A New Player in the Force (SW/Lite Gamer)

[DariusBlack]

I write this story, and the others, months ahead of what I post here (I'm 5 chapters ahead, fyi, with each going through planning, drafts and redrafts before I'm happy with them). Just because you, dislike how I handle a chapter/event - as I suspect you both did with TPM4 - isn't going to have me go back and spend ages changing it to suit your tastes. I write, first and foremost, for myself.

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With respect, this is the first time I've commented on one of your stories, despite following you for some time. So the hostility is a little unwarranted, especially when my primary concern in that section was about pacing not content. Secondly, as someone who writes, I know that even when I've gone over a draft twenty times or more there are times when I miss things that are noticeable to another person. That is why having someone look over your draft is common practice among writers, as I'm sure you are aware, so I didn't think giving my first impressions would be an issue. I also notably didn't ask you to rewrite anything, just gave an opinion that you are free to ignore, as you have already stated you will do. I will take your preferences into account in the future and not comment, though I will still read because I like what you write. Best of luck to you.

 

[Mark Burton]

I write this story, and the others, months ahead of what I post here (I'm 5 chapters ahead, fyi, with each going through planning, drafts and redrafts before I'm happy with them). Just because you, dislike how I handle a chapter/event - as I suspect you both did with TPM4 - isn't going to have me go back and spend ages changing it to suit your tastes. I write, first and foremost, for myself.






That has something that's been set in place for a while, as you say, and intentional. He has the skill, but not the connection/understanding of the Force to be the "force" he should be. Even then, he's 17, with 9 years of training. Against someone like, oh I don't know DARTH MAUL, who was trained from birth - and is around 10 years older than Cam - under insanely difficult conditions by Sidious to be capable of taking on High Council members, the fact Cam struggled with him doesn't make him weak.
Maul killed the current and former Jedi Battlemasters (Drallig and Bondara). People considered some of the best fighters in the Order. And he did so handily. Cam lasting as long as he did (which, fyi, wasn't that long as Cam was fighting that entire fight at his absolute limit, which was made clear at times unless you didn't bother to pay attention) is a small miracle, and sign he came into the fight prepared.

And as for the idea Cam could overwhelm Maul with the Force... that's not how it works. Otherwise there'd be no need for lightsabers. While it is possible, understand the insane training Sidious put Maul through - which Plagueis put him through - and understand how likely it would be for Cam, even with his abilities, to somehow be able to overwhelm Maul in ways that Sidious has spent decades training him to counter,. Because of that, Cam came at the fight from a non-Jedi mindset, and drew on the tech of a group who know how to fight and kill Force users.
and it worked.



Cam is flawed, and just because you know you have a weakness, doesn't make it easy to remove. Not when the source of so much of your problems can't be. The difference, unless it flew over your head, is that here, unlike say Vosa or the Vong, Cam regained control quickly. That's improvement.
Of course if that's too slow for you, or you want him to be perfect, you'd better get off now.



The door's wide open. Nothing stopping you getting out, nor will you be missed.

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Painfully clear where your characters get their short tempers and poor impulse control from.

My comment was neither combative or trolling and you chose to jump down my throat.

I'm not interested in getting an arguement

 

[Silverbladestar]

With respect, this is the first time I've commented on one of your stories, despite following you for some time. So the hostility is a little unwarranted, especially when my primary concern in that section was about pacing not content. Secondly, as someone who writes, I know that even when I've gone over a draft twenty times or more there are times when I miss things that are noticeable to another person. That is why having someone look over your draft is common practice among writers, as I'm sure you are aware, so I didn't think giving my first impressions would be an issue. I also notably didn't ask you to rewrite anything, just gave an opinion that you are free to ignore, as you have already stated you will do. I will take your preferences into account in the future and not comment, though I will still read because I like what you write. Best of luck to you.

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Painfully clear where your characters get their short tempers and poor impulse control from.

My comment was neither combative or trolling and you chose to jump down my throat.

I'm not interested in getting an arguement

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You raised some good points, but those points weren't clear in the chapter itself. Also, your response was a little defensively nasty and not warranted. It's good writing it but could be better. And even if you are writing for yourself and not others, reacting like that to criticism meant to be honest and helpful is not cool.

 

[syneb]

I write this story, and the others, months ahead of what I post here (I'm 5 chapters ahead, fyi, with each going through planning, drafts and redrafts before I'm happy with them). Just because you, dislike how I handle a chapter/event - as I suspect you both did with TPM4 - isn't going to have me go back and spend ages changing it to suit your tastes. I write, first and foremost, for myself.

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Cam is flawed, and just because you know you have a weakness, doesn't make it easy to remove. Not when the source of so much of your problems can't be. The difference, unless it flew over your head, is that here, unlike say Vosa or the Vong, Cam regained control quickly. That's improvement.
Of course if that's too slow for you, or you want him to be perfect, you'd better get off now.

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The door's wide open. Nothing stopping you getting out, nor will you be missed.

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Oh, so you're one of those kinds of authors. Can't take criticism even when it's not given in a combative or offensive way, or even when it's not so much a criticism, but a "review". Well, that makes things much easier for me I guess.

 

[KingNecron101]

I write this story, and the others, months ahead of what I post here (I'm 5 chapters ahead, fyi, with each going through planning, drafts and redrafts before I'm happy with them). Just because you, dislike how I handle a chapter/event - as I suspect you both did with TPM4 - isn't going to have me go back and spend ages changing it to suit your tastes. I write, first and foremost, for myself.






That has something that's been set in place for a while, as you say, and intentional. He has the skill, but not the connection/understanding of the Force to be the "force" he should be. Even then, he's 17, with 9 years of training. Against someone like, oh I don't know DARTH MAUL, who was trained from birth - and is around 10 years older than Cam - under insanely difficult conditions by Sidious to be capable of taking on High Council members, the fact Cam struggled with him doesn't make him weak.
Maul killed the current and former Jedi Battlemasters (Drallig and Bondara). People considered some of the best fighters in the Order. And he did so handily. Cam lasting as long as he did (which, fyi, wasn't that long as Cam was fighting that entire fight at his absolute limit, which was made clear at times unless you didn't bother to pay attention) is a small miracle, and sign he came into the fight prepared.

And as for the idea Cam could overwhelm Maul with the Force... that's not how it works. Otherwise there'd be no need for lightsabers. While it is possible, understand the insane training Sidious put Maul through - which Plagueis put him through - and understand how likely it would be for Cam, even with his abilities, to somehow be able to overwhelm Maul in ways that Sidious has spent decades training him to counter,. Because of that, Cam came at the fight from a non-Jedi mindset, and drew on the tech of a group who know how to fight and kill Force users.
and it worked.



Cam is flawed, and just because you know you have a weakness, doesn't make it easy to remove. Not when the source of so much of your problems can't be. The difference, unless it flew over your head, is that here, unlike say Vosa or the Vong, Cam regained control quickly. That's improvement.
Of course, if that's too slow for you, or you want him to be perfect, you'd better get off now.



The door's wide open. Nothing stopping you getting out, nor will you be missed.

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Writing for yourself is fine, won't stop people from commenting on the issues they think are there. No one was being overly combative with you, just pointing out their views on what is happening. This makes you insulting your readers for simply stating their thoughts petty and frankly childish. This is a forum. People will say their views on things. Either accept it if it happens to be valid or even useful criticism or just ignore it and move on.

 

[Kwame]

Tbf with Maul it seems the author is contradicting the canon hierarchy, where legends is below movie canon. The good think about this is Grievous won't be a joke when he's introduced.

As for the switching of POVs it feels jarring due to the lose of momentum the fight builds up. Also what lesson is he supposed to learn from losing a limb like that? It's not like he brought Anakin to the battlefield on purpose. The force is going to fuck him when he's about to win to keep canon? Is that the lesson?

 

[USSExplorer]

Painfully clear where your characters get their short tempers and poor impulse control from.

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Nah, just fed up with dumb fucks who choose to complain about something they get for free.

I'm not interested in getting an arguement

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There's no argument, I'm done even seeing you around here.

Can't take criticism even when it's not given in a combative or offensive way, or even when it's not so much a criticism, but a "review"

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Nah, I can take criticism. Just sick of people complaining but don't worry, done seeing your mug anymore.

 

[Septaemus Meridaeus]

Tbf with Maul it seems the author is contradicting the canon hierarchy, where legends is below movie canon. The good think about this is Grievous won't be a joke when he's introduced.

As for the switching of POVs it feels jarring due to the lose of momentum the fight builds up. Also what lesson is he supposed to learn from losing a limb like that? It's not like he brought Anakin to the battlefield on purpose. The force is going to fuck him when he's about to win to keep canon? Is that the lesson?

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I mean if he just rediscovers kolto or uses the force with bacta and modern day practices he could restore the arm, as long as he gets it on ice fast and removes the burnt flesh and heals the damaged nerves he'll have a numbness probably not full feel in his arm below the elbow which could be a problem without enhancements physically or force wise but it should be possible and he'd still have a scar around where said arm was severed from.
Though that is entirely up to USSExplorer.

 

[Kulha]

Well, I planned to read the recent chapter and went to trademarks just to see the babyrage post from the author. Now I'm not gonna bother. Maybe I'll come back next year if I'm really desperate for some time-killing. From the number of likes and comments, I'm guessing a lot of people already aren't bothering.

 

[USSExplorer]

With respect, this is the first time I've commented on one of your stories, despite following you for some time. So the hostility is a little unwarranted, especially when my primary concern in that section was about pacing not content. Secondly, as someone who writes, I know that even when I've gone over a draft twenty times or more there are times when I miss things that are noticeable to another person. That is why having someone look over your draft is common practice among writers, as I'm sure you are aware, so I didn't think giving my first impressions would be an issue. I also notably didn't ask you to rewrite anything, just gave an opinion that you are free to ignore, as you have already stated you will do. I will take your preferences into account in the future and not comment, though I will still read because I like what you write. Best of luck to you.

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Going to start with this one first.
Yeah, my reaction to your comment was a mistake, and for that I'm sorry.

There are two others who are heavily involved with this story, and one of them helps with the other 2 I write.
For each chapter and arc, we discuss in a voice chat our plans for the chapter/arc, and I make notes as we go.
I then create a rough guide for the chapter, which is looked over.
Drafts of each scene (generally around 50-60% of the published length) is written, and that is looked over.
The redraft is done, and the both check it.
Both of them are far more knowledgeable about Star War than I, or 99% of the readers of this story on any site where I post it.
From there, 2 months to 2 weeks before it goes public, those who support my writing get the redraft early, and those on the Discord server - if they are active enough - get it about a week early.

Throughout all that, there was never a complaint or suggestion that doing the multiple POVs for the battle of Naboo didn't work.
The only suggestion was to consider one chapter focusing purely on Theed, and one on the other chapters.

It feels really jarring to have something that's been built up this much repeatedly interrupted for things that, while necessary to the story as a whole, are significantly less important feeling to the audience. Or, at least, that's my opinion. I really like this story and the authors writing overall, but this chapter's pacing really frustrated me.

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This, as mentioned above, wasn't seen as an issue by any who read the chapter before it went public.
Just going by Discord numbers, that is conceivably 1000+ people who saw the chapter earlier than today who accepted the styling.
I know there were issues many had on the public sites regarding the jumping POVs, and that will be looked at the next time there's a planet/system-wide battle. However, as I write far in advance of public posting (~2chapters for Patreons, ~5 chapters for myself) trying to alter the way the chapter was written after TPM4 came out was simply impossible.

The other POVs are important characters, but OCs and from the EU, though I can see how to many they don't seem to be.

I'm wondering if this is another Skywalker homage. I'm not gonna lie, the fact that it feels like every Star Wars protagonist, fanfiction or not, has to lose an arm is starting to feel a bit played out. If Cam had to lose something, why not make it something less generic? Although, admittedly, most of the other body parts he could lose would be equally generic. I'm honestly not a big fan of the idea that a main character has to have body parts removed to learn a lesson or show growth in general, to be honest, though I understand why authors use it. It just feels a little played out as an idea and seems primarily to be used for shock value.

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This was less a lesson about growth and more a lesson about how the Force has a path that doesn't always agree with the one a Force user might wish to walk/take.
We did debate on the idea of it for a long time, and it made sense for Cam to get injured somehow. The issue was that, because of the beskar armour, the only weakpoints were at critical joints. The armour isn't, unfortunately. like full plate armour of knights. At least not in this era.

 

[USSExplorer]

Well, I planned to read the recent chapter and went to trademarks just to see the babyrage post from the author. Now I'm not gonna bother. Maybe I'll come back next year if I'm really desperate for some time-killing. From the number of likes and comments, I'm guessing a lot of people already aren't bothering.

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Well, that wasn't meant to be a threadmark, thanks for spotting it.
But if you feel that was babyrage, then don't let the door hit you one the way out. You won't be missed.

 

[USSExplorer]

Tbf with Maul it seems the author is contradicting the canon hierarchy, where legends is below movie canon. The good think about this is Grievous won't be a joke when he's introduced.

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Yeah, Grievous will be what Tartakovsky made in the CW 2003 miniseries than what he was in Filoni's show.
Perhaps, depending on how things change, he might even be even more of a threat.

As for the switching of POVs it feels jarring due to the lose of momentum the fight builds up.

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A critique that was heard in TPM4, but because of how I write, and the time I have to do so, not one that could be altered for this chapter.

Also what lesson is he supposed to learn from losing a limb like that?

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Not to trust the Force to always have your back. Maybe

 

[JohnSmithMIB]

I had no issue with him losing a body part, with where his skill level was going into the fight a major injury was expected. Him getting stabbed in the gut as a trade for lopping off maul's head is another way I could have seen it going. Taking blunt force trauma from a thrown object that he was able to twirl Maul into or injury due to close range explosive also were on my list. Basically anything that could force him into a bacta bath or keep him in a hospital doing rehab for a few months. The only thing I discounted was a face injury though if Cam's armor was badly damaged and he poisoned his own lungs that would have been a pretty unexpected plot beat.

 

[USSExplorer]

I had no issue with him losing a body part, with where his skill level was going into the fight a major injury was expected. Him getting stabbed in the gut as a trade for lopping off maul's head is another way I could have seen it going. Taking blunt force trauma from a thrown object that he was able to twirl Maul into or injury due to close range explosive also were on my list. Basically anything that could force him into a bacta bath or keep him in a hospital doing rehab for a few months. The only thing I discounted was a face injury though if Cam's armor was badly damaged and he poisoned his own lungs that would have been a pretty unexpected plot beat.

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Beskar can tank a lightsaber. Something Cam used to his advantage in the fight.
And he already has one facial scar, didn't need a hole in the head to go with it

 

[USSExplorer]

Next step is to chop off Maul's arms and legs, drug him to the gills, and then haul him to the Jedi for interrogation right?

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The issue with giving Maul to the Jedi is who the Chancellor is. Sure he could arrange for the ship transporting Maul to be intercepted.

Cam's allies showing up though screws with the conversation or actions he could have had with his battlelink being off as I'd expect at least one mando to have the ability to eavesdrop built into their helmets.

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Except, Osto was meant to arrive there. Cam had alerted him to engaging Maul and he knew of the chance a Sith might be on Naboo. As for the recording, well we saw in Vhonte's POV that she recorded the battle, at least until the very end when Cam turned off the channel.

As far as pacing goes it felt a lot like commercial breaks. The only one that might have needed to be dropped in timing-wise was the Bo POV but it could have been moved to the end if the scene with Maul was completed. We didn't get a hard cliff which is nice but another few paragraphs seemed like they'd stitch that sequence up nicely. I would also have preferred to have the Padme, Asta, and Vhonte POVs at the beginning and a "10 minutes earlier" tag at the start of each of the POVs after the first that way the fight would have felt like a continuous build up to the end.

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I'll keep that approach in mind for the next time I need a heavy multi-pov chapter/arc.

There's still cleanup to do since Padme hasn't got Gunray yet and there's still two crippled Lucrehulks in orbit that need to be captured. Seeing the fallout of Naboo for both the planet and all the factions around the galaxy (Lokella, Mando, Jedi, Sith) will be awesome.

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All shall be handled in the next chapter, which has a lot of lifting to do to close out the arc and book 2.

The author seems to follow the formulas of most other gamer stories. Rapid growth at the start then the MC hits a massive wall and the stats and skill levels start to grow at a snails pace.

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The wall was always there, though the exacts of it have evolved.
And Cam will soon over come that wall, don't worry.
Ofc, once he does, he'll have to adapt to the new norm that losing the wall brings

 

[Serpentine]

Honestly, I thought the duel between Maul and Shan was beautifully written. Really painted the scene and I could picture every interaction in my mind's eye as I read. I guess the POVs were a little much in number, but I can't say I was personally frustrated with them. I'm stuck between admiring how you've made five to ten minutes in a story go on for an "eternity" (a thing often spoken of but kind of rare to actually witness/read) and being slightly annoyed that in this chonky ass chapter (that one could fit five normal sized chapters from other stories) there wasn't really all that much progress lol. That's really just me wanting more though.

 

[Vergessen]

I liked the duel a great deal. It really feels like this is a hard fought battle. I also agree with you that Maul is the superior fighter both due to experience and training and am very happy with how you have written Cams unorthodox fighting style and the advantage of his armour. I hope Cam uses the armour consistency instead of using robes during battle like the Jedi would want him to.

Concerning the pow shift I have to agree with your other readers. I personally hate multiple pow shifts and consider the tag on stories as a reason to reconsider if I want to read it. I don't think your use of pow is that problematic in general, but your use of them this time was a bit frustrating. Pow shifts during fighting and ESPECIALLY when one of the characters is fighting for his life is a cardinal sin. It is the recurring and frustrating trope that during a big battle, when the villain is about plunge his knife into the heart of the protagonist, we are treated to two chapters of flashbacks explaining what the MC's best friend has eaten for breakfast before coming here and intervening in just the right moment to save the MC.

I can also understand where the frustration about the lost hand comes from. While I understand that logically loosing the hand has the greatest probability of happening since both Jedi and Sith are trained to go for the saber hand, choosing the hand as the duel injury feels a bit generic and uninspired (the curse of the Skywalkers strikes again). I think the more problematic issue is about how the injury came to be in the first place. There would probably be less grumbling if Cam lost his hand during the battle because of his own fault. Maybe in exchange for a victory blow to highlight how Cam's aggressiveness costs him. That it instead came to be because of that little shit Anakin frustrates me too. If it had to happen at all because of outside forces I would have probably preferred that it happen because of Serra. The relationship between Cam and Ani feels far less fleshed out than the others and because of that their bond feels less meaningful. They really need to spend some longer amount of time together to make the bond more believable instead of Cam dropping by once or twice a year to be the cool uncle for a day.

Personally, I disagree with the complaints that Cam would feel too weak and the frustration about the bottleneck in his swordmanship progression. Gamer systems tend to grow too quickly so consider it a badge of honour to have readers feel like a character with a cheat skill feels to weak. I would have even liked to see Cam struggle more but that's just personal opinion. The bottleneck was a long time coming and the reasons behind it are well explained so good work on that. If Cam broke the bottleneck during the fight like I think is implied that would give a well written record and power progression after a hard fought fight.

In conclusion, I think that the fight is well written. But you should also consider how you want to write the pow shifts of your next fight. This isn't about us being hostile against your story. We wouldn't make the effort to write our thoughts about this chapter if we wouldn't enjoy your work. Read another story where the privotal battle suffers from pow shifts during critical moments and I'm sure you will understand where our misgivings come from.

 

[oscar e Sampedro Lopez]

Thank for the chapter.
Of course it cannot be a star wars fanfiction without the author dismembering the mc to emulate the Skywalker's because why no? Really expected that or Maul escaping. Hope the next chapter is a quick execution and no some nonsense of imprison him for information.

 

[Taliesin]

I also enjoyed the duel. It was exciting, well-written. I get why Cam lost himself in the dark for a while; he's riding the line of being seriously emotionally compromised by the dark side. (A problem he's going to have to fix, and maybe this will be a wake up call that perhaps Jedi doctrine has a point about the dark side being more trouble than it's worth in the end. For all their fast and easy power the Sith are ultimately self-destructive, etc.) I think some reader complaints on this are just because this sort of story is a power fantasy that people place themselves into, and people don't like it when their power fantasy protagonists make mistakes because that runs counter to the fantasy, even though it's what ultimately much of what makes the narrative interesting. Characters are hard to make interesting or even likeable when they make no mistakes.

I might have expected Cam to have superior skills to Maul, given that he's been training for at least as long and has the Gamer power to tremendously improve his rate of learning, but for Maul's "natural" skills to give him the edge over Cam's mechanical perfection just like Cam has experienced with Jedi Masters. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the way the author has presented the lore, though.

The bit about Cam's skills briefly getting much more natural is intriguing, and I'm looking forward to finding out more.

 

[LuciferBael]

I might have expected Cam to have superior skills to Maul, given that he's been training for at least as long and has the Gamer power to tremendously improve his rate of learning, but for Maul's "natural" skills to give him the edge over Cam's mechanical perfection just like Cam has experienced with Jedi Masters. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the way the author has presented the lore, though.

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As long?
Cam - 9 years
Maul - 22
Cam - more relaxed Jedi training plus a bit laid back mandalorian influenced by the NMs
Maul - brutal sith training combined with training at the top assassin training centre in the galaxy(till Maul destroyed it)

 

[Taliesin]

As long?
Cam - 9 years
Maul - 22
Cam - more relaxed Jedi training plus a bit laid back mandalorian influenced by the NMs
Maul - brutal sith training combined with training at the top assassin training centre in the galaxy(till Maul destroyed it)

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From what I can find, Maul became Sidious' apprentice in 37 BBY at 17 years old, and Naboo occurred in 32 BBY at 22 years old. That's 5 years of training.

Sure, his training was brutal and would have given him the edge over ordinary Jedi, but he was stuck learning at the maximum rate of a normal person. Gamer's whole cheat code is learning skills absurdly quickly.

 

[SotF]

From what I can find, Maul became Sidious' apprentice in 37 BBY at 17 years old, and Naboo occurred in 32 BBY at 22 years old. That's 5 years of training.

Sure, his training was brutal and would have given him the edge over ordinary Jedi, but he was stuck learning at the maximum rate of a normal person. Gamer's whole cheat code is learning skills absurdly quickly.

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With Maul, at least in Legends, he was training from far earlier.

Some of the stuff from the Darth Maul books and comics had him as around Anakin's age when Sidious decided to strand him on, essentially, a hell world for a while to test him while starting naked and unarmed.

 

[LuciferBael]

From what I can find, Maul became Sidious' apprentice in 37 BBY at 17 years old, and Naboo occurred in 32 BBY at 22 years old. That's 5 years of training.

Sure, his training was brutal and would have given him the edge over ordinary Jedi, but he was stuck learning at the maximum rate of a normal person. Gamer's whole cheat code is learning skills absurdly quickly.

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I. . . . dont know where you got that info but its wrong, heres a good video that explains Mauls backstory in broad strokes

 

[Taliesin]

I. . . . dont know where you got that info but its wrong, heres a good video that explains Mauls backstory in broad strokes

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Ah, I think the source I found was going by canon, not EU. That would explain it.

 

[LuciferBael]

Ah, I think the source I found was going by canon, not EU. That would explain it.

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Ya probably

 

[Chazamataz7]

My guess on the cause of Anakin's "Nooo!" is that Maetel's Gift has been sacked by the Hutts and Shimi is missing.

 

[Darkcrest]

So yet another story i follow falls into the cliche lets maim the si/oc character. In fantasy it's always an eye lost and in star wars it's always the arm. Frankly it's to the point where i consider it to be the sign of a lazy writer. There are other ways to humble a character than permanently maiming them.

 

[USSExplorer]

So yet another story i follow falls into the cliche lets maim the si/oc character. In fantasy it's always an eye lost and in star wars it's always the arm. Frankly it's to the point where i consider it to be the sign of a lazy writer. There are other ways to humble a character than permanently maiming them.

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You know what, you don't like Cam losing his forearm, then fuck off and write your own story.
I'm sick of the negativity regarding choices I'm making in my story.
I'm such a lazy writer that I've written this for 5 years and a million fucking words.
Whereas you have written, at least on this site, a grand total of 0 words in story since there's no thread who'd created.
Not sure which of us that makes lazy.

And literally everything is a cliché of some story written decades, centuries, or millennia ago.

The choices made for this story are planned out.
I accept the criticisms about the POV shifting, but that's only come from people on sites such as this on the public release. Those on the the Discord, which is considerably more than anything who follow it on this site, or most of the others, never brought up issues.
Still, they will be considered for future chapters/arcs where POV shifts are needed.

But complaints about Cam losing an arm as the only injury he takes against someone who just defeated the Jedi Order's Battlemaster (and his Padawan) as a warmup, is, quite frankly, more believable than Cam walking through the fight without an injury.
Especially as, if not for the armour, and the weapons added to it, Cam would've died in each phase of the battle.

Maul, un like what so bloody many people believe, isn't a joke. He was trained for around 20 years under insane conditions that would break almost anyone else, to be a SITH ASSASSIN. I.E. Someone designed to kill Jedi Masters.
He's not some alien Sidious just picked up off the streets a few days ago...

 

[Taliesin]

You know what, you don't like Cam losing his forearm, then fuck off and write your own story.
I'm sick of the negativity regarding choices I'm making in my story.
I'm such a lazy writer that I've written this for 5 years and a million fucking words.
Whereas you have written, at least on this site, a grand total of 0 words in story since there's no thread who'd created.
Not sure which of us that makes lazy.

And literally everything is a cliché of some story written decades, centuries, or millennia ago.

The choices made for this story are planned out.
I accept the criticisms about the POV shifting, but that's only come from people on sites such as this on the public release. Those on the the Discord, which is considerably more than anything who follow it on this site, or most of the others, never brought up issues.
Still, they will be considered for future chapters/arcs where POV shifts are needed.

But complaints about Cam losing an arm as the only injury he takes against someone who just defeated the Jedi Order's Battlemaster (and his Padawan) as a warmup, is, quite frankly, more believable than Cam walking through the fight without an injury.
Especially as, if not for the armour, and the weapons added to it, Cam would've died in each phase of the battle.

Maul, un like what so bloody many people believe, isn't a joke. He was trained for around 20 years under insane conditions that would break almost anyone else, to be a SITH ASSASSIN. I.E. Someone designed to kill Jedi Masters.
He's not some alien Sidious just picked up off the streets a few days ago...

Click to shrink...

It's a great story, please don't let the negativity bother you. Yes, losing an arm is a bit of a trope in Star Wars and maybe a little overused, but it does make sense in the story. Character growth alternatives, like Serra's death, might not have been viable because they'd thwart your plans for the narrative, and that's okay. Writers have to make choices in designing how the narrative works and there are situations where the choices all have tradeoffs.

You're a good author, and there are just always people who will be unreasonably unhappy.

 

[alec_potter]

Finally got to read the chapter. Been waiting for it since your announcement on Discord.

Really liked the way Serra fought. She was seriously outmatched but was able to hold off Maul for so long is really commendable, even if lot of luck ( plot armour) is involved.

Don't want to rehash the discussion on Maul/ Cam/ Cin's fighting ability or Cam losing hand. That's to an extent author's prerogative. But as fighting scenes go, Cam vs Gar was a much better fight, in terms of reading. Probably something you might want consider for future.

Next chapter should be fun, get to see the repercussions.