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Phobos VII [Complete]

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by HypoSoc, Nov 3, 2019.

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  1. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Despite the The Thing vibes from Von Graft I don't think they're wrong that he wouldn't bother abusing his Aeromancy to root them out, if not for the right reasons. He seemed to very much dislike being "forced" to graft Katriane after all, and already seems bored of the whole situation.

    Makes me wonder how this all ends. I doubt they'll actually succeed in bringing him down. That just seems pure fantasy, as even if they somehow revealed the truth to people and got them to accept it, what's stopping him from just wiping the slate clean?

    But hey, despite the vanishingly low odds that Stas ends up punching out Cthulhu, I could see him maybe finding employment with Kroll in the end. That would be amusing.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2021
  2. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Well, I am increasingly optimistic that I am going to finish this year. But you also have the option of reading the prologue/epilogue if you want a peek.
     
  3. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Interesting. So Stas dons the mask, Von Graft gets yeeted somewhere(though likely to return), the gate between Gaia and here is destroyed and Stas ends up returning to Gaia, the mask slowly turning him into the monster we see in the Polyhistor interlude.

    Definitely a bittersweet ending, but it fits.
     
  4. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Ah, no. The interlude is depicts Phobos V and VI. The Phobos from this story is the little kid in the interview. Stas is Phobos VII.

    Stas returns to Gaia and joins up with Kroll (sort of), because the Mad Monk IS Kroll('s dimensional duplicate).
     
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  5. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Aha, so I was both right and wrong about him joining up with Kroll in the end. Ngl, the continuity is well-crafted, makes me want to start putting my own original ideas to "paper" instead of fanfiction, fanfiction and more fanfiction.

    Did you already have the idea for this when you'd written up that interlude?
     
  6. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Yes, actually.

    I came up with a general plot outline for this story almost a decade ago. Some things have changed (Stas was originally supposed to have a psedo familial relationship with Phobos's "civilian identity" and gladiator politics were a bigger thing in the original conception, for example), but the ending, Kroll coordinating with his dimensional counterpart to influence the city, and the soul crafted revolution group being incapable of losing OR winning were there from the start.

    I've got documents I've transferred across multiple computer with plot notes for this story, and that ending is a big part of it.


    As for writing OC vs fanfiction, I find it gratifying, but more daunting. Also it is far, far less popular with readership.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2021
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  7. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Yeah, tried writing an original quest before and the audience wasn't anywhere near the same as with big fandoms. It's a shame but I'm still determined to publish something one day, maybe a complete series if it kicks off.

    Really, I just hafta stop procrastinating, sit down and write. Worldbuilding can be a very circular process with no end in sight if you let it like I have.
     
  8. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Amen. That's why I made this my NaNoWriMo goal.
     
  9. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Bit of an info dump chapter, but a bit of an important one. Only two chapters left.

    This is almost certainly getting finished this month.
     
  10. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Interesting. So Von Graft was originally a woman? Or just another body stolen/taken over. Though I suppose male and female mean little to the body horror schtick Von Graft's got going on. And Feddlebrine. Have you ever used that name in an interlude? Feels like I've heard it before...

    The more I get into this, the more I'm starting to miss Polyhistor too. Different protags and all, but the tone is very much familiar. I'm a sucker for the magic too.
     
  11. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Von Graft was born a woman and identified as female at the time. Now they identify as male if they bother to identify as anything at all. As you said, the boddy horror schtick makes it irrelevant to them.

    https://forum.questionablequesting....tting-survival-quest.614/page-251#post-467592

    It is the same Feddlebrine in a divergent timeline. The memory happened before the point of divergence.

    Von Graft is Charlotte.
     
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  12. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Oho. That's the one. I knew I was feeling Charlemagne vibes from how she described hubby. Von Graft originally being a stalker/yandere so very fits too, and neatly explains the obsession with Charlemagne.

    Curious how both Feddlebrine and Charlie think the other lost to them too. This dead world being so similar to Gaia would be neatly explained by timeywimey shenanigans born from whatever happened between Von Graft and Charlemagne, I suppose.
     
  13. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Neither of them have happy lives in either world, though DeadWorld!Fed did actually marry DW!Charlemagne. The accident that got Fed lost in the multiverse was butterflied away.

    The divergence point is that in PolyWorld, Von Graft survived the Gaia Cult and Charlemagne defeated Gaia sexually.

    In DeadWorld, Von Graft was killed by the Gaia Cult, and that led to Charlemagne killing Gaia. He was horrified after realizing what happened (literally brought the world to the apocalypse, with the few survivors doomed to die out eventually as the universe can no longer sustain life), became a depressed wreck, living alone with Fed. When PW!Von Graft discovered Dead World, DW!Charlemagne was so remorseful he let VG kill him, which, as you saw, royally pissed off Fed because he literally abandoned her via suicide in her view.

    I might write an extra in a few days if I have words remaining to go into the details of the divergence.
     
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  14. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Oh damn. Did Charlemagne even know he could kill Gaia? You mentioned beating Gaia being possible, not killing, but I guess you never really know until you try.

    Did Von Graft end up grafting DW!Charlemagne? Cause now I'm thinking that mighta been the point of transition from Charlotte the woman to Von Graft the monster. Though Feddlebrine saying "the parasite" makes me think the transition mighta already happened by that point.
     
  15. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Charlemagne didn't know if it was possible, but he was trying it at the time. He did know that he could destroy objects by killing avatars he created with his Aeromancy, so he had reason to believe it could happen for real.

    As for whether it actually is possible... that's debatable. Gaia did die, but death is a concept within Gaia, not beyond Gaia. As is time, and cause and effect. Metaphorically, a part of Gaia's "body" of universes is necrotic. Anything within that section of the multiverse is fucked up. But outside that section things are fine.

    Yes. That explicitly happened.

    It had been a hundred or so years between the divergence point and VG discovering DeadWorld. VG was a mess before that, but finding an alternate version of Charlemagne who was apologetic and remorseful and killing him did not do them any favors, mentally speaking.
     
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  16. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Ah, right, Gaia is also the multiverse, not only individual universes. Not hard to see how killing an entire section of existence and dooming who knows how many people to a slow death would give even a selfish bastard like Charlemagne the mother of all depressions/existential crises.

    What's his Aeromancy anyway? Avatar? Icon?
     
  17. Artful Lounger

    Artful Lounger Well worn.

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  18. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Was wondering if it was indeed that simple. A product of his Aeromancy might be avatars but the Aeromancy itself might be something like Icon or Image or Model or Form or even Body. Guessing HypoSoc already weighed in on it somewhere.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2021
  19. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Aeromancy concepts are more like working knowledge than anything else. It is extremely hard to objectively figure out what they are.

    Charlemagne knows his concept is Avatar and treats it as such. But he could have easily "known" it to be Anthropomorphism, or Embodiment instead.
     
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  20. Artful Lounger

    Artful Lounger Well worn.

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    HypoSoc confirmed it was Avatar years ago. Don't remember exactly where.
     
  21. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Just one chapter left, then the prologue/epilogue I already wrote.

    It's a strange feeling to see this coming to a close after all this time.
     
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  22. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Hell of a showdown. I suppose even a Body of 10 would be of little use in a place with no traction, no space, not much of anything. Unless Von Graft's been doing more than big fish in a small pond act these past centuries, not seeing how he/she/it/whatever's getting out of that.

    Stas' Aeromancy also provides for a cool shift in perspective. Curious if he overloaded on Heat a little there, went a little too deep.

    I mighta only caught up towards the end, but it's been a fun ride for how short it was.

    Anything on your mind for whatcha wanna do next? I remember Kroll Academy was only a prologue of sorts to a VN, but even just that got me a little invested in Jack and Cal. I suppose it would be a massive undertaking trying to encapsulate the entire Polyhistor experience in a visual novel, all four years of it. Unless all paths led to predetermined death at some point. That might simplify things some.
     
  23. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Glad you liked it. I always feel like my fighting scenes (and sex scenes) are very weak.

    Consider this WoG that Von Graft is getting out of that. Body 10 allows them to survive in the hostile universe, and their knowledge of magic is enough to figure something out eventually.

    Finding one's way back to their home universe is possible, but Von Graft's issue is that Dead World is NOT their home universe. They can get the Polyworld, but because they broke the Gate, they no longer have a way to get back to the city, nor a way to find Dead World in order to make a new Gate.

    Stas definitely fried himself with that stunt.

    Next I am going to edit this down into a decent novel and try to publish.

    After that, I am undecided. I do plan on getting back to Kroll Academy, which might be my next project. Or I could do Charelmagne stuff or Phobos I. I am unsure, and it likely depends on how well editing/publishing goes.

    I am up for taking input on this. For clarity, projects are separate from my quest writing. They don't impact my quest writing frequency, positively or negatively.

    I've been sitting on the outline for Kroll Academy for years now. But the VN only covers the first year, and with many planned time skips.

    I have very vague plans of writing sequels, but they would likely choose and follow a single path ending only.
     
  24. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Maybe I bought into Stas' obserations too much. If there's no way to interact with or find purchase in your environs, a Body of 10 may as well be a Body of 1 or 0. But of course Stas wouldn't know about all of the Aeromancy Von Graft's consumed/grafted over the many years, or Geomancy for that matter. Of course when Von Graft finds their way out of whatever hole Stas stuck them in... well, Polyworld is very much not a small pond. Not even Kroll or Charlemagne but Black(who Von Graft might not even be aware of given that Black is a relative newcomer). Almost inevitable that the two would butt heads given Von Graft's tendencies.

    And you just know Kroll is going to have his hands all over any such confrontation. The ensuing clusterfuck might even rouse Charlemagne.

    While you've written too little of the latter for me to really weigh in on(though I will say that the Camila stuff is very, very good at provoking visceral reaction), I've generally enjoyed the fight scenes. Graham going Modern Major-General on Gargoyle is still a scene I remember fondly, and the recent throwdown with Bird Club though leading to a Game Over on Mikelle's part was really rather well written. Isn't much I really remember negatively except maybe the Wolfboy bits, but those can probably be chalked down to Wolfoy himself(not even that he didn't pose a challenge, Mikelle's dressing down of Muhammad was a treat to read), and Darcy. Both for similar reasons, I suppose, in that their magic is very uninspired compared to say Lucia or Camila or Leroy/LeRoy.

    Can't say it doesn't make sense though, everyone can't excel if and Wolfey unsurprisingly never made it past Y1, while Darcy's success can be put down more or less entirely to outside help. But I forgive her since it lead us to Kurt and his much more interesting magic, despite how frustrating it is to be matched up against it as a plucky second year.

    Phobos I would be retreading a lot of the same ground I figure, which has upsides and downsides, and Charlie stuff could certainly be fun(in the same way One Punch Man can still make for a compelling story despite how blatantly overpowered he is).

    Kroll Academy left off on a fun point, IIRC, with the whole fake it 'til you make it thang almost immediately backfiring on him(unsurprisingly). The whole Intranet thread after with peeps shitting on "Mister Shitty Rainbowman" was hilarious. I definitely wouldn't be against reading more of that, different routes and choices taken maybe, or maybe Y2/Y3/Y4 stuff that might help you start to solidify Jack's journey as a whole(important considering it's a visual novel and not a quest that's up in the air, even if you'll be splitting it up into separate years as mentioned).
     
  25. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Phobos I would be a villain protagonist story. It actually predates Charlemagne chronologically.

    Charlemagne's story wouldn't be like OPM. He was always powerful but he grew into overwhelming power.

    I am leaning towards Kroll Academy, but it became a lot more daunting when I realized that the actual writing for a VN is very different from writing for a quest, a book, or even a CYOA novel.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2021
  26. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Yeah, it's mostly dialogue or narrative that you have to present in small bits(can only fit so much in the box). But combined with good art, it makes for a great visual spectacle. VNs have even become greatly popular in the west for that reason(only need to look at all the Ren'Py games).

    Which means it'd also predate Von Graft. Interesting. Could it be as far back as having the OG Hydromancy Division still around? It would be interesting to see, since you mentioned it being like a Fae Court of sorts, IIRC. Before they went all apocalyptic cult.
     
  27. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    Yeah. I had thought going for a NVL style instead of ADV style would make it more like traditional writing, which is true, but it is still a massive break from what I am used to. Formatting is not something I have experience in, and it is a big, big part of the reader experience.

    Ideally for me, I'd be able to hire someone else to translate my prose into a VN, but I am thinking that is not so feasible.

    OG Hydromancy Division was eradicated for being caught supporting Phobos II. So, yes, it was still around and active in Charlemagne's adventuring days and in Phobos I times.

    Timeline is generally:

    League Founded -> Phobos I -> Charlemagne's Bizzare Adventures -> Phobos II/End of Hydromancy Division -> Charlemagne's Crusades -> Phobos IV -> Kroll's Ascendence -> Black's Arrival/New Aeromancy Division -> Phobos VII/Poly

    Fae Court is not inaccurate, but it was more like a Dionysian Cult on the surface that acted like a Summer Fae Court underneath, with some Slaaneshi Cult tendencies/motivations that they kept very deeply hidden. In a way they were ALWAYS "all apocalyptic cult" (not from the very start, but the Slaaneshi influences took over very quickly). They were just extremely good at keeping it secret.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2021
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  28. Raron

    Raron Experienced.

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    Question, wasn't Phobos IV reign about a army of Thrice Cursed? I know he got defeated by the League, and spawn rate of Thrice Cursed got toned down since then, but I was not aware that Kroll had active part in it. It was mentioned that as being a long time ago, and Cult of Gaia even longer before that.

    Also, what did Phobos III do?
     
  29. HypoSoc

    HypoSoc The mind is such a fragile plaything.

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    It was an Army of Thrice Cursed, yes. Kroll was not really involved in it, no.

    Honestly, the exact when of Phobos IV is not something I've perfectly settled on. I'm currently waffling if it predates Kroll or happened during young Kroll (60s/70s).

    Actually, thank you for bringing it up. There isn't much need for Phobos IV to take place in the 60s/70s, even though Phobos V was definitely in the 70s/80s. I'll edit the post.

    Gentleman Thief. Think Arsene Lupin, except in a different era. One of the first items Phobos III stole was the mask, which had been made into a trophy.
     
  30. Paradosi

    Paradosi UDW

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    Young Kroll or "Kroll's Ascendance" on the timeline could also make for an interesting story now that I think about it, HypoSoc. Before having established himself as one of the big kahunas. An in-depth look or perspective on Hydromancy and the politics of the League after the destruction of the OG Hydromancy division could definitely make for fun reading. Maybe a look at what Polyhistor used to be and a younger Koslov too.

    But Phobos I does sound a great deal more interesting now that you've explained it too.

    You could take it as a challenge/incentive to get the hang of something different? If it doesn't work out you could always go the CYOA route, I figure, translating the prose it into a CYOA being a simpler affair than a VN.

    I also don't think it's infeasible given the popularity of VNs these days. Should be plenty peeps with both the knowledge and experience of how they work, even if the trick would be getting in contact in contact with one and getting them interested beyond payment.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2021
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