Cosmos Quest (Naruto/Lupin III)

[Jack Trade]

[X] Drop your two henge dramatically. "Oh, Ibiki-san, put those scars away. Don't you know if you use the same pickup line every time women'll get bored with you?"

Let the mindfucking begin.

 

[Selias]

[X] Drop your two henge dramatically. "Oh, Ibiki-san, put those scars away. Don't you know if you use the same pickup line every time women'll get bored with you?"

 

[uju32]

Yeah, I think being coy and having a proctor supposedly subordinate to Ibiki outright insult the man makes it pretty painfully obvious we aren't what we seem. If Ibiki doesn't outright call us out on this, people will remember us and probably keep an eye on us. We're the odd man/woman out of all the proctors now. A smooth rejoinder seems unlikely.

Click to shrink...

That's not an insult.
It's ribbing; the sort coworkers exchange .
At worst, it's impertinence, coming from a genin.

We didn't summon Menka, he just hangs around us. Same as he would if we hadn't signed the contract, and same as Akamaru hangs around Kiba. I'm not too worried on that score.

Click to shrink...

Akamaru is a nin-dog, and explicitly smarter than normal animals.
And it's common knowledge that he is.
Menka's status is not.

So if a cat was sitting in our place, the conventional wisdom is that it did the writing.
Gaara at least will be able to tell.
And it leads thoughts down paths we would rather they not go.

Kankuro's puppet didn't call attention to itself by ripping on Ibiki, and Ibiki called Kankuro out for his doll play anyway.

Click to shrink...

Called him out on it, in a way that Kankuro noticed, but none of the other contestants did.
Note how they were still surprised he turned out to be a puppet user during the exam.

Ask yourself: if we insult Ibiki, what will he do in response?
My guess is, "Not let sleeping dogs lie." Because goddamn, getting called out by your own proctor? He either rolls with the joke, best case, or he fires right back.

Click to shrink...

Not an insult.
And I do expect him to fire back, but this is Ibiki; he is entirely capable of forgoing petty irritants.
I mean, Tenten just called him a sadist here!
Or look at his interaction with canon!Anko.

And it's almost as important to see who catches his drift as who doesn't, assuming he chooses to tweak Ino's nose here.

 

[iamnuff]

[X] Drop your two henge dramatically. "Oh, Ibiki-san, put those scars away. Don't you know if you use the same pickup line every time women'll get bored with you?"

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

That's not an insult.
It's ribbing; the sort coworkers exchange .
At worst, it's impertinence, coming from a genin.

Click to shrink...

Also seems rather out of character with the general demeanor of the proctors before. Especially if the rest of the proctors in the room start looking at us with the expression, "Did you seriously just do that?"

Akamaru is a nin-dog, and explicitly smarter than normal animals.
And it's common knowledge that he is.
Menka's status is not.

So if a cat was sitting in our place, the conventional wisdom is that it did the writing.
Gaara at least will be able to tell.
And it leads thoughts down paths we would rather they not go.

Click to shrink...

That Menka is smarter and more capable than he appears, most likely. Although let's be honest, who would bring a useless pet into the exams anyway? People probably already suspect Menka is special somehow.

Called him out on it, in a way that Kankuro noticed, but none of the other contestants did.
Note how they were still surprised he turned out to be a puppet user during the exam.

Click to shrink...

True.

Not an insult.
And I do expect him to fire back, but this is Ibiki; he is entirely capable of forgoing petty irritants.
I mean, Tenten just called him a sadist here!
Or look at his interaction with canon!Anko.

Click to shrink...

Calling Ibiki out on his exam and the nature thereof seems like something he actually wants to happen. I'm unsure how he'd feel about us just taking the piss right now. He's trying to make a point.

And it's almost as important to see who catches his drift as who doesn't, assuming he chooses to tweak Ino's nose here.

Click to shrink...

Maybe, but people noticing that we've got something to hide isn't good either.

And at this point I think it's safe to say we've identified the professionals and people to watch out for. It sounds like aiming for a benefit we've probably already got.

 

[Guile]

What do you guys think, does ibiki have a sense of humor about his horrible torture scars? Y/N?

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Well, he is Head of T&I and probably hands our similar scars to others quite often. It would not surprise me if he was rather blasé about the whole thing.

I mean, if they were a sore subject for him, he's certainly in an odd profession.

Could go a number of ways, I suppose, but Furiko apparently views him as a having something of an uncle-y demeanor to him when he's not playing up his badassitude. My main worry would be us ruining Ibiki's pearl of wisdom.

 

[uju32]

Also seems rather out of character with the general demeanor of the proctors before. Especially if the rest of the proctors in the room start looking at us with the expression, "Did you seriously just do that?"

Click to shrink...

Huh?
Which ones?
The ringers who started smiling when Ibiki revealed people had passed?
The overt proctors who were jacking up people against the wall with one hand in their pocket and a smug smile on their face?
The ones who henged as genin to fuck with people at a faked exam entrance?

That Menka is smarter and more capable than he appears, most likely. Although let's be honest, who would bring a useless pet into the exams anyway? People probably already suspect Menka is special somehow.

Click to shrink...

Suspect =/=know.

Calling Ibiki out on his exam and the nature thereof seems like something he actually wants to happen. I'm unsure how he'd feel about us just taking the piss right now. He's trying to make a point.

Click to shrink...

Again, re-read the Chuunin Exam Arc.
Dude is much mellower than his actual in-exam demeanor suggests.

And the exam is over, at least his portion is.
This is him giving a talk while waiting for the next examiner.

Maybe, but people noticing that we've got something to hide isn't good either.

Click to shrink...

Everyone does man.
That's the default assumption.

And at this point I think it's safe to say we've identified the professionals and people to watch out for. It sounds like aiming for a benefit we've probably already got.

Click to shrink...

We'll have to agree to disagree.

Note, my biases tend to be towards subtlety anyway.
But Vin's option allows me to indulge both my impulses, towards flamboyance and subtlety.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Huh?
Which ones?
The ringers who started smiling when Ibiki revealed people had passed?
The overt proctors who were jacking up people against the wall with one hand in their pocket and a smug smile on their face?
The ones who henged as genin to fuck with people at a faked exam entrance?

Click to shrink...

I was thinking the proctors against the wall.

Suspect =/=know.

Click to shrink...

It's so obvious that confirmation does nothing but make it official. Against anyone whom the element of surprise would matter, they're already on guard. The difference is practically academic at this point. The cat can Henge. That's it.

Hell, we might get more mileage out of Menka no longer being on our shoulder when we enter the Forest and tricking people into thinking he was a one-off trick we aren't bringing with us into a war-zone.

Again, re-read the Chuunin Exam Arc.
Dude is much mellower than his actual in-exam demeanor suggests.

Click to shrink...

Uh, I am aware of this. The extent of this mellowness, I am unsure of.

Everyone does man.
That's the default assumption.

Click to shrink...

Let me rephrase: we have something specific related to what we were just doing that we want to hide. Whereas being blatant makes gears grind to a halt.

We'll have to agree to disagree.

Note, my biases tend to be towards subtlety anyway.
But Vin's option allows me to indulge both my impulses, towards flamboyance and subtlety.

Click to shrink...

Eh. I think subtlety gets thrown out the window if we indulge in flamboyance here because we're in the role of proctor. And I'm getting the feeling that Lupino here is more disposed towards causing chaos and bedlam, and then doing sneaky stuff under the said cover, than just being straight up sneaky.

And I am now on the lookout for opportunities to convince Gaara to play along with our scheme, because it's entertaining.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Although in the interest of fairness, I do have to concede that being a braggart probably isn't the kind of behavior higher-ups want to see in their shinobi. So if this happens, I should hope Ino has multiple motives for this. Mindfuck, chaos, and sowing confusion and otherwise taking advantage of the impression she makes oughta be deducible. Ego can be part of the reason, but it shouldn't be all of it.

If it that really is the kind of person we are.

 

[Vindictus]

Being flamboyantly subtle is the best sort of subtlety, because nobody expects flamboyance to be subtle.

... That made more sense before I typed it.

 

[The Nobody]

If write-ins are allowed,

[x] Discreetly sneak to your place next to Gaara, then do the "pickup line" line.

Because being witty is being in-character. If write-ins are not okay...

[x] Do the "pickup" line.

 

[FurikoMaru]

[X] The coldest blood runs through my veins

Time to make an entrance.

"Oh, Ibiki-san, put those scars away," you scold good-naturedly in your own voice. "Don't you know if you use the same pickup line every time women'll get bored with you?"

There is a small pop of smoke as you and Menka return to your normal selves. As one, the proctors brandish various weapons in your face - all genuinely surprised, if you're any judge, and all, for a brief moment, completely willing and ready to kill you if necessary. A moment later they relax, though a few of them don't look too pleased that you managed to infiltrate them unnoticed.

If the chuunin were surprised, the vast majority of the genin are dumbstruck. Oh, god damn it, this is probably the only chance you're ever going to get to see three Kiri-nin caught flat-footed and you don't have a camera!

Tenten has her palms up, her fingers clawed, and her jaw hanging open; small, slightly strangled noises of mixed outrage and confusion are emanating from her throat.

The flare of annoyance a still-stoic Neji gives off lets you know the only thing he's shocked at is the fact that your desire to show off outweighs your common sense.

Gaara finally bursts into laughter. "You Konoha girls are really somethin' else," he says.

Kiba has a shit-eating grin on his face, and Ami seems to be unable to decide between being proud and being, once again, embarrassed by your apparently-uncontrollable compulsion to tease adults. Shikamaru and Chouji just shake their heads at their desks, quietly chuckling.

Interestingly, the little girl on the Oto team is smiling at you, and from all indications it's genuine. Genuinely happy, and genuinely not 'oh I'm gonna have fun with you~', which Gaara has going full blast.

You smile back, and wink; she giggles and turns her eyes back to the front of the room. Even prodigies are still kids.

"Why is a genin allowed to be a proctor?!" Tenten finally manages.

"Idiot," Temari scowls, "she must have replaced one of the real ones at some point."

You're about to tease everyone that maybe you did and maybe you didn't, when a gorgeous woman in mesh and not much else crashes in through the window at jounin speed.

[X] "THANK YOU PÈRE NÖEL I KNEW YOU WERE REAL!" *glomp*

[X] Aww, she killed the momentum of your big reveal. >: < How inconsiderate of her!

[X] Write-in

 

[mkire]

[X] "THANK YOU PÈRE NÖEL I KNEW YOU WERE REAL!" *glomp*

 

[MrGazzer]

[X] "THANK YOU PÈRE NÖEL I KNEW YOU WERE REAL!" *glomp*

 

[Selias]

[X] "THANK YOU PÈRE NÖEL I KNEW YOU WERE REAL!" *glomp*

 

[uju32]

[X] The coldest blood runs through my veins

Click to shrink...

You Know My Name - Chris Cornell, from the Casino Royale OST.
Mission Impossible would have been a better fit; they do the disguise/face mask thing.
Bond just breaks stuff.

There is a small pop of smoke as you and Menka return to your normal selves. As one, the proctors brandish various weapons in your face - all genuinely surprised, if you're any judge, and all, for a brief moment, completely willing and ready to kill you if necessary.

Click to shrink...

They ALL missed it?
Huh.

If the chuunin were surprised, the vast majority of the genin are dumbstruck. Oh, god damn it, this is probably the only chance you're ever going to get to see three Kiri-nin caught flat-footed and you don't have a camera!

Click to shrink...

Lol.
Confirmed: no sensors on the Mist team.
Either that, or they're uncommonly good actors.

Tenten has her palms up, her fingers clawed, and her jaw hanging open; small, slightly strangled noises of mixed outrage and confusion are emanating from her throat.

Click to shrink...

Aww, we broke Tenten >

Interestingly, the little girl on the Oto team is smiling at you, and from all indications it's genuine. Genuinely happy, and genuinely not 'oh I'm gonna have fun with you~', which Gaara has going full blast.

Click to shrink...

Interesting.
Since when did Sound raise functional children?
That's an intriguing bit of intelligence.

"Why is a genin allowed to be a proctor?!" Tenten finally manages.
"Idiot," Temari scowls, "she must have replaced one of the real ones at some point."

Click to shrink...

Okay, they are not going to be friends are they?
;D

 

[TheOtherSandman]

[X] "THANK YOU PÈRE NÖEL I KNEW YOU WERE REAL!" *glomp*

 

[uju32]

Oh, and I forgot to vote

[X] "THANK YOU PÈRE NÖEL I KNEW YOU WERE REAL!" *glomp*
[x]Sticky fingers yo; if we're fast she might miss us going through her pockets.

It may not have worked with Asuma when you first met, but your hands are much faster now

 

[FurikoMaru]

You Know My Name - Chris Cornell, from the Casino Royale OST.
Mission Impossible would have been a better fit; they do the disguise/face mask thing.
Bond just breaks stuff.

Click to shrink...

Except handcuffs, if Goldfinger is anything to go by. XD There's really no contest between him and Lupin, even before you factor in the Goemon-and-Jigen advantage.

Aw, but Lupin would make an awesome Bond villain.

They ALL missed it?
Huh.

Click to shrink...

None of them are sensors and you're a creepily convincing actress.

Aww, we broke Tenten >

Click to shrink...

Oh, she's made of sterner stuff than that. You just sprained her on the dismount.

 

[uju32]

Except handcuffs, if Goldfinger is anything to go by. XD There's really no contest between him and Lupin, even before you factor in the Goemon-and-Jigen advantage.
Aw, but Lupin would make an awesome Bond villain.

Click to shrink...

Problem being, Bond villains invariably lose.

And given that there are suggestions that Bond-san swings both ways these days, not even Lupin's crew would be safe from Bond's social attacks.
That would be an amusing sight though, the Lupin crew playing Bond-girls ;D

None of them are sensors and you're a creepily convincing actress.

Click to shrink...

And so the legend of the crazy witchlady of the Yamanaka grows....
Does make Ibiki even more awesome for figuring it out even before we thought up the plan.

Oh, she's made of sterner stuff than that. You just sprained her on the dismount.

Click to shrink...

Heh.
Must have been a bad shock for her to miss the proctors all drawing weapons.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Mwahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!

Worth it. Tooooootally worth it.

Being more entertaining to Gaara alive than dead is a place worth working towards. And hey, little Sound girl likes us and I'll bet dollars to donuts she's the most dangerous person on the team.

You know it's a shame Anko doesn't wear a bra, stealing hers would be hilarious.

 

[FurikoMaru]

Problem being, Bond villains invariably lose.

And given that there are suggestions that Bond-san swings both ways these days, not even Lupin's crew would be safe from Bond's social attacks.
That would be an amusing sight though, the Lupin crew playing Bond-girls ;D

Click to shrink...

*click* "I don't like what you're implying there, kid."

-_- "Such things are impossible between men."

"Grandpa always said Englishmen are for fucking over, not fucking. Now if it were Jacobine Bond..."

^_^ "I wouldn't mind."

"But Fujicakes!"

"At least Bond doesn't slobber over every woman he meets like some sort of horny farm animal!"

Also, Lu-chan, I'm pretty much damn near positive dear Issei-sama wouldn't swear in front of you.

"Hey, who ya gonna trust, Leblanc writing up the clean version, or someone the man actually raised?"

._. ... you're seriously trying to argue that a felon is more trustworthy than the author who...? No, no, you're right, I can't finish that sentence with a straight face, I've known too many writers. -_-;

"Told ya." ^_^

 

[iamnuff]

[X] Aww, she killed the momentum of your big reveal. >: < How inconsiderate of her!

 

[Vindictus]

[X] "THANK YOU PÈRE NÖEL I KNEW YOU WERE REAL!" *glomp*

Christmas in fucking july, eh?

 

[FurikoMaru]

[X] Did you really expect any other outcome?

"Settle down, rugrats!" the woman... nay, the vision shouts dramatically. As you sit up, rubbing your aching jaw and trying to ignore the laughter around you, you see that her name is written on a banner that has unfurled behind her.

Mitarashi Anko... You smile dreamily. What a delicious handle~!

"Forty-eight?" she asks Ibiki. "16 teams? You sure?"

"We've got some exceptional talent this year," he confirms.

Anko shrugs. "Oh well. The Forest should cut that number in half easy."

As you follow her out of the room with the rest of the chuunin hopefuls, you hear Gaara's voice in your ear.

"Hey, henge-girl. Do me a favour, next time use Kankuro's voice, will ya? He's the creepy doll-collector, not me."

You look behind you, but Gaara isn't there. Turning back towards the exit, you see him further up the line, smirking at you.

Damn. He's gonna be a heartbreaker when he's older, you can tell.

[X] Leave it. Apparently good-humoured or not, you don't wanna turn the nice monster-boy's mood sour with an accidental offence.

[X] Utsusemi him back. "Hey, you should be more supportive of your brother! Whatever a grown shinobi and his fully-articulated wooden wife get up to in the privacy of their own home is entirely their own business. Who're we to judge?"

=

Training Ground #44.

Whelp. There go your chances of having a victory dinner with Sasuke tonight.

"I know this place," Ami says, looking faintly sick. "Dad's friends have an agreement with the Hokage that lets them dump undesirables in here for a nominal fee."

"Then I bet they'll piss themselves when they hear you walked out of it without a scratch on ya," Kiba says confidently, slapping her on the back.

Ami grimaces, but some of the colour and determination comes back into her face.

"Welcome to Training Ground #44," Anko announces to all and sundry with gleeful morbidity. "Also known as the Forest of Death."

"Sounds cozy," Gaara remarks.

"Oh, you have no idea," she replies cheerfully. "You should see it in the spring. The toxic slime on the Madara birch leaves glows really beautifully in the sunset, if you can get to the top branches without going into anaphylactic shock."

... how is she so scary and so hot at the same time?! My libido is confused!

Ami's sharp elbows catch you in the shoulder and Kiba in the chest. "Stop ogling her and listen to what she's saying," she hisses.

The second test is much more geared toward Kiba and Ami's specialities than the last one; it's a survival game/battle royale over dummy intel, a pair of scrolls. They're to be handed out in private so no one knows which team has which scroll, and then everyone has to go to their assigned gate to wait for permission to enter the training ground. You pass or fail as a team, you're not allowed to look inside the scrolls, and you have to reach the tower in the middle of the Forest within five days.

You have a little time before Team 5 gets their turn in the scroll-hut. What would you like to do until then?

[X] Write-in

 

[Selias]

[X] Utsusemi him back. "Hey, you should be more supportive of your brother! Whatever a grown shinobi and his fully-articulated wooden wife get up to in the privacy of their own home is entirely their own business. Who're we to judge?"
[X] Steal a bunch of scrolls, replacing them with something of similar size, shape, and weight until you get the one you need. If you can't do that, observe the competition.

I figure that if canon Naruto had similar scrolls on him, Ino should have a few, right?

 

[The Nobody]

[x] Smile charmingly at Gaara.
=====
[x] Try to steal another scroll when you receive yours.
And / Or
[x] Form an alliance with one of the other teams.
I'd vote for Team Nurses, but maybe those more tactically-inclined players would have a better suggestion. Also, as tempting as it would be, it's not yet the time to confess love to Miss Mitarashi, let's observe her a bit longer.

Unrelated, being somewhat of a Bond fan, I'm upset that it was Uju and not yours truly who guessed the song. Oh well, different time-zones.

 

[uju32]

[X] Did you really expect any other outcome?
*snip*
"Settle down, rugrats!" the woman... nay, the vision shouts dramatically. As you sit up, rubbing your aching jaw and trying to ignore the laughter around you, you see that her name is written on a banner that has unfurled behind her.
Mitarashi Anko... You smile dreamily. What a delicious handle~!

Click to shrink...

Perfect.
Not only from a comic viewpoint, but a tactical one as well; getting knocked into a wall like that does great in getting people to view us as a lesser threat.

As you follow her out of the room with the rest of the chuunin hopefuls, you hear Gaara's voice in your ear.
"Hey, henge-girl. Do me a favour, next time use Kankuro's voice, will ya? He's the creepy doll-collector, not me."
You look behind you, but Gaara isn't there. Turning back towards the exit, you see him further up the line, smirking at you.
Damn. He's gonna be a heartbreaker when he's older, you can tell.

Click to shrink...

Player alert!

... how is she so scary and so hot at the same time?! My libido is confused!

Click to shrink...

Lol.
Happens to the best of us lady.

[X]Utsusemi him back
Kankuro is always the buttmonkey; no need to change that now

[X]Plan a heist
In canon, there were only chuunin in the scroll hut.
And you can be pretty sure these were made in excess of requirements, as they couldn't have known how many would pass the first test.
Ami has been a partner in multiple heists, and Menka is your childhood companion; between the five of you(+Menka+Akamaru), you should manage to pull off something.

Even better, if you can get Team Shika to run interference with Anko outside the scroll hut when it's your turn to go in, you might manage to lift enough for two or more teams.


********************
16 teams.
Team Nurse, Team Shika, Team Lee, Team Ino.
Team Mist and Team Sound.
Team Kusa(with the nervous sensor).

That leaves 9 unknown teams.

Unrelated, being somewhat of a Bond fan, I'm upset that it was Uju and not yours truly who guessed the song. Oh well, different time-zones.

Click to shrink...

I'mma let you finish, but Goldfinger had the best Bond soundtrack of all time.
Followed closely by Goldeneye.

 

[iamnuff]

Can we use a mask/henge to disguise ourself as a member of another team, then take their scroll right from the hut?

probably shouldn't have shown off our henge this early in the game.


dammit.