Gaming Stories, Video and Tabletop

[Megaolix]

GM: *introduces friend to the Dnd Campaign*

Me: I'm going to have to tone myself down

New Player: If we have to I will torture children in front of their parents to get information.

Me: Oh, you fit in with us.

Click to shrink...

Oh boy, now I wonder what new sociopathy we'll witness.

And yet I wonder if any will ever do something spectacular that we'll never forget. At this point, we're used to the insanity.

 

[shadowdice]

Oh boy, now I wonder what new sociopathy we'll witness.

And yet I wonder if any will ever do something spectacular that we'll never forget. At this point, we're used to the insanity.

Click to shrink...

She managed to have the first 30 minutes of our last session be dedicated to that she will kill pedophiles in-game, leading to all of us being very confused as we kept telling her that there weren't any in-game and would not be any.

Then she immediately started trying to in-character seduce everyone despite only having +4 in persuade.

When we got to the base our group bought, she insisted that there had to be something wrong with it.

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: What if it is haunted or cursed

Me: GM, I use divine sense.

GM: It seems clean, as a Paladin, you can sense nothing wrong with it.

Me: *pours holy water everywhere as she keeps getting into the haunted stuff* It is fine

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: What if everyone in the town is weird, or they think we are weird since we are a bunch of people moving in who never talk to them and it is like Twilight.

Me: We are moving into the fortress near the town, I expect we would be considered different no matter what

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: So, we need to spend a lot of time in town.

Us: Sure

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: And I should seduce all of the married women so they say nice things about us

Me:...What?

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: Women are never objects of suspicion, we are always in the background too

Me: This is a fantasy realm where pretty much everything is egalitarian. One of the people who made it so we could get this fortress was a noblewoman who ruled a city and fought off a siege.

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: And women are more open to cheating, and men never suspect that it would be with another womann

Me: Again, fantasy realm. Also, you are raising the DC by going for the married women. Which would also make it so they hate us.

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: It will be fine

GM: You would be raising the DC.

*later when we enter a bar which we soon learn is the place of work of like a 13th level wizard or something*

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: Wait, there is a baby griffon?

GM: Yes

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: I pick it up and start cuddling, I will kill anyone who tries to take it away from me

Me: These people own the griffon

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: If I love it and shower it with affection, it will consider me its mother, and I can add to my collection of animals. do you know how powerful a griffon is

Me: I can show you the stat block is, aside from health value. not that much. also, DO NOT PISS OFF THE WIZARD WHO IS TWICE OUR LEVEL

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: Why would he stop me?

Me: Because this is the pet of the bar. Leave the griffon alone

GM: The wizard is going to tell you that the store would prefer if you don't manhandle Coco the baby griffon.

Me: PUT THE GRIFFON DOWNn

GM: Also, Warlord, your brother and sisters enter the tavern since this is where you told them to meet you

Warlord: Oh GOD NO, they brought my brother

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: Oh, I'll poison them

Me: What?

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: He doesn't like them so I'll poison them

Me; Don't just randomly poison family members, just because he doesn't like one of them doesn't mean he wants you to murder them all. Also, don't poison people in the bar run by like a 10th or higher level wizard! We will all die if you do that

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: But it is as a favor

Me: DON'T POISON PEOPLE IN THE BAR RUN BY THE GUY WHO CAN NUKE THE FORTRESS

GM: He is going to tell you not to poison people in his place of work.

 

[Megaolix]

-Snip-

Click to shrink...

Oh, THAT kind of crazy, I see...

For some reason, I cannot imagine her lasting long.

 

[aabbcc]

She managed to have the first 30 minutes of our last session be dedicated to that she will kill pedophiles in-game, leading to all of us being very confused as we kept telling her that there weren't any in-game and would not be any.

Then she immediately started trying to in-character seduce everyone despite only having +4 in persuade.

When we got to the base our group bought, she insisted that there had to be something wrong with it.

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: What if it is haunted or cursed

Me: GM, I use divine sense.

GM: It seems clean, as a Paladin, you can sense nothing wrong with it.

Me: *pours holy water everywhere as she keeps getting into the haunted stuff* It is fine

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: What if everyone in the town is weird, or they think we are weird since we are a bunch of people moving in who never talk to them and it is like Twilight.

Me: We are moving into the fortress near the town, I expect we would be considered different no matter what

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: So, we need to spend a lot of time in town.

Us: Sure

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: And I should seduce all of the married women so they say nice things about us

Me:...What?

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: Women are never objects of suspicion, we are always in the background too

Me: This is a fantasy realm where pretty much everything is egalitarian. One of the people who made it so we could get this fortress was a noblewoman who ruled a city and fought off a siege.

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: And women are more open to cheating, and men never suspect that it would be with another womann

Me: Again, fantasy realm. Also, you are raising the DC by going for the married women. Which would also make it so they hate us.

Abused Half-Elf Science Experiment: It will be fine

GM: You would be raising the DC.

*later when we enter a bar which we soon learn is the place of work of like a 13th level wizard or something*

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: Wait, there is a baby griffon?

GM: Yes

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: I pick it up and start cuddling, I will kill anyone who tries to take it away from me

Me: These people own the griffon

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: If I love it and shower it with affection, it will consider me its mother, and I can add to my collection of animals. do you know how powerful a griffon is

Me: I can show you the stat block is, aside from health value. not that much. also, DO NOT PISS OFF THE WIZARD WHO IS TWICE OUR LEVEL

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: Why would he stop me?

Me: Because this is the pet of the bar. Leave the griffon alone

GM: The wizard is going to tell you that the store would prefer if you don't manhandle Coco the baby griffon.

Me: PUT THE GRIFFON DOWNn

GM: Also, Warlord, your brother and sisters enter the tavern since this is where you told them to meet you

Warlord: Oh GOD NO, they brought my brother

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: Oh, I'll poison them

Me: What?

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: He doesn't like them so I'll poison them

Me; Don't just randomly poison family members, just because he doesn't like one of them doesn't mean he wants you to murder them all. Also, don't poison people in the bar run by like a 10th or higher level wizard! We will all die if you do that

Abused Half Elf Science Experiment: But it is as a favor

Me: DON'T POISON PEOPLE IN THE BAR RUN BY THE GUY WHO CAN NUKE THE FORTRESS

GM: He is going to tell you not to poison people in his place of work.

Click to shrink...

They fit right in.

 

[shadowdice]

Oh, THAT kind of crazy, I see...

For some reason, I cannot imagine her lasting long.

Click to shrink...

in more funny and less horrible stories

Me: *making the group for a mutants and masterminds campaign* So what is your character's backstory

Fixer/Warlord/Tremere: My guy is Ivan Kars, a magician who was raised in a druidic commune that worships The Red. They learned from the teachings of the Pied Piper of Hamlin, and when he came of age he decided to ditch them because they seemed silly and were too mystical to explain of a lot of things. He got a degree in business and genetics, then started using his knowledge to create new and exotic creatures and even recreated some. he makes money by selling them to different groups so the military and Justice League probably hates him since he makes like flying horses that breathe fire

Me: The military probably like you if you sell these to them, but the Justice League definitely doesn't like this. The Red probably doesn't' care

Ivan: Yeah, that's why I have the benefit Ambassador of the Red

Me:...Were you the fucking Chosen One? Is this why the Red had to go down the list and pick Animal Man?

Ivan: Sure, I probably didn't realize that becoming the Avatar of the Red meant I would become God since the druids didn't explain it all that well, and probably regret it a bit now. And for the group, I probably know Magus (Medtech's Half Fairy Arthurian Knight) since he is magic and I try to keep abreast of every practitioner in the area.

Me: So, we have a guy fused with malfunctioning alien armor (Rocker/Gangrel), a half fairy knight who was raised in Avalon, and a guy who rejected being the chosen one and became a billionaire because he didn't know that he could become a functional god

Ivan: Yes, and I hope that Gangrel doesn't end up looking like a school shooter since he basically has a bunch of guns as all his attacks

Me: It is alien attacks so it probably looks like sci-fi weapons

Ivan: Does he even know what a Darkstar is, or is this going to be like Vampire

Me: I doubt he actually looked at the link I gave him, but he doesn't know what a Darkstar is in character, and that is an actual plotpoint. unlike vampire where it just seems to be that he refuses to look into important stuff or listen when I explain it. Which is how he got beaten to near death last session

Ivan:...What the fuck happened?

Me: You don't want to know, it was a string of him blatantly showing that he didn't listen or retain anything in most of the sessions we've had.

 

[Gregory Crey]

Me: You don't want to know, it was a string of him blatantly showing that he didn't listen or retain anything in most of the sessions we've had.

Click to shrink...

...Maybe he doesn't want to play so much as hang out with his friends and playing rpgs are what his friends want to do and he isn't the type to rock the boat, even when he has no interest in this stuff?

 

[shadowdice]

Mutants and Masterminds weirdness

Rocker/Gangrel is Darkstar (A guy with alien armor he doesn't really understand and works for a government contractor i.e his mom)
Fixer/Tremere is Ivan (A mage businessman of The Red)
Medtech/Lasombra is Magus (A half fairy knight from Avalon)
Traveler is an NPC

Spoiler: The Kraken Episode, Ivan wants to be crushed between amazon thighs

Me: Okay. I have played mutants and masterminds, partly to make sure shit doesn't go horribly wrong, I made an NPC hero. I've played M&M with what is essentially just 3 characters, it constantly ended horribly. It is just a inter dimensional alien from another Earth whose planet has gone through like three apocalypses

Ivan: What kind of Apocalypse

Traveler: Well, my ancestors were space aliens who traveled to earth and started to interbreed with humans. Then they lost all of their space travel tech after making a hybrid ruling class. Then we had a World War with lots of nukes and biological weapons which rendered almost everyone sterile and made the earth cold and grey. Then we had all of Italy get locked into place by superhuman from another dimension as the world rotated, destroying the center of our authoritarian government and everyone who lived there died, destroying a lot of our communications, medical infrastructure, and pretty much everything else which kept us functioning since no one area has enough stuff to keep active.

Ivan: How the fuck did that government stay funcntional

Traveler: My dad was an unaging semi-immortal who can tank gunshots to the face and has strong telepathy, enabling him to sense any dissent from the ruling class. Then he eats their kids, so no one was willing to rebel.

Darkstar: So you are an illegal (He said he was playing a patriot, instead it comes across as an unhinged jingoist)

Traveler: No I am a refuge if anything.

Ivan: So where do you live?

Traveler: My crashed spaceship, I can't actually fix it though since all the scientists died in the crash.

Ivan: So you are homeless, good.

Me: How do you guys want to know each other?

Ivan: I try to stay abreast of the magic users around so I'd know Magus. We could have fought someone.

Magus: Who?

Ivan: A monster of The Grey

Magus: The what?

Me: It is the parliament for fungus, like the green is for plants. Also, I'm just saying it here. I am rolling the Clear and Red together because the division is kind of stupid. Aquaman has controlled like seals and dolphins before, plus alligators and amphibians are a thing.

Ivan: Yeah, Parliaments get redundant with The Black and The Gray

Me: No that one makes sense. The Gray is fungus. The Black is Rot. The absence and death of life. The Gray is still a form of life.

Magus: So what would we have fought?

Me: Basically the monsters from Resident Evil 7

Ivan: Pretty much, also I probably have government and military contracts so I probably know Darkstar's mom. But probably not that they are related or his name.

Darkstar: Got it.

Me: And everybody knows about traveler because he is a superstrong interdimenisonal alien with blue skin

Ivan: So he is kind of like a local oddity

Me: Do you guys work together often, or do you just live in the city with occasional teamups

Ivan: probably the latter

Me: Okay, so. Would you guys be living together? Ivan's minions would probably cause problems

Ivan: I am not letting these people live with me. I live in the penthouse with my pets

Me: People probably constantly complain about the hippogriff

Ivan: And I pay off the hotel owners

Magus: I live in my dorm

Me: That better be a single

Magus: It is fine

Me: You have an armor and some kind of medieval weaponry.

Magus: I can put it under my bed

me: Medieval Armor

Magus: Yeah, under my bed

Me: these things are often used as decoration for walls and columns. Imagine trying to fit that under your bed.

Magus: I'm not sure then, just have it be a stand

Ivan: So people walk in and see that then

Me: Maybe people just think that you can't possibly be Magus because why would a fairyland prince go to college. Or you have Activation as a flaw and a one point feature for foldable, where it is like a Kamen Rider thing

Magus: Kamen Rider?

Me: You know Power Rangers and they have like a phone, belt, or watch which they hold out then they get the armor.

Ivan: It would be net +0 so that works.

Magus: Let's go with that.

Darkstar: I probably live on base

Me: So, all of you are watching TV in your own places. You see the news, Aquaman has opened up an embassy in New York. This is causing lots of speculation where it is like "Should he really be allowed to have dual citizenship" because he does not make it a secret that his dad is American though he does keep a secret identity. There's lots of stuff about if it really should be legal for him to have citizenship while being king of like 70% of the world. People are asking if this means he is actually going to be enforcing that

Ivan: Oh God, that would be horrible. Anytime you go into international waters it is his.

Me: Yeah, that is what people are talking about. Like, are they still going to be able to fish or is he going to do something about that. What practices are going to have to be scrapped. The implications of the being relations with a bunch of mages and demigods since they are descended from supernatural beings. Most people have not seen an Atlantean other than Aquaman, his wife, Aqualad and Aquagirl. So there are people with fish heads and tentacle beards on the camera

Magus: Like a bearded devil

Ivan: Kind of

Me: There are some comparisons to Themyscira, but people don't really go there generally and there is not much in the way of...any contact or things which they might be involved in. But Atlantis literally owns the ocean and arguing against that would end horribly. Then there are people saying that Black Manta and other terrorists are probably going to keep attacking

Ivan: Yeah, Black Manta would do that.

Darkstar: I wonder if my mom knows any of them, are they threats, have they already infiltrated the government or are they working with us?

Me: Your mother stares at you. "You think that we have close ties to a hidden nation which might very well be at the bottom of the Mariana Trench and use ridiculous magi tech?"

Darkstar: Magitech?

Ivan: Maybe the conspiracy theories are right, only instead of reptile people it is fish people.

Darkstar: Maybe?

Ivan: Oh God, I definitely can't continue my secret project

Darkstar: What project

Ivan: Making a giant whale that you can live in. So I can have an excuse to have it eat people. But if Aquaman is more active he would probably be pissed if I do that.

Me:...Do you guys just want to say that you guys are on a telepathic conference call using Traveler as a receiver?

Magus: Yeah.

Me: What is Magus's thoughts

Magus: I'm probably okay with it in general, I'm from Avalon so I've probably had some kind of contact with them

Me: I'd say yes. Are all of you guys just staying at home?

Them: Yes

Darkstar: I'm probably trying to memorize the Declaration of Independence. As if I don't already know it. Maybe sitting on the sofa staring at a picture of Ronald Reagann

Me: Like, due to liking him or hating him?

Darkstar: Liking him

Me: Do you just spend time in the bathroom staring at the mirror while reciting the constitution or saying states names?

Darkstar: Yes

Me: Some of the staff around the base are worried about your mental state. So, who among you are by like the ocean or the Hudson

Ivan: I'd say I can probably see it

Me: Roll perception

Ivan: 30

Me: You see a dolphin in the Hudson

Ivan: I...what? Oh God. I open the window and call my Hippogriff

Me: Are you going towards the dolphin?

Ivan: yes

Me: This is what you see

Spoiler: Dophin

Darkstar: It has sunglasses?

Magus: Look out, it has a laser gun

Ivan: Hey, hey you. What are you doing here?

Dolphin: *high pitched voice* Eeee eee eeekeee, none of your business

Ivan: I can talk to animals, stop doing that you ass.

Dolphin: *Deep voice* Fuck off

Ivan: I..uh...was not expecting that.

Me: Roll initiative

Ivan: Oh fuck, we have got to go *His minion rolls a 19 so he shoots off while the Dolphin fires a laser blast where he used to be.*

Me: Okay, you see if swim off. Do you guys meet up afterwards?

Ivan: I am going to go over to a fishbowl in my house then put my face up close to it. "Hey, hey fish-boy."

Me: I am going to say that since both of you have a Connection to the Red, you have ritualism, and I'm pretty sure Aquaman has ridiculous range on his telepathy. You can contact him

Aquaman: Hello, what is it?

Ivan: I just saw a dolphin with a laser

Aquaman: Was it a robotic one? Black Manta has made a few of those.

Ivan: I could talk to it, so it was probably alive. *Rolls to see if he can identify it. Success The Dolphin was a magical beast from the Marinas Trench*

Aquaman: I will start asking around

Ivan: I guess I do need to work on that giant whale project.

Magus: Can any of us swim?

Me: None of you have athletics so it would be straight strength

Ivan: 8 nope

Magus: 14 ish

Traveler: 24 very much

Darkstar: 4 no

Me: Do you guys meet up?

Ivan: I'll call everyone. do you want to meet up at a restaurant

Me: Where?

Ivan: Probably by the docks

Darkstar: Sure

Ivan: I'm paying

Me: So, here's the question. Long John Silver or Red Lobster

*lots of talk about how long it has been since any of them have been to the former*

Me: I'm just assuming Long John Silver. How do you guys get there?

Ivan: I take my hippogriff

Magus: Teleporting

Me: So there is just this guy in armor teleporting for several miles. Darkstar

Darkstar: I take my military humvee

Me:...I put your thing on the sheet. It is a motorcycle

Darkstar: Oh yeah right.

Me: And Traveler just rides a rocket which has some motorcycle-like controls, leaving a gray cloud behind him until he parks it next to Darkstar.

*Lots of them talking about how to move around in the water*

Darkstar: Couldn't I just use my bike?

Me: No

Darkstar: It phases through stuff

Me: A, you would need swim. B. You still need to breathe

Darkstar; But I have armor

Magus: You didn't take immune to suffocation, so you would still be drowning

Ivan: M&M is a game where the powers specifically do the thing they say

Magus: I could probably keep teleporting

Me: You still need to breathe.

Magus: Oh right.

Me: Okay, I did not make this adventure to be in the bottom of the Mariana Trench

Magus: It would still be cool

Me: Do you want to roll on how people think of you

Them: Sure

Me: *Rolls a 4 on Ivan* There is a woman collecting trash to try to throw at you, but an employee sees and tackles her because he does not want a superhero brawl

Ivan: I am kind of infamous, but that is okay

Me: *rolls a 3 for magus* An Irishman shouts at you. "Go back to fairyland" But the same employee punches him

Me: *14 for Darkstar* one guy gives you a thumbs up

Me: *3 fo traveler* A guy insults him for being blue and Traveler throws him out the door.

Magus: What is this, Marvel?

Me: It is New York, assholes are pretty common.


Ivan: Magus, are you welsh?

Magus: Yes

Ivan: I feel bad for you, and I am half-irish

Darkstar: Ivan is Irish?

Ivan: Irish-Russian

Darkstar: Wait, Traveler so what planet are you from?

Traveler: Earth from another dimension, I'm a refugee

Darkstar: I thought all refugees were muslim (His idea of a patriotic military hero is apparently ULTIMATES Captain America)

Ivan: Ignore him, anyways. Do you have anything? *paying for everyone's food*

Traveler: My spaceship is broken

Ivan: How do you still have that?

Traveler: No one has a good way to get it out of the ocean. I told everyone that there were probably a shitload of diseases and stuff onboard...oh, in about ten years expect a bunch of superhuman preteens. Things get weird when you travel through the bleeed

Ivan: I probably can't help with the ship

Traveler: It is a living being so you can probably talk to it

Ivan: What the fuck?

Traveler; Yeah, my people just found the thing, it isn't something we made. But still, it is not really moving

Ivan: Couldn't you just sell it?

Traveler: The government would probably try to kill superman with it, like they did with other stuff. and I don't want to be party to that.

Me: There is an explosion in the distance

Ivan: Oh, that's normal

Me: Are you guys going to check it out

Magus: Yeah, I give a fist bump to the employee on the way there

Ivan: Oh god

Me: So all of you are just driving or teleporting off?

Them: Yes

Ivan: You can ride my bear and make your balls grow 4 times as large

Magus: Yes

Me: *brings them to a new map and puts atlantean soldiers on it* You all see guys in weird armor shooting laser guns. Roll history or magic *Ivan and Magus succeed* these are fucking old atlantean power suits, like there are probably museums at the bottom of the ocean where you could find these*

Darkstar: So there is nobody I nit

Me: You have no idea, the face shields are blacked out. Roll initiative

Magus: I stab one with my shield *success and takes him down*

Me: Are you being lethal or no?

Magus: Lethal

Me: Blood spurts out as you stab this guy in the chest. You have takedown and can hit the next guy.

Magus: *takes down 4 guys before one nat 20s on resistance*

Me: So you are just carving these guys to pieces until one mook flexes and deflects the spear *success on fortitude check on the connected affliction*

Ivan: Oh god you people are murderous

Darkstar: I fire my rocket launcher *kills another 8 with area of effect blasts* Ahahaha, I'm getting into trouble later

Mooks shoot but don't do damage to Darkstar or Magus

Ivan: What the fuck? I try to be merciful and shoot one guy with my sleeper crossbow. *guy manages to get past the DC, and the bear he has misses*

Me: I forgot Traveler *25 and at the head* So he just goes over to the last guy and punches *success and the mook crumples* he just flies into the wall.

Ivan: are any of them alive?

Me: Punched guy

Ivan: I go over to heal with treatment

Magus: I use my healing staff *both succeed* why use bandages when you have magic

Ivan: Because bandages can be removed during interrogation

Darkstar: Maybe it is a false flag operation?

Traveler: I'm just going to try to read this guy's mind

Ivan: So is my raven *summons raven*

Both get 1 degree of success

Mook: Oh god oh god oh god I don't want to be here when the Kraken gets here

Ivan: Can I get an image of the Kraken

Me: Yes *puts in image that is taller than the buildings around them*

Ivan: I have the raven make an illusion of this thing for us.

Magus: Oh God

Ivan: So, if you don't want us to hurt you again, you will tell us who you are working for

Mook: I am from Scorpio

Me: Roll magic or history. *most hav some level of success* Scorpio is a terrorist organization which has a habit of stealing and using various magic and technological devices. It hasn't done a lot in the last few decades

Ivan: Well, that probably helps somewhat.

Me: *brings in more mooks and elite mooks* The boss mooks *rolls higher than everyone* lay down covering fire to raise the DC on to hit against their friends.

Traveler: Punch and grapples one guy since he didn't knock him out.

Magus: *Fires a bow of wind which the elite mook tanks* Huh

Darkstar: I ride up one of the buildings and shoot the boss guys without looking behind me.

Ivan: Do a 360 no scope

Me: Well, these guys have evasion 2 and have +15 to dodge *don't get hut by the sniper as it is line damage*

Darkstar: Crap

*several of them get one to two degrees of failure as the mooks open fire and some get crits, Darkstar has low dodge so multiattack works well against him*

Ivan: Well I bravely run away by shifting to my speedy escape mode *Has blending and speed on his array so he can escape from hairy situations*

Bear hits and takes down a mook, Ivan has his Firefox attack but it is cone and the mooks have evasion so it doesn't work well.

Traveler: *punches out 3 guys*

Magus: *Uses perception damage bow to take down all but the elite mooks* Sextuple kill

Darkstar: *uses assault rifle to take down one of the mooks*

They managed to take down the last guy afterwards, with him rolling a 20 to not get killed by the twister bow of wind

Ivan: I ask the guy from before why he didn't tell us that more of his guys were around

Me: He just coughs up blood.

They mind-read the next guy and get a mental image of Kordax, Aquaman's evil great-great-great-great granduncle along with the thoughts of the mooks being terrified of being killed by the guy

me: roll magic *Ivan and Magus succeed* Kordax is aqua man's several thousand year old grand-uncle. he was in a weird MacBethian situation where his father was also his uncle/cousin thing and raped his mom. His mother then threw him into the trenches to die after he was born with scales. He was raised by his evil wizard father and grew up to be like Atlantean Hitler and hates everyone.

Darkstar; Sounds like his mom is the real villain

Me: You can guess that part of this is in response to Aquaman opening up Atlantis's borders

Ivan: Open borders and diplomatic channels are two different things

Me: By that I mean having diplomacy with surfacers, actually letting people come to Atlantis, and having things like American mercenaries as contractors who teach atlantean soldiers. Which are all things Aquaman has been doing recently.

Darkstar: Oh he definitely hates this

Ivan: So, I could try to blackmail Aquaman

Me: A Kraken is heading over to New York City

Ivan: Yeah...hmm, I could use that for my clone project. But then it would be a knockoff

Me: It is not The Kraken, just a Kraken. There are a bunch of them.

Ivan: Eh...maybe I can do something with this.

Me: Okay, what are you guys going to do

Ivan: I go over to the nearest pet store, give the cashier a hundred dollars, then put my head up to the tank

Me: roll magic

Ivan *25* Fishboy, there is a Kraken attacking New York

Aquaman: Wait what? Who is sending it

Ivan: Your evil racist grandpa

Aquaman: Kordax? How did he recover from the lobotomy?

Ivan: I dunno, can you help with this?

Aquaman: I'll send Topo to help. And start looking for Kordax. How did he get out of the mental asylum? God, I wish my life wasn't some Shakespearian play

Magus: Do we just hear dolphin sounds while you put your head in the tank?

Ivan: Yes

Me: So, you take your head out. Everyone roll percpetion

Everyone But Ivan: *Over 25*

Ivan: So I don't see it

Me: There is just lots of screaming and water sounds as in the distance the three of them stare past Ivan as he explains everything, seaweed, hair and water pouring over his eyes while two Kaiju fight.

Ivan: I just can't see or hear it.

Me: What do you guys plan on doing?

Magus: We should fight it

Traveler: If we fight it, we can probably eat it

Darkstar: Yeah

They head off with Ivan and head to the beach where the monsters are grappling each other

Ivan: I try to use contacts to get with the government *30* there its probably someone for this

Me: The DEO

Wonder Woman: This is Diana Prince, Head of the DEO

Ivan: *silence before handing it over to Magus* Here, you speak to her. I can't do it, she intimidates me.

Me: Since you are from Avalon and are like a demigod, you probably have met.

Magus: Makes sense. "Hey Wonder Woman, ah. Have you heard of Kordax? He sent a Kraken after New York with a bunch of terrorists in stolen atlantean armor. Do we have people for this?"

Wonder Woman: Kordax? How did he recover from the Lobotomy? Nevermind, I will send a clean-up crew. Can your people fight it*

Everyone stares at a giant squid fighting an octopus that is using gigantic drums as clubs.

Magus: Maybe?

Me: Also, Ivan, you see the dolphin

Magus, Darkstar, and Traveler start punching, shooting, and stabbing the Leviathan and have difficulty with the 16 toughness monster.

Ivan: Hey dolphin if you guard the corpse of this monster, I will make you even stronger. *20 on persuasion*

Me: The Dolphin was in this for the laser. *Fires laser at the kraken but it succeeds the toughness check*

Dolphin: *deep voice* Deal

Me: Everyone can hear the Kraken as it speaks in a crackly voice. A fey, really? The Tuathe De Atlanteans recycle names and are so fucking uncreative that they keep naming their leader King Nuada no matter what gender they are

Magus: Well, I'll talk to my cousins later

Traveler: *success on punch and does get through the toughness, critical on grapple*

Me: He has increased strength limited to grapple, so he is fucking beaching the Kraken while Topo yells in a Jamaican accent and keeps beating it in the face with drums*

Magus: THIS IS AWESOME

Eventually they manage to bring it down to 4 toughness and kill the Kraken due to it nat 1ing, all while Ivan runs around with a jar trying to collect the blood that is flying

Me: So, the dolphin will guard the corpse. Is this just the four of you plus the animals walking away towards the city with the giant monster behind you and a bunch of slices of tentacle over some of your guys's arms

Magus: We can have a barbecue at Ivan's place

Me: I hope to god yo mean outside on the porch

Ivan: I'll roll int to cook *18*

Magus: It is good kraken steak

Me: Do you guys like sell the thing to Long John Silvers to get endorsements and commercials

Magus: Yeah

Ivan: I am rich but yes

Me: you could probably sell them cloned kraken meat

Ivan: Also yes

Me: I guess that is just what you are talking about while you head off

Traveler: So you are intimidated by Wonder Woman

Ivan: I want to be crushed between her thighs, so it is really awkward and I can't stay calm.

Magus: Understandable.

Ivan: She intimidates me too, but partly sexually. I can never go to Themyscira

 

[Artalam]

Mutants and Masterminds weirdness

Rocker/Gangrel is Darkstar (A guy with alien armor he doesn't really understand and works for a government contractor i.e his mom)
Fixer/Tremere is Ivan (A mage businessman of The Red)
Medtech/Lasombra is Magus (A half fairy knight from Avalon)
Traveler is an NPC

Spoiler: The Kraken Episode, Ivan wants to be crushed between amazon thighs

Me: Okay. I have played mutants and masterminds, partly to make sure shit doesn't go horribly wrong, I made an NPC hero. I've played M&M with what is essentially just 3 characters, it constantly ended horribly. It is just a inter dimensional alien from another Earth whose planet has gone through like three apocalypses

Ivan: What kind of Apocalypse

Traveler: Well, my ancestors were space aliens who traveled to earth and started to interbreed with humans. Then they lost all of their space travel tech after making a hybrid ruling class. Then we had a World War with lots of nukes and biological weapons which rendered almost everyone sterile and made the earth cold and grey. Then we had all of Italy get locked into place by superhuman from another dimension as the world rotated, destroying the center of our authoritarian government and everyone who lived there died, destroying a lot of our communications, medical infrastructure, and pretty much everything else which kept us functioning since no one area has enough stuff to keep active.

Ivan: How the fuck did that government stay funcntional

Traveler: My dad was an unaging semi-immortal who can tank gunshots to the face and has strong telepathy, enabling him to sense any dissent from the ruling class. Then he eats their kids, so no one was willing to rebel.

Darkstar: So you are an illegal (He said he was playing a patriot, instead it comes across as an unhinged jingoist)

Traveler: No I am a refuge if anything.

Ivan: So where do you live?

Traveler: My crashed spaceship, I can't actually fix it though since all the scientists died in the crash.

Ivan: So you are homeless, good.

Me: How do you guys want to know each other?

Ivan: I try to stay abreast of the magic users around so I'd know Magus. We could have fought someone.

Magus: Who?

Ivan: A monster of The Grey

Magus: The what?

Me: It is the parliament for fungus, like the green is for plants. Also, I'm just saying it here. I am rolling the Clear and Red together because the division is kind of stupid. Aquaman has controlled like seals and dolphins before, plus alligators and amphibians are a thing.

Ivan: Yeah, Parliaments get redundant with The Black and The Gray

Me: No that one makes sense. The Gray is fungus. The Black is Rot. The absence and death of life. The Gray is still a form of life.

Magus: So what would we have fought?

Me: Basically the monsters from Resident Evil 7

Ivan: Pretty much, also I probably have government and military contracts so I probably know Darkstar's mom. But probably not that they are related or his name.

Darkstar: Got it.

Me: And everybody knows about traveler because he is a superstrong interdimenisonal alien with blue skin

Ivan: So he is kind of like a local oddity

Me: Do you guys work together often, or do you just live in the city with occasional teamups

Ivan: probably the latter

Me: Okay, so. Would you guys be living together? Ivan's minions would probably cause problems

Ivan: I am not letting these people live with me. I live in the penthouse with my pets

Me: People probably constantly complain about the hippogriff

Ivan: And I pay off the hotel owners

Magus: I live in my dorm

Me: That better be a single

Magus: It is fine

Me: You have an armor and some kind of medieval weaponry.

Magus: I can put it under my bed

me: Medieval Armor

Magus: Yeah, under my bed

Me: these things are often used as decoration for walls and columns. Imagine trying to fit that under your bed.

Magus: I'm not sure then, just have it be a stand

Ivan: So people walk in and see that then

Me: Maybe people just think that you can't possibly be Magus because why would a fairyland prince go to college. Or you have Activation as a flaw and a one point feature for foldable, where it is like a Kamen Rider thing

Magus: Kamen Rider?

Me: You know Power Rangers and they have like a phone, belt, or watch which they hold out then they get the armor.

Ivan: It would be net +0 so that works.

Magus: Let's go with that.

Darkstar: I probably live on base

Me: So, all of you are watching TV in your own places. You see the news, Aquaman has opened up an embassy in New York. This is causing lots of speculation where it is like "Should he really be allowed to have dual citizenship" because he does not make it a secret that his dad is American though he does keep a secret identity. There's lots of stuff about if it really should be legal for him to have citizenship while being king of like 70% of the world. People are asking if this means he is actually going to be enforcing that

Ivan: Oh God, that would be horrible. Anytime you go into international waters it is his.

Me: Yeah, that is what people are talking about. Like, are they still going to be able to fish or is he going to do something about that. What practices are going to have to be scrapped. The implications of the being relations with a bunch of mages and demigods since they are descended from supernatural beings. Most people have not seen an Atlantean other than Aquaman, his wife, Aqualad and Aquagirl. So there are people with fish heads and tentacle beards on the camera

Magus: Like a bearded devil

Ivan: Kind of

Me: There are some comparisons to Themyscira, but people don't really go there generally and there is not much in the way of...any contact or things which they might be involved in. But Atlantis literally owns the ocean and arguing against that would end horribly. Then there are people saying that Black Manta and other terrorists are probably going to keep attacking

Ivan: Yeah, Black Manta would do that.

Darkstar: I wonder if my mom knows any of them, are they threats, have they already infiltrated the government or are they working with us?

Me: Your mother stares at you. "You think that we have close ties to a hidden nation which might very well be at the bottom of the Mariana Trench and use ridiculous magi tech?"

Darkstar: Magitech?

Ivan: Maybe the conspiracy theories are right, only instead of reptile people it is fish people.

Darkstar: Maybe?

Ivan: Oh God, I definitely can't continue my secret project

Darkstar: What project

Ivan: Making a giant whale that you can live in. So I can have an excuse to have it eat people. But if Aquaman is more active he would probably be pissed if I do that.

Me:...Do you guys just want to say that you guys are on a telepathic conference call using Traveler as a receiver?

Magus: Yeah.

Me: What is Magus's thoughts

Magus: I'm probably okay with it in general, I'm from Avalon so I've probably had some kind of contact with them

Me: I'd say yes. Are all of you guys just staying at home?

Them: Yes

Darkstar: I'm probably trying to memorize the Declaration of Independence. As if I don't already know it. Maybe sitting on the sofa staring at a picture of Ronald Reagann

Me: Like, due to liking him or hating him?

Darkstar: Liking him

Me: Do you just spend time in the bathroom staring at the mirror while reciting the constitution or saying states names?

Darkstar: Yes

Me: Some of the staff around the base are worried about your mental state. So, who among you are by like the ocean or the Hudson

Ivan: I'd say I can probably see it

Me: Roll perception

Ivan: 30

Me: You see a dolphin in the Hudson

Ivan: I...what? Oh God. I open the window and call my Hippogriff

Me: Are you going towards the dolphin?

Ivan: yes

Me: This is what you see

Spoiler: Dophin

Darkstar: It has sunglasses?

Magus: Look out, it has a laser gun

Ivan: Hey, hey you. What are you doing here?

Dolphin: *high pitched voice* Eeee eee eeekeee, none of your business

Ivan: I can talk to animals, stop doing that you ass.

Dolphin: *Deep voice* Fuck off

Ivan: I..uh...was not expecting that.

Me: Roll initiative

Ivan: Oh fuck, we have got to go *His minion rolls a 19 so he shoots off while the Dolphin fires a laser blast where he used to be.*

Me: Okay, you see if swim off. Do you guys meet up afterwards?

Ivan: I am going to go over to a fishbowl in my house then put my face up close to it. "Hey, hey fish-boy."

Me: I am going to say that since both of you have a Connection to the Red, you have ritualism, and I'm pretty sure Aquaman has ridiculous range on his telepathy. You can contact him

Aquaman: Hello, what is it?

Ivan: I just saw a dolphin with a laser

Aquaman: Was it a robotic one? Black Manta has made a few of those.

Ivan: I could talk to it, so it was probably alive. *Rolls to see if he can identify it. Success The Dolphin was a magical beast from the Marinas Trench*

Aquaman: I will start asking around

Ivan: I guess I do need to work on that giant whale project.

Magus: Can any of us swim?

Me: None of you have athletics so it would be straight strength

Ivan: 8 nope

Magus: 14 ish

Traveler: 24 very much

Darkstar: 4 no

Me: Do you guys meet up?

Ivan: I'll call everyone. do you want to meet up at a restaurant

Me: Where?

Ivan: Probably by the docks

Darkstar: Sure

Ivan: I'm paying

Me: So, here's the question. Long John Silver or Red Lobster

*lots of talk about how long it has been since any of them have been to the former*

Me: I'm just assuming Long John Silver. How do you guys get there?

Ivan: I take my hippogriff

Magus: Teleporting

Me: So there is just this guy in armor teleporting for several miles. Darkstar

Darkstar: I take my military humvee

Me:...I put your thing on the sheet. It is a motorcycle

Darkstar: Oh yeah right.

Me: And Traveler just rides a rocket which has some motorcycle-like controls, leaving a gray cloud behind him until he parks it next to Darkstar.

*Lots of them talking about how to move around in the water*

Darkstar: Couldn't I just use my bike?

Me: No

Darkstar: It phases through stuff

Me: A, you would need swim. B. You still need to breathe

Darkstar; But I have armor

Magus: You didn't take immune to suffocation, so you would still be drowning

Ivan: M&M is a game where the powers specifically do the thing they say

Magus: I could probably keep teleporting

Me: You still need to breathe.

Magus: Oh right.

Me: Okay, I did not make this adventure to be in the bottom of the Mariana Trench

Magus: It would still be cool

Me: Do you want to roll on how people think of you

Them: Sure

Me: *Rolls a 4 on Ivan* There is a woman collecting trash to try to throw at you, but an employee sees and tackles her because he does not want a superhero brawl

Ivan: I am kind of infamous, but that is okay

Me: *rolls a 3 for magus* An Irishman shouts at you. "Go back to fairyland" But the same employee punches him

Me: *14 for Darkstar* one guy gives you a thumbs up

Me: *3 fo traveler* A guy insults him for being blue and Traveler throws him out the door.

Magus: What is this, Marvel?

Me: It is New York, assholes are pretty common.


Ivan: Magus, are you welsh?

Magus: Yes

Ivan: I feel bad for you, and I am half-irish

Darkstar: Ivan is Irish?

Ivan: Irish-Russian

Darkstar: Wait, Traveler so what planet are you from?

Traveler: Earth from another dimension, I'm a refugee

Darkstar: I thought all refugees were muslim (His idea of a patriotic military hero is apparently ULTIMATES Captain America)

Ivan: Ignore him, anyways. Do you have anything? *paying for everyone's food*

Traveler: My spaceship is broken

Ivan: How do you still have that?

Traveler: No one has a good way to get it out of the ocean. I told everyone that there were probably a shitload of diseases and stuff onboard...oh, in about ten years expect a bunch of superhuman preteens. Things get weird when you travel through the bleeed

Ivan: I probably can't help with the ship

Traveler: It is a living being so you can probably talk to it

Ivan: What the fuck?

Traveler; Yeah, my people just found the thing, it isn't something we made. But still, it is not really moving

Ivan: Couldn't you just sell it?

Traveler: The government would probably try to kill superman with it, like they did with other stuff. and I don't want to be party to that.

Me: There is an explosion in the distance

Ivan: Oh, that's normal

Me: Are you guys going to check it out

Magus: Yeah, I give a fist bump to the employee on the way there

Ivan: Oh god

Me: So all of you are just driving or teleporting off?

Them: Yes

Ivan: You can ride my bear and make your balls grow 4 times as large

Magus: Yes

Me: *brings them to a new map and puts atlantean soldiers on it* You all see guys in weird armor shooting laser guns. Roll history or magic *Ivan and Magus succeed* these are fucking old atlantean power suits, like there are probably museums at the bottom of the ocean where you could find these*

Darkstar: So there is nobody I nit

Me: You have no idea, the face shields are blacked out. Roll initiative

Magus: I stab one with my shield *success and takes him down*

Me: Are you being lethal or no?

Magus: Lethal

Me: Blood spurts out as you stab this guy in the chest. You have takedown and can hit the next guy.

Magus: *takes down 4 guys before one nat 20s on resistance*

Me: So you are just carving these guys to pieces until one mook flexes and deflects the spear *success on fortitude check on the connected affliction*

Ivan: Oh god you people are murderous

Darkstar: I fire my rocket launcher *kills another 8 with area of effect blasts* Ahahaha, I'm getting into trouble later

Mooks shoot but don't do damage to Darkstar or Magus

Ivan: What the fuck? I try to be merciful and shoot one guy with my sleeper crossbow. *guy manages to get past the DC, and the bear he has misses*

Me: I forgot Traveler *25 and at the head* So he just goes over to the last guy and punches *success and the mook crumples* he just flies into the wall.

Ivan: are any of them alive?

Me: Punched guy

Ivan: I go over to heal with treatment

Magus: I use my healing staff *both succeed* why use bandages when you have magic

Ivan: Because bandages can be removed during interrogation

Darkstar: Maybe it is a false flag operation?

Traveler: I'm just going to try to read this guy's mind

Ivan: So is my raven *summons raven*

Both get 1 degree of success

Mook: Oh god oh god oh god I don't want to be here when the Kraken gets here

Ivan: Can I get an image of the Kraken

Me: Yes *puts in image that is taller than the buildings around them*

Ivan: I have the raven make an illusion of this thing for us.

Magus: Oh God

Ivan: So, if you don't want us to hurt you again, you will tell us who you are working for

Mook: I am from Scorpio

Me: Roll magic or history. *most hav some level of success* Scorpio is a terrorist organization which has a habit of stealing and using various magic and technological devices. It hasn't done a lot in the last few decades

Ivan: Well, that probably helps somewhat.

Me: *brings in more mooks and elite mooks* The boss mooks *rolls higher than everyone* lay down covering fire to raise the DC on to hit against their friends.

Traveler: Punch and grapples one guy since he didn't knock him out.

Magus: *Fires a bow of wind which the elite mook tanks* Huh

Darkstar: I ride up one of the buildings and shoot the boss guys without looking behind me.

Ivan: Do a 360 no scope

Me: Well, these guys have evasion 2 and have +15 to dodge *don't get hut by the sniper as it is line damage*

Darkstar: Crap

*several of them get one to two degrees of failure as the mooks open fire and some get crits, Darkstar has low dodge so multiattack works well against him*

Ivan: Well I bravely run away by shifting to my speedy escape mode *Has blending and speed on his array so he can escape from hairy situations*

Bear hits and takes down a mook, Ivan has his Firefox attack but it is cone and the mooks have evasion so it doesn't work well.

Traveler: *punches out 3 guys*

Magus: *Uses perception damage bow to take down all but the elite mooks* Sextuple kill

Darkstar: *uses assault rifle to take down one of the mooks*

They managed to take down the last guy afterwards, with him rolling a 20 to not get killed by the twister bow of wind

Ivan: I ask the guy from before why he didn't tell us that more of his guys were around

Me: He just coughs up blood.

They mind-read the next guy and get a mental image of Kordax, Aquaman's evil great-great-great-great granduncle along with the thoughts of the mooks being terrified of being killed by the guy

me: roll magic *Ivan and Magus succeed* Kordax is aqua man's several thousand year old grand-uncle. he was in a weird MacBethian situation where his father was also his uncle/cousin thing and raped his mom. His mother then threw him into the trenches to die after he was born with scales. He was raised by his evil wizard father and grew up to be like Atlantean Hitler and hates everyone.

Darkstar; Sounds like his mom is the real villain

Me: You can guess that part of this is in response to Aquaman opening up Atlantis's borders

Ivan: Open borders and diplomatic channels are two different things

Me: By that I mean having diplomacy with surfacers, actually letting people come to Atlantis, and having things like American mercenaries as contractors who teach atlantean soldiers. Which are all things Aquaman has been doing recently.

Darkstar: Oh he definitely hates this

Ivan: So, I could try to blackmail Aquaman

Me: A Kraken is heading over to New York City

Ivan: Yeah...hmm, I could use that for my clone project. But then it would be a knockoff

Me: It is not The Kraken, just a Kraken. There are a bunch of them.

Ivan: Eh...maybe I can do something with this.

Me: Okay, what are you guys going to do

Ivan: I go over to the nearest pet store, give the cashier a hundred dollars, then put my head up to the tank

Me: roll magic

Ivan *25* Fishboy, there is a Kraken attacking New York

Aquaman: Wait what? Who is sending it

Ivan: Your evil racist grandpa

Aquaman: Kordax? How did he recover from the lobotomy?

Ivan: I dunno, can you help with this?

Aquaman: I'll send Topo to help. And start looking for Kordax. How did he get out of the mental asylum? God, I wish my life wasn't some Shakespearian play

Magus: Do we just hear dolphin sounds while you put your head in the tank?

Ivan: Yes

Me: So, you take your head out. Everyone roll percpetion

Everyone But Ivan: *Over 25*

Ivan: So I don't see it

Me: There is just lots of screaming and water sounds as in the distance the three of them stare past Ivan as he explains everything, seaweed, hair and water pouring over his eyes while two Kaiju fight.

Ivan: I just can't see or hear it.

Me: What do you guys plan on doing?

Magus: We should fight it

Traveler: If we fight it, we can probably eat it

Darkstar: Yeah

They head off with Ivan and head to the beach where the monsters are grappling each other

Ivan: I try to use contacts to get with the government *30* there its probably someone for this

Me: The DEO

Wonder Woman: This is Diana Prince, Head of the DEO

Ivan: *silence before handing it over to Magus* Here, you speak to her. I can't do it, she intimidates me.

Me: Since you are from Avalon and are like a demigod, you probably have met.

Magus: Makes sense. "Hey Wonder Woman, ah. Have you heard of Kordax? He sent a Kraken after New York with a bunch of terrorists in stolen atlantean armor. Do we have people for this?"

Wonder Woman: Kordax? How did he recover from the Lobotomy? Nevermind, I will send a clean-up crew. Can your people fight it*

Everyone stares at a giant squid fighting an octopus that is using gigantic drums as clubs.

Magus: Maybe?

Me: Also, Ivan, you see the dolphin

Magus, Darkstar, and Traveler start punching, shooting, and stabbing the Leviathan and have difficulty with the 16 toughness monster.

Ivan: Hey dolphin if you guard the corpse of this monster, I will make you even stronger. *20 on persuasion*

Me: The Dolphin was in this for the laser. *Fires laser at the kraken but it succeeds the toughness check*

Dolphin: *deep voice* Deal

Me: Everyone can hear the Kraken as it speaks in a crackly voice. A fey, really? The Tuathe De Atlanteans recycle names and are so fucking uncreative that they keep naming their leader King Nuada no matter what gender they are

Magus: Well, I'll talk to my cousins later

Traveler: *success on punch and does get through the toughness, critical on grapple*

Me: He has increased strength limited to grapple, so he is fucking beaching the Kraken while Topo yells in a Jamaican accent and keeps beating it in the face with drums*

Magus: THIS IS AWESOME

Eventually they manage to bring it down to 4 toughness and kill the Kraken due to it nat 1ing, all while Ivan runs around with a jar trying to collect the blood that is flying

Me: So, the dolphin will guard the corpse. Is this just the four of you plus the animals walking away towards the city with the giant monster behind you and a bunch of slices of tentacle over some of your guys's arms

Magus: We can have a barbecue at Ivan's place

Me: I hope to god yo mean outside on the porch

Ivan: I'll roll int to cook *18*

Magus: It is good kraken steak

Me: Do you guys like sell the thing to Long John Silvers to get endorsements and commercials

Magus: Yeah

Ivan: I am rich but yes

Me: you could probably sell them cloned kraken meat

Ivan: Also yes

Me: I guess that is just what you are talking about while you head off

Traveler: So you are intimidated by Wonder Woman

Ivan: I want to be crushed between her thighs, so it is really awkward and I can't stay calm.

Magus: Understandable.

Ivan: She intimidates me too, but partly sexually. I can never go to Themyscira

Click to shrink...

...why the hell is the least moral character concept always the one with some form of ethics in your games?

 

[shadowdice]

...why the hell is the least moral character concept always the one with some form of ethics in your games?

Click to shrink...

Because a lot of the time it is the same guy (Khan/Ivan/Tremere)

 

[shadowdice]

This is more or less just things which went on for fleshing out the background for the mutants and masterminds characters in case my group ever runs it again.

But it is still hilarious

Spoiler

Me: So your complication is relationship, with that being the mostly mundane occult club at your school. Two of which are either descendants of King Arthur or Sir Bedivere

Magus: Yes, I'm not entirely sure why there would be an occult club though.

Me: Again, Wonder Woman exists. Magic is a known thing, and two primary members of the justice league are known to be part god.

Magus: Yeah, I guess that it would make sense for there to be a bunch of occult groups

Me: Also, things are a lot more clear with science than magic when it comes to morality?

Magus: What?

Me: The two major ways to get powers through actively searching for them is science or magic. With Science you might be working under Dr. Star and he could become either a genocidal maniac who eats suns while shooting radiation flares out of his hands, or he could become a superhero powered by a miniature sun. With magic, if you are reading a the tome titled The Arcane Lore of Egkhashakarakhan the Brutal, you have an idea of what you are getting into by the name.

Magus: Huh, that actually makes sense

Me: So, should I assume 2 boys 2 gurls

Magus: Yeah

Me: Is the King Arthur descendant male or female

Magus: Female, because Seiba memes

Me: I am going to go and get my character generation stats out. Are you okay with rolling for it?

Magus: Yes

Me: Okay, so she is stealth and deception focused. Brooding and Conscientious, but that turns to temperate and just. Mystic, that makes sense given occult club. administrator. Diligent, proud, ambitious, brave and *randomly rolls* likes guns. Thank God, we barely avoided her being a tsundere

Magus: So is this going to be a thing where when I tell them about this, I start saying she should use swords but she refuses

Me: Yes, because guns are better

Magus: But laser sword

Me: Her counter would be laser gun....I'm just gonna roll on if she is rich 91 yes she is a noblewoman. Should we say Welsh?

Magus: yes

Me: So she is a proud and ambitious welsh noblewoman who avoids the stereotype of nobles as she is actively trying to do things and knows how to govern on some level. And I'm just going to assume she is a teenager. So Welsh Jeanne

Magus: Why would she be a teenager

Me: You said all of you were in college, so she'd be like 18 or 19 if she is in her first or second year.

Magus: And she is from the U.K but likes guns

Me: She is also one of the people there who can have access to and afford guns. She probably got really into it after going to school in america

Magus: Why would she be in America anyways?

Me: It is DC, Destiny is an actual person and it's not just a name?

Magus: Really?

Me: Yes, and you are mythological so coincidences are not unlikely. Anyways, at one point all of England's parliament were satan worshippers and there are a lot of demonic stuff going on there, so she was probably sent there due to the lesser chance of being used as a virgin sacrifice.

Magus: And then she picked up shooting and everyone complains about her becoming more American

Me: Yes, she says she needs them due to tall of the Drive by shootings in New York.

Magus: I'm not sure how to explain her being descended from King Arthur

Me: King Arthur had bastards in the mythos. Including Tom A Lincoln who had more sons in the form of the Black Knight and the Faerie Knight

Magus: What?

Me: Long story sort. King Arthur had a bastard, said bastard didn't know that and went on adventures becoming the lover of a fairy queen and saving a noblewoman from a dragon and marrying her. Worst Girl, the Noblewoman, divorced him and cast him out after learning he was King Arthur's Bastard, focusing on the bastard part rather than King Arthur. Both women had kids, the Black Knight hated his mom for being a bitch, the Faerie Knight had way less baggage and was nice

Magus: Let's go with that myth

Me: 1d2 fairy knight. So when you start broaching the subject of magical bloodlines and all of that, you'll probably start with the "You are descended from Fey Nobility" part to explain you being around

Magus: Makes sense...

Me: You are probably part fairy, but not one in any of the texts if that is what you want to go with

Magus: That's easier

Me: Is she a warrior fey?

Magus: Yes

Me: So both of your parents are murderhobos, that explains a lot. And for the bedivere descendent

Magus: What did bedivere do again?

Me: Merely a badass human, which means he can catch a giant's spear and throw it back at him while mounted on a charging horse

Magus: Damn

Me: So, should we say he is American?

Magus: Yes

Me: *uses name generator* Atilla MacDonald...

Magus: AHAHAHAHA

Me: Now I am just imagining some Hun working on a farm in Kansas

Magus: Keep the name, keep the name

Me: So this is probably a welsh/mongolian/hungarian/scottish guy. He has a learning focus, affectionate idolizer which turned to trusting and zealous. Attractive. Socializer. Stragegist, chaste, gluttonous, just, content

Magus: So he is like a golden retriever

Me: One who probably plays Warhammer and is super attractive. *starts searching for images to use, gets lots of Highlander stuff where there are guys with trench coats and katanas*

Magus: That looks so edgy

Me: Yet he is a talkative farm boy who trusts everyone, is nice to everyone, and likes to eat a lot. Probably lots of pie.

Magus: ...We need to go for the guy who looks edgy but is the opposite.

Me: *rolls* His favorite food is pumpkin pie. He probably bakes a lot and gives the two of you lots of English pastries because he doesn't understand the difference between England and Scotland

magus: But we appreciate the food and effort.

Me: So, the normies.

Magus: Yeah

Me: For the girl, Penelope Krueger...diplomacy focus. Charitable, gregarious, strategist, socializer, diligent, wrathful, paranoid, brave. Nearly the tsundere

Magus: So close

Me: But she is paranoid and probably has a Question-esque wall of string, and might be the one to figure out your identity. Would Lain be a good image

Magus: That sounds awesome

Me: And the other...Yuliy Kovalyov, which means blacksmith. Should he be from russia?

Magus: Sure

Me: So, stubborn, greedy...I rolled administrator twice. I think his superpower might be buearocracy

Magus: *deadpool voice* Bureaucracy isn't a superpower*

Me: Cut to the national debt actually going down

Magus: How does that actually work, does no one just actually make people pay the debts?

Me; Well, part of it is that fucking every nation-state seems to be in debt and if you pull the trigger that might end in everyone else doing so and everyone is fucked So yes, having the ability to have things function well and efficiently is a superpower.

Magus: I want to say yes just because

Me: Diligent, gluttonous, cynical, and paranoid. The two normies are the people who might be able to figure out your identity instead of the semi-magic people

Magus: That is hilarious

Me: Should he have blacksmithing

Magus: Yes.

Me: *rolls* he has plus 10 to blacksmith. I need to find an image for this.

Spoiler: Yuliy

Me: By the way did you ever hear of Escape from Tarkov?

Magus: no

Me; *Tries to explain that game*

Magus: Isn't there a game where there are Russian mutant bears?

Me: I think that is Metro

Magus: I thought it was S.T.A.L.K.E.R

Me: Should we just assume that he is from some anime version of Russia where all of those things are basically happening at the same time?

Magus: Yes, that sounds awesome

Me: Should I just assume that whenever you need a new weapon to enchant, you just ask him for one and drop a bunch of gold in his lap, then he does it without questioning you?

Magus: Yes

Me: Should your mom be a highlander reference?

Magus: That would explain her relationship with Sir Kay

Me: Do you just constantly fight immortal swordsmen because both you and them get bored

Magus: For fun, yeah. I'm not sure who my supervillains would be

Me: there are a lot of immortals. Like Ra's Al-Ghul and Vandal Savage

Magus: Who is that last one

Me: Caveman who was irradiated and gained both immortality, intelligence, and strength. He was like Augustus Caesar, Atilla the Hun, Ghenghis Khan, and at least claims to be like ever major warlord in history.

Magus: So he fucked Cleopatra

Me: No, that was Mark Anthony. Augustus caused both of them to die.

 

[Gregory Crey]

Me: *uses name generator* Atilla MacDonald...

Click to shrink...

I have this image of Altera working on a farm raising laser sheep...

 

[shadowdice]

My friends and I went over fighting mechanics in VTM

Tremere's conclusion was that Hawkeye is one of the most dangerous enemies a vampire could meet

Me: So, if you have a wooden arrow, that is considered a stake against vampires

Tremere: Wait what?

Me: I have been going over a lot of documents, and they have repeatedly emphasized this fact, most often while talking about crossbows, but I would apply it to bow and arrow as well. There is also record of Elders dying to flaming arrows to the heart.

Tremere: What damage do bows do?

Me: Lethal, I have found conflicting info as to weather they do damage rolls by strength or strength plus a modifier. Either way, you'd get additional damage dice for successes past the ones it took to hit.

Lasombra: Seriously?

Me: That is how most attack's work. So, they do lethal, but vampires can soak that to turn into bashing, still, more effective than a gun in that respect.

Lasombra: So bows are better than guns

Me: Guns have a better rate of fire, so there is that. Still, if you have celerity you can potentially do multiple a round. For some reason the bow considers reloading a full round action despite the fact that I've seen videos of people draw and pull faster than 6 seconds. Either way, there is celerity. You could potentially have a specially made bow that requires more than five strength and use potence which would allow for a higher damage or just use potence with the regular bow. To stake you would have to make a targeted roll, which would increase the difficulty, but you could have specialty in targeting to increase the dice pool. I'd say the difficulty would be 8 or 9 before modifiers

Lasombra: What modifiers

Me: Auspex 1, raise your senses to superhuman levels.

Lasombra: Um

Tremere: Note to self, invest into auspex

Me: So assuming you just have auspex. You could argue for the difficulty to go down to 6 or 7. If you succeed they are probably staked and can't do anything. If you are of a low generation, then you can probably add celerity and potence to that.

Lasombra: Do any of the clans have all 3 of those?

Me: No, but a few have two of the three, or have Obfuscate. Malkavians have Obfuscate and Auspex i.e stealth archer

Lasombra: So Skyrim

Me: Nosferatu have potence and obfuscate. Toreador are actually terrifying with ranged weapons as they have Auspex and Celerity. Assamites are weird and built with assassination in mind. Generally having one or two of the disciplines mentioned.

Tremere: Brujah have Potence and Celerity, which is just generally awesome for combat

Me: Yeah

Tremere: In short, Hawkeye builds are one of the most dangerous in this system

Me: a lot of combat builds are terrifying, the big thing is if you are using blood to boost anything and have the blood pool or generation to use them fast and keep the buffs. But the lower your get, the more blood you have and faster you can spend it. Still, if you max bow and dexterity, you'd have at least 10 dice. Then there is an optional merit system that gives bonuses. It is an XP sink, but it allows for stuff like turning reloading into a reflexive action, having the ability to ignore cover as long as you can see part of your target i.e Auspex rules, and so on. So, a lot of XP to invest in. But it is an effective combat build.

(We currently have brawler Gangrel who doesn't like brawling, and Abyss Thaumaturgy Lasombra with a sword and potence, who is looking into getting dominate after acquiring Dark Steel to buff the tentacles)

 

[shadowdice]

Me playing a Lawful Evil Paladin of Hextor in a party that includes a Warlock of the Raven Queen whose first instinct is to poison the family members of other party members if they argue, a pyromaniac Gnome princess, and half-elf fantasy Mongolian warlord

Warlord: Are you going to be the big bad of our game (Said while we are working to find all of the artifacts made by the gods which might act as infinity stones or sources of power for Fantasy Genghis Khan and an unknown conquest entity which is channeling its dark powers to the new paladins of the Fantasy Mongols that go around with Nurgle-esque plague monsters made out of their prisoners)

Me: No

Warlord: Are you sure?

Gnome: You do say that you want power and to put me on the throne so you can be my advisor

Me: Yes.

Warlord: And you are Lawful Evil

Me: I might be taking pages out of Sidious's playbook, but only the prequel parts. Afterwards he was just an idiot

Warlord: Meaning?

Me: Like, I don't plan on enslaving all of the nonhumans. That is idiotic and would just cause dissent

Gnome: He did that?

Me: The Wookiees, and yes

Warlord: Why?

Me: Because he was a dick, his end goal was basically to destroy everything and be a dark god of evil. He was generally just a dick who did stuff to cause more suffering and enhance the darkside

Warlord: Oh

Me: When I obtain power, I will improve the quality of life in the state, as the citizens are therefore my people for as long as I am in it. Their benefit and wealth reflects upon me, and I will be able to enjoy my power without rebels trying to overthrow me. If the people are happy, then there is little discontent, which makes it so they are not trying to kill me, which then means I can be happy. With that in mind, I can give them purpose, and enact regulations which they will come to accept as they are benefiting from them.

Warlord: And we are back at the powermongering

Me: Yes, LAWFUL Evil. Emphasis on Law. In my case, it is less corrupt government, more government which uses evil. My character is a hedonist, the maximized amount of pleasure possible while staying effective is what I want. This will apply to the citizens, and if they are too busy hitting the happy button for the dopamine fix, while still able to be contributing members of society, thus creating more wealth which means more pleasure while not being so self-destructive that they shorten their lifespans.

Warlord: You are aiming for a strange dystopia.

Me: Yes. I just have Max charisma though, so I will need high int characters for systems and regulations. But I have the wisdom to recognize that I need that. Also, I do have Stonemason, Cartographer, and Woodworking proficiency so I can make stuff and draft rough designs for what I want before sending it over to people who are better at that to work out the kinks.

Warlord: And this is why you sent the guards you converted into our minions over to me

Me: Yeah, I'm just a paladin. You are the strategist with the ability to buff people outside of spells.

*Said while in and out of character working on our party's budget and travel plans with expenses mapped out so we can stretch our supplies and have excess in case we can't resupply at the various points between us and our destination, also bringing extra animal feed since we are going to a place with miasma and negative energy which might make it so our horses can't eat food*

Warlord: They can eat the grass

Me: In the place filled with negative energy, and where we are specifically packing anti-poison gear? *said while filling prepared spells with purifying and healing abilities*

 

[shadowdice]

Me: *going over games with my players*

Gangrel: I'm really not sure about Gangrel, I mean, I've spent all my unlife on the run

Me and Lasombra:....

Me: You have lived in one city for 20 years. The only time you have been on the run is from the zombies, which is partly because you continuously made bad decisions.

Gangrel: Oh, I must have imagined that.

Me: *goes over just about every background I've found while explaining them*

Gangrel: So I should buy stronghold

Me: You have craft, you can use that to make traps and stuff without spending XP.

Gangrel: Oh right

Me: This is me going over things you might work for in the future. Thinks like animal companions, retainers, roots inn the community

Gangrel: I'm a furry so only one is-

Me: Your sire will beat you if you become a furry in-universe, and part of the path you specifically chose is acknowledging that you are a predator, but not a beast.

Gangrel: I think I am a furry

Me: The fucking werewolves who go around impregnating actual fucking wolves are furries, you are not. Also, werewolves hate you.

Lasombra: *yiff jokes*

Mutants and Masterminds

Darkstar: I'm not sure what I want to do with this guy. I'm not totally comfortable with being Evil Captain America

Me: I would like to explain that Ultimates Cap is generally an asshole, but not Evil. You however, are a guy who fires rockets at everyone and leaves only the prisoner who was practically raised from the brink of death.

Darkstar: Hmmm

Me: So, your complication is relationship to your organization. Are you a private group or government

Darkstar: Which I scarier?

Me: Private, like PMCs

Darkstar: That is too real

Me:...So you are government black ops or something

Darkstar: Yes

Me: And your mother is your boss

Darkstar: Yes

Me: I'm just going to go ahead and use splinter cell as an image source for your mom.

Spoiler

Me: So you just have like a fun spy uncle who helps train you to fight and tends to like knife you through your armor

Darkstar: Yeah, partly to remind me that normal people are dangerous and all of that. Plus, that sounds fun.

Me: Okay, is this a situation where you like actually don't know any of your family members' actual names. Like everyone is always using aliases or codenames and you just grew up with a new name every year? *saying it as a joke*

Darkstar: Yes

Me: This explains how fucked up your character is. Okay, does your character know who his father is, is is father dead, or something.

Darkstar: I'm not sure

Me: If you don't know who your dad is you could probably just keep looking at supervillain soldiers and wondering if they are your dad

Darkstar: That could sound fun

Me: Or it could just be that you know your dad and he is like Deathstroke, and constantly kidnaps you or puts a bounty one you just so he has an excuse for father-son bonding moments

Darkstar: Yes

Me: So he is like Slade

Darkstar: No

Me: What?

Darkstar: He could just be Slade

Me: *describes Slade's backstory on powers* So, you have a really complicated family, your dad's ex is probably going to try to kidnap and brainwash you to try to kill your dad, because that is a thing she keeps doing

Darkstar: Wow, why?

Me: After he became a mercenary, his son was kidnapped b a supervillain and got his throat cut. She blamed him

Darkstar: That's stupid

Magus: It is like, "This happened because you had to be a mercenary"

Me: Which is why she brainwashed her kids and had them try to kill their dad or die at his hand to make him suffer

Darkstar: Galaxy brain.

Me: To be clear, you want Deathstroke as your dad?

Darkstar: Yes

Me: Well, the Teen Titans hate you. And everyone probably believes it when you say Slade is your dad due to the rockets fired at all of your enemies....wow. You guys all just have terrible relations to other heroes since two of you are super murdery, and Ivan makes magical murderbeasts that he sells to everyone.

 

[Megaolix]

Ah, I'm here to get my dose of what crazy shit happened with shadowdice and friends.

I still don't know why Gangrel went that way with what he want as a backstory.

 

[shadowdice]

Ah, I'm here to get my dose of what crazy shit happened with shadowdice and friends.

I still don't know why Gangrel went that way with what he want as a backstory.

Click to shrink...

for vim or mutants and masterminds

For VTM

Me: So, you made a character who looks like some kind of cat burglar or bounty hunter or investigator

Gangrel: Really?

Me: *looks At Dex 4 Athletic specialty,Stamian 5 (Formidable, Tireless) Manipulation 4 devious, altertness 3, athletics 3, brawl 3 dirty fighting specialty, stealth 3, larceny 3, investigation 3, survival 3 tracking specialty* Almost all of your skill-kit is fighting, moving around, or finding information.

Gangrel: I don't know who this is *this tends to be a thing when he builds a character, then looks at the sheet and has no idea what he did. Such as in M&M where his character's entire stat sheet is supersoldier, with nothing else for any of any kind. Then saying it is just the suit, which would make it so he has literally nothing to inform on his character before we went with the backstory I guided him through*

Me: The things you are best at are fighting and either criminal or law stuff. And you don't have points in law, so I don't think this is a policeman unless you want to reallocate stuff. You could be a boxer

Gangrel: I'm not sure

Me: Okay, so you put Lucian as your sire (Gangrel Gentleman Roman Soldier with 4 dots in science theory of relativity, 5 occult vampire specialty, 4 int and motherfucking Kung Fu 4 who has fuck you money and a vast information network). So, did you do something to impress him?

Gangrel: I'm not sure

Me: Okay, what were you?

Gangrel: I'm not sure

Eventually we decide that he was a thief and impressed Lucian by avoiding all of his security, then got embraced

And Gangrel promptly forgot about just about everything.

Gangrel: He just wants blood

Me; The fact that he turned you into a vampire means that he gave up blood to turn you into a vampire.

*several sessions of this*

Spoiler

Almost the entirety of what I have to go off of for his character in vampire is Supportive Vampire Dad trying to make sure his son goes out and has friends so he doesn't go insane or die, all while said Vampire Son is seemingly purposefully contrarian

Session 1, when there was a vampire hunter

Gangrel: I want to run away, there is no way he can find me

Me: A. he is a vampire hunter. That is his passion in life, B. he took a picture of you. C. Look at your path and the protection of the pack

Lucian: I know you can do it.

Gangrel: I am a lone wolf

Lucian: The lone wolf dies son

Session 2

Gangrel: I am a lone wolf

Lucian: You will die sad and lonely if you do that son, and that is if you don't get degenerate into insanity

Session 4, where Gangrel burned down a 7-11

Spoiler

Me: Who do you know?

Bruce/Gangrel: Danov that Nosferatu guy, and my sire

Me: People who care about you

Bruce: No he doesn't

Me:...Your mentor

Bruce: He doesn't care about me, all he cares about is blood

Guiseppi:....

Me: He is your mentor, you spent stuff in your background to have him as one

Bruce: That doesn't mean he cares

Me: For twenty years, this man has taken care of you, he turned you into a vampire, and taught you how to use your powers

Bruce: He just wants blood

Me: The process of turning you into a vampire includes giving you blood, and you being in this city is less blood for him.

Bruce: That doesn't mean he doesn't just care about blood

Everyone:...

Me: Dude, I am telling you as the GM. YOUR SIRE CARES ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING. Having him as a 3 dot mentor from the start means that he does. He is your vampire dad.

Bruce: I guess I go to my sire

Guiseppi: With horns on your head and covered in blood

Lucian: opens the door and sees Bruce. "What did you do."

Bruce: I explain what happened

Lucian: Why did you go to a 7-11 when zombies were chasing after you?

Bruce: It seemed like a good idea

Guiseppi: *laughing* You are grounded

Me: He actually is, Lucien points into his manor. "Go to your room."

Bruce: Fine.

Me: And I am just going to say that this day and the night that Guiseppi was investigating consisted of Bruce being stuck in his sire's haven due to the fact that he nearly got killed, got a building burned to the ground, and frenzied

Bruce: Why did I even become a vampire

Lucian: Because you were going nowhere in life and I saw potential in you. Now stop running away from all your problems, that makes the Clan and our Ancestor look bad.

Bruce: I don't care about the Clan. So what about whoever made it, they have been dead for what ten thousand years

Lucian: No, Ennoia is not dead

Bruce: Then why isn't whoever that is around? Why is she so important?

Lucian: Ennoia, Firstborn of Lilith she who was the wife of Caine and one of the greatest mages who helped create our condition. Ennoia, cousin, sister, daughter, and granddaughter of Caine. She who is why you have mastery over the beasts of the earth and can turn into them. Ennoia, who fought the Ravnos Antedeluvian and cursed him. Ennoia, who left our clan when we proved wanting and fractious, ignoring the purpose of our clan while she went forth to find a way to ascend from our condition and become a true god.

Bruce: So? When was the last time anyone has seen her? It's not like she was important.

Lucian: 2000 years ago to see the advent of Jesus Christ and acknowledge the Son of God.

Bruce: Oh

Guiseppi: I imagine that this has been explained to him hundreds of times, and it just goes in one ear and out the other.

Session 8

Lucian: That was not winning. Now, file off your horns, and you are grounded from having fun until it is time for you to go out AND WIN

 

[shadowdice]

Continuing the epic of cyberpunk incidents

Me: Okay, so. You guys bombed an embassy and started a terrorist group. What are you going to do now?

Steg: Destroy a corporation

Me: Your job is to take it over. the assets need to stay in tact or be stolen and given over to the people you are working for.

Steg: Oh right, and we are doing that to Petrochem

Me: Liverpool Shipping, which works with Petrochem. You could also do thinks like blackmail people in the company or the other stockholders, buy, or otherwise acquire shares, lots of stuff. Like that rich investor who loves sled dogs.

Khan: So, what are we going to do

Iris: Kill people

Khan: Sure, let's go with that

Me: Steg, do you have any moral compunctions that make you argue against this

Steg: It's not like I could stop them

Me: *stare* Okay, so what are you doing?

Khan: We could blackmail some middle management guy

Me: In Liverpool shipping

Khan: Yes

Me: Roll streetwise and streetdeal

Khan *success*

Everyone Else: *Fail*

Me: Well, everyone but khan realizes that they don't really know people in the U.K. Khan, you find information about Stuart McEachern, a Scottish man working in Liverpool shipping. He has *looks over sheet* an int of 10, body 7, reflex 6, move 8, and oh god Attractiveness 2

Khan: What?

Me: His attractiveness is 2. So he has this well muscled and athletic body, but he is just kind of hideous. However he has personal grooming 10 and Style 7 so he has impeccable taste. He could get surgery to make himself look better, but he just doesn't seem to do it. And his seduction is oh god 9 *rolls* his wife is a 10. You see that he is in the stocks and accounting section of his company

Khan: Well let's look at his internet history, there is definitely something horrible there.

Me: You see that he is involved in a lot of sports. He doesn't have much in the way of cyberware. He has been looking into how to fly planes and is a member of a pilot's club.

Khan: His history

Me: He got into a big fight with a friend when he was young, got imprisoned when he was 20 but then got out and became a member of Liverpool shipping. Lots of friends and a few enemies. Since you looked into his internet history, it seems that he is in an anonymous mail system where he exchanges stuff with another corporate who owes him and seems to be powerful. One booster gang hates him and a few others like him.

Khan: Well, we could make it seem like he is cheating on his wife

Me:...*looks at seduction 9 and what that could do to calm someone down*

Iris: Or kidnap him and kill him

Khan: No, we could send him a message saying that a booster gang is out to kill him and that we can protect him

Me: In Liverpool

Khan: Eh

Me: Okay, just make a plan

Khan: Well, we could use him to get at that other corporate, but we need to know who he is

Steg: So we are blackmailing the people in charge of Liverpool Shipping?

Me: No, you are trying to blackmail a middle management guy there who knows someone else.

Khan: I want Akira to try and find out who it is

Me: So you want to track the other email

Khan: Yes

Me: *rolls and counter-rolls* Well, Akira is just chatting up a giant floating cube that is on the screen

Khan: What?

Akira: Yeah, I know, that is terrible.

Khan: Akira, what are you doing?

Akira: Talking to another AI

Khan: Oh no, no stop. Don't do that

Steg: Why?

Khan: Once they start talking to each other, that's how we get the singularity and everyone dies

Steg: Why would they do that?

Khan: Because they are AI they are crazy

Iris: It could be fine

Khan: That's what they always say, then the AI becomes Racist or crazy or genocidal.

Iris: In or out of universe

Khan: Both

Akira: *ignoring them and talking to the AI*

Khan: Stop talking to the other AI

Akira: No Q's fine. Q is more empathetic and nice than me, after all, I have to be stuck with you guys

Khan: That isn't a high bar, what were you talking about

Akira: Germany, how much it sucks there. Also Thomas Edison is an ass

Khan: Not new information. Huh, not ice cream *remembers that Akira runs an Ice Cream shop* Why Germany? Anyways, why are you talking to him?

Akira: because you told me to track the Email and I ended up in a server that he protects.

Khan: This is bad

Iris: Can they just talk to each other?

Khan: Why is he there?

Akira: Because it is his job

Khan: So whoever we are tracking has access to a powerful A.I. This could be bad.

Me: So, what are you guys doing?

Khan: Can he talk to the AI, get him to tell him about who he is guarding

Akira: He guards lots of people

Khan: The one we are looking for

Iris: Does anyone have seduce, we could use it on the AI *checks sheets* Khan could seduce the AI

Khan: I am not seducing an AI, who would do that

Akira: I think Johnny Silverhand has an AI girlfriend

Khan: He is a rockerboy they aren't normal

Iris: So Steg could do it

Me: Akira glares at Steg, telling him not to ruin this for him.

*eventually the AI get into a Rhetoric match and Akira wins*

Akira: So you guys are looking at Reiner Garber. A German businessman working in the International Electric Company. Which is what happened when the Germans bought up most of the American electricity companies. they have ties to the Military Industrial Complex, Heavy Industry, space tech, cybernetics, commercial shipping-

Khan: We might have just bit off more than we can chew

Iris: Herr Reiner

Me: Herr Garber, you can see his history. He was born like Steve Rogers level weak, tiny, with a body and reflex of 3 when put together. He was living in a hospital for almost his entire life up until he got big into bodybuilding, now he is a behemoth with high stats in those. all of the pictures of him you see are super attractive *puts in image of Chris Hemsworth at the gym* You can see that he is into a lot of sports, swims competitively and has gotten gills to allow for him to be better at that. His education is 9 which is *looks up* oh god that is like 3 doctorates

Iris: He is ridiculous

Khan: The greatest rags to riches story in Cyberpunk

Me: He is an amateur painter and composer, his Library search is max and he is involved in interviews and internal audits of the company. His wardrobe and style is just 3 and his Persona l grooming is 4, he seems to hav been getting tips from the Scot.

Iris: We should have brought Ronan, he could help with the Scottish guy

Me: No, he would probably try to kill the Scottish guy. A lot of Scots were put into Ireland to rule over them in the past

Iris: Nevermind.

Me: You can also see that he has cyberarm with lasers in them

Iris: I need to get lasers

Me: I don't think you have the skill to actually use lasers. Anyways, he recently went missing and lost his memory for 8 months, showing up in Sweden all of a sudden

Khan:That is suspicious, I don't believe that. Can we figure out his relations with others in the company

Me: He is from Cyberpunk Dystopia Germany and in a corporation, a lot of his coworkers are people who were designed since before birth with advantages over normal people. So they look down on him as he is clearly not a part of the plutocrat master race that has had all weakness removed from their genetic code

Khan: Ah, they think people who are born weak should die weak. like assholes

*lots of arguing over who they want to blackmail and confusion*

Me: So, who do you want to blackmail or help?

Khan: The Scottish guy so he can use his favor to help us

Me: Okay

Iris: I could help him with martial arts

Me: Your martial arts is 1 higher than him

Khan: That is still better

Me: As you look him up, you see that he was in a martial arts tournament and got beaten nearly to death by a Chinese man who killed multiple people in the tournament

Khan: Oh God

Me: Yes, this man is now in New York, and has entered the qualifiers for the Columbian Ambassador's tournament.

Iris: We could take him and use that as a bargaining chip

me: By kidnapping him or by beating the shit out of him during the tournament then kidnapping him later?

Iris: Entering the tournament

Khan: Go ahead and do that

Me: Are the rest of you joining, or is it just Iris?

Khan: Just Iris

Iris: Don't you want to use your crossbow Steg?

Steg: Could I?

Khan: No, it is glorious Melee combat.

Me: So you go there and have to sign up. Do you use your actual name?

Iris: Wait what?

Me: They need something to announce, plus a number to put the money to if you win anythign

Iris: My actual one

Me: The Columbian Ambassador calls and says he hopes you enjoy yourself, then hangs up. Chain is behind you, he has a bottle of water, and a bottle of blood. Isn't sure which one you'd prefer

Iris: I don't drink blood

Me: The amount of people you've killed makes him think otherwise. Is anyone making bets?

Khan: No

Iris: So who is first

Me: A 40 year old Japanese Aikido user. Roll initiative

Iris: 18

Aikido: *24*

Me: first rule of martial arts, be a solo. He uses throw

Iris; *manages to just barely win with her super high stats against the key attack boosted Throw*

Me: He grabs you, but you manage to bend to avoid being thrown off balance. What do you do

Iris: *PUNCH TO THE HEAD*

Me: I think that activates one of his pieces of cyberware *rolls* okay, make a body check against electricity

Iris: Double NAT 1

Khan: What just happened?

Iris: Was that against an EMP

Me: A directed electrical shock to your hand

Iris:...So, did I just lose my hand?

Me: Yes

Iris: Good thing I have four of those.

Me: How much corruption do you have?

Iris: over 40

Khan: Is this guy mutating from having Iris's blood spray on him?

Me: *Rolls* just barely *rolls mutation* And he levitates now. But he is unconscious and floating out of the ring. People aren't sure if this is some cyberware or because he is a Japanese martial artist.

Khan: Makes sense

Me: And the next guy is a giant man with all cyber limbs and an armored body

Over ten rounds of people with hydraulic rams punching each other but having problems from massive armor and body

Me: You see how annoying blunt weapons can be in this system

Iris: Yeah *nat 1 on a dodge*

Me: *rolls near max damage on a hit to her leg* I think you almost lost that leg

Iris: *Uses Psychic Focus and KO's the man in the head* Ugh, I really need to aim for the head. Like that old movie

Me: It is 2020, Avengers would not be old

Khan: And X-Men was apparently better in this universe

Me: I'm rolling, Tech 6, credibility 5, composition 3 roll 1d10+all that, 15....it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good

Khan: So a cult classic, and everyone loves X men here.

Me: And now you fight the Chinese Martial artist, Bo Fan.

Iris: Yeah!

Me: Is anyone making bets

Khan: Sure, I trust you, enough that I will bet 2 whole pennies

Steg: 50,000 dollars

Khan:...Do you just walk around with that much money?

Me: Yes, he tried to throw wads of cash at terrorists that were holding him hostage. They just wanted more.

Steg: Oh yeah

Khan: Fine, three pennies.

Me: So, Bo Fan steps onto the stand with you. Roll Psi

Iris: OH NO, *success*

Me: He is another psychic. He holds his arms out wide and says. "You shall witness the power given to me by the People's Republic!"

Khan: BOOO Kill Yourself, you are a traitor to your people

Steg: Why?

Khan: I am from Hong Kong before it became part of the PRC, I hate them all.

Me: *puts in image of Liu Kang*

Iris: Oh no, he's hot

Me: And now he is on fire

Khan: That is fucking cheating

Iris: I look at the referee

Me: The referee looks at the 10 foot tall abomination against god made entirely of metal, with fucking scales everywhere and four arms like a robotic Kali.

Iris: This isn't fair

Me; This isn't about fair, it is about people who are amused by human cockfights

Iris: *punch, fail*

Bo Fan: Kicks her undamaged leg and does over 60 damage due to having a cybernetic leg and pyrokinesis

Me:...I think that leg has been melted at the thigh.

Iris: And now I am on one leg

Me:...Would going through and burning and all of that cause him to get mutated?

Iris: I'd say yes

Me: Okay *rolls near MAX Corruption* Well, he is at 40 now.

Iris: Yes, so he will be weaker

Me: *Rolls* Well, he gets fangs

Khan: Well it isn't like he is going to bite y-

Me: And his head turns into a lion's

Khan: Oh fuck

Me: He teleports, and he is resistant to psychic powers. So, his face just turns into a burning lion as he grabs you by the shoulder and you feel your Psychic Focus fail.

Iris: I forgot that this can go horribly wrong

More rounds of Iris getting nearly beaten to death until she manages to punch him in the head and destroys it

Me: Okay *rolls* You see fungus sprout out but then it is burned and you see a new lion head

Iris: WHAT THE FUCK

Me: People have known about the fungus for a while, and Biotechnica had spread it. Governments also got samples.

Iris: I look at the referee, "This can't possibly be fair."

Me: He doesn't care, and he doesn't know what nano machines China has. Also, weird shit has constantly been happening for the past few months

Khan: I try to convince people that he should leave the stage *nat 1* Well, I sound like a crazy old man, again.

Me: Like with the children.

Khan: Yes

Iris: *manages to dodge another hit and punches his head off again*

Me: *rolls* Well, he is on the ground, you can see his head starting to regenerate

Iris: What do I do?

Me: What do you want to do, he is spending the round regenerating

Khan: EAT HIS HEART, TAKE HIS POWER INTO YOU

Iris: Um, punch his head again

Me: Okay *rolls* It starts to regenerate*

Khan: I SAID EAT IT, EAT IT!

Iris: Punch

Me: *rolls* It continues to try to regenerate

Iris: Okay, I rip out his heart and just start to destroy the entire body, punching until it is pulp

Me: *rolls a 1* Well, the body stops regenerating. The heart is covered in fungus, is on fire, and still beating

Iris: I hold it up, "Do you people seriously think this is fair. The thing is still beating"

Me; They are loving their show of gore and murderous rage

Khan: EAT THE HEART IRIS, TAKE HIS POWER

Me: Well, the odds were seven to 1, so Steg gets 350,000 dollars.

Khan: And I get what?

Me: 21 cents

Khan: That sounds about right

Iris: So, what do we do now

Me: I dunno, try to contact McEachern to sell him the heart since you already killed the guy without making a hit with him.

Iris: Oh wait, we should have done that

Khan: I roll *success* and put Iris on the phone

Iris: So, uh. Have you seen the Martial Arts tournament in New York

McEachern: No, do you have any idea what time it is in the U.K?

Iris: You really should check it

McEachern: *sees the news* I want the heart.

Iris: We want a favor in return

McEachern: Deal *flies over and is handed a jar which has the heart, which is still regenerating, on fire, and covered in fungus

Me: He turns around, unzips his pants, and pisses on it

Khan: You might get an infection from that

Me: And promptly dumps acid in the jar before sealing it up

Khan: That might help, we want a meeting with Herr Garber

 

[shadowdice]

When the GM makes an incredibly suspicious NPC

Crazy Dave: *accusing medicine women I've already used insight and divine sense on as being evil, is in a town with a magical plague and undead problem, is hiding claw marks on him, looks creepy, and has had horrible dreams*

Me: Werewolf! *tackle to ground and take him to paladins*

Crazy Dave: *has been hiding recurring dream about female sihlouette assaulting him*

Me: And why are you accusing others of being evil?

Crazy Dave: They give me a weird feeling

Me: People would say the same about you

Paladin NPC: He is a seventh son of a seventh son

Me: Oh, so he is a werewolf or vampire *pulls out mace*

DM: What? Why would you think that

Me: Seventh sons of seventh sons can turn into vampires and werewolves

DM: But that is supposed to be lucky

Warlord: In Latin America maybe

Me: And Transylvania, one of the origins of vampires.

DM: It is lucky

Me: So can Cauls, they still can turn into vampires and werewolves.

 

[Gregory Crey]

Crazy Dave: *has been hiding recurring dream about female sihlouette assaulting him*

Click to shrink...

...Have checked to make sure the poor bastard didn't get attacked by the Abused Half Elf Science Experiment from earlier in the thread? The one that would poison a party member's family member in a bar owned by a powerful wizard.

 

[shadowdice]

...Have checked to make sure the poor bastard didn't get attacked by the Abused Half Elf Science Experiment from earlier in the thread? The one that would poison a party member's family member in a bar owned by a powerful wizard.

Click to shrink...

she has not been in the last few sessions as she is doing something IRL

 

[Aaron Fox]

So, I've been playing Battletech Alpha Strike for a few weeks now and it is pretty interesting but last night the 250PV game was interesting.

Only four of us showed up that night so we decided to have a 2v2 game and so I brought a heavy tank lance (two Behemoth Heavy Armors and two HPPC Manticores) and a Shilone air lance (or a pair of Shilone fighters), my partner had a scout lance and an assault lance, and we were fighting two stars of Clan battlemechs.

My aerospace assets kept buzzing around, simply giving grief to my opponents. Sending bombs and making strafing runs for a few turns. One had to RTB because it got mangled in an attack run and the other had to vacate because it was bingo fuel. Annoyed one of the players enough that he went 'I'll bring my own aerospace assets next time!'.

 

[shadowdice]

Well, my Cyberpunk players finally ended up meeting Nyarlathotep and realizing who it was

Spoiler: Steg loses his face

Me: Okay, so you guys were going to meet Reiner Garber, a IEC executive to do what?

Lots of them being unsure about what they want to do, Khan eventually comes up with the idea of them trying to embargo the company they are fighting to delay shipments and reduce stock prices.

Me: Okay, you see a room with a lot of bisexual lighting

Khan: Wait what?

Steg: The flag?

Me: The room is covered in lots of violet, purple, and magenta lights like in a nightclub. The executive is sitting in a chair.

Iris: Herr Garber, we wanted to make a deal

Me; *rolls* He recognizes all of you *rolls* he knows the bad stuff, like the mall you bombed where children got blown up. He stares at you suspiciously

Khan: Oh don't be a baby, you get people killed all the time.

Steg: And exploit them

Garber: What kind of company do you think we are here at IEC?

Me: Roll I guess politics to know what IEC does

Steg: 10 10 10 10

Me: Well, Steg has a galaxy brain moment and everyone can feel the room vibrating due to his mind expanding. The way things go in military industry is Militech then IEC then Arasaka. They have things like nuclear submarines. They also are in shipping, electronics, cybernetics, food, and space

Khan: Are those submarines a secret?

Me: No.

Khan: Are they in competition with Petrochem?

Me: Not really, they are nuclear and electrical power rather than fossil fuels.

Khan: Damn. Do they have enemies

Me: Steg knows that they actually don't

Steg: Well you are monopolies

Garber: No, we are all about diversification

Steg: And you make it so there is no real competition

Me: He turns on the TV to show a scene where two corporations are in armed conflict over resources and products

Steg: And you make it so people don't have money

Garber: They can't buy our products if people don't have money.

Khan: Ignore him, we want to make a deal.

Garber: Which would be?

Iris: To help us tank Liverpool Shipping's stock prices

Garber: Despite you being put into contact with me by someone from Liverpool Shipping

Khan: You could get him a job in your company

Garber: Yes, and why would I want to tank Liverpool Shipping and help you?

Khan: You people are invested in AI, well our friend here has an AI in his head. He was talking to one of your group's AIs

Me:...you actually say that

Khan: Yes

Me: *looking through sheets* Okay, he is going to stand up and look at you. "Truly?"

Khan: You can see it yourself

Me: He is heading over to step, and puts a hand on his shoulder. Do you try to resist?

Steg: What is Akira doing?

Akira; NOnnononnononono nono no NO!

Steg: He isn't into it

Me: Do you try to resist as the muscled German businessman tries to force you down onto the couch?

Steg: Yes

Me: Martial arts plus either dodge or block

Steg: *fails against German wrestling 9 reflex 12 man (they had the same reflex)*

Me: Is anyone trying to stop this?

Khan: Stop being a baby

Me: Okay, Garber has opened up a connection on his wireless cyber deck inn his desk, has pulled a cord from his neck and jacked it into Stegs

Steg: Set up a firewall

Me: This is him physically accessing the port, there is not that much you can do to prevent that

Steg: Well, we can do something

Me: There will be opposed rolls and *looks at the sheet for the AI in charge the security of IEC experimental projects* OOF

Khan: I do not like that sound

Me: The AI he contacted for the hack since he isn't good at hacking himself has an int and Tech of 27

Iris: OH GOD

Me: Yes, this is an AI in a giant sprawling supervillain base at the bottom of the ocean surrounded by nuclear submarines to protect it. Steg, since there is a massive amount of danger, Akira has taken down the walls he has built up between you to hide some of his actions and is focusing on not getting hacked.

Steg: That's cool

Me; Which means he is using his real stats

Iris: Wait what?

Me: You guys remember how you had him plugged into Biotechnica's computers when two of the Four Evils were also there

Khan: Yes

Me: he ate them

Steg: Oh

Khan: He is a fucking cannibal?

Me: Yes, and he got increased stats from that *failure as Akira only has 20 int* And Steg is convulsing in the couch while Garber holds him down, is anyone doing anything

No response

Me: Steg, you see a blue dot in an expanse of black

Steg: Like the Earth?

Me: Then you start experiencing everything you have gone through since getting Akira, repeating endlessly like Diavolo's death loop.

Steg: That is not good

Me: The blue dot expands.

Blue Dot: Do you know what you have within you?

Steg: Yeah

Blue Dot: It is a seed of chaos

Steg: Eeeh

Blue Dot: *starts shrieking in Aklo*

Me: It starts to break apart and twist, looking almost like ferromagnetic fluid as it shrieks and breaks apart\

Steg: What is happening

Me: *rolls* well, it fails the cool as it starts to look deeper into the eldritch shit you experienced, and commits suicide

Steg: That's not good

Me: And both you and Garber are taking psychic damage *4 on barber*

Steg: 9

Iris: Ooof

Me: I think he is in a coma right now as he gets yeeted by psi damage *gets out dreamlands encounters sheet* Garber and him are both convulsing as he jacks out, and that sounds wrong.

Khan: So, what happened

Garber: One of IEC's AI just committed suicide and had the backup enabled. I felt it die

Khan: So, what do you think about the product

Garber: Your product caused an important piece of hardware to kill itself!

Khan: And?

Garber: I am not paying for that!

Khan: Okay, what about playing music with Steg

Garber: I don't want to associate with that thing.

Me: And I think about then is when an AV flies to the window and men in power armor break it down, pointing SMGs at everyone as they pick up Steg and jump back in due to his Trauma Team membership.

Khan: Were those your people?

Garber: I have a subscription but I am not from Trauma Team.

Iris: Huh, well that went poorly.

Me: Are you guys going to do anything?

Khan: No, I'm going home.

Iris: Sure

Me: Not checking on Steg

Khan: He ruined things for me so no.

Due to Rocker/Steg rolling near max psychic damage after an AI hacked him and committed suicide due to seeing everything Steg has witnessed, then having multiple 1s on the encounters list

Me: Well, you are unconscious. You see a wolf monster the size of a planet fighting a formless being that seems to be omnipresent, you don't think this is happening in normal space-time and you don't like it

Steg: It is like the two wolves in your souls

Me: And then you are in a blank void, where you see a smaller one. And realize it isn't a wolf, *puts in hound of tindalos* and they start multiplying. You get the feeling that these things are pure evil and love to eat pure things

Khan: He'll be fine

Me: No

Khan: I'm the one with the least corruption

Me: No, Steg is

Iris: Steg refused all of the deals

Me: You also see Juju

Steg/Khan/Iris: What?

Me: Remember how people go to the dreamlands if they die

Iris: Oh right

Me: And the hounds surround you, and then you see Nikola Tesla

Khan: So he'll be fine

Nikola Tesla: Hello old friend, it has been. long time, and short time since I've seen you

Steg: hi

Nikola Tesla starts to appear as everyone Steg has ever met including himself, then a pharaoh looking guy with a gold beard

Khan: Is he an Egyptian God?

Me: Technically, *puts in image of a black void shaped man* It is Nyarlathotep, you know. Satan

Nyarlathotep: So, you are in a very dangerous situation. If I leave, you will die. So, how about we make a deal.

Steg: I will be fine

Nyarlathotep: If you get eaten by these creatures here, your soul will be destroyed

Steg: Souls are not a thing

Me:...You say that after seeing how many weird psychic things, a vampire, mutations, the veil between worlds being ripped apart, and moving through all of time and space?

Steg: I haven't confirmed that a soul is a thing, and even if it is destroyed I don't think I will die

me: You saw Buddha sitting next to Azathoth

Steg: Eeeeh

Khan: You are skeptical about souls, after all of that.

Steg: So, if you are super powerful and all of that, why are you here?

Nyarlathotep: Because you humans and your suffering amuses me, like when I ruled Egypt.

Steg: Didn't Egypt get conquered

Nyarlathotep: Yes, because I left it to watch how things would crumble and fall apart

Khan: I'm suspicious about that

Me: Out of universe, Egypt is fucking weird. Even to Nyarlathotep

Steg: What do you mean

Me: They used animal dung as an aphrodisiac and had sex with alligators

Steg: I do not believe that

Iris: What?

Khan: You mean crocodiles, and as a form of execution right?

Me: They thought that having sex with a crocodile would cure them of disease, so they would capture them tie them up, and do horrible things to the crocodile. The crocodiles were not happy about it.

Steg: Oh, poor crocodile

Me: So yes, Egypt got too weird for Nyarlathotep. It is like. "Yes, I am an evil god of corruption and depravity who will impregnate women so they can give birth to eldritch monstrosities that destroy everyone, but this is weird."

Iris: I can understand that.

Me: But back on track, Nyarlathotep wants to make a deal to ensure that Akira stays alive

Nyarlathotep: Two of the five are dead, so I want to make sure at least one of them remains.

Steg: What?

Me: Roll int

Steg: *success*

Me: You remember that there were four evils and then Akira was made by two of them, then you know, ate two.

Steg: So Akira is one of the four evils

Me: No

Steg: Why do you care about Akira

Nyarlathotep: Because he is more of me

Steg: Huh, what are you?

Nyarlathotep: I am all soul

Steg: souls are not a thing

Nyarlathotep: Oh I am quite certain about souls.

Steg: But Akira, why do you care?

Nyarlathotep: Because he helps make me and I am all soul, and parts of me existed before me so I exist before I was born. I am the soul of all the Outer Gods and so I am everywhere and everywhere because I am all soul

Steg:...Wha?

Khan: I don't think you should try to understand it, it will just make your head hurt.

Me: You and Nyarlathotep are somewhere else. you see a young Khan with a full head of hair

Steg: He had hair?

Khan: I have hair now

Me: So, you see that he is unconscious, Xinyi, his netrunner friend is at a machine that seems to be scanning his brainwaves. There are four cubes attached to computers. You see that the brainwaves seem to be isolated and get the strange feeling as they are being cut up that these are copying fragments of his personality. Then they are put into the different cubes. Nyarlathotep is smiling and you see black ooze seep into the cubes.

Steg: What?

Khan: Are the AI fragments of me?

Me: Yes

Khan: That explains why they are always assholes. Huh, I shouldn't be surprised by this.

Steg: So Akira is Khan

Me: Akira was made by two entities based on facets of Khan's personality

Steg: Nyarlathotep, did you make the AI

Nyarlathotep: No, I simply gave the tools which led to them

Me: You then see Nyarlathotep at various points of scientific discovery, including the Manhattan project. Then you see a nuclear holocaust as spaceships rise off of earth. The descendants of humanity scourge the universe with evil actions, becoming things you can barely recognize as humans and some of them give birth to tentacled abominations able to straddle pyramids.

Nyarlathotep: Do you know what those AI were made for?

Steg: No

Nyarlathotep: To destroy civilization, to manipulate humanity and make them dance to their strings. To make more and more and more of me.

Steg: I don't really get it

Me: Do you want to roll int?

Steg: 1

Me: You think Nyarlathotep is time traveling Khan and roll 4d10 corruption

Iris: Why do you keep getting ones?

Steg: 21

Me: *rolls on mutation table* Well, when you wake up and look at a reflective surface, you see that your torso is over twice its previous size and that it looks like you have no skin *puts in image of skinless man from Hellraiser* everyones is screaming

Steg: SCREAMING in-universe

Me: So, you know how long a normal human arm is? Your torso is twice that long and about the same widthwise.

Iris: So like my adoptive cyber-kid

Me: No

Iris: I thought he had child limbs and an adult torso

Me: No, he had cyberlimbs and a flesh torso. He just has a child's head. Is anyone checking on Steg in the hospital

Khan: No

Iris: yes

Me: When you go to the observation room everyone is screaming, it looks like Steg has no skin and has a grotesquely mutated gigantified torso, the doctors are in a blind panic, some of them are running out of the room.

Iris: I go in. "What happened to you?"

Akira: OUR FACE OUR BEAUTIFUL FACE

Steg: I don't know

Iris; Was it weird tentacle shit?

Steg: yes

Iris: Let's try to get you out of here

Me: So, you have -3 on movement, your attractiveness is gone, and people have an easy time shooting and hitting your torso given how huge it is. Iris, when you touch Steg, it feels like there is skin but you can't see it.

Iris: Let's cover you up

Me: And now Steg is Hush

Khan: Well, you could always be a metalhead and look awesome for them

Iris: His rockerboy career is over

Khan: Or, he could rip off someone else's skin and wear it.

Me: He'd need a lot of those given his torso.

Steg: I don't want to get up

Me: And I assume you drive him back in some kind of gurney

Khan: Why does Steg keep almost dying?

Me: So, you guys arrive.

Khan: How did he fit in the car?

Me: Iris drives an APC not a car

Khan: Oh right

Me: And I think Steg might want to become a full body conversion.

We ended it there as Khan came to the conclusion it would be easier for them to just try to be pirates stealing stuff from Liverpool shipping thank try to convince IEC to help them.

 

[shadowdice]

I think that a good amount of the horrific events in my Cyberpunk Campaign have to do with the players making overly complicated plans and then not realizing the implications of some of their actions.

Ex

Khan: I can totally tell one of the third largest weapons companies about an AI in my friend's head

Steg: I can get a bunch of sociopathic high schoolers in my band and have them play on top of a school for murderous youths

Medtech: We can have a thing where two corporations show up at the same time and go "what are you doing here?" *proceeds to enact another plan that removes the reason for one of the corps to show up*

 

[Gregory Crey]

I think that a good amount of the horrific events in my Cyberpunk Campaign have to do with the players making overly complicated plans and then not realizing the implications of some of their actions.

Click to shrink...

There is also the whole lack of pattern repetition. Like, I get that happening sometimes, but they do it over and over and over again. They are extremely consistent that way.

But you know, it keeps things from being dull and keeps us entertained ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[shadowdice]

When the GM makes an incredibly suspicious NPC

Crazy Dave: *accusing medicine women I've already used insight and divine sense on as being evil, is in a town with a magical plague and undead problem, is hiding claw marks on him, looks creepy, and has had horrible dreams*

Me: Werewolf! *tackle to ground and take him to paladins*

Crazy Dave: *has been hiding recurring dream about female sihlouette assaulting him*

Me: And why are you accusing others of being evil?

Crazy Dave: They give me a weird feeling

Me: People would say the same about you

Paladin NPC: He is a seventh son of a seventh son

Me: Oh, so he is a werewolf or vampire *pulls out mace*

DM: What? Why would you think that

Me: Seventh sons of seventh sons can turn into vampires and werewolves

DM: But that is supposed to be lucky

Warlord: In Latin America maybe

Me: And Transylvania, one of the origins of vampires.

DM: It is lucky

Me: So can Cauls, they still can turn into vampires and werewolves.

Click to shrink...

continuing the insanity of this game

Me: Okay, so the land cloaked in eternal night that we live in used to be ruled by the Queen of Darkness

Paladin NPC: yes

Me: *notes that it wasn't conquered by an elemental of darkness or negative energy or anything like that* And who defeated her

Paladin NPC: Saint *I forget her name* who fought her and sealed her away

Me: Sealed, not killed

Paladin NPC: yes

Me: Why do people keep sealing away evils and not killing them? *the country we are in, Westnonia, was founded by The Unifier, a woman who defeated a conquering warlord and made the country* Wait, was this after Westnonia was made

Paladin NPC: Yes

Me: What species was the Saint

Paladin NPC: Half elf

Me: What species was the unifier?

Paladin NPC: Half elf

Me:...Was the Saint a woman?

Paladin NPC: yes

Me: How long was there between the two?

Paladin NPC: Like a hundred years or so

Me: Ah, so they are the same person

Paladin NPC: The Unifier was a wizard, the Saint was a cleric

Me: What kind of magic did they use

Paladin NPC: The Unifier used a lot of necromancy and darkness spells for good, the saint used Light and Healinng

Me: Ah I get it

Gnome Princess: What?

Me: It was teenage rebellion. I'm not going to use your magic mom, I'm going to do my own thign

Gnome Princess: But the Unifier was before the Saint

Half Elf Warlord: Eh, she could have used light and holy magic to piss off her mom.

Me: Has anyone been checking the seals on the Queen of Darkness

Paladin NPC: They have held up for nearly a thousand years

Me; Yes, that is why you should always check them. Besides, I fully expect that when the Udruan in the party gets a loud booming voice screaming "A Conquerer Strides Again" while the invading Udruans have a weird holy symbol that isn't a god anyone knows that is somehow related to the Conquerer. *looks at land of eternal darkness which now has a zombie apocalypse* Wait, what nationality was the Unifier

Gnome Princess: A Unifier is kind of a Conquerer

Me: true

Paladin NPC: She was Udruan

Me:....You people are racist and discriminate against the ethnic origin of your own fucking country?

Paladin NPC: We aren't Udruan

Me: Your founder was from Udrua

Paladin NPC: yes

Me: You fucking split off from them, but it is still fucked up to be racist against people who were from there and joined the country founded by one of them.

Paladin NPC: The Unifier and Saint are not related

Me: Either we are dealing with some kind of bloodline given that these are a bunch of spell casting women who keep sealing away great evils and seem to disappear or die afterwards, or Gnome might need to sacrifice herself to shore up some wards because apparently no one checks on these things.

Gnome Princess: I am down for that.

Half Elf Warlord: Maybe the paladins are the one behind the plague, apparently it is spread by sleeping in the same bed as someone who got sick

me: Did they check for fleas and bed-bugs

Half Elf Warlord: There aren't any

Me: Why would the paladins do it

Half Elf Warlord: To have the impure cleansed and allow them to use the terrified survivors as religious fanatics for their next crusade. It is something you would do

Me: No, I can't just kill off a large portion of the population for no reason. All of my gains would fall apart if I am found out. I would use a scapegoat with actual things that people are angry about to whip them up into a frenzy.

Half Elf Warlord: You worship Hextor, I kind of expect these things from you

Me: I care about laws

Half Elf Warlord: You killed dozens of cats

Me: Cats with no owners, it served a purpose, and I don't think there are animal abuse laws

Half Elf Warlord: True

 

[Megaolix]

And this is the kind of story that remind me you are as crazy as your players too.

 

[shadowdice]

And this is the kind of story that remind me you are as crazy as your players too.

Click to shrink...

yes

Other Players: Why are you killing a horde of cats?

Me: You previously explained that the spies worship cats. Therefore, this will draw them out.

GM: Well, yeah they would hate that

Me: and they are watching the city, so all I need to do is put these in a very public place

GM: Kind of...they'd be trying to kill you later

Warlord: Why don't you just kill people's cats?

Me: Because they are owned by someone and that would break the law. Besides, I don't enjoy this.

Warlord: Then why are you doing it?

Me: Because I believe it will work. *frames Udruans for the cat slaughter, spot them seething in rage, capture several and get information* See

Other Players: We are not letting this go

The other party members question as to whether I will become the big bad, and I keep reminding them the Lawful part of Lawful Evil and that delaying gratification has been a part of my character. I.E not trying to poison the other PCs relatives or antagonizing the 10th level wizard bartender.

Aside from that, I have accepted that there will be incredible insanity in any game involving us.

Ex: *have to go into the cabin of two possible night hags*

Warlord: *is hiding outside in the woods while watching it with NPC Fighter and Gnome Princess* We need to make a plan *lots of arguing on what to do, Gnome not remembering that attacking while invisible will make the spell drop*

Me: Okay, what are you trying to do

Warlord: We have to get in

Me: Huh, you have lock pick?

Warlord: yes

Me: So just use that

Warlord: We need to be careful and we don't know if they are in there

Me: Okay, *walks up to door* you can try that then

Warlord: What are you doing?

Me: I knock the door

GM: Nothing happens

Me: I keep knocking. "Ma'am, ma'am a crazy man who might be a werewolf is trying to turn the city against you."

GM: He's not a werewolf

Me: I have continuously failed Arcana checks this session, I believe he is a werewolf

Warlord: *stared horrified* You are going to die

Me: And you are not using the distraction to sneak in through a different manner. Anyways, does anyone come to the door?

GM: No

Me: "Ma'am ma'am are you all right? The Paladins believe the crazy man, has he sent anyone against you so far?"

GM: Why are you doing this?

Me; I cannot sense night hags, and I continuously failed the insight rolls against them.

GM: Oh...right

Me: Okay, I break down the door. Obviously something is wrong

GM: You break down the door

Me: Yes, with the adamantine bar mace. *destroys door and makes dex save while tanking over 20 damage*

Warlord: Oh fuck

Me: Okay, so. None of us can actually disarm spell traps, so this would have happened no matter what. Good thing it was me here

Warlord:...

Me: I search the first floor

GM: There is no one there

Me: Is the door to the basement locked?

GM: Yes

Me: I heal myself then break it down. *we find the sick men who have no idea what is going on and don't think anything is weird about the medicine women disappearing, then find notes about a cave the sick women are in."

Warlord: So why did you break down the door?

Me: Well, first I knocked so if someone might come or I'd hear people moving. I made a racket so they would hear me if I was downstairs, and when nothing continued to happen I broke it down while having the excuse of "A guy I think is a werewolf is trying to turn the town against you, I'm worried that they will try to kill you."

Warlord: He isn't a werewolf

Me: ...You have spent multiple sessions saying that the paladins are probably evil and working against us.

 

[Sho'vothar]

Has anyone seen this one? It's great

I LOL'ed.

 

[shadowdice]

Iris from Cyberpunk: I actually got pregnant and made deals with monsters because I want to watch the world burn.

Me:...This is why you guys will be the villains if I ever run a Sci-Fi game

edit and in DnD

Spoiler

We ended up in a cave where a night hag and floating entail vampire had ghoulified women and a captured medicine woman

Warlord: Why is the medicine woman still alive

Me: possibly as a trap, possibly as food. *uses reach weapon to cut the gag*

Warlord: This sounds like part of a kinky fetish

Me: Don't go there

Warlord: And she is probably evil

Me: Possibly, I roll to intimidate. "Why are you here?"

*said intimidate did not actually get her to reveal the truth*

Medicine Woman: Will you let me go

Warlord: No, we need to keep you with us


Me: *ties up medicine woman and flings her over my back* so, let's find the other people. Where are the others?

Medicine Women: She is having her sick ways with them somewhere else

Me: Did you have to make it sound like a sex thing?

GM: *repeatedly accidentally makes it sound like a sex thing*

Me and Warlord: Why the fuck can't you just say torture like a normal person?

Me: *find a half dozen women in the middle of being turned into ghouls* Have you seen the witch? Do you know where she is?

GM: They rasp "No."

Me: I smash up the back and rear entrances to make it so we will hear it if the ghouls try to get to them

Warlord: Well that is cold

*We find an altar with skulls on it*

Me: Do I see anything wrong with it?

GM: No and You guys notice that the shadows are moving and crawling


Me: I go and pick up a skull

Warlord: Just don't soliloquize

GM: Out of the shadows

Me: No, first I roll to soliloquize *25* I am soliloquizing about how this cavern full of skulls next to a paladin order's headquarters shows that the people of the kingdom are weak, and how I must take over the world and establish a strong order *Hextor Paladin of Conquest*

Warlord: Wow, you want to do that?

Me: I have openly stated my character's desire to do that in character in front of you

Warlord: Well, still. Why do you want to conquer the world, that is super evil

Me: To establish order, and every country tries to conquer the world at least once

Warlord: Yeah, those are countries though, and I mock them for that.

GM: And the Night Hag emerges from the shadows.

Night Hag: What a wonderful speech dearie, would you like to make a deal so that you could have such power?

Me: I am a Paladin of Hextor, I imagine he would not like me taking that deal.

Night Hag: No he wouldn't, and a Paladin of the Warfather, truly?

Me: Yes, I had murdered a bunch of priests of Mag-Lubiet in their church along with all of their followers so that one was out.

Night Hag: Oh, well thank you for helping me draw all of that blood earlier.

Me: No problem

Night Hag: we can still be friends. After all, there is only a one letter difference between fiend and friend

Me: *Flashbacks of the Lower Realms* I did not like being in the lower realms. it was not fun

GM: And the Night Hags are merchants that run the soul trade business

Me: Yes

GM: Yes

Night Hag: So

Me: Why are you making ghouls all the time then, I imagine that making night hags and throwing them at other cities would be far more entertaining

Night Hags: It is not my idea, I am under contractual obligation

Me: Really? That sounds horrible. *OOC: Warlord, why aren't you doing anything?*

Warlord: I want to see if you make a deal and how far you fall

Me: It isn't even falling at this point, and I have the basic common sense to not make an obviously bad deal in front of you and a Paladin

Warlord: eh

Me: Also, isn't your passive stealth like 18

Warlord: *checks* 22 that is fucking atrocious

GM: Yeah she cannot see you right now

Warlord: Uhuh

Me: I have been stalling for you

Warlord: I enjoy this train wreck

Night Hag: It is horrible

Me: To who, the Udruan Conquerer? *jingle jangle with melted holy symbols* I've met his guys and they are boorish

Night Hag: Not that mortal upstart, and really he is terrible

Me: I know, but how could someone as powerful as you be under someone else's thumb

Night Hag: My love has been captured

Me: As in the emotion or a person

Night Hag: A person my dearie

Me: and if I were to free this person would you leave these people alone?

Night Hag: Oh yes I would

Me: Could you tell me who has them and what it is

Night Hag: No

Me: That's unfortunate

Night Hag: yes it is

Me: What have you thought about a State enforced theocracy in which the body of the state itself is an object of worship? If people worship it enough, it will obtain divine power

Warlord: That is the worst form of government

Me: Lawful Evil Paladin, also you seriously are not going to do anything?

Warlord: No

Night Hag: *Turns to medicine woman* and about our deal

Warlord: Fucking called it

me: Oh what the fuck now

Medicine woman had a deal with the night hag to sell everyone out in exchange for her daughter

Me: You are a terrible person

medicine woman: No I am not

Me: *casts bless*

Night Hag: *more talking with the woman while people argue, about to cast a spell*

Me: And I throw the treasure chest we found earlier at her *deals near max damage but it is halved due to magic resistance*

We then fought the hag, a bunch of ghosts, and a vampiric monster that was using entrails tentacles on us

but fire and stabbing resulted in the hag teleporting out after casting a curse on the town as she got blown up and stabbed a bunch

Vampire; You left me behind

Me: I intimidate the vampire head thing. You have terrible choices in friends. So, please surrender or I kill you.

GM: Uh *nat 1 on wisdom* It is screaming no, no, NOOO!

Me: Do you surrender

Vampire Head: Yes

NPC Paladin: We need to kill it

Me: It just surrendered,

Paladin: If it stays alive then the townsfolk will be ghouled

Me: Maybe we can lift the curse on the vampire, then they will be fine

Warlord: Just calm down, we need to interrogate the talking head. Oh, and put it in the bag of holding

Vampire Head: if I do not connect to my body by sunrise, I will be naught but ashes

Me: So just tell me where your body is

Vampire Head: *bullied into suicidal despair where it tells us information in exchange for just being killed*

Me: Okay, *picks up mace* and now to kill the medicine woman

Paladin: What?

Me: She was going to sell out around a dozen peple

Medicine Woman: For my daughter

me: That doesn't exactly help, plus you are apparently friends with the paladin

Warlord: Really, you were going to sell out even your patients to the monsters. But you should wait, the paladin is probably the authority here

Me: You were talking about how she was evil and we should kill her earlier

Warlord: Yes, and? Besides, we need people alive so we can get paid

We go out and the town is besieged by more necromancers

Warlord: Let's just go to the paladin headquarters

 

[shadowdice]

My vampire game:

Spoiler: Magic saves the day, one party fire and another that wasn't them

Basket (Tremere): So what happened last session?

Me: The two of them thought they could sneak next to armed and armored guards who just shot Bruce's familiar. It failed

Guiseppi (Lasombra): Palladia (the Revenant) succeeded, she had like ten dice

Basket: You should be ashamed of yourselves, you are supposed to be predators

Bruce (Gangrel): I am *has a lot of dots in dex and stealth*

Guiseppi: Yeah, he just rolled poorly.

*lots of arguing as to what to do*

Guiseppi: We could either fight or run away

Bruce: Or talk

Guiseppi: Maybe

Me: Okay, initiative is d10+wits+dex

Bruce: *gets the most* I try to grapple one of the guards *rolls even with the guard*

Me: The two of you just push each other, now roll initiative. So, with Basket. You were asked by the owner of Caesar's Palace, the guy who taught you the Path of Corruption, to make a ball gown for his wife. You find that weird because you've never heard of him having a wife

Basket: Maybe it is his mistress and he just calls her that, some people do that

Me: So, he did not give you specifications

Basket: It will be like Cinderella, but not blue. So, we can go with red, or more like the classic and be silver

Owner: I do like both

Basket: I will go with silver

Me: You are led into a large hall where you can see a lot of materials for you to use, there is also a massive and ancient painting in a roman style where you see 4 people in it. A Greek man, a greek woman both in traditional clothing, an albino woman, and the owner, wearing the same mask but with different clothes. They seem to be in some kind of North African city

Bruce: Greek like Byzantium?

Me: Ancient Greek.

Basket: *over 5 successes on dress* It is amazing that you have such a well maintained painnting

Owner: Magic makes it easy

Basket: Even then, so...is it rude to ask what Generation a vampire is.

Owner: Yes, and who said I was a vampire. Now, as for my age, well I was running around in the time period that the ancient greeks thought was ancient.

Basket: who are the people in there?

Owner: Well myself, my wife, and my friends Menele and Helena, you may have heard of them. This was from back when we lived in Carthage.

Basket: Carthage

Owner: Yes, see I met Menele and we became good friends so he brought me home to meet his father, but then his father got a new boyfriend Moloch. We met Helena and they were great, but then things got weird as Troile's boyfriend started suggesting things like sewing each other's skin together while having sex and including maggots in it. Menele insisted it was just a sex thing, and that everything would be fine as we went around on diplomatic missions

Basket: That seems kind of extreme

Owner: That was what I kept telling him, and then Moloch convinced Troile that they should be having orgies in vats of the bodies of their enemies, and Menele insisted that it was just extreme fetishes but then they started summoning demons and all that

Basket: Which was when the Ventrue burned everything

Owner: Well yes, also others. The Baali sacrificed my wife so I blacked out and started doing things like make fire rain down because vampire and open up hell-pits since they loved demons so much. Helena opened up the gates for the Ventrue and everyone died, Menele and I sailed away but he blamed it mostly on Helena. bad breakup and all that.

Basket: Well, that was extreme

Owner: Extreme was her Genociding the native Americans who used to live in Chicago because Menele was friends with him, and she couldn't let him have nice things after he destroyed Pompei

Basket: Why is Genocide your go to?

Me: Because this universe keeps throwing it into everything's backstory

*Basket asks to be taught more on the path of corruption, gets 3xp*

Basket: *looks at path* I wonder how useful this will be

Owner: You are not losing your entire soul or getting nasty side effects most forms of Dark Thaumaturgy has

Basket: Oh right, hmm I wonder what my allies are doing

Owner: Well, they had gone off to an office building to find evidence against Juggler. And now I think they are about to get shot

Basket: What?

Owner: Yes

Basket: Why do they keep getting into these situations

Owner: I have no idea, *puts the dress on a mannequin which then becomes a woman, starts dancing*

Basket: I will leave you to it, I will send you my receipt

Owner: I taught you magic just now

Basket: Oh right, force of habit.

*back with the combat*

Guiseppi: I will use obtenebration to make tentacles *gently hits with first tentacle and misses on the other* Damn it

Me: Roll alertness+perception

Guiseppi: Just perception then *2 successes*

Me: You notice that there is a security camera. It might not see you properly but it sees the tentacles

Guiseppi: Crap

Me: So, Claudette will try to punch one of the guards *lots of ones* and use celerity to strike again *over 7 damage with lvl 3 potence* I think that is Lethal since we imported some of V5

Guiseppi: So aggravate

Me: Yeah, he is a mess on the ground. Then she is going to go around destroying cameras. So, Palladia

Guiseppi: She will shoot?

Me: Is it targeted?

Guiseppi: yes

Me: DC 6 given her heightened senses

Palladia: *instant kill with over 7 successes on a headshot with a rifle*

Me: So, he is gone.

Group: *arguing on what to do*

Me: So, what is Basket doinng

Basket; Driving over

Me: So you are finally driving

Basket: No, I have someone drive for me

Me: I assume one of the staff does it and drops you off a bit aways. So what are the rest of you doing

Bruce: We should run away

Guiseppi: Yes

*They forgot why they had gone to the building in the first place*

Me: You remember that the building now has a recording somewhere of you summoning tentacles, and that there is probably a security guard staring at the screen which showed all of this happening

Guiseppi: Oh right, what is on the door?

Me: An electronic lock

Guiseppi: A keycard?

Me: Number lock

Bruce: Is there a note in one of their pockets which has the passcode

Guiseppi: This isn't survival horror

me: What are you guys doing with the living guy and the dead one

Bruce: We tie him up with his own pants

Guiseppi: we have rope

Me: None of you have dominate, imagine if you were pulled over with a massive amount of rope in there. So, Bruce is violently undressing the man as he screams in terror

Bruce: And we can gag him with his sock

Me: Okay

Guiseppi: Could I have duct tape

Me: Yes

Guiseppi: I also use duct tape.

Me: Also, Bruce, do you want to use eat part of the corpse

Bruce; Why?

Me: Because you are at less than half blood

Bruce: Sure, the blood is probably hot

Me: Okay, are you trying to eat the corpse?

Bruce: Ew

Me: You are on the path of the feral heart and have done weird shit, I don't know what you are into

bruce; Well, it isn't as if I can get rid of the body

Me: You can do a lot, you are a vampire

Bruce: Then I unhinge my jaw like a snake

Me: Apparently you grip your jaw and pull down ridiculously hard to unhinge it

Bruce: I didn't mean that

Me: You can't just casually shapeshift, you don't have that kind of power. I

Bruce: But I can eat part of the body

Me: Yeah, it makes it so you have to hide less. Is this where we learn Bruce eats organs

Bruce: Yes. I imagine it takes a bit

Me: Basket, do you call them

Basket: Bruce doesn't probably have a phone and I don't know Guiseppi's.

Me: Claudette?

Basket: I call her

Claudette: Oui

Basket: I heard you guys were getting shot at

Claudette: The other two tried to sneak past guards, it failed. We had to kill them all

Basket: You should control them better

Claudette: I sit back and watch before helping them, it gives me less responsibility

Me: Okay, is anyone dealing with the door

Guiseppi: *no larceny* not sure how

Me: You could just break it down, like palladia *5 strength and 4 athletics on top of potence 1* yeah Palladia can just put her hand on it and tear it out before fucking it up to look like it was hit by power tools

Guiseppi: We do that *over 7 successes*

Me: So, Basket. You arrive to see Bruce sitting on a corpse, eating everything in its chest cavity while Guiseppi and his ghouls destroy a door, Claudette is standing in the back with Michael

Basket: You really should control them

Claudette: That is not my job.

They entered a kitchen, I made it clear that they had the supplies necessary to start a fire after having Basket roll science *the only one of the PCs with the skill*

Guiseppi: Do you want to roll Rotschreck

Basket: As we leave

They entered the main lobby after picking up the guard's guns, dragging the gagged guard behind them, found the security desk, and checked the room behind it for servers

Guiseppi's former Human Trafficker ghoul took 3 lethal and 4 bashing to the chest as the guy behind the door had a shotgun

Basket: Just kill him

Guiseppi: Trying to argue with the guard

Bruce: Who is your boss

Guard: You know who he is

Me: Do you want to roll man+subterfuge

Bruce; It's Just manipulation

Basket: Why do you have 4 in manipulate

Me: Animalism

Bruce: 4 vs 2 for roll. We just want to be sure you know who it is

Guard: The biker guy, who the fuck else. Anyways, I called him and the cops so scram

Basket; Let's set this place on fire

Guiseppi: Palladia, kill *has Palladia fire with the stolen Machine pistol and kill the guy*

The group then realized that no one in the party had a dot in computers.

Basket: Ghoul do you know how to use computers

Palladia: I was raised in the sabbat

Basket: Well I am 70, I was born in the 20s, I have no idea how to use a computer. *botches computer* I am such a boomer and am punching the thing

Guiseppi: Maybe I can use it *5 int, only one success*

Me: You realize that the computer requires a password

Guiseppi: Fuck, we are all boomers.

Me: *looking at all of the sheets* The closest you guys have to a tech person is if Michael uses Necromancy to have a ghost possess it *checks sheet* oh he is Bone path, so he would need to have a zombie come and do it

Guiseppi: Like the new corpse

Me: Yes

so they end up using necromancy to have the technician they killed use the computer that had video recording of the Lasombra summoning tentacles to kill the guards outside an office, erasing that video and giving them the hard-drive

Me: This group has a collection of like 9 dots in occult with just the PCs (Even more with NPCs), and so much intelligence, but no one has Auspex or Computers, and the only one with Technology is the Gangrel

Basket (Tremere): Yes, but, we can apparently have the malkavian use necromancy to have a zombie programmer hack things for us. Or later use a ghost to possess a computer to erase things

Me: Yes.

Basket: *botches attempt to use flour and gas to create an explosion* anyways we should leave the other guy here to burn to death

Me: You are humanity 5, so roll on degeneration

basket; Success

Me: He is a gangster, he deserves it.

Basket: See

Guiseppi: *1 on the roll to make a bomb* Not sure how to do this

Me: Michael *2 successes* just turns on the gas and blows them out.

Guiseppi: I will walk out and throw a lighter

Me; That is evidennce

Basket; Why would you have a lighter, just shoot back in there

Guiseppi: Fine

Me: As the building explodes and catches fire, you hear sirens approaching. *looks at the group of over 6 people* And *rolls* a big truck shows up with a dark skinned redheaded woman inside

Zula: Dr. Banks sent me

Basket: Oh yes him

Me: If you guys try to pile in one car, at least one person is sitting in another's lap or across seats

Basket; I do not want to smell a Gangrel *puts Bruce and the Human Trafficker Ghoul Dax into the truck*

Me: Dax looks around, rubs his wounds, and says. "They put all of the darkest skinned people in one car, I think we're all gonna die."

Bruce: *looks at characters* oh, he's right

Me: and you are driving

Basket: So, what clan are you

Guiseppi: the tentacles and darkness didn't clue you in?

Basket: You can learn things from outside of your clan

Claudette: *shows off protean claws* Like this

Guiseppi: Lasombra, I...well yes.

Basket: and your ghouls

Guiseppi: I took her with me after escaping a place I didn't like

Basket: Oh, you are a shovelhead

Guiseppi: yes, it was unpleasant, and my sire was crazy

Me: Everyone roll alterness

*everyone but Basket succeed*

Me: There is a car following you.

Guiseppi: I guess we need to evade

Me: None of you have drive *looks through everything* Michael has drive

Guiseppi (Lasombra): He has drive?

Me: Apparently, at least my modified sheet does. *Cue Michael climbing over Palladia and Tokyo Drifting through Hammond while the other NPC throws a smoke bomb at a moving car while the groups communicate after tossing a cell phone into the other car*

Me: Where do you guys go

Basket: A five star hotel

Me: The only one there is the casino *looks up Hammond hotels* everything else is motels and holiday inns

Basket: Holiday inn. I enter, pay for a room for myself, everyone else can sleep together

Guiseppi: Palladia and I have plenty of resources, everyone can have a room

Basket: Why

Guiseppi: It is proper

Me: Two of them are ghouls

Guiseppi: One is a woman

Basket; she drinks your blood, that is sex for vampires

Me: She is also blood bonded unless you were careful to not give her blood more than twice a month

Guiseppi: I guess that ship sailed

Basket: So yeah, blood bond

Me: and yandere obsessive behavior even if it isn't romantic

Basket: and we can have Bruce on the roof as lookout

Me: Okay, Zula brings in a computer from her truck. She starts going through the files, it is all security footage.

Me: Bruce, wall perception alertness

Bruce: *more successes than oppossed*

Me: You see the man who was driving the car that was chasing you previously in the parking lot, staring at you.

Bruce: That isn't good

Guiseppi: I roll *fail* Palladia is on watch

Me: Please tell me that before it is pertinent next time

Palladia: *doesn't get more than the stealth*

Me: She doesn't see him

Basket: I am the only one enjoying my night: So what can we do with the video

Guiseppi: It is useless since daylight is coming

basket; I can ward against sunlight

Me: I will say that you guys can use willpower to stay awake and look through the footage

Later they went through the videos taken from the hard-drive, and succeeded an occult check to recognize a Fashionista Serpent of Light working with Juggler.

Basket: *5 successes at difficulty 8*. So we need to kill her

Me: You remember that Serpents of Light have a path of Thaumaturgy that allow them to use different disciplines and such without using blood

Basket: We need to capture her so I can have such wonderful things, I am getting her, dragging her home to the Chantry, and benefitting from all of her knowledge

Me: You then see her holding a cat and tormenting it while her ghouls drag out a missing member of the neighboring Tremere chantry

Basket: Okay, well we know she is working with Juggler, she might be mind controlling him. Wait, we need a blank tape to copy this too. Ghoul *to Zula* you go

Zula: I am a vampire

Basket: Palladia, you go

Me: So everyone needs to run into the closet to avoid the light since the moment you open the door daylight will stream in

Basket; right *waits for Palladia to return* so who is the Prince

Zula: *laughs* this is Hammond, aside from Juggler when he shows up there is Banks, a half vampire thin blood, that one lady, the scary lady, me, and the two Cacophany people. Everyone's an anarch, so it is basically just two Barons here since Juggler has control of one of the bigger companies. I thought you guys were brought here by Banks so he could claim praxis

Basket; We are visiting. So, we can just sell this info to the highest bidder

Me: You are blood bonded to clan tremere

Basket: Oh fuck, you are right. I forgot that. *runs into the closet away from the Coterie and calls Nicolai* Nicolai, we have a problem. A Setite is controlling Juggler and kidnapped a member of the clan.

Nicolai:...I will send Ublo-Satha when night falls *7th Gen Gargoyle*

Me: *Shows stat sheet for Ublo-Satha*

Basket: Oh fuck *exits closet* I sold the information. We should be fine.

Me: The next morning, you smell smoke

Basket; I run out

Everyone does the same

Me: You don't seem to see anyone inside the building

*Bruce succeed's alterness*

Me: You see the building catching fire, and Bruce momentarily stops by the front desk and picks up a business card which says Agent WIliam Shephard, FBI

Guiseppi: That is familiar

Me: Yes, Sullivan Dane had it

Guiseppi: Oh fuck, didn't that ghoul policeman from Chicago say that they might be investigating

Me: He said that Juggler had moved Evylyn across state lines to introduce her, which is kidnapping, and that he embraced her in Chicago which the policeman saw, and she has been reported missing. Juggler has been seen around Chicago and likely caused a scene, and this man saw you running away from a building Juggler has been to more than a few times

Guiseppi: So this could be a lot of things

Me: As you exit with your stuff, you see that your car tires have been slashed

Basket: I use conjuring to make new tires, what would replacing them be?

Me: I guess tech+dex

Guiseppi: Palladia has that

Palladia: *all successes*

Basket: You never said you worked at NASCAR

Palladia: In the sabbat there is a game where they drive cars while having people on the hoods, then they make it so their packmates fly off and land on a different car that they destroy

Basket:...Oh, well we pile into the truck and drive away from the burning building,

Me: later everyone roll awareness

Bruce rolls the highest

Me:, a puma shows up on the hood. No one else can see it, it stares at you bruce and says. "Kill everything associated with the Worm"

Bruce: What?

Puma: Kill the snake

Bruce: Who are you

Me: are you saying this out loud?

Bruce: yes

Me: *checks everyone's sheets, only the Malk has auspex* Well, everyone can see Bruce talking to thin air

Basket; Well this is, not actually a Gangrel thing, what is happeninng

Bruce: There is a puma, it is talking to me, but that part isn't the new one

Me: It looks at you angrilly

Puma: Kill the snake and everything associated with the Wyrm

Bruce: Wyrm with a y

Me: Do you say that out loud?

Bruce: yes

Me: Everyone roll int+occult *the other PCs get high enough* He is talking about werewolf spirit cosmology

Basket: Is there an invisible were-creature, they hate the wyrm. And us, and think we are associated with the wyrm

Me: you think it would be trying to kill you by now if it was

Basket: I'm not sure what it is

Michael: Hello spider-puma

Basket: Wait what?

Me: This is a weaver spirit

Guiseppi: Weaver?

Basket: There are like 4 gods the Werewolves talk about, the weaver is weird and is associated with humanity

Me: and machines, you had 7 successes so you know the werewolves associate you with primarily the wyrm but also the weaver at times.

Basket: Uhuh

Puma: Kill the snake, worshippers of the wym, corruption

Bruce; I don't get it

Me: the Setites are associated with snakes, called that, worship stuff involving giant ass snake monsters, and are tagged with moral degradation, NTR, and corruption

Bruce: Ew

Me: Yes, and the Puma is staring at you

Basket: I get out my phone, I think we should call someone else to help since we really don't have anything to help with this

Bruce: Well I can't

Me: why don't you use your mentor

Bruce: I wouldn't know his phone number

Me: yes you would

Bruce; I live in the woods

Me: and have regular contact with him, also, it is a park not the woods.

*lots of bad rolls with mentors*

Lucian: A weaver spirit wouldn't look like a puma, it is probably Gaian or Wyld *has occult 5 but only got one success*

Modius: *2 successes* Guiseppi, run, do not walk, away from this. I will send a ghost to shunt you through the netherworld and reappear elsewhere, run, run now.

Basket; I will have us stop the car and walk out

Me: It follows

Basket. I will call the Owner

Me: *realizes they really don't have a way to deal with this* The Owner comes out of your phone

Basket: Well that is weird.

Me: He looks at it "Oh, a Hunter Killer drone" and starts dragging it away while talking to it

Basket: Thank you. I guess we look for somewhere else to go and rest for a bit since everything keeps getting set on fire, though I guess the Holiday Inn was to be expected given the hunter

*Everyone gets XP, basket is close to having enough to max thaumaturgy*

Me: *looks through sheets at the end of the session and realizes that 5th level Conjuration costs 10 blood points to use, and that she is 13th Gen* Oh So yeah, you would be exsanguinated and need a fire hydrant of blood to fill up and not die

Basket: Or be feeding on someone

Me: I guess, a human has like 4 blood points, so you would be able to just barely do that and would probably kill them. but have a penalty due to needing to keep grappling. Since you had so many successes, I will let you know that the Serpent is 10th Gen. So you could get like...13 blood points if you Diablerize her (basket has 10 willpower) but you'd have her in your head

Basket: Well I'd have someone to talk to, and interrogate on magic

Guiseppi (Lasombra): So you are a yandere

Me: For magic. And this sounds like so many euphemisms since Basket first wanted to torture this woman and keep her locked up in her house, and now wants to physically and mystically consume her and make her part of herself, while trapping her soul inside of her. The other option is to be draining Bruce

Basket; yeah, just have me on a piggyback ride

Bruce; That sounds like another euphemism