[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[AndrewJTalon]

How It Happened – Part 2

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Count wrote a continuation.

And this is the second chapter in a row where I managed to light every one of Whitley's nerves on fire. This is not going to be a thing every chapter.

I'll get this posted on SB in short order. But now that Dragonslayer week is over, I felt that it was right to work on something non-Dragonslayer again and was able to bang this out.

Thoughts, feedback?

Also, @AndrewJTalon, nice work on the Cinder & Pyrrha snippet.

Click to shrink...

The exposition was pretty well handled. You did misspell "Warrant Offizier". You could tighten up the dialogue a little, though you do have fairly decent voice differentiation between characters.

And thanks. I thought it might have been good if a bit cliche to enhance both Cinder and Pyrrha's characters.

 

[CountvonBarnOwl]

The exposition was pretty well handled. You did misspell "Warrant Offizier". You could tighten up the dialogue a little, though you do have fairly decent voice differentiation between characters.

And thanks. I thought it might have been good if a bit cliche to enhance both Cinder and Pyrrha's characters.

Click to shrink...

Bad idea?

I'm trying to capture the General's Edward Richthofen tone of voice and his propensity to click back into his native when I can get away with it, and the fact that Amzel is basically an archetypal Germanic mad scientist. Unfortunately, the only German I know all involves weapons, munitions, tanks, planes, premodern mercenaries, philosophers I have wildly varying relationships with. Certain classical songs and poems that I particularly like. I cannot say I know very much about the language.

So it comes off as disjointing and breaking the flow of the story? Like, it isn't readily apparent that this is just the way the character talks?

So, might I ask further how I can make Amzel sound like a giggling mad scientist?

In your estimation, what does he lack?

 

[ThunderBasilisk]

Peleus needs the beetle treatment from the Mummy