things happened.

So we only have time for a quick shower, a delicious breakfast, the bare minimum warming up routine, a short massage session in the small hotel spa (That's decent enough but doesn't hold a candle to our last one in Hot Springs) and half an hour in the onsen before it's time to escort Karin to her test.

It's probably for the best, I would've wasted my time being a pest fussing over Karin if we had more time to kill.

"Alright, we are here." I announce when we meet the rest of the Kusa teams at the gates of the Academy. "You remember everything I told you?"

"We are shinobi, rules don't matter if we're not caught. We are shinobi, the exams don't have to be fair, be prepared for anything. There are monsters in attendance, spam [Mind's Eye of the Kagura] and stay the heck away from anyone who gives me the chills."

"And…?" She rolls her eyes in exasperation.

"And your personal mix of Bear Mace is in my left breast pocket." She recites obediently. "And yes, I remember you made it highly flammable, in case the capsaicin doesn't work for some reason."

"And…?"

"Trust in myself." She mumbles, suddenly finding the signpost at her side utterly fascinating. "If I don't think I can pass, I won't."

"Good! Now go there and show them what you're made of! See you on the other side!"

It's only five days. Five days of dodging bears who want to eat her and people who want to kill her and spies from at least three different factions and a doped-to-the-gills broody Uchiha with impulse control issues and a bloodthirsty racoon-tanuki monster and ninja Voldemort.

She has this.

Uhup, she'll be fine.

No matter what.

I trust her.

… I'm camping on the Hokage Monument and setting up a telescope there.

… Turns out, the Hokage Monument is off-limits. It's not something jealously enforced and local shinobi ignore that rule all the time, but I'm kind of not local, and I don't want to end up in a detention cell for suspicious behaviour.

So instead I set my tent on top of the cliff, where there's a perfectly natural forest. And I keep my brand new telescope inside it's package because I've suddenly realized how it would look for a foreign shinobi to camp in a vantage point over the village with a telescope.

Yeah, not my brightest moment.

I can still look wistfully towards Training Ground 44. And why 44 and not 421? Missed pun opportunity, if you ask me.

"That's an interesting smell masker you're using, young lady." I don't jump at the kindly grandfatherly voice suddenly sounding at my side with a swear word and throw ten or thirty kunai in that general direction, but it's a very close thing. "I hope you can indulge an old man's curiosity?"

Sarutobi fuckin' Hiruzen, of course. Because his pale-ass scaly student wasn't terrifying enough. Why do I keep getting the attention of all the monsters who can break me in two with their pinky?

… Oh, yeah, because Naruto. He's probably trying to figure out how much I know and subtly threaten me into staying away from him. Why can't life be easy at least once? The only reason this old monster isn't in my top 3 bad news people is because he'll kick the bucket too soon for it to matter.

"Special pills, kind of a clan secret." I invented them, and nobody else knows. So yeah, kind of a clan secret. Even if I'll never have the chance to write the formula down in the Shimada Scroll. "They alter my hormonal balance so my body odour changes. Way more effective than scentless soap, but it leaves me cranky."

"I can imagine. Hormones are a delicate thing in the best of times, especially during puberty." The way he hums into his pipe and nods sagely pisses me off for some reason. I know I'm short, okay? "Now the question is why to use them at all, isn't it? Especially at a vantage point overseeing the Village like this."

The implied suspicion of espionage by the Hokage himself would have made a lesser woman stain her underwear, and not in the kinky way. But not me. I'm soooo way past losing bladder control and firmly into the resigned 'why me?' field.

"No offence to the village, old man, but I don't care that much about it. This is just the best place to try and catch a glimpse of how my sister is doing down there." I point towards the Forest of Death. "The smell masker is something I've been wearing since I left Kusa last week. I don't want anyone from my past to use the exam as an excuse to track me down, you know."

He puffs on his pipe, somehow managing to convey amusement with the gesture. "You don't trust Konoha's security?"

"Any security would be stretched thin in these circumstances, not feeling paranoid would be naíve instead." Come to think of it, how the heck did he manage to sneak up on me with an ignited pipe? Tobacco is not precisely scentless. "Plus, it doesn't take much to shiv the fuck out of someone's liver in the middle of a crowded street."

"Shimada through and through, I see." I think I'm going to blame it on 'Hokage bullshit' and save me a headache. "I have to admit, I'm surprised you aren't participating yourself."

"... Beg your pardon?"

"Good speed, good eyes, good reflexes, a good head on your shoulders and what appears to be a nice repertoire of jutsu. It's not just anyone that manages all five elements at your age, you know?" Yeah, yeah, he wouldn't be praising me so much if he knew what kind of pathetic crap half of my jutsu are. "I can understand Amano-kun wanting to keep you out of the spotlight, but you're obviously ready, and not being allowed to prove it must chafe."

Amano-kun? The fuck is Amano-kun and why would he assume he can order me arou– The Boss Dude? The Boss Dude's name is Amano-kun? I can't help it, I snort, choke on my own spit and break into a fit of both coughing and laughter. He's cool enough to patiently wait for me to be done with it. Way cooler than Amano-kun.

"Oh, I'm already promoted." I wheeze out after a while, wiping a tear from the corner of my eye. "I just came to cheer on Karin. And do a bit of sightseeing, it's not everyday one can take a look at one of the Big Five, after all."

"... Looks like my intel was outdated. I have to admit you got me there, young Shimada." He chuckles in good humour. The Fucking God of Shinobi has intel on me? What the actual fuck!? "In that case, I hope you have a good time in Konoha. I'm quite proud of her."

With that, he disappears in a puff of smoke. The heck was that supposed to be? He just arrived unannounced, gave me a heart attack, caught more of my tricks than I'm comfortable with, praised me for them, poked fun at the Boss Dude's expense, admitted I have a file in their system and extolled the virtues of Konoha before… leaving me alone again.

I'm so confused right now.

1: '42' in Japanese can be read 'shini' which also means 'death'.

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn't at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here's my Patreon. It's not much, but it's mine. Don't feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my work?

Planeshunter · Mar 31, 2021

036 - Ophid Interruption
(or 'at this point any distraction is welcome')

Now, here's where I would like to tell you about all the badass shady antics that took place during the time everyone was busy with the exams but I can't, because I wasted the morning ~~being a useless lesbian~~ fretting about Karin up on the cliff and the evening walking around the village trying to ~~distract myself in vain~~ familiarize myself with the street's layout.

Funnily enough, I've been catching ANBU going around to do their business all the while, which feels freaking weird for someone born and grown in Kusa. Damn but the average ANBU is trash, no wonder Kabuto slaughtered them en masse.

The morning of the second day isn't much different from the first. Once I get back to my room after a long session of ~~trying to stalk Karin~~ hiking around the village again, there's a knock at the door and someone trying to enter my room through the window.

Like the civilized person I am, I throw a kunai towards the window -fuck, right in the knee!- and answer the door. There's a certain purple-haired dango-addicted sex bomb waiting for me. There are bags under her eyes and her skin looks a bit pasty, and I almost offer a glass of water and an aspirin on reflex. Then I remember what's supposed to be happening during the second test and realize that it's not because of a hangover that she's looking like shit.

"Yes?" I ask instead. "May I help you with something?"

"Shimada Ran from Kusa, right?" She asks with a raw voice that speaks of an abused throat. It must suck to have a sadistic snake man hold the controls of the pain trigger tattooed into your neck. "You're coming with me to T&I. If you want to try and resist, be my guest, I need to blow off some steam."

I don't answer immediately. On one hand, fighting the scary snake lady sounds like a bad idea. On the other hand, it's bound to get my head away from my troubles for a while, so there's that.

"Squirt?" She drags my attention back to the present, incredulity painted all over her face. "Are you volunteering?"

"... Nah. I'm on vacation, don't want to sweat." I finally decide with a shrug. "T&I, huh? You can't get in there with a tourist pass. I tried."

Interrogation is also a way to distract myself, and they won't pull the torture tools on a harmless innocent collaborating allied shinobi. I think. Not that trying to resist would've improved my situation any, so whatever.

T&I Headquarters is kind of underwhelming from outside. Just one of those plain and uninteresting grey buildings, with windows so full of dust they may as well be part of the wall, and that run down atmosphere that makes one have trouble remembering, even if they walk past daily. Which is the point, I'd bet.

The interior is a whole different can of worms. Dark rooms, winding corridors and looming walls that seem to lean over you as you walk past. Have you ever been inside a submarine? Space is at a premium down there, and comfort is hardly a priority. The experience is oppressive, claustrophobic and overall disturbing.

This place goes out of it's way to evoke those feelings, and then crank them up to eleven. I'm pretty sure their staff is trained to look menacing too. There are some points of failure though, the very nature of the place makes evacuation difficult and escape even harder, so they're done for if they get trapped inside. Or in case of fire. Or in case they get trapped inside and then set on fire.

Unless they have secret passageways, in which case the place won't be as secure. Catch 22 if I ever saw one.

… Why am I even bothering with how to escape or set the interrogators on fire? This is none of my business.

Stupid Shimada blood.

Of course, nobody reads me my rights -mainly because I have none- nor offers an attorney -what are those? Are they tasty?- Instead I'm unceremoniously shoved into an interviewing room that seems taken straight from a crime thriller. It has everything, the square desk, the creaking door, the plain metal chairs, the one-way mirror, the naked lightbulb… you name it. I don't think I'll ever get used to how all over the place the technology level is in the Elemental Nations.

There's also the sexy but hard-ass interrogator, though she still looks hungover and that detracts from the picture.

"Let's go straight to business." She opens up, slamming a palm on the table. She's not even pulled out a kunai, I get the PG-12 interrogation, apparently. Good to know. "What can you tell us about a fellow Kusa-nin going by the name Shiroe?"

"Sorry, it doesn't ring any bells." I shrug. Names, why did it have to be names? I think this is about Team Deader Meat, but I'm not actually sure. Wouldn't want to mess up by assuming. "Do you have a picture or something?"

She grumbles a little, but pulls out a picture of a bunch of faceless bodies from inside her jacket. As expected, it's the leader of Team Deader Meat.

"Oh, that's Whatshisface!" I nod in relief. "He was my team leader for a short while. I guess he's Whereshisface now."

...Wait, if they were attacked within the walls of Konoha, doesn't that mean it was the real Whereshisface that I met at the gates the other day? Or maybe Orochimaru dragged their corpses inside in some sort of messed-up psychological warfare?

That actually makes sense, I nod to myself, patting my head at having dissected the evil plans concocted by his twisted mind. It would've been embarrasing if I had somehow misread the situation back then.

"What can you tell me about them?" I don't start at the impatient voice, but it's a near thing. To be fair, I kind of zoned out in the middle of an interrogation, that was terribly rude of me.

"They're kinda rude, but less lazy than my first team. And that's pretty much it." I shrug again. "We were only matched for a couple of months."

"Let me make sure I'm getting this straight." She enunciates slowly, "You trained, fought and bled together with these guys for months. And all you can say about them is that they're 'rude' and 'less lazy than someone else'? Not even their fucking names?"

"Yes?" I shrug. "Why?"

"Nevermind."

She sighs. dragging a palm from her forehead all the way down her face. Migraines? Maybe she's actually hungover, after all. I mean, I would want to drown my sorrows in alcohol too after my traitorous master kicked my ass three ways from Sunday and then laughed in the face of my suicide technique. Heck, I doubt anyone would blame her for it, that shit has to be traumatic or something.

"We've already determined you last met them right before the exam." She continues after taking a couple of deep breaths. "Did you notice them acting strange in any way?"

"Sister, the only thing I noticed about them right before the exam was that they were not Karin. Not that I knew them well enough to tell if they were acting strange. Them or anyone, really. As far as I'm concerned it's normal for people to act strange."

Where's… where's that grinding sound coming from? Under the table? Are there cockroaches on the underside of the table? Kikaichu maybe? I want to bend down to check, but that could be taken as a disrespect, and the poor woman has enough problems already. I'm not entomophobic anyway, it's just curiosity.

If I feel anything touch me or my chakra getting drained, I'm drowning the fucking room in chlorine.

"You're not involved in the Exam, so why are you in Konoha?"

"I'm in Konoha on vacation, since it was a good chance to take it easy while cheering on my fellow Kusa-nin." And Karin is taking the Exam, of course I'm involved. "Gosh I can't wait for the finals they promise to be epic."

"Did you just deadpan 'gosh' to me...? Pipsqueak, I don't think you're taking this interrogation seriously enough." My eye doesn't twitch at the moniker, so her face doesn't deform into an ugly shit-eating grin at my reaction. Because I didn't react. "You know I have the authority to throw you into the torture chamber if I find you suspicious, no matter how tiny you are, don't you?"

So that's how you want to play, eh?

"Yeah, you are plenty intimidating. That pasty skin and the bags under your eyes are downright scary. Excuse me if I'm not looking very shaken, I think I'm still in shock about three Kusa-nin being assassinated and then impersonated by a Konoha renegade and another two unknowns. A renegade you guys don't seem capable of catching or even inconveniencing in any meaningful way. Or at all."

"How did you even know about..."

"Seriously? You are aware Kusa is specialized in intelligence gathering, right?" That and I have metaknowledge, but that's a bit harder to explain. "There aren't that many people who know how to even use the [Vanishing Facial Copy Technique] nowadays, and only one of them would've left the otherwise badass and vaguely terrifying Mitarashi Anko, infamous apprentice of Orochimaru, shaken as if she'd seen a ghost from the past. Was it even supposed to be a secret?"

For a moment, it looks like she's going to retort, frowning at my rant and leaning forwards as if to rebuke me, but at the last second she stops herself with a long-drawn sigh.

"You know what? I don't care anymore." She faceplants into the table instead, raising a hand to make some sort of sign without even looking up. "You're clear. Or something. Why don't you kindly piss the fuck off? "

"Oh, the interview is over already?" I stand up, hearing the door open up behind me . "Good, you should be out there trying to catch the bastard, not wasting the time of paying customers."

"If I find you're even slightly involved in anything funny, I'll make you confess even the last time you wet your bed."

I leave without looking back.

… Bitch.

After that more than infuriating conversation with Konoha's security, I leave the T&I building fuming. I'm pretty sure I'm not being followed, which is pretty scary since I know I have to be being tailed. Stupid stealthy ninjas, you never know where they are…

I catch myself walking towards Training Ground 44, and convincing myself that there's nothing I can do to interfere is a real struggle. After Orochimaru's infiltration, the security has been kicked up three or seven notches, so the only way I'm getting there is by blasting my way in, and that's not really an option.

Unless I… No, there's no way they'd fall for it.

The most infuriating part is knowing that, in spite of all the added security specifically against him, Orochimaru will be strutting around during the preliminary matches with a different face. How's this fair?

The rest of those five days is kind of a blur. A long, unending blur of me restlessly walking all around the village only to suddenly change my mind and getting into any open training field I could find to vent out my frustrations. Then, just as suddenly, I'd start feeling lonely and miserable and barely manage to drag myself to the hotel's spa, where I would waste hours letting myself be pampered into oblivion. I think I left more money there than they make on an average month by myself.

At this rate, I won't be swimming in money much longer. To say I didn't enjoy those five days, is an understatement.

Finally, in the evening of the fifth day. Karin steps out of the restricted area. I really should've called for her or at least checked her body language before doing anything dumb, but I pounce on her like a tiger on a stalked prey instead. In hindsight, that might not have been the best thing to do to a nerve-wracked killer recently out of a deadly survival exercise.

With a surprised squeak, Karin turns towards me, eyes widening in something I'm pretty sure is not recognition as her hand goes to her kunai pouch. A shadow from my left is the only warning I receive before an axe-kick shatters the concrete at the position where I would've been if I didn't dodge.

At this point, I really should be aborting my charge, but I'm already committed, and Karin is right in front of me, so I dodge and weave through far too many eye-searing orange limbs to belong to a single person and emerge right in front of a kunai firmly held with two hands aiming straight at my left eye.

Next thing anyone knows, I'm hugging Karin from behind, rubbing cheeks with her and ignoring the dumbfounded looks of a Sakura with a leg buried in the ground, a gaggle of Narutos tangled with each other on the floor and the embarrassed groan from Karin.

"Ran?" She whines adorably, putting her kunai back into her pouch.

"Hmm?" Ah… pure bliss.

"Are you… purring?" And she smells so good~

"I can neither confirm nor deny such claims." And her hair is so soft~

"Can you unhand me at least?" And she asks such stupid questions~

"Mmmm… Sure." I could spend the whole day like this~

"Ran?" And her voice is so nice~

"Hmm?" And her reddening ears are so adorable~

"You aren't unhanding me." And her embarrassed voice is so cute~

"No, but I totally can." And her body is so huggable~

"Ran!" … And she's getting angry.

"Fiiiiiine!" I guess it must've been a pretty embarrassing thing to go through in front of your friends. I magnanimously unwrap myself from her, taking one of her hands into mine instead. "But we're going somewhere warm and cuddly and you're telling me when you became so close to these two and everything else I missed. Stupid big-ass trees didn't let me see anything..."

"Ran?"

"I'm not glomping you anymore!" I protest while entwining my fingers with hers. "You won't get me to make more concessions!"

"No, not that." Her cheeks heats up when she realizes what I mean, but she doesn't try to get away. "Please tell me you didn't spend all this time somewhere high trying to spy into the forest."

"Uh… I didn't spend all this time like that?"

"Ran!"

"Ehehehe~"

"They are in their own world, aren't they?" A disembodied orange-colored voice comes from somewhere.

"I'm kind of jealous." A disembodied pink-colored voice answers

There's no room in my world for anything beyond Karin at this moment.

You were expecting Orochimaru, but it was her, Anko!
Anyway, next will be a Karin PoV recounting the first stages of the exam.

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn't at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here's my Patreon. It's not much, but it's mine. Don't feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my work?

Planeshunter · Apr 4, 2021

037 - Karin Interlude: Ran was right all along

Walking into Konoha's Academy building, Karin was ashamed to admit she's feeling somewhat jittery. In her head, she knows she's ready for this test, but this is still her first time taking the exams, the first time visiting a foreign village, the first time around so many potentially hostile shinobi. Confidence is a work in progress.

The huge building making Kusa's Academy look like a sad joke isn't helping her feelings of adequacy, either.

Still, appearances must be maintained, so she puffs up her nonexistent chest, channels her inner Shimada-mama and power walks through the corridors and into the meeting room. She doesn't really have any idea where that room is supposed to be and gaping around like a country bumpkin would ruin the immersion in the role, but the place's architecture is straightforward and she's a fecking sensor. It's just a matter of looking like she knows what she's doing and following the biggest concentration of signatures.

There's the monster Ran warned her about, blood-soaked and still bloodthirsty, all jagged edges and sharp thorns. A redheaded boy from Suna, who doesn't look like much otherwise. Karin frowns a bit when she can't find any other 'monstrous' presence around. It doesn't sound like Ran to make a mistake on this sort of thing, and 'monsters' implies more than one. Unless she means whatever it is that comes out of Naruto-san and is making its way towards the building at the time.

… She'll keep an eye on her cousin, just in case, but doesn't think that's what Ran meant.

The first stage of the test comes and goes, and Karin can honestly say she's a bit disappointed about the whole thing. There's a lot of posturing both from the hopefuls and from the staff, a lot of clues given that nobody would miss unless they somehow forgot this is a shinobi test, some very basic attempts at artificially raising the stakes and the security of the test proper leaked like a sieve… All for a written test that wasn't actually all that difficult in the first place

When the second examiner erupts into the room it's a welcome relief. It's one thing to bluff them with a tenth question that doesn't actually exist, but why the heck would that invalidate the written parts? Making them go through it only to handwave it later on is a waste of an opportunity and nothing else.

They're shinobi for Kami's sake! Passing someone who couldn't answer the questions just because you said you would is nothing more than weak, uninspired reasoning. She's pretty sure Shimada-mama would've given them a piece of her mind and the whole thing is giving her migraines.

At least that nonsense allowed Naruto-san to pass the exam, so there's that.

While they were gathering for the second test, Shigeri-san clasped her shoulder and reluctantly thanked her for 'catching the genjutsu trap at the fake door and saving them from making a fool out of themselves' before walking past her.

What? There was a genjutsu trap somewhere? Is this how Ran feels when she misses something?

It was a bit of a bizarre feeling, but she shook it quick enough when the new examiner decided to make an example out of Naruto-san. As the suddenly not so welcome woman turns her attention towards Shiore-san, Karin's eyes narrow. She might not be capable of gouging an eye out of the woman like Ran would've done, but she can easily figure out where she lives. And furniture can't dodge explosive tags.

The second part of the exam starts soon afterwards, and they have a clear if not very inspired action plan. They'll rush towards the goal as fast as possible, doing their best to dodge other groups in favor of reaching the vantage ambush point around the center of the grounds as fresh as possible.

If required, they'll even give up their own Earth Scroll to avoid combat. Once in position, they'll simply pick off the weakest or more exhausted teams until they find the required Heaven Scroll or, if they had to give up their own first, the full set. Simple, effective, and yet just contrived enough to be above more hot-headed teams. Just the way Kusa ~~is supposed to do things~~ likes to do things.

Any pretense of normality goes down the gutter pretty much as soon as they are given the go ahead, though. An oppressive feeling even worse than the bloodsoaked boy erupts from the Eastern area, where she'd been keeping track of the other Kusa team.

"Something wrong, Uzumaki?" Shigeri calls for her when she stops her march, annoyance clear in his voice.

"I think so?" Theoretically, this might be some plot she doesn't have the clearance to know about, so best to ask, just to be safe. "Was Shiroe-san secretly an S-rank shinobi infiltrating the exam to give us a leg-up?"

"Are you high?"

"Then he's been replaced by someone with Kage-level chakra reserves." Who feels really unpleasant to her senses. And is closing in to Naruto-san's team really fast. But she doubts that'll mean anything to her teammates. "We might be better off avoiding him or his team altogether."

"Well… shit." Kannagi-san swears, as both of Karin's teammates regroup on the same branch she's standing on. "Can we still pull it off? Risking your life is one thing, commiting suicide by Kage is another."

"Depends. How good are your senses, Uzumaki?" Well gee, this is the first time in months they take an interest in her [Mind's Eye of the Kagura] beyond acknowledging its existence and promptly ignoring it. "Can you tell what's going on?"

"He's closing in on another team of examinees." Hell if she was going to tell them this was her new cousin's team. "But that's about— No, wait, he's spending chakra like crazy. I think he's engaging them."

"Engaging?" Shigeri-san asks with an arched brow. "Did the other team even survive first contact?"

"One of them was blown away, we're talking about half a mile, but seems to have survived more or less safely." Karin answers, before continuing narrating real-time. "The other two are fighting him. Looks like he's toying with them."

"Great. Who the heck is this guy?" Kannagi-san whines. "How many S-class would even bother infiltrating an exam to bully a group of Chunin hopefuls in the first place, anyway?"

"Grab your bingo book and take a pick." Shigeri-san shrugs with a frustrated sigh. "Who knows what goes through the minds of those psychos? They're all crazy, Kages included."

"Then… what are we going to do now?"

"That's the question, isn't it? We turn around and get closer to the exit." He points the way they arrived before nodding at Karin. "Uzumaki, give us a warning if it looks like he's going after us and we run the hell away. Better to fail the exam than to die for nothing."

"What about the plan?" Kannagi-san protests. "If we lose too much time here..."

"The plan is busted, but we don't really need it anyway. Uzumaki here turned out to be more than a med-nin." Karin puffs up a bit with pride. It's not like she cares about this team's opinion, but a bit of recognition is always welcome. "Maybe enough to not be a dead weight after all."

She takes back anything nice she thought about Shigeri-san so far, he's still the same jerk she's got to know these last months.

The team retreats back to the fence of the area, and spends a very tense while as Karin narrates what she can tell about the situation. To make things even worse, she also picks up on the Suna kid eradicating a whole team in a matter of seconds during the same timeframe, which doesn't really help settle minds.

"The exam proctor has engaged the monster."

"Which monster?"

"The first one."

"Kami, this is bizarre."

"They're fighting… No, it's done already." Maybe ten seconds of combat, that's how long the proctor had lasted against the monster. And Karin gets the feeling it wasn't taking things seriously. "The proctor was rendered immobile, and the monster is leaving the field in a straight line. It's either using [Hide Like a Mole] or running right through the trees."

"Either or, really." Shigeri-san mutters sarcastically. "Is it coming anywhere closer to us?"

"No, it's leaving eastwards, it'll be out of grounds in a matter of minutes." There's another tense pause, where everyone seems to hold their breath as Karin tracks the monster on it's way out. "Alright, it's finally out and... Immediately [Shunshined] away, it left my range."

Her team breathes in relief, while Karin bites her lip worriedly. She hasn't told them much about the state Naruto-san's team is in. The confrontation happened far enough away they considered it not worth taking the detour, but that would change in a heartbeat if they knew exactly how bad off they are.

Only Haruno-san remains conscious at all, and the other two look worse for wear. Naruto-san's chakra comes out erratically, spiking and spasming in a way she's never seen before and doesn't herald anything good. But it's the third one, the one she's never personally met and has only briefly seen here and there during the exam that worries her the most.

His body oozes something dark and foul, that she can't look too closely at without her stomach churning and having to hold back the urge to retch. His chakra is slowly but steadily weakening, and she doesn't think he'll survive another twenty-four hours if things keep going like that.

A chunin exam is not a good place to be with two members down. Forget other teams these grounds are dangerous enough without adding a human factor.

When they camp for the night, Karin's team is much closer to Naruto-san's, not that her two teammates have any idea about it. It has been a nerve-wracking day, guiding her team through the Forest of Death in such a way they'd wander closer to them without putting themselves at risk from the other teams.

Of course that means they haven't found any other team either, but she can't risk them actually pulling off an ambush and getting the Heaven Scroll so soon. Shigeri-san would insist on making a beeline towards the tower. As sound as that strategy would be if the only goal was to pass the exams, Karin is hoping to help out her new cousin.

Finding family only to immediately lose it again is an idea that has her in a cold sweat.

Of course, she gets the middle turn to stay awake and keep watch, because of course she would. Shigeri and Kannagi are the big strong useful combatants who actually have a chance of being promoted, and she's just the barely useful fill-in medic who happens to be convenient in some other way.

So the worst turn goes for her.

Taking a deep breath, Karin makes sure her team is actually asleep, and casts around with [Mind's Eye of the Kagura] one last time. No team anywhere remotely close, except Naruto-san's. There's a team she doesn't recognise making a beeline towards them, but they're far away and, unless they can increase their travel speed somehow, won't arrive until the morning.

This is her chance. It only takes a quick series of hand seals for the [Transparent Escape Technique] to meld her frame into the background.

With a last apologetic -but not too apologetic, because seriously, they're jerks of the highest order- thought towards her teammates, Karin takes into the night, leaving them as defenceless as two chunin aspirants asleep in a refuge trapped to the roof can be.

She takes into the night like a shadow escaping from yomi, jumping from branch to branch with a speed and stealth taught to her by Shimada-mama and drilled into her body by repetition after repetition after repetition after repetition. It's been a while since she's had the chance to practice, but some experiences are never forgotten.

No matter how hard you try.

Ironically, the chakra-infused fauna of the Forest of Death has an even harder time ambushing her than normal animals, their empowered bodies shining like bonfires to her [Mind's Eye of the Kagura] and thus she doesn't have to even break step to dodge the few predators that decide to take their chances with her.

With a last check to make sure nobody is approaching her sleeping team under the cover of the night, she descends onto the ground.

She's still some distance away from Naruto-san's team signatures. There are some traps she's spotted, and giving someone the chance to guide you through instead of risking triggering something is just good manners. Plus, everything she's seeing is pretty basic, there's a good chance they are just a distraction to keep one's attention away from the real traps.

That's how Ran and Shimada-mama do things, after all. Even if she usually can catch at least some of Ran's actual traps, and she has a hard time believing Haruno-san can outtrap her. There's just no point in risking it.

"Haruno-san?" She calls into the night, her voice causing a figure to start in surprise in front of her. Poor form, revealing her position like that. "It's me, Karin."

"Uzumaki-Shimada-san?" Haruno-san's faintly trembling voice calls back after a short while. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm a sensor." She explains, trying not to make any move that can even remotely be construed as threatening. This girl is tenser than a bowstring. "I noticed your fight earlier today and how your team came out worse for wear and thought I could help? I'm a bit of a medic-nin."

"Oh, thank the kami! Naruto isn't waking up and Sasuke-kun's fever keeps getting worse. I didn't know what I was going to–" Her relieved tone cuts suddenly, and when her voice sounds again it's dripping with suspicion. "No, wait! How do I know it's really you? How do I know you want to help even if it's really you? You are a competitor in this exam, you might take the chance to take out the competition!"

It's frustrating to be doubted in this situation. Whatever she tells herself to quiet her conscience, she's left her team asleep and unguarded and should get back as soon as possible, so this delay isn't something she can afford. She has to admit Haruno-san's reluctance is warranted, though.

She's trying to think out how to solve the situation when she hears her last sentence and almost collapses in a fit of giggles.

"Oh, Haruno-san. You must not know much about either the Uzumaki nor the Shimada if you think I'm going to backstab family." She wipes a tear from the corner of her eye, too amused by the idea to really feel insulted. "Still, there isn't much I can do to prove my good intentions, is there? What do you want me to do?"

"I… Don't know." The girl hesitates. "We had a passphrase for our team, but we never discussed anything about approaching other teams."

"Maybe I can tell you something from our meeting? Something nobody else would know?"

"That would prove your identity, yes." Not really, a real infiltrator might've listened to that conversation too, but she's not going to tell her that until she's done healing her team. "The problem is that I still can't trust your intentions. As you said, I know nothing about either the Uzumaki nor the Shimada."

"Back to square one, then. If I could at least show you that I'm not a danger…" There is nothing that she can present as guarantee. In fact, there's nothing that can guarantee your safety against a sufficiently motivated shinobi. But maybe she can offer a compromise. Taking a deep breath to steel her resolve, Karin makes her choice. "Are the boys unconscious?"

"Yes?"

"Blindfold them."

"Sorry?"

"So you can see I'm carrying no weapons, or poisons or anything else..." Karin swallows with difficulty, scanning feverishly with her [Mind's Eye of the Kagura] once again to make absolutely sure there's nobody else around. "I'll strip. But you have to blindfold them!"

"You what!?"

"Not so loud!" Dear kami, she's not going to ever live this one down is she? "If I take off my gear and clothes here, so you know I'm not carrying anything dangerous, will you let me examine your team?"

Stripping in front of a near stranger, even if she's another girl, is maybe the most embarrassing thing Karin has done in her life. But she grits her teeth and forces herself through it, slowly undoing clasps and removing clothes in spite of her burning cheeks. For family.

She's already hooking her thumbs around the band of her panties, taking a deep breath to remove that last piece, when Sakura interrupts her with a flustered squeak.

"Stop, stop!" She cries out. "You have convinced me! Put your clothes back on, I'll guide you through the traps!"

It's with great haste and even greater relief that Karin puts her clothes back on. Things are rather straightforward from there. Haruno-san proves incapable of looking her in the eye, apparently even more mortified than Karin herself by the situation, barely uttering a word as she leaves her safe spot to walk her through the trapped field.

Poor form, that. Shimada-mama would've verbally guided her from safety instead of needlessly exposing herself.

It's a relief when she finally gets to the two unconscious boys. Naruto-san doesn't look physically hurt, and up close it's clear that the strange chakra spikes and spasms don't actually come from him, but from whatever that other thing is. Still worrying, but less so.

The other boy (Sasuke-kun?) on the other hand, looks even worse up close. There's something malignant nestled in his neck, that's slowly pervading his chakra system. The process isn't actually malicious as far as she can tell, but it's very stressful for his body. She's never seen anything like it and honestly hopes to never see it again. Whether he'll survive the process by himself is honestly up in the air, and she can't help directly. What she can do though, is bolster his body and chakra reserves, so he has a better fighting chance.

Usually, having someone unconscious bite her takes some work, but the two boys are going through a restless sleep, and their teeth clench by reflex, activating her [Heal Bite].

"Wait, you showed them your [Heal Bite]?" I cut into her story in righteous indignation. Or at least slightly betrayed shock. "What the frick, Karin? You promised!"

"Naruto-san is family!" She defends herself, staring at me with those round, soulful eyes of hers. "I wasn't going to let him die!"

I take a glance at Naruto and Sakura at the other side of the table, Naruto looks confused and sheepish, and I guess he's not the sort of person to realize why it's a bad idea to publicize that sort of special ability. Sakura on the other hand is palming a kunai under the table of all things. How rude, I don't think she's actually paying attention to the story.

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly, forcing myself to think with the brain that actually has neurons. He wasn't going to die anyway, but Karin had no way of knowing, and I can get behind the 'family' reasoning. Fair is fair so I reluctantly let the matter drop.

But I'm not going to help him with the [Five Elements Seal], he can damn well wait until Jiraiya does it for him.

The healing was… underwhelming. Naruto-san woke up briefly and managed to mutter some more or less intelligible words, but sleep claimed him back immediately after. The other boy didn't even manage that. He stopped shivering, so Karin would take that as a win.

"That's everything I can do for them." Karin whispers while bandaging her own wound bites. "I'll try to guide my team away from here, but I can make no promises, Shigeri-san barely tolerates my presence half the time, I won't be able to change his mind if he decides on a course of action."

"No… you have done enough, Uzumaki-Shimada-san" Karin still has to fight down a dopey smile each and every time she hears that name. "Will you be alright?"

"I should be." She nods, taking another peek into the distance. "Nobody has approached my team so far and I can get back to them before my shift is over, so they won't even realize I'm gone."

"I see." Sakura-san seems unsure of how to continue, but that's fair. It's not everyday that a shinobi from another village offers you assistance in the middle of a competitive survival test, after all. "Ummm… Thank you for everything and… Good luck in the exam?"

"Likewise, Haruno-san." Karin pauses right as she's leaving, remembering the other team coming here. "A last word of advice, there's a team coming this way. At the rate they're moving and assuming they don't change their route, they'll stumble into your encampment at around dawn. Make sure you're either ready for them or out of the way by then."

With that last warning, Karin departs. She would've loved to stay with Naruto-san's team and lend a hand during the exam, but she has her own trials to overcome, and her own team to see succeed.

Things have gone well for team Shigeri ever since. With Karin's sensor abilities, ambushing a wounded team was a trivial matter. As luck would have it, their victims had managed to hold onto their own Heaven Scroll in spite of the wounds sustained, so that was perfect too.

They were easy pickings for Shigeri and Kannagi, who were admittedly experienced shinobi competent enough to have a solid chance in this exam anyway, so beating up a bunch of handicapped hopefuls wasn't exactly a challenge. That put their team at the top of the race, gathering their scrolls in less than half their allotted time.

It also made them prime targets, so they understandably decided to head straight towards the goal right after. They're something about two-third of the way there, crossing through a wide clearing, when Karin suddenly stops in her tracks for the second time this exam. This time, Shigeri-san and Kannagi-san immediately take their position around her without complaint.

"What's wrong, Uzumaki?"

"The path is blocked. Not enemy shinobi, some sort of beast." Karin chews her lip, focusing her [Mind's Eye of the Kagura] to get as good an image as possible. The feedback she gets sends a shiver down her spine. "Four legged mammals. Judging by their shape, most likely bears."

"So? We are on a timer here. Let's just cut through." He replies impatiently. "They're only animals."

"Animals in this place are extremely dangerous." Karin protests hesitantly, already knowing her opinion on the matter would be dismissed. She has to try, though. Ran's strange fixation with bears got even worse upon reaching Konoha, and she has a feeling this place has something to do with it. "Maybe it would be best to..."

"Best to nothing. We've handled giant leeches and even bigger centipedes without trouble." Shigeri-san dismisses her worries with a handwave. "Unless those bears are building-sized, we're not going to take a detour just to avoid them."

"No, they are… only slightly bigger than average."

"Then we keep going."

"Think chakra-reinforced bears taste anything like regular ones?" Kannagi-san wonders out loud. "I haven't had bear meat in forever."

The two of them charge straight ahead and Karin follows them with a sigh, reminding herself once again that she can't pass this exam by herself. Still, the idea of poisoning them in their sleep and dragging their unconscious bodies through the gates of the tower is starting to look more and more appealing by the minute.

As she expected, it was bears. They rose from the ground, nine foot tall beasts somehow managing to hide in the tall grass of the clearing. As she feared, they are bullshit. Fast enough to block their path, tough enough to shrug off their shuriken, and strong enough to send Shigeri-san flying all the way out of the clearing with a single swipe.

At that, Kannagi-san hesitates, standing in guard with his weapon in hand, but warily alternating nervous looks between the slowly encroaching bears, Karin herself and the point where Shigeri-san disappeared. That hesitation ends soon though.

"Run you idiot!" Shigeri-san's voice comes from beyond the treeline. "Ditch the bitch!"

At those words, all hesitation leaves him. Without giving Karin time to react to the words, Kannagi turns around to flee, shoulder-checking her hard enough to send her sprawling to the ground in the process.

As Karin watches her 'team' disappear between the trees and the bears focus on her, she can only think that the maneuver was too well-executed to be a heat of the moment thing. They had to have this eventuality planned from the start.

Those… Saddle-gooses! They had acknowledged her skills! She thought she was getting to them, even if they still behaved like coxcombs most of the time! She should've let Ran hang them by their… parts! Then they wouldn't dare do something like this! Now she's surrounded by super-bears, sacrificed so the rest of her team can escape. It brings to mind a morbidly fitting saying she heard from Ran once.

"You don't need to be faster than the bear, just faster than the other guy running from it." She laughs bitterly into the dirt. "Isn't that right, Ran?"

It was only then, alone against the danger, that Karin finally realized the truth. Ran was right all along.

"Bears, I knew it!" I cheer in vindication, before realizing what exactly I'm cheering about, and sheepishly sitting back on my chair. "What happened next?"

"What do you think? I drowned them in bear mace." Karin smiles nastily. "And then I set it all on fire. You never told me it could explode if ignited while suspended in the air."

"Well, yeah, dust explosion. That's obvious. I mean, oops. I hope you didn't get caught in the blast."

"Oh, no I was hoping it would. I did pick the basic concept from your hobbies, at least. I just wasn't sure it would work. The fight would've been less nerve-wracking if I had known beforehand my plan would work."

"That's my Karin."

She then proceeds to tell me about the rest of their test after that, but it wasn't all that interesting. Without a team to call her own anymore, she rejoined Team Seven. Apparently Sasuke tried to give her some grief, but for once Sakura backed Naruto in an argument and she was accepted amongst them. Nothing else of note really happened, except that Kabuto never joined them.

Whether it was because the team was almost guaranteed to pass and Orochimaru didn't feel the need for a backup or because it would've looked suspicious if a second shinobi separated from his team joined them, I suspect I'll never know, but it's not really all that important.

I was too busy feeling vindicated to pay close attention. That and trying to figure out how to show Broody McBroodypants my displeasure about his deplorable behavior. How does he dare bully my Karin?

At some point while Karin is explaining the preliminary rounds in the tower though, my brain re-engages higher functions on its own initiative and points out a certain obvious detail I had managed to miss.

"Wait, you didn't pass the test?"

"Shigeri and Kannagi managed to get themselves killed at some point. I'm pretty sure they stumbled into a nest of jumping leeches. And they had the scrolls, so…" She doesn't sound terribly sorry about it, in fact seems to be struggling not to smile. "It doesn't matter, my promotion always was a long shot. And Shimada-mama cleared things up with the Boss Dude so I'd stay here until the end of the Exams, anyway."

How can one react to such good news, except by wrapping a hand around her waist and pulling her closer? I have a month-long vacation with Karin! And then we dine in hell, but that's a problem for Future Ra–

...

Crap.

This one has given me some trouble. Trying to compress the whole first+second test into a single chapter, even reducing it to the highlights, was a bit of a challenge. I could've written three or four chapters with this alone, easy. But I didn't want to dwell for too long, the Chunin Exams have been done ad nauseam and I'm sure most regulars to Naruto fanfictions are as sick of them as me.
On the other hand I've had some trouble slipping into Karin's mind for this PoV. She's no longer the scared little girl from her first interlude, having been raised by Mother alongside Ran for years, and I wanted to reflect that without turning her into a copy of Ran. Not sure how well that went, to be honest.

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn't at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here's my Patreon. It's not much, but it's mine. Don't feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my works?

Planeshunter · Apr 8, 2021

038 - Encroaching Terror
(or 'Thirty shades of hype')

So, turns out Karin bonded with her cousin during the exam. Far from the worst possible outcome, to be sure, even if I was kind of screwed by it. Interacting with the blonde ball of cheer during this next month is a big NO in my books, and I have no idea what I'll do about it.

… Well, okay, I have a couple of ideas. And not even half of them involve breaking anyone's legs, but it's still an awkward position to be in.

In spite of my internal screaming, the day ends on a high note with Sakura dragging Naruto away to visit Shadow the Edgehog, who is at the hospital because of all that [Cursed Seal of Heaven] thing. After the scare in the Forest of Death, neither of them are particularly worried now that 'Kakashi-sensei has it covered'.

I wonder how they'll react if they learnt their precious sensei only gave The Toxic Avenger an on-off switch for his 'power in return for sanity' deal with the devil. How the lazy layabout managed to garner so much trust from those who know him so intimately, I'll never know.

Anyway, Karin is feeling particularly clingy after the adrenaline-filled week, thus the high note I mentioned. It's mighty hard to stress yourself about looming doom, dodging Childrens of Prophecy™ and whatnot in these circumstances.

All too soon, the first of the last days of my life arrive. I take a moment to watch the sun rise in the horizon and contemplate on everything that's led to this moment. Then Karin grabs my wrist and drags me out of the room.

"Come on, Ran." She states as she pulls me along the corridors of the hotel towards the onsen. "It's been way too long since I last took a warm bath, and I need someone to wash my back."

Maybe I should leave brooding to the experts and dedicate my efforts to more meaningful aspirations. Like pampering my Karin.

I hate perverts. I super hate super perverts. And there's a special place in hell where Jiraiya will go after Pein kills him. That is, if I don't manage to poison him first. Better yet, string him by the balls with ninja wire. Then set it on fire. Then dig out those marvellous compounds that liquefy your entrails and force you to shit half your body mass in the form of slightly chunky salsa.

And then save his life so I can give it another try.

I never was a fan of him, in either of my lives, but I never suspected I'd join the ranks of indignant women who truly hate his guts. Maybe I'm a woman now, but I consider myself pretty laid back about my modesty and body image. I'm a dull person with a dull appearance and I know it, there's nothing to do about it and anyone desperate enough to ogle at me certainly deserves some pity.

Catching him spying on me during my morning bath would've earned him a look of exasperated sympathy, and maybe make me move a bit so nothing truly awkward ends up in display. And that would pretty much be it.

Problem is, I'm not alone this morning.

Only the pressing need to avoid making waves for the next month keeps me from pulling out the mustard gas and making him -and about a square mile past him- sorely regret hiding downwind. Great for avoiding smell-based detection, not so great when faced by a pissed off chemist.

Well, that and the fact he just gave me the perfect excuse to avoid Naruto for the remainder of the month. That earns him a wooden bucket right between the legs and a soap bar down his throat when he opens his ugly mug to scream in pain, never let it be said I'm not a thankful person.

"I'm suddenly not in the mood for bathing." I declare primly, stepping out of the water while Jiraiya is busy rolling on the floor in pain and foaming from the mouth. Mighty polite of him to at least take the hits after he got caught. "Let's go find your friends?"

"Naruto-san had plans to start training for the last test." Karin answers, alternating confused looks between the perverted toad and me before sighing in resignation, making sure her towel covers as much as possible and hurrying to the changing room behind me. "And I doubt Haruno-san will step out of Uchiha-san's room in the hospital without putting up a fight. Maybe we can take a walk around the markets?"

"Sounds good to me." Karin never had a chance to see the city, right? We were planning on some sightseeing that first day, but then we met Naruto and that plan kind of went down the drain. "Not going to help your cousin train?"

"Maybe later, if he asks." She shakes her head with a fond smile, already changing into her clothes. For some reason I'm feeling a bit irritated all of a sudden. "For now I just want to forget about the last five days."

Maybe I should hint at how Naruto will never ask by his own initiative? Yeah, I probably should. Years and years of being shot down every time he tries can do that to a kid's disposition. "Come on, they couldn't have been worse than summer camp with Mother."

Karin's hands, already buttoning up her shirt, freeze for a moment and she shivers in place. "That's exactly the fact I want to forget."

The morning ends up being quite entertaining. Walking around shops and merchant stalls is much less dull when there's someone around who is actually interested in their products.

Those first days after the Forest of Death were the closest thing to utter bliss I've experienced in this life. I woke up with Karin in my arms, resisted the ingrained urge to get up without waking her, cuddled for as long as it took her to admit she wasn't actually asleep either and got up together. Had some light training to get the blood pumping until the sun properly rose into the sky, then had breakfast and wasted as much time as we could possibly justify to ourselves in the onsen washing each other's backs.

Finally got out of the hotel, realizing once again as I stepped into the streets that this isn't Kusa and I didn't have to go find a mission to keep myself useful for the day, so we'd find a park or a forest instead to spend the morning. Along the way, I'd grumble mightily because foreign shinobi aren't allowed to travel the rooftops, and have Karin laugh at my antics.

Around noon we'd find somewhere new to eat, and let me tell you Konoha has some mighty fine food establishments. It's not just Ichiraku's, not even just the various and rightfully renowned Akimichi-owned restaurants. Pretty much everywhere else has to step up to at least vaguely similar levels to avoid bankruptcy, so yeah, this is surely the Great Village with the best food quality. I won't say the best food in the Elemental Nations because some of the minor kingdoms have great reputations in the field, but I'm sure it's up there with them.

After that… Well, Konoha was our oyster. I finally had the chance to watch one of the famous Princess Gale movies. Yuki sure is a great actress, and the staging was superb, though I have to say the plot was kind of bland. We also found a bowling alley! I mean, out of all the random knick knacks that could've ended up here…

The third day, I even managed to drag Karin into a beauty salon. Karin has never been actually sloppy about her appearance. I mean, she's grown up with Mother, so that's impossible (Even I know how to avoid looking like a slob on top of my dullness!) But she's never really given much thought to seduction missions and the like.

Which is something I can get behind, my Karin isn't going to honeytrap anyone while I breathe. Still, seeing her all dolled-up for once really made my day. She was so bashful about it she couldn't even look me in the eye without growing cherry red and looking away. It truly made it worth enduring my own treatment!

Unfortunately, the good days don't last. After three days in heaven, Karin finally declares herself 'well rested' and goes to find Naruto. I don't pout. Indeed, as the good ~~prospective life partner~~ friend and sister I am, I help her find her cousin in some isolated training ground outside the village proper.

Then I freeze. I mean, I knew what I was going to find, but the pieces of knowledge didn't properly fit into the emotional response slots until I had the full picture in front of me. That is, a soaked Naruto in his undies arguing loudly with a mouthy orange toad while they try to beat each other up, and an old pervert ignoring them to try and peek past some bushes into the natural pool down the cliff.

Come to think of it, what did Jiraiya teach the poor guy this whole month? Only how to summon? Man that's sad.

"Karin, we're leaving." I grab her wrist and start walking away, dragging her behind without care for the furrows she's leaving on the ground.

"What?" She protests confusedly, pointing at her cousin with her free hand but not really resisting my efforts to leave. "But Naruto-san is here!"

"Well, that oily creep is here too." My words cause said creep to perk up, which in turn causes me to immediately regret them. "Oh dear, here we go..."

"I'm no mere creep!" He claims solemnly, jumping high into the air to land on one foot in front of us. "I'm the great, gallant wandering toad hermit! The one who makes men cry and women squeal! The great sage of Mount Myoboku! I'm Jiraiya!"

"Hey! Karin! Ran!" Naruto calls, the toad whose name I'm pretty sure I should remember still hanging from him. "Don't mind the Ero-sennin, he's a pervert."

"I'm not a pervert! I'm a super pervert!"

"A super creep then." I huff, putting a hand around Karin ~~posessively~~ protectively. "And I bat for my own team, so thanks but no thanks."

"You're too young anyway, squirt." He answers without missing a beat. I mentally add something that preserves his pain receptors to the innard-melting process I have in mind for him. "If you're not here to admire my greatness or help me get hitched, then shoo away, you're interrupting my research. … And the brat's training, I suppose. Or something"

"Let's go now Karin, I don't want you catching whatever he has." Then I turn towards the poor sod who will have the dubious honor of being trained by one of the legendary sannin. "Uzumaki Naruto, you are not my responsibility, but as Karin's family I feel the need to urge you to find a different teacher."

Said my piece, I turn to leave.

Overhearing Naruto's mumbled sulking about there being nobody else almost makes me regret my harsh words. He'll do just fine under the creep's tutelage, and me questioning his ability to teach wasn't intended as a put down for his student. But broken eggs and spilled milk and all that, so I just keep walking away.

That put an end to Karin's attempts to assist Naruto's training, though she still met with him a lot outside training. I begged off, feeling a bit guilty about avoiding the guy when this wasn't his fault, but he didn't seem to take it too badly. And then he went and called me a shrimp oddball, which is rich coming from the blonde pigmy. Hear those sounds? Those are my feelings of guilt withering and dying.

Naruto-san became Naruto-nii at some point, and I alternated between congratulating myself for a plan well executed and bouts of melancholy with every proof of increased closeness between the two Uzumaki. I'm sure Karin has at least caught on something's going on by this point, but she's never asked, so I've never had to lie to her.

There's much that could be said about this time and yet frustratingly little. Every minute spent with Karin was always precious, of course, but what I did while she left to spend time with Naruto and I was free to worry about my plans is a whole different can of worms. When one doesn't trust their ability to move undetected in hostile land, all preparation must be made beforehand.

Which means I couldn't do much beyond making sure I knew the village's layout and prevent my skills dulling from disuse. You can imagine how hard that is when I'm limited to fracking image training, because I don't dare pull out my toys and risk detection.

Neither can I squander my supplies, lest they figure out more than they should from my shopping list. This isn't a case of being reasonably paranoid, everything hinges on me pulling off my plans for the Finals to perfection and never getting caught. Which is a terrifying prospect when I know that I live in an anime world and leaving behind the slightest clue can and will screw over any master plan.

I think I've clung to Karin a little too strongly this last month. At least in part because of that feeling of uselessness, of wasted time. And Karin noticed my extra clinginess too. I'm pretty sure she's expecting me to make a move on her any time now, which made me feel like a douche. Because I have a plan to stick to and I doubt I would've had what it takes to go through with it if I gave in and started escalating our relationship.

Still, little by little and yet far too soon, the eve of the finals arrived. Karin was so excited about seeing her cousin fight the following day that it was impossible to share a bed with her. So, after futilely trying for a while, I left to take a walk.

I might or might not have ended up near the red light district, in a highly visible bar where I spent my night drinking myself silly. I might or might not have suffered some overtures towards my person, but nobody attempted to take advantage of the very much plastered thirteen years old girl sitting alone at a stone's throw from the whores' hunting grounds, so I guess that's a point for Konoha. Or maybe just dumb luck.

… Yeah, probably just luck.

In any case, it's maybe three or four in the morning when, feeling and acting far more drunk than I actually am, I allow myself to be relieved of the last of my loose coin and be dragged into a ratty motel room to sleep it off by a grumpy but soft-hearted barman. He chastises me as I stagger into the room, but makes sure the door is properly locked behind him when he leaves.

My slightly addled mind conjures the dumbest of questions about whether that's how a proper father would care for his drunk daughter, but I'm not drunk enough for my mind to truly go down that path. I doubt I'll ever be.

Stuppid Shimada blood…

I plop down on the reasonably clean bed without bothering with clothes or sheets, letting the cool fabric soothe my flushed skin. Sweet Madoka, I must look like a mess. Tomorrow I'll look fresh as a daisy though, my shtupid shimada blood is at least good for that.

With a supreme effort of will, I reach for the scent-masking pill hidden under my forehead protector and put it in my mouth. Since they're not chakra magic, they'll take a bit to take effect, but tomorrow I should smell like a completely different person. Not that that would erase the scent trail leading to this room.

The last thought that crosses my mind as I close my eyes is 'All according to plan'.

"All arodin to p'n." Meh, close enough.

The end is coming fast! Maybe as little as one more chapter, depending on how the story wants to flow. Though there's at least two epilogues after the end.

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn't at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here's my Patreon. It's not much, but it's mine. Don't feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my works?

Planeshunter · Apr 12, 2021

039 - Seven Colours
(The death of Shimada Ran)

I wake up to the sound of screams and explosions, which was actually kind of expected. After how I drank yesterday, I'd usually need some time to shake the cobwebs and rub the sand from my eyes, even with my stupid Shimada blood. The process is unceremoniously skipped when a spike of killing intent aimed straight at me causes me to jump away just in time to avoid the kunai that sinks into the mattress instead.

I land on the wooden headboard, suddenly feeling thankful that last night I was too tired to take off my clothes -Hylia bless your laziness, Past Ran!- as I reach for the storage seal holding a kunai under my armpit and take stock of the situation.

The room is untouched, beyond the sudden bed piercing, but the window is wide open and a tall and lanky figure wearing a forehead protector with a musical note symbol is crouching on the frame. I'm confident he didn't make any sound while opening up that window, or I would've startled awake, it must've been the sudden volume difference in the noise from outside that interrupted my sleep.

An oto-nin straight after my ass from the start of the day. That wasn't expected, but was still very much accounted for. Only an idiot would assume a two-pronged invasion would politely skip over them just because they're not actually aligned with the targeted power. In the end, it just makes things easier for me.

"Well well well, what do we have here?" He drawls, stepping into the room with a hand resting on the blade hanging from his belt. "A little Grass kunoichi, all isolated and alone in the middle of a battlefield!"

"... Really?" I can't help myself from snarking. "Out of all the clichéd villainous openers, you had to choose that?"

"And mouthy too!" He cheers, slowly clapping a couple of times. "This is getting better and better and I haven't killed anything yet!"

"Look, is this the part where we trade witticisms before trying to gouge each other's eyes out? Because I'm not very good at this bantering thing..."

"Oh, there'll be more than enough time for that later if you want, but no." He gets into the room, actions as nonthreatening as someone used to gutting people for shit and giggles can manage. Which is actually a lot, because we shinobi are a sneaky bunch when it tickles our fancy. "When I heard there was a little Kuso-nin1 genius who had managed to get a field promotion in the village, I knew I had to come and take a look-sie!"

I tense as he gets closer, but he raises his hands in surrender before getting too close, showing open palms and a wide smile as if that actually means something.

"I was born in that shithole, you know?" He continues before reaching with a hand, still too far for the gesture to be anything but symbolic. "A half-decent kunoichi like yourself is wasting her talents there. Why not join us instead? Orochimaru-sama will make sure you get the recognition you deserve, maybe even lend you some real power, if you prove your loyalty."

It's funny, because I'm pretty sure I already have more recognition that I deserve, back in Kusa. It doesn't matter anyway, I'm about to flip the board and screw everyone. Also, Orochimaru still gets all my nopes. Ugh… This recruitment attempt is actually an inconvenience. I don't trust my ability to fabricate a convincing battlefield for whatever ninja-wizard bullshit passes for forensics here, so I need this guy to make an honest attempt at killing me.

"Wait, you were born?" I don't normally put much effort into my facial expressions, so I can only hope my widened eyes and gobsmacked face look convincing enough. "I assumed you would've congealed somewhere in the sewers… My bad, that was kinda rude of me. To the sewers"

All the easy-going attitude and fake smiles disappear, and the guy's killing intent jumps through the roof. Mission successful, good job me, I knew I could do it.

… Wait, why did I want him to try and kill me again?

His first attempt at me is some sort of iaido bullshit that I barely manage to avoid by jumping onto the ceiling. From more than five feet away. He returns the blade to its sheathed position without another word, and I can't help letting out a long whistle at the three clean cuts on the brick and mortar wall.

My mind plays back what I actually managed to catch from his move. That wasn't [Tsubame Gaeshi], and my Shimada eyes can keep up with a lot of bullshit as long as it remains firmly in the physical realm, so I didn't exactly miss his movements, but they were still more than fast enough to make no difference to me. I can't reliably dodge that.

"Damn you're good with that sword of yours." It's my turn to drawl. "A shame you finish so quickly."

Shut up mouth, what are you doing!!

He snorts disdainfully, but doesn't dignify my words with an answer. Instead, he throws another lightning fast strike my way. Unfortunately, my position on the ceiling is much more precarious, and I have no chance to jump out of the way! The blade strikes true, a thin but deep cut cleanly bisecting my body and filling the room with… white and downy feathers.

"[Kawarimi no jutsu]" He growls as he watches the two halves of a pillow fall to the ground, words falling to convey the depths of his loathing. "If I ever meet the jackass who invented that technique, I'm going to make him eat the log."

He turns to throw a third strike at my new position, but I've finally got the gist of his technique. He's not actually as insanely fast as he seems. It's only that particular set of movements that reaches such speeds.

Slash while unsheathing. Upwards, left to right. Then a second, horizontal slash the opposite way. A third cut downwards, also left to right, and a fourth, non-offensive move to re-sheathe the blade.

He cannot correct, he cannot improvise. Heck, I'm unsure he can see his own blade. Only those four movements in that particular order, practiced day after day until he reached a mastery way beyond his actual level with that action alone. What's a man like him even doing working under Orochimaru? How the hell did the Boss Dude even let him go in the first place?

I rush inside his guard, positioning myself to dodge the first two movements, and his reflexive reaction to my own kunai threatening to gouge his eye out guarantees the third movement is never performed. My other hand completes its three quick seals, and my lips spit a [Katon - Petty Fireball] at his face.

He dodges that too, feet still firmly planted on the ground and ready to cut me in half as soon as I leave an opening, all his evasive movements so far having been performed with his upper body alone, without really breaking his stance. More skilled than anticipated, but still manageable. He's not out of my reach just yet.

I drop the kunai, angling it so it'll fall blade first on his foot, and I clasp my two hands as I step into super-close quarters, disguising a single hand seal with the gesture. From the glint in his eye, I can tell he wasn't fooled, but that's just the first layer of my trick. Finally, his stance shifts, the endangered foot sliding back while his blade is already rising, prepared to bat away whatever jutsu I'm preparing now with his blade. Just as planned.

"[Raiton - Arc Lightning]!" My arms spread wide open, blue lightning bolts humming and arcing from hand to hand. Block this with your metal needle, will you?

"[Hiken - Raikiri (Secret Sword - Lightning Cutter)]" To say my face goes white when I hear his words is an understatement. My elemental transformation gets cleanly cut in two, destabilizing the flow of chakra and abruptly ending the technique, and only a timely tilt of my head saves me from being the one missing an eye… and probably all the grey matter behind it.

I disengage as fast I can, scattering a handful of caltrops in my wake and hope his apparent need for solid footing means he won't just chase. He doesn't, though I'm just reminded he can somehow create vacuum waves with his sword, so that's cold comfort.

Good news, he can't perform Kakashi's signature move and this is just an unfortunate case of naming convergence. Bad news, he can still cut fucking lightning. More good news, this confirms he's indeed much slower when not using his iaido technique. More bad news, he's still freaking damn fast even without.

"You know? At some point every swordsman has to ask himself, 'how am I going to deal with ninjutsu?'" He speaks conversationally, idly sweeping my caltrops to the side with a foot. "Some learn to dodge, some learn to preempt, some regrettably decide to branch out of the art. My answer was to deal with it was the same way I dealt with everything else, by cutting it down."

A sneaking suspicion forms in my mind. Knowing this guy won't be able to resist showing off, I immediately put it to the test. A single seal with two hands, and a sudden burst of air shoots out of my lungs.

"[Fuuton - Pressure Air Bullet]"

Dismissively, wielding his long blade with a single hand and not bothering with proper stances, he swipes away at my jutsu.

"[Hiken - Kazekiri (Secret Sword - Wind Cutter)]" The wind bullet gets cut in half, harmlessly dissipating into the air.

… I try again. "[Katon - Petty Fireball]"

He carelessly swipes his blade the other way. "[Hiken - Enkiri (Secret Sword - Blaze Cutter)]" My fireball suffers the same ignoble death.

… He can cut down elemental releases. And he doesn't even need a proper stance for it. Okay.

So, he's way faster than me, more proficient in close quarters, can counter my ninjutsu with insulting ease and is blocking the window. Maybe I can get out through the door, if I get an opening big enough to actually open it, but that's not something I can count on with this guy. Same for breaking through the walls, it's a shitty motel so they shouldn't be too solid. Still... I might've bit off more than I can chew.

My hand unconsciously reaches for the invisible seal under my wrist, but in the end I hesitate and don't go for it. The Oto-nin's eyes narrow warily, obviously having noticed my aborted maneuver. Good job, Ran. Not only have you not used your true strength, you've hinted at the fact that you have a secret trump. Now he'll be wary.

"Your reputation doesn't do you justice, little Kuso-nin. One-handed seals and three elements at what…? Ten years old? You are damn good and should've been promoted ages ago. But you are still terribly outmatched." He points out the obvious. And he digs at my height too. Twice. What's with that? I didn't get this much shit about it back in Kusa! "Are you sure you don't want to swear fealty to Orochimaru-sama? I bet you'd enjoy being on the winning team for once."

"And you look like a honest and hardworking fellow." I snark back. "What are you doing working with that psycho in the first place?"

"And yet you insist on courting death." He grunts, his hand grips the handle of his blade hard enough I hear it creak. "I was going to offer a swift death if you just surrendered, but I don't think you deserve it after all."

"Not like I would've trusted someone crazy enough to work for Orochimaru with that in the first place." Damn, no two ways about it… "But you're right, you're out of my league. So if I'm going to die, fuck you too."

A specifically patterned chakra pulse releases the containment seals stitched inside my pants, and the room is swiftly filled with a dense green smoke. Anyone said Pox Faulds? I have no idea what you're talking about.

"*Cough*" The effect is immediate, causing the Oto-nin to protect his mouth and nose with a sleeve and, more importantly, forcing him to hold his sword with a single hand. "What did you do, bitch, what's this gas?"

"Lung-melting toxins from Swamp Country's skull-petal flower." I answer, painting my best confident smirk on my face. "I got a bit of resistance, but this shit is the real deal. One hour from now we both will've coughed half our own weight in blood."

"You're crazy!"

"And you're dead."

It's a bluff to get him nervous, by the way. There's no such thing as skull-petal flowers in Swamp Country, and they certainly don't produce lung-melting toxins. This gas will sting like a bitch in our eyes and lungs, we'll probably cough a bit of blood too, but nothing as… explosive as what I suggested.

Also there's actually a good half an hour before the inhaled dosage actually becomes lethal, not that I'm going to tell him that.

While he charges at me once more, movements far less precise than a moment before, I can't help a feeling of anticipation. It's finally time to reach for the seal tattooed under my wrist for real. That's where I keep the really important things. The fruits of my super-secret training I truly hoped not to need until after my plan had succeeded. Needs make musts, and all that. Dying because I refused to use my trump card would be a humiliating way to go.

This is where I mount my counterattack.

I have to hand it to him. Even panicked and rushing, he's damn good at what he does. I don't give him an opening to improvise a cloth mask for the fumes, but he doesn't let off the pressure even with a hand busy. Always on me, no matter how I jump and weave, how I try to trick and misdirect him.

My truly nasty surprises can't be used in an enclosed space like this, unless I want to go for a suicide kill for real, but the ones I've managed to use have amounted to little. The room is full of caltrops and razor-thin wires by now, that he somehow keeps a perfect track of, avoiding or cutting them down with ease. He was clearly toying with me at the start, no way I could've survived his full skills if this is what he can do while heavily handicapped.

For heaven's sake, I threw a bottle of acid at his face and he cut it in half. And the contents were somehow cut in half too, flying harmlessly past his sides instead of spilling all over him.

I'm running out of tricks and out of time. My fingers twitch, throwing one of my last shuriken with an unorthodox style that should've caught anyone by surprise and yet gets flawlessly dodged. That's fine, actually. That reaction is maybe the only thing I have going for me. His senses and reflexes are top-notch, but he only reacted to the shuriken itself. He's not actually a chakra sensor.

The stage is set, the time is right, and I got as good a grasp on his reactions as I'll ever have. As he charges at me yet again, I close my eyes to focus on what really matters. There's no need to actually watch to know what he'll do anymore. A jump to the wall to get past the wire traps, from there, he coils like a spring before throwing himself at me with a lightning fast charge. The only clear avenue of attack, really.

I turn to face him before he even leaves the wall, my last kunai in hand as I try to intercept his flight in a blatantly desperate gambit. I'm at my wit's end and the Oto-nin knows it. His eyes crinkle in what I can only assume is a smug smile at my attempt, aborting his thrust to tilt his body just so, and my clumsy stab skids against his reinforced mesh armor instead of sinking into his neck.

My own maneuver leaves me wide open when he lands right behind me, blade at the ready to cleanly behead me as he turns, a victorious smirk in his lips… only to stop in his tracks right before he can deal the finishing blow. For a moment, he stares at me, paralized below the neck but still alive enough to send a look of panic and incomprehension my way.

His blade has been stopped inches away from my neck by a wicked-sharp metal needle coming from underneath. Somehow, he manages to lower his eyes even in this state, eyes widening as his mind parses that the only reason he hasn't crumpled on the floor like a stringless marionette are the four similar needles coming out of his throat, shoulder joints and heart.

"[Puppet Sign: Ambush-Party Dolls]"

The chakra strings he didn't see, that he couldn't see, shift under the twitches of my free hand and cause the little spears piercing his body to retract. As his dead body collapses onto the ground, four cute-looking dolls wielding sharp spears are revealed behind him. The fifth one, hiding behind my leg, is the one responsible for blocking his decapitating strike.

"Shinobi life is all about smoke and mirrors, Otonin-san." I tell the corpse. "There's no point in being the better fighter, if you walk right into a trap."

Colored gas to mask the smoke of my storage seals, poison to enforce a sense of urgency and draw all his focus to me. Trap the terrain to limit his options and make him predictable… And to have a chance of surviving long enough to actually see through the stealthy, careful positioning of my dolls into an ambush.

He could see through my razor wires even in the foggy environment of this room, so the only reason this worked at all is because chakra strings are invisible to the naked eye. I collapse on the floor, letting out a long sigh of relief.

Holy shit it worked! And I even had a cool one-liner ready that was almost appropriate for the situation! Praised be Madoka, the Norn and the Holy Triforce! I thought I was going to die!

*Cough*

Oh, yeah, the smoke. Fortunately I can reseal it now that the fight's over. Not in my pants though, those seals were one use only and will need replacing which is going to be a pain. A couple of hand seals, and the toxic green fumes are drained into a paper tag, finally allowing me to breathe fresh air.

… Come to think of it, if I hadn't implied a single lungful was enough to kill, maybe I could have bluffed this guy into fleeing? Once we really got going, I stopped considering retreat. Even if he had left an opening for it, I doubt I would've taken it. The idea of stopping the fight halfway didn't even cross my mind.

… Stupid Shimada blood.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the adrenaline rush is over so I think I'll pass out now.

…

Not!

I don't have time for this!

The room is a mess, and there are blood splatters from the many cuts and wounds the both of us -mostly me- suffered during the fight. I couldn't have staged it any better. Awkwardly, I reach for my almost-as-secret-as-my-truly-secret seal, pulling out a corpse I collected more than a month ago during that messed up field promotion mission and seal the Oto-nin body in its place.

Then, just as awkwardly, I put my panties back on with a shiver. Stitching a corpse storage seal into the inner lining of my lucky underwear has proved practical after all, but I'm really not sure this has been worth hauling a corpse everywhere all day yesterday.

I'm going on tangents. Putting the creepy School Days worthy necrophilic play firmly out of my mind, I examine the body. When I killed all those Iwa totally-missing-nin, there was a young kunoichi of approximately my body structure and somewhat similar hair amongst them.

… Yes, that means she was vertically challenged, can we focus on what truly matters?

She's not actually close enough to my appearance to fool a blind and drunk donkey, but that won't matter much longer. Because I set her on fire.

Burn baby burn.

Then, after making sure nobody outside has the free time to pay attention to me. I take everything I'm going to need from their respective storage seals and seal back anything I don't need to have around. Which includes my clothes. Except my panties because active storage seals don't play nice with each other, so I'll have to carry a corpse against my skin for a bit longer.

There, done with everything that needs chakra to work, I palm and down my last pill for the day. A chakra suppressor.

As opposed to the scent altering drugs from last night, this works based on chakra bullshit, so the effects are immediate. With a shiver and a feeling of loss that has me hugging my own naked body, my chakra coils run dry. I'm now weak and utterly defenceless. Like an infant. Or a civilian.

It takes reminding myself this is only temporary and all my self-discipline to avoid breaking down in tears. A hand goes to my neck, instinctually seeking the comfort of my locket only to grip at nothing.

Right… It's not there, I won't be taking it with me, I can't. It has to stay behind. A glance under the wrecked bed catches a glimpse of metal and I need to take a deep breath to hold back the urge to snatch it back into my person. Easily identifiable personal effects are dangerous. It will be found, it will be sent to the right people. Maybe it'll be investigated by Konoha seal masters first, but there's nothing compromising in there, and personal belongings of dead shinobi are treated seriously in the hidden villages.

Finally, I get into the shared bathroom -Ratty motel, remember?- Where I unceremoniously proceed to torture my poor hair with chemicals that I'm pretty sure are against the Geneva Convention until it becomes lush and wavy, shining in a healthy golden hue. A pair of contacts paint the grey of my eyes a crystal blue, and I put on a frilly blue and pink dress Ran would never be caught alive wearing. A pair of brown boots, solid-looking and thick-soled, complete my new appearance.

Shimada Ran is dead, she was killed during the Sound and Sand combined invasion on Konoha.

… Leave me alone, fuuinjutsu and puppeteering go hand in hand and are of the few ninja arts you can practice in a small room in your basement behind closed doors. What did you expect me to specialize in, flea taming?

Plus, I used to like Alice Margatroid a lot, enough to want a try at being her.

I mixed with the first bunch of panicking foreign civilians I found as soon as I stepped out of the building, praying for the chakra suppression drugs I took to fool any guards standing in our way, and subtly implanted the idea of leaving Konoha as soon as possible into their brains. All subliminal suggestions, of course, can't cast Genjutsu while on drugs.

Fortunately for my poor nerves, nothing else went pear-shaped. Oh, the day was stressful and filled with challenges, from actually leaving the walls of the village to securing passage in one of the civilian caravans fleeing from the fire and brimstone, but it was nothing compared to what I had already done. By nightfall I was sitting on a carriage bound for Snow Country and nobody would hear of me again until that mess with the Stone of Gelel.

Still, letting Karin believe I'm dead until I'm ready to make a reappearance is going to be a bitch. When I first made this plan it was just an intellectual exercise. One of those 'what if?' scenarios that are followed by a 'but there's no way that'll ever happen' and immediately forgotten about. I wasn't half as… committed as I am now.

It wasn't until the Boss Dude decided that blackmailing me into compliance was a good idea that I began taking it seriously and preparing for it. And even then, I still didn't think the idea of leaving Karin behind, even if just for a while, would be so painful.

What hurts the most, I think, is the fact this isn't ideal, not by far. Not the best time to leave Karin out of my sight, nor the best place to do it.

Konoha is going to face some unrest, what with Sarutobi's death and the change of Hokage and all that. But I'm reasonably sure it's still safe. I mean, there's a very slight chance Danzo tries to get his grubby paws on her, even if she's too old to be reprogrammed.

No, definitively this isn't a good option. But every other alternative I can think of comes with its own risks, and this is the plan with the best chance of success I could figure out. I'm not smart enough to do better.

There's no way she will return to Kusa, not now that I'm officially dead. Hopefully Naruto will be a solid enough bond that she won't try to leave the village and she won't end up as Orochimaru's pawn again.

He better.

Or else.

…

…

…

When she hears I'm dead Mother is going to kill me.

Arc 3: The death of Shimada Ran, End
Queen of Puppets Book I: Seven Colours…
[The End]

1: 'Kuso-nin' is a cheap and obvious wordplay between Kusa(grass) and Kuso(shitty)

So! The End indeed! I think I mentioned at the start that this story was based on a prologue-ish one-shot I once wrote but never got around publishing. Back then, I never expected it would ever become a full-length novel on it's own!

Please keep in mind that, while Seven Colours is officially finished there are still two epilogues. Karin's and Mother's. And obviously this isn't the end of Ran (or is it Alice now?) adventures. Still… this is the end for now.

I only have the vaguest plans for the rest of her life, on how she will or will not affect the plot with her ~~blind stumbling around being stupidly overpowered~~ intelligent and nevererring plots and schemes. So the rest of the Queen of Puppets Saga isn't on the table at this time.

Golly, this has been quite the journey, some parts going better than others, but all in all a blast to write. And you wouldn't believe how much some parts ended up diverging from the original one-shot. Actually, I might as well post it here, once I'm done with the epilogues, for completion's sake. Personally I don't think it really adds to the experience if you've already gone through this story, so I can't recommend reading it, but it would be remiss of me to not even offer you the chance.

Lastly, and equally if not more important. Apparently, working on two stories at the same time works wonders for my productivity, so I'll be immediately picking up a new one to take the place of Seven Colours as an active story. To this effect, I've opened a poll in my snippets thread with the stories I feel confident I can take on. Please, feel free to drop by and give your thoughts. Even if it's just you voting your favorite franchise out of the available ones, your choice will still be appreciated. Whatever vote results I get here will be added to my Patreon poll (at a 1:10 weight ratio) to determine which story will be taken.

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn't at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here's my Patreon. It's not much, but it's mine. Don't feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my works?

Planeshunter · Apr 15, 2021

040 - Karin's Epilogue: Konoha isn't such a bad place.

A shimmer in the air moves through the canopy of trees surrounding Konoha, barely visible against the irregular and shifting shapes of branches and leaves swaying in the wind. Unfortunately, 'almost' isn't quite enough stealth against trained shinobi.

The bark of a tree some thirty feet away shifts, revealing a buxom woman wearing Konoha's forehead protector and throwing a handful of kunai at the distortion. It explodes in a burst of smoke and the kunai thunk against something solid, but once the smoke dissipates, it's clear they've only managed to hit a poor, innocent log.

The Konoha kunoichi hasn't stopped to see the results of her throw though, having already jumped in a completely different direction while her hands go through a short seal sequence.

"[Ninpo - Sen'ei Jashu]" A mass of snakes burst from the sleeves of her jacket, rushing towards a nearby branch, where the same shimmer from before can be barely made out against the trunk.

This time, the attack is answered in kind, the [Transparent Escape Jutsu] dissipating to reveal a red-headed girl in a getup similar to her attacker.

"[Fūin - Kongō Fūsa]" Chakra chains burst from various points of her body, tangling with the snakes as she takes advantage of the fact her technique doesn't tie up her hands to prepare another seal sequence. "[Suiton—]"

Unfortunately, before she can finish it off, she's kicked off the branch by a second and identical buxom woman wearing Konoha's forehead protector. Karin falls heavily on the floor, a kunai at her neck ending the exercise, and she can't help a dismayed whine when the Anko she tangled techniques with waves cheekily at her and dissipates in a burst of smoke. A shadow clone.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, sweetcheeks!" Anko offers her a hand, smug smirk on her lips. "I'm a Tokubetsu Jonin. If a little munchkin like you could beat me I would've never been promoted in the first place."

"I know, sensei." Karin takes the hand, letting herself be pulled back up from the ground. "It still feels like I'm making no progress."

"Don't call me that." Anko protests automatically, already leading the way out of the training ground. Technically the Tokubetsu Jonin is only keeping an eye on a newcomer and known turncoat until her probationary period ends. Even if she spends the day helping her train. "And you are improving. That would've worked in the Land of Wind, where the heat causes the air to naturally shimmer…"

Karin's face lights up at the rare compliment. Anko isn't Shimada-mama but she clearly has the same opinion on coddling her charges. In the four weeks she's been in her care, she can count the number of times she's been praised.

"...As long as you had a way to avoid leaving footprints in the sand." She continues, turning to address a cheeky grin at her. "Which you don't."

Karin's mood sinks again. "I still have a long way to go..."

"Well, of course. But the training for stealth operatives is demanding for a reason. We shinobi are a paranoid bunch." For all that Anko-sensei claims their relationship to be strictly professional, she sure gives a lot of thought to Karin's options and future. "Are you sure you don't want to train as a medic-nin instead? I hear the really good ones get cushy jobs in the hospital, and the future Hokage is said to have a soft spot for her peers, you'd be set for life."

"I don't want to be a medic-nin. And I have no interest in being set for life." Karin doesn't really snap. She's too used to this old argument to feel anything but weary frustration, and maybe a bit of disappointment at sensei for refusing to see how bad an idea it is. "Infiltration and sabotage is what Ran suggested for me."

Sensei flinches slightly when Ran is mentioned, and her voice is much softer when she answers. "With that skillset you'll be called for assassination missions too, you're aware?"

"I have fought against being shoehorned into a support role all my life." Karin shrugs in turn. Killing people for her new Village is not ideal, but it's far from the worst possible outcome. "If that's what it takes for people to finally stop trying to shove me into a dysergic role, then so be it."

The trees finally give way, revealing a paved path towards civilization, and a pink-clad figure sitting on a nearby bench, gazing at the Village from this vantage point. Sakura is so absorbed in whatever is going through her mind, she doesn't notice their presence until sensei startles her with a hand on her shoulder.

"Ah! Karin, Anko-san!" She greets us with a wide smile once she gets her bearings. "Good work today!"

"Sakura." Karin nods with a soft smile. Of Naruto-nii's two teammates, the pinkette has been by far the easiest to get along with. Now that her cousin is away on a secret mission, the two of them have grown even closer. "Good morning. Any plans for today?"

The girl's smile wavers for a moment. "Just the usual." Visiting the hospital, then. Like every day they have no other plan.

Not only has Naruto-nii been away for nearly a month now. The rest of Sakura's team, Uchiha-san and Kakashi-san, have been lying unconscious in the hospital for almost as long, victim to some particularly nasty genjutsu by the hands -or rather the eyes- of the known traitor and S-class criminal Uchiha Itachi.

Karin nods again. At this point, there's little more the hospital can do for them, except ensuring their health doesn't deteriorate too much. All hopes lie in Naruto-nii and the oily pervert bringing back Tsunade. Sakura has been taking it understandably hard, training alone for long hours and sleeping far less than healthy.

Karin shivers to think how much of a mess the girl would be at this point, if not for Yamanaka-san's efforts to keep her socially active and engaged. As it is, the expert makeup she's using doesn't quite hide the bags under her eyes.

Karin remembers with an amused smile her first encounter with the blonde clan heiress outside the exams. She and Sakura are peas in a pod, and it was no surprise to learn the two of them were both best friends and bitter rivals. Karin would've stood beside Sakura even without the veiled threats and attempts at coercion, but she can respect people going the extra mile for a friend.

"Let me have a quick bath and we can go."

Reaching her new apartment is a brief endeavour. Compared with the Shimada home, it's a modest thing that reminds her of worse times, but she wasn't exactly spoiled for choice in the aftermath of the invasion and it has everything she needs to live.

For a moment, Karin is tempted to invite Sakura to join her in the bath. One of the things she misses the most since Ran… departed, is the skinship. It's not even a carnal thing. She will freely admit in the privacy of her own mind that Haruno Sakura is an attractive girl, but she simply doesn't hold a candle to... Not the point. What she misses is the trust, the intimacy. It doesn't get any more intimate than showing your naked back to a trained killer, after all. She's sure Ran would understand.

On the other hand, Sakura is just as sure to misread the proposal and reach conclusions Karin is nowhere near ready to deal with, so better not.

Hours later, Karin stretches under the evening sun on the rooftop of the hospital, nursing a sore forearm. As always and against her better judgement, she privately treated Sasuke and Kakashi with her [Heal Bite]. Which is frustrating because she can't exactly heal mental damage like this, but it at least helps with muscular atrophy.

It's something she does as a personal favor to Sakura and Naruto-nii, though. She's neither equipped nor willing to extend that courtesy to the entire hospital. And dealing with the looks and snide comments of self-entitled pricks who think she should do it anyway always leave her tense and in a foul mood.

"Karin!" Sakura's voice pulls her from her reverie, drawing her attention to the girl, and the tall figure wearing a strange green uniform who stands behind her. "Courier Ninja looking for you!"

Courier Ninja disappears once she proves her identity and accepts the delivery, consisting of a letter scroll and a small package. Karin's hand shakes when she recognizes the elegant yet functional writing style, and she has to blink away some inopportune tears to properly read the missive.

It's from Shimada-Mama.

"Karin.

I was sent Ran's belongings after the incident,
but I believe she'd rather you held onto this.
Your transferral to Konoha has been officially approved.
There won't be official consequences for leaving Kusa.
Chase your dreams and tackle them to the ground.
I'm proud to call you my daughter.
-Shimada Momoko."

Short, curt and to the point, and yet incredibly emotional. Shimada-mama always managed to do that, somehow. This letter is getting framed and hanged somewhere she can see from the bed every time she wonders what she's doing living alone in a strange land, or whether getting up is really worth the effort.

There's more to the letter too. Shimada-mama isn't the sort to use the same adjective for two sentences in a row unless she wants you to take notice of it, so the repeat of the word 'official' clearly suggests there's some low-key resentment about her abandoning Kusa and she should be careful around her old colleagues until the waters calm down.

Business like usual, really. Karin has learnt to lower her guard around a few specific individuals in her old village, but she's never quite forgotten how she came into service of Grass, nor has the overall population made any effort to change her mind about it.

Her attention goes to the package. It's slightly heavier than she expected from something this size… maybe there's metal inside? She resists the impulse to shake it to hear how it sounds, carefully opening it instead and tilting it to let the contents slide into her open palm.

Once she does, the world becomes blurry again, any sound drowned by the blood rushing through her ears as her heartbeat picks up, and all her attention focuses on the golden circular shape in her hand.

A sudden touch on her shoulder has her turning around like a snake, locket protectively held against her chest as her other hand produces a kunai to gouge the eyes of–

"Karin? Are you okay?" Sakura's voice shakes her out of her daze, dragging her back to the present and making her freeze for a moment, body already coiled to strike in a way that's not obvious but there's no way a trained kunoichi like her has missed, either.

"Yes, I… Yes." Embarrassedly, she puts away the kunai and forces her body to relax. She coughs in her fist, trying to compose herself after the momentary lapse. "I need a moment to myself."

"I… Sure. I'll be downstairs, just come when you're ready."

As Sakura leaves with a last look back, Karin's thoughts go back to Ran, and that inevitably means remembering that horrible day, months ago. She's not embarrassed to admit she was scared shitless after repelling the wide-area genjutsu on the stadium only to realize that it was just the first move of a full-scale invasion and Konoha was under attack.

Everything was chaos, and her [Mind's Eye of the Kagura] only added to her confusion. Everyone was surprised, scared or enraged, usually a combination of them. And it all felt like an ugly hurricane around her.

To make things worse, Naruto-nii was called to action and she was more or less unceremoniously put behind bars. It took all she had to hold back the urge to lash out, resist the unjust imprisonment and show them she wasn't a pushover anymore, no matter how much she intellectually knew it would only make things worse. She doesn't blame them, her presence was a bit suspicious given the circumstances, but it was hard to restrain herself under those circumstances.

So, of course, she reached for the only source of strength that had never failed her before, one she knows so well, she can tell even the smallest shifts in her emotions: Ran.

Her chakra signature was unmistakable, like a lighthouse blazing through the storm of chaos. She was very agitated and a bit worried, probably locked in combat with someone who wasn't a small fry and Karin remembers biting her lip in worry with enough force to bleed.

But the panic in her signature receded after a while, giving way to relief and satisfaction. She had won, and Karin's cellmates gave her a strange look when she rapidly kicked the floor in excitement. In her mind, there was no doubt she would come looking for her and kick any Sand or Sound ass that dared get in the way.

But it didn't happen like that. After a while of remaining more or less stationary, radiating determination and focus, her signature suddenly wavered and completely disappeared.

Her heart sank, and she lost all sense of decorum in a -in hindsight, mortifying- fit of despair and betrayal, curling into a ball on the floor as the world and her senses stopped making sense, showing her the impossible. Feeling her heart sinking more and more by the moment, she tried her best to sharpen her senses, to prove herself Ran was still there, that there was some other explanation for her fading signature.

Her efforts caused all the feedback she was receiving to suddenly multiply tenfold, to the point where it became painful to keep watching. Sobs that she didn't notice letting out were interrupted by surprise and the intensity of the moment. As if breaking a dam and running free, she could suddenly feel so much more.

After she doesn't know how long, she caught Ran's presence again. Muted, but still there, standing at the gates of Konoha. For a moment she panicked, fearing she'd been captured by the invaders, but it didn't match the feeling she was getting from her. Ran was thinking about her, and beyond the muted, but still bright light that was her, the feelings were a confused tangle of regret, determination and… something Karin could only call promise.

That's when she understood, and stopped crying like a brat. Seriously, what was she thinking, doubting her like that?

She still dreads the moment Ran-chan learns about the fool she made out of herself back then, she can picture the fond exasperation as she hides a smile, making a snarky comment and teasing her about feeling appreciated. Then she'll proceed to put the incident in a place of honor somewhere in that perfect memory of hers and never let Karin live it down.

The haze of memories fade slowly, returning her awareness to the hospital rooftop and the tin locket in her hands. From underneath her shirt, she pulls out a matching trinket and runs a finger over the dull and scratched metal. If nothing else, it's obvious Ran cared about her own locket more than Karin ever did for hers.

With a sigh and a promise to figure out how to fix it up, she goes through their secret unlocking ritual. The lockets are blood-locked, but the matching pair can be used in a special way to skip that requirement.

It's been years since she last did this. Once the novelty of the super-secret lockets faded, there was never a reason to try again, but she still remembers the steps. Rub them together, spin your locket three times around its partner, blow your breath over them and turn half a spin counter clockwise. Now separate them, the lid will click open.

Then her breath hitches. She opened the locket out of nostalgia, without a goal or plan in mind. Knowing Ran, Kain expected to find some sort of utility tool, a secret last resort trick or treasure stashed away for an emergency. Actually, some sort of bomb was the most likely suspect.

Instead, there's that nostalgic photograph they took during Shimada-mama's birthday all these years ago, showing the two of them in the middle with their moms at their sides. Five words out of Ran's graceful calligraphy can be read on the other side of the picture, words whose meaning can be easily misunderstood by those who don't have the full story.

"Keep it safe for me."

Without realizing the wide smile on her face, Karin closes the locket back and wears the two of them around her neck. Then she walks out of the roof, a cheerful tune in her lips. Konoha isn't such a bad place, and Naruto-nii is a great cousin, but she can't wait until Ran comes back.

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn't at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here's my Patreon. It's not much, but it's mine. Don't feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my works?

Planeshunter · Apr 18, 2021

Right, this epilogue has proved to be... Polarizing. So I think some warning are proper.

Please keep in mind that the story proper ended in 039 - Seven Colours. If you don't like what's revealed here, feel free to ignore it. Nobody outside the room where this epilogue takes place will ever know about what transpired here, and henceforth the story will remain unchanged even if you choose to disregard it.

041 - Mother's Epilogue: Out of context problem.

It arrived as it was expected, a somber-looking jonin bearing the Konoha forehead protector and carrying dire news. The man was cautiously respectful, but didn't hesitate to look her in the eye to give his report and condolences. Old enough to have heard the stories then, but not old enough to have lived through them.

No matter.

The pleasantries are exchanged, the letter of condolences delivered, signed by the whole ninja council in absence of a seated Hokage, and the package with her daughter's recovered worldly possessions received. She dismisses the man from her presence and her mind, and walks back inside her ancestral home.

Her steps are measured as she walks down the main corridor, her face stony and her eyes stormy. Unhurriedly, she opens the door to her office and steps around her desk. The letter and package fall softly in front of her as she takes her seat. Only then, as she interlaces her fingers under her chin, does she finally break the silence.

"Tell the boss I won't be available." The dark silhouette of a shadowy lizard-like creature fades into view on one of the walls, and hurries to leave through the window after a curt nod. Through the closed window, being two dimensional is useful like that.

With what would've been a drawn out sigh on anyone else, but barely reflects as a minute relaxation around her eyes, she fishes for the extended report accompanying the condolence letter. The blood samples left in the scene allowed for the identification of the presumed killer, a kenjutsu master Kusa missing-nin, assumed to have been recruited by Orochimaru for this operation with an estimated A-rank threat level.

Then the report goes on unsubtly praising the victim's prowess, stalling a superior opponent for nearly half an hour through combat prowess alone and a lot of similar blatantly doctored pacifying shit one would write to a grieving mother when one desperately wants to avoid said mother flipping out and one has no idea how to actually pacify a grieving mother. But it's enough for her to get a mental picture of the situation.

"Oh, Ran. You really pulled all the stops for this one." She mutters, and only someone very familiar with her would be able to pick the hints of fond amusement in her otherwise flat voice. "I wonder if she ever realized what exactly she was up against."

She then focuses on the personal effects package, a hand reaching inside and unerringly pulling out a tin locket without sparing a thought for anything else inside. She turns it around in her hand, feeling for the seal work. It's a beautiful and secure thing, keeping the inside safe from anyone and anything except their rightful owner, and the holder of the matching piece.

There's a not-quite snort of derision when she verifies the seal work hasn't been tampered with this last month. Since the loss of Uzushiogakure, Konoha has been losing it's touch with seals. A flick of her wrist, and the locket opens, filling the silent office with its melancholic music and revealing the picture inside.

This time, she allows herself a slight smile, recognising the scene from her own birthday some years ago. It shows Ran and Karin in the center, with Makisu and herself standing behind them. Her daughter has always been more sentimental than anyone gives her credit for. Undertale, really?

Turning the picture around, she almost can't hold back an amused chuckle at the overly corny words she finds there. Yes, this was intended for little Karin alright.

… Maybe she should follow her example?

Decision made, a blank scroll is produced, and short but precise words are addressed to her daughter in all but blood. She then loses no time in getting her own mail package ready, handing it to the horned lizard that suddenly has been standing on her desk all this time and what do you mean there was nothing there a second ago?

"For the Courier-nin, I think." She comments as the lizard proceeds to swallow the package whole. "I don't want to cause trouble sending an unknown summon into a Village on high alert."

The summon somehow manages to produce a tittering sound of disapproval even in the middle of the swallowing process.

"I know, but it's the principle of the matter." She retorts. "It just would be rude to intrude."

With a last hurt glance as it finally manages to close its mouth, the lizard turns away and disappears into… somewhere.

"You could've made it easier for her, you know?" A voice she's not heard in a lifetime, but she would never be able to forget, comes from beside her. It's a voice that fills both her dreams and nightmares. "I wouldn't have complained even if you… pruned the world a little, Momo-chan."

She calmly turns around, noting how the wall of her office has turned into a mirror and how there's someone else taking her place in the reflected scene. A delicate beauty of pale skin and golden hair, dressing in a tight business suit that accentuates her curvy figure and contrasts pleasantly against the equally golden fur of her nine fox tails.

The mirror-world woman flicks the golden fox ears at the top of her head, blood red eyes shining with amused mirth. And she can't help but reflect on how people of this world would trip over themselves to reach a hilariously wrong conclusion about her appearance.

Fools, all of them.

"I don't do coddling, Boss." She answers the creature. "Those are Ran's hurdles and trials, for her to overcome."

"Your superman dilemma thing again?" The beautiful monster asks with bored interests. "I really think you should've done whatever you wanted for once. This was your vacation, after all."

"And I did whatever I wanted." She huffs, there's no point in sticking to her poker face against this terrifying entity she calls boss, they know each other too well… and she can read minds. "Sometimes regrets and what-ifs sneak up on one, even if they make the right choice."

"… She'll be fine, you know?." The terror incarnate comments.

"Of course she'll be fine, she's my daughter."

"And yet you worry anyway."

"Of course I worry, she's my daughter."

"... You keep acting like a mortal when it comes to family." The monster sighs, shaking her head in defeat. "Sometimes I think I'd have to have a child of my own to ever begin to understand."

"Might not be enough, boss." The human points out. "I am mortal, more or less." And you're a timeless abomination whose feelings of attachment are pathologically incapable of growing beyond 'idle interest'.

There's a brief pause as the monster examines her nails, humming carelessly as they grow longer and shorter under her critical eye, until she finally nods in satisfaction and focuses back on the conversation.

"It's time to come back to work, Momo-chan." She announces, a gate opening between the real and mirror rooms. "The deal was until your daughter left the nest."

"I know." She answers simply, already standing up from her desk.

"Every time we go through this I expect you to raise a stink about having to leave your children behind. Isn't that part of what mortal mothers are supposed to do?"

"Maybe it is." She admits slowly. "But Ran is ready, she doesn't need me anymore." And she's never been your average mortal mother anyway. "A deal is a deal."

"Yeah, whatever. I'll keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. At least you're entertaining."

"That's why you picked me, didn't you Boss?" She's given up in ever getting a straight answer, but no way in hell she was recruited at random. "I'm a barrel of laughs."

"I picked you to laugh as the plans of men and gods turn into dust, and to drink the sweet, sweet nectar of derailed fate while being paid for it. But I guess the entertainment is a good bonus."

Ignoring her Boss' last comment, she stands in front of the gate and directs her thoughts towards this world one last time. Yes, Ran is ready to strike out on her own. She can leave without regrets. Nobody will associate the last Shimada scion with the Seven-Coloured Puppeteer unless something goes utterly wrong.

Though she has to wonder why so many of her daughters obsess with getting second identities when they leave the nest. At least it's always amusing to try and figure out which character they'll use as inspiration.

"Coming, Momo-chan?"

"… Yes, Boss."

Shimada Momoko, the Dragon Sleeping in the Grass and last Head of the Shimada Clan disappears through a door leading nowhere and the Shimada are no more.

At least, in this world.

And this was Mother's epilogue, and hopefully a hook for the World Invader Momo series. Any resemblance to the ROB concept in general and Cherico's take on the Company are pure coincidence. This epilogue is ten years old, I didn't even know about those things back then.

We end the Seven Colours Book with this, though I'll post the one-shot that inspired the story in a few days. The next story, unless there's a miraculous upset in the polls, will be Tempered by Fire a Fate/SN self-insert that, honestly, I don't expect to be excessively long. I'll drop a link here with the next update.

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn't at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here's my Patreon. It's not much, but it's mine. Don't feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my works?

Canon Omake - Momo's griefs.

"You don't let me guide heroes anymore, Boss."

"I let you tutor Naruto once, exclusively non-combat. He bent the plot over the desk like a cheap whore."

"Not my fault it was so contrived and had so many points of failure, you can always make me forget the next plot before sending me there."

"We tried that with Harry Potter, I'm not going to comment on how it went."

"I just taught him how to apply common sense."

"With extreme prejudice."

"I don't believe in half measures."

"Yes, that's the problem, plots tend to fail in an extremely flashy way when the characters exercise your particular brand of common sense. Which usually includes an unreasonable amount of fire and gore."

"So, can I go train another hero soon?"

"Oh, why the heck not? I hear Hallownest could use some common sense."

A/N: "I was Hornet when I reincarnated", anyone?

Planeshunter · Apr 24, 2021

Alright, I bring you the one-shot that inspired the full story. It's basically a retelling with less words or rather, the story you've so loyally followed for months now is a retelling of this. There are some altered things, narrative that flowed differently when I tried to get into detail, but it's overall the same story. Which means I'm not sure it'll be worth your time, but I promised to at least give you the option so here it is.

In other news, my new (NSFW) story Tempered by Fire is now up! Make sure to take a look if you're interested in Fate/SN stories!

I was named Shimada Ran at birth, but that wasn't the first name I ever carried.

At first, it was all very confusing. I'm sure you can imagine, waking up from a slumber you don't remember taking to find yourself somewhere warm and dark. I can't speak for every unborn baby out there, but I for one felt safe and comfortable.

Then the spasms began, and I was slowly but surely ripped from my safe place, into a cold and unforgiving world. Suddenly light hurt my eyes, still incapable of proper sight. Suddenly noises were all the sharper and unpleasant. Suddenly I required to breathe to remain alive.

Honestly, I have no idea how anyone does this the first time. I mean, I remembered what it was to breathe and everything and it took me a couple of false starts, but how's the tabula rasa that's a normal newborn supposed to do it?

Figuring out what was going out around me was another uphill battle. My eyes couldn't pick up images beyond blurs of colour, and my ears didn't have the precision to pinpoint specific words for a while.

I'll admit the idea to count the solar cycles to have some awareness of the passage of time didn't occur to me for a while. So I can only say it was some confusing blur of time and a month before I recognised the language: Japanese.

It wasn't a language I was ever fluent in my last life, but knew enough to identify some of the simpler sentences. It was a great advantage to learn the rest. Still took a long while.

Along the way, I picked some keywords that sent a shiver down my spine. Words like 'Chakra', 'Konoha' or 'Kyuubi-no-Youko'. The first one might've been a coincidence, but the other two were a dead giveaway, I was in some part of the Elemental Nations, from the story of Naruto.

Ehm… yeah, maybe it's a bit late to mention it, but I was born with some memories from my last life. Like reading a certain manga going by the name 'Naruto'. And watching the anime, and the OVAs, and reading the novels.

Well, I don't remember how I died. Or how I lived while we're at it. More like just… knowledge I'm fairly sure a newborn baby shouldn't have.

How did this happen you ask? Why the hell should I know?

No, seriously, I have no idea.

I only know I used to be someone else, and now I'm not. And I was born at some point in between. For the second time.

I won't lie, I was more than a bit thrilled when I finally accepted reality (Watching first hand a Kusa forehead protector really helped with that), and hurried to quickly recap everything I knew about the story I had been so conveniently shoved into.

Making a tentative timeline took more time that I would liked, since Kusa wasn't connect to many incidents I could use as reference, but someone finally let slip how my grandfather had died during the Kyuubi invasion of Konoha (and what the heck was a Kusa-nin doing there I wondered). A couple of months before I was born.

Unfortunately, there was little I knew about this particular village, beyond their Blood Prison, being the supposedly birthplace of the S-Rank criminal Zetsu (How does that work? I know where Zetsu actually comes from, how did they fake his birth?) and all the shit happening to them during the Chunin Exams in Konoha.

Oh, and some super-weapon or another, don't remember that part very well.

I only hope whatever time Zetsu spent here is already over. I seem to remember charges of cannibalism somewhere on his file.

Anyway, the only thing worth remembering about this place in particular is Uzumaki Karin. Lost, shy and abused Karin, who was viewed more like a walking band-aid than a real person and grew alone and sad in a place that never really accepted her.

That her escape landed her into Orochimaru's hands for another handful of years didn't really improve her situation, nor helped her personality. She ended up becoming a manipulative bitch with a rowdy character and hair trigger temper. The worst of Sakura and Naruto put together into a single person… yikes.

At that point, I had to chastise myself for getting my head in the clouds. What did it matter to me whether she was happy or not? It was not my freaking problem!

As often happens in stories about being reborn in your favourite manga world, I was letting my fangirl mentality get in the way of cold, hard facts. I didn't really want to join the shinobi world. If you stop and think about it, you wouldn't either. It's a cruel and dark place of shadows and deceit, where puppeteers pull the strings of the unaware, only to be manipulated by the puppet masters behind them, all of them ignoring even the existence of the real masterminds, who lay hidden underneath the underneath.

And death, and carnage. A lot of ninja carnage.

Yeah, in this world, it's kill or be killed.

So I would go civilian. Yup. bombing any test they send my way and raising hell as required so I wasn't ignored. Yup, I would be a stupid civilian with nothing to do with all that crap.

I might offer to play with Karin if I met her in the park or something, but that was all. No dangerous shinobi life for me, no matter how cool it looks in the anime.

…

....

At least that was the plan, and I honestly believed it was working until I found myself sitting in my very first lesson on the Academy, first row seat too. Turns out the Shimada Clan is a very prestigious and influential clan in Kusa, even if I'd never heard of them before.

My family is one focused on excellence. Our clan techniques aren't secret jutsus but work ethic and genetic stubbornness. No two Shimada follow the same path in one given generation, but whatever we choose to do with our lives, we're expected to excel on. And I missed my chance to be an excellent merchant when Mother enrolled me into the Academy without asking.

Wasn't the Academy supposed to be the Third Hokage's legacy? Why's there another outside Konoha?

This isn't fair.

And how am I supposed to excel at anything anyway? I'm a perfectly normal seven year old brat with short and somewhat chubby limbs, a round face with generous doses of baby fat and short, thin brown hair. Even my eyes are of a dull grey colour. Maybe my most remarkable feature is how unremarkable I am.

Revising my plan, I decide to flunk everything. I'll be an exceptional failure and Mother will send me somewhere else. Yeah.

That's my new plan.

So my first year in the Academy passed. I was a mousy little thing nobody thought twice about, unless I was asked something by the teacher. Then everybody suddenly paid attention because my answers were as outlandish as they were hilarious.

At first I was a bit worried about becoming bully bait with my attitude, but turns out turning my class-wide popular answers into passive-aggressive slights against whoever decided to have a laugh at my expense nipped any potential problem at the bud. They were kids after all, sharp words could, and did, hurt them into submission.

Mother wasn't very happy with the reports coming from my teachers, but there was a limit to what she could do about it. What's deemed acceptable punishments for a brat my age barely left a dent on me. And I was vindictive enough to perform more than satisfactorily while training at home, which was driving her spare something fierce, by the way.

Yeah, it was a decent status-quo for me.

The first year flew by. At first, I brought manga to read in class, but after it was all confiscated and a strict policy of searching me as I entered, I actually decided to pay attention to the lessons. Out of sheer boredom, mind, even if I only fooled around when we were practicing in the training ground at least there I could do something. Also, there was a lot of non-shinobi material too, after all. Geography, History, and Language of Kusa and the Elemental Countries were all fascinating subjects for me. It was also fascinating to read all the blatant bias that plagued our textbooks. Seriously, this world doesn't seem to know what 'impartial account' means.

With the second year, Karin Uzumaki joined the Academy. That surprised me a bit, when she wasn't in my class I simply assumed we weren't of the same age, but turns out her family had just arrived Kusagakure during the summer holidays. Huh, that explains a bit better why she was always treated as an outsider, eight is old enough for the other kids to be a bit leery of a newcomer, so if her family's standing within the village wasn't good, it stood to reason she was never properly welcomed.

At first I just minded my own business, but man was it hard to watch the piss poor way she was treated. And how she just rolled with it was just frustrating, the first time I called out for her I ended up accidentally calling her 'doormat-chan'. Of course it stuck, kids are cruel like that.

But be it instinct or cunning, she figured out I wasn't really against her and boy, did she capitalize on it. By the time I noticed, she'd attached to me like a specially stubborn limpet.

I didn't mind overly much. She might not be the greatest conversationalist, and maybe her self-worth issues drove me up the wall, but it was refreshing to have someone beside me to comment on the latest History lesson, even if she looked at me funny when I pointed out the lesson's blatant bias in Kusa's favour. To be honest, being an exceptional failure was kind of lonely.

…

I'll never understand how the schoolyard food chain works. Never understood it in my first life, never understood it here. When I was alone, all it took was a handful of sharp comments and maybe reducing someone to tears with words alone for everybody to leave me alone. I was outside the chain altogether.

But apparently befriending the loser doesn't rise her to my level, instead makes me fair game again… somehow.

It was quite frustrating.

Since I wasn't willing to back down and attempts at physical violence against us usually ended in bloody noses (hint, not ours), the smear campaign against Karin at me soon turned into something ugly.

When they put a flower pot on our tables, as if we had just died, I had half a mind to laugh out loud, but Karin's miserable expression held me back. Instead, I made a flower crown to wear myself, and pocketed the vases to sell later and buy us some treats with the money. It seemed enough at the moment, but later on learned Karin's father had passed up not a week earlier.

Why she didn't tell me herself back then, I'll never understand.

In any case, I was seething. So, when someone pulled something funny next, I kind of… snapped? Yeah, snapped.

When my parents were called for an emergency meeting and I was asked to explain myself, I very pointedly told them to look underneath the underneath like good shinobi, since they wouldn't believe me anyway. I lost recreational privileges and pretty much any personal freedom for the remainder of the school year, and training at home became something gruesome, but the idiot who so unpleasantly laughed at Karin's plight will be wearing an eyepatch the rest of her life.

You don't mess with my friends, bitch.

Unfortunately that didn't stop the bullying, and my family had run of reasonable methods of punishment. If I was caught in something else, I would be pulled out of the program.

Funny how that would've sounded fantastic a year ago, but now I was emotionally invested in Karin, against my better judgement.

So I switched tactics. Training incidents happen everywhere, and if they all seemed to befall the most unpleasant individuals in the class… well, it couldn't have happened to a better guy. And if I happened to make sure to stare down the victim making sure he or she saw my vicious smirk. Well, I'm a resentful bitch and I can't bother feigning worry about someone I don't like, that's just life.

Kids are stubborn, or maybe stupid. It took me almost two entire years to get them to back off and, by then, my reputation as a failure was in tatters. It was the end of my third year in the Academy by then, but I naively expected to regain it before graduation. No such luck.

During my fourth year I managed to laze around for about... three weeks. Then I had an interview with the Boss Dude. Boss Dude had a more dignified name, of course, but it always sounded like a particularly nasty tongue-twister to me, so I called him Boss Dude. He was the leader of Kusagakure.

Apparently the way my performance didn't match up with my actual abilities had been a bit too blatant during the bullying war last year, and Boss Dude wanted me to drop the act and become a shinobi for good. I told him to suck my foot. Now that I think about it, I failed pretty badly at that 'being a little mousy thing'... Meh.

He asked me why I didn't want to be a shinobi, and I lied to him. Seriously, you don't tell the head honcho of a village of assassins for hire you don't want to do something because you're scared of dying. Because then he threatens to kill you, and if you still say no he kills you for real, just to make a point.

So I told him shinobi life was full of death and I didn't want to lose my precious people. I should've suspected something when he accepted that easy enough, instead I only thought he was a mighty sucker.

A couple of months later he called me again to tell me about Karin's mother passing away the previous week. I inwardly cursed at Karin and her infuriating tendency to clam up about such matters. I promised myself to have some words with her about it. After hugging her silly for about a whole week.

Then he told me about the deal she had with the village, and how her family had been accepted in return for her healing their shinobi with her particular abilities. Actually, that's how she died, overworked herself to death after some skirmish or another went bad for Kusa. I'm definitely hugging Karin silly for the next month, no excuses.

Problem is, as he knows and I know, even if he doesn't know for sure I know but probably suspects, that Karin has inherited her mother's ability. It's not hard to see where everything will go from here. An orphan without value for the village, except for that one skill that requires no training or investment whatsoever.

Long story short, I was presented with an ultimatum. Take my shinobi career seriously or she gets pulled out of the program and headfirst into the hospital as some kind of human sacrifice. And I used to complain about Orochimaru's cruelty… yikes.

I also have to graduate as rookie of the year or she goes directly there anyway.

Even later on, that would probably be her fate as soon as I mess up a mission.

So I had to become the next ninja prodigy of the Shimada clan or risk her paying the consequences.

Fan-friggin'-tastic. At least Mother will be proud of me.

That was also the moment I decided that if I couldn't get my way, then to hell with living a safe and comfortable life and plunged myself headfirst into the plot. I began my scheming.

I am… an obsessive person. I had a vague awareness about that fact from my past life, but during the remaining two years of academy I had enough time to realize how bizarre my personal insanity was. Probably my new genetics didn't help much here.

Stupid Shimada blood.

My plan always in mind, I immediately dove into a new schedule.

…

Okay, not immediately. First I went to find Karin and had some very angry words with her about bottling bad things inside. Then (after confirming she had no better life plans that an orphanage), grabbed her hand and dragged her all the way to my home, where I shamelessly bargained the exact same deal I had with Boss Dude, this time in return for letting Karin live with me until she could afford to support herself.

As you probably realised, the Shimada being a bunch of insufferable overachiever our home had the room for an extra bed, and our budget the funds for an extra mouth or twenty, easy.

As of today, I remain unsure whether Mother bought my attempts to bargain with something I had already promised someone else or simply tolerated what she saw as a whim because, as long as I had the drive to excel, she honestly didn't care.

But yeah, after that I immediately dove into a new schedule.

…

Okay, not immediately. First I had to make sure I really understood everything going on and what was expected of me. I mean, after three years I still had no clue what was all this shit about having our own Academy in Kusa, and only a vague understanding of how it worked.

In the end there's nothing mysterious about it. When Kusa officially became Konoha's ally, knowledge about the inner workings of the acclaimed Academy that had produced such outstanding shinobi since it's foundation was the price the Leaf paid. A complete steal if you ask me but, as I was born here in Grass, I'm not about to complain. Their loss, my win.

Okay, now that it was all solved, I immediately dove into a new and improved schedule.

My routine began with the first light of dawn, when I extricate myself from Karin's sleepy grasp for my physical conditioning. I didn't want to become the second coming of she-hulk, so it was mostly aerobic exercise and flexibility, along with eye-hand coordination training. By the time it wasn't such an ungodly hour anymore, Karin joined me in my cool down exercises.

Not to boast or anything, but my cool down exercises were enough to count as serious workout for a normal person.

After we reached the Academy, I trudged through lessons that bore me to tears via drug abuse. And with that I mean caffeine. Lots and lots of caffeine. Still, some classes were simply impossible. I mean, what's a girl with advanced calculus expertise supposed to do during 'Math for dummies'?

So I surreptitiously pulled out my books for different subjects and made sure I had them down to pat instead, becoming the first ever master of the art of Stealthy Study. I'm such a badass.

Evening meant more training, this time with Karin at my side for everything. Knowing what to expect of the future, I made sure Mother found a good personal tutor on the subject of chakra control. The [Mind's Eye of the Kagura] might work without real training from the user, but those [Uzumaki Chakra Chains] aren't going to manifest themselves without a firm control on her chakra flow.

After dinner, I cloistered myself in an underground room, where I got ready for my plans for the future.This was the hardest part, because I was developing a completely different skill set that nobody could know about. Fortunately it was something that could be done behind closed doors in a windowless room. There's no way I would've managed to keep any kind of outdoor training secret in a shinobi village. Small mercies.

I woke up tired and went to bed completely exhausted, only having decent sleep to get ready for a test. My migraines were the stuff of legends and a low-level headache was an almost constant partner. My growth would predictably be stunted, even if I visited the hospital to ask about possible palliatives, they couldn't do much for me beside recommending a healthy diet and… well, stop doing that to myself.

....

Fat chance.

I also became somewhat irrational due to my lack of sleep and constantly aching body, snapping aggressively against anyone and anything that bothered me or Karin. Except Karin herself, who was the only one with approaching privileges. Even Mother earned her share of sharp words. Not that she didn't kick my butt for it, mind.

You could say I took the maxim 'this is a time to learn' to the extreme. Had any potentially lethal incident happened during this time period, I would certainly be dead now, because I was in no shape to react to the unexpected. But hey, I learned a lot and I learned fast. That was my part of the bargain.

And yeah, that was pretty much my life for the following two years, until graduation. It sucked so very much, but I honestly didn't notice until it passed and I looked back. Obsessions are scary things.

I graduated, of course, as the number one rookie of the year. And man, didn't that piss off a good portion of the male population. Chauvinistic shits…

Then the teams were announced and I realized the Boss Dude had pulled one on me.

Karin wasn't on my team.

Fortunately, I had been sleeping well in preparation for the tests, and I was feeling a good deal more rational than usual that day. Because the urge to throw a tantrum grew something fierce. In time, I realized Boss Dude was trying to do us a favour, that we had grown too dependent of each-other for our own good. But at the time I really had my head stuck inside my ass. Obsessions can do that to you.

So I was shoved with a team I fantasized about painfully killing as a method of stress relief, and spent every single free moment with Karin. They weren't many, Boss Dude made sure our schedules didn't overlap. Manipulative bastard wanted me to focus on training.

At least I didn't feel the need to keep my self-destructive schedule, and slowly regained my nonchalance. I wasn't a cool Academy graduate, but I sure aimed to be a cool Chunin aspirant by the time it was relevant.

I would like to say my team wasted three months painting fences and walking dogs only to then be sent in a C-Rank that went FUBAR and ended up being an A-Rank. But that short of crap only happens in Konoha, and only to Team 7.

Truth be told, for the most part of the Elemental Nations shinobi were killers for hire, it was only in the Hidden Leaf you could find them reduced to gophers in what I consider a decent PR maneuver that apparently no other shinobi leader was able to understand. There, shinobi were part of daily life for every civilian and somewhat heroic figures to admire. Here, we were… killers for hire. Necessary, but not necessarily liked.

We leave the Academy for low-risk escort or courier missions, and we work our way upwards from there. And Grass is big on intelligence gathering, which means low chance of missions being miss-ranked.

As part of my efforts to remain the best, I took solo missions to pad up my CV. What kind of village allows genin to take solo missions anyway? Greedy pieces of shit...

We performed admirably, as I did by myself somehow, but never got the chance to really excel.

There was a bit of an upset when the Chunin Exams weren't mentioned when I expected them to, but it was a false alarm, thank the Kami. Turns out our promotion graduated around five months before Naruto's did, because our terms aren't synchronized. People sure looked at me funny when I asked about the Exams anyway, apparently, I wasn't supposed to know.

Well, sucks, most brilliant kunoichi of my generation bitches.

…

Remember when I said there weren't many misranked missions in Grass? Well, some was. Like the one that had Karin's team die on her. She only survived because she was keeping watch of their camp when the rest of her team was engaged, and her detection skills allowed her to assess the danger and flee for her life.

Of course, I didn't hear shit from her. Had to overhear a conversation. And I pretty much never eavesdrop conversations, damnit. It was friggin' good luck I happened to be stretching after my evening training at the other side of a hedge that I ever heard that.

So I took a week off and another one in Karin's stead (The fool intended to just keep working!) and stole her for a journey to Hot Spring Country. It was expensive as heck, but dedicating all my time to being the best means I didn't have a lot of time to spend in… spending money. Even after buying quality tools I had more money that I knew what to do with.

Mother looked very amused when I complained about that. It's apparently called the Shimada Curse.

...Stupid Shimada blood.

No, I'm not going to tell you perverts what transpired while on our vacation, but it probably wasn't what your sick minds are conjuring. It had good times and awkward times and we blushed and laughed hysterically more often that I like to admit. Nothing happened beyond fun and relaxation and I wasn't angling for anything else anyway, but we were both stepping into teen ages and suddenly a lot of things that had been harmless enough before were now embarrassing and/or suggestive.

In any case, we returned refreshed and happy, and everything would've been sweet and nice if not because Boss Dude decided to drop the news about the Chunin Exam in Konoha right as we returned. Karin was going as a filler for a team whose third member had already been promoted.

I… My team wasn't as ready as I was myself, and I was supposed to join another team in the place of a weak member that wasn't really up to the challenge. The leader of that group was a face I remember very clearly. It was a face Orochimaru wore during the test.

Well… Crap.

I honestly don't believe I'll be able to convey how I felt after hearing that.

Orochimaru was a hurdle I had no realistic way of overcoming. Not now, not in a hundred years. Give me a break, I'm and excepcional genin, not the friggin' Rikudo Sennin incarnate. Nope, no way, no how, I was going to die.

Could I refuse to go to the Exam? Nope. Are you kidding, this isn't Konoha, we aren't getting a choice, just given a command and expected to follow or die trying, as I was going to do. Dying I mean. Also, I had grown a lot closer to Mother even since I began taking shinobi life seriously. Disappointing her now would hurt.

Could I kill all my team and maybe someone from Karin's team too so we get sent like that? The killing part was feasible, if a bit far-fetched, but I wasn't going to walk scot free afterwards. Also, if I did Orochimaru would probably kill us anyway to take our places.

Yeah, not my best idea, I was a bit sleep deprived by the time I formulated that one, leave me alone.

In the end, the answer came from Mother. Kami bless her.

I explained my problem the best I could, that is to say, very poorly, but she caught the important parts anyway. It was imperative I didn't participate in the Exams as part of the team I had been assigned. It was imperative that such a team indeed made it to the exam. It was imperative I was in Konoha during the examt.

"It's easy, just get a field promotion before then and get there as a spectator."

I could've kissed her. But she probably would've kicked my ass for it. So I smothered her in the most intense hug I've ever initiated. She kicked my ass for it anyway, but did so with a smile on her lips. Maybe our family was a bit dysfunctional, but we made do.

Getting a field promotion was normally tricky business, especially in peace times. But there are loopholes. Of course there are loopholes, this is the shinobi world. With a couple of friends in high places, it can be conveniently arranged.

Fortunately, I was able to reason with Boss Dude, and that was a heck of a high place to have a friend in. Konoha has always been big on teamplay, and just soving me into an already existing team dynamic with barely a couple of months to figure out my place wasn't going to cut it. Also, Karin was a weakness of mine and having her take the exam at the same time as me wasn't a very good idea. I would give up any forced match against her for one. And I would very much prefer not publitice my fondness for her to all and sundry, thank you very much

At first I was, of course, offered Karin's place instead, and you wouldn't believe how tempted I was to accept it. So much pain would be spared that way… but all my plans laid in the Chunin Exams. I couldn't do anything drastic, at least until the second test was over.

So I insisted on getting a field promotion. It was easy to explain it away as not wanting to ruin my best friend's chance. To be honest I wasn't sure Boss Dude wouldn't call my bull, but in the end he let it go.

A mission was orchestrated to justify my promotion, I was sent on an infiltration mission far above my paygrade with a single High-jounin. He was a jerk about it or maybe was on orders and wouldn't participate at all, just watch my performance and evaluate it.

Basically, a test disguised as field promotion. I wonder how often the villages get away with shit like this...

So I floundered around a field that wasn't my specialty as a jerk took notes and, I'm sure of it, an even bigger jerk was laughing his ass off on his Boss Dude desk back in the village. I secured the information, inserted myself into the relevant secured location, neutralized the heck out of everybody around with a generous dose of toxic fumes and ran like the devil was at my heels with the payload.

It wasn't elegant, it wasn't fun (for me) and most definitively it wasn't jounin material. But I had delivered as asked, and that was all it was about. If the suckers I had robbed silly even bothered to investigate, the would find Kumo-nin equipment hid away in an empty tree trunk near their base, but I doubt they'll be capable of that so the identity of their assailant will forever remain a mystery.

In any way I had my promotion, and just in time for my celebratory vacation to match with the start of the exams in Konoha. Life was about to get a hell of a lot more interesting.

Boss Dude was a jerk, I knew it for a long time, but I didn't expect him to give me an infiltration mission to 'make use of all that time you'll waste in the Leaf'. Seriously, that was a low blow even for him. Whatever, at least that gave me an excuse to remain there the full month. And to empty my accounts and grab all my sealed scrolls before leaving.

It would've been suspicious as heck to do that for a regular vacation, but nobody arched a brow at me preparing for a mission.

Thus prepared, I bade farewell to Karin and watched her leave the village. She would be safe. She would be safe, she would be safe. Even if Orochimaru attacked and killed the other team she wouldn't even know and she would be safe. Even when her team ditched her in the forest of death and a bear tried to eat her whole she would be safe.

Hell, convincing myself of that was harder than I would've liked, now that I think about it.

In the end I reached Konoha by myself.

Why, you ask? Because I was sick of Karin keeping things from me and wanted to teach her how it felt for once, and this was harmless enough. The look on her face when she found me waiting for her at Konoha's gates was priceless.

Then I took her to Ichiraku's. I had no ulterior motives, swear, just wanted to treat her to some good Ramen while having a taste of one of the most well known food stands in the world (for me anyway). But it almost backfired when Naruto predictably was there. It was a very tense hour until Karin finally decided to take pity of my shrinking wallet and we left. The insufferable girl was probably taking revenge for my revenge surprise.

I felt like shit at not dragging her and Naruto together, but also inordinately relieved I wasn't altering the plot. Not yet Ran, just a little longer!

Then some bastard called Naruto by his full name, and there was no way to avoid the meeting without it looking suspicious. Damn but I was going to curse this day and the troubles it caused me during the month that followed. Still, just the smile in Karin's face when we made it back to our room was worth all of that and more.

Yeah, our room, the rest of her team were jerks, so she ditched them and joined me at the five-star hotel I was staying in. More cash than I know what to do with, bitches. The A-Rank I pulled by myself to get promoted didn't hurt my account balance either.

My problem right now was, now that I finally was in Konoha, to put the finishing touches on my plan and make sure everything worked out. That involved a lot of walking around, as inconspicuous as possible, which wasn't exactly easy with two Uzumaki tagalongs, but also doubled nicely as working for my 'mission'. It also involved avoiding certain people like the plague.

Fortunately Naruto didn't seem particularly inclined to introduce us to his old Academy classmates, as meeting Shikamaru would spell trouble with capital letters. The chance of Hinata catching a whiff of us during her regular Naruto-stalking activities was bad enough, but I could only hope she was busy getting ready for the exam.

The big day arrived, and I dropped Karin with the rest of the Kusa aspirants at the gates of the Academy. Damn but it was big and imposing compared with Grass' modest facilities.

In any case, I wished good luck to Karin while very pointedly ignoring her jerkmates and then did the same for the other team's leader, who I was pretty sure was already Orochimaru in disguise, but behave politely enough, if a bit distant. Good thing I guess, not sure how well I would've reacted if he'd attempted conversation.

Now, here's where I would like to tell you about all the badass shady antics that took place during the week everyone was busy with the exams but I can't, because I didn't do shit besides walking around and familiarizing myself with the village. Besides, everyone from Kusa was interrogated pretty soon by a clearly unsettled Anko.

No, I didn't know Shiore-san very well, nor anyone from his team.

No, I didn't notice anything odd about him, but then again, I didn't know him very well.

I was in Konoha on vacation, since it was a good chance to take it easy while cheering on my fellow Kusa-nin. Gosh I couldn't wait for the finals, they promised to be epic.

Yeah, she was intimidating enough, excuse me if I'm not looking very shaken, I think I'm still in shock about a Kusa-nin being assassinated and impersonated by a Konoha renegade the hosts don't seem capable of catching or even inconveniencing in any meaningful way. Or at all.

Oh, the interview is over already? Good, you should be out there trying to catch the bastard, not losing the time of paying visitors.

Well, fuck you very much to you too princess, I'll now go back to my masseuse appointment, I'm late already.

...

Bitch.

After that more than infuriating conversation with/interrogation by Konoha's security, I left the intelligence building fuming. I was pretty sure I wasn't being followed, which was pretty scary since I knew I had to be being tailed. Stupid stealthy ninjas, you never know where they are…

Not fiddling with my sealed scrolls and convincing myself that I had everything ready was a real struggle. The action was in the Forest of Death, and there was nothing I could do to interfere. Heck, I couldn't even worm my way into the tower for the preliminaires!

To be honest, those five days were kind of a blur. A long, unending blur of me restlessly walking all around the village only to suddenly change my mind and getting into any open training field I could find to vent out my frustration. Then just as suddenly I start feeling lonely and miserable and barely manage to drag myself to the hotel's spa, where I would waste hours letting myself get dragged from one treatment to the next without paying attention to whatever it was they did or how much the bill fattened.

Yes, I didn't enjoy those five days, not in the least.

When Karin finally stepped outside the place, I might've pounced on her like a tiger on a stalked prey which, in hindsight, might've not been the best thing to do to a nerve-wracked killer recently out of a deadly survival exercise.

I was a bit surprised when Uzumaki Friggin' Naruto made to intercept me, and even more surprised when she tried to gut me with a sharpened kunai. They both failed, of course, I'm an Shimada shinobi and was on a glomping mission. It was still a bit unsettling, but the panicked look in her eyes once she registered what exactly she'd tried to do was pure blackmail material.

Once the mood calmed down a bit, the both of them tripped each other in their hurry to tell me about their exams, and I was pretty sure I had changed something important in the plot by then. One thing was Naruto knowing about Karin beforehand, but they were obviously thick as thieves.

Indeed. In this timeline, when Karin lost her team she didn't wander alone for a bear to try and turn her into ours d'oeuvre, but used the [Mind's Eye of the Kagura] to locate her distant cousin and regroup with his team. All in good time too, as she caught up to them the night Sakura spent taking care of them, but before she had any time to set traps. I would've been pretty miffed if the wallflower had ended turning my best friend into a human porcupine.

You'd be surprised how different the fight with the Sound team went after Naruto and Sasuke had a quick bite at her. For them telling me the story it was still a thrilling fight but, for me that knew how it would've worked otherwise, it was frankly hilarious.

Karin still earned a pointed glare and she had the good sense of looking embarrassed. I was not happy about her revealing her chakra's special characteristics around where someone unscrupulous like Orochimaru or Danzo could catch a whiff of it. It was bad enough in Kusa, no need for any big player to know what she can do.

Anyway, with Karin's help they'd breezed the rest of the test, which was a bloody good point as it meant Kabuto didn't join them this time (I asked). Whether it was because the team was almost guaranteed to pass and Orochimaru didn't feel the need for a backup or because it would've looked suspicious if a second shinobi separated from his team joined them, I'll never know.

Anyway, the three of us went off to do our thing. Sasuke hadn't returned yet from wherever Kakashi had spirited him away to seal away his [Cursed Seal of Heaven]. Hmmm… sealed seal… talk about redundancy. Sakura, of course, wanted nothing to do with Naruto once the team exercises were over.

I was too relieved nothing had gone wrong to feel anything but happiness right now, but intellectually knew I was kind of fucked. Interacting with Naruto during this month was a big NO in my books. But! I would worry about it later, right then the two of them had earned their first decent food in days. Ramen, of course.

When the night arrived and we bid our farewells to Naruto before going back to our hotel room, I still had no idea how to distance myself from the hyperactive brat. Getting to bed with a particularly clingy Karin, I couldn't bring myself to care overly much.

I hate perverts. I super hate super perverts. And there's a special place in hell where Jiraiya will be sent to after Pein kills him. That is, if I don't get to him first.

Okay, it's probably not that bad, but I still didn't take it kindly when he was caught spying on the onsen Karin and I were soaking in that morning. He also gave me the perfect excuse to avoid Naruto for the remainder of the month, as he'd just become his teacher. That earned him a wooden bucket right between the legs, never let it be said I'm not a thankful person.

Karin still met with him a lot outside training, but I begged off. Naruto went as far as to call me an oddball, but I'm sure Karin at least caught on something going on. Well, she never really got around asking, so I didn't have to lie to her.

And like that, one day after another, it finally came the time for the finals. Karin was so excited about seeing her cousin fight that it was impossible to share a bed with her so, after futilely trying for a while, I left for the red light district, where I very pointedly spend the night drinking myself silly in a very visible place and then let myself get dragged to a ratty motel to sleep it off, where I overslept and missed the whole thing.

There were some overtures toward my person, but nobody attempted to take advantage of me so I guess that's a point for Konoha. Or maybe just luck. Yeah, probably just luck.

In any case, my brilliant plans were cut short when a Sound-nin bursted into my room as soon as the invasion alarms blared. The fight was absurdly hard and I could only curse my luck at meeting who apparently was the only non-incompetent Sound nin in the world. I mean, the Sound Four were supposedly the creme of the creme, and a bunch of genin kicked their asses, feh.

When I finally slit his throat, the room was a mess, and I had cuts and wounds everywhere. I couldn't have staged it any better. With the expertise of years of practice, I unsealed a corpse from one of my scrolls, sealing the man in its place. After placing the new body against a wall, I took a good look at it.

It was a young woman with approximately my body structure and a somewhat similar hair. Nobody would confuse her for me, and a basic autopsy would reveal the underdeveloped chakra coils of a civilian, but nothing of that mattered.

Because I set her on fire.

Burn baby burn.

Where did I get a civilian corpse you ask? Who are you, the police?

Then, making sure nobody had the free time to pay attention to me, I got into the shared bathroom (ratty motel, remember?), where I unceremoniously cut down my ponytail and tortured my remaining hair with chemicals that I'm pretty sure were against the Geneva Convention until it became wavy and lively, shining in a healthy golden. A pair of contacts painted the grey of my eyes a crystal blue, and a frilly blue dress Ran would never be caught alive wearing gave the finishing touches to my plan.

Shimada Ran was dead, she was killed during the Sound and Sand combined invasion to Konoha.

I was now Alice Margatroid, soon to be known as the Seven-Coloured Puppeteer.

Leave me alone, fuuinjutsu and puppeteering go hand in hand and are of the few ninja arts you can practice behind closed doors.

Plus, I used to like Alice Margatroid a lot, enough to want a try at being her. My future looked, if nothing else, interesting.

I mixed with the first bunch of panicking foreign civilians, praying for the chakra suppression drugs I took to fool any guards standing in our way, and subtly implanted the idea of leaving Konoha as soon as possible into their brains. All subliminal messages, of course, can't cast Genjutsu while on drugs.

I wouldn't be seen again until the mess with the Stone of Gelel.

Still, letting Karin believe I was dead until I was ready to make an appearance was going to be a bitch.

I knew this wasn't the ideal time to leave Karin out of my sight. Konoha was going to face some unrest, that with Sarutobi's death and the change of Hokage and all that. But I was reasonably sure it was still safe. I mean, there was a very slight chance Danzo tried to get his grubby paws on her, even if she was too old to be reprogrammed. But every option I could think of comes with risks, and this was the plan with the best chance of success.

There was no way she would return to Kusa, so hopefully Naruto would make sure she didn't leave the village and she wouldn't end up as Orochimaru's pawn again.

He better.

Or else.

[The End]

Seven Colours (Naruto)

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