Chapter 36: War (What Is It Good For)
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"Now that we have unified East Asia-" Yoshitsune began. "It would be beneficial to hold a grand meeting between all original rulers. Would Chang'an works as a meeting point?"
I stared blankly at her.
"...If you have questions just voice them."
"Where's Chang'an again? Why is it so important? Why do we need to have a grand meeting when I pass by like 2/3 of the rulers every single day? Is this meeting open to the public or something or is it just formalities? Why do people not consider rock and roll musi-"
She glared at me. I shut up.
"To answer in order." She finally said. "Chang'an is the capital of Taika, the city where you met Qin Shi Huang for the first time. Remember the Terracotta Army? Beside that it's located right in the middle of East Asia, giving it a great symbolic meaning. Yes the rulers we defeated live and fight with us now, but the point of this meeting is to gather together the members of the different countries' bureaucracies, so we can work on establishing a proper government: right now Zipang, Taika, India and Mongolia still operate like separate states. While it will not be open to the public, we can have representatives for the common people participate. Satisfied?"
"...This meeting is going to suck isn't it." I groaned, placing a hand on my face, "Welp, this sounds like it's going to be ridiculously out of my area of expertise."
"Why going all the way to Chang'an anyway?" Nobu complained. "Can't we just use the seeing stones?"
The fuck are the seeing stones. Oh wait the brick phones.
"Because there are not enough for everyone, and the amount of magic needed to keep them running for entire days is prohibitive." Sei answered.
"Lady Seimei, I've completed the investigation you requested." Tama opened the door, Marco on her side.
"Oh good, good. So, was it as I suspected?"
"Yes my lady. Here's the report."
Sei took the roll and unfurled it, the smile on her lips shrinking the more she read until it was just a straight line. "...I hoped I was wrong, but I suppose I'm too good for that."
"Oh boy." I waved, "Care to inform the rest of us?"
"Remember those pirates that attacked Zipang before we could secure the sea lines? It turned out body-concealing robes wasn't the only thing they all shared. I had a suspicion, so I gave Inou-chan some side tasks during the recent campaigns." She gave me the report. "The mysterious peddler who sold Qin Shi Huang mercury as medicine-"
"Oh god they're connected aren't they."
"Yes. And so are the adviser who encouraged the Maharaja to become tyrants and the members of a failed attempt to destabilize Kublai Khan's rule."
Marco nonchalantly whistled while admiring her nails.
"All of them had one thing in common: they were carrying the same pendant."
I paused, before suddenly looking down at the paper to find the sketch of a pendent.
A very,
very familiar looking pendant.
My hand slammed down on the table with a loud bang, "Son of a bitch they're all connected!"
Himiko looked over my shoulders and gasped. "That's-! Takeru's pendant!"
"Wait what?" Nobu stood up. "Someone explain what's happening!"
"Okay so like you guys know how Yamato disappeared right?" I explained, putting the paper in the center of the table for everyone to see. "Well when Himiko found her again she had complete amnesia, a dying body with no heartbeat,
and this fucking pendant."
"What do you mean
dying body with no heartbeat?!"
"Necromancy. Or, more specifically, tampering with the soul-body link." Sei nodded gravely. "It's just a theory born from ancient legends, but as long as the soul remains on this plane a person it's not
technically dead. But by the same token, being able to affect this link should also give someone the power to tamper with the brain, which connect the soul's emotions and memories with the body." She sighed. "This is a curse on a level I have never seen before."
"Okay so, what we're dealing with is a potentially world wide conspiracy by something so powerful it can fuck with the afterlife in order to, what? From it's actions so far it's main goal seems to be to destabilize all the countries in the world." I grabbed a blank piece of paper and began scribbling stuff down, "In Mongolia they were the most obvious but totally failed because Mongolia, in India they corrupted the leaders into tyrants, in Taika they poisoned Shi, and in Zipang they obviously resurrected Yamato and brainwashed her for... some reason. She was probably a trigger bomb sent to go Yamata when Zipang was united or something but I
don't think they expected me at all. As for the pirates... Well, all I can think they could've done was prevent us from going and expanding outwards. All of these actions seem to have leaned towards wanting to make sure no country gets too good but I can't figure out what their main goal is. Did they want to make sure the world war goes on forever?"
For a moment time
stopped. In the ensuing absolute silence I heard EMIYA's words:
"Finally figured it out, have you? It was worth it to use the excess power to subtly influence those around you."
And then everything returned to normal.
"Fucking hell EMIYA was that really goddamn necessary!" I gasped, shivering. "Why the hell did you feel the need to go and stop
time ugh. Smug bastard."
"Oni-san, are you alright? You were staring at nothing and didn't respond when we called you." Himiko asked with clear worry. "And who is this Emiya person?"
"If you are right..." Yoshi stared grimly at both Tama's report and my scribblings. "This is bigger than we thought."
"No, this is bullshit of the highest order." Nobu flopped back on her seat and crossed her arms with a sneer. "Fucking magic, fucking conspiracies. Fucking everything."
"Nobu I'm in a world where Marco Polo is an Assassin, King Arthur is a love freak, and fucking Amazon is an actual country. A conspiracy is just par for the course at this point." I sighed, "So anyways I'm thinking of calling this conspiracy BEAST for now, until they actually start showing and maybe monologue or something I don't fucking know. Any objections?"
There was none. Himiko kept staring at the reports, a thunderous expression on her face.
====
To the shock of no one mere hours after we arrived at Chang'an it was hit with a BEAST attack.
Because seriously once you realize
they exist they become ridiculously obvious.
"They're within range!" Sun waved her stick in a large arc. "Mongol archers, fire! Second round! Third round! Fire at the designated targets! We'll break the enemy formation and pull through using the least amount of strength!"
"So," I called out to Sun, "How's the situation looking right now?"
"I sent Lu to flank their exposed side." The enemy formation broke, with many distant points vaguely looking like people filling the sky. "Right there. Good thing her arm healed just in time for this battle. Chang'an's walls hold strong, and with the addition of three other armies we have enough reserves to grind them into dust. Though, I don't recommend fighting back just yet."
"Mmm." I nodded, "Far as I can tell, BEAST hasn't thrown any hero units they brainwashed at us yet. If they want to destroy us that badly it probably won't be long before one shows up."
"Does the figure approaching the gates all alone count?" Nobu asked while peering at the battlefield.
"...I'm going to say yes until proven otherwise." I began, turning to where Nobu was facing and what the fuuuu- "Okay so, big ass knight over there with a sword in one hand and some kind of red monstrosity in the other. Seems to go with the Nobu school of dressing so... European? Probably? Lancelot you recognize her?"
"Eeh, let's see..." Balancing on the rails she leaned forward. Her smile turned into a perplexed frown. "Wait. What is Balin doing there?"
"Brainwashed. Probably." Also Balin? I've never heard of that knight. Though admittedly there's too many to keep track of at some point, "Aren't BEAST attacks
fun."
"Brainwashed? That's bad." She replied with an even tone. "We should inform Her Majesty. Ah, and be careful if you fight her: Balin is among the strongest and more experienced of the Knights of the Round. Those weapons she wields... Merlin enchanted them so that they cause
explosions, not cuts."
Note: Merlin exists.
"And she probably got a power up as well because that's just how BEAST operates. Great." I muttered, "So! Who's going to be the one to call out to her?"
"Wouldn't it be better to use all of our troops?" Sun questioned. "I even have a new type of weapon: a cannon!"
"A cannon?!" Nobu shouted. "Let me see it!"
"Holy shit you have a canon." I attempted to whistle, "When did we get a fucking
canon?"
"Amazon, Super-Special Exclusive Edition for Royalty."
"Huh. You really can buy everything off Amazon- Wait." I paused, "Is it really a good idea to launch a cannonball at the woman who's cuts cause explosions?"
Sun blinked. "What's the worst that can happen?"
"Uhm, everyone?" Himiko called out. "While you were arguing that warrior reached the wal-"
A whooshing sound. Followed by something slamming against the rails at such speed debris were sent flying everywhere.
"Haaaah... You little bugs are making so much noise." A rough, delinquent-like voice drawled as Balin stepped into view, the boredom in her empty eyes in contrast to the slasher smile on her lips. "Heh, you're all worthless. It makes me yawn. At least let me have a little fun..."
Well, shit.
Okay don't panic don't panic.
"Oi, britannian stripper." Dammit mouth no! "I think you got the wrong address, Scotland's the other way."
...That was baaaaad.
Her glare slowly focused on me. "Mmh? Do I know you...? Right, you're the Servant of Heaven. I'm supposed to mangle you good. Heh, then I'll leave you for last, and then cut you up real nicely... into mincemeat."
"Heeeyy! Baliiin!" Lancelot called out. "What are you doing? Snap out of it!"
She tilted her head. "Mmh? Do I know you?"
"It's me, Lancelot! I'm the rookie, remember? You forgot to hold back during my first day and sent me flying into the kitchen."
"Doesn't ring a damn bell. Seriously, quit your yapping. It's pissing me off."
"Okay seriously, are you pulling your lines from somewhere?" I asked, "'Cause those are like, the clichest of cliché lines. Like, next you're gonna say: 'Something something shut your mouth'."
She tilted her head back to me. "Nah."
"Kay."
She swung her right weapon, so fast only a sudden surge of power from within allowed me to dodge. The part of the wall struck blew off like a dozen kilos of dynamite, leaving behind a large crater two meters deep.
"More like 'something, something just die already'!"
I looked down at the wall before back at her, "Something something Ballllllin something."
"Oh my God STOP MAKING HER ANGRY!!!" Nobu screamed while firing her musket as fast as she could, every bullet being deflected by Balin's armor or her weapons.
"Bow corps! Aim at the target! Cannon! Fire!" Sun ordered.
All arrows were dodged, and the cannonball slashed into two.
Sei's Shikigami rained over the redheaded knight, only to be swept aside by a single swing.
"Lu Bu is here!" The Taika general jumped over the wall, both spears poised to strike. "Taste the full power of my Sky Piercer!"
The blow, more than twice as strong as the one Lu once used against me with only one arm, was parried by Balin's sword. The ground around her shattered, but she herself hadn't a single scratch.
"Hey. Is this a joke?" She drawled before swinging her other weapon, sending Lu flying back with another explosion. "I thought you guys were better than this? How worthless..."
"We try."
"DON'T JUST STAND THERE! DO SOMETHING!" Sun screamed from behind cover.
"Right right!" I yelled, pulling Kusanagi out of it's sheath. "God this is going to hurt... Right okay fighting time!"
Balin was upon me in an instant, her left weapon ready to pound me into a bloody mess. I attempted to dash out of the way of the weapon, using Kusanagi to block the blade as the sound of metal on metal rang on the wall.
I quickly found out that Balin hit ever harder than Yamato on a very good day, and that trying to block just result in an explosion to the face. Luckily, instead of ending into bloody chunks I was simply pushed back with my skin stinging. "Ow... God
how do those explosions work- Annnd you don't want to talk anymore do you."
She took a step forward.
"Hiken."
The air stilled. Like, literally: it was like trying to breath through molasses. Not that I knew what that felt like.
Balin whipped her head around, eyes widening.
"Tsubame Gaeshi!"
One. Two. Three. Three perfectly executed, simultaneous slashes converged upon the brainwashed knight like a lightning strike, locking her within a cage of certain death.
One slash was parried. The second one was also parried.
The third one cut diagonally through Balin's front armor, moving through metal, flesh and bones like they were not even there.
"...What?" Balin croaked, her wound bleeding profusely.
"Have no fear: I missed your vitals." Sasaki cooly declared while stepping into view, her long katana already drawn. "The Ganryu Style of Swordsmanship frowns upon killing from the back. Furthermore, I was ordered to just contain you."
"Humans are just bigger swallows." I muttered, "Oi, Sasaki. She look she's still in any condition to fight?"
"I just need her to talk." Himiko stormed past Sasaki, flanked by Yoshi, BenBen and Maragi. She was glaring in fury at Balin. "Where is Takeru? Give her back! Give her back to me!"
"...Bff. Buahahahahaha!!!" The knight began to laugh uproariously, uncaring of her wound-
which has already stopped bleeding. "That was good! Really good! So even bugs like you have fangs! Your bite certainly sting! Thanks for helping me kill time. I'm gonna mangle you... It'll be heaven before it's hell!"
Balin flexed her muscles, hands clenching so hard around her weapons you could heard cracks coming from them. Her capillaries became visible, glowing an ugly purple. It was
creepy.
"Raise your guard!" Yoshi shouted.
The next instant Balin shot forward like a missile, her movements noticeably faster and, as it was proven by the next explosion, her strength even more bullshit.
The next melee was a chaotic affair that saw everyone against Balin, and despite the numerical disparity both sides were evenly matched. And being part of that chaos as well, I could barely keep track of everything as the beast of a woman took all of us on in what had to be the biggest clusterfuck I had ever been in.
Himiko, Sun and Maragi stood back, casting healing and strengthening spells on us when needed.
Nobu and Sei darted around the melee, shooting bullets and spells when they had a clear line of sight.
Benben, Sasaki and a recently returned Lu kept Balin's right side occupied, while me, Yoshi and Lancelot did the same with the left one.
No matter what we did, no matter how much she was wounded: the redheaded knight just. Refused. To. Go.
Down.
"Kehehe! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Balin laughed during a brief lull in the fighting, the rest of her body stained the same color as her hair. "Oh, it's been so long since I had so much
fun!"
"That actually brings a question to mind," I began, continuing to move while holding up a guarded stance. "Who are you anyways?"
"Mmh? Didn't the bug over there say my name already?" She tilted her head towards a panting Lancelot. "What more do you need to know?"
"Well, your name and looks might be the same but it's obvious your memories aren't." I narrowed my eyes, "So which is it, are you Balin of the Knights of the Round Table, or are you just someone who can't keep a grip on their own mind?"
"The fuck are you-guh!" She jerked, one hand letting go of her weapon to clutch at her temples. "The... fuck..." Her eyes flashed between orange and black.
The pendant around her neck glowed with the same light. The next instant she melted into the ground, just like Yamata did.
"...What the fuck?" I blinked, "I mean it's obvious what happened but... What the fuck?"
"Gotta agree with the brat: what the fuck?" Nobu asked.
"I don't feel her anymore... It appears she teleported away." Sei looked around. "Maybe BEAST's control over her mind faltered, and they decided to cut their losses?"
"That's almost definitely what happened, the way her eyes flickered, I think we saw a bit of her real self back there." I paused, thinking back on it a bit. "...I think it's the pendant."
"A foci. Yes, all powerful spells need a linchpin to keep working for an extended amount of time."
"Then, if we remove or destroy the pendant..." Himiko said with rising hope.
"We take away their brainwashing as well, or at least any active control BEAST has over them." I nodded, "It's probably why they have so many people wearing their pendants. Those people probably don't even know they're being brainwashed... Hey! Check if some of those guys made it out alive! We're going to have to test this!"
Several people did indeed survive. After removing the pendants and nursing them back to health we discovered they didn't remember a thing about their actions, with the last memory being of a stranger selling or gifting them with the pendant. Most of them came from East Asia, but others were from all over the world.
"Well, if anything,this confirms that BEAST is a worldwide threat." I sighed, "Though the fact that they were able to make an entire army like that... honestly what the hell how long have they had these guys for."
"I checked: those from East Asia were recruited after we set off to conquer Taika, while most of the others go as far as a few years." Yoshi grimly informed me.
"I see, ugh. They probably didn't think of any of the nations around here as a threat and then promptly flipped their shit when the plan for Zipang didn't go well. Which must mean that they have armies in Europe and other countries as well." I groaned,
"Great. Who knows, at this point BEAST could've been since the start of the world war. Hell I wouldn't even be surprised if they were the ones who caused it in the first place. It's not like anyone actually knows the series of events that started it."
"We'll beat them. We'll find them and we'll beat them." Himiko declared, hands clenched. "We'll rescue Takeru!"
PART TWO: THIS WORLD IS WACKIER THAN I THOUGHT
END
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Notes:
Chen: What the hell happened in the original? Did they never even figure out what was going on?
Alex: Yes, but much later.
Chen: Oh my god they're idiots.
Alex: Japanese game.
Chen: Fair point.
