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The Cookie Gamer (Oneshot)

Do you want a Cookie?

  • Yes.

    Votes: 78 88.6%

  • No. (Heretic)

    Votes: 10 11.4%
  • Total voters
    88
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Cookie Clicker Gamer.

David Dough. The Cookie Gamer.

I was just minding my fucking business...
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The Cookie Gamer
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    • YiteWrite

    YiteWrite

    TALI ASS TALI ASS TALI ASS
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    Cookie Clicker Gamer.

    David Dough. The Cookie Gamer.

    I was just minding my fucking business, crossing the road when the little man went green, when I was hit by a god damn horse.

    I don't even know how the fuck a horse got there, only that I was the poor sod who was crushed under its hooves... then when I somehow survived that, the wheels of the carriage it was carrying crushed my skull to little more than paste.

    How do I know that the carriage crushed my head to paste? Well, that's because I became some sort of fucking ghost, and was just... staring at my body.

    "AAAAAH!!!"... and there's the screaming. I mean... I was in a fairly public place, when I was crossing the road... but man, that chick had a pair of lungs on her... and an even better pair of tits.

    But I couldn't look at that incredible pair for long, as I found myself flying to... a... kitchen?

    WELCOME USER, TO THE COOKIE SYSTEM.

    ...What?

    YOU MUST BAKE COOKIES, TO GAIN EXP, TO BAKE MORE IMPRESSIVE COOKIES.

    NOW BAKE. THE FOUNDERS REQUIRE COOKIES FOR THEIR PARTY.

    As I was ruminating in my confusion, as to just who The Founders were... a baking tray, and the ingredients for some classic chocolate chip cookies appeared in front of me.

    I went to leave the kitchen, via the door... only to find it locked.

    YOU CANNOT LEAVE UNTIL YOU BAKE.

    ...Fucking, fine.

    Fine! I'll bake the best damn cookies in your life!

    I got to making the chocolate chip cookies, only to find a little black-haired girl staring at me, as I was in the middle of it.

    "Uh... hi, little girl" I said, continuing to make the cookies, not letting this child distract me from my freedom.

    "Cookies. Now" The girl said, as she stared at the cookie dough I was currently making.

    "I, uh... haven't finished? Are you one of The Founders?" I asked, slowing down in my stirring.

    "No. Make Cookies Faster" The girl said, before suddenly vanishing.

    ...Okay, that's fucking weird. But, I'm a ghost making cookies... can't really complain that much.

    I continued to stir the cookie dough, until it was just right, and put them in the oven.

    ...Literally a second later, the oven 'dinged' and the cookies were ready.

    ...Then, they just vanished into thin air.

    YOU HAVE GAINED 10 EXP FOR MAKING "CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES".

    COOKIE GAMER: 10/100 EXP TO NEXT LEVEL.

    THE FOUNDERS ARE PLEASED WITH YOUR OFFERING.

    MAKE MORE.

    I'm going to be stuck here forever, aren't I?

    YES. YOU ARE.
     
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