"Sshhhhhhh!" Uber shushes Leet. "What happened to 'kabuki ninja stagehand?"
"Ooops, sorry," Leet replies.
"You did it again!" Uber complains.
Leet nods, and Uber can apparently see it because the line of complaints is dropped.
"So," Uber comments, "We have two in favor of this being a play, and one against. By votes, this is clearly a play."
"But people shot me!" You grumble, walking towards an exit to the ship.. "I could have died!"
"Yes, but you didn't," Uber almost interrupts. "Sorry, standard answer to your complaint. We gave you powered armor and even warned you that we've got bosses on standby to salvage the situation. Yes, there was a chance of death, but it was small. You took no risks that we wouldn't have."
"But people shot me!" You insist.
"You could have run away," Uber points out. "I like that you didn't, though. Very in-character."
"Of course I couldn't run!" You argue. "I had a suit of powered armor with a stun weapon and there were a bunch of criminals there! And you said I couldn't run from Lung--"
"A boss fight, specifically a Torizo. Not Lung," Uber interrupts.
"Anyways, what would you expect me to do?" You finish.
"Call the PRT, staying in place to survey the scene until they arrived unless you felt too threatened, in which case run, using the buildings as cover. Incidentally, we're very glad you didn't do that. The PRT tends to regard our art poorly. Philistines."
"I…" It takes you a moment to figure out how to voice your thoughts. "So, you mean it's all a play because I was never in any danger?"
"Of course you were in danger!" Uber explodes at you over the radio. "But as purveyors of fine art, Leet and I did our best to mitigate the risk and maximize the odds of your safe survival while minimally damaging the work. It's a play because there's a script, which even a ragequit would stay on. If we weren't filming this but we still gave you a suit of powered armor, would you run across the city searching for powerups and occasionally fighting bosses and gangs?"
"Probably not," you admit. "So your conclusion is that it's just a very unsafe play?"
"Going back a point, you're wearing armor. It's probably as safe as everyday life in this city gets, with the extra safety balancing the extra risk."
"I give up," you concede. "It's a play, sure, why not."
You finally reach the water level. As when you first got to this ship, you immediately sink to the bottom of the water. The water here isn't very deep, so you were able to jump up going the other direction. Immediately, you notice a difference. Rather than being forced to sluggishly fight against the water, the suit aerodynamically allows the current to flow around and through it. Strangely, the water around you feels significantly less dense than you would expect, giving way as easily as air. You're a little worried that the suit could get trapped underwater, acting like an ocean of air.
"So, how does this gravity feature thing work?" You cautiously ask Uber.
"Gravity Suit. Gravity SUIT. Is the suit fucking purple or not? Did we make you wear stupid purple glowy bits on your chest? Gravity. Fucking. Suit," Uber rants.
You trudge towards the center of the bay in silence for a few minutes. It looks like the suit's upgrade has also added a new visor mode that cuts right through the murky depths as if it was surface water without using a spotlight that would give away your position.
"Got a report from IT," Uber speaks again. "It says, and I quote, 'The suit uses advanced microgravitic thrusters to simulate fluids of various densities as if they were air by reinforcing your movements to match those expectations. They have their own dedicated hardwired processor in the suit so their calculations don't impede normal functions. Rewiring it to provide stable flight would require more computational power than your suit can hold. Rewiring it to provide unstable flight can and should be trivially done with the addition of another chip, which would also add the thrusters but not the armor or programming for denser atmospheres such as liquids.'"
You chew on that for a few more minutes. "I don't know what that means," you finally settle on.
"I do, but that's because I'm Uber and you took too long to say anything about it. The physics check out, but humanity has no idea how to do artificial gravitics, much less program something to handle that, make storage dense enough to work for your suit, or handle matter-energy conversion so suit energy directly relates to durability. But Leet is pretty awesome, and he can do that stuff, and that's good enough for me."
The gamer duo seem to have made a maze in the middle of the bay. It lacks a roof, but the walls are still too high for you to leap. There's a pair of energy tanks around, plus another one in grey, labelled as a 'reserve' tank.
"It's just extra energy storage," Uber explicates. "We mostly kept them in because they were in the source material. In use, they might as well just be normal energy tanks."
You find a large room in in the maze -- though not the largest -- with ship wreckage all over it. The entryway seals behind you as you pass through it. Some giant seahorses with enormous yellow pouches pass by, burrowing into the sandy bottom of the bay, while a single turret on each of the four walls fire intermittently at you. You jog over to one of the turrets and examine it between shots. The construction is dangerously shoddy: wiring with no insulation, metal so thin you suspect your stun beam could damage it, and it fires so rarely and with such slow-moving shots that you wonder if it's even intended to do significant damage. You trace the power for the device through the wall, into the floor, and into a waterproofed car battery embedded into one of the other walls. You jog over and ready a mechanical-reinforced fist to punch through and destroy the battery when you're distracted by a GIGANTIC sea-horse-dragon-creature bursts out of the sand. It swims away, only to return while spitting out spiked balls. Draygon, you assume, corners you against the wall, grabs hold, and starts swimming around with you. You take the opportunity to analyze its structure as well, hoping to find weak points. Instead, the boss enemy seems to be made of a single uniform substance…
Photons? Why is Draygon made entirely of out photons? And how could that even hurt you? Why would your stun beam disrupt whatever it is? Is it actually an illusion, and the reason Leet has been hanging around the boss arenas because he's been using one of his devices to actually run the boss? Actually, that last part's almost definitely true; you just assumed he was manning a robot before.
"Hey, you know what Draygon is weak against?" Uber's voice sounds in your ear. "Grapple Beam! Guess what you never found because you cleared an entire zone at a time instead of going back and forth!"
You quickly struggle free from Draygon's grip, shooting a charged shot at it. The shot hits its bright yellow belly, which flashes as it takes damage, whatever that means for a being made entirely of light. At least you know how to hurt it.
You trade shots with it for a while, its spikes and melee attacks against your charged stunners. After a few passes, you figure out when and how to jump its melee attacks. After that, it's only a matter of time until you successfully beat it.
The door that you came in stays sealed after your victory, though. A way opens through the opposite wall, so you cross through. There you find yet another of those Chozo statues that Uber and Leet made. Hmm, there's more than one, so it was probably Uber unless they're substantially different or have electronics inside. You call Structural Analysis to mind to find out that this statue, at least, is wired, based around the same claw that holds a powerup. Its power source is entirely internal, this time three car batteries in series.
You stop stalling and grab the powerup, a ball with a pair of straight horns. It registers in your suit as 'Space Jump'. A closer inspection of the statue's claws indicates that it can directly attach to the suit's morph ball mode. When you allow it to do so, it conveniently recharges all your energy.
"With the protection provided by the Gravity Suit and the mobility of the Space Jump, our heroine finally has the ability to get revenge on the fearsome Ridley, who killed both her birth and adoptive parents, then kidnapped the Metroid that treats her as a mother. It is Ridley who has stolen all the family our heroine has ever had, and it is Ridley that knocked our wonderful actress through a wall and dropped her five stories at the start of the stream. Come check it out on Youtube after the stream is over, and be sure to like and subscribe if you want to see more like this. I know I do!" Uber advertises.
You check the original door to the boss lair. It's still closed. "So, how do I get out of here?" You ask.
"Shant tell you," Uber replies. "Half the fun is figuring out how to use your gear to overcome challenges."
You decide to start with figuring out what Space Jump does. The door thing is probably a measure to ensure you grab it. You start by jumping, testing if it takes you any higher. It doesn't. You then test the second jump-related powerup you've heard about from games, and try to have the suit jump while still in the air. You don't exactly have leverage, but it seems to work anyways. You try again before hitting the ground. It keeps working. It keeps working for the next dozen jumps, and only stops then because you land on top of one of the walls of the maze. The maze then becomes trivial. You check around for more powerups, only finding one that grants you the useful ability to jump while in ball form (but only once, even with Space Jump).
Looks like it's time to fight a skeletal dragon in the territory held by Nazis, unless there's a better plan.
[x] Ridley/E88/On top of a skyscraper downtown. (DEFAULT)
[ ] Sequence break for Mother Brain/Somewhere in the nice and safe part of town.
[ ] Pause for safety and go home.
[ ] Other (Write In)