Amelia, Worm AU [Complete]

[dasstan]

Despite the frequent updates, Amelia seems disjointed and all over the place. It started great but gets bogged down in too many digressions and too many plot threads.

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That's sort of the point, though? It says as much in the author's statement in the beginning of the thread.

 

[Slayer Anderson]

Ack's fics are better.His stories flow more logically. Despite the frequent updates, Amelia seems disjointed and all over the place. It started great but gets bogged down in too many digressions and too many plot threads.

I don't know if this counts as constructive criticism but since TanaNari is such a dick I won't worry.

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I...think that's more of a writing style thing, which is a personal preference.

 

[J_Killcrazy]

...yes, my post was indeed a statement of my personal preference. I didn't realize I needed to point that out.

 

[TanaNari]

I didn't realize I needed to point that out.

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Need to? Not really. Although saying things like "is better" is a hard claim that implies an empirical position, not one of opinion. "I like better" is an opinion claim. So you should probably work on your phrasing if you wish to avoid attracting ire in the future.

But for it to be considered valid criticism, you have to focus not on personal preference, but on the work's intent and how well it achieves that intent.

Like if I'd posted this in the NSFW section, then a valid criticism would be "why isn't there any smut?"... I promised my story would be convoluted, schizophrenic and as "true to real life" as I could possibly make it. That there wouldn't be clean or easy answers very often. Sometimes there won't be answers at all. Not every (or often any) thing in life gets resolved cleanly.

Ergo: this story will not resolve things cleanly very often.

If you don't like that, then that is a valid opinion. But it is not valid criticism.

A valid criticism is whether or not I deliver on what I promised and the intent that went with it.

 

[The Shadowmind]

This will become relevant once TanaNari starts his...

INVASION OF THE RETRO-CLONES ARC!

Basically, the idea is that one of the Endbringers has the power to flash-clone people from the past as clones to create chaos in society.

After all, PHO has several VS debates that need answering and we can't leave them hanging, can we?

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There was a bio-manipulator Endbringer in Eden's future. That is about all the detail we got about it.

 

[doomlord9]

...yes, my post was indeed a statement of my personal preference. I didn't realize I needed to point that out.

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It's one of the failings of the internet, tone of voice and inflections are lost so anything said tends to come out as someone saying an absolute truth if it's not made clear that it's not somehow. I've taken to avoiding things like this by appending my posts that aren't meant to be taken seriously with things like /smartassery, /pedantry, ect in place of smilies so people get the right idea.

Also using IMHO(In My Humble Opinion) helps make serious posts clear that it's how you see things and not that you are trying to convince people that this is what they should think.

 

[tilkau]

To have Taylia or not have Taylia, that is the question!

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Uh, no. kenhikaru's question was about what sexuality Taylor chooses to have and why. There isn't a particularly compelling reason for Lisa to tell Taylor that her reasons are absurd, but nor does it appear to be directly related to the Taylia bond. It could be beneficial regardless of whether the bond is up or down.

 

[dasstan]

Hey, TanaNari, I doubt it's actually relevant to the story itself, but what parts of Avalon have been given over to Dragon? If it were a normal would, I would figure that she'd be given the relatively non-civilization friendly areas for her own development, but the fact that Yggdrasil effectively makes all the landmasses equally appealing nixes that.

 

[Snake/Eater]

i like that seeing that deep down,Missy is a bit conflicted about her arrangement,but I think she's trying to cope by taking a leaf out of Sabah's book by being the one in control of the relationship.i picked another classic song,this is Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" as covered by Postmodern Jukebox.(it goes with fact that they're going on a classy stroll on the town ).

EDIT:If you want to see this band live they are on tour this year,so check their website for when they are coming to your city.

 

[dasstan]

i like that seeing that deep down,Missy is a bit conflicted about her arrangement,but I think she's trying to cope by taking a leaf out of Sabah's book by being the one in control of the relationship.i picked another classic song,this is Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" as covered by Postmodern Jukebox.(it goes with fact that they're going on a classy stroll on the town ).

EDIT:If you want to see this band live they are on tour this year,so check their website for when they are coming to your city.

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Apropos? Maybe.

 

[TanaNari]

I doubt it's actually relevant to the story itself, but what parts of Avalon have been given over to Dragon?

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None, actually. Although she's working on chewing up the harsher parts of the Appalachians and Rockies. Not that there's much to be had in the former. Avalon's mountains managed to avoid the wear and tear of the last ice age, so they're bigger than ours, but it's still an old range. She mostly uses them for mining operations right now.

Was part of why she went for the nobility title instead of a sovereign state- she needed waaay too much space to grab all the good raw materials and couldn't afford to be held back by politics and land grab/spread. Easier for her to remain purely a business leader with an appropriate title to shield her from (inter)national politics on Avalon.

She's not shy about founding entire small countries at a time simply by making it clear she's providing a fuckton of jobs in an area mining and refining various resources.

i like that seeing that deep down,Missy is a bit conflicted about her arrangement,but I think she's trying to cope by taking a leaf out of Sabah's book by being the one in control of the relationship

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Thanks. I was hoping people would catch that.

 

[Daunmi]

(inter)national politics

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Ok, so how I understand it is that 'national' means dealing with things within a country level, international means dealing with things across multiple countries. If that's correct, is there a term for dealing with things across dimensions?

Dimenational?

 

[Godwinson]

Interdimensional, much like how international is used to describe certain kinds of businesses.

 

[Daunmi]

See, I was thinking interdimensional, but that refers more to the dimensions themselves, not the countries/business entities within them. It does work, it just seems ever so slightly off to me.

 

[dasstan]

See, I was thinking interdimensional, but that refers more to the dimensions themselves, not the countries/business entities within them. It does work, it just seems ever so slightly off to me.

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Well, seeing as how we're dealing with something that doesn't actually exist, the term for it would be up for grabs. Or we could just use the individual words themselves. Interdimensional politics. Politics dealing with things that cross dimensions.

 

[Daunmi]

Well, seeing as how we're dealing with something that doesn't actually exist, the term for it would be up for grabs. Or we could just use the individual words themselves. Interdimensional politics. Politics dealing with things that cross dimensions.

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Well... I guess you can do that. If you want to be boring and not make up words.

Really though, it's all just my opinion, thinking it should have a word, and that interdimensional doesn't sound right for it.

 

[Godwinson]

Does transdimensional suit your speshul-snowflake needs?

 

[Veronica Mars]

That's species, race is within the same species but different...phenotypes I think? The term that means an overall group with enough genetic drift to show distinct distinguishing features, like you would have a hard time mistaking a central European person with someone who is clearly Asian.

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Race is a social construct and has no actual basis in genetics.

From what i've been told, your random japanese dude is about as likely to have more genetic similarity with a random norwegian as with a random fellow japanese dude.

 

[dasstan]

Race is a social construct and has no actual basis in genetics.

From what i've been told, your random japanese dude is about as likely to have more genetic similarity with a random norwegian as with a random fellow japanese dude.

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I was kind of wondering how long it was going to take for that to come up.

 

[Godwinson]

Race is a social construct and has no actual basis in genetics.

From what i've been told, your random japanese dude is about as likely to have more genetic similarity with a random norwegian as with a random fellow japanese dude.

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Hilariously enough, I just talked about this (kinda) in the thread of a completely different Worm fanfic I'm following.

Actually, it is kinda possible, via Y-chromosomal haplogroup identification. Amusingly enough, it's less believable that they'd get a good DNA sample out of the blood, than that they couldn't isolate the patrilineal race once they had a good sample, because red blood cells lack nuclei and blood plasma lacks cells, so per-milliliter, blood is a terrible source for DNA.

EDITED for a quick and dirty source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Y-chromosome_DNA_haplogroup
Yes, yes, wiki, hiss, boo, it's good enough to get the stupid-simple-basic shit.

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You can identify someone's race by certain genetic markers with modern, real-life shit. No, it won't tell you their phenotype, but it's a wink and a nudge in the general direction.

 

[Ack]

Ack's fics are better.His stories flow more logically. Despite the frequent updates, Amelia seems disjointed and all over the place. It started great but gets bogged down in too many digressions and too many plot threads.

I don't know if this counts as constructive criticism but since TanaNari is such a dick I won't worry.

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Oy!

I'm enjoying the CRAP out of this fic. Do NOT spoil it for me with this sort of bitchiness.

I write what I write. TanaNari writes what he/she writes. Apples and oranges.

PS: I'm glad you enjoy my fics. Some don't. But please, take Amelia in the spirit that it's intended, and mine the same. Okay?

 

[Ack]

That's definitely true, but that's also caused by the the fact that very little happens in them.

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Wow, thanks.

Mind supporting that statement?

I...think that's more of a writing style thing, which is a personal preference.

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Exactly and precisely.

 

[dasstan]

Wow, thanks.

Mind supporting that statement?

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Not really the right thread for that avenue of discussion, though.

 

[Daunmi]

Spoiler: My two cents

That's definitely true, but that's also caused by the the fact that very little happens in them.

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Mind supporting that statement?

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Not really wanting to butt in here, but what he said wasn't really that insulting, so much as an assesment that, compared to Amelia (the story, not the character) your fics tend to include more slice of life (?) scenes and more... I want to say 'padding' but that's the wrong word and also kind of insulting. More stuff that's not directly action.

Take Security! for example. There's all the scenes that happen in Mike's house, which are usually story heavy, but not exactly action heavy. One of Amelia's first house scenes was a mind controlled suicide bomber. Mike goes to comfort Riley. Amelia (both the character and story name this time) challenges Jack for the leadership of the S9 and melts him with Crawler acid.

Or of course there's the scale/ramp/escalation. Amelia just went full throttle from word one. None of your fics (that I'm reading, which isn't all of them but is still most and how the hell do you keep them separate in your mind anyway?) are really dealing with things on the same direct confrontational level (your characters don't go out fighting Endbringers, aren't, for the most part, involving themselves in Scion (add in a 'yet' where appropriate), aren't responsible for the creation of a multidimensional world kerfuffle).

Neither approach is bad (unless you count opinions, which don't count), they're just different, and in Security!'s case they come up as less 'exciting' (although from my own point of view (which doesn't count I guess) I find Security! more suspenseful because of most of the above differences).

Of course, I could be completely wrong, and that's not what he meant, and to him your stories are lacking in 'things happening'. Then it just becomes an opinion.

Edit:

Not really the right thread for that avenue of discussion, though.

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Yeah, what he said. Spoilered so it doesn't clutter things up.

 

[cosoco]

Wow, thanks.

Mind supporting that statement?

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I'm sorry if I came across as rude. I've PM'd you with a clarification.

 

[Snake/Eater]

We need a writers(and readers ) philosophy and advice tread to discuss this.

 

[Peanuckle]

I wonder what Saint would make of this?

Dragon isn't usurping control and taking over, she's building a nation at the ground floor.

 

[TanaNari]

Preemptive Author's Note: minor to moderate spoilers for The Glass Menagerie. If you haven't seen... go do that... do it right now. It's a better use of your time than this story. Which will still be here when you get back. Unless this website dies.

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Amelia, Ch 259- Theo


The play was actually really good, as promised. I tried to focus more on it, but that was hard to do under the circumstances. This was only the fifth of what could be called 'dates' with Riley, and flat out the first done as a trio. My own 'issues' with 'Clarice' meant I wouldn't go on a date with the doll as an intermediary. And Riley and I both did our best to not be 'too friendly' around our home, for all kinds of reasons ranging from respecting Amelia to respecting Missy. And, of course, Zach's injury. The only one more dedicated to helping fix him was Emma.


My flimsy secret identity didn't help matters much, either. I still didn't comprehend how no one's gone public with a suspicion that the metal summoning parahuman working for Pantheon might possibly be Kaiser's son. A teenager that just happens to live on Pantheon's property, and also spends much of his time hanging out with two Pantheon members that don't have secret identities.


Might have something to do with the backlash that happened when Taylor's identity went public. I was led to understand that cost a few people their careers. However, if I were seen on anything obviously date-like with someone other than Missy, that might give the right gossip rag their chance to break that story without it biting their asses.


I tried to focus on the play again. I never really had a chance to experience theater much, before... Leviathan's attack, actually. My father found the art, well, he wouldn't have used the word 'gay' as an insult, if only because he could come up with something both more insulting and less vulgar, but he had nothing but contempt for art in general. He'd go when it was expected of him, and he was certainly educated enough to at least fake appreciation, but there was still that contempt. Then again, for Maximilian Anders, that was the default condition for all things.


I smiled and glanced down at Missy, snuggled firmly around my arm, watching the story play out while idly fiddling with my fingers. I could guess what my father would say. She was 'white' enough for his approval, but she wasn't exactly from a 'quality' family by his standards. He'd probably threaten me, he'd almost certainly threaten to harm her. That would not end well for him. The only thing that could stop me from skinning him alive would be if Missy beat me to it.


Riley was on the other side of Missy, watching the play with absolutely rapt attention. As far as I knew, this is the first time she'd ever been to a theater, and she was loving every second of it. Whether by subconscious cues, or by deliberate decision, she made sure Missy would get as much of my attention as possible tonight. I couldn't even imagine what my father would say about her. I liked to imagine pants wetting terror would be involved. If he tried to hurt her? Well, I'd have to skin him alive just to save him from what she would do.


The both of them, together? Well, the ass did have his own pair of girlfriends. Still didn't like how this... thing... with Missy and Riley reminded me of Fenja and Menja, but there wasn't much I could do about that. Missy made it very clear that she wouldn't allow herself to get between me and Riley, figuratively speaking. This was her 'solution', as unorthodox as it was. Not just for Riley's feelings, and Missy's own sense of integrity, but my feelings toward Clarice.


The feelings Dream Girl exploited were so effective because they were real. Distorted by removing my rational mind from the equation, but real. I never felt as strongly for Clarice as I do for Missy, but Riley wasn't Clarice. Or she wasn't only Clarice, at least. Clarice was an act, an idealization, what Riley wanted to be known as. Riley herself was more thoughtful, introspective, like Missy and myself.


By the time the play was over, Missy and I had managed to steal a few kisses, and Riley had either pretended to ignore us, or was truly so engrossed in the play that she didn't even notice.


"That was so good!" she declared the moment the curtain closed.


Missy smiled. "I know," she agreed, though she looked more sedate than Riley. We made our way out of the theater fairly quietly. There were just too many people to have a meaningful conversation, so it waited until we were in the car, going to dinner.


"I think this is the best Tennessee William's work I've ever seen. Sure, A Streetcar Named Desire was a more intense story, but this one is... it hits deeper. The characters are so easy to relate to, and it makes me think about things."


"Yeah," Missy agreed. "I think you're going to pick Tom for this one," she looked up at me. We often liked to compare our own situations to characters in the shows, so the odd context wasn't so odd for us. "The conflict between heritage and dreams of the future."


I shrugged. "Honestly, I think I'm more like Laura," I admitted. "Tom had an adventurous spirit to make his own way. Me, I just sorta... let things happen to me, y'know? I don't really go out and try to find my own place. That and there's no conflict for me. Tom felt guilty leaving behind his family and their traditions. With exception to Aster and Kayden, my heritage can go climb into the ovens they're so fond of."


"Honestly, I kinda wanted to slap Laura," Missy replied. "Not as much as her mother, though. God, what a bitch."


"She was scared," Riley replied. "Caught up in the past, full of ideas and rules that couldn't work anymore, and she didn't know how to adapt to a changing world. It's kinda like how society handles parahumans today. Or homosexuals a few years ago. When people are scared for a long time, they can use that to justify all kinds of horrible things."


She'd gotten quieter with each passing sentence. The last few words were barely a whisper. She knows better than almost anyone what horror truly is, in ways most people couldn't begin to imagine.


Missy put a hand on her arm, a show of comfort. Riley's smile was forced, but the look of gratitude was very real.


"It was still an ultimately positive story," I offered. "Laura came out of her shell, at least a little. I can picture her having a good life for herself, with some confidence that a lot of her fears were unfounded. Tom broke free and found his own way. His mistake was in trying to forget the past and escape his responsibilities, instead of accepting and moving forward. It's a good lesson for all of us to learn, right?"


"Yeah," Missy replied. "I think that's the problem I had with the story. Everyone was running away from everything, instead of actually dealing with the problem. Step one would have been to punch their mother in the head until the stupid stopped."


"Could you have done that, if it were your mother?" I asked. In the months I'd been dating Missy, I still had yet to actually meet her family. She avoided them, herself, for whatever reason as well.


"I probably should," she muttered. "But no, you're right, I don't think I could have."


"Maybe I should have picked a play with a happier lesson?" I suggested. "That was pretty stupid of me. I knew it was a good play, but this was my first time actually seeing it. Definitely not the most cheerful pick."


"No," Missy replied. "But I think it's better this way. There are no perfect answers, and pretending otherwise just makes for shit storytelling. Sometimes you just have to accept that. Embrace it, even. If The Glass Menagerie had a happy ending, I don't think it would have been nearly as good a story."


"It's nice to have happy endings, though," Riley argued. "I know it's not realistic, but it's nice to think about everything working out. Maybe not always, but sometimes at least?"


"Maybe not perfect endings, then, but at least positive ones," I suggested. "Striving to make things better than they were. Even if we have to do it in really strange ways, sometimes. I think that's something we can all agree on as reasonable and fulfilling."


"Yeah," Missy agreed. "Making things better."


"That sounds really good," Riley agreed. "Thanks for bringing me with."


"Any time," Missy insisted. "You're my best friend, you shouldn't have to thank me spend time with me. In fact, you should be doing it more often. It feels like you've been avoiding both of us a little."


"Maybe a little," Riley admitted. "I just. You've been so nice to me, and it feels wrong to take advantage of that."


"I'll tell you if you're taking advantage," Missy offered. "I know this whole thing is a little weird, but it's what makes sense for us. Maybe it's a 'powers' thing, that I'm used to seeing things in a different way than most people. When you can take ten places and make them exist in one thing at one time, well, you get used to the idea that rules are just basic guidelines to ignore whenever convenient."


"Yeah," I agreed, looking at both girls. Riley was smiling broadly, with an almost manic gleam in her eyes


"Missy," she started. "You are the smartest person ever."


"I know that look," Missy sighed. "I just gave you an Idea, capital 'I', right?"


Riley nodded energetically.


"And it means the dinner part of this date is canceled, but we're not going to complain in the slightest because it's that awesome?"


She nodded again.


Missy looked at me sheepishly. "Don't worry," I replied. "Wasn't anywhere too fancy. It was, after all, planned for the three of us."


================


A/N- *Now is torn between the next chapter will reveal the sudden brilliant idea... or it'll be a Sophia interlude like Slayer Anderson asked. So, y'know, blame him if you want to know what Riley just dreamt up.

 

[abyssmal_kismet]

Calling it: this idea will have something to do with Chevalier.

 

[CptTagon]

Can I preemptively blame Slayer Anderson? Because I'm really interested in seeing more of Riley and her ideas. Also, it's hard for me to see what Sophia's thoughts on Pantheon could be beyond rage that two people she disliked (Taylor and Missy) are now of international importance. And that just isn't nearly as amusing as watching Riley.