The New Abnormal (My Hero Academia/Celestial Mutation)

[Jagganoth]

Is anti-grav tank pitbull safe? Is it alright?

Also happy to see you rewriting this, the original was funny but after reading Ode to the nets and bite the curb eat the concrete you've definitely improved as an author. You also make me laugh. Stand proud, you were funny.

 

[CosmicBigfoot]

Btw can you link the sheet you use for the perks?

Click to shrink...

So when this first started it was just because I stumbled onto this random website that looked neat and had zero clue what any of this shit actually was. It's called Celestial Gambler and the only source option I have selected is Celestial Mutation, and the only sources from that source that I'm using are from Worm or MHA because the powers were the least wordy bullshit and their "power levels" were similar for each scale they were on. It's kind of one of those "early writer" things that got grandfathered into the new version.

 

[King Yama]

If you roll the Alexandria Package will you let Mc have it or re roll till you find a less broken power kek

 

[Phantom Thief Of Hearts]

Some things got dropped, some things stayed, and a few things got switched around. I'll say it right now that the Celestial Mutagen is basically just here as my go-to vending machine for plot beats to play with and that I'm not going to add that many powers to this fic. This version isn't going to be a "new power a day keeps the opps at bay." He'll probably get two-three quirks quickly, have those get fleshed out for a bit, and then I'll go from there.

Click to shrink...

As long as we keep Toru (and her firm, fat butt), the AI waifu (who may or may not be yandere because of the MC), and the MC being a video game programmer or any other profession in the plot (I laughed a lot when other characters tell the MC that he should be a pro hero and the MC tells them that he is not interested in a profession that is very saturated in the market and that he doesn't like the idea of wearing a colorful Spandex outfit ).

On the other hand, I'm curious to know what kind of rhyme this new version will take.

 

[Zerak]

So when this first started it was just because I stumbled onto this random website that looked neat and had zero clue what any of this shit actually was. It's called Celestial Gambler and the only source option I have selected is Celestial Mutation, and the only sources from that source that I'm using are from Worm or MHA because the powers were the least wordy bullshit and their "power levels" were similar for each scale they were on. It's kind of one of those "early writer" things that got grandfathered into the new version.

Click to shrink...

Had a look at them, and they are decently strong if he gets lucky. Even a few powers that allow multiversal travel (it's one of the first things I look for when I look at things like this).

 

[John123456789]

Glad to see this back in reboot form!

If he deluded himself into thinking the empty glass was half full of air, he could at least look at the silver lining

Click to shrink...

This was a hilarious line.

 

[Nicohals J Westerberg]

Oh wow! I'm glad you decided to rewrite this! I mean Everlong was pretty good too but a major thought I had over and over was how cool it would be if it wasn't a crack fic and so on! It's a really cool story you got going!

 

[Alessandro-B]

As long as we keep Toru (and her firm, fat butt), the AI waifu (who may or may not be yandere because of the MC)

Click to shrink...

Last i checked the AI was more of a daughter/kid to our mc than a love interest. (The AI literally called Nemuri her 'grandmother' after all.)

(If you are referring to the AI's existence rather than the belief she is a love interest then my mistake.)

 

[Doleful]

Really glad to see this get an update. I found the original on SB and read the entire thing in one sitting, so seeing a continuation is awesome.

Teto Bull will return, and those toddlers will know the pain of her thirty polygon hairdrills.

Click to shrink...

Teto Bull thirsts for blood. Nemuri needs the trauma of hearing a dog say "Milk" after it violently mauls a baby.

I want the running gag to not be "lmao, I did something goofy" but instead "that's not how it works, i hate that it works, i hate how well it works" with the underlying joke being "private labs are now using a program called Pit Bull Prison Daycare Simulator to test quantum physics simulations because for some reason the best physics software library on the market is welded onto a $5 prison management simulator."

Click to shrink...

I mean, this specific instance is a bit out there, but Worm Tinkers are inherently bullshit so it shouldn't be too hard to justify as long as you don't get too deep in the nitty gritty details. Unreal Engine is already used by robotics engineers for simulations so using space worm scifi magic to take it a step further isn't even too outlandish. If his personality remains similar enough to the first one I could just see him making a "physics engine" that emulates all physics down to the quarks or something lol. A super in depth explanation isn't really necessary and might even detract from the humor. Plus you'd probably get lots of "Ummm Acktually"

 

[King Yama]

I would like it if mc doesn't create an Ai but if you must at least make it like Jarvis a friendly ai inspired by a Butler

 

[krumpwoman69]

Now I'm curious. Is Snowball gonna still get Midnight's quirk, or is that gone as well?

 

[CosmicBigfoot]

Nemuri Kayama

Nemuri knew that Snowball was staying in one of the ritzier hospitals in the Shizuoka prefecture. She knew this because she had stayed in the same exact hospital after getting her own ass beat seven ways to Sunday a dozen times over since she graduated UA.

No healing kisses from Recovery Girl when school isn't in session! The most a rough girl can hope for on a warm August night are scrapes and bruises.

Nemuri slapped her face-cheeks several times with both hands and shook her face like a wet dog, almost sending her glasses flying off her face as she focused on the goal of the day: don't be weird!

She'd need to remember to keep it PG-13. No R-Rated heroine today! That's probably the last thing the kid wants to hear after the roller coaster he's been through. Nemuri just had to remember to stay calm and keep a good poker face.

Teens were like dogs. They could feel your emotions and would immediately freak out and start biting objects if they noticed the mood was off. Yup. Nemuri just had to stay calm, and not explode like a puffshroom the moment the kid got a doe-eyed look on his face.

Taking another short breath, Nemuri adjusted her blue sweater for the half-dozenth time as she fidgeted in the elevator she had all but claimed for herself. Not that anyone else could've even used it, since her qurik was now escaping her often enough that the elevator's filtration fans were now audible.

Nemuri hadn't had control this sloppy since she was a student in UA. She was almost embarrassed at how much this was getting to her. Her quirk was absolutely amazing and she would never trade it for anything, but having a quirk that starts 'leaking' if she gets too nervous or angry was always a pain.

Nothing ruins a mood quite like some accidental disc-

Shaking her head like a feral dog, Nemuri just gave up, caught her glasses mid-air before they could fly into a wall from her shaking head, and blindly slapped the elevator buttons before she could distract herself a dozenth time in a row. She'd probably get his floor eventually.

*Ding*

*Ding*

*Ding*

*Ding*

Eventually Nemuri just gave up and took the stairs. No, she was not steaming mad. That was just her quirk leaking from emotional overflow.

Yes, she knows that's even worse!

Five flights of stairs while wearing civvie heels later and she got to the kid's floor just in time to watch her elevator open with a cherry *Ding!* and she suddenly understood why so many villains wasted their lives destroying skyscrapers. It wasn't because they were mentally ill, maladjusted, and all had psychosis and sociopathy with a sprinkle of PTSD all from negative environmental factors experienced during their formative years.

They destroyed buildings because they were full of elevators! Nemuri sure was glad she solved that puzzle. Did Nezu know? Probably.

That'd explain his obsession with wrecking balls.

She prayed that the kid wanted some new clothes, because the first place Nemuri wanted to go was a clothes store so she could buy some flats and throw her civvie heels in the nearest dumpster.

Hell, if Nemuri wanted some good heels she'll just ask Power Loader for some. He already did some divine work on her hero costume's heels. The man should've honestly been a cobbler instead of a hero. He would've probably done more good for the world if he went that route.

Everyone talked about the men that marched off to war, but nobody ever thought about who made their boots.

Ugh. She's been a hero for over a decade and being a single mother for two seconds was all it took for her to be done with fashion. Who's ever heard of a sadist getting taken down by a pair of shitty heels? Usually it's the other end of that horseshoe getting the kick.

She hoped the kid was feeling up for stretching his legs, because it'd probably be better for the both of them if they interacted in an area with high airflow and not, say, an enclosed hospital room. She'd rather not introduce herself by knocking the kid unconscious.

...Eh, she'd find a way to recover from a bad first impression if she fumbled it. Smooth first impressions were good, but want to know what's even better? The second impression when she gives the kid a bunch of expensive shit, pro bono.

Yay consumerism.

Taking a look around the upper level of the hospital meant for the longer term patients, Nemuri had to admit that it was pretty swanky. Dark wooden walls, dark faux-granite flooring that looked two digits more expensive than it probably was. Why, it even had the best clown-vomit scrubs on some very pretty nurses pretending not to laugh at her as she stumbled out of the stairwell.

Nemuri could accept that. You don't become a nudist that starts off fights with a high-kick without getting used to laughter.

Strutting up to the nurse's island station, Nemuri spotted two nurses that were sitting inside of it, not even pretending to be busy in their downtime. They must've been medtechs. Quickly glancing at nurse Ashido's chest (she was just checking the nametag, honest!), Nemuri slowly crossed her arms and leaned towards her with a bright grin as she looked right into the purple gal's black eyes.

She knew better than to flirt with nurses. None of them ever wore their wedding rings while at work. It was like playing minesweeper with Greek numerals! That didn't mean she couldn't at least make an impression.

"Why hello, nurse Ashido. My name is Ms. Kayama. I'm here for the visitation with… Snowball." She was really gonna have to talk to the kid about getting a new name sooner rather than later, because as much as the nickname fit him, it was probably gonna get old in a week or less of consistent use and the alternative wasn't an alternative.

The nurse just beamed up at her and nodded to her coworker before standing up from her chair and beginning to walk out of the booth. "Right on time, Ms. Kayama. Not that it would've been wrong to be late, considering the recent conversation over the phone."

Nodding at the nurse with a now strained smile, Nemuri let the nurse lead a few steps ahead and made sure to watch- walk behind her. Wouldn't want to get lost now, would she? "I gotta admit, it was a bit of a shock to hear that of all things over the phone. Is this… regular?"

Ashido just hummed to herself for a moment at that as they walked down the halls. "I'm not sure if regular is the correct word here. Just about everything about the poor dear's case is antonym to that word."

Nemuri tried not to roll her eyes at that "water beats thirst" level analysis. Yeah lady, she knows. She was the one that high-keyed a smuggler through a cement ceiling and left him dangling by the neck like a pinata.

Nurse Ashido just continued to talk and trample over Nemuri's internal thoughts. "The doctors believe the short term memory loss was tied to occasional bouts of hypnagogia that were caused by the medication he was previously on. He hasn't forgotten anything new he's experienced since he was taken off of it and woke up today, and the medication is fully out of his system now, so he should be in the clear."

It was Nemuri's turn to hum at that. "So basically, the kid should at least remember I visited him today, and if he doesn't then he'll remember the visit after this?" Nurse Ashido reluctantly nodded at that, and Nemuri decided that she could take that.

Worst case scenario just meant the kid would need to be awed twice in a row, and she could just take everything that worked about the first attempt, discard all the awkward bits, and go for gold the second time. Silver linings, and all that.

The conversation died out at that for the next few minutes until they reached a random door in an equally random hallway. Nemuri still had no clue why hospitals were designed like they were meant to hold a siege.

Stopping in front of the doorway so her back blocked the door, nurse Ashido turned to her with a firm look on her face and stood up a little straighter as she looked Nemuri in the eyes. "Right, a few things before you first meet with Snowball. The most important one is this meeting is for him. He gets first and only say on what you do with the visit. If he wants to stay in the room, then you'll stay in the room. If he wants to go outside, then you go outside. If he wants you to leave, then you leave."

Nemuri just nodded at that, agreed out loud, and tried not to let the nurse's tone get to her. That was already her plan even if the nurse never said it. She wasn't going to let her first impression for the kid be her pressuring them.

Looking her up and down with a critical eye, Nurse Ashido simply nodded at her and continued. "Good. The other thing to keep in mind is that the kid doesn't have any known triggers despite… everything involving his case. That doesn't mean they don't exist, just that they haven't been noticed. Keep an eye on him when you go outside and don't be afraid to cancel the visit to bring him back if anything crops up. We suggest keeping an eye on how he handles being around vehicles."

She just nodded and agreed a second time at that. Once again, it was already her plan even if the nurse never said it. The bit about vehicles was new, though.

"And finally," Nurse Ashido continued onwards. "We highly suggest keeping his sunglasses on at all times in public. I know you've already been informed about his scanner quirk in the paperwork, but it needs to be repeated. That quirk is as powerful as it is invasive. Highly invasive. I doubt any cops would press the issue if he slips considering his circumstances, but still. Don't let him eye-sweep a crowd."

Alright, that one was a bit out of left field. Nemuri had heard about how his unrestricted vision was basically one giant privacy violation, but the insistence on keeping it under wraps felt like it was a bit more than just that. "Does the quirk do anything besides just give biometric data on people like the paperwork said?"

The nurse's lips just thinned at that. "The quirk seems to have an unfortunate tendency to momentarily feel like a non-painful full-body urticant when experienced for the first time."

Nemuri just continued to stare at the nurse. "So are you saying he shoots poison ivy from his eyes, or…?"

Ashido just rolled her eyes at Nemuri. "In less official words, I'm saying the first time he stares at you will feel like someone just peeled your soul off of your body with wax paper, stuck it to the third rail, and hit it three times with a bullet train."

...What?! "And you're saying that doesn't hurt?"

She just got a shrug at that. "Besides being wildly uncomfortable? Not really. If the feeling wasn't so all-encompassing I'd compare it to a hypnotic jerk. They even share the same "falling into the void" feeling-phenomenon."

Oh wow. How neat. Was this God's way of punking her? What's that, she don't want to give birth? Well here's two seconds of full body electrocution the moment she locks eyes with (hopefully) her new kid.

Nemuri just put on a stiff upper lip, smiled, and pretended she wasn't baffled and spooked by that chunk of information. "Don't worry nurse, my skin might feel like velvet but there's nothing but cold steel underneath. I'm sure I can handle it."

The nurse just giggled at that. "Well considering the fact that you'd be living together if the adoption does go through, I'd hope that you can handle it. You're gonna have to. Welcome to possible parenthood, Ms. Kayama. Would you like to meet him without his glasses on now, or would you like to pull that bandaid off later?"

Well considering the fact that she was still letting out small tufts of purple haze every time she so much as shuffled her hips, it was probably for the best if she put off getting her soul electrocuted until after they went outside.

"Later. I'd rather not mess this up immediately after meeting him." Nurse Ashido just smiled softly at that and patted her arm before turning to squeeze herself through the doorway.

"Aww, I'm sure it'll go well. Snowball can be a little ornery and a bit vintage, but that just means he's extra genuine. Once the conversation starts to roll I doubt you'll even remember you were worried in the first place."

Nemuri was starting to feel like she was just adopting a feral cat.

The nurse slipped into the room to let the kid know she was here to visit, and Nemuri took the spare moment she had been given to uselessly fidget with her sweater, as if it being any straighter would improve the chances of the visit going well.

This was new territory for her, and she didn't really know how to approach this. A burning building? No problem. An entire gang wearing gas masks? No sweat. Meeting a kid she didn't even really know?

She was gonna need a breather. Too bad nurse Ashido was already back to collect her for the show-down.

Walking into the well lit room, Nemuri's eyes were immediately drawn to the ghostly looking kid sitting cross legged on the bed directly opposite her, one of his elbows propped against his knee as he leaned forward towards her.

The nickname Snowball was dangerously accurate, because absolutely everything about the kid's appearance screamed "lanky kitten hanging from a branch." She was pretty sure she could give her entire third year art class an assignment to create the most pitiful looking creature imaginable, and none of them would have come even a quarter as close as this kid's bio-mom did.

If she had to compare his resting face to anything, it'd be a border collie that just saw a draft horse for the first time. And that was with a bulky pair of sunglasses covering his big round eyes that made the staff triple down on the Snowball name. Add in the baggy ruffled clothes and the shoulder length bed head, and you could have convinced her that the kid's quirk was called "post-modern porcelain doll".

Nemuri sure was glad Snowball hung in there, because this was one hell of a glowup compared to how he looked when she first found him. It's probably a good thing the kid already looked like a dirty wreck when those villains picked him up.

She was going to immediately box that thought up and never unpack it again.

Ashido just carried on with the introductions with a beaming smile, completely oblivious to the whirlwind going through Nemuri's own head. "Snowy, this is Nemuri Kayama. I know you might've forgotten this since we went over it yesterday, but she's also the pro hero Midnight! Isn't that exciting." Nurse Ashido cooed out at the kid sprawled out across his bed like a spilled jar of criss-crossed applesauce.

The kid just slowly blinked up at Ashido before turning to look at her, his expression barely changing as he took her appearance in. "This woman's a Super Cop? She looks like she'd get lost in a washing machine."

SayThatAgain???

Ashido just nodded like a bobblehead at that, her dark purple hair flowly back and forth through the air as she completely ignored the second half of that sentence and just flashed an even wider grin at the kid. "Yup, she's a Pro Hero. She was even a part of the team that rescued you from those disgusting villains. Isn't that awesome?!"

The kid just absorbed her energy like a black hole of cheer. And just like a black hole, he gave none of it back. She watched as Snowball's eyebrows did the wave across before he just tilted his head to the side and continued to stare up at Nemuri. "Huh. No shit?"

Nemuri was joking earlier, but she was starting to think she was actually adopting a big cat. One of those perpetually sad ones that'd you see in an animal shelter commercial.

She's seen a lot of resting bitch faces in her time, but this might've been the first time she's been a resting nap face.

Taking a step past Ashido, Nemuri leaned down slightly and smiled softly at the kid sitting right in front of her. "I'm glad to finally meet you, kiddo. I've been looking forward to getting a visit with you since before you woke up. Is there anything you want to do today? The only limit is distance. The hospital wants you back within a few hours, so no running off to TDR."

Well, no running off to Disney today at least. There was no way she wasn't dragging this kid to an amusement park before the winter actually hit. She hoped the kid was

The kid just ran a hand through his hair and let out a little laugh at that. "Mooooom, can we get McDonald's? Heheh… I always wanted to say that."

Please ignore that muffled shattering sound, that was just her heart imploding into a million bite sized pieces.

Instead of wrapping the kid in about fifty layers of bubble wrap like she wanted to she instead just continued to smile down at him and tried very hard not to let his words get to her right off the bat. If this sad little American wanted to swing by WcDonald's, then they could swing by Wcdonald's.

---

They ended up walking to WcDonald's instead of taking her car. Partially because she didn't want to test how Snowball handled vehicles on day zero of meeting him, partially because she wanted to actually focus on the kid while she was talking to him.

Walking beside her as he basked in the sun, the constant underlying thought of "this kid is secretly just a big cat" only grew the longer she watched him exist. The fact that his footsteps were almost completely inaudible didn't really help that vibe fade away.

"You know," Snowball began to speak as they walked down the sidewalk, his eyes locked onto the bright blue sky instead of the dull concrete sidewalk. "I'm surprised you were able to just drag me out of the hospital on a first visit like that. I would've thought one on one interactions are a third meeting kinda thing."

Nemuri just quirked an eyebrow at that. Were the States stricter with adoption or something? "I don't know why they wouldn't trust me to keep you safe. U.A licenses aren't gotten from cereal boxes."

Snowball just laughed at that. "Oh man, that joke is still around? Some things never change. Eh, if McDonald's could survive the apocalypse then so could boomer humor. How did McDonald's survive the quirkpocalypse anyways? That chain could barely survive inflation."

Should she tell this kid about the pre-vigilante era brand wars? Ehhh… no, probably not. That's probably a history lesson best reserved for literally any time besides a first time visit with a new kid while halfway to an old brand's front doorstep.

Instead of dropping that WcBomb on him Nemuri instead just chittered out a nervous giggle and side swept that whole can of worms. "Life, uh, finds a way I suppose. Speaking of life and finding things… we need to talk about your name."

The kid just nodded at that, still looking up at the sky. "Yeah, I know. I probably should've at least chosen a Japanese name if I'm gonna live in Japan now. Just because I didn't stop by Ellis Island doesn't mean I can skip the name process."

That reference was about an ocean and two centuries too far for her to comprehend.

Instead Nemuri just ruffled the kid's hair and tried not to laugh at his nonsense. "You know you don't need a Japanese name just because you live in Japan, yeah? I'm more concerned about what the name means than the name itself."

Snowball just hummed at that. "I dunno, I think it fits the naming theme of this world pretty well. I bet there's at least three people with zombie quirks running around with the exact same punchline."

Uh… what? "The naming theme? I'm not really sure if I understand that reference, kiddo. Mind filling me in on the joke?"

"You know, it's like My Little Pony. Everyone has a name that's directly tied to their special talent, and after a few years they go through a magic baby puberty that reveals their special talent to the whole world, and then they spend the rest of their life being a one note stereotype. And if they have no special talent they're banished to Loserville."

This kid would never make it as a deliveryman, because he just dropped half a dozen boxes full of fabergé eggs right on her feet.

Stopping in place on the sidewalk, Nemuri couldn't help but cover her eyes and let out a groan at the kid's words. "Snowy. Please. You're killing me here. That isn't how naming children works."

The kid just smiled at that and put his hands on his hips, looking overtly smug in the way only a wrong person could effortlessly manage to be. "Alright then, what's your surname mean?"

If playing the name game with the brat got him to drop the whole John Doe thing, then she'd play ball. "It depends on the kanji, but mine basically translates into fragrance." She's still pretty sure it was half the reason her perfume sponsorships did so well…

The kid just nodded at that. "Alright, and now what's your first name mean?"

Her sixth sense for bad times started to act up around that moment, but she was in too deep to back out now. "Well Nemuri also has a few alternate meanings, but mine directly translates into sleep…"

Snowball's smile grew a little at that. "So your name means sleep gas. I don't need to take my glasses off to know what your quirk is gonna be." Nemuri zoned out as the kid tapped the side of his shades and began to actually seriously consider what the kid was saying.

The longer she tried to come up with a name that disproved what the kid was saying, the less examples she could come up with to prove he was anything but right. The closest defense she could come up with was Hizashi Yamada. Who she knows for a fact was named after a famous radio personality from the pre-quirk era known for his distinct voice…

"Oh God..." Nemuri muttered out as she stared off into the distance. "It's actually like My Little Pony..."

The kiddo just hugged her at that, as if she had just come to terms with the fact that Japan was about to get nuked for a fourth time and they didn't have enough time to escape the blast radius.

"Hey, look on the bright side. At least the only thing this place borrowed was the naming trope and not the plot."

Jumping on the chance to hug the kid, Nemuri quickly returned the hug plus interest and continued the conversation before it ended. "What's the plot of My Little Pony? Anything else similar besides the naming thing?"

She could feel Snowball's entire frame vibrate as he laughed into her shoulder. "Well the show's about an all powerful super pony that everyone relies on to keep the Country from immediately devolving into an ancap dystopia deciding to retire by picking a random neurotic freak to be take their place, so probably not."

Nemuri just took the distraction as an excuse to ruffle the kid's fluffy bed head. "Any villains the ponies fight?"

Snowy just hummed at that. "I honestly don't know, I never actually watched the show. I've only ever read fanfiction for it." Fair enough. "I think the big bad of the show was a power absorbing demon lord that was locked up in a prison called Tartarus?"

Well, there weren't any power absorbing demons currently trapped in Tartarus so they should be good.

Breaking away from the hug, the brat just let out a wide yawn and went back to following after her like a lost duckling on their way to the Wcdonald's near the Tatooin shopping district. "What were we even talking about again?"

Nemuri just facepalmed at that. "Your name, kid. Even if this world works off of My Little Pony logic," And what a nightmare that realization was. "It doesn't mean I can just go around calling you a joke name like that. It makes you the punchline, and that's not something I'm comfortable with."

Snowball just hummed at that. "Well, I guess that explains why the nurses all refuse to call me anything besides pet names like Snowball. Eh… yeah, I should probably get a new name. It isn't like I was actually attached to the name."

This… was good! This was very good! Way better than she was even expecting! "I'm glad you're willing to actually change the name. You deserve a better one than a gag. Any names that resonate with you?"

Clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, Snowy just meandered down the sidewalk for several moments lost in thought before he suddenly snapped his fingers and grew a grin. "I know. Between the white hair and my edgy eye powers, I should call myself… Itachi Gojo!"

… What the fuck kind of name was Weasel Fifth Street?! Nuh-uh! No way! That was terrible! Waaaay worse than she was expecting!

Planting her feet on the concrete sidewalk, Nemuri crossed her arms to make a giant X before letting out a loud buzz from her mouth.

"BZZZZZZT! Wrong! No way am I letting you call yourself that. There are way too many good names in life to settle on Itachi Gojo of all things." That was not a name she could brag about at the PTA meetings.

No-tachi No-jo just stared at her in mild confusion, as if she was the one that just said something out of pocket and weird. "Are you sure? Gojo's a pretty based surname. I can't think of any better ones."

First off, based off of what? Kyoto maps? Second off, she could think of many better ones. For example, "If you're having a hard time thinking of a good surname to use, there's going to be a free one available in the near future..." Hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge. Take the friggin' hint.

The kid just stared at her for a moment before he rapped his knuckles against his own head and stuck his tongue out. "Doi. I forgot you're gonna be my mom… hopefully." Holy shit, she was killing this adoption process! "Are you sure you're fine with me using your surname this early?"

Nemuri just pulled the kid in for a sideways hug as they continued to walk down the street and gave the brat a light noogie. "Kiddo, I'm the one going through the process to adopt you. You having my surname is the entire end goal of this. I'm happy that you're this comfortable with me this early on."

Lightly slapping her arm away from his skull, the kid couldn't even pretend to be anything but happy as he smiled straight ahead. "Hey, I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. If you're fine with me calling myself Kayama from day one then how about….hmm. How does Itachi Kayama sound?"

Chuckling out loud at his question, Nemuri broke off the hug and continued to walk alongside him. "Listen, you're objectively adorable and could probably get away with calling yourself something straight up villainous like Daimon Graves. Please don't test that probably by naming yourself Smelly Weasel."

He just let out a surprised laugh at that. "Shit, alright. I guess Itachi Kayama is kind of a car salesman coded name. Hmm… give me a moment to think on it."

Staring back up into the cloudless sky as he trailed off, the two of them let the silence move back in as he started to focus on his own thoughts. Watching him trace the rim of his sunglasses with his thumb before running his hand across his forehead and through his hair, Nemuri opened her mouth to tell him this wasn't something that needed to be figured out today.

He began to speak just a moment before she could. "How about Toji? That'd work as a name, right? Toji Kayama." Huh?

The kid just continued to stare up at the bright blue sky for another moment, his hand still resting on his forehead before he turned to stare at her with a light grin. "What? It can't be worse than weasel, can it?"

Well, he's got her there. But still, Toji Kayama would be… not bad? Toji isn't really a common name, but she's preeeetty sure it's main use was for winter solstice? Or more directly, winter's darkest night. Which would mean his full name now translates into "The dark slumbering mountain."

…. What the hell?! Her kid looks as cute and helpless as a bag of kittens. Should she really let this adorable brat go full chuunibyou and name himself like an xianxia villain? That's not the name of someone that talks about My Little Pony in public.

But on the other hand, Itachi Gojo……

Pulling the kid in for another hug, Nemuri enveloped him in a bear hug and cooed at her cute little xianxia monster. "Aww, how can I say no way to that cute little face? Toji Kayama is an adorable name. Kinda fitting, too!"

"How is Toji fitting? I thought it just meant second person?" Toji asked her chest, unable to pull away from her even if he wanted to. And she'd be offended if he did, because she knew for a fact that most men would commit crimes just to end up in his spot.

"Toji means winter solstice, which means your name basically means sleepy winter mountain. Or if I wanted to pester you, I could also say it means snowy winter mountain." She didn't need to see the kid's eyes to know they were wider than they were a moment ago.

Snowy Mountain shook his head at her as he realized what he just confined himself to. "No..."

Nemuri just nodded and tried not to cackle at the muted look of despair on his face. "Yup! The moment I sign that paperwork, you will officially be sleepy snowy mountain. Like I said, the name fits you. You even have the snowy summit." Nemuri said with a broad smile as she began to ruffle his white hair.

"Oi! Watch the glasses! You almost made me muzzle flash a taxi driver." Snowy grouched at her as he ineffectively fought off both her hand and a smile while pressing his glasses back into his face.

It didn't escape her notice that he never actually told her to stop pestering him, so she considered it another win.

---

WcDonald's was the same as always. Toji's words, not hers. If they were her words she wouldn't have said them with even a fraction of the disgusted awe that Snowy managed to wedge into his own voice. Was WcDonald's supposed to taste different in Japan? Nemuri just assumed this was some Americanism of his and didn't acknowledge it.

He also seemed really confused at the fact that restaurant was named WcDonald's instead of McDonald's, which just rolled back into that whole brand war thing she was trying very hard to not acknowledge… anyways!

After they ate they moved on to shopping, and Nemuri didn't hesitate to absolutely load the kid with gifts. The first thing she got him was a phone. She was honestly amazed he even managed to go this long without begging for one.

After that she got him a laptop that was worth about one more zero than the one he actually asked for. No, she didn't care that he was probably just going to use it to watch YoTube. Also, it's called YoTube now. Where did the U go?

Snowy knew how to ask the hard hitting questions, she'd give him that. Unfortunately for him, she was a master at dodging the question.

They both got new shoes after that, since he was in hospital crocs and she wanted to throw her heels into a burning dumpster where they belonged. She instead settled on the nearest garbage can.

She prayed to whatever deity that could hear her to not let them end up on a bidding site.

"Holy shit." Toji muttered out in shocked awe as he stared at the designer jeans in front of them. "Thirty thousand dollars for a pair of jeans?! The future's an even bigger nightmare than I thought…"

Nemuri just rolled her eyes at the kid and ruffled his hair. "Thirty thousand yen, kiddo. Not Dollars. That's honestly a steal for a pair of Onigashima Jeans." Toji still side eyed the price even after she said that, and Nemuri was suddenly very glad he didn't see the price tag on those Air Might Alaskas he was wearing.

Eventually he went off to try them on, and what a surprise, the 30k designer jeans looked good on him. What a shocker, she knows. She got a couple more pairs in different shades and then dragged her kiddo off to get some better shirts than those cheap rags the hospital had left him with.

He went along with most of the dress-up, and he looked absolutely adorable in all of it, from the casual wear to the more expensive threads. She eventually had to call it quits when she got into the more name-brand clothing and he started to get a little… fidgety.

"Ain't no way. I don't know how much yen is worth in the 23rd​ century, but 60k for a dirty shirt has to be a scam." Toji said, slapping the back of his hand against the Valenciago shirt in his hands. "I mean yeah the fabric feels nice, but this shirt just looks like Mr. Clean fist fought the Splatoon crew."

Nemuri just let out a nervous laugh as she turned him around and lightly pressed him towards the dressing rooms. "Aww, come on. I'm sure you'll look adorable in it. You're like a fresh piece of paper, you're basically begging for a few splotches of color on ya."

Toji just puffed his cheeks up at that for a moment as if he had just swallowed a frog and refused to let it leave his mouth until it's wife paid the ransom. "God, why is Neo Japan so weird…?" Watching Toji wander back to the dressing room, Nemuri smiled to herself at how well this had been going so far.

After hearing nothing but horror stories about first time meetings and adoptions she had kinda been expecting the kid to be fully locked up for the first few visits, so having him so receptive to interaction was honestly an absolute blessing for her.

She honestly felt like she was pushing it a few times today, but the kid didn't push back once and seemed to roll with whatever tone she set so… she was pretty sure she was doing good? The kid was way better off than he was before and didn't seem weirded out by her, so she assumed she hadn't flubbed it yet.

Hmm… those shades Toji was wearing looked really flimsy. And she could see him constantly trying to squint through them while they were inside. He would probably appreciate a proper pair of shades. Ooh, she bet a pair of round Natsumos would look cute on him! And they were only 80k yen!

Walking back to the changing rooms with the blue and platinum shades in her hand, Nemuri spotted Toji as he walked out of the changing isle, and he looked absolutely adorable. As expected.

"Okay, I gotta admit that the shirt feels like a cloud. If it is a scam then I guess I'm a sucker. How much was this again? 60K yen? Isn't that like… sixty bucks? Nemuri just let out a nervous laugh at that and held out the sunglasses towards him.

"Aww, don't worry about the price. I have enough money that it might as well be sixty bucks." Toji just shrugged at that and took the sunglasses from her hands and tilted them around to take their design in.

"Damn, maybe I should've named myself Satoru after all. These glasses look just like his…"

Well she understood that about as much as every other reference the kid's made since she met him. Watching him reach up to pull his plastic shades off, Nemuri didn't remember why being in his line of sight was a bad idea until they were already off his face.

GRRRRRK! Ḧ̶̞́o̶̦̐l̸̟̕ÿ̷̡́ ̵̱͝ŝ̷̹h̵̗͝ĩ̸̳t̶̞̑ ̵̹̂t̴̮͒h̴̠̚a̶̙̐ṫ̷̪ ̶̭́k̷̛̼i̴͈͠c̸̯̄ķ̶̀s̶̥̆ ̶͎̃ĺ̴͍i̴̙̓k̵̪͊e̸͇͆ ̷̺͗ã̵̝ ̷̤̅m̵̞̌u̴͓͝ḷ̸̆e̵̲̾!̵̣̕F̷̨͍͕͈̹͐̊͛#̶͇͙͚̏̂ͅ@̸͕̠͎̣̈́̏̒͝K̸͙̟͎̬̙͛̅̈̇̾!̸̘̑̄̎͠

Feeling every single muscle in her body tense up, Nemuri felt herself tilt backwards slightly before her body reflexively relaxed and she stumbled back upright with a heavy breath. Woah! That felt… unique. Invasive indeed! Nemuri felt like her entire nervous system was now two centimeters to the left.

Smiling at her as he adjusted the glasses on his face, Nemuri just shakily returned a grin and tried to shrug off that weird electric feeling. It didn't actually hurt her or anything, it just felt… weird. Very, very weird.

"So I'm super thankful for all the stuff today, but are you sure we should keep shopping? We've been at it for a while and we already have about half a dozen bags between us." Looking at their current loot spread, Nemuri realized that she might've bottlenecked herself into an early ending to their first day out together.

They couldn't really go out to the park while carrying an entire boutique on their backs.

"Aww, are you sure you don't want anything else? We still have an entire shopping district to explore." Toji just let out a breathless laugh as he stared down at all of the packages between them.

"I'm sure. Today's already been a blast. We can always check out the other shops next time you visit." Nemuri always knew she had great self-control, and not fist pumping at that proved it to herself.

Leaving the department store with Toji, they got about forty feet out of it before he suddenly froze in place and did a double take back towards the store.

"Wait… did we just shoplift in broad daylight? Uh..."

Pfft, what? "Kiddo, I already paid for everything on my phone. Why do you think I kept scanning the price tags with it?"

Snowball just looked awed at that, as if her paying for stuff over the phone was anything special. "You can just auto-buy stuff and walk out of the story without having to talk to a single worker? The future… rules!"

Nemuri just smiled at that and kept walking back to the hospital with the kid so they could put most of his stuff away in her car before a dumb villain mistook the two of them for walking loot crates when something caught Toji's eye from a nearby department store.

He was already pivoting on his heel and walking power walking through the front doors of the store before she could even ask him what was up, and by the time she caught up with him he was already standing still in front of a rack of… plushies?

Please for the love of the lord do not ask her what a plushie is. She didn't want to be caught crying in the middle of a toy store.

That would either be the worst thing to ever happen to her persona, or the best thing to ever happen to it, and she'd rather not have either of those things happening to her "R-rated hero" persona involve her adopted son…

Peeling off his sunglasses so he could stare up at the giant plushies suspended from the upper racks in unmasked awe, Nemuri took this as a rare chance to actually get an unobstructed look at the kids eyes without any glasses or convulsions getting in the way.

The pictures she had seen of the kid did not do his eyes justice. It was like staring at two uranium dinner plates backlit with UV lamps. She had to wonder if they actually glowed in the dark, or if they were just that bright.

"Holy shit…" Toji muttered out, his eyes locked onto the center-top row. "The hungry caterpillar is still real?!"

… what?! THAT'S what got him drawn in like a moth to a volcano? That big derpy plushie in the center of the rack? How did he even manage to spot that while walking outside?

And why'd he have to say it like it was an ancient yokai?

Cranking his head towards her so quickly she was surprised it didn't snap, Toji stared up at her with his big old plate eyes, a look of absolute need across his face. "Any chance we can get the plushie? Look at the size of this lad!"

Was this kid seriously begging her for a 6k yen plushie while wearing a 300k yen wardrobe he accepted without a second thought? Nemuri felt herself begin to chortle at him in spite of herself.

"Yeah kiddo, you can get the plushie." Letting out a little fist pump at that, the kid quickly slipped his glasses back on his head and pulled the seventy two inch long hungry caterpillar plushie off of the rack before wrapping it around his neck like a boa constrictor.

Scanning the price tag dangling off of one of it's antenna, Nemuri slid her phone back into her pocket before ruffling Toji's snowy hair on their way back out the doors and towards the hospital.

---

Putting the last of the bags away in the trunk of her car, Nemuri turned back to smile at Toji as he fiddled with his new phone beside the one bag of clothes he had sat on the ground beside them.

Nemuri honestly didn't know if the hospital would do laundry for street clothes and she honestly didn't want strangers getting within a hundred yards of this wardrobe, so the plan was to just keep most of his new clothes at her home and she'd bring him a few new sets every time she came to visit.

"Thanks for bringing me out shopping today. I know you didn't actually have to get me anything, so thanks for being so chill for the first time.…"

Nemuri just ruffled the kids hair at that and pulled him in for a side hug. "I wouldn't be trying to take you in if I didn't want to take care of ya, Snowy. I'm not gonna withhold small comforts from you just because I've only known you a day instead of a week."

Returning her hug with a startled laugh, Toji suddenly draped the giant caterpillar plushie he had already taken to calling "Wormie" over the both of their shoulders before pulling her in closer and holding his phone up and at an angle.

"Do people still say "cheese!" while taking pics? Ah well, I guess if I already said it…" Quickly smiling up at his phone, Nemuri heard the shutter click go off before Toji pulled away a few moments later.

Looking down at his phone with a grin, Nemuri could already feel her own phone buzz from him texting it to her number before he slid his phone back into his back pocket and took the Wor- the plushie from her shoulders and re-draped it over his own.

"There we go. That's one for the scrap book. Once again, thanks for today. I'm actually really happy with how it turned out. There was a fifty/fifty shot I'd end the day either on that Matilda grind or smoking that Potter Pack, and from the look of things my chances of getting black lung are slim…"

Despite not understanding a single word Toji just said Nemuri felt herself freely laugh at that. "Well I'm happy to hear that you had a blast. I'll be sure to schedule another one with nurse Ashido when I head back inside to go over the day with her."

She watched Snowy visibly roll over something in his head for a brief moment before finally turning back to her. "So, I know it's really dumb to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I gotta ask… why go all in on me? You seem pretty ritzy. Why not just buy some designer baby from China?"

Well first off, designer babies got banned about two generations before quirk marriages did. Second off, the kid still gave off photogenic kitten energy in spite of his personality. Thirdly, if this kid fell into the public system with a scanner quirk as useful as that she couldn't help but assume the worst would happen to the poor kid. But fourth and most importantly…

"Well, I was already considering adoption before I found you, and it's kind of an unofficial fact at this point that heroes have a whole thing for adoption…" It was usually considered a miracle by the U.A faculty if an entire class of third year hero-hopefuls got through school without at least one of them picking up a kid along the way.

Hell, she's pretty sure the only reason Aizawa hadn't taken in a kid yet like an ostrich finding a really round rock left unattended is because he mainly did underground work at night. There's not exactly an excess of sad orphans getting mugged in alleyways.

Or at least, there isn't an excess of sad orphans getting mugged in alleyways that aren't either already adopted or gone…

Toji just let out a little "huh" at that and patted the caterpillar plushie on the head as if it were a sentient dog. "Guess I got lucky then. You still gotta go over the visit with nurse Ashido, yeah? Mind taking my bag back to the room for me? I might as well break these shoes in and walk around a little."

Grabbing his bag from his hand, Nemuri just ruffled his inhumanly fluffy hair one last time before watching him wander back into the hospital. Considering the fact that he forgot to hand over the giant hungry caterpillar plushie still wrapped around his shoulders she doubted he'd be gone for long.

Right. That still gave her twenty minutes to figure out if nurse Ashido was a Mrs. Ashido. But first!

Ripping her phone out of her purse, Nemuri went to her newest contact and opened up the newest image that was sent to her. God, her smile looked so awkward in the picture. At least Toji and the plushie were wearing their best face.

Should she send this pic to the group chat asap, or should she save it and brag about it in person? Decisions, decisions...

---

Toru Hagakure


Toru loved her quirk. It was useful. It was... amazing! It was definitely a top-tier quirk that'd let her get into U.A, no problem! But sometimes… sometimes her quirk kinda sucked!

Oh, it was certainly useful for her biggest hobby. Toru would never admit it, but she was a bit of a voyeur. Yeah haha, the invisible girl uses her powers to stare at people, better lock your windows and put salt lines around your bathrooms!

Not that kind of voyeur! Nah, Toru loved watching people in natural environments… like parks! Or malls! Or even hospitals!

People always act super interesting when they think nobody's looking, and since she's invisible she could just wear a tank top (and shorts), plop down on a bench, and rubber neck as much as she wanted. And the best part was she could even gaslight herself into thinking it was useful!

Toru was planning on being a hero! This wasn't "a gross invasion of privacy", this was... a lifestyle! She was simply "building a footpath", so to speak. Getting her patrol routes down. Familiarizing herself with the lay of the land. Every ranger needed to know where the berry bushes were, after all.

And as a hero, the people were her berry bushes!

And it sure was a good thing Toru liked people watching without consent in hospitals so much, because sometimes she got little reminders that her quirk was a bit of a trouble magnet, despite being super-pro material.

What kind of reminders? Well there were people bumping into her, people treating public furniture like a free parkour setup and not noticing the invisible gal sitting in one of the chairs, people littering as they drove past and not noticing her on the sidewalk.

But most importantly there were the people that skipped the littering and decided to drive on the sidewalk! Why did people drive on the sidewalk? Toru didn't know, and her entire lower torso would still like to know.

Car bumpers might look like chrome, but they tasted an awful lot like copper. Guess she should've known better than to wear drab colors. Should've worn neon pink again to stay visible! Haha...

Sometimes Toru wished she could just ditch the invisibility and keep the supernatural proprioception that the invisibility came pre-packaged with so she wouldn't accidentally trip on her own feet and javelin toss herself down the stairs.

Honestly though, she should probably thank the truck driver that clipped her. This was just… spontaneous body conditioning! Yeah, that's it! And all that pain was just weakness leaving the body! By the time she finished U.A the cars will be bouncing off of her ass!

But that was then and here was now, so unfortunately for Toru she was still stuck overnight in the hospital while she walked off the unsolicited endurance training…

Adjusting herself on the garden bench she was sprawled across the center of, Toru looked around for the fifth time in as many minutes before going back to mindlessly scrolling her socials. There wasn't much of a point in loitering in public if there was no public around. Should she just give up her hobby for the day and wander back inside?

Hmm… cute nurses in ugly scrubs were definitely a juxtaposition that deserved to be studied thoroughly…

Listening to the sound of slightly scuffed footsteps, Toru cranked her head and immediately dropped the favor of being three negative stereotypes in a dirty trench coat in favor of staring at the teen her age that had walked through the side doors and into view.

He looked… cute? Absolutely not her type (maybe if the sentence started with an S in front of the H…) but they definitely had that scrungly cat vibe to em! It was honestly impressive how someone could look lost and helpless by calmly standing in a peaceful garden that they purposefully walked into.

Maybe the giant hungry caterpillar plushie was doing the heavy lifting? Mmm… nah. He could've been covered in blood and wearing nothing but a wife beater and a pair of jorts and he'd still look like a victim.

This guy would make a killing as a crisis actor!

Walking through the garden with one arm dangling at his side and the other one pressed against the back of the giant stuffed caterpillar against his shoulders, Toru shamelessly began to theorycraft a backstory for this complete and utter stranger.

Was his hair natural? Why did he have a six foot long worm? How were his Air Might Alaskas so fresh? These were just some of the hard-hitting questions Toru cooked up to distract from the after-effects of the hard-hitting object that thought going 39km while in a school zone was a good usage of their free will…

And then he looked right at the park bench she sat on, saw her floating clothes, and just froze mid-step. Huh. That was a new reaction. Usually people just hit her with a quick "Neato!" (or a bumper) and moved on with their day.

Toru initiated a conversation before he could. Social interactions were like chess. Whoever gets to go first wins a majority of the time! Uh… how were you supposed to talk to people at the hospital? Was it like prison rules?

Well, if the food followed prison rules then she saw no reason conversations wouldn't as well! "Heyo! Nice worm you got there. So… what're you in for?" Huh, well there's two sentence she never thought she'd say to a guy. Anyways!

Not only did he not graciously accept the once in a lifetime compliment, but he didn't even answer her question! And she knew it wasn't invasive, because they were at the hospital; the natural environment for all things clinical!

"You're... invisible?" She asked what he was in for, not what SHE was in for! Is he stupid?

Reaching up and grabbing his glasses with both hands, the guy moved to tear them off his face, froze, and then just let them fall back to his sides like a puppet with their strings cut. Alrightie then.

"Yup! I actually look like the love child between Yang Guifei and Francis Xavier, but don't tell anyone!" That's a lie, she doesn't know what she looks like in the slightest. Yeah she can get the outline of herself if she wraps herself head to toe in something tight, but the actual fine features and details are a bit of a lost cause…

The guy just tilted his head like an owl at that. "Hey, this is gonna be a bit of a big ask, but can I rip my glasses off and try looking at you? I wanna see if your invisibility beats out my... see-able-ness?"

The police found a body last Wednesday, lying facedown in a culvert. The coroner says they must've been rotting there for at least a week. The name of the deceased? William Shakespeare.

"Sure, try your best. But I gotta warn ya; I have fifteen years experience not being seen!" He just nodded at that and reached up to his glasses a second time before pausing yet again. "Oh. Wait. If I look at you, I'll end up knowing all of your biometric data. Like… all of it."

Toru agreed to that bit of info without a second thought. Everyone knew voyeurs were the most self-aware and philosophical of all degenerates. Because through isolation and observation, blossoms comprehension.

At least, that's what her doomscroll socials told her. "Also, you miiiight feel like your nervous system is getting assaulted by three leprechauns with hedge clippers."

Well alrightie then. If that was a pickup line from the guy, it was an awesome one. Why? Because it fulfilled a line's only purpose. It got her attention!

"Tall people say the most fearsome opponent is the one that practiced one kick a thousand times. Leprechauns say "Oh shit, she chose the low kick!". What I'm trying to say is bring. It. On!"

The guy flashed her a quick thumbs up, reached both hands up to his shades, and TheLeprechaunsWereWearingSpikedHelmets!

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA̴̱͝͝A̵̙̩̕A̶̠̐Â̷͜A̷̫͌̎͝A̵̗̼̹͊A̷͍͊A̴̘̞͙͛̍͝A̶̺̼̰̅̂̈H̷̤̋̽̇H̷̛̝̊͠H̷͔̟͂͘H̸̪̺̞͌̽͛Ḩ̵̪̹̩̱͈̣̌̊̿̇̌̚͘͜͝H̵̡̨̢͙͉̺̳͗̿͜H̶̦͙̦͎̉̈̆H̸̢͈̱̟͉̫̳̍̌̑̓͋̀Ḧ̸̢̋̄̌͘!̵͙̯͋̑̌̎̚͠͠!̵̧̼̙̠̫̤̃ͅ!̵̛̙̩̪̆̆̆̋̔̀͐ͅ!̷̛͓͍͍̣͛̕͝

…. Holy shit! Was that what bath bombs feel when you drop them in the tub?! She felt like she just ate a fistful of radioactive pennies. Jeez… that was awesome!

"Can you do that again?" The guy just fluttered his big green eyes at her as he looked at her from top to bottom before immediately locking eyes with her. Wait…?

"Nah, it's apparently just a first time only thing." Could he actually…?

Toru made a stupid face, and he looked confused. Toru made a rude hand gesture, and he volleyed two right back at her with a polite nod. He could!

Aaaaaaah! He could see her?! For real?! Whaaaaat?! She'd gone tearing through a clown fiesta's worth of quirk consultants in Tokyo while this guy was just loafing around her area?!

Toru was going to cry. She was going to scream. And she was even going to do a triple backflip and eat some drywall. Breakfast of champions, meet the brunch of conquerors Toru quickly scampered up to the guy and lifted him into the air like the holy grail that he was, which was actually super hard to do since she was five foot nothing, but she made it work!

Laughing with glee, Toru spun around in place several times while lugging the complete stranger around like a championship trophy.

"You! Yoooooooou! How can you see me?! Nobody can see me! You just cracked my fifteen year streak!" Her big dumb savant just lazily shrugged at her, seemingly more concerned with keeping his stuffie around his neck than with her flying him like a kite.

"Quirks are technically a body part, so I can see your quirk interact with the light, and at first I just see it going like uh…" Gesturing for her to put him down, Toru reluctantly dropped her golden goose back to the earth so he could take a step back and uh… start pretending to toss an invisible salad?

"So at first your quirk starts off doing this wishy-woshy thing, and then after a moment it starts to uh… foom-foosh! And then suddenly a bit of it drifts off of the folded light around you, but it's still a part of you, so I just gotta look at those little shedded bits, which let me see the tendril bits, which let me see all the bobs!"

Listening to this guy's explanation kinda made Toru feel like she was still at the scene of that hit and run and the next time she blinked she was gonna be right back on the concrete.

That was a spooky thought to have, because she was starting to like this version of reality a lot more than the one from about twelve hours ago.

Toru felt herself jolt as the bright green caterpillar stuffie that had been wrapped around the guy's neck suddenly wound itself around her own shoulders, and within moments all of her shoulders and enough of her neck was wrapped that she could barely see over the surprised caterpillar staring her in the eyes.

"Here, hold this for a moment." Wrapping her arms around the dangling bits of the plushie so they wouldn't fall off and hit the dirt, Toru stared at the guy in confusion as he continued to stand there after handing it off to her.

"Uhhhhhh… why am I holding this?" Not that she was complaining. It was actually wild how soft this thing was. And it smelled an awful lot like Midnight Fragrance, of all things. Did this guy seriously slather his plushies in Midnight's brand-perfume? And walk around in-public with them?! That was… unfathomably fucking based!

Yeah, Toru needed this guy as a friend. She could probably walk the Earth for another century and she'd never find another sapient being on this kind of wavelength again. She had just kicked all the leprechauns into extinction. She would never be this lucky again.

The guy just shrugged at her as he shuffled around her and planted his ass on the bench she had just been sitting on. "You were looking a bit out of it. I'm guessing you aren't usually visible?"

Toru just laughed like a dolphin at that as she mushed the hungry caterpillar into the side of her face. "Pfft! Nope! You're basically the singularity of exceptions. Hell, you're not the singularity, you're the event horizon!"

The guy just roughly chuckled at that. "Oh man, you have no idea. My name's Toji, by the way. Toji… Kayama?" Did this guy- did Toji seriously forget his own name??? Mood.

Planting herself right on the bench beside Toji, Toru flopped half of the worm back onto his own shoulders and leaned in with a wide smile that he tentatively returned. Ahhhh! He can see her emote. How awesome is that?

"And I'm Toru Hagakure. Call me Toru! Alrightie! Introductions are over. Now time for the personal questions; specifically about me! What color is my hair? What color are my eyes? Skin? Any freckles, how about-"

Raising his hands up in the air in surrender, Toji slipped his sunglasses back onto his face and leaned a little away from her. "Chill, chill! I'm not going anywhere, and from all those bruises on your lower torso I doubt you are either."

Damn, she had actually forgotten his quirk was a broad scanner quirk and not just a quirk-radar. That was actually super impressive. She'd need to ask him some questions about it… after she got through the laundry list of questions burning a hole in her brain!

Tapping the side of his face, Toji tilted his glasses down slightly to look at her before he let out a hum. "Well first off, you're completely wrapped in this funky iridescent aura that's kinda flowing around you like water. That's your quirk."

Alright, her quirk was secretly a magic gasoline bubble. She didn't really know what to do with that.

"What about my hair?" Toji tilted his head back and forth like a metronome, before giving the verdict.

"Lemon-lime." Toru reeled back in furious disgust at that.

"No…." Toji just nodded solemnly as he patted her on the back.

"If it makes you feel better, it's about an eighty to twenty ratio on the lemon to lime coloration so you look more like a parakeet than anything else. And a few strands are the same color as your quirk." That actually did make her feel better.

He just continued to speak as she focused on the mental image he was building. "You have really fluffy eyelashes, and they're basically an entire ring around your eyes. They're the same yellowish green color as your hair, so they go well with your eyes."

Letting out a jaw-cracking yawn, Toru slumped back against the bench, using the hungry plushie as a pillow. "And what color are they? Lemon-lime as well, or funky iridescent like the quirk?"

Toji just opened both palms and pretended to throw confetti at her. "Plot twist, it's none of the above. They're actually dark blue, like the kind you see on sonar. They even have a few electric green rings in them that are a similar color to my own eyes, actually."

Damn, she had nuclear waste peepers? No wonder people could feel her eyes burning holes in the back of their heads if she stared too long!

Tucking his half of the hungry caterpillar beside her head in shameless imitation of her genius, Toji leaned back with his own yawn before looking at her over the rim of his shades. "Hey, sorry if this is a bad question but uh… how'd you end up in the hospital? Those bruises on your stomach look rough."

Eh, they barely even hurt at this point. Hooray for opiates. "Oh, same old, same old. I just got bumper bumped by a shithead driver that thought the curb was the next frontier. What about you?"

"Oh man, you are not going to believe this!" Letting out a little hyena cackle to himself, Toji leaned in closer and began to tell Toru about the worst. Month. EVER!!!

---

Comments are appreciated. I enjoy hearing what people have to say about this new version of the story.

Spoiler: Author's Note

Half the time the nurse talked about Toji I was actively writing it like a fake pet listing. Why did he choose the name Toji? Well, partially because it got grandfathered in from the original version where it was just a total shitpost and I actually grew attached to the name. Partially because the version of "Toji" from JJK that he decided to rip as a name actually means "second person" which is really funny considering Yoichi's name. Also for a few reasons I won't say.

Satoru as a name would've fit him really well btw. Kayama Satoru would roughly translate into Unconscious Enlightenment, which both goes hard as hell and works well with both his current power and a few he'll get in the future. And yet, him choosing a name that has nothing to do with his powers somehow fits him a bit more…

I purposefully dressed Toji like an absolute poser fuckboy because I thought Nemuri would absolutely dress him up like an overtly expensive doll if he didn't fight back, and since Toji is easily led along by the nose the chances of him fighting back were slim to none. If Toji ever figures out how much his wardrobe actually costs his brain will explode. Just for clarity's sake 100 yen = $1. If anything the yen should be worth way more than the USD in this timeline since America is a wasteland behind the scenes, but whatever.

Shout out to Mgunh1 for making me realize how funny the name Toji Kayama is after I settled on it in the original fic. Shout out to Fried Lilium for the wormie plushie. It was a good idea for both a cute moment and a homage to the og fanfic, and it was literally effortless to slide into this chapter so I had no reason not to.

 

[UndeadLord22]

I still want that Purple Guy FNAF story that MC would just blutter out and make Nemuri think that he just went through something even worse than Human Traffiking.

 

[CosmicBigfoot]

make Nemuri think that he just went through something even worse than Human Traffiking.

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Reading this kinda made me realize just how cartoonishly miserable I made Toji's backstory, lmao. In the span of about two chapter's Toji has lost his brother, gotten run over by a uhaul, got abducted by scavs, went full ghoul mode from a month long coma and had to eat amnesia paste to compensate, and is now living in a Neo Tokyo one retirement party away from going into Purge mode. In retrospect would they even bat an eye at the Purple Guy plotline at this point? Eventually it's just another drop in the bucket that is Toji's prequel...

 

[Johonyjoejimbo]

You know this shit getting watched. Love the work my being in Christ, keep it up. (As long as you dont burn out/start getting too stressed from it.)

 

[materialalternative7]

Mk2 still has the juice

 

[TheDanny]

Quickly glancing at nurse Ashido's chest (she was just checking the nametag, honest!)

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She knew better than to flirt with nurses. None of them ever wore their wedding rings while at work.

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Well damn, at least we know Toru...doesn't immediately not have any chance. You go girl!

She was pretty sure she could give her entire third year art class an assignment to create the most pitiful looking creature imaginable, and none of them would have come even a quarter as close as this kid's bio-mom did.

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Why'd she pivot to this being about his bio-mom? Seems like a random thing given all the description.

Snowy just hummed at that. "I honestly don't know, I never actually watched the show. I've only ever read fanfiction for it." Fair enough

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Oh my god, not only is he a filthy brony...he's also a complete poser!

Well, he's got her there. But still, Toji Kayama would be… not bad? Toji isn't really a common name, but she's preeeetty sure it's main use was for winter solstice? Or more directly, winter's darkest night. Which would mean his full name now translates into "The dark slumbering mountain."

it means snowy winter mountain." She didn't need to see the kid's eyes to know they were wider than they were a moment ago.

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I don't get it, doesn't her last name mean fragrance or some other kind of smell? Where did the dark and slumbering part come from? I thought the only sleep connotations came from her first name?

And I'm Toru Hagakure. Call me Toru! Alrightie! Introductions are over. Now time for the personal questions; specifically about me! What color is my hair? What color are my eyes? Skin? Any freckles, how about-"

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By the time she finished U.A the cars will be bouncing off of her ass!

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Yeah, with the way she's built lots of things be bouncing off of her!
Edit: Wait a minute, nvm on the lewds. I didn't realize this wasn't in the NSFW section.

He looked… cute? Absolutely not her type (maybe if the sentence started with an S in front of the H…)

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Dammit! *Falls to my knees and punches the ground* I was too late in posting my comment and ended up missing my chance!

I was planning on posting a prayer that the author considers changing Toru's sexuality for this rewrite from pure gay to bi. It would have opened up the possibility for her to do the most based play possible of all time! A total Kayama family SWEEP if you will.

But now that Toru sandwich will never end up being made, not without the crucial bread!

Spoiler: POV: Toru winning a Kayama style Oyakodon

 

[CosmicBigfoot]

Why'd she pivot to this being about his bio-mom? Seems like a random thing given all the description.

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She was basically saying that she could've told an entire class of artists to make the saddest looking creature ever and the woman that popped out Toji would've ace'd the assignment just by giving birth to him. The mom herself doesn't matter for the bit, it's literally just "damn your mom popped out one sad little creature."

I don't get it, doesn't her last name mean fragrance or some other kind of smell? Where did the dark and slumbering part come from? I thought the only sleep connotations came from her first name?

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The name Nemuri means sleep, while the name Kayama contains the kanji for fragrance (香 ka) and mountain (山 yama). The name Toji chose was supposed to mean "second person" due to the kanji Gege used while writing JJK, but the common kanji for Toji actually means winter solstice (and the kanji used for it involve darkness, so it's specifically "night of the winter solstice". So Toji Kayama would mean winter solstice over the fragrant mountain. Or if you read it backwards, the smell of the mountain on winter solstice. There's tons of ways to read it, but basically all of them are really edgy and melodramatic. I'm not fluent in Japanese so I'm sure someone that's actually fluent in it would scream at this, but that's the intent with the kanji.

But now that Toru sandwich will never end up being made, not without the crucial bread!

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They can always take turns tormenting a bisexual woman
Also, any idea what's that final pic's from? I swear it looks super familiar.

 

[nayrik]

Quamtum Evolution, if kept could allow for sole rule 63 nonsense.

 

[TheDanny]

They can always take turns tormenting a bisexual woman

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But Bigfoot, that needs a bisexual woman first! You can't have a good wholesome threesome without all participants finding both others at least a little attractive. That would just end up being gay sex with a witness......not bad but still!

 

[CosmicBigfoot]

Quamtum Evolution, if kept could allow for sole rule 63 nonsense.

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If I ever did decide to have Toji go full gender shifter there is a specific power I would give him solely so I could contribute to a decade old Worm shitpost that was hated so much by Wildbow that he retconned it three times over and completely obliterated the character it was tied to. That's right! Everyone knows him, everyone loves him. Give it up for...!

Browbeat

How does personal biokinesis, a protective force field, and tactile telekinesis sound as a power set? You're nearly impossible to completely incapacitate or subdue due to your combination of powers, and any one facet of your power being negated tends to be covered by the others. Nullifying your force field and telekinesis doesn't change the fact that you're already shifted into a super-humanly strong hulk, and at any other time you're a juggernaut who can wreck opponents with just the tiniest glancing blow. Strength for your telekinesis is 30 tons over your base physical strength, and your force field is durable enough to casually tank...well a tank. The creative uses of your biokinesis are nearly limitless.​

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Will I do it? Almost definitely probably not. Would it be funny if I did it? Well to me it would be.

That would just end up being gay sex with a witness

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You need a witness for something? Toru's probably already there. Waiting. Watching.

Toru would never admit it, but she was a bit of a voyeur. Yeah haha, the invisible girl uses her powers to stare at people
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This wasn't "a gross invasion of privacy", this was... a lifestyle!
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And it sure was a good thing Toru liked people watching without consent

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