Seven Colours (Naruto)

Spoiler: A/N

This piece is written in second person. No idea why, it just came out like that.

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033 - Ryūzetsu’s Whatshisface Interlude: How to deal with the little monster.​

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It’s a quiet and nice day in Kusa. You have no plans to take any mission today, sensei isn’t around to train your ‘situational awareness’, and Shimada isn’t in town to rave at your team(mates) about the unfairness of life or beg about news about her own dorm mate. With whom she has a disturbing obsession… and might be also her adoptive sister?

You feel a shiver crawling up your spine. Yeah, not thinking about that. She won’t be back for at least a month, so you can occupy your mind with more pleasant thoughts, like how some species of wasps put their eggs inside live spiders, and their larva eats them alive once they hatch.

… You’ll miss how she always took care of the bill, though.

“I hear they’ve finally rebuilt the Boss Dude’s office.” Ryūzetsu comments, distractedly toying with the straw of her drink.

“I’m surprised he managed to get the workers on board in the first place.” Muku answers, ignoring the casual disrespect of our tyrant leader. One can only listen to Shimada so many times before it sticks. “There were rumours that they’d demolish the whole building instead, and build something else somewhere.”

“... I’m still confused about that one.” You finally pipe in. “The Boss Dude’s office gets destroyed and nobody raises a fuss. I was expecting martial law and curfew at the very least. Maybe some public executions.”

“We’re in a military dictatorship, we’re always under martial law.”

“Oh, bite me Ryūzetsu!” You get along with your team better than you ever expected, but she can still be a pedantic bitch when she wants to piss you off. “You know what I mean!”

“Oh, yeah, you’re not from a clan, so you wouldn’t know.” Thank god you have Muku. You can always depend on him. “It’s simple, really. If you want to live in Kusa you must always remember not to piss off the Shimada. Since they’re both helpful and scary as hell, and they don’t really go looking for trouble, it’s not a hard thing to do. Still, all the old clans have warnings passed down, just in case.”

“From time to time though, some of the higher ups either think they’re above it or are clanless shinobi who didn’t get the memo and try anyway.” Ryūzetsu pipes in. “Last time it was my clan elders, and coincidentally we had new leadership instated two years ago. I’ll give you three chances to guess who tried now, and the first two don’t count.

Another shiver goes down your spine. Like most of your promotion, you’ve always wondered why Shimada got away with half of the things she did back in the Academy. Especially when she had the whole Haizuki Clan against her. Then you graduated, and someone told you a bit about her family. Months later you still wake up drenched in sweat some mornings, and thank all the kami you’re still alive after the stunts you pulled on her back then.

“For what I hear,” she continues. “He either tried to either have the little monster put down or... ” Now it’s her turn to shiver. “Set her up to fail.”

“You don’t try to make a Shimada fail.” Muku explains at your confused expression. “They’ll succeed anyway just to spite you, and then bite your head off. He got lucky the current matriarch is so stupidly loyal to the village or we’d be having meetings to pick a new leader about now.”

“Sometimes you see her sitting there, rambling about that weird obsession she has with Uzumaki, and she almost seems harmless.” You comment, still trying to digest the new information. ‘Scary’ might fall short, you’ll have to find a new word to describe her. “Then you remember she was perfectly willing to gouge an eye out of its socket back when we were ten.”

“Nine.” Ryūzetsu pedants again. Is ‘to pedant’ a real verb? Whatever, it is now. “But she’s not that bad.” At my incredulous look, she lets out a chuckle. “Sure, she’s hard to understand, but she’s also painfully easy to work with, provided you have two brain cells to rub together.”

“Are you suggesting something about her team?”

“I’ll bet my heir position nobody in her team tried to sit down with her and have an honest heart-to-heart.”

“Bullshit.”

“It worked for me.” She shrugs. “And I spent years doing my best to turn her life into a living hell. What you need to realize first is that she doesn’t care about things most people consider important. She just doesn’t think like you or me.”

“And you know how she thinks?”

“I know enough. When I say she doesn’t care, I mean it. She doesn’t give a flying fuck about you, she doesn’t have a flying fuck about her team, and I’ll eat my forehead protector if she gives more than half a flying fuck about me. In whatever messed up set of priorities she has, most people don’t even ping the radar.”

She stops to finish her drink while you assimilate her words. It certainly would explain her behaviour, if it didn’t exactly detract from the horror. Instead of being a terribly cruel or ruthless individual, she’s someone terribly indifferent. Yeah, you’re still going to have those recurrent nightmares, but she’ll now probably look bored while hacking your arms and legs off and hanging you by his entrails.

“But it also makes her easy to deal with. Because ultimately she doesn’t care about you, she won’t take offense. Even if by some miracle you manage to piss her off, she’ll forget about it as soon as whatever caused the problem disappears. Something I recommend you see to ASAP, because she’s liable to gouge your eyes out for a minor offense. Because she just doesn’t fucking care.”

“Now, she’s strong and smart, and scarily competent.” Muku continues for her after nodding a couple of times at her explanation. “And keeping her happy is stupidly easy. So don’t go around poking the sleeping dragon, and you’ll be alright.”

“I know I joke sometimes about her not being human, but right now you sound as if...”

“As if she really isn’t?” Ryūzetsu finishes for me. “That’s because I don’t think she is. At least…” She pats her forehead with two fingers. “Up here. ‘Little monster’ is a title that fits her to a T.”

“But she gets along with some people, right? Karin? You two?”

“Yes, some people. Without hows or whys we normal humans can understand. I still have no idea what causes her to take an interest in people.” She shakes her head. “Take us two for instance. Muku and me were the strongest in our promotion, sure, but she never gave a flying fuck about that, and she somehow remembered our names from day one, anyway. There’s nothing that would explain why she latched onto Uzumaki either. I’ll admit she’s strong and somewhat cute, but she’s not the only cute girl in our class, and she didn’t become strong until after Shimada took her under her wing.”

“... Maybe she just likes redheads?” You offer. There were no more redheads in your class. Is kind of a rare hair color in the Elemental Nations.

“… Sounds stupid, but who knows with Shimada? It might be as simple as that.” She throws her plastic cup at a trash can. It goes wide, but then she throws her straw at it and somehow both things end up going in. After bouncing in a signpost. Muku and you clap a bit and she takes an exaggerated bow before continuing. “Also, I suspect she’s being subtly nurtured for our team.”

“The Boss Dude dropped the ball with his last stunt.” Muku comments. “But everything else adds up.”

“It ‘adds up’?” You don’t like how that sounds. “That makes no sense! And why all the cloak and dagger? Couldn’t the Boss Dude just assign her with you from the start?”

“Not if he wanted it to work.” She explains. “Since the moment she was pulled away from Uzumaki, she’s made very clear her thoughts about it. And I’m pretty sure the Boss Dude knew beforehand.”

“I really hope he had good reasons to separate those two, by the way.” You mutter, starting to see the logic of it all. “Whatever team she was assigned to, she would resent.”

“Meanwhile we’re the sympathetic ear who commiserates when she complains about her, as she puts it, ‘Karin withdrawal’.” She says, making air quotes “It all has to be subtle, though, because if she hears this was the plan from the start, there’s a high chance she’ll blow it out of sheer spite. Between you and me, I half-expected her team to have suffered a ‘unfortunate incident’ by now.”

“Wait, you mean the Boss Dude set the whole team to die?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth that might end up with the Kusa-anbu after my ass.” She grumbles. “But they were the graduates and sensei with less potential and that can’t be coincidence, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he did. Shimada is that useful to the village. Or at least can become such.”

“So he’s just waiting for one of us to die?” Which means you, because your teammates are leagues ahead.

“Oh, sweet summer child.” Ryūzetsu shakes her head in amusement.

“What? What did I say?”

“I would talk with the Boss Dude if I were you, Miki-san.” Muku pats your shoulder. “Just in case there’s an ‘unfortunate incident’ slotted for you. In the near future.”

“Isn’t she a chunin already?” You point out, your voice maybe a pitch higher than usual. “Won’t it be easier for the Boss Dude to simply put her in charge of our team instead once we get some more experience?“

“Well, maybe…” Ryūzetsu concedes slowly, obviously wondering why she didn’t think of that herself. She looks at Muku, obviously asking for a second opinion.

“She likes us well enough,” He agrees slowly. “making the team her responsibility might work.”

You deflate in relief, that means you’re safe. Heck, it might even be a good thing! Sensei isn’t bad, but it’s not hard to notice he considers the team a chore half the time. If Shimada is so stupidly effective at everything, she might be a suitable replacement. Maybe you’ll even become the next Sannin.

Wait, wouldn’t that mean you’d be Jiraiya?

“For now, at least.” Muku continues, pulling you out of your daydream. “I mean, sooner or later the Boss Dude will have to concede and put Uzumaki in Shimada’s team. And I can guarantee you won’t like being in the way of that.”

Okay, you’re screwed. Time to find a way to get reassigned.

Arc 2: Pile Gambit, END.

Spoiler: A/N the second

This is what I had ready for the ‘you can’t go to the exams’ subplot

In that continuity, he’d use her ‘desertion’ as leverage/excuse to put her into Ryūzetsu’s team once she returned.

On other news, I’m glad the Pile Gambit arc is done. Things were getting too contrived. Next we have a month of relative peace in Konoha, without a care in the world (or the closest to that a paranoid shinobi can get) while Karin fights for her lifethe exams take place. I’m not sure when I’ll start posting the third arc tho. My notes are bare bones for this.

 

Spoiler: A/N

It’s back! I promised you guys this would happen sooner or later and it’s finally here. I have reasons why this story is a bit more important to me than most, so there was never a chance it would be abandoned for good. Though I have to admit it was a good three years between writing the one-shot that inspired it and actually got around to properly write it, so how long ‘later’ could’ve stretched was anyone’s guess.

Until now! Because we’re back in business!!

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034 - Konoha (The land of opportunity)​

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I have a problem.

And this isn’t a problem like when traveling with Grandfather turned out to be not so great, or when I had to figure out how to tattoo storage seals on my wrists with invisible ink for my trump card. No, this is a serious problem. The process has been subtle and insidious, but there’s no way I can miss it anymore. You see, I am becoming Future Ran.

… Don’t laugh!

Future Ran is serious and responsible, she always clears up my messes and all her plans come to fruition. I don’t feel like I am any of that, but the clock’s ticking and I’m running out of time. I’ll have to step up to the plate sooner rather than later.

For the longest time, the Konoha Chunin Exams were just a vague possibility for the future. Something I even detachedly looked forward to. I mean, who wouldn’t? I like to think I never was the acheotypical stupid fangirl who would squee at the chance of being inserted, but I was, at least, a little bit giddy at the possibility of meeting my favorite characters face to face.

Now? Not so much.

Shikamaru would peg me as strange in the first five minutes of conversation and wouldn’t let go until he made me spill the beans in some subtle and overly elaborate plan that actually wouldn’t take much effort on his part.

Hinata is a sweet girl, but she’s also kind of scary? Yandere potential aside, I really don’t want her to take an interest in me right now.

Yakumo might be my favorite filler character, but I’d rather only interact with her after her Dying Will Flames of the Mist Real Illusion Demon/Shadow Alterego Persona Thingie (kind of a mouthful, I know) is dealt with.

Naruto would… There’s a nonzero chance of Naruto being able to tell people apart by their very souls, which is all sorts of bad news for my plans. The least be said about Aburame or Inuzuka, the best.

Because that’s the crux of the matter. I have plans, and there’s so much hanging on them. My neck, to begin with, Karin’s too, most likely. And they’re not the best plans to begin with, so I don’t need to add further complications. Or rather, they’re the best but that doesn’t make them good.

And yet, I have to spend a month here, cheering on Karin, but without spending too much time with her, because I’d rather she bonded with her cousin and maybe clan head and I have to avoid him like the plague. And it makes me feel… I don’t know. I don’t know, okay? There’s a reason why I don’t usually do introspection.

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Konoha’s walls appear between the stupid-ass giant trees so common in this part of Fire Country, and I can only think that’s too soon. At some point during my travel I must’ve gotten too lost in my own mind and increased my pace without thinking.

That’s what I’m going to assume happened, because it’s the only way I’d reach Konoha before the actual aspiring teams, who left Kusa with a two days advantage. Cutting through the wilderness instead of following the snaking road like a damn civilian probably helped, now that I think about it.

In any case, here we are. Time to pull out my permit and enter a ninja village not my own in an entirely legitimate way.

… Now, that’s a weird thought.

Konoha’s security is relaxed by necessity. They simply don’t have the human resources to keep track of everyone during an event like this one. As a low-ranking nin from an allied minor village, my own threat rating is pretty much down the gutter, so as long as I don’t do something stupid and attention grabbing, they won’t bother with me.

It should be a good thing, but… I’m kind of bad at not grabbing attention. How does one do unassuming, anyway? I tried it once, back when I hadn’t yet resigned myself to excel like the bloody Shimada I am, and I failed spectacularly. The question is, did I learn enough about what not to do to pull it off now? It’s only a month, right? I should manage, right?

… Yeah, I don’t believe it either, but I’ll have to try anyway.

I show my papers at the gate, hiding my disappointment at the eternal gatekeepers not manning the post at the moment, and step into the village proper. I was expecting a shiver down my spine as I set my foot in, maybe a sense of trepidation clenching my heart or a moment frozen in time as my brain registered the event and burned it to memory.

Instead, I took another step. And then another, and another, and another one. As opposed to what some people say about me, I did check a map of the city before leaving Kusa, so I don’t have trouble locating a hotel. Not the best, maybe, but with good installations, a private onsen and a reputation for clean rooms. Good enough for me.

After getting the keys for a couples room for the following month, I leave to take a look around the civilian markets and kill some time. The teams from Kusa are scheduled to arrive today, but with most of them being lazy bastards, it’ll be some hours before they make it here.

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In the end, the markets were a dud. I saw a couple of interesting things, but nothing to really get my attention and keep me entertained, so I ended up going back at the gates and waiting near them for three hours.

It was a relief when the teams from Kusa finally popped their heads along the path. Everyone is there, looking healthy and whole. Team We-Run-From-Bears and Team Deader Meat are walking at a sedated pace in what appears to be a basic defensive formation... Which means Karin is right in the middle.

Bitches, Karin can wipe the floor with your collective asses.

Besides that small slight, nothing draws attention to them. Just a normal group of normal genin from a normal minor village visiting in a normal way for their perfectly normal Chunin Exam. In other words, Orochimaru pulled off his assassination and replacement so flawlessly nobody even noticed. As expected of him, really.

I try to put that out of my mind when Karin finally notices me, a wide smile brightening her face at the pleasant surprise. Did she really think I would arrive after her just because she left earlier? Pu~lease!

“Ran-chan!” Karin rushes to my side as soon as they are given the all-clear. “I wasn’t expecting you for days!”

“Yeah, well. I’m prodigious like that.” I wink at her. “How was the trip? Any bear in the way?”

“Ran-chan…”

“Shimada.” Whatever else Karin was going to say is interrupted when the leader of Team Deader Meat approaches me. “I wasn’t sure whether we would see you here in Konoha, but Uzumaki was insistent you’d come.”

Orochimaru. If there was any doubt about his identity, they vanish as soon as he approaches me. It’s nothing I can put a pin on. Heck, I’m pretty sure his act is objectively perfect, but there’s a shiver down my spine the moment he calls my name and I just know.

I don’t react to that knowledge, though. I don’t freeze up, I don’t grow tense. This is something I wouldn’t have been able to achieve, in most circumstances. Only by committing time and effort to it have I been able to accept that there’s not a single thing I can do against him and thus, there’s no point in acting differently. A pathetic epiphany, and nothing short of self-hypnosis.

“Here I am.” I answer with chill. With all the chill. I’m the chillest chill this side of the Mississippi, cooler than a watermelon in sunglasses. “I’m officially on a holiday, but if you guys need the occasional hand with training, just hit me up. I’ll give Karin the information on where I’m staying later.”

I’m not making the offer idly. I have exactly zero interest in breaking my R&R by putting up with these lazy bums. But there’s something well known about me, something anyone with even cursory knowledge of me would know, something I might want in return from helping around.

What catches me on the back foot is the barely concealed shiver as he takes a step back and looks around nervously.

“That’s… generous of you, Shimada. But we should have it covered.” He licks his lips nervously, looking a bit green. Heck, both teams look a bit green. Food poisoning? Maybe the trip didn’t sit well with them? “Actually, why don’t you take Uzumaki with you? There’s little we can do before the first phase anyway. I’m sure our sensei won’t mind giving her some time to kick off and relax before the exam starts in earnest.”

He looks behind him, where the two jounin-sensei and Karin’s actual team leader hurry to agree with his words. There’s something that sounds suspiciously like ‘please don’t hurt us’ coming from them, and I wonder whether Orochimaru might not be that good at infiltration after all, he has everyone terrorized!

…

Anyway, that’s not what I was aiming for, but I’ll take it. With a shrug, I grab Karin’s hand and disappear amongst the mass of civilians before someone can change their mind. Karin is mine until the exams proper!

“So!” I ask once I’m reasonably sure chasing us isn’t worth the effort. “Do you want to gather intel on the competition or go see the sights?”

“I think we can leave the cloak and dagger stuff for tomorrow. And maybe do something relaxing before sightseeing?” She smiles tiredly, stretching like a cat. “Right now I just want to sit down and maybe have a nice dinner.”

“Say no more, I know the place!” I answer cheerfully

If you’re thinking Yakiniku Q, you’re utterly wrong. Who the heck has barbeque for dinner, anyway? Especially after a long trip. No, as much as Karin doesn’t conform to that certain irritating trope about the Uzumaki, Ichiraku’s is still the best ramen place in the Elemental Nations.

… Or maybe it isn’t, I’ve never been there myself. That’s why we’re paying a visit.

It’s still a bit early for dinner, so we take a sedated pace to get there. The streets of Konoha may hold little interest to me, but strolling alongside Karin is a different matter altogether. I feel myself relax as she tells me about her own trip here. And I let myself forget about the absolute shitshow that’s coming.

The smell hits us before the place comes to sight. Miso, baked bone, seafood and the other thousand subtle and blatant aromas of a shop that deals with a variety of broths, accompanied by an undertone of ground cereal, exclusive to places that dough their own noodles.

I smile as we get closer, readying a bit of a grandstanding introduction. My hand goes to the curtain, lips splitting for my announcement as I pull it open and-

"Welcome to Ichiraku's!" A cheerful male voice comes from inside, stepping on my line.

I very pointedly don’t pout as we take our seats, and whoever says otherwise is a lying liar who lies. Obviously Karin’s snickering is because of some old joke she just happened to remember. At least the waitress is cute.

It's at that moment, right as I’m trying to figure out what I want to try first, that my day gets utterly and completely ruined by a cheerfully boisterous voice coming right from my side and possibly ruining my hearing for the rest of the evening.

“Oi, Ossan! Another three tonkotsu here!”

I freeze, slowly turning my head to the side to verify what I already know to be true. Uzumaki Naruto is here. Because of course he’s here. Somehow, it never crossed my mind that this place’s best client, who just happens to be in the top 3 of Konoha people I didn’t want to randomly meet, might be eating here.

I’ve always planned on helping the lovable fool meet and connect with Karin, but it was supposed to be something engineered from afar, without involving myself with Naruto if at all possible. As mentioned before, Naruto is bad news for my anonymity. How did I even miss a blonde in eye-searing orange sitting in the stall when I came in?

Don’t… don’t talk to me, okay? I know. Dear Homura, devil of love, I’m a fucking idiot.

… Maybe he won’t see me if I don’t move?

Spoiler: Gabled Patreon Plug

A friend explained to me in small words how stupid it was to have a Patreon and not use it, then proceeded to threaten bodily harm if I didn’t at least insert a plug on my stories so… Here’s my Patreon. It’s not much, but it’s mine. Don’t feel obliged to anything but maybe consider a small pledge if you enjoy my work?

 

"Hello Uzumaki. What Ramen would you reccomend?"
"How did you know my name?"
"You smell like an Uzumaki. This is my Uzumaki. her name is Karin, she's probably your cousin several times removed."
*Twin shocked Uzumaki, 'I have Family?!?!' faces*
"Hey Bonde, I still wanted to know what Ramen you recomend. Don't worry Karin, your still my favorite, but I'll tolarte him if you want to keep him"

[Several hours later]
"Thank you for meeting with us we-"
"I'm in."
"I'm sorry?"
"Your trying to get me to defect, right? Yeah they bullied my Karin, so i'm in."
"...You would throw away your loyalty so easily?"
"I'm loyal to my family. My family is all dead, except for Karin, who I adopted, and they bullied."
"..."
"Can i be the one to tell team Deader Meat and Afraid-Of-Bears? I bet they'll make funny faces."
"Let's just get started on the paperwork for now, we can deal with the...Political ramifactions of you and Uzumaku-chan's defection later.."
"Okay, but i'm going to ignore it if it's inconvenient, and if anyone tries to take away my Karin, I will beat them to death with a frying pan."
"I see. Just out of curiosity, Have you ever met a woman nammed Kushina?"
"No? Huh for some reason she sounds really cool tho. Got any stories?"
"Perhaps later"
"Oh, and I would like to request being kept far away from the Snake Sannin you got infiltrating another team. He's creepy."
*Hokage Migrain Intensifies*
"I'm sorry. What?"