Amelia, Ch 274
When did I become a healer again? I wondered. Oh, right, when I was responsible for the injuries in the first place, as well as leaving three hundred thousand people homeless. Or dead, can't forget the ones that my orders killed.
Rey's medical training actually proved really useful, letting me affect professional doctor behavior, instead of the piss poor attempts at professionalism than I made as Panacea. I'd somehow managed to forget what it was like being Panacea, in those months I'd spent with Pantheon. The exhaustion and guilt were things I'd managed to leave behind. Good luck having that happen again.
"Okay, Ellen, you're all done," I told the child I'd been working on.
"I found her parents," Taylor told me over the suit. She's using her control override, not actually speaking, she must be really busy. "I'm already leading them to you, it'll be a few more minutes."
"You hear that?" I smiled at the girl, doing the best I could to mean it. "You'll be back together with your family soon."
"Yes," she agreed happily, entirely unaware that I was responsible for so much of her pain. That only served to make me feel worse. She was a cute kid, only six years old based on my admittedly inaccurate power's impression. Tall for her age, and surprisingly cheerful for someone who recently had an eight inch long piece of glass sticking out of her stomach.
That's one of ours, I reminded myself. That's an injury that would not have happened if we hadn't fired that damn weapon. One of many others like her, who were hurt or dead because we wanted to hurt an Endbringer more than we wanted to protect people.
....
"We can't repeat what happened today," I sighed, plopping down on my bed next to Taylor. "Never again." ConcernAgreementSupport. She reached over and rubbed my shoulders. There were advantages to her power, in that she didn't have to physically do work. I still did. The healing pods were good for some stuff, but only some. Surface injuries, like cuts and burns, were easiest for them. Internal damage more likely needed personal attention from me or one of our Tinkers.
And I didn't have the multitasking to handle multiple targets, not like Taylor did at least. Trying to heal two people at once was... well, mistakes could easily be made, some of them might take years to be noticed. Up to and including accidentally altering hormone productions to the wrong sex, or partially rewriting someone's DNA. All of which ultimately meant one thing. There was no shortcut for me to mass heal, because healing was not what my power was made to do.
"I know," she sighed. "We could make all kinds of arguments about how 'necessary' it was, how we needed to let the Endmakers know that we wouldn't allow them to manipulate us, we wouldn't give them the satisfaction. Or that we used the minimal force necessary to lethally attack the Endbringer. That the damage could have been worse, if it had managed to escalate to stage 6. Fuck, even if we didn't use Bolla, that stage five power would have guaranteed the death of the city. But you already know all that, and it's not any kind of comfort."
"And that's what really bothers me, Taylor," I rolled onto my stomach and she straddled my legs to get a good angle for her massage. She was actually physically restless, a counterpoint my exhaustion. "All the justification and excuses. When we started Pantheon, it was to get away from that sort of bullshit. To do the right thing instead of doing the useful thing. When did we forget about all that?"
HesitationConcern. "Leaving aside our reasons for allowing Bonesaw to live?" she asked. I frowned. Riley was- NegationRegret. "I didn't mean it like that. Don't get me wrong, it turned out to be the right choice, both pragmatically and morally. But your reasons were selfish."
I hesitated for a second. "Yeah, you're right," I admitted. "Fuck, for all our talk of making things better, of not being callous uncaring authorities... we're complete fucking hypocrites, aren't we?"
"We've still done a lot of good," Taylor insisted. "Maybe we bit off more than we could chew with the Endbringers. We couldn't have known that there were so many more of them that could exist. We couldn't have known they could be made so damn hard to kill." FrustrationHelplessnessHate. "Maybe we fucked up by kicking over the hornet's nest, but we did it with the best of intentions."
"Still doesn't really answer my question," my sigh turned into a moan as Taylor hit a sweet spot right under my shoulder blade.
"Scion," Taylor answered. "I think it was when we realized what Scion was."
"Yeah, that sounds about right," I admitted. "Things do sorta take a different context when we're talking the end of not just this world, but millions of others. Trillions of people." I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the little bit of tears I still had left out. "I don't want to be that person, Taylor. I don't want to be someone who can kill millions to save billions. I get that we can't save everyone, I get that we'll have to make choices to save some people instead of others. I don't like that, but I can blame it on the monsters we're fighting. But... what we did to Brockton Bay crossed the line. It wasn't necessary. It was us proving a point."
GuiltSupport. "You're right," she sighed. She leaned down and hugged me, as much as was possible in our current position. Her head rested on my back. "Wouldn't that just be the worst outcome? Save everyone, and then look back and decide it wasn't worth it?"
"Yeah," I sighed, trying not to focus too much on Taylor's body pressed against mine. Even if it could have led somewhere, I wasn't in a state to enjoy it. "What's even the point of fighting, if you have to give up everything you're fighting for in the process?" AgreementSupportLove.
"You always were the heart of this partnership," she nuzzled her face against my back.
"Me?" I scoffed. The things I've done.
"Yes, you," Taylor squeezed me. "God knows it's not me. You're the one who wants to save everyone. The one who makes me want to be a better person. I don't really want to think of who I'd be without you. It wouldn't be someone I liked."
"You're getting all sappy on me, Taylor," I pointed out.
"Yup," she answered. "Can't imagine I'd do that before meeting you, either. Speaking of charity cases who you've saved, guess what I just caught your little sister doing?"
"Uh oh," I muttered. "Please tell me it's not completely horrible."
"Well, only for Theo, I think," she chuckled. "And you, maybe. Remember that tech they were using to extrapolate Victoria's DNA based on her appearance?"
"Yeah," I replied.
"It works in reverse," Taylor replied. "Turns out, she's extrapolated a couple dozen possible offspring for herself. What particular combinations between her, Theo, and Missy might look like."
"Uh... I should probably have a talk with her about that one," I replied. "Missy and Theo, too."
"I already did. Turns out, she's made a bunch of them," Taylor informed me. "Emma and Zach, Rey and Rapture, and it comes as no surprise that she's done the two of us."
I blinked. Us. Taylor and I. PleasedWarmLove. "Wow, you really like that idea, don't you?" Taylor chuckled.
I blushed hard. "Maybe..." I reluctantly admitted. "I don't even want kids, and Riley's enough of a handful, but there's something about the idea. Can't help but think about it. Instincts, I guess."
"Yeah," Taylor sighed. Her emotional undercurrents were even a little disappointed, subtle enough that I wasn't even sure she noticed them. Did she want children? That's probably something we should talk about, some day.
"Who knows what things will be like in a few years, though," I amended. "I'd rather us not be role models for teen mothers. Plus, that's one of those things that'd have to wait until after Scion for us to even think about considering."
ReliefAgreement. I smiled. "That's what it all comes back to, doesn't it?" Taylor asked. "Scion, and what we're willing to sacrifice to stop him."
=================
A/N- The next chapter is partially written. And it makes me giggle.
god i'm evil.warning you might trigger with super powers....
