Karlach's own adamantine weapon cleaved through even the toughest flesh as if it were air, and while she had no nigh-invulnerable armor or regeneration of his own she didn't need it so long as she operated in tandem with me. As long as I could tank the majority of the damage her own wounds never accumulated beyond what a veteran warrior was already accustomed to withstanding in battle despite the unrelenting odds, and with her sword to flank and augment mine the enemy never got a chance to surround us and overwhelm us from our sides or rear. Shadowheart remained a pace to my left throughout just as Karlach anchored my right, her Spirit Guardians spell blazing forth and incinerating all the smaller vermin and scuttlers with the sheer force of its radiance just as the Spear of Night did its own work covering my flank and impaling the bigger ones. Gale remained behind us, having used up a good half of his spells keeping us from being swarmed under by clumps of enemies so numerous that even the Spirit Guardians couldn't stop them all before they drowned us underneath the weight of their bodies.
her
"I am really starting to hate that thing's sense of timing." Shadowheart agreed wearily as we all piled frantically out onto the roof. We got there just in time to see the brainstem detach from the ground. It's tip slowly, insolently traveled up past our eyes as the Netherbrain began to levitate up to altitude.
Its
"Where the hells did those even come from?!?" Wyll swore. "Every nautiloid we saw at Moonrise has been accounted for already?"
On review, I guess this does work for a sort of overwhelmed puzzlement, but the paragraph is a bit overloaded with question- (and exclamation-)marks.
"Selune, blessed Lady of Silver, patron of those who quest-" she began.
"Lathander, our Morninglord, patron of renewal-" Dawnmaster Arkhold began, immediately catching on to their intent. The Blood of Lathander blazed forth even more brilliantly than usual as he used the divine weapon as the focus for his own calling-
"As the silver moon waxes and wanes-" she continued, and Isobel joined in alongside her-
This should be
her, since Isobel hasn't yet jumped in with Shadowheart.
We can still provide secondary support. Orpheus' own mind-voice came through calmly, as him and Voss also came in. And we can distract the brain. It could overwhelm any single mortal mind by calculating its moves ahead of time, but the possible neural permutations of nine minds in concert are enormously more complex than a simple ninefold multiplication!
Shouldn't this be
he?
"I thank you for your plaudits, Grand Duke, and I will soon send my emissary to you to clarify any further details that may need resolving." Prince Orpheus greeted him regally from the saddle. "But for now my people must swiftly withdraw from this city. All the ghaik that directly served the elder brain are now dead along with it, but before it died it was attempting to summon allies. I must muster my forces – including those I summoned but have yet to arrive – and ensure that none remain in the near astral or arrive here. Furthermore, with the elder brain now gone Vlaakith will soon dispatch her own githyanki hither to find and slay me – I would be a poor ally indeed if I remained here and drew that trouble down upon you."
I think this would be clearer if you added
that or
who (depending on whether you want us to think of them as military units or as people).
"I did only what was necessary and permitted, Garrett Hawke." Jergal nodded gravely. "It was thou who went above and beyond .Many other possible champions could have also defeated the Absolute and foil the plot of the Dead Three. But few indeed could have done so in the particular manner that you have, and fewer yet would have. The deeds that thou hast done here will echo across the face of time and the differing planes in many ways both direct and indirect, and few of those ways will be for ill."
beyond. Many
foiled
I was amused to find out that Alfira's proposed bard school was now enjoying a positive explosion of new funding, to the point she'd actually been regifting the majority of it to refugee reilef and reconstruction. This was partly because of her own minor glory as one of the tiefling refugees who'd so selflessly turned out to save the city that had barely even wanted to let them in and now couldn't quite praise them enough, but largely because as the one bard who'd actually been present throughout our entire quest from the Emerald Grove onward she was automatically presumed to be the authoritative source regarding exactly what the story of Baldur's Gate's latest heroes had been. And every other bard, chronicler, scholarly society, and the generally curious were gladly doing her whatever favors they could to convince her to share it. I took mercy on the poor young woman and spent two entire days giving her most of the details of our story from front to back, as unvarnished and factual as we could make it, so that she could handle the job of making sure it was written into history. Alfira gave me her most solemn oath not to Varric the whole thing up too much.
relief
As to more mundane concerns… well, to put it succinctly we were bidding fair to be set up for life. We had the wealth we'd adventuring and from the rewards granted us by a grateful city council, my new noble rank, and the fact that I could have had essentially any position in the city government that Ulder Ravengard had the authority to grant me free for the asking and she'd have been deputy High Initiate of the Selunite temple of Baldur's Gate likewise. Plus there were all the commercial and other opportunities potentially available to someone whose prestige was so well and truly that of the hero of the hour. My and Shadowheart's material prospects were as favorable as anyone could expect, and we'd never have needed to delve into another dungeon again unless we felt like it. The Grand Duke would even have been willing to 'reorganize' a few property lines as part of the Upper City's reconstruction and grant us room for a generously-sized mansion and estate.
Seems like there's a word missing here -
won would be fairly typical.
Lae'zel had returned both to attend my departure and to help close out what official affairs remained unresolved between his court and Baldur's Gate regarding their temporary alliance, just as Orpheus had promised. It was amusing to find out that Lae'zel, who had so legendarily scorned diplomacy when we'd first met, had effectively become the chief diplomatic envoy for Orpheus' court. She was not only his kith'rak with the most experience at living among non-githyanki but was also one of his most mentally flexible people. Furthermore, as a githyanki of the current generation who had had no prior connection with Orpheus' followers prior to his return and yet still solidly within his innermost circle of advisors, Lae'zel was effectively a living symbol to the gith at large that Orpheus was not merely a political rival attempting to seize power for his own cronies at the expense of Vlaakith but a genuine reformer attempting to offer a new way of living for all gith, longtime Comet conspirators and newcomers alike.
This makes sense on a second reading... but throwing the pronoun at the reader before the name it is standing in for dropped me out of the story the first time through.
"That's why exactly I'm going, sir." Karlach said cheerfully. "I spent my whole life in the Gate, then I spent ten years of it trapped in Hell, and then I spent a few weeks of it out on the long road with Hawke and company… and those few weeks were the happiest part of my whole life. Everything new, everything fresh, everything full of sights and sounds I'd never seen before, good fights in good company… and a commander that I could really, really trust. I definitely want some more of that before I think about settling down, and going with Hawke to an entirely new world and a new set of challenges sounds like the best idea ever to me!"
These would usually be in the opposite order; is reversing them Karlach's voice?
