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The Eldritch Blurb Place

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While many doubt me, I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Shall do what no necromancer has done since the...
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The Fool of Death
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    • Ethan Eldritch

    Ethan Eldritch

    Multi-Dimensional Eldritch Tree
    Joined
    Feb 13, 2020
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    While many doubt me, I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Shall do what no necromancer has done since the days of the great Liches of times long past. I will breathe life into an undead once more!

    I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Go to Body Bazar Ave. to acquire the components to create the form of my living zombie. I then think, where is the best Corps Costco? Ah ha, after 2 hours of wandering, I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Having completed my task and using my bulk coupon to harvest the best parts of fifteen bodies and after hiring a Flesh-crafter to put the body together using my awesome might to make the parts whole, I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Can finally create the optimal host for my magnum opus!

    Now that I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Have created the optimum form for my creation (with no help, of course).
    I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Shall endeavor to gather the best necromantic regents and ritual catalyst I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! I can acquire within the week at the local Reanimation-Mart. Having completed my arduous journey to Reanimation-Mart, I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Grab my coupon book and dive into the perilous world of discount magi-shopping combat.

    After I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING'S! Epic quest at the Reanimation-Mart has finally gathered the reagents: the eye of an (Apus) unblinking Stargazer; the heart of a (baby) Sand Wurm, the blood of a (partly) damned Fae, and finally the catalyst, the most important piece of all, the tear of a dryad, all of which were purchased at 60% off to! After I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Set up the ritual and placed the body in the very center. I BOB THE MILDLY MENACING! Grabbed my tome containing my life's work, almost 30 years of vitamancy, animancy, and sacrificial magic research. And read the spell line manifesting said work "A halálból vissza a gyere, tled kérlek". The cave rumbled and the magical event glowed then *BOOM*! The ritual exploded in a burst of crimson and violet Essence intertwined and as the glow faded, the undead was standing there with glowing hazel eyes and a crooked grin (oh no what did I do) and it did something that I BOB THE MILDLY MENA-no Bob the fool could never imagine, It spoke and what it said would forever change the world. "The Fetid One rises once again!"
     
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    • So, does anyone have comments about the story? I am a new writer this is one of the very fist things I've ever published actually so any criticism would be helpful! Also anyone tell me if they want to see this continued, or is you could give me a writing prompt to work from ill do my best to work with one!
     
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    Ethan Eldritch said:
    So, does anyone have comments about the story? I am a new writer this is one of the very fist things I've ever published actually so any criticism would be helpful! Also anyone tell me if they want to see this continued, or is you could give me a writing prompt to work from ill do my best to work with one!
    Click to expand...
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    Its ok for the starter but do tone down the BOLD

    its continued use will make that has less impact and unnescessary
     
    Some notes for improvement:
    • Download Grammarly, which is useful for spellchecking. It's a free extension.
    • Don't post under 1000 words as people watching your thread will most likely not know you have posted.
    • Remember to use spacing, walls of text are boring.
    • Tags, add tags to allow a reader to know what sort of content you have posted. It might hook them it might turn them away. It allows you to show respect for your reader's time and energy.
      EG a tag like Neon Genesis Evangelion will turn me away(cause I don't know any of the setting or characters). But a tag like self-insert or wiki warrior will get me to watch the thread and then read the content.
    • Consider adding a summary about what sort of story this is at the top of the page. This allows you to hook your readers without them reading the whole post first. Very useful.

    Good luck.
     
    Stormbringer117 said:
    Some notes for improvement:
    • Download Grammarly, which is useful for spellchecking. It's a free extension.
    • Don't post under 1000 words as people watching your thread will most likely not know you have posted.
    • Remember to use spacing, walls of text are boring.
    • Tags, add tags to allow a reader to know what sort of content you have posted. It might hook them it might turn them away. It allows you to show respect for your reader's time and energy.
      EG a tag like Neon Genesis Evangelion will turn me away(cause I don't know any of the setting or characters). But a tag like self-insert or wiki warrior will get me to watch the thread and then read the content.
    • Consider adding a summary about what sort of story this is at the top of the page. This allows you to hook your readers without them reading the whole post first. Very useful.

    Good luck.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    This is Super helpful thanks! So, would it be to much to ask for a writing prompt to get my brain going doesn't even need to be more then five words.
     
    Ethan Eldritch said:
    This is Super helpful thanks! So, would it be to much to ask for a writing prompt to get my brain going doesn't even need to be more then five words.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...

    Off the top of my head, I'd recommend trying a Self-insert. Give the SI the choice of a devil fruit then isekai them to a setting. Keep in mind that a curb stomp is boring, so pick a setting with actual danger comparable to the power that the Devil fruit gives them.

    Also, keep the water weakness.

    Some ideas:
    • DC + Munch-Munch Fruit
    • MCU + Logia Fruit
    • Stargate + Time-Time Fruit
    • Elders Scrolls + Soul-Soul Fruit
     
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