Questionable Questing

Sorry, my writing's a little clunky sometimes. As for the style I like it, I don't know how to describe it, but it feels like your imitating older style's of books. Which is pretty cool, although and this doesn't mean your writings not good, but that kind of stylistic choice is going to turn off some people.

He'd done as he craved. Conquered the body of his daughter and forced unspeakable yearning to flower into her heart, to chain her to him so she needed his touch and love to be whole. She was a beautiful woman and he enjoyed having the shape of a man. He ravaged her and would do so for eternity. Love and lust twin flames inside him, wound around each other by his hands and his acts.

My thought on that has always been if I can make it modern enough as the authors I like and have it be good as a style in general? I don't mind not everyone enjoying it

That paragraph above, is a perfect example of what I'm trying to say. A couple of those sentences wouldn't look out of place in Paradise lost.

Which is cool and I think a million times more interesting than a lot of stories on this site, but a great example of a more modern style.

Inspirations are interesting. There's Wheel of Time, Malazan, my burning self loathing and doubt I could make good prose so I inject it with steroids, poetry from Long Fellow, Fionavar, R Scott Bakker's Prince of Nothing and Crossycross was a major influence on my early writing when I saw their mega chunky descriptive paragraphs

Fun fact on that paragraph. Low confidence panic while writing it thinking to myself why can't I write smutty physical sexy better

I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair – it just won't behave, and damn KatherineKavanagh for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal. I should be studying for my final exams, which are next week, yet here I am trying to brush my hair into submission.

I must not sleep with it wet. I must not sleep with it wet. Reciting this mantra several times, I attempt, once more, to bring it under control with the brush. I roll my eyes in exasperation and gaze at the pale, brown-haired girl with blue eyes too big for her face staring back at me, and give up.

The two paragraph's above me are the first couple sentences in 50 shade of Grey and a perfect example I can use to compare to yours.

You'll notice in 50 shades of Grey they have a lot more simple words. You'll notice many of the words are only 4 or 6 letter's total. The descriptions are a little bit shorter and more to point. less comparisons are made. The sentences are a little more clipped and less flowery than yours.

Please for the love of broken bleeding neverborn gods, tell me your not saying I'm like Fivity shades of grey

Nope, I'm saying 50 shades of Grey is the exact opposite of yours.

If you want a good example of clipped, Jim Butcher is the man. You see in that quote you gave, "subjugated" serves no tonal or characterizing purpose. Its a word in with a more modern style but doesn't give anything to it. While Jim Butcher, in his works his clipped style will make use of words adding to the strength of the First person Pov

50 shades of Gray is an example of that more modern style of writing I was talking about, and how your style is very different.

Well I feel better. Jim Butcher in Codex Alera and Dredsen Files has a powerful well practiced short style that can be quite beautiful when needed but always fun. Also, that fucking paragraph focus is disgusting and should be shot.

Anyway I wasn't trying to find a good one, I was just trying to find something I could find for free on the internet.

I am of the school of Fionavar angst and emotionality. To spend time on hair of all things is just, what's the point for attracting the reader into the sorrows and joys of the character

Ah, I feel bad for your soul having had to read parts of that book now. Also, what's terrible is I read paranormal romance. I know good authors in the genre. Talented writers limited by their market ambitions who otherwise have potential and show quality of character and even prose superior to this. Good worldbuilding too for Shieren Kelan

Also, did you figure out what Belial and Fierna are?