Deleted. If you still want to read this message me and I will send you the story.
It's not...
It's not...
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Embossed Silver (Dresden Files/Worm) Self Insert
- Thread starter Leanansidhe
- Start date
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- Tags
- crossover dresden files worm
- Created at
- Index progress
- Hiatus
- Watchers
- 60
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- 0
- Threadmarks
- 2
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Statistics (2 threadmarks, 33 words)
User Total Leanansidhe 2 Threadmarks Reader mode
1.1
Leanansidhe
Getting out there.
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2015
- Messages
- 16
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- 100
Deleted. If you still want to read this message me and I will send you the story.
It's not that great and really not worth reading.
It's not that great and really not worth reading.
Last edited:
TimelordLucario
Professional Lurker
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- Apr 26, 2016
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Work on some paragraphs, why dont'cha?
Prince Charon
Just zis guy, you know?
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2014
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- 40,496
The paragraphs are there, they just don't seem to be separated (which has prevented me from reading it).
Leanansidhe
Getting out there.
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2015
- Messages
- 16
- Likes received
- 100
Is this better? Thanks for pointing that out. I don't know why I didn't notice.
1.2
Leanansidhe
Getting out there.
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2015
- Messages
- 16
- Likes received
- 100
Deleted. Same as before.
Last edited:
Prince Charon
Just zis guy, you know?
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Quite possibly.
Leanansidhe
Getting out there.
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2015
- Messages
- 16
- Likes received
- 100
He arrived at that conclusion, yes.
Ack
(Verified Ratbag) (Unverified Great Old One)
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Just a few minor nitpicks.
'denarii' is plural. 'denarius' is singular. Latin, you know. (a bit of trivia: in the old form of pounds/shilling/pence, pennies were represented by 'd', which did indeed stand for 'denarius').
'terminal velocity' specifically refers to a falling object, at the point where air resistance prevents further downward acceleration. A bullet travelling laterally is not in free fall.
Apart from that, nicely started. However, the overall problem is that the protagonist seems to be uncaring about basically everything. There's no personality showing through, nothing for us to latch on to and relate to. But I will be watching to see where this goes.
'denarii' is plural. 'denarius' is singular. Latin, you know. (a bit of trivia: in the old form of pounds/shilling/pence, pennies were represented by 'd', which did indeed stand for 'denarius').
'terminal velocity' specifically refers to a falling object, at the point where air resistance prevents further downward acceleration. A bullet travelling laterally is not in free fall.
The commas make it much more readable.
This sentence doesn't quite work right. Perhaps 'symbol' rather than 'symbols'? Also, a comma after 'hourglass' would make it more readable.
Typo.
Apart from that, nicely started. However, the overall problem is that the protagonist seems to be uncaring about basically everything. There's no personality showing through, nothing for us to latch on to and relate to. But I will be watching to see where this goes.
Leanansidhe
Getting out there.
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2015
- Messages
- 16
- Likes received
- 100
Thanks for the advice, I'll correct those errors sometime today.
I was kind of intending the SI to come across as mildly shell shocked and apathetic, at least at the story's beginning.
