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MagicianX26
Embodiment of the Dead Princess
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- Jul 20, 2017
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How about RPs?
CptTagon
Prolific Writer
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- Jul 26, 2014
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MagicianX26
Embodiment of the Dead Princess
- Joined
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Well, how often do you have players drop the ISS on Berlin as their opening move?
(TBH, I am GMing a PvP heavy game)
(TBH, I am GMing a PvP heavy game)
Lucky-38
On the house.
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2015
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- 55,282
Okay, so I was playing a radiance game with my friends as an Elementalist.
We were underground, having trekked our way down here to survey for artifacts and valuable minerals. We were finding a good number of statues, and it was very promising...until we came up to an area with a massive, apparently bottomless pit, and one of the statues came to life. Now, one of our group members is a religious zealot, and immediately attacked the imp. The little demon survived, and winged off down the pit, yelling that we would curse the day we crossed it.
Standard setting up a future antagonist or plot thread, right? Well, I nudged the DM. "Hey, how wide is the pit?"
"'Bout...15 feet wide?"
"Awesome, I cast Wall of Stone."
Wall of Stone creates a foot thick, 10x10 foot wall. I summoned it in midair over the pit.
"...You hear a scream descending into the distance, followed by a quiet squishing noise."
We were underground, having trekked our way down here to survey for artifacts and valuable minerals. We were finding a good number of statues, and it was very promising...until we came up to an area with a massive, apparently bottomless pit, and one of the statues came to life. Now, one of our group members is a religious zealot, and immediately attacked the imp. The little demon survived, and winged off down the pit, yelling that we would curse the day we crossed it.
Standard setting up a future antagonist or plot thread, right? Well, I nudged the DM. "Hey, how wide is the pit?"
"'Bout...15 feet wide?"
"Awesome, I cast Wall of Stone."
Wall of Stone creates a foot thick, 10x10 foot wall. I summoned it in midair over the pit.
"...You hear a scream descending into the distance, followed by a quiet squishing noise."
Dakkaface
Magical Defender of Justice
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2014
- Messages
- 2,412
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- 19,569
Hey why not. I have a ton of stories, and most of them are scattered around. Let's lead off with my favorite moment of dickery from one of my friends.
Back in the day City of Heroes was the best and only superhero MMORPG around. Just after launch, when it still brand new and fresh, the Pocket D nightclub didn't exist. So the primary place to do open roleplay was Atlas Park. Atlas Park was a starting zone - available to all right after the tutorial, so players could pop out a character, and immediately run them down to the park and start roleplaying. Combining this with a publicly viewable biography field where you could write your own backstory lead to quite a few characters like the 'ancient eldritch horror, destroyer of universes bound into a vampire body and more powerful than the sun,' that was only security level 2 and would get his shit wrecked by a few pistol-toting gang members. My friend and I tried to break into the scene and were met with a cavalcade of these wankers who wanted to throw around their power without actually doing the work of leveling to be powerful. To the point where they were declaring actions like throwing my buddy's hulking robot into a stream. We decided this would not stand, but it was my friend who did all the hard work. For the next week, my buddy's hulking robot stood just outside the circlejerk of roleplayers in Atlas Park with the sign rating emote on, with the AFK message 'Days till the end' on. Each day the sign emote counted down. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.
Now, City of Heroes had a couple of nice features. When a quest giver trusts you enough, he or she will give you their contact information, so if you want to turn in a quest or get a new one, you no longer have to physically visit them, but can just call their cell phone or whatever. Another interesting feature is that every so often, turning in a quest or trying to talk to a contact will result in them warning you of an impending ambush. When this happens, several enemy mobs of the correct faction and level for the quest are spawned somewhere on the map you are in, and make a beeline for you specifically.
So on the Day of the End, he called his contact, and triggered a high level Malta ambush. And a troop of giant robots sprinted across Atlas Park to get to him. The only things standing in the way... were the low-level wankers. He let the robots open up with their long range abilities and the resulting carnage looked something like this, except the targets were under level 10 instead of in the mid 40's, and instead of one GIANT bot it was a slightly smaller robot and a bunch of other bots slightly smaller than that bot. They were high enough level that they wouldn't auto-aggro on the weakling RPers, but that didn't stop the splash damage from hitting them, or stop them from retaliating if the fools fought back.
After tanking an attack or three, my friend quickly super-jumped into Perez Park to lose aggro and leave the robots stomping around on the low level 'gods' which were now largely dead or fleeing.
Me, I just stood there watching and laughed. Via emote.
Back in the day City of Heroes was the best and only superhero MMORPG around. Just after launch, when it still brand new and fresh, the Pocket D nightclub didn't exist. So the primary place to do open roleplay was Atlas Park. Atlas Park was a starting zone - available to all right after the tutorial, so players could pop out a character, and immediately run them down to the park and start roleplaying. Combining this with a publicly viewable biography field where you could write your own backstory lead to quite a few characters like the 'ancient eldritch horror, destroyer of universes bound into a vampire body and more powerful than the sun,' that was only security level 2 and would get his shit wrecked by a few pistol-toting gang members. My friend and I tried to break into the scene and were met with a cavalcade of these wankers who wanted to throw around their power without actually doing the work of leveling to be powerful. To the point where they were declaring actions like throwing my buddy's hulking robot into a stream. We decided this would not stand, but it was my friend who did all the hard work. For the next week, my buddy's hulking robot stood just outside the circlejerk of roleplayers in Atlas Park with the sign rating emote on, with the AFK message 'Days till the end' on. Each day the sign emote counted down. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.
Now, City of Heroes had a couple of nice features. When a quest giver trusts you enough, he or she will give you their contact information, so if you want to turn in a quest or get a new one, you no longer have to physically visit them, but can just call their cell phone or whatever. Another interesting feature is that every so often, turning in a quest or trying to talk to a contact will result in them warning you of an impending ambush. When this happens, several enemy mobs of the correct faction and level for the quest are spawned somewhere on the map you are in, and make a beeline for you specifically.
So on the Day of the End, he called his contact, and triggered a high level Malta ambush. And a troop of giant robots sprinted across Atlas Park to get to him. The only things standing in the way... were the low-level wankers. He let the robots open up with their long range abilities and the resulting carnage looked something like this, except the targets were under level 10 instead of in the mid 40's, and instead of one GIANT bot it was a slightly smaller robot and a bunch of other bots slightly smaller than that bot. They were high enough level that they wouldn't auto-aggro on the weakling RPers, but that didn't stop the splash damage from hitting them, or stop them from retaliating if the fools fought back.
After tanking an attack or three, my friend quickly super-jumped into Perez Park to lose aggro and leave the robots stomping around on the low level 'gods' which were now largely dead or fleeing.
Me, I just stood there watching and laughed. Via emote.
CptTagon
Prolific Writer
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CptTagon
Prolific Writer
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delilahbriarwood:
delilahbriarwood:
Yes, she got advantage instantly.
Yes, she passed with a total of 22 against the Arl's natural 1.
D&D Update:
My mother literally stabbed our table to make her Intimidation check against the Arl.
Update 2 because everyone keeps asking:My mother literally stabbed our table to make her Intimidation check against the Arl.
Yes, she got advantage instantly.
Yes, she passed with a total of 22 against the Arl's natural 1.
MisplacedReader
Not too sore, are you?
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Welp. I can't say mine is the most exciting, but it was the first instance where I realized that playing D&D with noobs can have Dire consequences for your health and safety even outside of combat.
It was a new campaign of D&D. It was my 3rd time playing the game, so why not super confident, I felt like I was comfortable enough with the mechanics and so on. Our DM was also fairly experienced, it was his 5th or 6th campaign. But the remaining 6 members of our party....they were all new to the game. We finish up character creation, have a usual Hodgepodge of characters and classes, Cleric, Ranger, Bard, Rogue, Sorcerer, and two Fighters, one of which being me. Reinhardt, wielding a hammer of Fuck You, I was ready to serve as a shield and protect my inexperienced allies.
Rather than doing any story building by having us meet at a inn or anything, our DM through us into a tutorial fight. "There is a orge in front of you, kill it." Took is a bit but that job was done. Then the floor fell out beneath us and we all fell in to a subterranean lake. I had to ditch my armor in order to swim to the surface, and eventually we made it to a beach beside the lake, where a fairly big tree was.
We were told to acquire a gem at the bottom of the lake, and after a few minutes conferring we decided we'd have me, one of our strongest characters, and our halfling rogue, the most dexterous, to try and swim to the bottom and retrieve the gem. Before we started, someone had the brilliant idea of tying a rope to each of the swimmers, and tying the other end to one of the other party members. The Rogue and I secured ourselves, tossed the other end of the rope over a tree branch to help pull us out, and then our 2nd fighter tied himself with the halflings rope, and our Cleric tied himself to mine. We figured out a system of pulls so they shore team would know when to bring us in, and rolled to dive into the water.
I rolled a 15 or so, made a decent leap and started paddling down, with enough air for 3-4 turns. The rogue rolled a Nat 1, jumped into the water, belly flopped, and knocked himself unconscious, losing one health. While my group conferred what to do in a bit of a panic, I was told to roll perception, and got a 5.
"You don't see the bottom of the river and smack head first into it. Lose 6 health." Fair enough I thought, that puts me at Half health but at least I'm at the bottom. I used a short rest to recover 2 health, lacking any other thoughts.
Now this is where I realized that remembering what you'd had done with your actions before hand is a Reeaally important part of DnD sometimes. Our fighter decided to haul the rogue in, but was rolling absolute shit. So our Cleric said, "I run to them as fast as I can, to help
pull up the rope."
This is the Cleric who is still tied to me.
The rope came taught and the DM said that I was pulled along the jagged lake bottom, roll for damage. Another 6.
If if I had not rested in between banging my head on the lake bottom, and having my face given a gravel burn from hell, I'd would have been at zero hitpoints in the first 2 hours of the game, trying to grab a simple gem. No traps, no enchantments, no enemies. Just a poor roll and my teammates forgetting they were tied to me before then went running off as fast as they could.
I was able to swim back up, untie the rope, restrain from strangling our cleric, (the DM actually had me roll for that), and take a breather.
It took us another hour to get that Gem. It spawned a Fire snake that was really cool, and we sold the gem for a nice profit. But I always was careful through the rest of the campaign to be sure that my allies were not as great a threat to me as the enemies we faced.
It was a new campaign of D&D. It was my 3rd time playing the game, so why not super confident, I felt like I was comfortable enough with the mechanics and so on. Our DM was also fairly experienced, it was his 5th or 6th campaign. But the remaining 6 members of our party....they were all new to the game. We finish up character creation, have a usual Hodgepodge of characters and classes, Cleric, Ranger, Bard, Rogue, Sorcerer, and two Fighters, one of which being me. Reinhardt, wielding a hammer of Fuck You, I was ready to serve as a shield and protect my inexperienced allies.
Rather than doing any story building by having us meet at a inn or anything, our DM through us into a tutorial fight. "There is a orge in front of you, kill it." Took is a bit but that job was done. Then the floor fell out beneath us and we all fell in to a subterranean lake. I had to ditch my armor in order to swim to the surface, and eventually we made it to a beach beside the lake, where a fairly big tree was.
We were told to acquire a gem at the bottom of the lake, and after a few minutes conferring we decided we'd have me, one of our strongest characters, and our halfling rogue, the most dexterous, to try and swim to the bottom and retrieve the gem. Before we started, someone had the brilliant idea of tying a rope to each of the swimmers, and tying the other end to one of the other party members. The Rogue and I secured ourselves, tossed the other end of the rope over a tree branch to help pull us out, and then our 2nd fighter tied himself with the halflings rope, and our Cleric tied himself to mine. We figured out a system of pulls so they shore team would know when to bring us in, and rolled to dive into the water.
I rolled a 15 or so, made a decent leap and started paddling down, with enough air for 3-4 turns. The rogue rolled a Nat 1, jumped into the water, belly flopped, and knocked himself unconscious, losing one health. While my group conferred what to do in a bit of a panic, I was told to roll perception, and got a 5.
"You don't see the bottom of the river and smack head first into it. Lose 6 health." Fair enough I thought, that puts me at Half health but at least I'm at the bottom. I used a short rest to recover 2 health, lacking any other thoughts.
Now this is where I realized that remembering what you'd had done with your actions before hand is a Reeaally important part of DnD sometimes. Our fighter decided to haul the rogue in, but was rolling absolute shit. So our Cleric said, "I run to them as fast as I can, to help
pull up the rope."
This is the Cleric who is still tied to me.
The rope came taught and the DM said that I was pulled along the jagged lake bottom, roll for damage. Another 6.
If if I had not rested in between banging my head on the lake bottom, and having my face given a gravel burn from hell, I'd would have been at zero hitpoints in the first 2 hours of the game, trying to grab a simple gem. No traps, no enchantments, no enemies. Just a poor roll and my teammates forgetting they were tied to me before then went running off as fast as they could.
I was able to swim back up, untie the rope, restrain from strangling our cleric, (the DM actually had me roll for that), and take a breather.
It took us another hour to get that Gem. It spawned a Fire snake that was really cool, and we sold the gem for a nice profit. But I always was careful through the rest of the campaign to be sure that my allies were not as great a threat to me as the enemies we faced.
Dakkaface
Magical Defender of Justice
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I have a couple stories about a guy I used to play with.
I used to game with a guy I like to refer to as Don Quixote. I call him this because he would not play unless his character was a shining white knight Hero - capital intended. This guy was straight out of Cervantes - he read his adventure novels and now he wanted to be in them. He was incapable of playing a character who didn't fulfill the following criteria.
Now, obviously, short of being given special consideration by the DM to outright make him better than the other players (which he did not get), the only way to accomplish this is to cheat. And cheat outrageously.
When I first encountered The Don, he was playing an Adept in Dark Heresy - for those not familiar with it, it's a squishy scholar class whose function is to know everything so that they can solve mysteries and point the people with actual facebeating skills in the right direction. And he was upset that his scholar was being vastly outdamaged by the extremely min-maxed psyker and the hulking brute of an Arbites. So all of a sudden despite his middling ballistic skill of 30, he never missed a shot.
Dice would be rolled, snatched up, and a success declared. If the DM reminded him of penalties, he would suddenly 'remember' a bonus he had forgot to add. This extended into being the party face, despite not being particularly personable, or even wise. This continued throughout that campaign, and while there was a glorious moment of comeuppance at the finale for him, that story isn't about his cheating.
Instead I'm going to talk about the short stint I did in a fantasy campaign beside him. He's now familiar with my usual group, but I had been drifting away due to my work hours, moving in with my fiancee, and the fact that I had moved some distance away from my usual DM's place. One of the players in this new campaign invited me along, since he wasn't sure he could take anymore of Quixote's shenanigans, especially since the sequel campaign to the initial Dark Heresy campaign had finished, and had resulted in Don dooming the entire galaxy due to his actions.
I reluctantly joined, knowing that it would be a bear for me considering my schedule and that now I'd committed to dealing with Mr. Quixote. This was a 3.5 based Iron Kingdoms-esque homebrew with gun technology hovering around 1870, but some medieval kingdoms managing to hang on via magic. I made a pretty interesting druid that I would love to reuse again sometime, because he got his story cut short. Mr. Quixote is playing a Paladin - capital intended.
His usual shenanigans continue - trying to take over the party, pretending that his motivations are the motivations of the whole party, that hes a shining beacon of moral fiber that can do no wrong. There was an amusing moment where Don absolutely failed in his negotiations with a scholar, not understanding that any attempt to convince the centuries-long pacifist scholar to join the war is going to fail. Then compounding this mistake by telling him that the plan is to save all the primitive savages by taking them away, civilizing them, and then bringing them back to fight the encroaching army. This argument made to the pacifist anthropologist there to study their unique culture. That was a realtime 30 minutes wasted as Don could not grasp why this line of argumentation would be wrong, while the actual anthropology major in the group nodded along with every objection coming out of the DM's mouth.
Eventually though, we end up in a fight in the jungle, where an enemy commander is riding on the back of a dragon. Our windmill tilter leaps onto the enemy dragon and does a positively ridiculous amount of damage for the level we were at - I think we were somewhere between L6 and L8 and he did something like 70~ish damage between the 6 d6's, his static bonus and bastard sword. I quietly 'wat' to myself and let the first round slide. It must be some kind of charge attack bonus thing.
Round two happens and he rolls the same dice (because of course he hit) and doesn't roll as well but still gets over 50 damage. Now I ask him.
"Hey, how are you doing all that damage, Don?"
"Oh, combination of Leap Attack and <other feat which escapes my mind at the moment>."
Now he wasn't aware, but I had a nice reference document on my phone which lists all the feats in 3.5. I look up both feats. Leap Attack doubles your Power Attack bonus, Triples if using a two handed weapon, but only after a making a 10+ foot leap. So there's no way that he could use it in the second round. Feat 2 was +2d6 damage if condition X was met (it wasn't).
Round 3 rolls around and as he rolls his damage dice I ask him when he leapt.
"What?" he replies.
"Where'd you leap to, since you're using that damage boost. Leap Attack requires you to leap. Also, why're you rolling 6d6? <other feat> only gives you 2d6."
The Don babbled something about having misread it, and the Pathfinder version being different, then rerolled his damage to be a more sedate 20, and was much subdued for the rest of the session.
I wish I could say that we then talked to the guy about his cheating, but nothing was said when the session ended, and I'm not sure how it ended up after that, since I wasn't able to make the next few game sessions and dropped out of the campaign entirely - I haven't seen my old DM in a while now, and when I do see him pop online, asking how Sir Quixote is doing is usually the last thing on my mind.
I used to game with a guy I like to refer to as Don Quixote. I call him this because he would not play unless his character was a shining white knight Hero - capital intended. This guy was straight out of Cervantes - he read his adventure novels and now he wanted to be in them. He was incapable of playing a character who didn't fulfill the following criteria.
- knows everything.
- does everything well
- upstanding white knight characterization
- always right
- party leader/face
- has an NPC waifu to latch onto (this could arise during the course of the game)
Now, obviously, short of being given special consideration by the DM to outright make him better than the other players (which he did not get), the only way to accomplish this is to cheat. And cheat outrageously.
When I first encountered The Don, he was playing an Adept in Dark Heresy - for those not familiar with it, it's a squishy scholar class whose function is to know everything so that they can solve mysteries and point the people with actual facebeating skills in the right direction. And he was upset that his scholar was being vastly outdamaged by the extremely min-maxed psyker and the hulking brute of an Arbites. So all of a sudden despite his middling ballistic skill of 30, he never missed a shot.
Dice would be rolled, snatched up, and a success declared. If the DM reminded him of penalties, he would suddenly 'remember' a bonus he had forgot to add. This extended into being the party face, despite not being particularly personable, or even wise. This continued throughout that campaign, and while there was a glorious moment of comeuppance at the finale for him, that story isn't about his cheating.
Instead I'm going to talk about the short stint I did in a fantasy campaign beside him. He's now familiar with my usual group, but I had been drifting away due to my work hours, moving in with my fiancee, and the fact that I had moved some distance away from my usual DM's place. One of the players in this new campaign invited me along, since he wasn't sure he could take anymore of Quixote's shenanigans, especially since the sequel campaign to the initial Dark Heresy campaign had finished, and had resulted in Don dooming the entire galaxy due to his actions.
I reluctantly joined, knowing that it would be a bear for me considering my schedule and that now I'd committed to dealing with Mr. Quixote. This was a 3.5 based Iron Kingdoms-esque homebrew with gun technology hovering around 1870, but some medieval kingdoms managing to hang on via magic. I made a pretty interesting druid that I would love to reuse again sometime, because he got his story cut short. Mr. Quixote is playing a Paladin - capital intended.
His usual shenanigans continue - trying to take over the party, pretending that his motivations are the motivations of the whole party, that hes a shining beacon of moral fiber that can do no wrong. There was an amusing moment where Don absolutely failed in his negotiations with a scholar, not understanding that any attempt to convince the centuries-long pacifist scholar to join the war is going to fail. Then compounding this mistake by telling him that the plan is to save all the primitive savages by taking them away, civilizing them, and then bringing them back to fight the encroaching army. This argument made to the pacifist anthropologist there to study their unique culture. That was a realtime 30 minutes wasted as Don could not grasp why this line of argumentation would be wrong, while the actual anthropology major in the group nodded along with every objection coming out of the DM's mouth.
Eventually though, we end up in a fight in the jungle, where an enemy commander is riding on the back of a dragon. Our windmill tilter leaps onto the enemy dragon and does a positively ridiculous amount of damage for the level we were at - I think we were somewhere between L6 and L8 and he did something like 70~ish damage between the 6 d6's, his static bonus and bastard sword. I quietly 'wat' to myself and let the first round slide. It must be some kind of charge attack bonus thing.
Round two happens and he rolls the same dice (because of course he hit) and doesn't roll as well but still gets over 50 damage. Now I ask him.
"Hey, how are you doing all that damage, Don?"
"Oh, combination of Leap Attack and <other feat which escapes my mind at the moment>."
Now he wasn't aware, but I had a nice reference document on my phone which lists all the feats in 3.5. I look up both feats. Leap Attack doubles your Power Attack bonus, Triples if using a two handed weapon, but only after a making a 10+ foot leap. So there's no way that he could use it in the second round. Feat 2 was +2d6 damage if condition X was met (it wasn't).
Round 3 rolls around and as he rolls his damage dice I ask him when he leapt.
"What?" he replies.
"Where'd you leap to, since you're using that damage boost. Leap Attack requires you to leap. Also, why're you rolling 6d6? <other feat> only gives you 2d6."
The Don babbled something about having misread it, and the Pathfinder version being different, then rerolled his damage to be a more sedate 20, and was much subdued for the rest of the session.
I wish I could say that we then talked to the guy about his cheating, but nothing was said when the session ended, and I'm not sure how it ended up after that, since I wasn't able to make the next few game sessions and dropped out of the campaign entirely - I haven't seen my old DM in a while now, and when I do see him pop online, asking how Sir Quixote is doing is usually the last thing on my mind.
CptTagon
Prolific Writer
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DM: The griffins successfully destroy the spelled rings keeping the ship afloat…. and the ship starts to sink!
BeeDee: Is this because we didn't let you sink the ship last month
DM: SO THE SHIP STARTS TO SINK…. what do you guys do?
BeeDee: I grab our smallest party member and fly them to safety
Aaron: I grab either Mayezo or Krissy and brace ourselves
DM: Who do you grab?
BeeDee: please grab Krissy
Me: DON'T SAY THAT. YOU COULD HAVE GRABBED ONE PERSON AND YOU GRABBED OUR SMALLEST PERSON INSTEAD OF ME SO NOW WE DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.
Me: Aaron, grab Mayezo.
DM: What are you gonna do?
Me: I'M GONNA LEAP OFF THE SHIP AND LAND ON THE BACK OF THE GRIFFIN ATTACKING US
DM: Roll acrobatics!
DM: …….. Oh dear… Um… I'm trying to find a way to save you.
Me: Don't, just let it happen.
BeeDee, WHO HAS FEATHERFALL BUT FORGOT: CAN'T OUR WIZARD DO SOMETHING?
Me: As I fall I do one last ditch effort. I pull the rope from my pack and try to lasso the critter as I fall
DM: You have to roll higher than 12
Me: I scream "yeaaahhh later fuckersss!!!" as I dangle from the flying griffin and fly away
DM: Your boss yells back that you won't get paid if you die
= later=
Me: After we land, I try to wrassle the griffin again.
DM: …..
DM: YOU'RE NOT KEEPING THIS GRIFFIN AS A PET DAMN IT
Everyone: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
xekstrin
BeeDee: Is this because we didn't let you sink the ship last month
DM: SO THE SHIP STARTS TO SINK…. what do you guys do?
BeeDee: I grab our smallest party member and fly them to safety
Aaron: I grab either Mayezo or Krissy and brace ourselves
DM: Who do you grab?
BeeDee: please grab Krissy
Me: DON'T SAY THAT. YOU COULD HAVE GRABBED ONE PERSON AND YOU GRABBED OUR SMALLEST PERSON INSTEAD OF ME SO NOW WE DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.
Me: Aaron, grab Mayezo.
DM: What are you gonna do?
Me: I'M GONNA LEAP OFF THE SHIP AND LAND ON THE BACK OF THE GRIFFIN ATTACKING US
DM: Roll acrobatics!
DM: …….. Oh dear… Um… I'm trying to find a way to save you.
Me: Don't, just let it happen.
BeeDee, WHO HAS FEATHERFALL BUT FORGOT: CAN'T OUR WIZARD DO SOMETHING?
Me: As I fall I do one last ditch effort. I pull the rope from my pack and try to lasso the critter as I fall
DM: You have to roll higher than 12
Me: I scream "yeaaahhh later fuckersss!!!" as I dangle from the flying griffin and fly away
DM: Your boss yells back that you won't get paid if you die
= later=
Me: After we land, I try to wrassle the griffin again.
DM: …..
DM: YOU'RE NOT KEEPING THIS GRIFFIN AS A PET DAMN IT
Everyone: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
xekstrin
CptTagon
Prolific Writer
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"You find a storehouse full of bottles of wine, meat, and cheese."
"Azim-Aziza, you open one of the crates. ….And there's a dessicated corpse inside."
"The ghost of the dead body appears and begins to talk. Now there's a lot of theories about ghosts, it's hotly debated if they are remnants of a soul or an echo of a strong emotion…."
"Azim-Aziza, you open one of the crates. ….And there's a dessicated corpse inside."
xekstrin
Her D&D tag is where I'm pulling these snippets from.
Heaven Canceler
Behind You!
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- Nov 30, 2013
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Cheese ghost? Nagisa Momoe is that you?
CptTagon
Prolific Writer
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So, I'm in a campaign where everyone starts as level 0 commoners and we all flail around trying not to die horribly for as long as possible. Somehow, amidst all this carnage, an unexpected hero joined us.
DM: you are ambushed by three angry Gnolls. What do you do?
Dwarf herder (me): *looks through inventory* wait…I have a sow?
DM: Yep. You're a herder.
Herder: Imma try and get her to attack the Gnolls.
*rolls a d20 and gets an 18*
DM: ok, she attacks. Roll a d4 for damage.
Herder: *rolls 4*
DM:….your pig kills the Gnoll.
Herder: I'm naming this sow Suzan the Battle Pig. Good job, Suzan!
~~~~later~~~~
Herder: *dies by another angry Gnoll*
Me: wait, can Suzan still fight?
DM: roll persuasion to see if your other character can convince her to help.
Me: *rolls nat20*
DM: Suzan is filled with rage and discovers an insatiable hunger for Gnoll flesh. She now attacks with a d6.
Suzan: *kills the remaining Gnoll boss and Gnoll magician*
Me: Suzan is gonna eat the Gnolls
DM:…ok, she eats the big one and gains 5XP and one point of luck. She's too full to eat the other one.
Me: Suzan carries the magic Gnoll with her.
~~~~one short rest later~~~~
Me: can Suzan eat her Gnoll now?
DM:….oh right, you did say you carried that. Sure.
As Suzan eats the magic Gnoll, she feels a rush of magical energy in her mind. Her brain is rebuilt by this magic so that she has….
*rolls d20 and gets a 15*
Oh, for fu–Suzan has 15 intelligence now and the ability to cast spells. Congratulations.
yourplayersaidwhat
DM: you are ambushed by three angry Gnolls. What do you do?
Dwarf herder (me): *looks through inventory* wait…I have a sow?
DM: Yep. You're a herder.
Herder: Imma try and get her to attack the Gnolls.
*rolls a d20 and gets an 18*
DM: ok, she attacks. Roll a d4 for damage.
Herder: *rolls 4*
DM:….your pig kills the Gnoll.
Herder: I'm naming this sow Suzan the Battle Pig. Good job, Suzan!
~~~~later~~~~
Herder: *dies by another angry Gnoll*
Me: wait, can Suzan still fight?
DM: roll persuasion to see if your other character can convince her to help.
Me: *rolls nat20*
DM: Suzan is filled with rage and discovers an insatiable hunger for Gnoll flesh. She now attacks with a d6.
Suzan: *kills the remaining Gnoll boss and Gnoll magician*
Me: Suzan is gonna eat the Gnolls
DM:…ok, she eats the big one and gains 5XP and one point of luck. She's too full to eat the other one.
Me: Suzan carries the magic Gnoll with her.
~~~~one short rest later~~~~
Me: can Suzan eat her Gnoll now?
DM:….oh right, you did say you carried that. Sure.
As Suzan eats the magic Gnoll, she feels a rush of magical energy in her mind. Her brain is rebuilt by this magic so that she has….
*rolls d20 and gets a 15*
Oh, for fu–Suzan has 15 intelligence now and the ability to cast spells. Congratulations.
yourplayersaidwhat
Enigmatic
I will become the ultimate little sister!
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And so begins the epic tale of Suzan the Magic Battle Pig!
Dakkaface
Magical Defender of Justice
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Well, In my last post, I talked about the misadventures of Don Quixote and I mentioned a moment of comeuppance he got in the finale of a Dark Heresy campaign. This is that story.
It was long campaign - the game started at 3 players with your standard 400xp characters, and by the end of it, the party had expanded to 6 players and we had hit Ascension ranks for the last few sessions at the end. The whole thing had progressed for about a year, year and a half. In the very first mission, we're introduced to the macguffin - a crystallized orb formed from killing a hiveworld's population and collecting their souls. It's a psychically powerful doodad that we have stolen, transported, protected, and eventually, lost. The campaign's villain, a crazed Inquisitor, had managed to steal it, and we knew only that him having it was bad news.
We get tipped off by an Eldar Farseer that the mad Inquisitor is going to use the ancient Webway portal behind the Golden Throne to pop into the Throne Room and use the psychic macguffin in a device to shut down the Astronomicon and kill the Emperor. This fits with neither our goals nor Eldar plots, so they are going to let us through the webway with a Harlequin guide to help us get there in time like Big Damn Heroes.
We follow him through the breach, let in by the Farseer, and interrupted the BBEG as he set up his Emperor-slaying device by showing up with OUR Inquisitor and alerting the Custodes. Having seen his chance evaporate, the madman chucks a stasis grenade at the Custodes and decides that if he can't kill the Big E with the macguffin, he'll use it another way, and more or less eats it to become a Daemon Prince right on the steps of the Golden Throne– 20 feet of Warp-twisted flesh and unnatural power ready to rend us all limb from limb. The fight begins in earnest.
Now, if you are at all familiar Dark Heresy, instead of critical hits, it has a rule called Righteous Fury - essentially, instead of getting critical hits with a set multiplier, your damage dice explode (roll max damage and you get another die of the same type.). The GM tells us that as we are literally under the eye of the Emperor – Righteous Fury will happen on a 9 or 10 instead of just on 10's.
This helps a bit during the fight, as the Daemon-Inquisitor now has some ludicrous toughness and daemonic resilience in addition to his armor. Everyone is chipping away at its health and generally triggering extra dice every turn or two. Mr. Quixote is doing pretty well - he's doing the usual of grabbing dice rolls and declaring them successes, or 'forgetting' some modifiers and declaring his failure was actually a success after some 'mental math.' So he's doing consistent damage, but not pushing his luck by cheating on damage rolls.
The daemon prince eventually gets down to very low health and screams that it will not fail. The Don describes some fancy acrobatics where he stabs the daemon with a knife, climbs up to its shoulders, and shoots it in the head. He starts to launch into what I can only guess was going to be a long winded speech about evil, and justice, and -I don't know what else because the GM stops him and says he can't get that far in one round. His climactic headshot with blessed ammunition will have to wait til next round, as his actions for this round were a knife attack and the Acrobatics check to climb up the daemon's body.
Mr. Quixote is miffed, but unconcerned - as only two characters have blessed weapons, most of what is being done is scratch damage - he can vanquish the Daemon on his next turn.
I am the only other character with a blessed weapon. I'm a taciturn, melee-focused Templar Psykana-build Psyker. So my turn rolls around and I use Lightning Attack to strike this monster thrice with a blessed force blade. I have been doing pretty good damage thanks to my blessed blade and a high static damage modifer, but haven't been doing anything amazing, particularly since with only one damage die, I haven't been triggering Righteous Fury the way that Don's bolt pistol or the party's other multi-shot, multiple die weapons have been.
I hit twice, and on one of the two attacks, my one die comes up 9. Roll again for confirmation, got it. Roll again. 10. Again. 9. Mr. Quixote looks concerned now. Again. 9. Again. 10. The GM, myself and the other players are currently sporting shit-eating grins. Again. 9. Again. 10. Mr. Quixote looks like he's swallowed a lemon. Again. 10, Again. 7. The run finally closes. Final damage count after static mods was in the 90's.The Daemon Prince was vanquished in a flurry of Emperor-granted might that most of the table found an incredible capstone to an epic campaign. Truly, the Emperor smiled on us that day - though he clearly did so with a wink at the rest of us that the Don did not get.
It was long campaign - the game started at 3 players with your standard 400xp characters, and by the end of it, the party had expanded to 6 players and we had hit Ascension ranks for the last few sessions at the end. The whole thing had progressed for about a year, year and a half. In the very first mission, we're introduced to the macguffin - a crystallized orb formed from killing a hiveworld's population and collecting their souls. It's a psychically powerful doodad that we have stolen, transported, protected, and eventually, lost. The campaign's villain, a crazed Inquisitor, had managed to steal it, and we knew only that him having it was bad news.
We get tipped off by an Eldar Farseer that the mad Inquisitor is going to use the ancient Webway portal behind the Golden Throne to pop into the Throne Room and use the psychic macguffin in a device to shut down the Astronomicon and kill the Emperor. This fits with neither our goals nor Eldar plots, so they are going to let us through the webway with a Harlequin guide to help us get there in time like Big Damn Heroes.
We follow him through the breach, let in by the Farseer, and interrupted the BBEG as he set up his Emperor-slaying device by showing up with OUR Inquisitor and alerting the Custodes. Having seen his chance evaporate, the madman chucks a stasis grenade at the Custodes and decides that if he can't kill the Big E with the macguffin, he'll use it another way, and more or less eats it to become a Daemon Prince right on the steps of the Golden Throne– 20 feet of Warp-twisted flesh and unnatural power ready to rend us all limb from limb. The fight begins in earnest.
Now, if you are at all familiar Dark Heresy, instead of critical hits, it has a rule called Righteous Fury - essentially, instead of getting critical hits with a set multiplier, your damage dice explode (roll max damage and you get another die of the same type.). The GM tells us that as we are literally under the eye of the Emperor – Righteous Fury will happen on a 9 or 10 instead of just on 10's.
This helps a bit during the fight, as the Daemon-Inquisitor now has some ludicrous toughness and daemonic resilience in addition to his armor. Everyone is chipping away at its health and generally triggering extra dice every turn or two. Mr. Quixote is doing pretty well - he's doing the usual of grabbing dice rolls and declaring them successes, or 'forgetting' some modifiers and declaring his failure was actually a success after some 'mental math.' So he's doing consistent damage, but not pushing his luck by cheating on damage rolls.
The daemon prince eventually gets down to very low health and screams that it will not fail. The Don describes some fancy acrobatics where he stabs the daemon with a knife, climbs up to its shoulders, and shoots it in the head. He starts to launch into what I can only guess was going to be a long winded speech about evil, and justice, and -I don't know what else because the GM stops him and says he can't get that far in one round. His climactic headshot with blessed ammunition will have to wait til next round, as his actions for this round were a knife attack and the Acrobatics check to climb up the daemon's body.
Mr. Quixote is miffed, but unconcerned - as only two characters have blessed weapons, most of what is being done is scratch damage - he can vanquish the Daemon on his next turn.
I am the only other character with a blessed weapon. I'm a taciturn, melee-focused Templar Psykana-build Psyker. So my turn rolls around and I use Lightning Attack to strike this monster thrice with a blessed force blade. I have been doing pretty good damage thanks to my blessed blade and a high static damage modifer, but haven't been doing anything amazing, particularly since with only one damage die, I haven't been triggering Righteous Fury the way that Don's bolt pistol or the party's other multi-shot, multiple die weapons have been.
I hit twice, and on one of the two attacks, my one die comes up 9. Roll again for confirmation, got it. Roll again. 10. Again. 9. Mr. Quixote looks concerned now. Again. 9. Again. 10. The GM, myself and the other players are currently sporting shit-eating grins. Again. 9. Again. 10. Mr. Quixote looks like he's swallowed a lemon. Again. 10, Again. 7. The run finally closes. Final damage count after static mods was in the 90's.The Daemon Prince was vanquished in a flurry of Emperor-granted might that most of the table found an incredible capstone to an epic campaign. Truly, the Emperor smiled on us that day - though he clearly did so with a wink at the rest of us that the Don did not get.
Artalam
Versed in the lewd.
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To explain, this is from a game run on a custom system based off of Shadowrun, with skill checks being a D6 dice pool decided by you current level in said skill, using exploding dice.
To set the scene, our party (new sheriffs to a town in the middle of nowhere) had found a ritual we needed to perform to prevent a Lich from rising (we were currently levels 1 and 2) while we knew the person responsible for the deaths of our predecessors would come to stop us. Three of us were performing said ritual while our tank stood between us and the gate and our sniper was in a upstairs window. All this comes together in this single exchange:
DM: Perception check
Sniper (who currently has a dice pool of 2 due to injury): 27
DM: you recognise this sound, this is the sound of a man dragging a trampoline over a rough gravel path.
Players: a trampoline?
Of course our attacker crit succeeds his acrobatics check, flips over the fence, cuts off our tanks hand, and hits our sniper with an acid bomb, taking his hand as well as turning him into two face...
Two sessions in, we had between the five of us lost two hands, an arm, two eyes and someone's face...
To set the scene, our party (new sheriffs to a town in the middle of nowhere) had found a ritual we needed to perform to prevent a Lich from rising (we were currently levels 1 and 2) while we knew the person responsible for the deaths of our predecessors would come to stop us. Three of us were performing said ritual while our tank stood between us and the gate and our sniper was in a upstairs window. All this comes together in this single exchange:
DM: Perception check
Sniper (who currently has a dice pool of 2 due to injury): 27
DM: you recognise this sound, this is the sound of a man dragging a trampoline over a rough gravel path.
Players: a trampoline?
Of course our attacker crit succeeds his acrobatics check, flips over the fence, cuts off our tanks hand, and hits our sniper with an acid bomb, taking his hand as well as turning him into two face...
Two sessions in, we had between the five of us lost two hands, an arm, two eyes and someone's face...
Dakkaface
Magical Defender of Justice
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Talking about 7th Sea recently reminded me of this one.
The game is 7th Sea 1e, the Freiburg module, if you are familiar with it. For those unfamiliar - 7th Sea is a swashbuckling game set in an effective expy of 17th century Earth. You have Eisen as not-Germany, Voddace as not-Italy, The Crescent Empire as the not-Caliphate, etc. There are some minor tweaks to national identities and there's some mid-level magic bloodlines around, but it's otherwise pretty identifiable in terms of national stereotypes and cultures.
As part of the adventure, the party has jointly acquired the ownership and title of a manor house, and as such, have assumed it's debts and maintenance costs. At one point while shopping, our groundskeeper was accosted by thugs demanding payment for a perceived (read, fake) debt. Our resident Glamour mage then calmed them down and gave them payment in gold. Problem is that he's a Glamour mage, and what he actually gave them was sheep entrails temporarily transformed into gold coins. He informs us as to his prank upon returning.
Anticipating they will be rightfully pissed about that, and will return, our paranoid Eisen noble pulls several crewmen and rifles off his riverboat, and also sets up a swivel gun loaded with grapeshot in the entrance hall. Sure enough, shortly after midnight, a mob of thugs approaches the manor looking to make examples of us. There's probably forty or fifty of them and after gathering near our front gate, they clear a space, and some small henchman starts shouting at us from outside the gates, demanding we pay him.
Our Vodacce nobleman shouts out a second story window, irritated. "Who are you to disturb my sleep? Bah! It doesn't matter. Enzo! Remove this pest!"
Enzo, an absurdly well-statted manservant, fires his crossbow and fails a roll for the first time this whole game. By a single point. His crossbow bolt parts the small man's hair. In a deadpan just loud enough to carry, he apologizes to his master. "I'm sorry sir, I didn't anticipate that he would be so small."
The little blowhard sputters, losing his composure for a minute, before screaming back. "If you won't pay peacefully, then we'll just have to take payment!"
The mob starts to surge forward but is forestalled as the upper floor windows abruptly bristle with muskets. The Eisen noble bellows in his best captain's voice, "You have been paid in gold! If that was not enough for you, stand where you are and I will give you further payment in lead."
Then my Crescent steps out the front doors, whirling his giant scimitar and baring a fanged grin. "Or you may come to me and receive it in steel!"
The mob looked at their diminutive leader, and then back to the manor. Over half of them shook their heads and noped right out.
The game is 7th Sea 1e, the Freiburg module, if you are familiar with it. For those unfamiliar - 7th Sea is a swashbuckling game set in an effective expy of 17th century Earth. You have Eisen as not-Germany, Voddace as not-Italy, The Crescent Empire as the not-Caliphate, etc. There are some minor tweaks to national identities and there's some mid-level magic bloodlines around, but it's otherwise pretty identifiable in terms of national stereotypes and cultures.
As part of the adventure, the party has jointly acquired the ownership and title of a manor house, and as such, have assumed it's debts and maintenance costs. At one point while shopping, our groundskeeper was accosted by thugs demanding payment for a perceived (read, fake) debt. Our resident Glamour mage then calmed them down and gave them payment in gold. Problem is that he's a Glamour mage, and what he actually gave them was sheep entrails temporarily transformed into gold coins. He informs us as to his prank upon returning.
Anticipating they will be rightfully pissed about that, and will return, our paranoid Eisen noble pulls several crewmen and rifles off his riverboat, and also sets up a swivel gun loaded with grapeshot in the entrance hall. Sure enough, shortly after midnight, a mob of thugs approaches the manor looking to make examples of us. There's probably forty or fifty of them and after gathering near our front gate, they clear a space, and some small henchman starts shouting at us from outside the gates, demanding we pay him.
Our Vodacce nobleman shouts out a second story window, irritated. "Who are you to disturb my sleep? Bah! It doesn't matter. Enzo! Remove this pest!"
Enzo, an absurdly well-statted manservant, fires his crossbow and fails a roll for the first time this whole game. By a single point. His crossbow bolt parts the small man's hair. In a deadpan just loud enough to carry, he apologizes to his master. "I'm sorry sir, I didn't anticipate that he would be so small."
The little blowhard sputters, losing his composure for a minute, before screaming back. "If you won't pay peacefully, then we'll just have to take payment!"
The mob starts to surge forward but is forestalled as the upper floor windows abruptly bristle with muskets. The Eisen noble bellows in his best captain's voice, "You have been paid in gold! If that was not enough for you, stand where you are and I will give you further payment in lead."
Then my Crescent steps out the front doors, whirling his giant scimitar and baring a fanged grin. "Or you may come to me and receive it in steel!"
The mob looked at their diminutive leader, and then back to the manor. Over half of them shook their heads and noped right out.
CptTagon
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In my last Exalted session, one of the other players seduced the goddess we had rescued last session, and had vigorous enough sex with that they fell through two floors into the dining room (and onto the dining table) where the ministers of the kingdom had assembled for breakfast. Following them down, I convinced the assembled dignitaries that a three day festival and celebration is needed to let all reaffirm their loyalty and piety to the newly returned goddess. All the while, the loud, vigorous sex was continuing.
While organizing the festival, I am insisting that the priestesses do their utmost to act as Amaterasu would act.
While organizing the festival, I am insisting that the priestesses do their utmost to act as Amaterasu would act.
cross_grave
Belligerent Spitire
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Something tells me that festival is going to be quite the story by itself.
Enigmatic
I will become the ultimate little sister!
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This is awesome, on both parties counts. It makes me want to try tabletop gaming. Alas, I have no knowledge of such things and no one to play with regardless.
Still, cool story bro.
CptTagon
Prolific Writer
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As a matter of fact, it's a QQ group that plays online. Drop Valette-Serafina a PM, and you might be able to join.
cross_grave
Belligerent Spitire
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Which edition?
CptTagon
Prolific Writer
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Second. And remember, it will be up to VS to decide if zhey want more players.
Enigmatic
I will become the ultimate little sister!
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I'll do that. But would VS even consider it, considering I'm a total noob who's knowledge of the setting is so miniscule, it's essentially nonexistent?
CptTagon
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There's also a mere 280 page rulebook we all got to peruse.
Enigmatic
I will become the ultimate little sister!
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...Meh, I've read longer and worse things.
*flashes back to the time I read the fucking FATAL rule book for some asinine reason*
*shudder* Yeah, reading that is definitely something I could do.
MisplacedReader
Not too sore, are you?
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Would they possibly be open to another applicant? Also how are times for sessions scheduled? I'm currently abroad, so I'm unsure how timing for that would work out.
CptTagon
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You;ll have to PM VS to know for sure. But we play on Sundays at 10 PST.
MisplacedReader
Not too sore, are you?
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Am or PM?