Mad Oracle
An Oracle Of Culture
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- Oct 21, 2018
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To set the scene, I was playing a Chaotic Neutral Bard who had a fetish for stabbing things, my friend was playing a Half Elf Ranger, there was an Orc Cleric, and finally we had a Dwarven Sorcerer on our side.
We were just captured by the BBEG, and there was a young guard watching the cell. Now for most of the campaign, Percy (my bard) was pretty much killing and seducing his way through the corrupt nobility who were planning to overthrow the king and establish a theocracy dedicated to a War God. There was only one guard at our cell, and instead of strangling him through the bars I decided to talk to him.
He was actually kind of nice, a young half elf from the slums named Marcien. Marcien had accidentally knocked up his childhood friend and now was forced into working for her parents in order to pay for a dowry, only to end up tangled in this mess. The worst part was when he couldn't see his fiancé, only receive letters from her that had been read by her parents.
Percy asks him why does he work for them, Marcien could earn a lot more by working with Percy's team.
The Half Elf is listening, and after some rolls in charisma he lets us go and gives us our stuff. After grabbing my lute and sickle, I hear that the Dwarven Sorcerer is saying we should kill him for no witnesses.
Me (IC) : I wouldn't do that if I were you.
DS (IC) : And why not?
Me (IC): Because if you do, I shall rend the skin from your flesh and leave you in such agony that the Gods above would cry out!
The party quickly agreed not to kill the Half Elf, and Marcien gave us a map of the castle we were in. Turns out it was the family estate, and his fiancé's room was close to the exit. I was feeling charitable at the time, and since Marcien had warmed up to me I gave him the map and all of my money. I then gave him a speech before leading the party to the war god's cultists, ready to defend Marcien's world.
Anyways, we finally make it to the BBEG and find out that they just sacrificed themselves to summon the War God's avatar. Our Ranger is missing his legs, our Cleric is busy healing him so he has a chance to survive, and our Dwarven Sorcerer is using every spell he can on the War God. Then, there's Percy the Mad Jester/Bard. He's bleeding out, right arm broken and his left eye's missing.
The War God start's to gloat about how we're pathetic for even showing up, and I've gotten a bright idea after checking my inventory. I've got a flask full of flammable liquid, a torch, and I can engage the War God in close combat.
Me (OOC) : I throw the flask's contents into his face.
GM: Really? Are you sure-
Me: Yes.
GM: Alright, roll for it.
I roll a twenty, which blinded the War God and I was still standing.
After blinding him, I strike him with my torch and tackle him. With both him and Percy on fire, the Mad Jester begins to go hog wild on the War God's face with a Sickle. It takes a turn for the worse, as the floor beneath us gives out and we're now on fire and approaching the floor below us. Since Percy was going to die in the fall, I decided to do something both incredibly stupid yet awesome.
With some maneuvering and lucky rolls, Percy is now riding the War God's back and planning to drive the War God's head through the floor. When we impact the ground, we actually broke through it another time. Problem was, Percy was near dead at one point, with only enough time to say his final words and one more action. Surprisingly, the War God was still alive, if just as close to death as Percy was.
"A worthy try, but a futile one nonetheless." With only one more trick up my sleeve, I pull out something I'd been saving since I found it. My final words were simple, short, and to the point.
"It seems...My final act is finally reaching its end."
Percy pulled out a scroll, which our GM had scattered through the campaign. Due to house rules, they were able to be used by anyone. But were more effective in the hands of those more attuned with magic, and I had one that could potentially end the War God right then and there.
I forget the name of it, but it collapsed the summoning chamber's ceiling on top of both Percy and the War God. Thus the tale of Percy the Mad Jester had been ended, and his allies left the castle licking their wounds.
We were just captured by the BBEG, and there was a young guard watching the cell. Now for most of the campaign, Percy (my bard) was pretty much killing and seducing his way through the corrupt nobility who were planning to overthrow the king and establish a theocracy dedicated to a War God. There was only one guard at our cell, and instead of strangling him through the bars I decided to talk to him.
He was actually kind of nice, a young half elf from the slums named Marcien. Marcien had accidentally knocked up his childhood friend and now was forced into working for her parents in order to pay for a dowry, only to end up tangled in this mess. The worst part was when he couldn't see his fiancé, only receive letters from her that had been read by her parents.
Percy asks him why does he work for them, Marcien could earn a lot more by working with Percy's team.
The Half Elf is listening, and after some rolls in charisma he lets us go and gives us our stuff. After grabbing my lute and sickle, I hear that the Dwarven Sorcerer is saying we should kill him for no witnesses.
Me (IC) : I wouldn't do that if I were you.
DS (IC) : And why not?
Me (IC): Because if you do, I shall rend the skin from your flesh and leave you in such agony that the Gods above would cry out!
The party quickly agreed not to kill the Half Elf, and Marcien gave us a map of the castle we were in. Turns out it was the family estate, and his fiancé's room was close to the exit. I was feeling charitable at the time, and since Marcien had warmed up to me I gave him the map and all of my money. I then gave him a speech before leading the party to the war god's cultists, ready to defend Marcien's world.
Marcien, if there is one thing I know it is the cruelty of life. How it takes, and takes, leaving nothing for any to have. I was once like you, a man with a wife and child on the way. That was taken from me years ago, and now only the shattered remnants live on. What I want for you Marcien, is for you to go out into the world with your lover beside you. I want you to hold her close, to treat her like she is your shining light and sacred darkness.
Do not fall into the same pit of madness I have found myself in, for the only direction you can go is down.
Instead, you will live the life I never had. You will do so much more, learn more than I could ever hope to know. Now, go out there and live your life. I'll be here, giving the final song in my story.
But yours...Your story has only truly begun.
Do not fall into the same pit of madness I have found myself in, for the only direction you can go is down.
Instead, you will live the life I never had. You will do so much more, learn more than I could ever hope to know. Now, go out there and live your life. I'll be here, giving the final song in my story.
But yours...Your story has only truly begun.
Anyways, we finally make it to the BBEG and find out that they just sacrificed themselves to summon the War God's avatar. Our Ranger is missing his legs, our Cleric is busy healing him so he has a chance to survive, and our Dwarven Sorcerer is using every spell he can on the War God. Then, there's Percy the Mad Jester/Bard. He's bleeding out, right arm broken and his left eye's missing.
The War God start's to gloat about how we're pathetic for even showing up, and I've gotten a bright idea after checking my inventory. I've got a flask full of flammable liquid, a torch, and I can engage the War God in close combat.
Me (OOC) : I throw the flask's contents into his face.
GM: Really? Are you sure-
Me: Yes.
GM: Alright, roll for it.
I roll a twenty, which blinded the War God and I was still standing.
After blinding him, I strike him with my torch and tackle him. With both him and Percy on fire, the Mad Jester begins to go hog wild on the War God's face with a Sickle. It takes a turn for the worse, as the floor beneath us gives out and we're now on fire and approaching the floor below us. Since Percy was going to die in the fall, I decided to do something both incredibly stupid yet awesome.
With some maneuvering and lucky rolls, Percy is now riding the War God's back and planning to drive the War God's head through the floor. When we impact the ground, we actually broke through it another time. Problem was, Percy was near dead at one point, with only enough time to say his final words and one more action. Surprisingly, the War God was still alive, if just as close to death as Percy was.
"A worthy try, but a futile one nonetheless." With only one more trick up my sleeve, I pull out something I'd been saving since I found it. My final words were simple, short, and to the point.
"It seems...My final act is finally reaching its end."
Percy pulled out a scroll, which our GM had scattered through the campaign. Due to house rules, they were able to be used by anyone. But were more effective in the hands of those more attuned with magic, and I had one that could potentially end the War God right then and there.
I forget the name of it, but it collapsed the summoning chamber's ceiling on top of both Percy and the War God. Thus the tale of Percy the Mad Jester had been ended, and his allies left the castle licking their wounds.