Suicidal Gamer

[Ihavethehighground]

First time posting on this site.
~~~

"Give me your hands, show me the door, I cannot stand, to wait anymore."

I sat on the edge of the bed and started tying the knot. I pinched the rope creating a singular bunny, then I looped the other end through the opening and pulled.

"Somebody said, be what you'll be, we could old and cold and dead on the sea."

Then I realized my blunder as I succeeded in creating a single knot but that was about it, I hadn't actually made an opening, and that was something that I needed for this particular endeavor.

"But I love you more than words can say."

My hand glowed a low-intensity blueish color as I let it hover over the rope, and in a flash of light the knot disappeared and the rope itself reverted to how it was just a few minutes ago.

*Ding*
[Skill {The Clock winds Back} has leveled up!]

I promptly ignored the notification.

"I can't count the reasons I should stay."

I needed a running bowline, but I didn't know how to make one seeing as I don't have this world's equivalent of a smartphone on my person. So I resorted to just creating an opening that my head could fit through and then pulled the blowtorch I bought out of my inventory.

"Give me some more, time in a dream. Give me the hope, to run out of steam."

I flicked it on, feeling the heat radiating from the flame, and lowered it to the quadrupled braided rope, leaving it hovering a few inches above.

"Somebody said, it could be here, we could be roped up tied up dead in a year!"

Licks of sparks flew away from where I was burning the material, landing on the hardwood floor and yet not lighting a flame for some reason. Before I came up with this idea, I had thought about using fire, but then I remembered that fire is probably one of the worst routes I could take while going about this, so I refrained.

If this doesn't work out then maybe I'll give it a try.

"I can't count the reasons I could stay!"

After a few more seconds, keeping the blow torch near, it finally melded together. I put the torch back into my inventory and gave the rope and cautionary tug. I nodded to myself as I felt a good amount of resistance from it.

*Ding*
[You have created an item!]

The glowing blue transparent screen expanded.

++
Petty Rope!
Lv: 2
Durability: 10/10
Special ability: None
++

[Class skill {Novice Crafter} has leveled up!]

"One by one, they all just fade away."

I closed out the screen and shifted over, edging off the bed before landing on my feet with a light thud.

"I'm tired of the wait and sees. I'm tired of that part of me."

I walked over to the closet on the southern side of the room and grabbed a step stool from inside.

"That makes up a perfect lie. To keep us busy."

Tools in hand I made my way to the middle of the room and put the step stool down.

"But hours turn into days, so watch what you'll throw away!"

I then placed myself on it, standing right under the steel fan rope in my left hand.

"And be here to recognize, there's another way."

I eyed the area above with a critical gaze, and let the rope sway back and forth.

"Give me some more, time in a dream. Give me the hope, to run out of steam."

With all the strength this petite body could muster I let it fly up, and a smile came to my face as the open-ended section tied around the pole holding the fan up.

*Ding*
[By sheer luck you have gained a new skill! Narrowing your gaze and letting your weapon fly you have gained the ability to {Sling}]

"Somebody said, it could be here, we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year."

I took the open portion of the rope and put my head through it, struggling a little bit but managing to just barely get through.

"But I love you more than words can say, I can't count the reasons I should stay."

I took a deep breath, my smile getting wider and wider as I put my hands on the item of my delivery.

"One by one they all just fade away."

With a grunt of effort, I put a foot forward and then kicked back.

"Oh I love you more than words can say."

As the words left my mouth, the step stool flew in the opposite direction and my body shook as I slumped down, feeling the rope constrict around my throat as the air was forced out of my lungs in an instant.

[Notice! You are under the debuff Suffocation!]

The metal fan groaned loudly as my full weight pulled down on it, but it managed to only shift a little bit, littering the area around me with chips of paint and dust, as I choked at the lack of air filling my body.

[Notice! You have 25% HP remaining!]

My eyes started rolling into the back of my head as spots of black started appearing in my vision, the red of my health bar seated comfortably in the corner of my vision dipping down lower and lower as the seconds passed by.

[Notice! You have 10% HP remaining!]

My body jerked instinctively as the pain got more intense, trying to rip itself away from the item that was keeping me from taking a deep breath, despite my contentment with the situation.

[Notice! You have 1% HP remaining!]

Tears prickled the edges of my eyes as I smiled, finally feeling happy for the first time since--

[Notice! You have died!]

...

...

...

[Activating skill - The clock winds back!]

My body jerked around violently as my eyes snapped open. The metal fan whined as the metal was pulled beyond the threshold and with a pitiful groan, it snapped. My body lurched downward as I fell while the fan landed on the ground behind me with a loud thud.

Gasping for air as I clawed at my throat I glared at the screen.

[Skill {The Clock winds Back} has leveled up!]

"God fucking dammit."

 

[shakeval]

see, this is why you dont let no. Edgy emos have access to a system, they just leave us hanging

 

[Ihavethehighground]

It was nearing midnight by the time the door to our room opened. I didn't bother moving from my comfortable position, laying spread eagle on the ground, as I heard a sharp intake of breath from the suspect, no doubt amazed at the complete mess that used to be our shared room.

His gaze rotated around the room noticing the large spider-web ESC cracks in 3 out of the four walls, the huge hole in the ceiling where the metal fan used to hang, the pile of fluff, feather, and wood planks that used to be my bed, the shattered window letting a cool breeze fill the room accompanied with tiny shards of glass littering the floor, and the various scorch marks located in deviating positions all around the floor.

"You torched the room again?"

"Yep."

"Another failure?"

"Yep."

"Are you going to try again?"

"Yep."

He released a heavy sigh.

"Man, you really gotta get over it."

I gave the spot on the ceiling where the fan broke off a flat glare.

"I'll get over it when I'm dead."

He walks over to the only part of the room that was spared hurricane me and puts the collection of plastic bags down on his bed.

"You do know you're sleeping on the floor right?"

"It's whatever. I can just crash with the landlady, everyone in the complex knows what kind of...eccentric... tastes she has."

He snorts.

"Your funeral."

I incline my head slightly to look at him.

"Did you get the stuff?"

"If by "stuff" you mean, did I blow 25,000 Lien on random garbage that you probably won't even make use of, then yes. I did get the "stuff."

He digs into the bag, takes out a red, dimly glowing crystal, and tosses it to me.

I raise my arm off the floor and attempt to grab it out of the air, only to completely whiff. The crystal then sails past my hand, missing my arm by a wide margin and bouncing off the wall only to skip across the ground a few times and then finally drop into a very small, strangely dust Cyrstal-shaped, hole that led to the lower floor.

"...wow."

"Shut up." He grumbles, taking another crystal out of the bag and tossing it to me.

This time I did catch it.

'Observe'

+++
Processed Fire Dust
Debuff: Impure - 67%
Durability: 33/100
Description: A shard of fire dust that was combined with various other small quantities of ice dust meant to lower the quality and overall potency. This results in an increase in fire dust quantity when shipped out and allows each batch to be multiplied by 3 times.
+++

Jeeze.

I knew Jacque was a piece of shit, and I know that the Schnees have the monopoly on dust in all of Atlas but what the hell is this? Money is cool and all, but knowingly weakening the very soldiers meant to protect them from the man-eating monsters all for an extra 10 bucks is one of the dumbest things I've ever witnessed. Hell, If I didn't know any better I'd think he was working for the white witch herself.

"What do you even need fire dust for anyway?"

"Lightsabers."

He stopped digging into the bag for components to look at me strangely.

"The hell is a lightsaber?"

"A plasma sword."

"The hell is plasma?"

Oh right. I forgot this world is so reliant on dust crystals that they never bother to explore alternate paths of energy or expand upon the fourth and fifth states of matter for that fact. When I came here, I was surprised that the disparity between earth and remnants technology is actually a lot less wide than I thought it would be, and if anything earth has them beat in scientific theory, mostly because we don't have the cheat mineral that is elemental magic given crystalline form and we actually have to work for our advancements.

Or rather if they do know what plasma is, then Atlas is doing what Atlas does best and keeping a monopoly on information about it. Fucking pricks.

That, or maybe he's just a hick.

"It's like fire but...more."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Neither do lightsabers."

He just rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, I'm going to bed."

He grabbed the remaining bags and tossed them over to me before sneaking under the covers.

"Night Jaune."

"Good night Noir."

 

[Ihavethehighground]

I spent the next few hours laying on the ground staring blankly at the ceiling, wondering why I was put here just to suffer before I finally decided to do something with the life that I would find a way to end sooner or later.

I sat up and crossed my legs over one another and reached for the bag closest to me. Nabbing it, I flipped the bag upside down and heard a series of metallic clatters as the contents were emptied all over the floor.

I did that same thing to the other 6 bags until everything big and small was scattered randomly across the floor in front of me.

'ID, Empty warehouse'

The world around me slowly broke down into tiny green blocks that faded to the left and right of vision leaving nothing but a black void in its wake, and after everything went black, the blocks came back one by one visually swapping colors and pallets until the world recreated itself with a constant shade of green and I was left sitting in a barren warehouse with all the stuff Jaune bought.

"Alright, let's see what we got."

Pile of wheat thread?

Check.

Spool of copper wire?

Check.

Metal plates?

Check.

Fire and gravity dust?

Check.

Micropower tools?

Check.

Power source?

Not check.

"Shit."

*Ding!*

+++

Quest alert!

Oh no! You seem to be missing a few key components for your project! You are too broke to buy the necessary parts so why not go down to the local white fang warehouse and liberate some of the stolen technology? It's not breaking and entering if you are beating the shit out of some filthy terrorists in the process.

Clear condition - Clear out a white fang warehouse

Reward - [1000 EXP] - [100$] - [Power cell 5x] - [+50 reputation with organization {Vale police department}] - [+20 fame]

Failure - [-20 fame] [-50 reputation with organization {White Fang}]

+++

Wow, what great timing this was. The exact rewards that I desired at this current moment plus a little extra on the side, with the added bonus of allowing me to beat up a bunch of totally guilty criminals that are threatening peace justice, and the great Ameri-- I-I mean vale. They are threatening the great people of Vale. That's what I mean.

Not doing it though.

I wave away the quest screen, letting it condense itself into an openable tab on the left side of my vision just in case I ever want to revisit it.

Instead, I reach over and grab 30 inches worth of wheat thread wire, a gravity dust shard, and two fire dust crystals.

Letting my hands go through the motions I wrap one end of the thread around a shard of gravity dust and without a second thought, I open up my mouth and shove the entire thing down my throat.
Only for it to not go down all the way.

[Notice! You are under the Debuff - suffocating!]

I would let myself choke on the crystal right now but that wouldn't kill me. The rope and fan proved that suffocation wasn't a viable way to go, so instead, I clench my fist and punch the top half of my neck as hard as I can forcing the crystal down my gullet.

There was a brief feeling of my insides being lit aflame before the shard dropped down into my stomach letting me greedily gulp in large amounts of air only to go a bit too fast and accidentally choke.

[Notice! You have lost 500 HP! And are under the debuff internal bleeding!]

"Fuockh, hat aay urts." I blinked away the tears in the corner of my eyes as I coughed and hacked out open air, the cord creating a constant pressure in my neck.

I could feel the dust floating in the stomach acid within me, and there was a feeling of budding pressure building up inside my gut.

Ignoring all that I grabbed picked up a piece of fire dust in both hands and held them near the other end of the thread sticking out of my mouth.

Remembering that one video of that guy smashing two rocks together to make fire, I repeated the motions with the fire dust, creating small sparks that flickered off around the impact point completely missing the thread.

I think I went at this for at least 5 minutes before I finally got it lit.

"Huuaa!" I cheered with no small amount of joy as I dropped the dust and, with barely constrained glee, I watched the fire travel up the thread, burning it as it did, and finally disappear in my mouth.

Then I waited.


Then I waited.


Then I waited.


Then I waited.


The noise came first with a thunderous sonic boom. My ears gushed an ocean's worth of blood as my eardrums were shattered by the noise, the sound barrier being completely shattered by the ignition of the gravity dust, sending everything around it flying past Mach 1 speeds.

Then came the pain, though it was brief. There was a small period of time when I felt like every nerve within me was being electrocuted with thousands upon thousands of volts of lightning before everything went black.

[You have died!]

...

...

...

[Activating skill - The clock winds back!]

When I came to the warehouse was nowhere to be seen. Instead, I was sitting criss cross apple sauce in a large crater 50 diameters across, there was blood all over the place, painting the ground with crimson stain, though any organs could not be identified as they were probably disintegrated by either the impact or the force at which they were thrown.

Either way, everything in sight was a strange mix of grey and red.

I let out a sigh while grabbing a pen and notebook out of my inventory.

"Seems like blowing myself up from the inside didn't work either."

I capped the pen after writing down the results of my experiment and noted with some measure of amusement that I was nearing page 69.

"Heh."

*Ding!*

+++

Quest alert!

Oh no! You seem to be missing a few key components for your project! You are too broke to buy the necessary parts so why not go down to the local white fang warehouse and liberate some of the stolen technology? It's not breaking and entering if you are beating the shit out of some filthy terrorists.

Clear condition - Clear out a white fang warehouse

Reward - [1000 EXP] - [100$] - [Power cell 5x] - [+50 reputation with organization {Vale police department}] - [+20 fame]

Failure - [-20 fame] [-50 reputation with organization {White Fang}]

+++

I read over the quest for the second time, then shrugged.

"Meh, why not. Got nothing better to do."

 

[Nicohals J Westerberg]

I dont know. But i love this

 

[pingas plight]

I've only seen 1 other fic that did a suicidal Isekai while keeping that desire as a core trait & goal.

 

[Ihavethehighground]

'Exit ID'

The space around me twisted and turned every which way leaving me with a nauseating visage of a twisted world as my own body started deforming along with everything else. 'Fuck is this what spaghettification is like?' The world then thinned down to a very slim string that encompassed all of my current reality, myself included, and then with an audible "Pop" everything went back to normal and I was back in the room still sitting on the ground.

"Uggh, that was freaky" I groaned and rubbed my head to ease an oncoming headache. "Welp, time to..." I paused mid-sentence as I just now noticed that all my materials were blown away when I detonated. "Fuck."

Guess I'll add another thing to the list.

With a soft groan, I pushed off the ground and rose to my feet. Letting my stubby limbs carry me over to the closet that was spared my earlier wrath I open the door and pick out some basic all-black clothing for stealth reasons. A black long sleeve T-shirt, with some black sweat pants and a pair of black and blue shoes to finish the look. It won't make me invisible to anywho who is looking around even a little extra carefully, but it'll make sure to keep me hidden for a bit.

"Now that I have the fit it's time to check the stats"

'Status'

<=========>
Name: Black Noir
Age: 17
Titles: Venus Blaster/Deathless bastard/Lazy fucker/Mad
Fame: 37

Race: Human Male
Flaw: Child-like
Lv: 13
EXP: 231/1350
Class: Novice Crafter
Class Lv: 4

HP: 6762
AP: 3066
SP: 1400

STR: 17
CON: 92
DEX: 36
INT: 29
WIS: 22
LUC: 3

Status Points: 65
Money: 11$
<=========>

I have quite a few stat points, don't I?

It would be a good idea to do something with them wouldn't it?

65 points would be just enough to elevate at least one of my statuses to senior huntsman level, it wouldn't be to the level of STRQ or Ace ops because they are simply a different breed (aside from my CON because in that case I am built different) but it would still be pretty strong overall for this world.

Not a bad thought I guess, but do I want to do that?

I could always train up those stats to the max and then use the points, but why in Oums name would I ever want to do that? Me? Train? Me? Expend more than the minimum amount of effort for any task that doesn't interest me? Ha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fuck that noise.

But! It's too early to jump the gun.

I should think about it from a logical standpoint.

Is spending my stat points before I head into a den of hyper-idealist fascists a good idea?

Yes.

Will I die a horrible death if I don't?

One can only hope.

Will I be captured and tortured if I fail this quest, my body never to be found until they get tired of me, in which case my mangled and unrecognizable form will show up on the 7 0 clock news as a warning to the good citizens of this city to be wary of the white fang and Fanus in general, lowing the already low level of trust the people already have toward those animal featured freaks?
most likely.

Do I ultimately care?

No.

Being a cheapskate it is!

With a plan (Not really) of action in mind, I headed out of our room and into the hallway, where I made my way through the building till I reached the reception area, which was entirely empty. I found it weird that the landlady wasn't up when she is normally always manning the desk regardless of the time of day, but I didn't pay it more than a passing thought before I headed out into the dead of night.
I was met with the biting sensation of the cold crisp winter air smashing against my face. I took a deep breath and let it go, watching as a cloud of white fluff escaped my lips and was washed away in the night.

"Yeah, fuck this."

I then turned my ass around and headed back inside. Walked up the stairway and through the hallway back to my room, where I opened up the door, headed over to the closet, and picked out a heavy winter coat that when worn by me dropped down to my ankles. Then! I went back outside, passing the various crookedly formed and half-baked paintings that lined the walls, and met the cold head-on. I smiled as the coat did its work and protected me from the cold, keeping my body safe and warm, and although it was a bit trying attempting to go down the stairs I would rather break my neck after a fall than suffer the winter's wrath.

I was about to take a step but then I remember something.

Why be a cheapskate, when you can be rich?

'Dump all status points into Luc'

*Ding*

+++

New skill acquired!

= Luck of the draw LV1 - Every 24 hours the user can flip a coin and increase one of their attributes by 1 if it lands on heads, and 2 if it lands on tails.

New Perk acquired!

It's your lucky day! - When in need the world at large will shift ever so slightly in favor of the user to allow for solutions or variables to come into play that otherwise would never.

+++

"Ohh that's pretty nice." I figured that when I reached a certain threshold I would get a new skill or perk because the same thing happened when CON hit 50 but I didn't expect to get two of them at the same time. Wow, is my increased Luc already playing its hand? Nice.

And while the skill would be useful if I cared about raising my status, I'm much more interested in the perk, because the description makes me think this perk borders on reality manipulation on the planetary scale, and if that is so, then that means that I basically have Plotus armonius right now.

Or in a lame man's terms, I have taken the protagonist's plot armor for my own.

"Hey, you! Did you drop this Lien card?"

See? It's already working its magic.

I turn in the direction of the voice with a flourish of my heavy winter coat showing off my magnificence and grace, to the utter peasant that called out to me.

"Yes indeed, I a-"

*Bang*

I heard it first, then I saw the flash of light from the barrel of the gun, and finally, I felt the bullet drill through my skull and put my brain through the blender, mushing, mixing, and ultimately annihilating my brain and painting the concrete below me with grey matter and small rivers of blood.

Right, I forgot that this is the bad part of vale.

"Sh-

Then everything went black.

...

...

...

[Activating skill - The clock winds back!]

"-It"

[Skill {The Clock winds Back} has leveled up!]

Huh...I think this is the first time I died and it wasn't actually my fault.

Feels weird, feels...wrong.

"What the fuck!" The guy who was trying to disrobe me screamed out in fright as my eyes snapped open and locked onto his body.

And you.

The old balding man who shot me and was trying to rob me stumbled back in shock and fear as I came back from the dead, dropping his crude and rusty pistol and falling on his lanky and boney ass with an audible crack from the bone and a pained groan from him, giving me the chance to take my trusty blow torch out of my inventory, flick it on, and burn his fucking face off!

[Gamers mind in effect!]

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" He let out a blood-curdling scream as the concentrated stream of fire melted away his scum-sucking eyeballs, his dumpster diving skin, and then surrounded his head in a cone of fire where I kicked him on his back, leaving him to scream voicelessly as that was melted too where he was left writhing in pain for a few seconds before his body went limp and he finally died.

[+11 EXP]

[New title acquired! Petty]

"No kills me, but me fucker."

Plus! The asshole made my skill level up again! Now it's gonna be even harder to find a permeant solution to my current predicament.

'Ughh skills' I moaned internally as I walked over to the headless corpse and started digging through the dead man's pockets. Hey, it's not grave robbing if there is no grave right?

+++++

[Skills]

=(A)= Analyze LV 34 - A poor mans observe that only works on inanimate objects. Cost 11AP/Use

=(A)= Fuge LV 14 - Legos. Cost 23SP/Sec

=(P/A)= The clock winds back LV 69 - The user can create a small localized bubble with varying sizes in space where the flow of time is reversed. [Added effect!] If the user dies, this skill will automatically bring them back to life by reversing time on their body!

=(P)= Gamers Body LVMAX - The user's current reality is that of a nonstandard RPG game, where health is measured by HP, overall strength by level, and where physical and metaphysical attributes are quantified. [Added effect!] Sleeping in a bed will reset the user's health to full and erase all debuffs.

=(P)= Gamers Mind LVMAX - A twin skill to the {Gamers Body} that keeps the user's mental state stable for as long as the user is alive. The skill, however, will not dispel illusions or fake realities, it will only keep the user's emotions in check.

=(P)= Fortress LV 48 - Gained when the user hits 50 with CON, this skill increased HP by 48% and HP/AP Regen speed by 24%

=(P)= Sling LV1 - Ride em Cowboy! Yeehaw!

+++++

Heh...69.

 

[T. Nova]

None kills me but me fucker! Hahahahahaha this is amazing.
I really like mentality MC has, it is unique.

Mostly of what I read MC was self sacrificing righteous "hero" (I really don't like this type, always self righteous and preachy)

Then there are selfish "grey" that care about themselves and those close to them (these i like the most, they have most of the time realistic personality and their reasons are more personable.)

Last ones that come across and are in minority are fucked up "villains" that revel in causing pain and suffering (these i don't read.)

Btw, completely random rant aside I like this fanfic and can't wait for more!

 

[ArcaneReader]

Wait is he trying to kill himself because he got a skill that stops him from dying? Also holy shit that seems stupidly broken.