This is inspired by The Great Lion by LargeFarva, an excellent fanfiction which unfortunately...
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
Yeah I have to agree with this dudeIt's all just summarized, is it gonna continue going like this?
This was a much better read than previous chapters.I still remembered the day, a fortnight prior, as I walked up the stairs to his uncle's solar.
I enjoyed "The Great Lion" by LargeFarva and am happy that you are writing some fiction in a similar vein even though it is eerily similar, borrowing whole cloth in certain places but I understand that you want to take that story in a different direction.
Plenty of readers have already indicated a very history textbook like retelling until your latest chapter but I'm happy with the change and can't wait for more.
My only wish is that you didn't stick so close to his trajectory like squiring for Tywin which I feel is not very useful but being his page does definitely work, having multiple instructors to round out his martial education makes Tywin look like he is creating a modern iteration of a super soldier and also sounds like a very modern notion of how a superhero rounds out his/her skills. A single, talented knight should be trained in most weapons and any esoteric skill the MC wants to pick up should be done on his own time and effort. Make him travel to Braavos and learn alongside the waterdancers because Westerosi knights do not respect their sword-play as much.
Technological uptick like designing ships and stuff seems really extreme. I think the MC inventing something should be a last resort and any technology raise should come from thieving knowledge from other countries like Myr for their crossbows and glass, summer islanders for their swanships, etc. Single-handedly bringing about a technological renaissance is full in my opinion.
Gerion's quest storyline- Please do something different from LargeFarva went about. I would have been really happy if you didn't go with the storyline at all but you've decided for it so I won't complain.
The MC seems to be just a bit too intelligent, creative and martially gifted at the same time. He is perfect and that takes away a lot from how he might potential navigate physical threats and politics. He stumps his Maester and has to get books shipped from the citadel seems really extreme to me but I do like the fact that the MC wants to take advantage of the faith for his own benefit.
You have a good command over your language and thus, I hope you deviate from his work a bit and make our MC a bit less perfect. But I must say, I like how you made him ambitious but also dislike how you made Tywin outright want to pass over Tyrion instead of debate it in his head, squeezing every advantage out of it like how LargeFarva did. Feels out of character for him to not be egotistical and close-minded, but rather so defeated. Tyrion's anger seems realistic for sure but would like to know how you might use him as a potential asset than alienate one of the smarter characters in the story and I'm looking forward to more chapters.
Please do not take any of my criticism to be a personal attack. I would love to read your story and just want to point out things I've observed and my desires in what I would like to see.
Considering his display of maritime knowledge (potentially indicating interest in the subject due to his notes for Gerion) I think that if he is to squire outside the main house, it should be to one of the houses along the shore- specifically ones with their own ports. Prester? Kenning? Farman?I understand your apprehension at his OPness, and I'll tone it down. I guess he can squire for Addam Marbrand.
Cerenna, the daughter of Stafford (Joanna's brother) is the one being married, not Lancel. He couldn't be married even if Tywin wanted to do so - he's only ten. There aren't any Marbrands for him to marry anyway, we literally only know of Addam and Damon from the main branch.Thanks for the chapter, but Tywin's actions have me scratching my head. I understand wanting to put down rumors, but he doesn't seem the kind of man to not acknowledge that there's a strong chance he might need Lancel as an heir, and if so marrying him off early in such a way makes little sense. There are less costly/permanent ways to quiet rumors, and I don't think he'd sabotage a future marriage option, especially given what happened with his sister Gemma.
You forgot to threadmarkI'm going to try a different writing style.
The Nineteenth Day of the Eighth Moon of 292 AC
I still remembered the day, a fortnight prior, as I walked up the stairs to my uncle's solar. The meeting ended up being far more friendly than I had anticipated - I was simply confirmed as my uncle's squire. Lord Tywin had never taken a squire before, having sent his son Jamie to Crakehall when he turned eleven to squire under Lord Sumner. This excited me, filled my father with pride and enraged cousin Tyrion, who was finally convinced that his father would rob him of his birthright and appoint another Lannister, one not even of his blood, as Lord of Casterly Rock and his heir. Most everyone else in the Rock, and throughout Westeros as news arrived, thought the same, though the Old Lion made sure that no Lannister spoke about it - he still held out hope that the Kingslayer would cast down the white and return to his place as the rightful heir. He would never do such a thing - though for different reasons than most people thought at the time.
Being Tywin's squire was very different to being his page, though not as I expected it. I wasn't given the regular duties of a squire - I didn't clean my uncle's armor or take care of his horses as servants had done that forever - but instead was put under a much more closely supervised tutelage. Maester Volarik was all but eliminated from my studies - the old man wasn't the brightest and was busy elsewhere - though Tywin did not interrupt my studies with the Rock's Septon, pleasantly surprised at my devoutness. While not religious himself, he came to the conclusion that at least I wouldn't become a sullen, drunken whoremonger like the Imp. Tywin, pushing on sixty, was woefully unable to train me, his new squire, and Ser Benedict alone wasn't enough for who could very well become the next Lord of Casterly Rock, and so he called for… reinforcements. These were as following:
Ser Addam Marbrand, a childhood friend of Ser Jaime Lannister and son and heir of Lord Damon Marbrand of Ashemark. Gallant and charming, with dark copper hair, Ser Adam is a daring and charismatic commander and leader of men, as well as a member of one of the few houses in the Westerlands that are proud of their First Men ancestry. He was made responsible for teaching me military command and how to fight with a sword and shield, as well as horsemanship, though the latter was scarcely necessary.
Ser Lyle Crakehall, the Strongboar, the middle son of Lord Roland Crakehall of the namesake seat. Big and strong with a booming voice, he is considered by Jaime Lannister to be one of the strongest men living in Westeros, though slower and less savage than the Hound. Not exactly the smartest man in Casterly Rock, though, not that such a trait is required of a knight. He was made responsible for teaching me how to use maces and double-handed weapons, as well as to beat me to the ground while sparring.
Vogano Sorros, a Braavosi Bravos, or water dancer, a tall, graceful and slender man with dark olive-colored skin and warm, brown eyes. Quite the noticeable figure amongst the blondes of Casterly Rock, he is one of the finest swordsmen I have ever seen, though with a unique fighting style very different to that practiced in Westeros amongst the Knightly class, almost alike to fencing as practiced back in Europe. With a narrow, very light sword, the style depends on agility, swiftness and complete command of one's movements - perfectly suited to the superior abilities my new life had provided me.
Xalantar Soxos, an exile from the Summer Isles, dark as ebony and with an extravagant feather cape, was once the son of a Prince from the island of Walano, before his house was defeated and he was forced to flee. One of the greatest archers in the known world, he cost a fortune to hire, like the Braavosi, and was brought specifically to make sure that I learnt bowmanship - by far my poorest skill.
Finally, Sandor Clegane, the Hound, one of the fiercest fighters in the Westerlands and a permanent resident at Casterly Rock ever since his brother Gregor took over their Keep. As the first adult I fought against, and a constant fixture on the sparring ground ever since, he was kept to maintain some semblance of continuity, as well as simply because he was available, and a fierce soldier to boot. He had no specific specialization, and was simply there to spar and protect me when I left the Rock, which was finally happening, though uncle Tywin had prevented such an occurrence for very long.
My days had been spent studying with Tywin and training with his instructors, and every single day over this past fortnight I stumbled back into my family's apartments exhausted, mentally and physically. Almost all of the little free time I still had was spent with my family at the insistence of my mother, though on many occasions I simply wished to collapse on my bed and fall asleep as soon as I arrived from my training.
Today, however, was different. When I walked down to the training field, dreading what the day would offer, as it was a Strongboar morning, instead of finding the oafish giant, I instead found the Hound awaiting me. The man walked towards me and said "boy, your uncle wants to see you. Follow me." I dutifully obliged - I had not yet been able to defeat the youngest of the Clegane brothers, though every day I was coming closer to doing so. I honestly had no idea what had changed - the schedule was clear, and I was only to report to my uncle's Solar after I had trained, ate and bathed. Not really paying attention to my surroundings, I was surprised to find myself descending steps instead of ascending them - wasn't Tywin's solar on top of a tower?
As we went deeper and deeper into the bowels of the Rock, the air became notably stuffier and a healthy dosage of stress started to kick in - I had never been comfortable inside closed spaces, though I had no idea why. The hound stopped in front of a door, and I almost kept on going but was stopped by his extended arm, hitting me in the chest and forcing me to involuntarily exhale. The Hound opened the door, and motioned me inside, saying "your Lord uncle has requested to meet with you alone." I walked in, and the Hound locked the door behind me. I was still carrying my sword, and put my hand on it instinctively, as I walked down the long, narrow corridor, a torch showing a flickering shadow of who I could only assume to be my uncle at the end. I had no idea what was going on - even though Tywin had a reputation of making lesser men wet themselves, it was never through ploys but primarily through his imposing presence and withering gaze.
I arrived at the door at the end of the corridor and creaked it open, seeing my uncle sitting on a comfortable chair, facing to the left, an identical seat opposite with a short table in the middle. "Sit", my uncle said, "We have much to talk about". As I followed his command, I looked up from the seating arrangement, looking out at a mine in operation, carts carrying ore being pulled by ponies and men with pickaxes hacking at the walls. As I sat down, my uncle finished his cup of what I could only assume to be Arbor Gold, before looking straight at me, his piercing eyes causing discomfort that I could only assume was visible. Still with his gaze fixed upon me, he spoke, "Look to your left", I followed his command as he continued, "What do you see?". "I see a mine", I replied. "Yes, I know you're not blind. I also thought you were intelligent, though I may have judged you poorly", the Old Lion responded, his gaze increasing in intensity. Steeling my nerves, I responded, "I can only assume this is a gold mine - after all, Casterly Rock has the largest reserves in Westeros, if not the known world. This is where the true power of House Lannister comes from, the ability to mine the universally agreed means of exchange, filling our coffers and making us the wealthiest house in Westeros. There are mines throughout the Westerlands, though none other than Castamere challenge our dominance, and everyone knows what happened to them." Tywin looked at me inquisitively, before asking, "You used the phrase 'means of exchange' instead of money, or wealth, or anything else. Why?"
Having known that he would answer that question, I quickly responded, "Gold itself has no value other than the fact that we consider it beautiful - it is of no use in armour or weapons nor does it play any crucial role in agriculture or the production of any necessary goods. It serves for nothing other than for decorative purposes - plates and regalia and the like - or as currency. It is simply its rarity, natural purity and strength against decay that makes it a useful currency. If people didn't think that gold has value, we would be as poor as a pauper." Tywin looked almost confused, though he quickly returned to his resting face, one overflowing with seriousness, moral strength and confidence. "I do believe you are right, nephew, though don't tell anyone else what you just said, as you might just lead us into bankruptcy." I noted his use of the word us - I had never seen him have a propensity for considering the family fortune something that belonged to anyone other than himself, even if only in condominium. "All of it might be yours someday, you know?", he said, as I pushed myself into a straighter position, noticeably shocked. "Oh please, it's not as if you haven't heard the whispers." he continued, "Everyone but the Imp thinks I should make you my heir - Jaime is tied to the notion of being a glorified bodyguard, Cersei is the Queen and I would rather see it all destroyed rather than pass Casterly rock off to that halfman and watch him turn it into a whorehouse." Tywin took a deep breath, before continuing, "You're only barely ten name-days old, but you are the best this house has to offer - intelligent, honorable and perhaps better than even my own son was at your age with lance and sword."
I struggled to form coherent sentences, so awestruck was I - but he gave me the mercy of not waiting for an answer. "Go back upstairs", he said. "Speak a word of this to anyone and I swear on the Old Gods and the New that I will make you become a Maester." Tywin threatened as I passed through the door, closing it behind me. In the dimly lit corridor, I slumped to the ground, resting there as I collected my thoughts. Once I deemed myself in a mental state solid enough to pass for normal, I walked down the corridor, opening the door at the end to find the Hound sitting down resting against the wall opposite me. As he got up, he asked, "What did your uncle want to talk to you about?". Knowing better than to ignore his question, I lied "He just wanted to reflect on this past fortnight." I swore I heard the man's eyebrows tighten, but he said nothing, and the Hound walked me back to my family's apartments, saying that I was released from training for today.
That was not what I had been expecting, at all.
{Rewritten}
that's a previous version of chapter 4.
The focus on first person has vastly improved the story.
Again, like some of the others above, I do have concerns about his physical and mental superiority, especially since he doesn't have the Super Soldier serum that LargeFarva gave his Lancel.
Still, this seems entertaining.
I look forward to see where this goes.
Also you got something wrong in this chapter Tywin is directly related to the Marbands his mother was from this house.Cerenna, the daughter of Stafford (Joanna's brother) is the one being married, not Lancel. He couldn't be married even if Tywin wanted to do so - he's only ten. There aren't any Marbrands for him to marry anyway, we literally only know of Addam and Damon from the main branch.
Also you got something wrong in this chapter Tywin is directly related to the Marbands his mother was from this house.
The segment that starts here needs to be broken up. Its a massive wall of text otherwise, and can be hard to read.
Sorry I didn't reply yesterday but i'm pretty sure Tytos and Jeyne got married when his older twin brothers were still alive.Tytos wasn't exactly known for making the most advantageous marriages. The heir to Ashemark has just enough stature to marry the first cousin once removed and goodniece of the Lord Paramount, but it's still a good deal for him.
Sorry I didn't reply yesterday but i'm pretty sure Tytos and Jeyne got married when his older twin brothers were still alive.