Dylan and his classmates, upon graduation from Miskatonic High, find themselves in a land of broken kingdoms, strange magics, and overrun with deadly threats. They must band together to survive, or be devoured separately.
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| User | Total |
|---|---|
| Leecifer | 4 |
Do you plan to post this on royal road? The SFW forum gets a fifth of the traction, at best, as NSFW, so you're not likely going to get many eyes here.
Though from what I here of RR, it's its own type of rat race that I don't think monthly updates are gonna help with, but you will probably get more readers over there.
As for feedback, I can tell your putting a lot of quality in this, lots of subtle details and foreshadowing. My only concern is the character bloat, and I just hope we get enough attention put on relevant characters.
That was a pretty big gripe I had with abbadon borne, as there was a lot of what felt like wasted time building up characters that ended up being irrelevant, like mouse protector and squealer.
Well that was a quick turn around. Good job on telling me enough about these characters to find points of dislike about them already! It will make the coming trials and character development all the more satisfying, and make me feel all the worse for those already endearing themselves to me."Magic isn't real," Kristen scoffed.
The black boy blinked, then gestured to the glowing crystal in the center of their gear, then where the circle of gym floor seemed merged with the ground, then at Sam.
"Holy shit magic's real," Kristen declared.
Ah, the hunger games. Unfortunately this is not a pure dystopia. There are other trials at hand than simple 'Lord of the flies'-isim."I've seen The Starving Trials! I know how this works!" Scott declared. "Thirteen of us! Weapons in the middle! We're gonna be forced to fight to survive! Well, well you won't get me!"
Pale Lights had a similar situation early in it's first book, with a lot of characters to introduce that weren't destined to be around too long. Chapters 3-5 especially read a lot like the first act of a murder mystery with the number of expendables we learn of. This story seems to be starting in a similar place, but as it stands its difficult to keep track of who's who. I expect this to not be an issue later on, but right now it's a lot of names with few details to hang them on. Learning a bit more about the characters now will make their no-doubt comically horrific ends be that much more meaningful!As for character bloat, well, we're already down one, and characters will get developed, though this is planned book 1 of a series, not a standalone novel. There is a decent sized cast, but there's a definite main character, and unlike AB I have a much firmer plan for where things are going.
Yeah, I've had to go 'fuck it' and slot it into my rotation, because otherwise this thing isn't getting written until 2028, at the earliest.Leecifer posted the first three chapters last year on the great P, and just posted another three in January. He explained that he hoped to get it published, and to mostly work on it when his commission workload has hit zero. This is why someone who writes as much as Leecifer has managed six chapters of this over two years as we, his fans, bury him deep in money and work so he hardly has time to sleep.
Here I was happy that Kyle was dead and you have to go and revive him next chapter. Bitch punk ass jackass needs to fucking stay dead and not bother us any more.Glancing around, Kyle was also sitting up, a shaky hand going to his now unbroken neck,
Shut the fuck up Kyle. Really, go back to being dead please.
Seriously, shut the fuck up Kyle. You're ruining the whole story for me with your bitch ass. You're not even in the "love to hate" than category, you're just in the "hate them" one. I hope you manage to get yourself permanently killed sooner rather than later.Kyle frowned, jaw tight, "And, and if we don't want to go with you?"
Now now Dylan, don't be speciesist.most human, but he could spot a lot that weren't, in a way that made him want to grab his weapon,
Pants are civilization as some people like to say.
No class blocks on [Trackrunner] this time?
Or [Roadwarden] for that matter. I'm guessing it's this person's class at least.
This got a bark of a laugh from me. Well played. Not seen that particular twist before.It was the armored figure who spoke, voice low, gravelly, but at the same time, oddly feminine. "The Teleporting."
"It's why they call it a where-wolf, Lad," Thrain added. "But those are Bronze-rank, at least."
Really, truly, and deeply, fuck the fuck off Kyle. You were worth more to this party as a fucking corpse you are that much of a net negative to the group. Shut your fucking bitch ass mouth."Is that a threat?" Kyle demanded, hand going to his sword, while Dylan just turned to look at his classmate in horror.
Please say no and go off on your own and die for me Kyle. Pretty please.
Well fuck. Guess were stuck with him for a bit longer. Maybe next fight he'll fuck up enough to not come back.
Kyle very much would be the Hero of another story, and he's definitely the Hero of his own story, but this is not that story, and we don't have his PoV to see his justifications.Thanks for the chapter. Mostly jokingly: Fuck you for bringing Kyle back to life.
I just do not like the way he handles stress. He is the type of character that typically gets others killed with their ways before finally dying themselves. And they often die in a manner which is very inconvenient for all the other characters. Basically Kyle is one of my most hated character types for many reasons so I either want him to chill the fuck out very rapidly, die off screen and never blight the nartive again, or just silently disappear one chapter and no longer be a problem.Kyle very much would be the Hero of another story, and he's definitely the Hero of his own story, but this is not that story, and we don't have his PoV to see his justifications.