The Cookie Gamer (Oneshot)

[YiteWrite]

Cookie Clicker Gamer.

David Dough. The Cookie Gamer.

I was just minding my fucking business, crossing the road when the little man went green, when I was hit by a god damn horse.

I don't even know how the fuck a horse got there, only that I was the poor sod who was crushed under its hooves... then when I somehow survived that, the wheels of the carriage it was carrying crushed my skull to little more than paste.

How do I know that the carriage crushed my head to paste? Well, that's because I became some sort of fucking ghost, and was just... staring at my body.

"AAAAAH!!!"... and there's the screaming. I mean... I was in a fairly public place, when I was crossing the road... but man, that chick had a pair of lungs on her... and an even better pair of tits.

But I couldn't look at that incredible pair for long, as I found myself flying to... a... kitchen?

WELCOME USER, TO THE COOKIE SYSTEM.

...What?

YOU MUST BAKE COOKIES, TO GAIN EXP, TO BAKE MORE IMPRESSIVE COOKIES.

NOW BAKE. THE FOUNDERS REQUIRE COOKIES FOR THEIR PARTY.

As I was ruminating in my confusion, as to just who The Founders were... a baking tray, and the ingredients for some classic chocolate chip cookies appeared in front of me.

I went to leave the kitchen, via the door... only to find it locked.

YOU CANNOT LEAVE UNTIL YOU BAKE.

...Fucking, fine.

Fine! I'll bake the best damn cookies in your life!

I got to making the chocolate chip cookies, only to find a little black-haired girl staring at me, as I was in the middle of it.

"Uh... hi, little girl" I said, continuing to make the cookies, not letting this child distract me from my freedom.

"Cookies. Now" The girl said, as she stared at the cookie dough I was currently making.

"I, uh... haven't finished? Are you one of The Founders?" I asked, slowing down in my stirring.

"No. Make Cookies Faster" The girl said, before suddenly vanishing.

...Okay, that's fucking weird. But, I'm a ghost making cookies... can't really complain that much.

I continued to stir the cookie dough, until it was just right, and put them in the oven.

...Literally a second later, the oven 'dinged' and the cookies were ready.

...Then, they just vanished into thin air.

YOU HAVE GAINED 10 EXP FOR MAKING "CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES".

COOKIE GAMER: 10/100 EXP TO NEXT LEVEL.

THE FOUNDERS ARE PLEASED WITH YOUR OFFERING.

MAKE MORE.

I'm going to be stuck here forever, aren't I?

YES. YOU ARE.

 

[Scarecrow_321]

I'm quite interested into this blowing up into a full on story cause its hilarious

 

[CmirDarthanna]

If he can automate it he'd be leveling up so explosively other gamers are gonna be jealous. After he spends multiple sleepless nights trying to get the ball rolling that is.

 

[Birthday8080]

I got to making the chocolate chip cookies, only to find a little black-haired girl staring at me, as I was in the middle of it.

"Uh... hi, little girl" I said, continuing to make the cookies, not letting this child distract me from my freedom.

"Cookies. Now" The girl said, as she stared at the cookie dough I was currently making.

"I, uh... haven't finished? Are you one of The Founders?" I asked, slowing down in my stirring.

"No. Make Cookies Faster" The girl said, before suddenly vanishing.

Click to shrink...

Ophis

 

[Mystletainn]

I'm quite interested into this blowing up into a full on story cause its hilarious

Click to shrink...

Indeed.

It was quite short, but had so many potential direction to go for. Typical gamer munchkin where he save the day by using skills that he use to make cookies (e.g. Clone technique to simultaneously make different variants of cookies, Flame technique to bake large amount of cookies without oven), Xianxia-esque where the MC cultivate the Dao of Baking and traversing the world to collect the ingredients (Making cookies with ridiculous quality by using thousand years old plants), Slice-of-life travel through the multiverse to share his wonderful cookies with so many fictional characters (Opening a cookie shop that can connect to different worlds), etc.

Of course, there's always the option to go with plain ol' nonsensical crack...Perhaps somehow involving a certain racoon

 

[CmirDarthanna]

Xianxia-esque where the MC cultivate the Dao of Baking and traversing the world to collect the ingredients (Making cookies with ridiculous quality by using thousand years old plants), Slice-of-life travel through the multiverse to share his wonderful cookies with so many fictional characters (Opening a cookie shop that can connect to different worlds), etc.

Click to shrink...

The Toriko universe and The Far Lands would be the best choice for ingredient procurement.

 

[Biigoh]

racoon

Click to shrink...

Tanuki are innocent. Raccoons... Not so much.

 

[GoldenSimian]

Wacky concept. I was left wanting more by the end.

 

[Gindjurra]

I'm going to be stuck here forever, aren't I?

YES. YOU ARE.

Click to shrink...

So basically he has been sent to Hell, either because evil beings have hijacked his soul or because he's a very bad person. But we're given so little data on life history that we cannot figure out if he's a justly damned soul or not. Were it me, I'd simply refuse to play, possibly declare myself on strike, if all I knew about myself and the 'game' were limited to what we were shown.

 

[ArsMagna1337]

Tap the cookie... DO IT NOW.

 

[YiteWrite]

Still my best fic, to date.

 

[Hotzenplotz888]

I DEMAND MOAR!!!1

Seriously, this story has a great premise/promise.

 

[Rubén Martínez]

I propose an idea for an expansion:

The founders start to complain about he being too slow making cookies, so he manages to get of them some help, like "Magical hands" (clicking fingers), and "Undead nearly-dead helpers" (grandmothers), until he reachs an automation level big enough to satisfy then, and he can leave the kitchen into another world(s).

Watch our isekai hero/villian save/conquer the world with his army of hands and grandmas, build his churches and banks, archemical labs and fractal engines, until he manages to warp reality and stuff full into a sugar come the Elder Gods themselves.

Can crossover with any other series with the right powerlevels: Worm, School DxD, etc.