Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters in the Harry Potter books or...
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
User | Total |
---|---|
Starfox5 | 45 |
The concept, though cliche, is definitely one of those that's cliche for a good reason. It's a lot of fun to have to characters who dislike/distrust one another forced to rely on another and then snark their way through the story with rising sexual tension.
The problem is often, as is the case here, that neither of your protagonists are likeable. They both come off as absolute wankers, and so it's difficult to get invested. They both need to be likeable for this to work, and whatever is the cause of their mutual animosity, it needs to be shown early and explained throughout the story, sorta of getting unwound as they get to know each other.
By likeable, I don't mean good people, though it's Harry and Hermione, so they should be. Hannibal in the TV show is very likeable. He's a cannibal serial killer, yes. But he's also polite, cultured, handsome. He makes art. He quotes poetry. He has friends, of a sort. More than anything, he's proactive. I think Brandon Sanderson has a whole class on the subject of making characters relatable on YouTube. If my explanation makes no sense, I warmly recommend it.
If you want a good example of two people who are deeply antagonistic, but also have great chemistry and sexual tension, and who over the course of the novel get over things, I suggest Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. The two main characters start off hating each other's guts, with good reason, but learn why over the course of the story.
Although, I think, based on another reader's feedback, their perception by the reader is also influenced by the fact that they are seen through a very biased POV half the time. Harry and Hermione pretty much assume the worst of each other.
That came across quite clearly, I feel.
On the other hand, we have to take it on faith that there's more to them than what the other sees, that they're good people worth getting invested into... Outside our extradiegetic expectations.
As an example, harry's refusal to spoil Ron& lavender's dating? Good point for Harry, lessened by his own pov revealing that it's at least partially to spite 'Granger' by not being the bad guy.
It's not just that they see each other under a bad light, they actively make each other worse. I'm not sure that any Hermione pov was not about being negative toward Harry in some way, from what I read.
Edit: thanks for sharing another of your stories, which seems the main point I was forgetting
Chapter 2: The Beach
...
In the Romanian Dragon Sanctuary where Ron's brother Charlie worked.
So I just found this, and I have to be honest, normally either I love your stories, or can't get into them at all.
This one is a middle ground so far? I love the idea of half trained (magic)schoolyard rivals forced to come together in the mutual goal of not becoming an entree to whatever evil / monsters have befallen africa. Lord of the flies + Tomb Raider + HP, all seems magical to me!
Maybe my issue is because you've gone straight into the action while we've mostly seen the bad sides of our heroes.
As the other commenter said, we know H+H, so these seem like less likeable versions of themselves, particularity compared to some of the more affable version you've written before.
I'm sure given another couple chapters they'll grow on us as we see their softer (bad choice of words for a survival situation ) sides, but we could maybe have done with some more ?character building? given this rivalry is quite the departure from their normal characterisations.
Either way, watched and awaiting more.
This would probably only add fuel to the fire, but I want to see who blinks first and tries to bury the hatchet.
Because from what I'm feeling now, that would only lead to an escalation as it gets thrown back in their face leading to some truly juicy drama! It seems like such a fun avenue of character exploration I almost don't want them to become buddy buddy!
Hate-snuggles for warmth in a corner of a spike trap room while pretending not to appreciate being held is a mood.
The struggle of simultaneously wanting to see characters suffer and be treasured/nurtured >.<
For some reason I've convinced myself they're in some wizard's personal Jurassic Park. Not sure exactly what makes me think "dinosaur", but I'll be happy if it turns out I'm right. It feels like people lost in a hidden world should face dinosaurs, if half-remembered kid's films are anything to go by. (Were there dinosaurs in "journey to the centre of the earth"? I remember dinosaurs, regardless).
Loving the characterisation - they feel like themselves if they hadn't had to grow up so quickly. Looking forwards to the rest.
Hmmmmmmm.
So they're still in Britain?.....
Very interesting....
If Lilly's patronus couldn't find them, and we assume they have national range (original books and in this story from Godric's hollow to London), then we have to start assuming unplottable/fidelused/warded/freaky things are going on.
But most importantly of all they found somewhere warm and sunny in ENGLAND!
My God, this is a game changer
Alert the Queen!
Quite good chapter, loved that they're putting thoughts into finding good ideas to escape the predator ... and upstage one another ^^.
seriously, nice progression from the pure antagonism from the first chapters.
also interesting to note that Harry is not the parselmouth here, rose as GWL seems increasingly likely or it's even further AU than apparent.
As always, thanks for sharing.
Yeah, that's the hard part.Harry doesn't have the soul piece in his scar, nor does he have a scar, so no Parseltongue for him. The antagonism won't disappear too quickly, but they'll find more common ground - once they are listening to each other, instead of to their preconceptions.
The entire premise of this story have some serious lewd potential!
A shame that it is entirely SFW...
Still, good work on this one!
Damn Fake Dragon interrupt!!
We were finally getting somewhere with regards to god damned communication!!
Common ground, agreement, non-jinx based disagreement, politeness even!
I hope they flambe your scaly hide!
There is zero chance they pick up where this left off. Something or other will set them off again.
Also, loving the back and forth hormone hits to the brain, complete with misidentifying cues.
Boys who think they're hot shit and completely misidentifying real attention.
Name a more iconic duo!
Thanks! Fixed that. And yes - realising that Mum and Dad won't come save them is not a nice thing to happen to Harry.And now the penny drops : they're stranded and no one knows where they are. Won't that be fun to deal with...
BTW : you need to threadmark chapter 1.
Flame freezing charm not taught early enough I guess?
I wonder if radiant heating / burning smoke falls under the umbrella of protection it offers?
I assume it must if that crazy witch had it done to her so many times.
Or she had some weird ideas on public masochism...